How to get rid of addiction to a man: analysis and 4 tips

Each era has its own cult. There are cults that go back to ancient times and still continue to stir the minds of humanity in general and each of us in particular. This is a cult of love. Love does not have a clear definition, and the older a person gets, the more difficult it is for him to understand what it means. Ask a child what love is, and he will definitely give you the answer: it is caring about his friends, the desire to spend time with them and share toys, it is a mother who kisses and hugs you, and you want to kiss and hug her back. This is when the sun is shining and the wonderful weather is conducive to playing in the yard all day, and then eating ice cream on the bench and laughing at jokes - your own and those of others.

Children understand love more simply, and perhaps that is why they see great happiness in it. It’s strange, because it is generally accepted that real awareness of love comes much later!

How to get rid of love addiction

It is deceptive to make all interest in life dependent on such intense feelings as love.
Maria Skladovskaya-Curie

1.What is love addiction?
2. The nature of love addiction
3.Symptoms of love addiction
4.Test: Do you have a love addiction? 4.1.Key to the test
4.2. Test results 4.2.1.0-5 points
4.2.2.6-11 points
4.2.3.12-17 points

5.How to deal with this addiction?

6. Summary

Signs that a man likes you
How to seduce a woman?
Why is a man afraid of the woman he is in love with?
Signs that a guy likes you
How to determine if a man needs you?

What is addiction?

In psychology, the term “addiction syndrome” is used. This condition is a pathology that requires specific treatment. Psychologists call the emotional need for another person a separate term - “codependency.”

According to the definition, this is a special state characterized by a specific combination of mental, emotional and physiological phenomena that determine the need for something or someone, elevating this object to first place in the system of life values.

Dependence can be both physiological, psychological and emotional. Both subtypes of this pathology have three stages of development:

initial;
average;
final

Of course, the easiest way to deal with this syndrome is in its initial stage. However, the question of how to get rid of dependence on a man usually arises only when the pathology becomes obvious and noticeable to both the woman herself and those around her. And this is precisely what makes the process of getting rid of the syndrome very long and difficult.

Increase your self-esteem

The fact that you agreed to a relationship with a married man already indicates a slight decrease in self-esteem. They rarely have a happy ending and the situation usually gets worse over time. And now the woman thinks: “He returned to the family because I behaved incorrectly,” “He doesn’t leave for me because I’m not good enough,” and so on.

Raise your self-esteem

In fact, a man solves his problems with you, gets what he lacks in the family. The woman acts as an emotional donor, and, having received the desired emotions, the man returns to his still beloved wife, even if he tells you otherwise. Accept it as a fact - you are good, simply because you are. You are worthy of love. A loving man will want to start a family with you. He will confirm his intentions with deeds, not empty promises.

Therefore, increase your self-esteem in all available ways. Remember what you were like before you met this man. What brings you pleasure and joy. There are no wrong options here - whatever helps you personally is used. Any hobby, any changes in appearance, any physical activity - everything that comes to mind and can help.

What are the features of this emotional state?

Many women associate dependence in a relationship with submission to a man, “serving” his interests and the loss of their own personality. Without a doubt this is true. However, these conditions are only a small part of the overall picture. A woman can be completely dependent, but at the same time not submit, but dominate.

Psychologists identify the following roles that a woman dependent on them can play in a relationship:

savior;
pursuer, huntress;
victim.

There are three main types called the Karpman triangle. Such socio-psychological roles are characteristic of any relationship between people, but with addiction they take on exaggerated forms.

Accordingly, how to get rid of psychological dependence on a man should begin with awareness of the problem and with defining your type and role.

Seek support

Read thematic forums where thousands of other women tell their stories. You will understand that your story is not unique, relationships with married men are in many ways similar, and from the example of other women you will find support for yourself. Stories with a good ending are especially important - read them, apply what you like, notice how your mood and self-esteem react. If this is required, write your story, ask for advice, get support. Sometimes just being able to talk anonymously makes things a lot easier.

What is the most common role?

