How to make the right choice in various life situations: advice from a psychologist

How to make the right choice in life? Most people face this dilemma, if not regularly, then at those times in life when they need to make a responsible decision that will have a serious impact on their future life. Let's talk about why it's so difficult to make the right choices in life, as well as ways to make the best decision.

What do many of us begin to do in such situations when we need to make a responsible decision?

• Someone begins to chase this thought an infinite number of times , exhausting themselves in vain, drawing all sorts of positive and negative consequences.
• Someone, fearing to make a final decision, simply lets everything take its course , ultimately losing opportunities.
• Someone starts rushing from side to side , etc.

And only a few, trusting themselves, firmly and confidently make a decision and begin moving along the chosen path.

Why is it difficult to choose? What does indecisiveness indicate?

Why do people get lost in difficult life situations in which they need to make a choice? Where does the determination that they demonstrate several times a day go, when choosing clothes, products, and ways to spend their leisure time?

Psychologists believe that a lack of decisiveness in difficult life situations is characteristic of extremely responsible and conscientious people. In other words, when a person chooses which shirt to wear, he understands that the decision made will not affect others in any way or cause them serious trouble. He also realizes that the choice he makes will in no way affect the course of his life. Therefore, he makes a decision with ease.

Finding yourself in difficult life circumstances, faced with the need to make a difficult choice that will have an impact on the rest of your life and on other people, a person becomes immersed in doubt. He hesitates to make a decision because he does not want to make a mistake, thereby ruining his own life or causing trouble for others. Such a person does not want to let down loved ones, disappoint them and, at the same time, is not ready to forget his own interests and needs.

What to do in such a situation? How to make the right choice? Don't make a mistake? Psychologists advise first to identify those factors that make decision-making difficult and influence it. In other words, you should start with the reasons why determination disappears.

If you are trapped

Usually, making a difficult decision is necessary in a difficult life situation.

Stress affects a person in different ways: some withdraw into themselves, some worry and don’t sleep at night, some become hysterical and take it out on loved ones. One thing remains unchanged: a person seems to fall into the trap of his own psyche; he is often unable to make a choice on his own and acts under the influence of emotions or his close environment.

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Time shows that impulsive and ill-considered decisions are ineffective and can ruin your business, your career, your relationships, in the end. Remember: all serious decisions are made with a cool head. Therefore, before you put into practice the methods described below, do this: turn off your heart and turn on your head. We'll show you how.

There are several ways to pacify emotions:

• short term
  - breathe correctly. Take 10 deep, slow breaths - this will help you calm down;
• medium-term
  - imagine that your friend finds himself in such a situation and asks you for advice. What will you tell him? Surely throw away all emotions and try to look at the situation detachedly, objectively. So try it;
• long-term
  - take a time out. Just let the situation go for a while, do other things, and come back to it after a week or month. This way you will kill two birds with one stone: firstly, you will cut off impulsive decisions and will not cut from the shoulder. And secondly, the right decision will ripen in your head like a ripe fruit - you just need to give it time.

What influences the choice? The main reasons for loss of determination

It would seem that everything is extremely clear. A person is afraid to choose something because of excessive responsibility or, conversely, due to a lack of desire to take it upon himself. But everything is not as simple as it seems.

After all, a person accustomed to responsibility or its absence will simply make a decision or refuse to do so. He will not doubt, think or worry. Accordingly, in addition to such a personality quality as responsibility, there are other factors that contribute to the loss of determination. It is precisely these that psychologists attribute to the reasons why a person cannot understand how to make the right choice in life.

Psychologists list the following as the main reasons for loss of determination:

• the opinions of others, norms and traditions accepted in society;
• patterns present in consciousness, stereotypes;
• various restrictions, both voluntary and not dependent on the will of a person;
• experience of making wrong decisions, lack of self-confidence;
• fears, anxieties, worries;
• lack of a clear understanding of one’s own aspirations, desires, and goals.

Each of these factors, even alone, can influence the choice a person makes. If these reasons appear together, a person cannot make a choice for a very long time, he is tormented by doubts. Moreover, making a decision is very difficult for him and, as a rule, it becomes erroneous.

Consequences of choice

The most pressing consequence of any choice is that choosing one thing means giving up something second, third, etc. If we open one “door”, we have to close the second. That is why the more alternatives a person has, the more difficult it is for him. In such situations, people utter the sacramental phrase that they are “torn to pieces.” Here the following intrapersonal conflict arises: “I need and want,” “I don’t need and don’t want,” “I need and don’t want,” “I don’t need and want.” And this conflict must certainly be resolved. A person can resolve it by resorting to several cunning methods.

