When was the last time you thought about what values are important to you?
If all people relied not on beliefs, but on values, there would be no wars in the world, perhaps there would be no diseases, divorces, or conflicts between children and parents. Values unite people; they give us energy for life. But how can you determine what is valuable to you?!
Actually, it's not difficult. You need a little time, a little patience and a great desire to achieve results. And with the help of the proposed practices, you will definitely get results.
The importance of personal values
Values are what people value, what they extol above all else. These are phenomena, ideals or objects from different areas of life that are significant for each of us.
Values highlight what we stand for. It is a part of us, our unique, individual essence. Life priorities reflect our behavior ; they provide each of us with a code of conduct. And we get satisfaction if we follow and honor personal values.
Otherwise, bad habits begin to prevail, the person degrades or returns to childhood to raise self-esteem.
Identifying the main directions in life
Identifying your values allows you to wisely use life's most depleted resource—time. For example, you have a dream to build a brilliant career. But it may remain in your head because in reality you are not doing anything, even for a small promotion. Instead of living a healthy lifestyle, you strive to spend a free minute with friends over a glass of wine (after all, you are tired of such a life and just want to relax), instead of improving your work skills, by all means refuse to do overtime or difficult work (because workaholism is bad), instead of concentration on important issues, you become immersed in everyday problems (because you inevitably transfer problems from one area of life to another).
In other words, you are wasting your time, which could be used for something important. But you don't know that this is important. So, life passes, many of your comrades have achieved success, colleagues have long been promoted, but you have no significant changes - the dream of a career remains a dream. It is worth identifying and understanding the values in your life, if only in order to save the period of life given to you for important things that bring benefit and joy, so as not to regret the years that fly by aimlessly. A clearly visible personal value system will allow you to give up unnecessary actions - bad habits, weaknesses, vanity, boredom.
Most often, a person cannot achieve what he wants only because he independently distances himself from the main goal in life.
Identifying values makes life orderly, devoid of many little things that can be easily abandoned. Such trivial matters include communicating with like-minded or quarrelsome people, sitting for hours watching TV, and doing unnecessary work.
Often, an incorrectly formed personal value system forces us to take on many things at the same time. This leads to a burnout of interest in the very construction of the pyramid of values and improper waste of energy.
For example, you have two main goals - career and family. Naturally, achieving success in the workplace and having a bunch of kids will not happen at the same time. That is why one’s own system of values must contain a certain sequential list, bringing something to the fore, but relegating others in importance. By deciding what is more important at the moment - family or career, you are more likely to achieve personal success. And it is not at all necessary to categorically refuse family for the sake of a good position. You just have to correctly distribute your time and your actions, direct them in the right direction. It is quite possible to be a happy family man and a good worker if you set your priorities correctly in a timely manner.
Behavior changes if you know personal values
In Stephen Covey's self-development book The 7 Habits, the main points are the discovery of personal values. The author formulated the principles that underlie the solution of various problems for people, and built them into a consistent system.
On almost every person's list, the most important things will be health, vitality and energy. Each of us can, at a young age, create a strong foundation of well-being and physical health for later years.
When you understand the essence of this value, be sure to clarify your main priorities. This will affect what you eat and drink. You will consume different habits, explore them, experiment with them.
If you value and strengthen the health that is given to you by nature, you will not have to constantly control your impulsive actions. When you know that these products are harmful to you or the activity leads to a worsening of the condition, then you do not want it.
Make it a rule to evaluate your condition every time you eat different foods. What do you feel, what sensations? What drains your energy and affects your sleep? Take note of such moments. Create for yourself a lifestyle that maintains your health, energy, and creates your mood.
Many of us like to live comfortably and value comfort. There is a trap here: when we value comfort more than growth, we put in minimal effort to grow further. When we overcome resistance to growth, it should not cause discomfort.
What happens when we value comfort more than our health? We develop bad eating habits when we eat what we think is best for us, rather than healthy and healthy. When we eat to feel good, we eat problems and troubles. And this is fundamentally wrong, it undermines our health.
Lannister and Darth Vader
Let's follow the development and transformation of the values of Jaime Lannister and Darth Vader. Why was one of them able to become better, while the other, on the contrary, went over to the dark side?
