It is customary to look at problems with character as a purely external defect, because from the outside it seems that only the person’s surroundings suffer from it. The bearer of the defect, according to popular opinion, is satisfied with everything, otherwise he would have taken action long ago or, at least, a decision to strengthen his character. To understand whether this is so in reality, let's draw a parallel with a physical deficiency, for example, with stoop. A slouched person is unpleasant to look at - this is all he can do to complicate the life of those around him. The person himself suffers from:
- Hostile glances.
- Regular back pain.
The first affects self-esteem, makes a person suspicious, creates permanent stress, which cannot but affect mental health. The second needs no comment.
Many readers will argue that a physical defect is more difficult to correct than a personal one. This is a myth, and it is not spread by the smartest people who do not recognize any efforts other than mechanical ones. Like, it’s hard to carry sacks of potatoes, but internal work cannot be hard by definition. How can it be, only because there are no instructions for its implementation, no guarantees of success, no unambiguous guidelines.
The path of personality transformation is a path of endless making and correcting mistakes. That’s why deciding on it is more difficult than coming up with an excuse for all your shortcomings.
And yet, the issue has been studied for a long time; there has always been a demand for services in the field of improving personal qualities, so modern psychologists and psychotherapists are able to help a person change himself. They act as a kind of guides, helping to avoid some mistakes and not lose support at the first difficulties. However, a person always does the main work himself.
If we talk specifically about developing a strong character, then this is one of the most understandable areas of development, since hardness is always a response to stress. If the stress is physical, the muscles harden; if the stress is moral, the will becomes stronger and the character is strengthened. The only way to develop strength of character is to constantly test it for strength, but do it wisely, without going to extremes, without trying to carry more than you can lift.
Think less
The first stopping factor is fear, which can be obvious or hidden. Obvious fear is felt in moments of direct danger, it is easy to detect, it is understandable, because it is in the area of consciousness. Hidden fear is a reaction to a perceived danger, lives in the subconscious and is difficult to detect. Symptoms of such fear are doubts and “excuses.” There are statistics showing that the most successful businessmen are poor planners but men of action. Such a person will smash his head against the wall 30 times, but on the 31st he will find a weakness in the wall. And those who like to tinker with plans for a long time too often do not come to action, because there are reasons to change their minds.
Strong character: how to develop willpower
“To move forward, a person must constantly have before him at the heights glorious examples of courage... The future has several names.
For a weak person, the name of the future is impossibility. For the faint-hearted - the unknown. For the thoughtful and valiant - an ideal. The need is urgent, the task is great, the time has come. Forward to the victory!" Victor Marie Hugo.
Anyone who believes that willpower is given to a person from birth is wrong. This valuable character trait can be developed in order to achieve your goals, improve your inner well-being, and improve your financial situation. Having learned self-discipline, a person gains fortitude and begins to control his emotions, actions, and life in general. It is possible to train willpower, but you will have to constantly work on yourself. Submitting to reason, you will need to step over the “old attitudes” until it becomes a habit. Overcoming mental and physical laziness every day, suppressing the desire to quit what you started, doing not what you want, but what is necessary, is the only way to strengthen your character.
Willpower grows stronger when a person overcomes his fears. The fear of loneliness, job loss, global cataclysms, and other troubles and misfortunes should not unsettle you. A strong personality puts aside emotions and acts constructively where he can or accepts what is beyond his control.
Human nature is inextricably linked with the struggle of reason and feelings. The mind is rational, and feelings are subordinated to the biological component, the desires of the body, and the search for pleasure. Willpower helps a person overcome weaknesses and habits in order to ultimately gain much more - control of his life, freedom. And on the way to achieving your goal, fighting irrational aspirations, you can at the same time improve your well-being, financial well-being, and improve relationships with others.
Finding willpower: where to start?
It is necessary to train strong character every day. This process is long and complex, since you will have to constantly put your will to the test, thereby strengthening it. The slightest loss of control - and character weakens.