An example of the negative impact of the reasons for loss of determination on the choice of profession

What does this look like in everyday life? For example, you have to choose a profession. The teenager cannot decide on anything, although he attends various orientation courses. He does not show enthusiasm, and only shrugs his shoulders to all questions and suggestions from adults.

As a rule, in this situation, in the child’s mind, choosing from the available options is tantamount to a “dream funeral.” He may want to become a musician or an artist, an astronaut, a military man or a surgeon, but he chooses from professions that have nothing to do with his idea of ​​the future.

Accordingly, his choice is influenced by the following factors:

• restrictions - a small provincial town in which there are no necessary educational institutions, the desired profession is not relevant, and there is no money to go anywhere;
• the opinion of relatives - the child is ridiculed, urged to stop “having his head in the clouds”, they give him as an example his classmates who do not strive to “catch a pie in the sky”;
• stereotypes of thinking - for example, the belief that for a military career you need a father-general, for a conservatory - blat, for a painting academy - high-ranking parents;
• fears - loss of parental support, the likelihood of failure, fear of loneliness, lack of money and new places;
• negative experiences of others, own mistakes and failures - perhaps the teenager participated in some competition and did not receive recognition;
• lack of self-confidence - lack of the necessary knowledge, skills, a vague idea of ​​​​the procedure and what will be required to study the desired specialty, doubt in one’s talent.

This is an example of a situation in which it is necessary to overcome the reasons for indecision and choose not what others want, but your own dream. None of the reasons for indecision in this case is objective or insurmountable.

What is choice?

We make choices every day, every hour, every minute of our lives. Whether this choice seems to us to be a serious step or not, the only thing that is certain is that it brings us closer or, on the contrary, moves us further away from our goal.

We have prepared for you three versions of essays on the topic “What is choice?”, which comply with all the rules of the Federal State Educational Standard.

The first version of the essay (based on the text by A.I. Denikin “In the first year of my life, on the day of some holiday, according to an old belief ...”)

text by A.I. Denikin

(1) In the first year of my life, on the day of some holiday, according to an old belief, my parents arranged a fortune telling: they laid out a cross, a child’s saber, a glass and a book. (2) Whatever I touch first will determine my fate. (3) They brought me. (4) I immediately reached for the saber, then played with the glass, but I didn’t want to touch anything else.

(5) When telling me about this scene later, my father laughed: (6) “Well, I think it’s bad: my son will be a slasher and a drunkard!”

(7) This ancient fortune-telling, however, both came true and did not come true. (8) The saber, indeed, predetermined my path in life, but I did not renounce book wisdom either. (9) At the age of fourteen, he enthusiastically read and wrote poetry, at fifteen he switched to Anna Karenina, and at sixteen he read and analyzed everything with his comrades. (10) But, fortunately, he did not become a drunkard.

(11) The stories of my father, who went through the thorny path from soldier to captain, children's games - all this set me in a certain mood. (12) As a boy, I spent hours at a time in the gymnastics town of the 1st Infantry Battalion, shooting at the border guards’ shooting range. (13) I walked about three miles to the shooting range of rifle companies, made my way with the soldiers who were counting the holes to cover in front of the targets. (14) Bullets whistled over our heads; it was scary, but very interesting. (15) On the way back, together with the arrows, he sang a soldier’s song:

(16) Thunder, glory, with a trumpet

Beyond the Danube, beyond the river.

(17) My hobby gave me weight in the eyes of the boys and aroused their envy...

(18) In a word, he settled down in a military environment, making friends among the officers, and even more so among the soldiers.

(19) The future life of an officer seemed to me then in an aura of sheer fun and daring, and not in the burden of work and worries, as is the case in reality.

(20) As I moved into the higher classes, my free time, of course, became less, other interests appeared, and my military exercises almost stopped. (21) The only thing I didn’t give up was gymnastics and excelled in the “military system,” which was introduced into the real school program in 1889.

(22) In any case, when I graduated from college, although high scores in mathematical subjects promised an easy opportunity to enter any higher technical institution, there was no question of this. (23) I chose a military career.

(24) Was this the result of fortune telling? (25) I don’t know... (According to A.I. Denikin)*

Denikin Anton Ivanovich (1872–1947) - Russian military leader, political and public figure, writer, memoirist, publicist and military documentarian.

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Definition of the concept

Every day people consciously or unconsciously make choices. Be it choosing food, clothing or choosing a friend. Life is about choices. I think our lives are the decisions we make. We usually have several options to choose from and we must accept that it is our decision to change our life one way or another.

