How to cope with pain after breaking up with someone you love

Features of separation

Each person experiences separation differently, but for many the process is similar. It is possible to highlight the features of the emotional side of the process, knowing which will help alleviate suffering.

Boy

A young man, faced with love failure for the first time, experiences separation hard. Due to the traumatic shock of the experience, he goes through all stages of suffering in a particularly acute form. If the experience of first love is unsuccessful, it affects self-esteem and makes the guy withdrawn. Young men go through emotional pain in silence, trying not to show their true feelings, and because of this they suffer longer. Here's how to bounce back after a breakup:

• allow yourself to feel emotions and live them;
• talk with friends and loved ones;
• do not rush into new relationships;
• more often distract yourself from painful thoughts.

It’s easier to get through a difficult stage with the support of friends, so you shouldn’t close yourself off from the outside world. Heartfelt conversations, a positive attitude and new life goals are 3 components of a painless and quick recovery from failed love.

Young woman

Girls know how to cope with emotions after a breakup. Because they can express their pain without embarrassment, they are able to move through the suffering phase more quickly. But a breakup, especially one initiated by a guy, is a serious blow to self-esteem

To recover from it, it is important for a girl to believe in herself and her attractiveness again

Husband

Separating from his wife is no less a psychological trauma for an adult man than for a woman. But due to their characteristics, representatives of the stronger sex do not show the emotions that rage inside. The awareness of irrevocability, as well as the acceptance of new opportunities that this event opens up, will help ease the pain of parting. Even if the union was happy, this does not mean that nothing more enchanting will happen in the future.

To distance himself from pain and suffering, a man should direct his energy in a creative direction. If you have children together after your last marriage, then spending time with them will help dull the pain. Friends, colleagues and acquaintances are people who can help during difficult times.

Wife

Having dedicated her life to her husband, and then faced with separation, a woman does not immediately accept reality. Denial of facts and attempts to change everything, to return a loved one - this is a normal phenomenon, one of the stages. It will not be possible to separate from your husband completely painlessly, so it is worth adopting techniques that will help at least reduce the intensity of suffering.

For a woman who has lost her relationship with her husband, the support of friends is important. This requires communication. After a divorce, you also need to find new goals and guidelines, reconsider your plans and development vectors, and this requires in-depth analysis

It is important to be able to maintain a balance between these two main areas, which will help you learn to live after a divorce without repeating the mistakes of the past

Lover

A special drama in a man’s life happens when his mistress leaves him or he himself leaves a relationship that is built on deception. The pain of separation is accompanied by feelings of guilt and difficulties associated with restoring harmony in the family. Understanding personal responsibility for your happiness and the well-being of loved ones will help you cope.

Mistress

Relationships in a love triangle are the most fragile. But still, a mistress who is not legally connected to a man also experiences the pain of a breakup. It’s a good idea to prepare yourself for the fact that the connection will end sooner or later, since going through a breakup with a married man is much more difficult. If the romance is over, then it’s time to reconsider your position in life and devote yourself to finding a long-term and healthy relationship that will bring true happiness without deception.

Realize that nothing in this world lasts forever, including mental pain

“This too shall pass” was the inscription on King Solomon’s ring. As the legend goes, he received the ring as a gift at a young age. The king had to go through many difficult moments and the inscription on the ring helped him realize that even the most difficult periods do not last forever. Life is very fluid, everything changes every second. The person who was yesterday is no longer the same as today. Neither joy nor sadness can last forever.

It is human nature to prolong his suffering by dwelling on the past, on memories, on his mental pain.

Try to remember other unpleasant moments from your life that no longer evoke any emotions in you, and previously you worried about them for a long time. Realize that at that moment it also seemed to you that the world had collapsed. But everything has passed and it no longer bothers you. The pain you are experiencing now will also pass in the same way. It will definitely pass.

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Learn to control your thoughts

Our brain is designed in such a way that it does not distinguish between reality and fantasy at all. He reacts to all the mental images that float in your mind as if everything is really happening. This is why thoughts and imaginary pictures can evoke very real feelings and emotions in us.