At the origins of values formation
First, let's look into the childhood of our heroes. Jaime was born the heir to the noble and wealthy Lannister family, guardians of the West. His father recognized the power and influence of the family as the most important thing in life. “The honor of the family will live for centuries,” he said and did everything to achieve this. Following his values, the father instilled in his eldest son from childhood: “You are a Lannister,” investing great importance in these words.
The boy grew up swimming in luxury, and always got everything he wanted, since those around him were ready to fulfill his every whim. An excellent swordsman, a knight of the king, Jaime is used to winning and being the best in everything, because, as his father always said, he is a Lannister. Jaime believed that he could do whatever he wanted without caring about other people. So, he easily threw the little boy out of the window in order to keep the secret of his relationship with his sister. “What you won’t do for love,” was all Jaime said. And he really was ready for anything, since at that time the most important thing in his life was the woman he loved.
Unlike Jaime, little Anakin (the future Darth Vader) was born under completely different conditions. He was a slave and lived with his mother on the outskirts of the Galaxy. The boy’s values were formed largely under the influence of his mother, since she was the only person closest to him. Annie learned well his mother’s main lesson: “All the problems in the Universe are because no one helps anyone.” Therefore, the boy was always responsive to the difficulties of others and tried to help, without counting on any reward.
But he, like Jaime, was no stranger to ambition. Anakin realized that he was talented and capable of doing things that others could not do, for example, create the robot C-3PO or build a racing car. Unique abilities served as the basis for the development of another important value of the boy - the desire to be the best. Even then, Anakin believed that he deserved more, and over time this feeling only grew stronger.
So, we have seen how different conditions, and most importantly, different values of people who surround a child in childhood, contribute to the formation of different characters. Although it was important for both Jaime and Anaken to be the best in everything, for one this value was formed through the influence of family and father, and for the other - due to natural talent. At the same time, looking at his father, Jaime believed that he had the right to do whatever he wanted to achieve his goals, and Anakin always tried to help other people, as his mother taught him.
Let's imagine that the boys were swapped in their infancy: Jaime was sent to the outskirts of the Galaxy, and Anakin was given to be raised by a noble family. How would our heroes grow up then? Anakin would most likely become a real egoist under the influence of natural talents and the helpfulness of others. And vice versa, Jaime, raised by the mother of the future lord of darkness, could grow up to be a quiet and humble boy who does not have enough stars in the sky, but is always ready to help others.
In real life, a person’s values are also largely determined by the conditions in which he was born and the people who surrounded him in childhood. However, one should not blame parents and evil fate for all troubles. As we will see later, values are not something immutable; they are regularly transformed under the influence of circumstances, and most importantly, our actions and choices that we make every day. This means that at any moment we can change our lives.
Challenges drive change
So, our heroes have become adults. One served in the king's guard, the other fought the Sith and helped maintain peace in the Galaxy. Life went on as usual until the heroes faced trials that made them completely different people. Let's start with Jaime. During the War of Kings, Lannister was captured and spent about a year in a cage. To get a chance to return to his beloved, Jaime brutally dealt with another captive, his distant relative. With this act, Lannister showed that he would still stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
However, the time for change was already approaching. Change began with loss. Jaime's hand was cut off, the loss of which he barely survived. His world was destroyed, since the right hand for a swordsman means even more than for an ordinary person. In addition, the “golden boy” is not used to enduring hardships. As the girl knight who accompanied him said: “You have only slightly tasted real life, where the most important things are taken away from people.” Only after losing his arm did Lannister finally realize that, despite all his titles, he was vulnerable and could also become a victim of injustice and cruel treatment, which means it is advisable not to treat others as you do not want to be treated. Justice and honor come first in the hierarchy of values of a knight.
This is clearly visible in the episode when Lannister saved his brother from prison, believing in his innocence, although he knew that the woman he loved, who had always been the most important thing in his life, dreamed of seeing Tyrion on the gallows.