Argument from the text read

This is how the author of the text, Anton Ivanovich Denikin, talks about what influenced his decision to become a military man. Despite the fact that from early childhood he showed good learning abilities and had the opportunity to enter a technical school, he chose a military career.

An argument from personal experience

Very soon, each of us will be faced with a choice of profession. This is a very serious and responsible choice, because most likely you will have to do this all your life. It seems to me that, despite the advice of friends, teachers and friends, we must make the choice ourselves, listening first of all to our interests.

Conclusion

To summarize, I would like to say that a person has to make choices throughout his entire life. Not only our well-being, but also the well-being of those around us depends on our choices.

Second version of the essay (based on the text by A.V. Gridin) (“Third-year student Zhenya Lesnevsky did not intend to steal a mobile phone...”)

Text by A.V. Gridina

(1) Third-year student Zhenya Lesnevsky did not intend to steal a mobile phone. (2) He was riding in a minibus, and when a girl in a pink jacket got out on Pobeda Avenue, he, changing to her seat, saw a mobile phone on the seat. (3) Of course, he could have shouted and stopped this bungler, but why should he suddenly take care of her, no, let life teach such people. (4) Lesnevsky, seeing someone else’s mobile phone, did not choke with joy, like some money-grubber who in life strives to snatch a thicker and sweeter piece. (5) He indifferently turned the phone over in his hands: monochrome display, cheap model. (6) Of course, he wouldn’t buy such nonsense, but, on the other hand, how could he not take advantage of what he got for free? (7) Lesnevsky told himself that if the girl came to her senses and caught up with the minibus, he would return the lost item to her, it would even turn out that he had saved the phone for her, and if she didn’t come to her senses... (8) Well, don’t just throw it away.

(9) Lazyly talking with his half-asleep conscience, he himself dozed off and even forgot that he had someone else’s phone in his pocket. (10) What made him wake up was a bell - a thin squeak emitted by puny speakers. (11) Lesnevsky looked at the phone and waited for it to go silent. (12) The awakened conscience belatedly grumbled that there was no need to take someone else’s, but at that moment a new bell was heard. (13) The squeak is even thinner, even more pitiful. (14) Lesnevsky, obeying either unconscious curiosity or a noble impulse, decided to answer the caller. (15) As soon as he pressed the key, a loud, choking female scream hit his ears.

- (16) Tanechka, Tanechka, come to the regional hospital quickly. (17) Valya is in trouble. (18) Tanechka, do you hear, daughter?

(19) Lesnevsky hastily pressed the red key - the sound disappeared. (20) He chuckled and looked at the phone with fear. (21) What can he do? (22) You won’t find this bungler in pink now during the day. (23) Don’t go to the hospital yourself to look for some Valya there...

(24) The telephone rang again, and, wincing as if in pain, Lesnevsky pressed the key to turn it off completely. (25) The phone went silent, the green screen went out, as if he had taken someone’s warm heart with his hands and, squeezing it, forced it to stop. (26) He remembered how, as a child, they caught frogs in a pond, laid them on the shore and turned them over on their backs... (27) It seemed to him that the phone was trembling in convulsions, as if the last spasm was running through a dead body. (28) Somewhere a traffic light didn’t work, somewhere on the side of the road a broken car was being repaired, somewhere an ambulance siren was blaring angrily - and all these human troubles that surrounded him tightly seemed to have happened only because he put in pocket someone else's phone.

(29) Finally, unable to bear it, Lesnevsky decided to call the woman who asked for help. (30) He turned on the phone, but the display showed a window for entering a PIN code, which, of course, was unknown to him. (31) He sighed, turned off the phone again, put it in his pocket and, in order to distract himself from bad thoughts, began methodically adding up the numbers in the license plates of cars passing by.

(According to A.V. Gridin)*

* Alexey Vladimirovich Gridin (born in 1975) is a modern Russian writer.

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Definition of the concept

What is choice? A choice is a person’s decision, which in some cases can seriously affect not only his fate, but also the fate of the people around him. Therefore, it is important to take the issue of choice seriously.

Argument from the text read

So, in the text by A.V. Gridina is a young man, a third-year student, showing himself from the ugliest side. Having found someone else's mobile phone, he considers it a huge burden for himself to try to return it to its owner. Even though he subsequently finds out that some kind of misfortune has happened related to the owner of the phone, he treats this misfortune negligently and with apathy. He not only does not return the phone to the owner, but also wants to keep it for himself, which completely undermines respect for him.

