How to adequately respond to aggression and insults: 3 effective tips from a psychologist + phrases for all occasions

Good day to all! A friend of mine was once addressed for no reason at all: “What are you looking at? Should I punch you in the face?” She was naturally dumbfounded and couldn’t find anything to say. Have you ever been in a situation where you were insulted? How did you react to them, especially if it was completely random and undeserved? The topic of this article is just about this - we will understand in all the details how to react to insults, what to do and respond if this does happen to you.


Go against your impulse

You can think as much as you like about common sense, values, expediency and other similar things, but this will not erase the stereotypical model of behavior from the subconscious and will not even turn off for a while. Therefore, at the first insult or unfounded criticism, you will receive a strong motivating impulse urging you to enter into a skirmish with the insolent person. To do the right thing in this case is to do the opposite. The impulse requires confrontation - remain neutral, requires a retaliatory insult - respond politely, evokes strong emotions - suppress, ignore or balance them.

All types of bosses

Some people are born with the quality of a leader, while others have to learn this quality for many years. A competent leader must be confident, sociable, organized and stress-resistant.

If the work structure is collapsing and clashes regularly occur in the team, it is worth thinking about the professionalism of the boss. There may be a good prospect of taking his place.

Inept bosses not only stop the company's progress, but also destroy relationships within the team.

Below are all types of leaders:

The reptile is a middle-level manager whose mood depends on his superiors. Today he can praise an employee, and tomorrow he can insult him in front of the whole team.

Dictator - hardly anyone likes his authoritarian regime. He doesn’t want to hear criticism and suggestions, everything should be as he says. Often this type of boss cannot be pleased; he will always find something to complain about.

A slob - he does not know how to monitor the team and organize business meetings, events, monitor the progress of work, forgets about the deadlines for receiving a salary, etc. As a result, he lashes out at his employees and blames them for everything.

Sadist - uses his knowledge for negative purposes. He uses all the weaknesses of his subordinate to insult and humiliate him in public. Thus, he instills feelings of fear in others as well.

Artist - does not have leadership competence, so plays the role of a specialist. If he needs to show his power, he will begin to insult employees.

Coward - afraid of any competition, therefore he deliberately destroys competitors by humiliating them.

Father-mentor, mother-director - professionally copes with the responsibilities of a leader, but from time to time he can lash out at his subordinates. The mood is restored quickly, so such behavior does not cause serious damage.

To choose the right answer to your boss, you need to determine its type and analyze the situation.

Abstract yourself

Stop thinking about being insulted, we have already established that it is impossible to do this with words. Remember, when trying to throw dirt at you, your opponent gets his hands dirty, and this dirt simply does not reach you. Therefore, there is no point in interfering. Wait until he has spoken completely, then resume the conversation in your previous polite tone, as if nothing happened.

If you think that others will regard such behavior as a sign of weakness, you are very mistaken. An outside observer will only see that none of your opponent’s “throw-ins” even touched you.

What is insult and what types are there?

How can I determine whether a person has insulted me or not? Let's turn to the dictionary.

Insult is a careless or deliberate humiliation of a person, his feelings, and dignity. Expressed in an indecent form depending on the norms and values ​​of society. They can insult you in writing (comments on social networks can also go “under this article”), verbally, or by some action in front of you or in your absence.

Why is the insult so offensive? It does not affect what you did, made a mistake or said, but directly affects your personality. You are evaluated negatively in a rather rude manner. This is what is considered an insult.

It is clear that you are offended by such treatment of yourself. Understandably, you will want to reciprocate. But! Stop! Is it worth it? Is IT worth it? If a person has “stooped” to the point of immediately, even sometimes without knowing you, giving you an assessment, then should you “stoop” to his level?

Sometimes it is very painful to hear. The brain immediately, in a convulsive mode, begins to look for answering words and draw up a plan for revenge. But think about why you were SO hurt by the words spoken. What specific area of ​​your life was affected that made you react this way? Perhaps you were told this as a child, or is this an area that you have worked hard and long on?

So, decide whether to respond with aggression to aggression and insults or not to pay attention? But if a person needs to make it clear that he is specifically wrong, to carefully put in his place the person who is insulting, this can be done with humor. By the way, a smile and humor are MUCH better weapons than retaliatory aggression.

Monitor the tension in your body

An insult is a demonstrative threat, in response to which the subconscious mobilizes forces, heightens feelings, adrenaline is released into the blood, and the body prepares to repel the attack. At this moment, no matter how you restrain your emotions, non-verbal behavior will signal to your opponent that his main goal has been achieved: you are ready to enter into conflict. Having noticed this, the person will continue to escalate the situation, and you will have to do something in response. To avoid such developments, learn to control body tension, manage it and respond correctly to insults. This is achieved by repeated training of controlled relaxation skills. Having mastered these skills, you will be able to maintain complete disarming equanimity even in the most heated situations.

