Manipulation: what it is and how to resist. Types and techniques

Everyone strives to achieve goals, which can be completely different and depend on many factors that determine a person’s life and his personality. In the same way, the methods of their implementation may differ. One person can achieve them only on his own, guided by principles that are ethical in relation to others, with an understanding of which methods of achieving results are appropriate and which ones cross the boundaries of what is acceptable. Another can exert a psychological influence on people and use them for personal gain.

This is called manipulation. It does not always carry a negative connotation, but it is necessary to know what it is, how it is carried out, and what manipulation techniques there are. Firstly, this will help you protect yourself from the psychological influence of others, and secondly, you yourself will learn to use manipulation, because, one way or another, there are situations when it is quite acceptable, which you can learn about in our program “Profiling: Understanding human psychology."

Relevance of the problem, or where manipulation occurs

Every sphere of life and any system of relationships (parent-child, adult-adult, employee-boss, seller-customer) is permeated with manipulation techniques.

• The media voices news about how people against their will take out loans, buy goods, join organizations or follow someone’s recommendations (for example, the sensational activities of A. Chumak in the 80s or “MMM” in the 90s "and similar modern pyramids).
• The urgency of the problem is also determined by the increased risk situation on the Internet among young people. For example, death groups or mobile games based on manipulation of the consciousness of adolescents and psychological effects on the mobile psyche.
• Advertising, fortune tellers, traditional healers - a system of manipulation and suggestion.

Manipulation is the control of a person’s consciousness for the benefit of the manipulator. And this happens at every step.

Results

First of all, to protect yourself from manipulation, you need to avoid any communication with the manipulator. You need to try to minimize contact with this person and, if possible, try to turn off your emotions. If you do not take any actions under the influence of other people’s words, but first think about them, this will help reduce the intensity of the psychological impact. A person’s desire to manipulate is most often a hidden desire for power. A person can reconsider his methods of communicating with people if he is given a positive assessment and praise. In addition, you need to keep your distance from the manipulator and not tell him anything about your life or other details. This is due to the fact that the more information a manipulator has about an object, the more ways he will have influence. You also need to learn to say “no.” It’s better to be thought of as a callous person than to do someone else’s work all the time.

What is manipulation

Psychological manipulation is a control effect on a person and his psyche on the part of the manipulator. In this case, the true goal is hidden, called a false one, and the advantage is achieved at the expense of the victim.

The victim of a manipulator is a person who is influenced against his will to shape his needs and motives.

A manipulator is a person who influences the minds of other people. There are 4 types of manipulators:

• active,
• passive,
• competitive
• indifferent.

At the same time, according to the type of behavior of the manipulator, we can also distinguish:

• dictator
• rag,
• bully,
• judge.

The names of the behavior models speak for themselves.

The opposite of a manipulator is an actualizer. In psychology, it is generally accepted that both opposites are inherent in a person, but, as always, the one that he feeds more wins. The task of a person in order to become a person is to learn to be an actualizer.

The comparative characteristics of the manipulator and the actualizer are as follows (table below).

Reasons for influence

It is necessary to distinguish between an ordinary request and an intrusive, harsh call to action. Manipulators usually use the second tactic. They can humiliate, insult, and morally kill a person. Some do it to satisfy their needs, others do it because they have a mental disorder.

Manipulation of people is carried out for the following reasons:

• the need to satisfy one's needs at any cost;
• the desire to get some benefit in an easy way;
• the need to feel in charge, to feel power;
• the need to increase self-esteem and self-worth;
• desire to play with the victim in order to get pleasure;
• the need to test some techniques for managing people.

Manipulators suffer from various diseases: Machiavellianism, narcissistic, borderline, anxious, dependent, hysterical personality disorders, type A nervousness, psychological addiction.

Manipulators choose weak people. They are easier to control because they rarely resist. Sometimes manipulation reaches the point of abuse, which means violence in relationships.

They have a different character: psychological, emotional, physical. For the abuser, this is a way to assert himself at the expense of the weakness of others.

Basis of manipulation

Manipulation, as T.V. Barlas notes in his work, is based on a person’s motives, or more precisely, the influence on motives.