An argument from personal experience

I think that each of us in life has encountered situations when people around us needed help and their fate depended on our choice. At a crucial moment, we must make the right choice, a choice that, in some cases, can save the life of another person.

Conclusion

So, choosing is a serious step that should be taken only when you are sure that you are right.

Third version of the essay (based on the text by E.V. Grishkovets) (“Mom, when I was not yet in school, she worked as an engineer and drew a lot ...”)

Text by A.V. E.V. Grishkovets

(1) Mom, when I was not yet in school, worked as an engineer and did a lot of drawing. (2) The drawings were so beautiful, and her preparation cabinet with shiny things was so extraordinarily attractive that I could not pass by. (3) Of course, they caught me and didn’t let me in, but I still ruined several drawings and broke some compasses.

“(4) He is clearly drawn to the exact sciences,” my mother said seriously to my father.

(5) At school it immediately became clear that I was not drawn to the exact sciences. (6) I studied very averagely. (7) Mom said that if I continue like this, I will become a loader. (8) The expression on my father’s face at that time was such that I guessed: he doubted that my mother was telling the truth.

(9) In short, I never considered the profession of a loader as a promising one.

(10) When I was in high school, my parents taught at the university. (11) Mom taught thermodynamics, and father worked as the head of the department at the Faculty of Economics.

(12) But algebra, geometry and physics were still the darkest subjects for me. (13) My parents themselves understood that I would not follow in their footsteps, and did not even hint at it.

(14) What opportunities did I have? (15) University, cultural institute and, of course, medical.

(16) I always liked medical school. (17) Firstly, my beloved uncle taught there. (18) Secondly, my second cousin studied there, whom I also liked. (19) But somehow the so-called anatomist was frightening. (20) I understood: I couldn’t even just enter the building where she was located.

(21) Then I started going to the Institute of Culture. (22) I listened and watched performances of the student choir, concerts of students of the variety department, performances staged and performed by students. (23) Of course, I didn’t understand this well then, but I felt deathly boredom and the terrifying joylessness of what I saw. (24) The smell of the “anatomist” seemed to haunt me, it came from everything there: in all the performances the uselessness of what was happening was visible. (25) Useless to anyone! (26) Neither the speakers nor the audience. (27) This lack of hope for joy made me firmly abandon the idea of ​​​​entering a cultural institute.

(28) But I wanted... (29) I don’t know what I wanted. (30) Nothing definite. (31) I wanted to be a student. (32) I wanted to study not very hard and not very boring... (33) I wanted a fun, interesting, real life. (34) The main thing is real life, with the whole being. (According to E.V. Grishkovets)*

* Grishkovets Evgeny Valerievich (born in 1967) is a modern Russian writer, playwright, director, actor, musician. He became famous after he was awarded the Golden Mask national theater award in 1999. He is the author of the books “Shirt”, “Rivers”, “Traces on Me”, “Asphalt”.

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Definition of the concept

Choice is a conscious decision-making from a variety of options offered; it is a preference for one option over another. A person is constantly faced with a situation of choice; it is a vital necessity. It is especially important to make the right decision when choosing a future profession, because a person’s future life depends on it. Sometimes making such a choice is very difficult. I will prove the truth of my words with specific examples.

Argument from the text read

The hero of the text by E. Grishkovets talks about how he chose his future profession. The boy had three options: to become an engineer, like his mother, a doctor, like his uncle and brother, or a cultural worker. He saw pros and cons in every profession. At this stage of life, the hero has not been able to make up his mind, but we understand that sooner or later he cannot avoid making this important decision.

An argument from personal experience

But A.V. Suvorov did not have to think long about choosing his future profession. Already in childhood, despite poor health and lack of support from his father, he decided to become a military man. Therefore, he devoted the rest of his life to achieving his goal. The correctness of the path he chose is proven by the fact that the name of A. Suvorov entered the history of our country as the name of a legendary commander.

Conclusion

Thus, making a choice is half the battle; the main thing is not to make a mistake with your choice.

Example of Positive Influence

If completely objective reasons prevent you from making a decision, then you should not fight them. What could it be? Insurmountable factors that a person cannot change.

The list of such reasons for indecision most clearly demonstrates the choice of profession. For example, a teenager dreams of becoming an opera singer, so he hesitates to enter a pedagogical university or culinary college.

It is worth giving up trying to make a career on the opera stage for the following reasons:

• limitations - no hearing, no voice of the required range and timbre;
• the opinion of loved ones - the teenager is told about the lack of artistry and charisma;
• stereotypes - the child did not study at a music school or in solfeggio classes;
• fears are a waste of time, failure in exams, due to which the year will be “lost”;
• negative experience - singing karaoke did not delight the listeners;
• uncertainty - no idea of ​​one’s own worth in the desired profession.