Now let's try to figure out why Anakin turned into Darth Vader. It all started with prophetic dreams. One day, Skywalker saw in a dream his mother calling for help. He went to the planet where he spent his childhood to find her, but arrived too late. Mom died in his arms. Heartbroken, he was angry with himself for not coming sooner and found the easiest way to deal with his emotions. The young Jedi took his anger out on his mother's kidnappers, killing them all, including women and children. The first act that is hardly worthy of a true Jedi. Then Anakin, of course, was very worried about what he had done. But the doors were open to values alien to the young Jedi. Having given in to anger once, Skywalker was much easier to follow his emotions in the future. From that moment the hero's tossing began.
The second turning point in the life of the young Jedi was another dream. Now death during childbirth threatened Anakin's beloved wife. Fear for the family completely took over the future father. He longed for only one thing - to save his wife, and for this he was ready to do anything. Succumbing to fear, Anakin saved the main villain from the Jedi Master. As a result, the latter was killed, and Anakin made the final choice. He crossed over to the side of darkness with both feet, and then slammed the door behind him, killing, on the orders of the future Emperor, not only many Jedi, but also little innocent students.
Anakin got lost in his doubts and fears and as a result chose the wrong path, becoming a dark lord. Giving in to his emotions, Skywalker did not notice how the value of “family well-being,” for which he took the path of darkness, was quietly supplanted by the thirst for power. “I will bring peace to my empire, we can rule the Galaxy together, everything will be as we want,” Anakin said to his beloved wife after all these events and was even ready to kill her when she refused to share his ideas.
We, too, often succumb to the influence of emotions and commit actions that we later regret. And let us not turn into real villains. But the more often we make choices under the influence of fear or hatred, the more we are sucked into the swamp into which we once accidentally put our foot and from which we really want to get out.
As for Lannister, he managed to draw the right conclusions from everything that happened to him. And the reason here is not only the injury received. An important role in transforming the knight’s values was played by his companion, who was assigned to guard him.
Influence of people around
If the loss of a hand became the impetus for change, then communication with the girl knight formed fertile ground for this process. Jaime saw that Brienne strictly followed the tenets of honor, and involuntarily began to respect her. He understood: for Brienne, honor is primarily her actions, and not the opinions of others. Even though everyone considered her involved in the death of King Renly, she knew that she was not guilty, and proudly continued to bear the title of knight.
Jaime himself, until this moment, rarely remembered honor, although previously this value was very important to him. Lannister came to terms with the role of "a man without honor" that society imposed on him after the murder of King Aegon. Remember, we discussed this principle in the first part of the article. Jaime saved the people from a crazy monarch who dreamed of burning the city. However, in doing so he violated his oath and earned only universal condemnation. Over time, he decided that there was no point in acting justly if those around you continued to stubbornly call you a “regicide” and look at you with contempt.
However, looking at Brienne, Jaime realized that the nickname "kingslayer" could not deprive him of honor if he maintained it in his actions. So the value, vegetating somewhere in the margins, again became the focus for the knight without an arm and served as the reason for many of his future actions.
Now back to Skywalker. There was also a person next to Anakin who, at the right moment, contributed to a change in his values. True, with a minus sign. Chancellor Palpatine (he is the real leader of the Sith and the future Emperor of the Galaxy) took care of the boy from the moment he appeared among the Jedi and became an important person in his life. The young Jedi listened to his patron, who, meanwhile, gently fanned the flames of emotions such as anger and hatred, and used the pride of the talented but inexperienced young man for his own purposes. Unlike Brienne, who helped Lannister take the right path, Palpatine, on the contrary, pushed Anakin to the side of darkness. Having learned that Skywalker was worried about his wife, the future Emperor promised that Anakin could save her if he learned the dark side of the force. In addition, the young man will have the opportunity to develop his abilities. “You always wanted to be something more,” the chancellor promised, playing on the strings of the young man’s pride.
In addition, at this time Anakin became disillusioned with the Jedi Order, who, in his opinion, did not always act fairly (another important value of the hero), and the teacher was not around, so the influence of the chancellor grew significantly.
However, the future Darth Vader did not give up immediately. Realizing that the Chancellor was the head of the Sith, Anakin told the Jedi about his secret patron, following the value of "justice". And perhaps the turning point would not have happened at all if the Jedi had not tried to kill the Chancellor instead of arresting him. Anakin could not allow this, since it contradicted his two main values at that time: a) this was his last link to saving Padme and b) this, again, was unfair. He knocked the sword out of the Jedi Master's hands and thereby helped Palpatine kill him.