But the plus is that we are able to control the thought process. Accordingly, you need to try to keep only good memories and good thoughts in your head. And if negative thoughts arise, you should not focus on them.

Physical exercise and unusual activities, such as walking in an unfamiliar part of the city or cooking an unusual dish, also help to distract from painful memories and thoughts.

What you definitely shouldn't do

It is impossible to get over a breakup in one day, so you need to set yourself up for long-term work on recovery.

In addition to the rules and tips that will help relieve pain and get back to normal faster, it is important to know common mistakes that it is better not to make:

You shouldn’t rush into a new relationship in the hope that it will help you quickly forget your old love and ease the pain. In fact, such a move will only aggravate the suffering, and besides, psychological trauma will not allow you to build harmonious relationships until it is lived through. No need to ignore your emotions, suppress pain

It is important to allow yourself to experience these feelings, to get rid of guilt and self-condemnation. Suffering is part of the healing process. Dangerous mistake - alcohol treatment

Alcoholic drinks do not heal. They temporarily reduce the intensity of mental pain. The consequences of excessive consumption will only worsen an already problematic situation. Social isolation is also a wrong decision. You cannot isolate yourself and carry the burden of suffering alone. Communication will make it easier to get through the painful stage. You shouldn’t harbor vain hopes or scroll through all sorts of options for restoring relationships. Denying the irrevocability of the breakup prolongs the period of suffering and leads to even greater disappointment. You should not revel in suffering, blame yourself and condemn yourself for what happened. In any breakup, both are to blame, so you need to forgive yourself and your ex-partner, let go of the situation and move on. You should not cherish everything connected with your ex-partner. It is better to rid yourself of additional traumatic factors by freeing up space from joint photographs and other things that stir the memory. Getting over a breakup is easier for those who don’t have free time. You need to fill your schedule so tightly that there is not a single free minute for suffering.

Healing takes time, so don't expect it to go away quickly.

It is important not to despair, but to accept your bad experience, realizing its value, and move on with life. Parting is not the end of life, but only the beginning of a new stage, opportunities, acquaintances and personal happiness!

Breaking up a relationship feels like betrayal

To understand how to survive the pain of a breakup, you need to fully define your feelings. In such a situation, a person may think that he has been betrayed. Indeed, in some cases, betrayal may be to blame for separation.

Do not forget: if a loved one enters a new relationship after a breakup, this is not the cause of the separation, but a consequence. Sometimes, without noticing it, the person himself becomes the reason for the change in his partner’s behavior. However, the inability to admit one’s own mistakes serves as a reason for the alienation of a loved one. Betrayal in favor of another woman or another man is a consequence. Therefore, you should not blame strangers for everything, but you should honestly and carefully analyze the circumstances and understand why your partner decided to break off the relationship.

READ What to do if your girlfriend leaves you

How to survive the pain of breakup

It always becomes very painful when remembering a loved one. Try not to return to those memories when your loved one was nearby. The mind will constantly return you to the past; it is not ready to accept what happened. In such situations, your mind becomes a monster, tormenting you again and again, taking you back to the past, tormenting you with doubts, filling you with resentment, blinding you with anger. Therefore, in order not to provoke the mind, get rid of everything that reminds you of the person. Remove photos, delete his phone number, messages, hide his gifts away.

Time always heals, and after a few months you will look at things differently. Any souvenir can become a bright memory of pleasant moments that once happened. But it’s up to you to decide whether to get rid of everything forever or just put it in a distant drawer.

How to get rid of mental pain - advice from psychologists

This does not mean that all wounds resulting from a bad sexual experience will be immediately healed. God forgives, but some of the natural consequences of your sin may remain.

If a man drunkenly crashes into a telephone booth, crashes his car, and breaks his arm, he can turn to God with a prayer of repentance and receive forgiveness, but he will still have to go to the doctor and have his car repaired. Thus, repentance does not completely remove the scars of mistakes. What should we do with these scars?

The Bible teaches us to be honest in everything. If you have been sexually active in the past and are now planning to get married, you should be honest with your potential husband or wife. There should be no skeletons in the closet in married life.