As a rule, female “victims” turn to psychologists for help. They often do this under the influence of public opinion. “Chasers”, as a rule, do not notice any special problems, and other people usually envy them. If these are financially secure, socially independent women, then throughout their lives they do not realize that they are dependent.

“Savior” is the most common socio-psychological role. Women “love” losers, guys “with a sea of melancholy in their eyes”, suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction, terminally ill people, “unrecognized geniuses” and everyone else who needs help, pity, care, guardianship. This type of dependence grows out of maternal instinct, and it is very terrible for the female psyche.

A woman with such dependence completely devotes herself to caring for a man, to the point of forgetting about her own appearance, not to mention hobbies, interests, hobbies, and tastes. At the same time, the whole family is “subordinate” to the man; if a woman has children, they are in second place, and she also requires them to take care of the man.

The woman herself is absolutely convinced that “without her, her beloved will be lost.” She needs to constantly “save” the man, protect, protect, “stand guard over his interests.” Such women are convinced that only they “understand” their chosen one.

This form of addiction is scary not only for women. It cripples the psyche of children and completely destroys the already weak personality of a man. A self-sufficient, accomplished, successful husband does not need saving; accordingly, insecure individuals become partners of such women. Over the years, from such a “clogged life” a real tyrant, a domestic despot, grows. This happens because the man is trying to psychologically resist the “savior.”

Lead an active life

Take some free time so that there is simply no time left for sad thoughts. Don’t sit at home in your “shell” (at least not for long), look for opportunities to leave the house more often. If it's appropriate for your situation, ask your friends for help. This method is good both as an ambulance - arriving with a bottle of wine at 2 am - and in the long term. Who else, if not your friends, will do what is given to you with great difficulty - organize time together, and will not let you become limp. New places, experiences, new acquaintances are great distractions. Feel a new taste for life. Decide for yourself where and how to spend your time, without adjusting to a man.

Do dependence on a partner have characteristic common features?

Before you try to get rid of your addiction to a man, you need to make sure that it really exists. Of course, each case is individual and has its own characterizing nuances. However, psychologists identify a number of common signs, the presence of which in a relationship should cause caution.

Common signs of dependence on a partner include the following:

self-deception, denial of reality, cultivation of one’s delusions;
compulsions - rituals observed regularly and thoroughly, this can be any “household tradition”; in the presence of pathology, an error in the order of “conducting the ritual” or neglect of it becomes a real tragedy;
feelings of guilt or self-hatred;
belittling one's own importance, falling self-esteem;
aggression that is difficult to control, anger, rage;
control, constant provision of assistance without requests for it;
pressure and decision-making “for two”;
anticipating needs, thoughts, actions, words or desires;
pity, anxiety;
ignoring one's own needs;
fixation on the interests of the partner;
problems in the intimate sphere, for example, the inability to relax and “disconnect” from thoughts during intercourse;
justifying any actions of the partner;
isolation;
the habit of “putting in order” the thoughts and feelings of another person.

Of course, not all of these signs are inherent in a specific addiction. For example, a “savior” will make decisions for a man during the day, and at night in bed she will think about whether he is comfortable. The “victim” will become depressed, withdraw into himself, and suffer from feelings of guilt.

Close the door to the past

The first thing you need to do after you break up with a person is to accept the fact that the past, no matter how beautiful and rosy it may be, cannot be returned. It is necessary to let it go, cross it out, accept the breakup as a given. Psychologists say that over time you will even like the feeling of freedom and independence.

How can you tell if addiction is developing in a relationship?

The main signs can be noticed at the very beginning of the development of this pathology. In the early stages, coping with it is quite simple, and it is not at all necessary to separate from your partner.

What are these “alarm bells”? Psychologists recommend thinking about the nature of a relationship with a man if it contains the following:

a sharp loss of interest in what is happening around, a change in one’s own habits and tastes;
panic fear of separation, the thought of such a possibility terrifies;
aggression towards people who criticize a partner or consider the relationship not particularly successful;
idealization of a man, forgiveness and justification of any of his actions;
severe mood swings;
the desire not to be separated for a second.

