Fear of serious relationships in men and women: why, how to overcome a phobia

Heterophobia is an anxiety-phobic disorder represented by several types of fears. These fears differ slightly in origin, but at their core is the fear of someone opposite, different, different. In 1987, heterophobia was defined as “fear of difference.” In sociology, the term “heterophobia” is the opposite of tolerance.

One of the most common definitions of heterophobia is a pathological fear of the opposite sex. It is believed that this type of phobia affects representatives of sexual minorities who panicky avoid traditional sexual relationships.

People of heterosexual orientation can also experience a similar fear. It is expressed in an obsessive fear of courtship and sexual contact. It is possible that a person suffering from heterophobia is afraid of people of the opposite sex, relationship partners. Both men and women suffer from this phobia. It prevents the formation of sexual relationships with a partner of the opposite sex.

Definition and types of androphobia

Androphobia is an internal state that creates obstacles for an individual on the path to achievement in any area of life, which negatively affects self-development and the implementation of personal and career projects. Difficulty in communicating with others at work, on the street, in public places contradicts the very concept of success.

Honed communication skills help to improve relationships in the family, get a prestigious position, manage staff, earn more, attracting and instilling trust in new clients. Fear of men is a deterrent that prevents us from moving forward towards achieving our goals.

American psychologists M. Kinder and K. Cowan were the first to use the term and describe a psychological disorder. Thanks to their research and scientific work, androphobia is included in the international list of diseases of the ICD-10 (subsection F40.1), which confirms the seriousness of the problem from the point of view of psychiatric disciplines. Unlike women's fears, men's phobias usually appear due to excessive infatuation with a woman.

Representatives of the stronger sex tend to experience mental turmoil and confusion if they are deeply in love. When a person is afraid of girls, he exhibits symptoms such as physical and emotional stiffness, nervous tension, and often mild aggression.

As a rule, such behavioral deviations are temporary, do not require treatment, and go away on their own after the lover’s ardor cools down, interest in the object of love decreases, or physical intimacy occurs.

Fight for the right to be yourself

Usually, with age, a person loses the acuteness of experiencing his youthful complexes. This trend may also affect heterophobic fears. But the sooner we realize our significance and uniqueness, the easier it is to fight this phenomenon. That is, you need not to postpone your self-affirmation in natural existence.

There are a lot of ways to do this. This is an active lifestyle, music, finding hobbies of interest. Are there many moments in life that captivate you and force you to just be yourself?

The eternal healer that overcomes many adversities and vices is the feeling of love. If a person is in the midst of sincere attention from another, then there is no need to talk about fear. Even if there is a persistent hostility towards the opposite sex, trusting and caring relationships will make heterophobia irrelevant.

If we talk about “technical” ways to combat such fears, then it’s worth trying to act in defiance. That is, try to look for ways to communicate with people of the opposite sex. You should not avoid the objects of your fear, but experiment with the range of your courage. Surely in your social circle there will be someone who is the most interesting and with whom it is not so scary.

It happens that the origins of a phobia are very deep and the algorithms for psychological self-rehabilitation are overwhelming. Then the best thing to do would be to seek professional help. Psychologists have their own methods for step-by-step, associative work in difficult cases.

Psychological assistance for heterophobia is a responsible and time-consuming undertaking. Sometimes people who need it cannot overcome the barrier of recognizing an insidious scourge in themselves. They do not want to consider their problems seriously, although in life they behave like pronounced heterophobes. Thus, fears take root even deeper in the mind.

Therefore, effective healing occurs when a person can be brought to openness regarding his feelings. The methods are based on heterophobes sharing similar problems in group sessions. This unites people in the face of one common misfortune. People simply stop feeling lonely. On the contrary, a desire arises in them to constructively help others through the experience of their own experiences.

Sometimes the hypnotic influence of a specialist and even a course of using psychotropic drugs can be useful.