Thus, having analyzed the reasons for indecision, a person understands that his right choice will be the one that circumstances dictate to him.

Say no to perfectionism

Oddly enough, perfectionism and indecisiveness often go hand in hand. Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, states:

In today's world, where the choice is almost unlimited, the desire to choose the best option leads to one frustration. Try not to look for “the best,” but only for “good enough.”

Barry Schwartz

Trying to choose the best, we begin to postpone the choice and sooner or later slide into procrastination. Therefore, do not try to chase an unattainable ideal, but work with what you have at the moment.

Methodology "for" and "against". How not to miss anything?

Choices and decisions must be based on something. In other words, before committing an important act, you need to carefully weigh all the pros and cons. Every person, without a doubt, knows about this.

How to do this so as not to miss anything? Very simple. Psychologists advise arming yourself with sheets of paper and a pencil. On one sheet of paper you should write: “What do I get?” The title on the other should accordingly be about human loss. There should be exactly as many such sheets as the number of solution options available to a person. If there are a lot of them, then psychologists advise choosing sheets of different colors, labeling each one with your intended choice, and hanging them on the wall. You need to secure a pencil nearby.

Of course, you don't need to fill out the sheets at once. You shouldn’t agonize over the pros and cons. This is done gradually, the necessary thoughts themselves arise in the head, since the human brain works on the task even when the consciousness is occupied by other questions and problems.

In the process of filling out the sheets, solution options that are unnecessary for a person will disappear. As soon as it becomes obvious that one of the choices is not correct, its sheet should be removed from the wall. In the end, the solution to the issue that is optimal will remain.

Reception “Choice without choice”

The “Choice without Choice” technique is a special type of indirect suggestion, during which one person influences the unconscious area of ​​another. In psychological science, this technique is called the “double bind.” It was developed, like a huge number of other methods of influencing the human unconscious, by a world-famous psychotherapist named Milton Erickson (by the way, you can learn more about his strategies from the works of the founders of neurolinguistic programming, John Grinder and Richard Bandler).

At its core, the “Choice without choice” technique is similar to the “presumption of purchase,” when the seller behaves as if the client already agrees to purchase the product (service, product, idea, etc.).

In its simplest form, the Choice Without Choice technique can take the form of very simple but tricky questions, for example:

• So where should we go on vacation - India or Thailand?
• Shall we talk about this right now or in half an hour?
• Are you buying two T-shirts or one?
• Are we meeting tonight or tomorrow morning?
• Will you sign the contract now or after reading it?

As you can see, questions are asked in such a way that the addressee has the opportunity to choose one of several, usually two, options, but each of which is suitable for the person asking the questions. Thus, the defendant simply does not have the opportunity to respond in the negative. This, in fact, is the technology itself.

Do you agree that the technique is quite simple, but effective?

How to use the technique if there are several options left?

It is not always the case that when using the “pros” and “cons” methodology, you are left with a couple of sheets of paper listing the pros and cons of a certain solution option. Sometimes it turns out that there are quite a lot of papers hanging on the wall.

This happens especially often if a person chooses a job after successfully passing interviews in different companies.

Psychologists advise in such a situation to complicate the technique. You need to add others to the existing sheets, on which you should write down the pros and cons of this option, which will be relevant in the future. The time intervals depend on how serious the choice has to be made. If we are talking about the place of work, then sheets marked “6 months”, “1 year”, “a couple of years” are enough.

The main thing is not to indulge in fantasies, not to get carried away and not to imagine unnecessary things. The pros and cons must be completely realistic. They must also be close to the person. For example, in a year a person will be able to spend a vacation traveling around Europe. In two years, buy a motorcycle or make repairs. That is, you need to make a forecast based on existing realities; you should not write as a plus that in a couple of years a person will become a department head or a store director. Career growth is a possibility, not an advantage that will certainly be achieved. The sheets with minuses are filled out in the same way.

If it is difficult to cope with this task alone, you need to invite friends to visit. With joint efforts, it is sometimes much easier to find a suitable solution to any problem.

Choice for the future

By choosing the future, we choose anxiety. Unknown and unpredictability. Because the future, the real future, cannot be predicted. The future cannot be predicted, but it can be planned. However, often planning for the future is planning for an endless repetition of the present. The real future is the unknown. Therefore, this choice deprives us of peace, and anxiety settles in the soul. But development and growth lie only in the future. It is not in the past, the past has already happened and can only repeat itself. It won't be any different.