What happened, happened, and nothing can be done about it! Your chosen one must know the whole truth about you, otherwise there is no point in starting a family with him. Reveal your cards. Accepting each other for who you really are is an essential condition of a marital relationship.

Additionally, before you can be accepted by a potential spouse, you must accept yourself and overcome your past. If, say, you feel an aversion to sex because of a bad experience, you shouldn’t hide it and act like nothing happened. To deal with heartache, acknowledge the problem and try to solve it.

You may need psychological help, which also includes spiritual healing. For a Christian, it all begins with a deep study of Scripture. Your attitude will change because the biblical view of intimate relationships between spouses is positive.

This is great, healthy sexual intimacy, plus it's God's design. Knowing the truth in this matter will free you from a negative attitude towards it. Thank God and ask Him to give you feelings that correspond to the truth.

You are not doomed to an unhappy marriage because of past mistakes. You will just have to go through some heartache and remove some stones from the path that would not have been there if you had followed God's perfect plan from the beginning. But don't be sad, because Jesus came to remove our weaknesses and help us reach our potential!

We have discussed with you the pillars on which marital unity is based. If sex is your only goal, then everything we talked about earlier will seem unimportant to you. If all you want out of marriage is good food and bills paid, find yourself a partner that suits you.

If you dream of harmony and unity in your married life, check whether you have a strong foundation for this. Do not marry until you have sufficiently strengthened the foundation to support the burden of a lifetime of commitment.

Recent studies show that 87% of single people who have never been married want to get married once and for life.” They witnessed their parents' divorce and do not want their experience to be repeated. The first step to a happy, long-lasting marriage is choosing the right spouse.

Develop yourself

If a person stops in his development, stops being interested in new things and learning something, he gradually degrades. Find yourself a new hobby, read good and wise books, sign up for some courses or trainings, improve your skills in the professional field. This will not only contribute to your development, but will also distract you from sadness and melancholy. Such activities will also increase your self-esteem, which will have a positive effect on your mood.

Whatever happens in your life, remember that everything depends on you. A person has enormous potential and is able to cope with difficult circumstances. If you can’t get out of a depressed state and mental pain on your own, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

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How to survive a breakup with a loved one: advice from a psychologist

Psychologist's advice for women

Stage 1. “Throw out” your emotions outward. No matter how strange it may be, it will be more beneficial to suffer at first. Take time off from work. You won’t be able to get caught up in your work – there’s a chance you’ll make a lot of mistakes. During this period, it is better to rest. It will be easier to survive the breakup after you are sad alone with yourself, take a walk alone in the park in the morning when there are not too many people, or cry and let your best friend listen to you. This process will allow you to “empty yourself” and create space for new feelings. Now the main thing is to feel the situation

But here it is important to set strict deadlines for “depression”, otherwise you can fall into the trap of negative emotions for a long time. Everything is good in moderation!

Stage 2

“Burn all your bridges.” Probably the hardest part. It’s not for nothing that our ancestors said, “Out of sight, out of mind.” At first, you are especially tempted to call/write to the person you broke up with. Most people agree on one thing - you need to get rid of everything that connected you with your loved one. To begin with, it will be useful to delete all correspondence (SMS messages, dialogues on social networks). It’s also worth adding to blacklists and unsubscribing from updates. After a breakup, many people get rid of all the gifts from their loved ones - and in most cases this helps quite quickly. But there are so-called force majeure circumstances. For example, you and your ex-other half work together. What then? Quitting what you love and looking for something new is not an option. Try to avoid communicating with this person for at least a month. Psychologists have proven that it is precisely this period that can develop immunity and subsequently it will be much easier to communicate.

Stage 3. Do not refuse moral support. It would be appropriate to contact a psychologist in this situation. Sessions with a specialist can easily replace evening gatherings with girlfriends/friends. This will help you gradually return to normal life.