Developing willpower start small. First of all, set yourself a daily routine and strictly adhere to the schedule. Get up in the morning and go to bed at the same time. This discipline will be the first step in training willpower, and it will benefit your health by improving the quality of your sleep. Plan your day, week, schedule events for the month. Be sure to monitor the execution of your plans. Don’t deviate from what you planned, regardless of laziness, fatigue, or emotions.
- Organize order around yourself.
Willpower is present in internally collected people. If everyday life is surrounded by chaos, then the same is happening in thoughts and feelings. Clean up your home: put things in storage areas, wipe off dust from furniture, wash the floor. Now nothing will stop you from putting everything in its place and priorities in thoughts and actions.
- Play sports.
It's hard to find a better way to develop willpower than playing sports. During training, you have to overcome laziness, fatigue, bad mood, and physical discomfort. At the same time, we must constantly set new tasks. Swimming or running an even greater distance, increasing the load on the simulator, improving your skills - there is always something to strive for. But on the way to sports achievements, be sure to take into account your health status. By persisting, you must not cause harm to the body. If the circumstances are such that it is not possible to go in for sports, then do exercises every day. With routine exercises, willpower is also successfully trained.
- Eat right.
A balanced diet is perhaps as effective a way to develop willpower as physical exercise. Giving up tasty but useless, often unhealthy food requires a lot. You will have to lose one of the sources of pleasure - “excessive overeating”, which can cause depression. But a strong-willed person will overcome temptations and learn to do without an abundance of fatty, sweet and starchy foods. The replacement will be healthy, freshly prepared meals. The spirit and body will become stronger: proper nutrition solves many health problems.
- Give up bad habits.
Dependence on “extra” is inherent in a weak-willed person. Getting rid of bad habits is not easy, but a really strong person can do it.
- Set your priorities and take action.
Focus on doing the things that are necessary from a rational point of view and ignore what gets in the way. Sitting in front of the TV, being on social networks, communicating with uninteresting people - all this absorbs energy without giving anything in return. Willpower will not allow you to waste time. Act wisely: develop your skills, educate yourself, make plans, and be sure to rest.
A strong-willed person always fulfills promises made to himself and others, without delay. A strong personality never acts by obeying only instincts. After all, the right to choose is lost. Lack of character pulls you to the bottom and prevents you from realizing the potential inherent in nature. It is willpower that helps you develop as a person and realize yourself in life.
Work with motivation
When it comes to the fundamental principles of life, such as maintaining health, inviolability of home, and the safety of loved ones, there are no soft people. Everyone immediately becomes tough and begins to defend their interests. Even if the character never existed, it will appear and manifest itself so clearly that everyone will be surprised. This speaks of the great potential of the human psyche, of the reserves that are tapped in the event of a “mortal” need, when the harmful expression “no big deal” stops working.
An extreme situation differs from a non-extreme one in that it does not allow absentee optimism - “it won’t work out and that’s okay,” replacing it with “it’s bound to work out.” Learn to artificially create such a mood when approaching any task.
Why is it sometimes worth being tough?
As mentioned above, rigidity is most often formed under the influence of external factors. This quality is in great demand in cases where it is necessary to focus on solving a problem, casting aside worries and possible doubts. This personality trait can become entrenched under the condition of predisposing factors, for example: demandingness, high organization, responsibility, straightforwardness and a tendency towards perfectionism.
Rigidity as a character trait is urgently needed for people holding leadership positions in any business sector. Such a boss will be an ideal leader for a work team, since he can optimally organize the work process and discipline his employees. Under the leadership of a tough boss, subordinates clearly know their responsibilities and strengths, understanding that they should not count on groundless concessions.
If we talk about toughness of character as a sought-after trait in everyday life, its benefits are especially noticeable in critical situations. If a person has difficulties at work or financial problems, then it is internal rigidity and composure that helps to pull oneself together and begin to look for a way out of the current situation.
In the process of raising the younger generation, parents often have to show firmness, and sometimes even harshness, especially in cases where it is necessary to establish certain rules and restrictions, for example, for a teenager.