Of course, these signs are also characteristic of intense love. Accordingly, having discovered their presence in your relationship, you do not need to get upset and resort to any drastic measures. And of course, we must not forget that before you get rid of your addiction to a man, you need to make sure that it exists. Otherwise, you can lose true love and become lonely and unhappy.

Method 5: Look beyond the positives

Think, and if necessary, even write down what shortcomings your passion has.
While you are dependent, you concentrate only on the positive traits, turning a blind eye to the person’s disadvantages, sometimes significant. Perhaps you will realize that he is not suitable for you at all, and direct your energy in a different direction. Remember that there are no irreplaceable people. Unreciprocated love or a relationship with a bad partner should not ruin your life. Put yourself at the center of your attention and act in your own best interests. Subscribe to our channel on Yandex.Zen and Instagram

How to make sure that you are dependent on your partner?

How to understand what prevails in a relationship - love or dependence? In the virtual space you can find many different tests, and in glossy magazines you can find articles devoted to this issue.

But should you blindly trust them? The nature of every relationship is unique. What becomes a pathology in one couple, in another indicates love and respect. It is impossible to measure specific feelings with generalized concepts. Attachment to a person, participation in his life, passion for his interests, manifestations of care and respect - this is not a pathology.

How can you test your relationship without harming it? Psychologists recommend spending some time apart. We are not talking about a weekend, but about a much longer period of time. Moreover, you should refrain from constant phone calls or communications via the network. From a distance, things become apparent that cannot be seen up close.

If a woman is sad and strives to send photos of the surrounding landscapes, tell a man about the interesting place she is in - this indicates love. But if your hand automatically reaches for your smartphone to find out what shirt a man is wearing, whether he ironed it, what he took with him for lunch, what time he returned from work, these are symptoms of addiction.

Out of sight, out of mind

Folk wisdom may work literally for some people. But in most cases, breaking up does not mean falling out of love. It is impossible to forbid yourself to love; emotions do not turn off with a click. Don’t scold yourself if at some point you give in and agree to see each other again to clarify the relationship. Just start again.

Whether you cut off in one fell swoop or gradually reduce communication to nothing, it will hurt in any case, be prepared for it. At first you will feel pain every second, in a week - every minute, in a month - every hour, and time will pass when you are surprised to discover that for several days you have not even remembered this man.

How to cope?

How to get rid of addiction to a man? Is it possible to solve this problem on your own? Do you need the help of a psychotherapist? These and many other questions interest every woman who believes that she is dependent on her partner.

Psychologists advise approaching this problem step by step and rationally. This is very difficult; not every woman can “turn off” her emotions. For this reason, you may need help from other people. When talking with someone, it is much easier to abstract yourself from your experiences and look at the problem from the outside.

First you need to understand your socio-psychological role. They are rarely pure; as a rule, all three types of behavior are present, but one dominates, the second complements, and the third appears rarely, in exceptional situations. You can understand which role is the main one by analyzing an ordinary weekday; you should not think about reactions that arise in extreme situations.

After this stage, you need to begin analyzing characteristic sensations. For example, if a woman is a “victim,” what does she experience? Horror at the thought of separation? Fear of not ironing your shirt well enough? Is she afraid of the prospect of being abandoned or physically beaten? Is she unable to make decisions? Doesn't she want to be responsible herself? Does she consider herself unworthy of this particular man? Does it seem to her that her inner world is boring, but his is beautiful?

The list of questions is endless. Each woman has her own feelings and there are a lot of them. In order not to get confused in them, an initial definition of the social role is required. Based on the general enumeration of characteristics, we can identify the main, basic pathological emotions, for example, fear of loneliness.

After this, you need to understand when and how these sensations appeared. As a rule, they are not caused by a man. He acted as an “alarm clock”, which raised already existing complexes, fears and inclinations from the depths of the subconscious. In other words, you should fight precisely with these psychological problems, and not with your partner.

