In this article I will tell you how to get rid of love addiction and find peace of mind. By love addiction I mean the feeling that just the presence of another person makes your life happy. Constant thoughts about him, especially when he is not around. The feeling that you cannot live without him, and that along with him all the joy will leave your life.
Also in the article I will tell you how, in general, to become an independent and full-fledged person, with an inner core, independent of other people.
If you finish reading this article, then I can congratulate you, because you will be one of the 5% of people who in our time have not yet forgotten how to finish reading. And then (weakly?) try to become one of the 5% of those who have finished reading - these are those rare specimens who, after reading, go through the suggested steps and radically change their lives.
Not forever, but for a while
It is worth clarifying that we are not talking about completely giving up on the idea of finding your soulmate and stopping making at least some effort in this direction. Psychologists advise taking a break for a while in order to restore the lost connection with yourself.
In a sense, this is reminiscent of the technology of working with desires, which is very often recommended by esotericists. First you need to focus on what you want, formulate it, and then release your desire into the sky, the way children release balloons, and just move on with your life, enjoying every day and not expecting your wish to come true. Esotericists simply suggest believing, and rational psychologists name 5 reasons why giving up the idea of finding love for a while would be the right and useful step on the path to personal happiness.
Do you need to get rid of being in love?
Before you figure out how to get rid of being in love, you need to understand whether it’s worth doing. Unfortunately, this wonderful feeling does not always benefit a person. It is worth fighting it in the following cases:
- if the object of your adoration does not reciprocate your feelings;
- if falling in love negatively affects your mental and physical state;
- if you are driven by pathological jealousy;
- if you experience manic attachment to a person;
- if romantic feelings interfere with your studies or career growth.
Unfortunately, not every girl or young man in love can cope with the problem on his own. Or rather, they will in every possible way deny its existence. It is friends and family who can notice deviations in time.
You can give yourself a break
Finding your soulmate is quite hard work. You need to create a profile on a dating site, spend time choosing those who seem suitable to you, and then meet them, communicate, experience disappointments when the person turns out to be not who he said he was, or, on the contrary, you liked him and it seems that - it started to work out, but he took it and disappeared in an unknown direction. All this requires time and effort, and a lot of it.
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By giving up the search for love for a while, you can take back your life: spending time with friends, playing sports, watching your favorite movies, going to bed early or reading books.
You will be able to focus on yourself
It sounds pretty cliché, I know. But focusing on yourself is an important part of the life of a mentally healthy person, especially when he is in a stream of new acquaintances.
Dating is a constant state of anticipation. It's hard to be yourself when you're dating someone. If you want to please someone, it can be tempting to show off some better version of yourself. You may start to neglect many things that are important to you in order to free up more time for dating. For example, give up yoga, pay less attention to work, friends, even your beloved dog.
Pausing your search for a while will give you time to focus on yourself and get to know yourself again. You will be able to again spend time with those people who are dear to you, again do those things that are important and interesting to you.
And then, only after you've come to know and love yourself again may you be ready to dive into the world of dating with renewed vigor.
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conclusions
How to get rid of being in love? At first glance, this question may seem stupid and frivolous, because everyone goes through romantic experiences. However, it is worth taking into account the individual psychological characteristics of each person. Sometimes falling in love not only interferes with your studies and work, but can also lead to serious psychological problems and even suicide attempts, which should never be allowed to happen. That is why modern psychology pays such close attention to this issue.
You will be able to reflect on what you want from the person who will be next to you
Have you ever thought about what is important to you and what is not in the person you would like to date? Do you think height, whether you have a pet, or how far away your pet lives is important? Maybe there are some other criteria?
Taking a break from searching for your soul mate is a good time to think about what is really important to you in a partner. Make a list of what you want to feel next to your chosen one. These thoughts will help you when you start dating again.
What is love - what is its essence
For unknown reasons, each person has his own perception of love as a feeling, and his own interpretation of love in general. For some, love is passionate impulses, ardent confessions and stormy relationships that invariably end with a wedding.
For others - complete mutual understanding and unity of souls. For others - habit, sympathy, dedication and other components. And few people understand that true love is all together and at once. After all, if you love, then not for some reason, but simply love a person for what he is, with all his shortcomings.
And if suddenly you are still thinking about how to return your former love and previous relationships, think about whether it was true love, and which of you should return your feelings... After all, it may not be about your partner, but about yourself – in your priorities, views on life and those around you.
The World Wide Web too often “considers” itself to be a faithful assistant in any problem. But how can millions of users around the world understand what is happening in the soul of just one person, somewhere on the edge of the earth?!
You can re-read tons of literature, interview thousands of people, ask for advice on hundreds of forums and websites. But, alas, you will not understand the main thing - there is no point in going through memories and trying to see your partner as he was before, because over time absolutely everything changes, and people are no exception.
