Betrayal: 8 main stages of living, how to survive

No matter how much people believe in their spouses, statistics still show that infidelity happens in families at least once in 75% of cases. When the truth is revealed, it can be difficult for the victim of deception to survive the shock and even more difficult to find the strength and knowledge of how to live on. How to survive your husband's betrayal? The advice of a psychologist will tell you how to move on and do the right thing.

There are different reasons for cheating; to find out, you need to have a heart-to-heart conversation.

Reasons that push husbands to cheat

Should I forgive my husband's betrayal? The advice of a psychologist should be used based on the individual characteristics of the spouse and the specific situation. First of all, it is necessary to find out the reason that pushed the spouse to go to the left. Many modern experts in the field of family psychology believe that women most often cheat on their husbands due to lack of attention or out of revenge (much less often). Men have more reasons for adultery; among the main factors it is worth highlighting:

Sexual dissatisfaction

It is one of the most common reasons for cheating. Men require not only an active sex life, but also a certain variety in the intimate sphere. In order not to become boring to each other, both partners must work both on themselves and on the relationship. Over time, many wives begin to perceive their own husbands as home interiors, as if the husband is constantly at hand, and he has nowhere to go (“who else might need him besides me?”). This approach hurts a man’s pride, and if a man has any remnants of self-respect, he will not tolerate such a situation.

Incompatibility of life guidelines

Each person has a set of their own values, ideals and life guidelines. A man can make demands on a woman such as being well-groomed, open, maintaining her appearance in good condition and being ready to provide support in difficult times. In the case when both partners look at their future together in the same direction, husbands rarely think about going to the left. However, in the opposite situation, when spouses move away from each other, all the prerequisites are created for searching for a passion on the side.

Need for self-affirmation

A man is a leader by nature, and for a truly triumphant victory he needs a battle or a long struggle. Its absence entails a fading interest in the subject of the opposite sex and the search for a woman who will make her partner feel like a real conqueror. The desire to win at any cost is the driving factor leading to various discoveries in science and technology. It also sometimes makes monogamy a difficult ordeal for a man.

Boredom and monotony in relationships

If a relationship continues for more than four years, there is a good chance it will turn into a routine where two people simply tolerate each other. Accumulated disagreements and hidden grievances sooner or later come to the surface and result in scandals and the spouse’s search for consolation on the side. When a man is already over 40, and by his age he has not had time to realize himself in the creative field and climb the career ladder, he begins to have a crisis. An inferiority complex due to lack of self-realization often pushes people to cheat.

Statistics say that the most prone to cheating are men of a narcissistic nature, prone to narcissism and having an egoistic character. It is incredibly difficult for men of this type to control themselves when a compliment is addressed to them from the lips of a pretty girl. Such subjects change much more often, since they constantly need new facts that reinforce their worth and attractiveness.

This is interesting! Jealousy is a kind of generator, fueled by uncertainty and fears. Therefore, men, as a rule, leave overly jealous women for less complex ladies with higher self-esteem.

Bring to poverty

Sometimes quite wealthy women literally find themselves on the street. There are men who only know how to earn money this way. Some types of fraud are punishable by criminal charges, others are due to a man’s lack of shame and conscience. But the result is the same - enormous stress from discovered injustice, shaken trust in the whole world and a lack of funds for living in the wallet.

You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself and cry to everyone you know. Only a business approach, since we are talking about material things. The female psyche is the most flexible material in the world, and nature is practical by nature, psychology does not deceive. The time has come to remember this, and if you have no desire to become a business lady, you can play her role temporarily. Just like in the theater, only convincingly, with inspiration and carefully studying the materials.

Necessary:

File a complaint with the relevant authorities if fraud has occurred;
Get advice from a lawyer about whether it is possible to return the property or part of it in this situation;
Conduct an audit of property and income, optimize expenses;
Carefully analyze your abilities, identify those on which you can make money now, plan actions on more promising opportunities that require time or financial investments.