Do you need to consult with other people?

How to make the right choice in life? Need to think about everything connected with it alone? Or should you discuss the problem with someone?

Psychologists believe that discussing important issues, including those that require choice, with other people is necessary. However, one should not confuse discussion and listening to advice with shifting responsibility for decisions to others and with blindly following other people's instructions.

In how to make an important choice without making a mistake, listening to outside opinions is extremely useful. It’s not for nothing that people say: “One head is good, but two are better.” A person is rarely completely objective and impartial. Discussing an important issue with someone will allow you to look at the problem with different eyes, and can also provoke the emergence of new thoughts.

Questions to ask yourself before choosing

So, when faced with a serious life choice, you need to think about the following:

• Is my choice in favor of the past or in favor of the future?
• What is the price of my choice (what am I willing to sacrifice for its implementation)?
• Is my choice dictated by maximalism or minimalism?
• Am I ready to take full responsibility for the consequences of my choice?
• Once I make a choice, do I close out all other alternatives?
• Am I making the whole choice, or only half of it?
• And finally, the question of meaning: “Why am I choosing this?

Make a choice with your heart, but don't forget about your mind. And remember: first of all, do what you think is right, and not what others think is right.

Basic rules for making the right choice

How to make a choice? A psychologist's advice may be different, since each life situation has its own characteristics and unique nuances. After all, when making a decision, it is important not only to take into account your own opinion, determine the factors influencing it, or understand which option will be better. It is necessary to take into account the realities surrounding a person, his personal and family circumstances, and much more.

In addition to specific advice that is valuable for specific life situations, psychologists also give general recommendations. That is, advice that is applicable in all circumstances and useful in solving any issues.

The basic rules that must be followed in order to make the right choice are:

• limitation of the area of ​​responsibility;
• collection and analysis of information;
• discussion with other people;
• the correct formulation of a life question.

Each of these factors is necessary when solving any issue.

The secret of the “Choice without choice” technique

The basis of the “Choice without Choice” technique is the patterns of stereotypical behavior of people. According to the famous American psychologist Robert Cialdini, stereotypical or automatic behavior of people prevails in everyday life, because in most life situations it is the most appropriate, and in other cases it is simply necessary.

The technique in question works like a trigger mechanism that initiates a reaction to a stimulus. Imagine a shortcut on the desktop of your computer - you can, of course, go to the Start menu and find the program or file you need in the appropriate folders, but it is much easier to click on the shortcut on the desktop to immediately access what you need.

The aforementioned Robert Cialdini calls this automated human response “click, buzz.” For example, when a cell phone rings, a person automatically looks at its screen to find out who is calling, without thinking about whether to look at the screen or not. In this case, the ringing of a mobile phone is a “click”, and the person’s glance at the screen is a “buzz”, which represents a specific sequence of actions.

An automated reaction allows you to spend less time and effort, because otherwise a person’s behavior would become somewhat inhibited, because he would record what was happening, evaluate it and check where the extra energy and time would be spent.

In addition, the comfort zone is directly related to the “Choice without Choice” technique.

Responsibility and information

How to make the right choice if you do not have complete information about the possible options? Of course not. Techniques that help make decisions based on intuition are used only in extreme situations.

Accordingly, it is important to learn as much as possible about possible options, and the information should be objective and relate to both the present time and the past and future. For example, if you need to choose a place to work, then you need to find out everything about how the company developed, whether it often needs employees, and what its prospects are.

Limiting the area of ​​responsibility is a rule that encourages you not to take on too much or too little. That is, when thinking about choosing something, you don’t need to be overly pessimistic or full of enthusiasm. For example, if we are talking about marriage, one should not be confident that over the years the partner will change under the influence of the one who makes the choice, but one should not deny the person personal development either.

What would I choose if it were not for fear?

Unfortunately, too many decisions in our lives are made for us by our own fears and stereotypes. Of course, successful businessmen take a balanced approach to all the risks they take on in their choices, but they also take a conscious approach to their fears in doing so. If you feel obstacles, write down (literally!) all your fears and doubts and carefully work through them with someone who will help you be objective. Sometimes the choice that causes us the most fear is the best one.

Discussion and formulation

Talking to other people helps you see the problem in a new light. However, you need to carefully approach the choice of interlocutors, otherwise the discussion of the choice may turn into agitation or a furious argument.

In order to talk to someone, you need to clearly formulate the task at hand. After all, otherwise the interlocutor may misunderstand exactly what choice a person needs to make and what he wants to talk about. But clarity of language is necessary not only for discussion, but also for personal reflection. If a person poses a vague question, devoid of specifics, then there will be an incredibly large number of possible solutions. And this will definitely make the choice difficult.