• Usually several motives are involved, for example, in the world of work it is the motive of earnings, prestige, personal growth, the motive of interest in the work itself.
• However, as a rule, one of them prevails.

There is an opinion that a person begins to manipulate someone in the event of his own internal conflict of motives.

Prestige at work

Manipulation of people begins at the hiring stage. The boss demands too much from his subordinates. Rarely satisfied with work, always finds something to complain about. Fines, insults, and public accusations are common occurrences.

But there are also those who inspire a sense of trust with a good attitude towards their subordinates. But they are gradually being made victims.

There is another way. The boss pretends that he has known the person for a long time. Friendly, trusting relationships develop, which is the ideal moment to attack the victim employee.

Examples of manipulations that are aimed at inducing feelings of fear:

1. “If you don’t complete the task by tomorrow, you won’t receive payment for it”;
2. “If you make such a mistake again, I’ll fire you”;
3. “Because of you, our team did not receive a promotion”;
4. “You are responsible for the fate of the entire group of employees”;
5. “You know how I feel about you, so don’t let me down,” etc.

The employee is also capable of manipulation. Directs his actions towards his manager and colleagues.

The “victim role” technique is used with the manager, especially during delays. The person blames the incident on traffic jams, a breakdown of the elevator in the office, public transport, etc. The main thing is to prove that this is not his fault.

It happens that an employee complains about life, trying to evoke a feeling of pity in the boss. The motives are different: the desire to get a promotion, increase your salary, build trusting relationships, improve your self-esteem.

Sometimes colleagues who envy a successful employee make repeated comments to him, criticize him, and make him feel like an insignificance. The goal is to eliminate a competitor or reduce his desire to move up the career ladder .

Types and techniques of manipulation

There are several options for manipulation. For example, we can distinguish indirect and direct.

Direct manipulation

It implies the influence on consciousness by rational arguments, that is, by the real characteristics of the product (deed, action). This is relevant in the case when a person has decided that he needs it, but does not have specific guidelines (for what and what exactly).

Indirect impact

It is used in the case when a person does not intend to acquire a thing (act in any way), but they want to force it on him through psychological manipulation. Two techniques are common in this context: missed opportunity and exclusivity.

• The first is based on the fear that what is missing will become more valuable. In trading, these are promotions, discounts, “last hours”, “last days”, “last goods”. In relationships, these are phrases like “If we don’t go to the resort, then I will leave you.”
• The exclusivity technique affects the consumer's self-esteem. That is, a feeling of self-satisfaction and dignity when purchasing a VIP (premium) product or marrying a girl for whom “a crowd of suitors was running after.”

Impact on the subconscious

This is perhaps the most effective and favorite (especially by advertisers) method. These techniques are usually used in advertising, media, or product presentations from fraudulent companies.

Associations

The principle of this technology is based on building connections. For example, in advertising, where chocolate helps you meet people. At the subconscious level, this will remain as an attitude to buy this product. That is, we are talking about creating associative connections between the product and personal value or pleasure:

• prestige and status;
• love and marriage;
• sexuality and attractiveness;
• family well-being;
• luck;
• comfort (moral and material);
• history and culture (national values);
• elimination of illness and pain.

Trance

This technique includes:

• abundance of personnel, frequency of their changes, that is, overload of consciousness;
• visual demonstration of a trance state (freezing in one position, without speech or movement);
• ridiculous phrases and contradictions, blunders (the consciousness understands, the subconscious absorbs);
• growing tension with an unexpected outcome.

Game as manipulation

At the level of intimate-personal communication, manipulations and motives are carried out in the form of a game, for example, according to E. Berne, the most common is a quarrel (scandal). Its components include:

• trick (discussion of a sore subject in an inappropriate situation);
• vulnerable spot (urgent need, important motive, which is constantly in the attention of the second “player”);
• interactions (replicas gradually gaining volume and scope);
• stupefaction and denouement (temporary or final quarrel);
• gain (existential, that is, confirmation of one’s belief, or psychological, that is, the achievement of an unconscious motive).

The same game scheme, by the way, can be found in trading:

• the seller throws a trick (“This model is the best, but it’s more expensive”);
• a person feels a blow to a vulnerable spot (wealth);
• buys an item (resolution);
• and then regrets the purchase and doesn’t understand how it happened.