Stage 4. Appearance is everything. In most cases, the pain of separation is reflected in appearance. And not in the best way. Lack of sleep and stress immediately manifest themselves in the form of dark circles under the eyes and a tired look. And many people completely forget about taking care of themselves. Hence the untidy appearance. You must never forget about yourself! Proper makeup, hairstyle, manicure and a properly selected wardrobe must be present in the image of any self-respecting woman. And it doesn’t matter at what age the bitterness of parting struck, even at 19, even at 40 years old.

Breaking up is a great thing. It always seems to give more than it takes away. Sam Rockwell

Psychologist's advice for men

• Stage 1. Time spent with friends will help you get over a breakup quickly.
  A man begins to focus on one thing when he is not passionate about anything. Unlike women, it is the company of friends that is important to them, and not a personal psychologist in the person of one.
• Step 2: Exercise.
  Regular trips to the gym will help you “throw out” the accumulated adrenaline. In the stronger sex, emotions of anger are formed much faster and in greater quantities. Accordingly, they need to be directed in a peaceful direction.
• Stage 3: Be fully immersed in your work.
  Men are able to immerse themselves in work, while distracting themselves from heavy thoughts. The work will only be beneficial.

Prerequisites for separation

Breaking up is never an easy process. It is accompanied by doubts, resentments, and suffering. It is especially difficult for the initiator, because he will have to decide to break up, making considerable efforts.

How to determine the moment when you need to leave? Maybe not to ruin everything, but once again try to save the relationship? You need to clearly understand that if you have thought about breaking up at least once, then this is the first alarm bell. On a subconscious level, you feel that something is wrong. As a rule, things only get worse from there.

When trying to figure out how to break up with a loved one, you may encounter a number of difficulties. But a relationship that no longer brings you joy is toxic. They will provoke anxiety, sadness, and a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself and life.

There are many reasons why relationships end. Psychologists have identified the top 5 most common.

• Lack of love. It so happens that over the years feelings can fade away. You do not feel reciprocity from your partner or you yourself do not experience those vivid emotions that you had at first.
• Habit and distance. You are no longer growing together. Don't rush to tell your significant other about important events, ideas or experiences. There was a feeling of boredom and routine. The relationship is stable, it seems that the partner is not going anywhere, but such a union does not bring joy to either party.
• Violence. It cannot be part of a healthy love relationship. This includes not only physical violence, for example, assault. These are also attempts to manipulate, insults, demonstrations of force for the purpose of intimidation, and constant criticism. You may justify or deny the aggressive behavior of the partner you love, or even tell yourself that you deserve the way he treats you. However, violence causes serious damage to relationships, self-esteem, physical and mental health.

• Dependencies. The partner has a habit that controls him, and he does not want to fight it. These are addictions to alcohol or drugs, gambling and other problems that make life together unbearable.
• Lack of trust. It is believed that trust is the key to a happy union. Therefore, his loss is the destruction of the foundation of the relationship, which entails suspicions, interrogations, reproaches and all kinds of humiliating checks.

How to get back to life after breaking up with a man

Regardless of who is to blame for the separation, pain thoroughly settles in the souls of both with the realization that a loved one turned out to be unworthy. Often, everyday life destroys the stereotype of ideal relationships. But you don’t need to get lost in negative emotions, because then you can get stuck in the labyrinths of sadness for a long time and lose bright moments in life.

After breaking up a relationship with a man, the mind is consumed by a lack of understanding of what happened and its denial. The pain of parting envelops the soul and interferes with everyday activities. The woman becomes unsure of herself, and a period of self-flagellation begins. The ex-lover argues that it is her fault for the separation, and therefore begins to look for shortcomings in herself. Often women come to the conclusion that all men are traitors.

Depression after a breakup

Before making any decisions, you should allow yourself to cry and be sad. It will be useful to throw out all the negative energy - for this you can swear, dance, or find another way out. After mental devastation occurs, you can move on to restoring mental balance. If calm does not come, then you need to write a letter expressing negative thoughts. Then you need to burn it or tear it apart. This will help you achieve inner peace and let the person go.

To prevent the return of past pain, you need to change your view of what happened.