Of course, further actions depend on what emotions the woman experiences. One needs to get rid of fears, another needs to get rid of the addiction to manic control, and the third needs to get rid of feelings of self-doubt.

This is a complete plan on how to get rid of emotional dependence on a man and not find yourself in it again. After all, as a rule, women make the same mistakes in their relationships with different men. Having experienced the pangs of parting with one person and having managed to meet a new love, ladies often fall into addiction again. The reason for this cyclicality is that they fought not with the causes of the phenomenon, but with its symptoms.

Differences between love and addiction

Love addiction is a strong passion. It is a psychological problem. Many people mistake addiction for true love and do not know how to overcome this feeling. In fact, there is a difference between addiction and love.

The first causes a desire to keep the other half under control, and is characterized by a strong feeling of jealousy. The second is trust in your loved one.
With love addiction, there is a desire to live not your own life, but the object of adoration, needs fade into the background. The main thing is the desire of the partner. After some time, a woman begins to notice shortcomings in her beloved, but is no longer able to part with him. This condition is often characterized by lack of self-confidence. In love, the needs of both partners remain.
Love leaves individuality behind people when, in dependence, one person demands from another to become the way he sees him.
If this is love, then the couple spends time together, both enjoy it, and get bored when apart. With addiction, suffering begins in the very first hours of separation.
Love influences the development of a person as an individual and allows him to improve himself. If there is an addiction, then the addict loses himself as a person and becomes confused. Often addiction turns out to be unrequited, feelings are only on one side.

How to understand that a woman is dependent on her partner and needs help?

The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is full of ambiguities, the absence of common patterns and unified approaches to emerging problems. For example, how to distinguish a woman in love, who is at the very beginning of a relationship, from an addict? How do you understand where the line ends between the desire to get to know your partner and the loss of your own self?

Of course, women themselves almost never notice how their feelings for a man develop into dependence on him. However, the people around her, friends, and relatives may well see an emerging problem and help the woman understand and overcome it at the earliest stages.

Although each situation is unique, all women prone to addiction show a number of the same signs at the beginning of its formation. Psychologists list the following among them:

inadequate reaction to criticism of a man, no matter what it concerns;
quick and absolute falling in love, after a couple of weeks of dating the woman is ready to run down the aisle;
the predominance in conversations of stories about how perfect and ideal a man is, delight in his every action or word;
complete loss of objectivity, the girl seems to be “under the first impression”;
increased attention to a man’s appearance, to his neatness - blowing off specks of dust, adjusting his collar, tie, cuffs, hair;
the manner of staying slightly behind a partner, even if people are holding hands.

In other words, although the motives for typical manifestations of addiction are different, all women demonstrate these signs. Therefore, looking from the outside, it is not so difficult to understand that a lady is prone to pathology.

Do what's right for you

There is no universal recipe for how to stop loving a married man. It is unlikely to predict in advance what will help you recover from a destructive relationship. Really, do whatever you want - if it helps. Don’t look back at “what will people think”, forgive yourself for this past - yes, you fell in love with an unfree person. And this love brought a lot of suffering. So now you are determined to say goodbye to the past and make way for new relationships that have a future. And you can do it!

What can cause addiction to form?

Advice from psychologists on how to free yourself from love addiction to a man, as a rule, begins with an explanation of the need to identify the causes of the pathology that has arisen. It can, of course, only be determined individually.

The most common, main reasons for the tendency to depend on a partner, psychologists include the following:

difficult childhood - difficulties in the family, authoritarian mother, father's alcoholism or something similar;
parental divorce;
inability to define the boundaries of personal space - this is caused by growing up in cramped conditions, in a common room;
categoricalness and severity, a penchant for patterns - this is the legacy of a specific upbringing;
presence of psychological trauma.

Mental trauma can occur in childhood, adolescence or adulthood. As a rule, it is associated with severe disappointment, betrayal or death.