However, games in close interpersonal relationships are not necessarily manipulative and are somewhat different from overt manipulative games.

• In personal games, both participants must be active, they are usually not aware of their true motives, both participants win, but the winning has no practical implementation, the game lasts a long time.
• During manipulation, one participant is active, his motives are conscious, the gain is practical, and the manipulation is short.

Tricks and manipulations in communication

In the sphere of communication, R.V. Kozyakov identifies tricks and manipulations. There are 3 groups in total.

Organizational and procedural

Suitable for heating up the atmosphere during discussions, negotiations, conversations (more relevant for business communication). These include:

• formation of a primary attitude (tuning the partner in the manner desired by the manipulator);
• provision of materials the day before;
• avoiding repeated discussion;
• the atmosphere is heated by the aggressors of the dispute;
• primary continuity in voting;
• suspending the discussion on the desired option;
• selective loyalty in compliance with regulations;
• pseudo-decision making;
• break in discussion;
• letting off steam on unimportant issues;
• accidental lack of documents;
• excessive information;
• loss of documents;
• ignoring suggestions;
• abrupt change of topic.

brain teaser

These include:

• uncertainty of thesis;
• failure to comply with the law of sufficient cause;
• vicious circle of evidence;
• cause-and-effect syllogism;
• incomplete refutation;
• wrong analogies.

Psychological

The widest group, used for any type, style and form of communication:

• irritation of the opponent;
• use of unclear words and terms;
• unexpectedly fast pace of discussion;
• turning the dispute into speculation;
• reading thoughts for suspicion;
• reference to higher interests without deciphering them;
• judgments like “this is banal”;
• accustoming to a specific thought;
• understatement with a hint of special motives;
• reference to authority;
• accusation of utopian ideas;
• flattery or compliment;
• false shame (sometimes with reproach);
• belittlement by irony;
• demonstration of resentment;
• the authority or frankness of the statement;
• double-entry bookkeeping;
• apparent inattention;
• misunderstanding or miscommunication;
• practical unacceptability;
• reliance on a past statement;
• labels;
• substitution of information;
• visible support;
• linguistic cosmetics;
• reducing fact to personal opinion;
• argument selection;
• ridicule;
• Trojan horse;
• boomerang;
• silence;
• half-truth;
• lie;
• carrot and stick;
• multi-questioning;
• “Do you have something against it?”

Baby tricks

Young children (under 2 years old) are not prone to manipulating people. This property appears closer to 3 years. The main tools of manipulation are tears, screaming, hysterics, which are often activated in public places.

10 basic children's manipulations:

1. “My tummy (arm, leg) hurts”;
2. “I’ll play a little more and come back”;
3. “But my mother (father) allows me”;
4. “I’m sorry, I’ll never do this again”;
5. “I didn’t do this”;
6. “It’s his fault”;
7. “Buy me this toy, I will be obedient”;
8. “And my friend’s parents bought this thing”;
9. "You are the best";
10. “I will leave because this family doesn’t like me.”

But the main thing in such manipulations is not the words spoken, but the emotions that manifest themselves in the process of pronouncing them. In such a situation, the behavior of the parents is important. When a child cries loudly because he is refused a toy, he needs to be calmed down and explained why this is impossible to do now. If he compares mom and dad with other parents, it is better to ignore these words and not show emotions.

What does the success of manipulation depend on?

Not every impact on the psyche is successful. Why are some people easily manipulated, while others are not at all; Why is it easy to manipulate a person in one situation, but difficult to manipulate in another? Not every condition ensures the success of manipulation. The manipulation is successful:

• with the authority of the manipulator;
• when the victim is ill or weak;
• in an appropriate setting (for a fortune teller it is important to fill the room with mysticism);
• when the victim’s personal qualities are favorable for the manipulator (uncertainty, modesty, timidity);
• with developed abilities and education of the manipulator (in matters of techniques);
• with competent influence of the manipulator on the motives and interests of the victim;
• when the victim is uneducated in the matter of manipulation.