Joint trips, impressions and candlelit dinners will not help either. Even the specialists are unable to help. And all because everything has passed. If not from you, then from your partner. And once it’s passed, it means everything is false and just a play on words and your imagination.
But don't fold your arms. We need to spread our wings. Don't bring back yesterday. Just leave room in your heart for warm memories of past and present love.
You can get used to being alone
Many people hate being single, but this is a very important point. To build a truly successful relationship, you need to feel great when you're alone.
I have a friend. When she got divorced, she quickly realized that she literally couldn't stand being alone. As a result, she was desperately looking for a new love to quickly fill the space left empty after her ex-husband left. In the end, the search exhausted her so much that she decided to give up the idea. At first she felt very uncomfortable in an empty house, but over time the situation began to change. Gradually she began to understand that alone she could be herself and do only what she wanted. There was no one nearby whom we had to take care of, whose interests we had to take into account, and compromises we had to make. And she liked it.
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When my friend learned to enjoy alone time and stopped desperately needing someone to fill the empty space, it changed her life. She became a stronger and more confident woman, which in turn attracted a strong and confident man to her. She liked this man, but he had to prove himself so that she would allow him to become a part of her life.
So, be sure to take the time to learn to truly enjoy being alone. You won't regret it.
Spend more time with friends3
What can better distract you from suffering over an unattainable person than communicating with old comrades? Don't sit at home within four walls. Go visit your friends or girlfriends. Call old friends you haven't seen for a hundred years. Who knows, maybe they also suffer from broken love aspirations. And by spending time together, you can help each other forget about suffering.
In addition, in the company of friends it is always easier to switch attention from your problems to how other people live. Maybe they need your help too? You shouldn’t focus only on yourself: since your personal life still leaves much to be desired, put your energies into a constructive direction. Teach your friend to knit. Or babysit a friend's nephew so that he can go to a hockey game at least once a year. Believe me, your friends will definitely be happy to help; and you yourself will feel proud of yourself, since you did a good deed.
You will give love the opportunity to find you
There is a saying attributed to the writer Henry David Thoreau. He compares happiness to a butterfly. The more you try to catch it, to catch up, the further it flies away from you. But as soon as you get distracted and pay attention to some other things, a butterfly flies up to you and lands on your shoulder. A very beautiful metaphor, which is fully true for love.
The most interesting thing is that if you search for your soulmate as diligently as if you were preparing for a marathon or trying to conquer the top of the career ladder, then you risk never finding your love at all. It comes when a person is relaxed, resting and engaged in self-discovery, when he is happy alone and confident enough to take the next step.
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Determination is harmful
It’s surprising, because from childhood we are taught that without difficulty there will be no fish, that we need to set goals for ourselves and go towards them without losing our way. Perhaps this is true for other aspects of life. But in love you need space for magic.
If you continue the pursuit of personal happiness without stopping for a second and without noticing anything around you, you risk missing out on all that is beautiful, including that special person because you quickly scrolled through his photo in a hurry on a dating site because she wasn't very presentable, and you didn't give yourself time to stop and take a closer look.
How to measure love
This feeling can make a slave out of a person. Also, a person can do the most crazy things that are not thought through and are done out of emotion. Most people can do a lot of interesting things.
1.
All people unanimously say that for the sake of love, a person can do the craziest things, but if you then start to be more specific, then embarrassment begins. Everyone says they are ready for anything, but within normal limits. What are the limits? How are they measured? How to understand what is possible and what is not? These are the questions that have no answers.
2.
If we think about it, we can say that if a person is ready to do any act for the sake of love, then this is not love, but a kind of animal passion. After all, this is already madness, which is very difficult to stop. And you have to try hard to say “no” in time.
3.
How to measure love? This is a very difficult question to which you may not find an answer. After all, if a loved one demands that love be proven to him every second, then this is already paranoia, which one cannot dare to call love. In such cases, the word “love” should under no circumstances be used.
4.
Well, if we speak in specific language and numbers, then what percentage must be given in order for it to be considered love? Maybe 100, or maybe 0. But it’s better to do everything in half. Neither here nor there. As they say, choose the golden mean.
5.
But that's not true. This middle does not mean love, but friendship between best friends. But sometimes, friendship can be more important than love. But do not forget that friendship can develop into love. And many people think it’s better to remain friends. After all, for the sake of a friend, anyone can move mountains.
6.
It can be assumed that if a person loves, then he can do everything, but after thinking. After all, if a person is ready for a lot, but after thinking everything through, then this means that he loves, but does not follow common sense. Does not commit actions that are unreasonable. After all, no one has canceled responsibility. There should be a return, but in moderation. You can't demand the moon knowing that it won't happen.
In general, you can try to measure love, but it is not very easy. The main thing is to always remember that everyone should have reason. And even a loved one will not ask for the worst deed. When doing anything, always think about what you are doing.