Is it necessary to forgive your husband’s infidelity: the opinion of a psychologist

Is it possible to forgive your husband's betrayal? The psychologist's answer will vary depending on a number of circumstances and the attitude of the spouse towards him. Many experts believe that adultery is eligible for forgiveness in the following situations:

The betrayal was accidental (one-time) in nature and was provoked by the husband’s long stay on a business trip or by an excessive dose of alcohol drunk at a party.
The man sincerely repents of his offense and wants to make amends at all costs.
Having common children. Divorce has the most negative impact on the psyche of a minor child. However, the constant scandals of parents due to jealousy pose a serious danger to children.
The betrayal occurred out of jealousy or revenge.

A psychologist's advice on how to survive a man's betrayal is not to overreact to this unpleasant event. For most women, cheating causes outbursts of rage and outbursts of anger, but it's worth waiting for them to subside. A deep, long exhalation helps cool down the intensity of emotions. In the future, you should not suppress the surging feelings of disappointment and resentment in yourself, but it is strongly not recommended to cultivate pity towards yourself.

Sincere forgiveness for the fact of betrayal is necessary for the woman herself, since the cocktail of anger, resentment and disappointment is very destructive and can lead to the development of chronic diseases. It is important to accept the full range of negative feelings associated with your husband’s betrayal and admit to yourself that you are confused and angry. Only after this you need to take steps to quickly get rid of the blues and restore mental comfort.

Is it necessary to take revenge?

Betrayal causes resentment, rage, and anger in people, which gives rise to a desire for revenge. The result of this is retaliatory betrayal, quarrels, and manipulation. In married couples, children suffer from parental scandals and are used as tools for “payback.” In rare cases, it comes to criminal offenses.

The desire for revenge after betrayal is understandable, but deeply destructive. Inflicting reciprocal pain on a former partner brings a short release, followed by new unpleasant experiences. This leads to mental disorders and loss of the ability to enjoy normal activities. Therefore, you should not deliberately take revenge on a traitor.

The best revenge on an unfaithful person is to leave the relationship with dignity and find happiness without him.

To do this, you need to engage in self-development, career, appearance, make new acquaintances, friends, boyfriends. This will help you cope with a breakup, get rid of complexes and feelings of guilt, increase your self-esteem, and learn to love yourself again.

How to forgive your husband’s betrayal and save your family: advice from a psychologist

How to survive your husband's betrayal and save your family? Psychologist's advice: first of all, stop placing all responsibility for what happened solely on your spouse. In any conflict situation, all participants are to blame. Discord usually begins where there is a lack of mutual respect and understanding, so it is worth assessing your own role in the problem as objectively as possible. Women who have experienced stress after the truth was revealed to them about their husband’s left-handed behavior can be given the following recommendations:

A “frank” conversation with your husband must certainly take place, and this unpleasant discussion cannot be put off for a long time. You should not remember old grievances and complaints, but pay attention to discussing the betrayal that happened.
Partners need to, without swearing or quarreling, identify those qualities that irritate them most in each other. Then everyone must express their own opinion and offer their own vision of solving the current problem.

Even if the rival has been eliminated, and the husband vows to devote all his attention exclusively to the family, there is no need to be overly happy. The fact that the passion disappears from sight will not affect the fact that the husband will constantly compare his wife with his mistress, and this comparison will often be not in favor of the wife.

It is important! If a difficult conversation with your husband is scheduled for a certain time in a specific place, you should not show up there with eyes swollen from tears and lack of sleep and dull skin. It is important to take care of your appearance, demonstrating grace, irresistibility and self-confidence when meeting.

What is betrayal and why is it so painful?

The husband is a traitor... If we recall the original Russian understanding of things, “betrayal” is the ability of a loved one to hand over another to enemies or cruel circumstances that are clearly harmful to mental and physical health.

It’s bad enough that the person from whom you expect support and understanding abandons you in a difficult situation, or even creates it himself.