The choice of maximalists and minimalists

Maximalists strive to make the best choice—not just to minimize error, but to choose the best alternative that is available. If you buy a phone, then it is the best one in terms of price-quality ratio, or the most expensive, or the newest and most “advanced”. The main thing is that he is “the best”.

In contrast to the maximalists are the minimalists. They strive to choose the option that best suits their needs. And then you don’t need the “most” phone, but to make calls and send SMS. This is quite enough for them. Maximalism complicates the choice, because there is always a chance that something will be better somewhere. And this thought haunts maximalists.

How to make the right choice between two jobs?

The answer seems to be simple, you should go to the place of service where the person is better. What is usually meant by this? Salary, conditions, benefits package, career growth, schedule. It is these criteria that people immediately pay attention to and choose a job in accordance with them.

Without a doubt this is correct. But why then do many people regret their choice? Psychologists believe that when making a decision, not only the obvious side, so to speak, the material one, should be taken into account, but also the one that is rarely thought about - the emotional one.

Work is the place where a person spends most of his time. Accordingly, he should be comfortable, and fulfilling his work duties should bring him joy. Unfortunately, for the vast majority of people this is an unattainable utopia. Why did this happen? Because when making a choice, little things that seemed not particularly significant were not taken into account. For example, team, remoteness, interest in responsibilities.

That is, when choosing between two jobs, you need to imagine yourself in a new place and understand what will be gained and what will be lost. You should not imagine an abstract picture of yourself in the office, but a full weekday from the moment you wake up until you return from work, without forgetting a single detail.

How to do it? Very simple. You need to work in both places, for this there is such a thing as a “probationary period”. After all, not only the employer evaluates the employee at this time, but the person is also looking at the place of work.

As for the methods that facilitate decision-making, the “pros” and “cons” method will be an ideal assistant in choosing.

Lack of self-confidence

Most people lack confidence in themselves. The soul of every person, his True Self, always knows how to act optimally in accordance with his destiny for incarnation.

But many of us simply do not hear the voice of our soul, which is trying to suggest the right decision.

The voice of the soul is quiet, it can be heard by observing internal silence, which you can learn to do through meditation to stop the internal dialogue.

In the bustle of everyday affairs, not many of us can hear the whisper of the soul. Meanwhile, the voice of the ego (human personality) is loud and drowns out our True or Higher Self.

It also happens that the soul finally reached the person’s consciousness and suggested the right decision, but here’s an ambush!

Over the course of life, we become so accustomed to the fact that the more complex and “involved” we come up with a solution, the more successful the outcome of the matter will be, that we immediately manage to push it aside!

Meanwhile, the Universe is a very practical lady)), and it always follows the path of least resistance, that is, there is always a simpler solution to the problem than it might seem! Everything ingenious is simple!

How not to make a mistake in choosing a lady?

How to choose between two women? This is an incredibly complex question with no single answer.

Psychologists often advise taking into account common interests, social equality, equal education and other similar factors. However, in life it is not so difficult to find a lot of examples of strong, happy marriages, during the conclusion of which not one of the conditions was met.

Of course, you can imagine what life will be like with each of the women in 10, 20 years. Discuss the problem with friends or family, listen to their advice. Analyze the pros and cons of each of the ladies, take into account the families in which they grew up. But all this will never guarantee the right choice when it comes to relationships between people. It is impossible to look into the head and soul of another person. By analyzing and evaluating others, a person actually makes a choice between his own ideas about them.

Maybe if the question arises about choosing between two ladies, this indicates that neither of them is suitable, is not the one and only?

If you still need to choose, it is worth conducting some kind of testing. You need to find yourself in an extreme situation and see how the candidates behave with heart and hand. For example, you can act out a car accident, after which a person is unable to move. But you need to understand that such testing requires time and the creation of an illusion indistinguishable from reality. The first reaction of both ladies will be “love until the grave,” but after a month or two only the one who is not afraid of difficulties will remain. However, will she leave after learning that she was tested? There is no answer to this question.

It's so scary to choose

A five-year-old boy is about to go outside to play with his friends. And his parents persuade him to stay at home, promising to stay with him if he doesn’t go. They have their own reasons for this. At this age, a child cannot choose: he wants both equally. And no matter what choice he makes, he will remain dissatisfied. Because parents rarely choose time to play with him. Because the friends outside the window have already started the game.