Who is more susceptible

Girls who are overly dreamy are more likely to be addicted to love

Women's psychology is structured in such a way that they fall into love bondage more often than men. But even among the weak half of humanity there are people who are more predisposed to love addiction.

Dreamy, romantic natures, who idealize everyone and everything, live with rose-colored glasses.
Women with low self-esteem and self-doubt, ready to give love to a person for one compliment or smile.
A middle-aged woman who no longer expects anyone to love will begin to grab the right man as her last chance.

What is the point of keeping a diary?

This question arises for most Russian women. Women in the West are accustomed to keeping a diary; it is an integral part of their childhood and youth. In Russia there is no such mass tradition.

Meanwhile, keeping a diary is extremely useful. Describing events, thoughts, and sensations that have occurred, a person experiences them again, but this time meaningfully. That is, a woman, taking notes, is aware of her feelings and reactions. In addition, the diary allows you to compare emotions in relationships at different time periods.

How to get rid of love addiction to a married man. Find new meaning

Dependence narrows the circle of life to a single object - a lover. Expand your horizons and find new meaning in life. It will be useful to volunteer (help the poor, orphans, the disabled, animals, go to cleanup days, plant trees with activists). Find something where you can be useful and enjoy it. In the most difficult cases, it is important that your loved ones support you. Better, of course, is a mother or sister - women who will always understand, hug and say that everything will be fine.

How to define boundaries? What do we mean by this?

Many people are familiar with the concept of an office in the house. The presence of such a room is known from films, books, and someone has encountered a similar room in life. What is its essence? The fact that a person is left alone there is his space.

You need to create something like an office for yourself. Select a corner or room in the apartment that no one will enter. There is no need to combine your space with the kitchen or bathroom. It should strengthen self-esteem, and not be something “incidental”.

The interior in this space should be filled with objects related to the woman’s hobbies and interests. These could be books, porcelain dolls, photographic equipment, drawing supplies - anything. And as soon as a feeling of panic, misunderstanding, fear or other negativity arises, you need to start tidying up your space.

This is a very old and effective way to combat addiction to a man, practiced in East Asia.

As for personal boundaries, this is the definition of your zone of responsibility and comfort, into which a man should not be allowed. For example, you can decide for yourself what breakfast or lunch will be like. You can arrange a mini-garden on your balcony on your own and not consult a man when determining plant varieties. However, you need to understand that making independent decisions is not synonymous with selfishness.

Change your job

If an affair with a married man happened at work, you are at particular risk. The need to see each other regularly, possible gossip and gossip from colleagues causes a lot of pain. It is extremely difficult to fall out of love if the object of love is constantly in front of your eyes; it is even worse if, feeling guilty, he is kind, friendly, or even flirts. The best way is to update your resume and start going for interviews. Perhaps it’s worth aiming for a slightly higher position - career growth has never hurt anyone.

It's better to change jobs

However, if leaving this job is not part of your plans (financially beneficial, everything suits you, career growth is expected or any other reason), and your organization has several branches - analyze where you would like to go and discuss it with your superiors. Probably not immediately, but the issue will be resolved in your favor.

How to find time for yourself?

This is not about visiting a cosmetologist or going to the gym. Time for yourself – a few tens of minutes a day, spent completely alone.

At these moments, you can try to meditate, do breathing exercises, paint a watercolor landscape, think about the book you read. In other words, this time should be devoted to self-development and peace and harmony.

It's important to find a gap in your daily routine that you can stick to consistently.

Hobby

Psychologists say: having rediscovered oneself, a person not only ceases to become attached to people, but also becomes a person - self-sufficient, interesting to others. How to discover something new in yourself? You need to develop your talents and try extreme sports. Be sure to find a hobby; a hobby can occupy not only your hands, but also your head. Over time, you will learn to find joy in crafts or sports, collecting objects or cooking. This will gradually weaken your painful attachment to a man. Try yourself as a volunteer, do charity work. Look around you: the world is full of people and animals who are experiencing difficulties. Helping those who are weaker will make you feel strong and needed.