You should accept everything as a necessary experience and understand that this happens to everyone, no one owes each other anything. There must be an understanding that everyone is healthy, alive, life goes on and over time it will return to its previous course. Positive emotions will help you survive a breakup with your loved one, for example, you can:

• sign up for yoga;
• go on a trip;
• bring something new into everyday life;
• make an appointment with a stylist;
• update your wardrobe;
• treat yourself to cosmetic procedures.

Go shopping with a friend

It is useful to look at the situation from the outside, to analyze it as an outsider. Such reflections will help take the first step towards a truce. But you need to keep in mind that more often than not, former lovers come up with the idea of ​​​​renewing a relationship out of hopelessness, fear of loneliness, rather than out of strong feelings.

You need to understand yourself, overcome your grievances, and understand that others also have the right to choose. We must accept the situation as it is and stop looking for those to blame. It is during this period that an active desire to work on oneself awakens. Motivation caused by separation is considered very strong, but you need to control yourself to avoid impulsive actions. It is worth finding the positive sides of the breakup. A woman no longer needs:

1. Cook food for two.
2. Collect dirty socks around the house.
3. Clean constantly.
4. Remind you to fix the kitchen faucet.
5. Depend on someone.

You should remember your desires and dreams. Perhaps the time has come to implement them. It is forbidden to dwell on the negative, but you need to look for the positives. It is worth understanding that any problem has a solution; it is worth finding the right approach.

Recommendations

Addiction

Refrain from drinking alcohol or even drugs in order to alleviate the condition and “forget yourself.” Despite the fact that you will feel happy again all evening, the next day the problems will return. Plus a hangover. You don’t need to “silence” them, but solve them. Otherwise, difficulties will accumulate and at one “wonderful” moment you will realize that it is not possible to cope with them.

There is no need to risk your own health and slowly kill it. In modern society it is difficult to live without alcohol. Holidays and parties, visits, etc. cannot be done without it. And there are practically no people who do not take a drop. Just be honest with yourself and careful with your techniques.

Experience

If this is not your first breakup, take advantage of the experience you've already gained. Try to remember what used to help you cope with unbearable pain. What actions and activities gave you joy and the feeling that life goes on.

I suggest you do a little exercise. Sit comfortably, take a deep breath, exhale slowly through your mouth and close your eyes.

Try to imagine that there is a library inside you. Take a look around. Do you see a large number of books? You need to find one called, say, “How to cope and recover after a breakup.” You may have a completely different name. The main thing is the knowledge gained from one’s own experience and recorded in it.

Take this book and take a closer look. What is she like? Worn or brand new? Small, or, on the contrary, huge, so difficult to hold in your hands?

Now open it and read it. What helped you cope in the past? What or who did you rely on and receive support from? What activities were distracting and enjoyable? What did they use to “let off steam”?

Value

Despite the conflicting feelings, unbearable pain or anger, try to think about what good and useful things you learned from this relationship.

Even if you suffered in them, you received something important if you stayed. No matter how soulless and terrible your partner may seem, who has disappointed you, you chose him. The fact that they didn’t know much about him is part of your responsibility.

Often we try not to notice something, we “turn a blind eye” to alarm bells. Because then the illusion of a wonderful future will be destroyed. And this is not bad, each of us wants to be happy.

So think about how this relationship has been beneficial. What did they give you? What they taught. What was valuable to you about them? If you recognize their significance, you recognize your personality as it is and will not devalue what you had. This period is part of your life. It consists of such pieces, not always carefree and “plush”.

Communication

People are different, for some it is important to be in company, to communicate, in order to gradually return to normal. And for some, meeting others can be torture.

Only you know what suits you best. Suddenly, it’s really worth spending some time alone to indulge in memories. Think about what to do next. Recover and gain strength. Finally, get some sleep.

Or if you understand that by thinking about the past, you will wallow in suffering like in a swamp, then it is better to enlist the support of friends or family members and go shopping, exhibitions, cinemas, etc.

Job

Try to direct your attention to work processes. This will bring you good dividends in the future. But under no circumstances should you throw it away or devalue it. As the saying goes: “breaking is not building,” building an image is not easy. And if you lose clients, lose the trust of your superiors, then you will have to face another crisis.