A girl, after graduating from school, must make the right choice. Her whole life revolves around music. Parents paid for music school, bought instruments, but did not take it seriously. This is a hobby. That's what they thought. And now she is offered to enter the prestigious Faculty of Economics. This is a bright future, good salary, short working hours. What should I do? Your whole life depends on this choice.

There is a good old parable about a donkey who was really hungry. When he found himself between food and water, he could not understand what he wanted more. As a result, the donkey died on the spot from hunger and thirst: he could not make the right choice. How to avoid becoming such a donkey? Let's look at the issue in detail.

Society's opinion

“Make the right choice,” that’s what my family says.
How to do it? The opinions of other people play an important role. What will my relatives say if I apply not to become an economist, but to become a singing teacher? They will sigh, shake their heads and judge. They will say nasty things behind your back. But is it worth building a life based on the opinions of others? Here are some answers to this question.

• Each person has his own path.
• Children should not live up to their parents' ideals. These are completely different people, with their own destiny. Consanguinity does not play a role in this regard.
• Every great person once went against the grain and felt the misunderstanding and condemnation of those around him.
• The main thing is to believe in yourself. “The one who walks will master the road.”
• People will judge you anyway. This is a way to gain satisfaction by humiliating another. Don't expect anything from the opinions of others.
• Everyone has their own path. If someone else cannot understand your path, this is his personal drama. Not yours.

Based on the above, we can conclude: public opinion should not influence your choice.

Imposed patterns and stereotypes

Since childhood, we have accepted and internalized a lot of patterns that, in fact, have long been outdated or had no value at all.

How to make choices intuitively?

This question is of interest to many, because often people who are stubborn and listen to the voice of the heart, and not to the mind, turn out to be right and achieve success.

Everyone has intuition, but not everyone knows how to perceive it. In order to hear your inner voice, you need to do the following:

• sit down;
• close eyes;
• free your mind from vain thoughts and worries;
• speak out loud the available options from which you have to choose.

You need to take breaks between phrases. After voicing them, you should listen to your body, to the sensations in the solar plexus area. If it’s warm and pleasant inside, then the voiced option is good. If it becomes uncomfortable, begins to feel nauseous or feels cold, then the option is bad and there is no need to choose it.

Psychologists advise resorting to intuition not only in the absence of information, the impossibility of discussion, or the presence of equivalent options for something. It is recommended to resort to intuitive analysis in addition to the usual thinking about the upcoming choice. This will give you confidence in its correctness or allow you to notice the error in time.

Two angels of choice

So, every time in a situation of serious (and sometimes not so serious) choice, we are faced with the figures of two angels, one of whom is called Calm, and the other - Anxiety. Calmness indicates a road well trodden by you or others. Alarm - on the path that ends in an impassable windfall. But the first road leads back, and the second leads forward.

The old Jew Abraham, dying, called his children to him and said to them: “When I die and appear before the Lord, he will not ask me: “Abraham, why were you not Moses?” And he won’t ask: “Abraham, why weren’t you Daniel?” He will ask me: “Abraham, why weren’t you Abraham?!”

Do thought experiments

In his popular blog Wait But Why, Tim Urban advised his readers to make decisions—even important ones like marriage or career choice—using thought experiments.

For example, you doubt whether to continue your romance or whether it is better to break up with your partner. Tim Urban suggests the following: imagine a button. Clicking on it will teleport you to the future, two months after the breakup. Your difficult conversations, public scenes and scandals are in the past, your closet is free of the things of your ex or ex - not a single forgotten sock. All in the past. Would you press such a button? If so, then you are not afraid of a breakup, but of the hassle and troubles that accompany it.

Or, for example, you want to go on a trip, but you can’t decide. Imagine asking your friend to make a choice for you. One fine day he hands you an envelope containing your tickets for tomorrow's flight. Are you excited and looking forward to adventure or disappointed? If the latter, then you don’t really want to go somewhere.

Urban says these kinds of thought experiments allow people who are logic-obsessed and always trying to follow reason to start listening to their intuition.

Use a random number generator

Another option is to choose between several equivalent options randomly. This method is recommended by venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis. He always has to decide how to conduct his business on the stock exchange, so he hardly thinks about unimportant issues, transferring the choice... to his watch.

To choose between all sorts of everyday little things, I use the “Consult the Clock” method. I'm narrowing the list of options down to two. Then I assign each option to one side of my watch - right or left. I look at which half of the dial the second hand is on at this moment. Decision is made. It sounds stupid, but if you try this method, you will thank me again. Saves a lot of time.

Patrick McGinnis

You might as well roll dice or flip a coin, just like Harvey Dent.