How to learn to respond to insults and aggression and communicate effectively

Completing training helps you learn how to respond to people’s rudeness and not be afraid. They also teach how to respond to a person’s insult so that he feels ashamed.

The online intensive “Effective Communication” is suitable for:

  1. Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers.
  2. For those who work with clients, middle managers, and freelancers.
  3. To everyone who is involved in raising children.
  4. Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.

The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev, an expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

You will learn:

  1. Communicate with closed people.
  2. Coping with daily problems involving other people.
  3. Influence your environment and much more.

The course lasts 1 month and contains 33 video lectures, 26 exercises, 6 tests + webinars with emotional intelligence experts.

The training consists of 4 blocks:

  1. Emotions. Basics.
  2. Emotional stability and emotional flexibility.
  3. Social efficiency.
  4. Building harmonious relationships.

How it goes:

  1. You are watching video lectures.
  2. Then you complete independent tasks to reinforce the material.
  3. Participate in webinars and discuss difficult issues.
  4. Take tests on the material you have studied.
  5. You complete the intensive course and receive a certificate.

The cost of completing it independently is 1,040 rubles, with a curator – 2,370 rubles.

They will refund your money if you decide within 7 days that the course is not suitable for you.

Keep the reason in mind

Dealing with a provocateur is easiest when you understand what he needs. Understanding your opponent’s goals will help you not to be distracted by his tricks, not to react to negativity and insults, and not to play his game. As soon as direct provocation is directed at you, ask yourself the question: “Why?” You will have to cultivate this skill in yourself through training, because in real life the last thing you want to do is reason when they are throwing dirt at you. However, the result will exceed expectations. Firstly, you will be able to keep a “cool head” longer. Secondly, starting with analysis means inoculating yourself against impulsiveness, since 100% of the stupidest actions are committed in the first seconds, when the blood rushes to the head.

What should I do if I couldn’t respond to humiliation?

It is not always appropriate to respond to humiliation. If you can't find an answer, maybe that's for the best. Often a person does not realize why he insults, he himself feels bad about it, but he does not admit it even to himself. Sometimes silence in response to humiliation “sounds” louder than a microphone.

If you are still tempted to answer, try to do it calmly, without stooping below your dignity and moral principles. When faced with trolling or provocations, the best behavior is to ignore.

I just ask you, don’t make excuses if you’re not guilty. And when you are guilty, you should not make excuses, but apologize. Proving to another person that he is being unfair to you is almost impossible until he himself understands this. Therefore, do not allow yourself to be humiliated by your own excuses.

And also, if there was a conflict with a loved one, you heard insults addressed to you in a state of nervous system excitement and you yourself lost your temper, do not rush to burn bridges. It is much easier to destroy a relationship than to build one again. Try to understand the reason why the conflict situation occurred.

Be a bystander

Insults are always inappropriate behavior; it does not look beautiful in any case, even if the insulter presents himself as a brutal character reveling in permissiveness. But when you yourself are the object of insult, it is difficult to understand; the mind paints the opposite picture, as if the offender looks stronger, taller, better, and you are humiliated by the inability or unwillingness to respond symmetrically. To shatter this imposed mental template, it is enough to look at the situation through the eyes of the viewer and give an assessment to both participants from a third person.

Without swearing in smart words

In most cases, swearing is not necessary to control the situation.
You can silence the offender with clever words. For example:

  • “I recognized you! You are the same actor who played Shrek!”
  • "I hope you're just trying to look worse than you really are."
  • “Your words fully reflect the level of your intelligence.”
  • “I’m allergic to idiots, please move away.”
  • “You don’t need to open your mouth and show me your dirty teeth - I’m not a dentist.”
  • “I would like to fight an intellectual duel with you, but I see that you are unarmed.”
  • “Just because you look terrible doesn’t give you the right to behave the same way.”
  • “Did you come up with this now, or have you been rehearsing it for a week?”
  • “Where did this clown come from in a public place?”
  • “Don’t rush, you don’t need to actively demonstrate to others your lack of brains.”
  • “Don’t worry so much, the day will come when you can still say something smart.”
  • “Today, thanks to you, my knowledge has expanded, listening to you, I learned what the highest degree of stupidity is.”

On a note!

If a work colleague constantly insults you, you need to make fun of his low professionalism several times in front of the whole team. You can also propose to the manager his candidacy for the execution of a task in which he understands nothing.