Having analyzed the fates of two movie characters, we were convinced that the environment has a strong influence on our values and actions. This is especially noticeable in teenagers. “He’s a good boy, he just got involved with bad company,” people often say about some boy. However, even as we grow up, we follow the example of those around us. These people either stimulate us to move forward, or feed our not the best qualities, for example, idleness and laziness. Therefore, choose your friends and acquaintances very carefully so that one day you don’t end up somewhere you don’t want to be.
Only our choice determines our life
So, Jaime got better over time, and Anakin fell into darkness. In many ways, the changes in the lives of the heroes were caused by tragic circumstances and the people who were close to them at the time of trial. However, the decisive role was still played by the choice that the heroes made and their actions that they performed every day. They were able to change their lives at any moment, which is what Darth Vader did. At the end of his life, he turned back into Anakin when he realized that his son was about to die. His father saved Lucas from the Emperor and died not a Sith, but a Jedi.
This outcome shows that there are no irreversible actions: as long as a person lives and thinks, he can always change his values, and therefore his life. Although, the more time passes, the more difficult it is to do this.
Of course, in life everything is not as simple as in the movies. There are rarely clear villains or positive characters in it. However, the examples discussed, due to some exaggeration, help to better understand that it is important for a person to learn to determine his values. In times when we, like young Skywalker, are overwhelmed by the currents of feelings and doubts, previously defined values can be the rock that will help us stay on our chosen path and not allow the rolling waves to carry us into a future where we will be unhappy.
If Anakin had determined in advance that his main value was family, he would have been able to understand in time that his actions would alienate the woman he loved and would not contribute in any way to preserving this value. And Jaime would have found peace of mind much earlier if he had determined in time that honor was valuable to him and that it did not depend on the opinions of others.
Are you living your chosen personal values?
When you have 5 to 10 core values left, see how you live them. How well do you live each of the values. Rate each on a scale from 1 to 10. Where 10 is the optimal rating.
Determine your level of satisfaction with each priority. You can write it down in a notepad or PDF document. Write the date at the top of the column. Do this assessment once a month or quarter. This way you can evaluate your progress.
For example, you scored 7 points for one of the values. What changes need to be made, what needs to happen in order to respect this value more?
This is where self-coaching invites you to come into play:
- Define your goals.
- Create a plan.
- Update it.
- Check with top priorities.
- Assess the difference in your level of life satisfaction.
Practice "Comparison"
Take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the seven values that first came to your mind. It may become more difficult at the third point, but you can’t stop. If it doesn’t work out at all, sit comfortably, relax, breathe, meditate, look out the window - get distracted and return to the list again.
Have you written seven points? Now it's time to compare them. Compare the first with the second - next to the one you like better, put a tick. It is important at this time to rely not on the mind, but on your feelings. Try to feel the internal reaction to each point: cold, warm, breathing harder or easier... So compare all points sequentially: the first - with the second, with the third, with the fourth, with the fifth..., the second - with the third, with the fourth, with the fifth... After After comparing all the items and checking all the boxes, see which item has the most of them. This will be the greatest value in your life, the one you most often rely on.
This is a simple but very powerful way because when you focus on values, they start working. Everything that “turns you on” is your energy potential, because values are like the sun, which charges you with new energy. Value is a tool that helps you understand everything.
If after completing the practice you feel unsure that you have determined your own values, and not those imposed by society, parents, or the environment, extend the practice for a longer period. Every other day, write a list of 20 values and compare them. Gradually you will find exactly those that will resonate within you and you will understand that they are yours.
How to apply the created priorities?
When you know your core personal values and their priorities, it helps when solving difficult problems.
Evaluate your values. Imagine that after a certain time a decision was made.
For example, a family will change your life or a new business will change it. Step into the future picture as much as you can. Relive this picture in your mind and let it live there.
After a month, evaluate your personal values, while keeping the picture alive in your mind. Are priority indicators not rising? Are there tensions with your core values? Continue this process constantly. This will bring a new level of insight into your decision-making process.