Management in education

Parents manipulate their children from early childhood. Examples of such requirements are given below. Usually they ask:

1. recite a poem for candy;
2. make friends with another child to please mom and dad;
3. sit calmly at the doctor’s appointment so that you can then receive the desired toy.

Later, the child is required to tell only the truth. If he does not do this, he will be punished or used physical force. The main punishment is house arrest or deprivation of pocket money.

Schoolchildren are asked to study excellently so as not to upset their parents. There is constant pressure on the child. He is blackmailed in different ways: the role of a victim, the role of a servant, excuses, false guilt, aggressive anger. The main thing is to make the student study well.

Methods and techniques for resisting manipulation

Manipulation is counteracted by internal natural psychological defenses and conscious techniques used by a person.

Analysis of the situation

Before choosing a resistance technique, it is necessary to analyze the game (manipulation) according to the following plan:

1. Identify the main feature: the obvious contradiction between the real result and the put forward goals of interaction.
2. Determine the specific type (game or manipulation) and possible winnings. If one participant gets a practical gain, it’s manipulation, but if the other gets a psychological gain, it’s a game. If there is no practical gain at all, it’s a game.
3. Reveal the true motives and goals of the participants. They are the ones who determine the outcome. Or determine a specific form of manipulation from those mentioned earlier.

Resistance

Resistance to manipulation can be passive or active.

Passive resistance

It is characterized by:

• delayed spontaneous reactions to provocations;
• attack speed limit;
• analysis of the situation;
• forcing the manipulator to abandon his plans or reveal them.

This type of resistance is effective when the victim is confused or does not want to spoil the relationship with the manipulator.

Forms of passive protection include:

• ignoring (complete or partial) words (lack of reaction);
• unexpected but tactful silence;
• imitation that what was said was not heard;
• agreement with everything (“yes, you are right, I’m wrong”);
• repeating the manipulator's request, but with a questioning intonation.

As a rule, the manipulator does not expect such a reaction or quickly recognizes this resistance and then retreats.

Obviously, these forms require great self-control from the potential victim. This can be achieved using certain techniques:

1. Looking. Focusing not on the words of the manipulator, but on his face (moreover, his gaze should be as independent and calm as possible) or on the surrounding environment.
2. Observation. Presenting the manipulator in a different form (shorter, fatter, naked, gray or too bright) or morally superior to him (sincere understanding that aggression follows because of the deep unhappiness of the manipulator), detachment (pauses necessary to select a worthy and tactful response) .
3. You should not try to insult the manipulator.

Active resistance

Involves the opposite behavior: exposure and retaliation. You can use 4 methods:

1. Before the conversation (discussion, interaction), open discussion of the inadmissibility of manipulation. However, this technique can rarely be planned and is often violated.
2. Then it is recommended to pay attention to revealing the essence of the trick. Tell everyone publicly about the specific type of manipulation identified, its author, his actions and intentions (“Are you trying to fool us all here, Ivan Ivanovich”).
3. A repeated reminder of the inadmissibility of manipulation. It is enough to hint to the manipulator that he has been exposed.
4. Counter ploy. The last option is active resistance, which represents a clear confrontation and competition in the skill of manipulation. But the winner is usually the one who was able to retreat in time.

Subconscious defenses

Each person who suspects manipulation in his address usually turns on subconscious basic defenses:

• care,
• exile,
• blocking,
• control,
• fading,
• ignoring.

Sometimes there is a complex reaction of several basic ones. But usually this is not the best outcome for resolving a manipulation situation, that is, the option of “walking away and slamming the door” does not relieve a person from the position of a victim. That is why specific methods of resistance, conscious and controlled, specially learned and practiced, are more effective.

Women's techniques

Women manipulators are often feminists, wives, girls. It is not difficult for them to learn to manipulate if it is necessary to achieve personal goals.

A favorite technique is seduction, which gradually turns into a simulation of confusion. Business women can use deception through silence and false guilt.

Wives use the victim role technique. They cover up their shortcomings with fatigue after work or sitting with a child. They like to put pressure on their husband, criticizing his salary or his performance of housework. They constantly complain and whine. They are usually pessimistic, which has a bad effect on family life and relationships between partners.