Track your achievements
Toughness of character does not come out of thin air; it is a consequence of self-confidence, which is supported by opportunities. Mostly people who don’t believe in themselves complain about a lack of toughness. A person’s self-esteem is structured in such a way that it can only be regulated with the help of facts. We won, achieved, achieved - self-esteem is in the plus; we lost, lost, gave up - self-esteem is in the minus. It is noteworthy that all victories and achievements can count as positives; it is important to start giving them importance. To do this, keep a diary or journal, write down every small victory in it and strive to ensure that there are more entries.
Tough people - what are they like?
If the phrase “tough person” comes up in a conversation, then many begin to draw an image of an intolerant person who looks with disdain at the weakness of others. In fact, toughness can be called a reflection of a person’s strongest character traits, including perseverance, will and self-control.
Tough people tend to be leaders by nature. Moreover, it is worth considering that this character trait is not innate, it is formed under the influence of various external factors, often difficult life situations.
Rigidity can essentially be called the ability to remain steadfast even when external or internal stimuli for a long time do not provide the opportunity to relax.
Important
Internal irritants include personal weaknesses and desires, and external irritants include insults, neglect and resentment caused by other people.
A tough person is characterized by the following behavior:
- The ability to quickly navigate difficult life situations and find the most optimal solution to a problem.
- The ability to defend your point of view on any important issue.
- The ability to protect yourself and your loved ones in critical situations, often without the use of physical force.
- High level of discipline, punctuality and willingness to take responsibility for words and actions.
The above character traits become the basis for the formation of an internal core, which often manifests itself in the form of rigidity, which can be very useful in situations such as:
- Conflicts with colleagues in the work environment.
- Stressful and force majeure incidents.
- Disputes and discussions that require defending your opinion.
- As a means of defense against opponent's aggression.
However, you should not think that rigidity is an exclusively positive feature. Such people also have certain disadvantages, for example:
- Emotional stinginess. It can be quite difficult for tough people to express intense joy or grief. For them, such vivid emotions are a sign of weakness that they cannot afford. They are used to controlling themselves both in professional activities and in everyday life, and increased emotionality for them is an indicator of a loss of control.
- Tendency to egocentrism. Over time, tough people begin to prioritize only their needs, believing that their desires and opinions are above all.
- Intolerance. A tough person is critical of himself and his environment. He does not accept weakness and mistakes. Democracy and tolerance are alien to him. If a tough person demands the maximum from himself, then he will also set higher standards for others.
- Problems with building romantic and friendly relationships. Intolerance and the inability to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of others almost always become a tangible problem in creating social connections of one degree or another. No love can guarantee that a year later a tough person will not begin to reproach his soulmate for her bad habits or lack of ambition.
Create the desired image for yourself and work on its implementation
Just don’t focus on creating an image; it’s enough to just understand what you’re doing. In fact, your task is to become who you want to become, now. That is, if you dream of becoming a self-confident person, strong, with a decisive and tough character, there is no point in waiting until you turn into him through some evolutionary path. It’s best to write down the key qualities of your new “me” on paper and immediately start developing them. For example, sign up for a gym or boxing class to improve your appearance, learn to fight back and reinforce your decisiveness with the weight of your fist in case of emergency.
Self confidence
A psychologically strong person knows that his beliefs greatly influence whether he achieves success. This is not just a matter of motivation, it is a real fact. Researchers have found that more confident people earn more and move up the career ladder faster. True confidence is always visible and cannot be confused with the false confidence that people use to hide their fears. Psychologically strong people know how to inspire others with their confidence, so everything works out better in their lives.
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Surround yourself with examples
The saying “Whoever you mess with, you’ll get rich from” works. A person learns fastest when he repeats after another person, even if he does not realize it. The more people with a tough character in your environment, the more features of their behavior will be passed on to you in the course of communication and joint activities. You don’t even have to consciously do anything; changing your character to a tougher one will happen by itself, the main thing is to find a suitable environment.
Advice from psychologists
How to become a tougher man?
How to respond harshly to an insult?
In the case of an insult, the person who offended you had the goal of inflicting this insult and expects a response. If the first one is anger, resentment or humility, then such an attitude risks becoming the norm towards you .
Therefore, you must first of all show toughness - not only in the manner of communication, but also in an emotional sense.