If necessary, take vacation, time off, or even sick leave. After all, in fact, your soul is sick now. And you have every right to take a break to treat her.

If for a number of reasons you don’t have a job, start looking. Self-realization will help you bounce back, raise your self-esteem and, in general, your morale. Even if you don’t need it, if, for example, there are passive sources of income, think about how you can be useful in this world? What can you do to know that you have found yourself?

For example, by helping those in need, you will receive recognition and gratitude. And awareness of your significance, your place in this world is a great healing.

Pessimism

The most important thing is to never give in to pessimism. If you notice thoughts that now you will never love anyone or will not be happy, drive them away. And especially ideas about suicide.

Life is difficult but beautiful. Provided you notice this beauty. And it depends only on you what it will be filled with. What events, meetings, acquaintances.

Believe me, over time you will feel better. And now we need to come to terms with the fact that it will be difficult for some period. Which will definitely end.

When you have a cold, few people begin to think that now they will forever have a runny nose and cough. Usually a person understands that he will have to “fall out” for a week and cancels plans and lies in bed. A breakup and the accompanying feelings can also be considered a disease. So why not organize conditions for recovery, as in the case of a cold?

Stages of living a separation

Parting with a person who was significant is an inevitable encounter with grief. It has certain stages of living and this is a completely natural process that allows you to recover and return to normal over time.

To understand what feelings you will have to face, I suggest taking a closer look at these stages:

Shock

The first stage is shock and, accordingly, denial. In the first minutes after parting, days, or even weeks, it will seem that everything that happened was a dream that will soon end. Thoughts may arise that this is just someone’s joke or that in the near future everything will work out and return to how it was. Problems will disappear or resolve on their own.

Anger

Anger arises, which is not so easy to cope with. A lot of anger towards the lost partner and even towards loved ones who are trying to support and are nearby. During this period, a person may blame others, recall situations and words that serve as evidence that they tried to interfere with the relationship. This happens because the body produces a huge amount of adrenaline. There is so much pain that the intensity of the experience can only be drowned out by anger. And the internal picture of the world, which included a loved one, was destroyed. It seems that your whole life has been broken and there is not enough strength to restore it.

By the way, you can take a test to determine your level of anger.

Compromise

It’s time for ideas about how you can turn the relationship back. Somehow come to an agreement, come up with something, etc. The most common way to relapse is to try to talk to your ex-lover and ask him to try again. The grieving person may give the impression that he is in some kind of delusional state. Since some of his thoughts and ideas do not coincide with reality at all. Or they are simply too contradictory.

Depression

Decline of emotions, the person seems to come to terms with what happened, but at the same time does not experience any desires

He doesn't want anything, nothing attracts attention. Acts, works and lives, basically, like a robot

For a moment it may even seem that he has returned to the previous stages of grief. But that's not true. It’s just that what was important before is no longer so significant, and new values ​​have not yet been developed.

You can read about the symptoms of deep depression in one of our articles.

Adaptation

So to speak, completion. In essence, this is a return to yourself and a full life.

So, in order to reach the last, fifth level and rejoice again, you need to complete each of the stages. It happens that a person does not allow himself to suffer, which is why he gets stuck in one phase and “sits” in it for years, constantly encountering failures every time he tries to improve his personal life.

What to do?

Liberty

What I mean is, allow yourself to live through the breakup. If you try to avoid pain, nothing good will come of it. Therefore, if you want to cry, cry and don’t think that this is a sign of weakness.

Even men get hurt, which is why they have the right to cry. Despite the way boys are raised, insisting that they restrain themselves. And if you keep emotions inside, it is fraught with health. A lot of diseases arise precisely for this reason.

If your ex-partner was dear to you, and after breaking up you pretend that you don’t care, know that this is a mental defense mechanism at work. Despite its usefulness, it actually does a disservice right now. The repressed information will try to “break through” into dreams and obsessive thoughts. She will always be with you, as if in the background. And even when you decide to go on new dates.

So it’s better to “suffer” for a period of time, but to fully integrate the experience gained into the structure of your personality. In order not to make any mistakes that have already been made in the future and not to drag the burden of the past with you.