The influence of phobia on the body and life

There are a wide range of social situations that can trigger a panic attack. With a long course of the pathology, comorbid conditions develop, such as depression, psycho-emotional disorders and disruptions in the functioning of the autonomic nervous system, which are manifested by increased sweating, tremors of the extremities, hyperemia of the skin, tachycardia and other heart rhythm disturbances, nausea. Other consequences:

Inability to create a full-fledged couple or family. Fear of relationships prevents you from achieving happiness and harmony in your personal life.
Restrictions in intimate life. If the disorder is accompanied by a fear of touch, a woman may completely refuse intimacy with men or view sex as a duty, a duty with the ensuing consequences - a lack of moral and physical satisfaction.
Lack of career growth. Job responsibilities almost always require contact with other people - employees, colleagues, clients, boss. If it is impossible to find a common language with others, obstacles and difficulties in work arise at every step.
Narrowing the circle of personal interests. Experiencing an insurmountable and strong fear of men, a woman intuitively avoids public places where she might meet them. As a result, she deprives herself of the opportunity to visit cultural, entertainment and sports institutions or significantly reduces the frequency and duration of her stay there.

A phobia, which is characterized by a fear of guys, forces a girl to regularly be in a stressful state, which negatively affects her overall well-being and health. When the situation worsens, there is a high probability of developing complications in the form of new fears and disorders. Over time, layering on each other, they turn a once cheerful individual into a closed, gloomy loner, whose life is practically devoid of joys and pleasant moments.

Fear of women, girls - gynecophobia (gynephobia, feminophobia, gynophobia): symptoms, causes

Causes:

A cruel, domineering, or hot-tempered mother. Or she changed her mood quickly.
The father is weak and weak-willed.
Unpleasant personal experience. A personal unsuccessful relationship or simply an unpleasant situation involving a woman. Sometimes ladies act tense and aggressive with men because of past disappointments or bad stereotypes. Therefore, a man immediately faces the unpleasant side of girls.

Gynephobia
How it is expressed:

Unpleasant sensations when trying to start a conversation with a girl. This could be anxiety or a strong feeling of fear.
Fear of being the first to start dating, even if the girl is pretty.
A gynecophobe tries to communicate with women as little as possible. Next to them he feels weak and unprotected.
When communicating with women, feminophobes can be rude and arrogant. They try to emphasize their superiority.
Gynecophobes are afraid to enter into intimate contact.

Feminophobia
Ways to solve the problem:

You can consult a psychologist. But only if your phobia does not respond to your own treatment.
Try to get to know the girls better. The unknown is scary. And if there is no uncertainty, starting communication will be easier each time.
Understand that girls are people just like you. They have their own complexes and fears.
Practice communicating with girls more often.

Understand that girls are people just like you.

Don't be afraid of rejection. Someone's “no” is not at all a confirmation of your unattractiveness. This is just a sign that somewhere there is an even more interesting and beautiful girl who will say “yes” to you.
Try to get rid of negative experiences from the past associated with girls. Imagine that a girl who once offended you tells you her story. Remember, any aggression is evidence of a person’s complexes and fears. Mentally see how the girl says that she is sorry, that she herself felt bad, that’s why she did what she did.

Get rid of negative experiences from the past

Signs of the disorder

The degree of manifestations depends on the severity of the disorder. An irrational, illogical fear of men is called androphobia and often manifests itself as a woman’s reluctance to maintain a long-term relationship with a partner. She prefers superficial communication without deep emotional attachment and discussion of a joint future.

Typically, such principles of relationships with a partner presuppose a lack of prospects for development and living together, rare meetings devoid of bright, expressive details, expressive emotional coloring. This type of relationship indicates a mild degree of fear of men, which has not yet turned into a real phobia.