First, collect your thoughts and focus on something abstract, trying not to get involved in an emotional reaction .
Then calm down and collect yourself internally. To do this, you can count to yourself to 10 or 20. During this time, silence is allowed in response to a phrase thrown by the enemy, which will make him nervous in anticipation of your reaction.
Then try to pull yourself together and make your voice as calm and confident as possible. It is best to respond politely and coldly . Here are some phrases that may be suitable in such cases:
- “This doesn’t concern you”;
- "It's none of your business";
- “I won’t discuss this, the conversation is over”;
- “Your (your) insults do not touch me”;
- “Keep your (your) opinion to yourself, it doesn’t matter to me (it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t interest me)”;
- “I won’t argue with you, you are not capable of an adequate reaction.”
You need to emphasize your detachment and the interlocutor’s failure to offend you.
foul language is used , you can try to respond in this spirit if you are confident that this approach will work, but you will be lowered to the level of the enemy, where he may have more experience and confidence.
Therefore, you need to show toughness towards the offender with your actions - stop the argument and communication, make it clear that this does not hurt you.
Rigidity will also manifest itself in intolerance to insults , when offensive remarks are not swallowed, but are processed into emotional rebuff.
Appreciate what you have
We often hear: “It’s good where we are not!” How can a strong, strong-willed person say that? How can one even know what is happening somewhere far away? What if people there have the same thoughts?
If you decide to take the path of self-improvement and want to learn how to strengthen your character, learn to never envy anyone. Remember who is responsible for all the events in your life? All in your hands! Focus on what you need to do to achieve success, and not on the longing for unattainable benefits.
Know how to empathize
It is important not only how to strengthen character, but also how to maintain a good heart. The ability to rejoice in other people’s victories, to share someone’s fears without irony, to support someone in moments of hardship are signs of a truly strong personality. Stifle envy and gloating in yourself, get rid of these base passions, characteristic only of weaklings!
Who is called weak-willed?
This issue requires priority consideration. A person with a weak character easily succumbs to temptation, he is driven by impulses and resentments, and multiple fears can lead him to depression and emotional instability.
A person of weak character cannot defend his opinion; he is easy to control. Such a person is unlikely to be able to become a leader, but even if he is lucky in this, his own subordinates will push the unfortunate one around as they please.
If you notice these cowardly traits in yourself or a growing child, you should not despair. Believe me, working on yourself and correcting your upbringing always bears fruit. You still have a chance to build a strong character.
Try to get to the bottom of it
The owner of a tempered character always seeks the truth, the root cause and the essence. Especially if the situation concerns several people. You've probably heard the saying that everyone has their own truth, and only the truth is the only one. Listen to each side's version. Do not give in to the temptation, without understanding it, to take the side of someone who is dear and dear to you. Yes, sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s not for nothing that they say that difficulties build character. This is the only way to stay on the side of good. By defending the wrongdoer, you will be doing him a disservice.
The solution to any issue can be found by avoiding immersion in the chaos of sensations, prejudices, guesses, rumors, likes and dislikes.
Give the sport its due
When talking about how to strengthen a man’s character, many immediately mention regular physical activity. But sport is also important for women.
This question is especially relevant for those who do not like hanging on the horizontal bar or lifting weights. Consider the options, look for what you like. Perhaps your option is not a gym and fitness at all, but motocross or horse riding?
Sport perfectly strengthens the body and character. Remember: classes must be regular, and illness can only be considered a reason to miss a workout. A strong-willed person simply by definition cannot be a slacker and a lump.
Don't be afraid of kind words
Will a strong person be able to say: “I’m sorry”, “I’m to blame”, “I was wrong”, “I was wrong”? Doesn't this seem like a sign of weakness to you?
Remember: deliberate rudeness, inflexibility, rigidity are not signs of strength at all. Most often, this is a mask behind which a complex weakness is hidden.
Psychologists assure that saying these words is much more difficult than spewing out streams of reproaches and accusations. Only the strongest of spirits can admit mistakes. Tell your loved ones about your feelings, do not be afraid to repent to them (after all, we are all not sinless). Don’t be shy about it, don’t skimp on your sincere kind words.