Because, if we think metaphorically, with the help of images, then a person who avoids experiencing mental pain in every possible way, for example, by devaluing relationships or denying their significance, will pull behind him a bag of repressed experiences.

I think you will agree with me that without unnecessary burden, the road ahead is much easier to overcome. It’s easier to walk, you can turn wherever you want, speed up your step if you want, dance, and so on.

Take care of yourself and your body. It will take a lot of resources to contain his emotions. It is better to allow yourself to cry, admitting your vulnerability, than to fall into apathetic state, worrying about where the energy has gone, which is now completely lacking.

Needs

Based on the previous recommendation that it is important to throw out feelings rather than keep them inside, it would not be a bad idea to listen to your own needs and desires. Here you will have to “develop” sensitivity and be a little, so to speak, selfish.

That is, if you want to speak out, be sure to do so, without thinking that a friend or loved one will not be interested. Ask for help and support in advance, stating that it is important for you to “blow off some steam.” Therefore, you will be grateful if they simply listen to you.

Create if you understand that there is chaos inside you and there is no way to put it into words. Even if you're not particularly artistic, give your inner critic a day off and use paint to express your feelings on paper. You won’t be able to relieve the pain right away, but you will get rid of unconscious feelings.

Start keeping a diary, pouring out into it what is impossible to say out loud. Or if you have no one to share it with. Fill a bathtub or sink with water, put your head in it and try to scream. You can just “ahh”, or you can have those words that remained unspoken, unheard. The water will muffle the sound, giving you the opportunity to scream at the top of your lungs until you realize that you have managed to free yourself at least a little.

Finally, dance, give your body the opportunity to release excess tension. Play sports. First, drive, for example, running or swimming, martial arts, and then move on to yoga and other practices that allow you to get in touch with yourself and relax.

Mindfulness

Any crisis and problems, in addition to mental pain and the feeling of a ruined life, also give us opportunities. No matter how ridiculous it may sound.

In any case, the breakup occurred. And now it depends only on you whether it will be a point from which you can start, or vice versa, which interferes and blocks the entire path.

During this difficult period, the time has come to rethink life and reconsider values. Perhaps something is outdated and no longer relevant, but something, on the contrary, has acquired a new meaning.

This is a very important process. It will allow you not only to survive the loss, but also to become more mature and aware.

Because a person who did not try to analyze what happened, his mistakes, limitations and values ​​risks ending up in the same situation in the future. Only with another partner.

Changes

Now is the time to allow yourself what you couldn't while you were with your partner. Or they simply didn’t find the time to turn their desires into reality. For example, we wanted to learn to dance, but there was no time.

Bring changes to life. Fill it with new meanings. Change your image, take some courses, take self-development training. Go on a trip or just do a general cleaning of the house, throwing away unnecessary and unnecessary things, freeing up space.

Proceed to this stage only after successful completion of the previous ones. Because it will be quite difficult to sit through cutting and sewing lessons when a hurricane of emotions is simply raging inside. Or watch a movie in a cinema, holding back so that in front of a large number of strangers you don’t start crying your heart out.

Therefore, look for new activities only when it becomes empty inside and it seems that you are no longer able to rejoice or want something. That is, when the depressive stage occurs during the work of grief.

Time

Although the phrase “time heals everything” is usually very annoying, it actually reflects reality. You will not suffer forever, for the rest of your life. Even if now it seems that you definitely will and nothing will ever be able to make you happy again.

Time is really necessary. Some more, some less. Again, it depends on the significance of the destroyed relationship, the number of years, months spent together.

Even if you feel bad for quite a long time, it means that your psyche is not able to cope as quickly as others, as you would like. Especially if you interfere with her and create barriers.

Just know that someday this torment will end. And you will love again if you want and allow.

From time to time it may seem that life is getting better, and then suddenly feelings will come flooding back. Holidays and some anniversaries are especially hard to bear. When these days used to be shared, but now it is necessary to celebrate them differently, without the presence of a former loved one.

This is normal, don’t be scared and think that it will always be like this. You will learn to live differently.