How to determine the main values of life
So, a clearly formed system of personal values will allow you to enjoy life and prevent life from reaching a dead end. Let's figure out how to develop this system. To do this you will have to be honest with yourself. There is no need to be embarrassed to admit that your values may be slightly different from others. Take a piece of paper and write down all the important areas in which you would like to achieve recognition. As a rule, the main values in a person’s life look something like this:
• Family; • Wealth; • Friendship; • Health; • Career; • Studies; • Love.
These are perhaps the most “popular” values of people, but you may also have some of your own interests and dreams: travel, sports, buying a home, for example. To prevent the list from looking too impressive, you can simplify and combine some items. For most people, the concepts of “love” and “family” are considered inseparable. And for some, wealth means a successful career. But this does not always happen: there are people looking for love, but rejecting a family union. There are also those who want to achieve heights in their careers not for the sake of money, but to realize their own importance or the respect of their colleagues.
Drawing up a ladder of values
After identifying the main goals, the most difficult step lies ahead - determining the role of values in a person’s life. To do this, you will have to think carefully about what is most important on the list. Without which your life will lose meaning. You can live without success at work, but without family you cannot. Or they are ready to sacrifice their studies for the sake of love. You will have to understand what is the main value in your life in order to put it at the highest level. And so on in descending order - according to the degree of importance for you. It is interesting that when the main values in a person’s life are identified and placed in their places, one can clearly see one’s main personality traits and qualities. For example, a careerist will never put travel at the forefront; rather, education and wealth will be at the top of his list.
What's the point of identifying values?
A system of personal values allows you to purposefully strive for success and achieve your desires. Thanks to it, you will be able to analyze and understand in which area you want to succeed. Over time, your scale of values may change. As well as your goals will change. Having achieved excellent results at work, you will be able to put your career aside for a while, looking for love, and then building a family. This will allow you to manage your own resources, and not waste them on “everything at once” or completely in emptiness. But the most important thing is that with the help of a value system you will understand where and on what you spent your precious time - usefully or in vain.
Justify
Now you can move on to the next step of identifying your values - to accurately determine your values, you must describe to yourself what you see in these photos that makes them valuable to you . This is what I see in the photo above, my example:
Legacy is what you leave behind
I can easily find confirmation of this value of mine in my behavior - I write articles and shoot videos that will live long after me. I love spending time with my daughter. I love sharing my knowledge with people.
Movement
Again we need to find confirmation in actions, because our values are not just what impresses us, they are what guide us to action . Analyzing my behavior in life, I understand that “I can’t help but train.” The longest I've lasted without training is 1 month.
Unbreakable Relationship
This photo shows my wife's brother. He lives in San Francisco. He and I understand each other perfectly and I see in this photo a relationship that is in harmony. Coffee emphasizes the importance of leisurely conversation based on understanding. The squirrel is just a hint of harmony for me.
Believing in your beliefs
In this photo I see the ocean, which is trying to distract attention from the red and blue flags. “Don’t forget who you are and who your community is, even when you live in such a beautiful place.” Evidence from my behavior in life? It’s not difficult for me to find many examples when I went against the situation in which I was, starting with the communist school where I studied, then at the institute, and even now there are plenty of examples. Believing in my beliefs is one of my values. This is very reasonable, what is the point of having beliefs if you have little faith in them? This belief ensures that all other beliefs work.
Values and beliefs are examples. Personal Beliefs
In psychology, beliefs are understood as a person’s system of views on the world and his place in it, on relationships with other people and attitude to business. Beliefs are formed throughout an individual's life under the influence of the social environment and personal experience.
The dominant role is played by the social factor; therefore, the foundations of beliefs are laid in our consciousness by society. The authority of the source and the faith factor are of great importance. Children trust their parents and teachers; they are authorities for them, and therefore have a decisive influence on the formation of their worldview. And adults believe in politicians (although they don’t always admit it), the media, authoritative friends and books. It is these sources that have the most noticeable influence on a person’s beliefs.
However, it is also impossible to call a person a passive object of social influence. He passes through himself and processes any information, correlates it with existing experience and significant values. Therefore, we can say that beliefs are a kind of fusion of the social and the individual.
Beliefs play an important role in a person's life. They largely determine his social position and personality orientation. Beliefs are also closely related to life goals and attitudes.