It is worth considering if, when the stronger sex approaches, severe neurotic anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms arise. A strong belief that a man poses a threat to life is a reason to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Fear of beautiful women

Causes:

Lack of self-confidence, inferiority complex
The stereotype that beautiful women will always try to take over a man
Fear of Rejection
The stereotype that beautiful women are stupid and selfish

How to express it:

At the sight of a beautiful girl, a person experiences shortness of breath, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat.

The cause of fear is lack of self-confidence

A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl.
A man communicates well with girls of ordinary appearance, but panics when communicating with beauties.
In cases of severe phobia, a man may run away from the place where a beautiful woman is.

A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl.
Ways to solve the problem:

If the guy is still a teenager, then this phobia will most likely go away with time.
Contact a psychologist. Find out what event from the past caused this phobia.
Take a self-esteem course.
Learn affirmations about self-love and repeat them to yourself during phobia attacks.

Find out what event from the past caused this phobia

Causes of fear

Often the cause of the development of a phobia is negative past experiences with men. If the relationship was accompanied by moral and physical suffering, they leave an imprint on the woman’s mental state throughout the rest of her life.

Representatives of the fairer sex, who have had to deal with cruel treatment, lies, and treachery of their chosen one, see in every new acquaintance a potential threat and danger. They believe that behind a pleasant appearance and courteous manners lies the true face of a man who is just waiting for an opportunity to prove the insincerity of his intentions.

Often, fear begins in early childhood, when a child becomes a victim of assault from his father or older brothers. The development of an unhealthy mental state can be influenced by parental relationships built on aggression and violence if family quarrels occur in front of the child. Other causes of phobia:

Negative sexual experience - rape, cruelty and rudeness of a partner.
Growing up, the formation of personality in a female environment, when a negative attitude towards the stronger sex is a fundamental concept of thinking and behavior.
Cheating husband, unsuccessful marriage.
Beating by a partner, husband.

In any case, there must be an object or situation in the past that caused deep feelings. Associations with the tragedy experienced cause fear of men and accompanying symptoms - panic, intermittent, rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, increased sweating, redness of the facial skin and other signs associated with the body's reaction to the release of adrenaline.

A woman may experience conflicting feelings, intuitively wanting to get closer to a new male acquaintance and experiencing panicky fear of such prospects. Provoking factors contributing to the development of psychological disorders are social phobia and increased anxiety.

Tip 2: Shine Light

If you want to know how to stop being shy with guys, then this advice is for you. Smile more often, wear brighter and richer colors. No, we are not talking about acid T-shirts and luminescent jackets.

You might be surprised, but your choice of clothing can make you feel confident. Of course, if you don't like purple, then don't wear it. But beyond the brown-gray-black palette, there should be a color that you like. Wear something bright and feel different. But remember that at first many glances will be directed at you, especially from “gray” and “dull” people. The main thing is to ignore them and move on with your head held high.

What is philophobia

Philophobia - what is it? Philophobia is the fear of love, the fear of losing a loved one, the fear of falling in love. The patient is haunted by an irrational fear of falling in love, a fear of becoming a hostage to a relationship, of being at the mercy of another person, of losing oneself and the ability to think rationally. The philophobe is not ready for a long-term relationship; he is afraid of ending up in psychological, material, and moral dependence on another person.

A person who is afraid of falling in love can enter into a relationship, but if the partner wants to talk seriously, then the patient will break off this relationship with a scandal, betrayal, hysteria, and a dissatisfied cry of “don’t drink me.” Sometimes such relationships can last a long time, but such a union cannot be called healthy and happy. Philophobes may even have children, but the patient will always be cold towards them and their partner.

It is important! Philophobe perceives relationships as a source of negativity, boredom, problems, and disappointments.

Tip 7. Don't compromise with yourself

The following advice is on how to stop being shy in front of a guy in order to avoid compromising with yourself. Sacrificing your own style for the sake of conformity is the path of least resistance. This is also the path of least results when you try to overcome your shyness with men.