Human manipulation by women has other characteristics.

1. They can push with their intellect and use terms, phraseological units, and words that are incomprehensible to their partner. They feel proud from such a victory.
2. When a man makes a mistake, people begin to compare him with his ex-partner. This is how they try to create a feeling of resentment.
3. Cancel. The girl suddenly and without warning disappears from the guy’s life. Ignores his calls and messages. Capable of treason. Returns due to feelings of boredom or pity. This technique is used by abusive girls.

Girls use tears, simulation of helplessness, and stupidity as manipulation. They may resort to withdrawal if they urgently need to achieve some goal. They demonstrate complete indifference to the person.

Some manipulate intimacy, that is, they separate a man from sex in order to obtain personal benefits. Instincts are specifically motivated, but in order to satisfy them, he must do certain actions.

Women believe that the way to properly manage a partner is through praise. His self-esteem increases, pride and the desire to do everything for the sake of his beloved appear. And the more often compliments are voiced, the more significant actions a man will take.

Does the manipulator give himself away?

Manipulation is closely related to lying (withholding information or presenting incorrect facts). Therefore, we can safely say that a nonverbal manipulator, like a liar, can give himself away. This means that you can suspect manipulation if you are careful.

• Common to all people are increased breathing or blinking when lying, a feeling of a lump in the throat, tension in the facial muscles, reddening of the cheeks, and changes in the pupils.
• Another indicator is a change in voice (timbre and tempo, intonation).
• Of course, there are more individual indicators that can only be recorded from a person you know well. Read more about this in the article “How to find out that a person is lying - advice from a psychologist.”
• At the same time, you can manipulate using well-known gestures, for example, open palms - a sign of honesty and openness.
• But on the other hand, it also works in the opposite direction. The more a person repeats this gesture, the less he lies and the less people lie to him. This is how our subconscious works.
• Another gesture characteristic of manipulators is putting your right leg forward when greeting and trying to place your palm on top. By detecting this gesture and turning the manipulator's hand over, you can accidentally hint at your strength and thus take a dominant position. But the ideal is to achieve equal status (respect for oneself and others).

Nonverbal signs should be taken into account at the second stage of the manipulation detection algorithm. And after that, depending on personal abilities, you can resort to passive or active forms of resistance.

Men's techniques

Manipulative men do not respect women. The attitude towards them is violent. It manifests itself in avid bachelors and misogynists.

The simplest manipulation of people is carried out by the discrepancy between actions and previously spoken words. Manipulators say what they want to hear, but act differently. Their support is questionable and more often causes depression and stress than a feeling of relief.

The favorite technique of male manipulators is the role of the victim. Never guilty of anything, the cause of all their troubles is other people.

When they help others, they expect the same in return. If they don’t get what they want, they create a scandal or hold a grudge for a long time, without explaining the reasons for its occurrence.

An abusive man can manipulate people with his status or position in society. He claims that without him they will be nothing and will achieve nothing in life. His goal is to gain recognition of his greatness before others.

They love to create an emotional hole. If they are not in the mood, then everyone around them should not be in the mood. Provokes a feeling of responsibility for your mood in your companion.

The main tool for manipulating women is compliments. And it’s better if they are voiced often and in large quantities. Naive girls do not immediately understand that this is how they are provoked into submission. Often such compliments are hypocritical.

Confidential behavior

Many manipulation techniques are designed to gain a person's trust so that they can be easily influenced. Trust can be achieved in several ways:

1. To become “one of our own” for the object, to prove its similarity with the subject. This can be achieved by “mirroring” the opponent’s behavior.
2. Use a compliment, flatter, show sympathy and support. To show sympathy, you can touch your arm or shoulder.
3. Perform a small favor or offer assistance. Society has adopted the principle of “quid pro quo”: the person who helped the subject feels a desire to repay good for good.
4. Take the target's side if he is criticized.
5. Apply natural data. Seduction is one of the most ancient methods of manipulation. Women become more susceptible to other people's influence if it comes from a handsome man, and the stronger sex easily succumbs to the charm of attractive girls.

Techniques that stimulate communication and establish trusting relationships can be used in different areas of life: both in the work team and in the family.