Don't show fear

Finding fear is the worst thing you can do. For an aggressor, a conflict is an adventure with an unknown outcome. No matter how much he pretends to be confident, in reality it simply cannot be there. Every person entering into an open conflict fears an unpredictable reaction, but only until the victim shows fear or confusion. As soon as this happens, the aggressor calms down, because the frightened victim is not dangerous. Try to learn not to react to hurtful words, quickly pull yourself together and not allow your emotions to show. Cold calm will have the most powerful effect on the offender, as this is a sign of strength.

Write a statement to the prosecutor's office according to the sample or at random

Sample application

The application must be written to the prosecutor's office, because it is the prosecutor who must initiate prosecution under Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation.

The application can be drawn up either in advance according to the sample, or written together with the prosecutor’s office employees on the spot.

When visiting the prosecutor's office, you should already have evidence in hand. If not, we can discuss on the spot how to arrange them correctly.

After the end of the administrative investigation, the prosecutor will take the case to court to bring your offender to justice.

Practice shows that most applicants win.

Make your opponent laugh

Ridicule is felt and perceived more painfully than direct insult, which, against the backdrop of elegant barbs, looks simply pathetic. To subtly laugh at an opponent in response to aggression, you need to have intelligence and a developed sense of humor, while anyone can insult. This behavior is for those who decide to respond and enter into conflict: this is the only way to take a winning position right away. But keep in mind that ridicule can drive you crazy; its object can lose sanity and become dangerous.

Win-win phrases

There are many phrases that will help you emerge victorious from a conflict situation. You can remember the ones you like and then use them for their intended purpose.

  1. “Excuse me, are you finished?”
  2. “What a pity, I thought you were a man with brains!”
  3. “I can say for sure that the image of a boor does not suit you! Although…"
  4. “Dear, please slow down. I'm not your wife (brother, matchmaker)"
  5. “By your tone, one can understand that you have confused the shores...”
  6. “With your behavior, do you want to achieve the truth or a flattering answer?”
  7. “Why would an educated person expose his shortcomings to everyone?”
  8. “Don’t worry about me so much...”
  9. “By getting personal, are you trying to compensate for your lack of intelligence?”
  10. “Thank you for your interest in my person and life in particular. Your call is very important for us..."
  11. “Why are you trying to offend me? Are you an energy vampire?
  12. "Beautiful weather, isn't it?"

There are basic techniques that will allow you to save face and respond to insults with dignity. The most common options are boring, positive, ignoring, calm, gratitude and revelation. You will also need universal phrases that can be used in controversial situations.

how to learn to control your anger and aggression


To insult, to insult someone with anything, to offend, to upset, to sadden and to irritate by word or deed; attack someone, judge someone wrongly, with crooked justice. Forgive the offender and do not remember him. - how to be insulted; | to be offended, upset, indignant at what you consider to be untrue, insult. Don’t be offended by blasphemy, but take it on yourself, won’t you be able to handle it? Insult cf. about. action according to verb. Insulter, -nitsa, offender, upsetr, attacker. This review is offensive and wrong. To offend, to become mournful, sad. to be sad, to be upset.

See also `Insult` in other dictionaries. trans. Cause moral damage, severely offend, extremely humiliate someone. Insult`Dictionary of Russian Idiomatics`

insult • insult in every possible way • deeply insult • cruelly insult Dictionary of Russian Idioms. . Combinations of words with a high degree meaning Academic 2011

Insult "Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary" I insult, you insult. Nesok. to insult. insult`Russian spelling dictionary`

insult insult, -\'I, -\'it

Russian spelling dictionary. / The Russian Academy of Sciences. Institute rus. language them. V. V. Vinogradova. - M.: "Azbukovnik". V. V. Lopatin (executive editor), B. Z. Bukchina, N. A. Eskova and others. 1999.

Insult`Dictionary of synonyms`


See offend... Dictionary of Russian synonyms and similar expressions. - under. ed. N. Abramova, M.: Russian dictionaries, 1999

Insult`Small Academic Dictionary`


-yay, -yay.

nesov. to insult. Small academic dictionary. - M.: Institute of Russian Language of the USSR Academy of Sciences Evgenieva A. P. 1957-1984

Insult"Dmitriev's Explanatory Dictionary"


Morphology: I insult, you insult, he/she/it insults, we insult, you insult, they insult, insult, insult, insulted, insulted, insulted, insulted, insulted, insulted, insulted, insulted; St. insult

1. If someone insults"Kuznetsov's Explanatory Dictionary"


INSULT see Insult. Great Dictionary of Russian language. - 1st ed.: St. Petersburg: Norint S. A. Kuznetsov. 1998

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