Even worse, this process usually comes as a complete surprise. Internal unwillingness to understand and accept such treachery becomes the cause of severe depression, a sharp drop in self-esteem, and ability to work, which further worsens the condition of the devoted individual.

But if you look correctly at what is happening from the outside, you will certainly discover facts that indicate the opportunity to improve your life, sometimes significantly grow professionally, personally, socially, and improve your financial situation and health. Of course, the initial result will be pain, but it is not necessary to feel like a victim.

Life situations are so diverse that it is impossible to take into account everything in a relationship, but it is enough to grasp the main principle in order to receive a message for the right actions. Therefore, we can consider only the most common variants of betrayal and ways to competently respond to them.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: advice from a psychologist

How to survive your husband's betrayal? Psychologist's advice: do not make a deal with your own conscience, trying to return to “the way it was before” by hushing up the problem. Aggressive behavior with breaking dishes and noisy scandals also does not lead to any positive results, as do attempts to put pressure on pity. The negativity will need to be thrown out later, directing it in the least destructive direction, without causing harm to others.

It is necessary to come to terms with the fact that it will take a certain period of time to heal the mental wound after the betrayal of the faithful. Melancholy and sadness will pass sooner or later, and instead of passively waiting for happy changes, psychologists recommend seriously engaging in physical and intellectual self-development. If finances allow, you can take off and go on a trip with your beloved friend. A sudden change of scenery and new experiences speed up the period of relief from stress.

If, after discussions, partners have made an informed decision to stay together, psychologists recommend that they take active steps to get closer to each other. It is best to take time out from work, entrust the children to the temporary care of their grandparents, and go on a trip or a romantic cruise together. The heady atmosphere of a second honeymoon is perfect for starting a relationship from scratch.

In modern society, there is an opinion that a proud and strong woman should solve her problems on her own and not complain about difficulties to others. In fact, there is nothing wrong with asking friends and family for help, asking for their honest opinion about the current situation and enlisting their support. In the absence of comrades and kindred spirits nearby, you can lay out the accumulated pain and disappointment on a piece of paper, read your own torment out loud, then burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind.

Quite often, leaving an errant husband is the best course of events. Many women believe that they should close their eyes to the fact of adultery and continue to live as if nothing had happened, so as not to traumatize their children, relatives or friends. The option of silence is low in effectiveness, and a woman should not make a deal with her own conscience in order to save a marriage that has long been “bursting at the seams.”

How to forgive your husband's betrayal? Advice from a psychologist: First of all, it is necessary to understand that the idea of a spouse is not always identical to the true state of affairs. In any problematic situation, you should try to look at it as objectively as possible, without speculation and unfounded assumptions. It is also reckless to passively wait for the unfaithful spouse to come to his senses and decide to return back to the family. Seeing weakness in his wife's actions, the husband is unlikely to suffer from remorse or change the vector of behavior.

What is your goal?

If your goal is to very quickly create many different men around you who will give gifts and flowers, then please pretend to be, provoke, play, manipulate, be in such a sexy image. But if your goal is a long-term happy relationship, if you don’t need a bunch of men, you only need one, but cool, or several men, from whom you choose one, but who will see you as a person, a woman. Which will manifest itself as a man in actions, deeds, then you need to learn to use your inner strength, gentleness. Strength is caused by strength, caused by softness. And here you will need to dig into yourself and learn to accept yourself.

To summarize, I can give you some steps that you can apply now. One of the manifestations of gentleness, one of the manifestations of female calmness - try to speak less than a man. Try to speak half as much as a man, try to just listen to him.

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Of course, you can sit and wait to see how your spouse will behave and what decision he will make. But you can't let other people determine your destiny. Therefore, first you need to understand yourself and understand what you want. Then the dependence on the will of others will be destroyed, and you will be guided only by your desires and plans. Looking deep into yourself, you may realize that one of the following statements is close to you:

I want to stop all contact with my husband, separate forever and start my life anew;
I love my spouse, I’m ready to forgive everything and return to my previous relationship;
for certain reasons I cannot leave my husband, and I don’t want to, but I dream of taking revenge on him;
I will stay with my husband so that he does not go to his mistress;
I must review the past and understand where I was wrong and mistaken, so as not to repeat the bad experience and regain control over my life.