If you don't play sports, don't pretend to be an Olympic champion. It’s much easier to tell the truth and then “get to know” physical activity with your new friend. Good men who are worthy of your attention do not like women who always say “YES!” for all offers. They like those who have their own opinions, whom guys could respect.

Desire to change

No one can make you confident if you don't want it yourself. You must clearly follow the intended goal, overcoming any difficulties.

Yes, at first it will be difficult to overcome your fears and start at least looking guys in the eyes. But it will become much easier. You will understand that every guy is also a person who has his own ideas, hobbies, problems, emotions and even phobias.

Motivate yourself regularly. Surround yourself with confident and strong people, but never let pity consume you. You must fight such vices as apathy, laziness and self-flagellation. Play sports, change your hair color, buy new clothes that will shine against your gray suits. All this will help make you a confident person who has overcome shyness and fears.

To stop being shy about guys, you first need to stop being afraid of everything around you. For example, start speaking in public and get rid of stage fright, take a fencing course or take a yoga class. Forget everything you were told before, even if your parents or friends wanted to warn you. Guys don't bite, and there are an incredible number of charming, attractive and attentive young people in the world who can become your support, support and protection.

Tip 10. Keep persevering

Eliminating shyness is a long and difficult process. You cannot change from a small mouse to a big and strong lion in a short period. But don't ever give up, because a whole new world is waiting for you when you can finally come out of your shell.

Yes, there will be the occasional trip and someone might hurt you, but even the most confident girls get hurt sometimes. Pain is a part of life, but a very tiny one. If you are not afraid to take advantage of the opportunities that are available, then rather start a conversation with that guy you have been eyeing for several months.

Recommendations

Communicate on the Internet, and over time, when you realize that you are ready, meet in real life. The main thing is, do not forget about your own boundaries, do not allow them to be violated. And choose partners who will be safe for you, so as not to scare you away in your intention to overcome your fears.
If you are haunted by uncertainty and prevent you from taking the first step to get acquainted, work on your self-esteem.
Take paints, pencils, a large sheet of paper and draw your fear of a serious relationship. Don't overthink what you want to portray. Let your hand move, release control and express your emotions. When you finish, reflect on what happened. This action will help you free yourself from internal worries and relieve tension.

Why do you need to get rid of shyness?

Many people associate shyness with politeness and reserve. Such thoughts are often instilled by parents, urging their daughters to avoid careless boys who could offend or harm them.

But shyness has a number of negative features. A timid person avoids situations in which a “normal” person would act. Accordingly, a shy girl always misses opportunities that are available to others. In the end, she will sit near the window and regret that the guy she liked so much started dating a more confident classmate.

Shyness and embarrassment deprive you of some things: happy acquaintances, prospects, opportunities to achieve your goals and desires. Now you know how not to be shy with guys.

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna

Hello Anna! This problem is very common, but it is important to understand what is behind it and, based on this, to solve the problem: this can also arise as a result of family upbringing, or negative experience, or lack of experience in relationships with young people, self-doubt, low self-esteem. That is, based on the reasons, you need to choose work techniques: if it is self-doubt, lack of experience, then you can use techniques aimed at gaining confidence, which are fixed at the behavioral level, so that in a dating situation you are both confident and congruent (i.e. e. harmonious both internally and externally); if this is a negative experience and parenting style, then it needs to be worked through, emotions and feelings must be released! In any case, you can work successfully with this - you can contact me - write or call - I will be glad to see you and help you!

Chebotnikova Victoria Vladimirovna

I suggest you reconsider your attitude towards yourself; what you describe to me looks more like shyness. And it’s so cute, to worry, to worry, I have an image in my head of you - a young, well-mannered girl, whose heart beats faster at the sight of a man and she cannot allow her gaze to linger on him. I see this state of affairs as more of your peculiarity than a problem. You are who you are and in this you are amazing and unique.

I sincerely wish to preserve your trepidation and purity of thoughts.