No one can decide for a deceived woman how she should live next. There is no single right way out of this situation. The wife whose husband cheated must decide for herself what words to say and what to do in order to reduce internal tension and return to the comfort zone.

What a wife should not do after her husband cheats: advice from a psychologist

Stress after a husband’s betrayal lasts longer and is more severe in women who are not aware of the reasons for adultery and shift all responsibility for what happened to their spouse. In a fit of anger, any person is capable of doing such things that problems will only increase in the future, so women who find out about the fact of their husband’s infidelity should use the following practical recommendations:

There is no need to make any attempts to meet your opponent and talk to her “face to face.” If your spouse’s mistress turns out to be younger, more successful and beautiful, it will be very difficult to recover from the blow to your pride. There is no point in provoking a rival into a scandal or pressuring pity with arguments like “we have two children who will go through a divorce and miss their father.”
It is strongly recommended not to show excessive aggression towards your husband. It is necessary to recognize the fact of the treason that has taken place, and not go on an open offensive. It is worth clearly defining your position, whether it is a decision on an unambiguous divorce or a pause in the relationship in order to consider the final verdict.
It is useless to try to shame or win back your husband by spreading information about his infidelity among relatives, friends and colleagues.

Some women with a grumpy and grumpy character, after their husband’s betrayal, rush to the other extreme and change their behavior from aggressive to emphatically friendly. Some of them visit a beauty salon and hairdresser in the hope of attracting their spouse in a new way with a bright appearance combined with flattery. Most psychologists are of the opinion that such an algorithm of actions is absolutely ineffective. In addition, false emotions, coupled with suppressed anger, lead to various disorders both at the mental and physiological levels.

Important! Punishment (including physical) of a husband caught cheating sometimes seems the most tempting and surest option for solving the problem. Love cannot be built on a foundation of intimidation and fear. Even if the spouse returns to the family for some period of time and plays the role of an exemplary father and husband, at the first good opportunity he will run away to a less authoritarian life partner.

How long does it take to cope with the psychological consequences?

Approximately 1.5 years of weekly therapy.

How do you know you've done it?

The check is quite simple.

Think about this traumatic situation and feel how you feel inside.

If you can freely think about it, talk about it and not feel pain, you can calmly start relationships with other men and look into your future, feel that the past does not pull you in, then the situation has been worked out.

You did it.

How to forgive your husband’s betrayal and move on: advice from a psychologist

Instead of self-deprecation and comparing oneself with a rival, psychologists recommend that women shift attention to their own development. Cheating on your husband can become a motivating factor that pushes you to make drastic changes in your life. It's time to sign up for a fitness class, purchase a pool membership or buy a mountain bike, take an unplanned vacation, or completely leave your tired workplace. To improve life after betrayal and separation from your husband, psychologists give the following advice:

You need to learn the art of active listening. To do this, it is enough to simply show genuine interest in the experiences and events that concern the interlocutor. It is also worth considering the interests of the people around you and not putting them below your own needs.
It is necessary to restore trust between spouses. This is quite difficult to do, since it is difficult for a woman who has been deceived once to trust her cheating spouse again. Each couple solves this issue in its own way: in some, initially there is control over SMS correspondence and communication on social networks, in others, spouses try to build a new relationship on the foundation of trust.
There is no need to immediately try to take revenge on the faithful through betrayal with the first male that comes into view. There will be a replacement for an unfaithful husband, but the person who appears in life must be different for the better, so “slapping a fever” will be a rash decision.

How to forgive your husband for cheating? Psychologist's advice: you should start taking steps towards reconciliation only after a detailed analysis of the current situation and establishing the reasons for the betrayal. Betrayal is a heavy burden, and you should prepare for the fact that it may take many months or even years to restore lost trust in your spouse.

Important! A relationship after cheating will most likely never be the same. A new round awaits them, or they will completely exhaust themselves. Therefore, it is worth firmly understanding that nothing will be “as before,” and attempts to hold on to the past in such situations have destructive potential.

Ways to protect your relationship from cheating

In order to prevent possible betrayal, a woman needs to pay attention to creating a positive mental microclimate in the family. It’s a good idea to introduce such a wonderful family tradition as a weekly romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. It is worth making decisions together and discussing particularly sensitive issues in order to avoid the accumulation of grievances and claims. Spouses who want to improve their relationship and bring a fresh breath into it should take into account the following recommendations from psychologists:

Find a hobby or hobby that will be interesting for both partners. This could be tennis, horse riding, rock climbing, or a more relaxing activity such as billiards or exotic language courses.
Agree on personal time when husband and wife can calmly take care of their own affairs or simply watch news on social networks or favorite TV series.
Periodically arrange romantic meetings outside the home. A change of scenery is conducive to improving relationships.

Situations should not be allowed where a man constantly comes into conflict with the adult son or daughter of his partner from a previous marriage. Psychologists do not recommend being torn between the concepts of “mother” and “wife,” so you need to make efforts and certain diplomatic talents to create the most comfortable environment within your own home.

Leave in a difficult moment

Some people are pathologically afraid of responsibility, either their own or one that needs to be shared. To avoid it, they are ready to rush to the ends of the earth.

Men are people too, and this is the most vile kind of betrayal:

How many cases have there been when women were held criminally liable, and after half a year or a year they returned to nowhere, found themselves without family, children, housing, reputation;
young mothers stay with small children, and the man runs away because children are expensive, noisy, and troublesome.
after losing a good job, social status, or popularity, women were abandoned and went to younger, more successful, wealthy people;
during the illness of a close relative living together, when the psychological situation in the house becomes difficult, they leave (to another woman, to work in another city or country);
They leave their wife if she has a difficult diagnosis.

In this case, all that remains is to rejoice, no matter how creepy it may sound at first glance. Did the father abandon the children? Thank God, they will not see a bad example in front of them and will grow up to be decent people. Left him with his sick mother? So obviously I couldn’t help in any way. And now you don’t have to worry about it, you can focus on the main thing. And if you look around, you will find a more worthy replacement. Even if you have a couple of months left to live, and strangers will help you with this, you should be glad that your last days are spent with worthy people.

There is no need to regret the past or consider the years wasted. There was something good and bright about them. And the rest are lessons that have already been learned.

Should you forgive your husband’s infidelity: advice from a psychologist

Many women turn to specialists with complaints like “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal, but we live together.” The advice of a psychologist in such a case will be obvious: it is necessary to end a relationship in which both partners feel uncomfortable. If spouses want to maintain a relationship, but do not have the proper training to conduct constructive dialogues, they need to turn to mediators represented by qualified psychologists.

The help of a psychologist in a situation with betrayal consists of the following: the woman is provided with comprehensive support, starting with the search for the causes of adultery and ending with the development of an optimal algorithm of actions to restore emotional calm. If classical psychology does not bring the desired results, you should consider visiting a competent hypnotist. He is able to change a woman’s attitude towards betrayal on a subconscious level and significantly reduce anxiety and worry.

A recognized expert in the field of psychology and hypnosis is Nikita Valerievich Baturin, author and developer of a number of unique techniques for combating fears and various neurotic disorders. With the help of hypno sessions, you cannot bewitch your husband and make him look at you with loving eyes. However, with the help of hypnosis you can:

get rid of resentment and anger at the subconscious level;
increase self-esteem;
become successful and in demand;
change your life for the better in a relatively short period of time.

Those women who are afraid of further existence and new acquaintances should watch this video: