Each parent independently or on a subconscious level chooses a certain style of raising children. The choice of style depends on many factors, including the atmosphere in the family, the age of the parents, the character of the child and many others. Conventionally, all parenting styles are divided into 4 types - we will look at the features of each of them right now.
Family parenting styles and their impact on child development
Raising children is the most important task of a modern family. The development of the child’s personality as a whole will depend on what style of family education prevails in the family.
The style of family education is the way parents relate to the child, their use of certain techniques and methods of influence on the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction with the child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child’s personality and problems in his behavior.
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Why you can't assault
- The child is weaker. The child's self-esteem suffers. Even if he begins to obey, it will not add to his happiness.
- The little person begins to be afraid of everything and stops trusting adults. Who else to trust if not your parents?
- Those raised this way easily fall into bad company. Not finding love from the family, they feel more comfortable with the “kind” guys who share a cigarette and then a “wheel.”
- Self-doubt leads to subsequent overcompensation. Trying to achieve something, someone who was beaten in childhood will go “over the corpses.”
Authoritarian style of family education
With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child’s initiative, strictly guide and control his actions and actions. When raising children, they use physical punishment for the slightest offenses, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, and sympathy. Such parents only care that the child grows up obedient and efficient. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, and conflict-ridden. Such children have difficulty adapting to society and the world around them.
Parents strictly monitor the completion of homework by younger schoolchildren, to the point of standing nearby and putting pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. For the purpose of self-defense, children use a variety of tricks, such as crying, to show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose the desire to learn, they have difficulty concentrating during teacher explanations or when preparing lessons.
With their parents, such children may seem calm and dutiful, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child’s behavior becomes uncontrollable.
The influence of an authoritarian parenting style on the behavior of adolescents
As the child grows older, he becomes increasingly intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. In adolescence, frequent conflicts can lead to disastrous outcomes. It is with an authoritarian style of family education that adolescents will generate conflicts, treating others with hostility. Parents always make decisions for the child themselves, thereby suppressing the child’s initiative, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.
Active and strong teenagers will begin to rebel, resist, become more aggressive, and may run away from home. Timid and insecure teenagers with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything, making no attempt to solve their own problems on their own, and will always rely on their parents in everything.
Unlimited freedom and indifference
These two concepts characterize, respectively, liberal and indifferent (or permissive) parenting styles.
The first is characterized by:
- low level of demands;
- absence of prohibitions and restrictions;
- habit of pampering children.
Young children in such families are very susceptible to stress. They are not ready for new circumstances, do not know the word “no”, and respond to any prohibitions with disobedience. If you recognize your model of relationships with children in this description, the situation needs to be corrected. Mental arithmetic classes help you successfully withstand stress, recognize yourself as part of a team, and learn to fulfill the demands of adults. All of the above occurs in parallel with a leap in intellectual development.
Citing busyness or fatigue at work, some parents leave the child to his own devices. They are indifferent to success or failure in their studies, are not interested in sports achievements, their children’s social circle, and so on. Boys and girls in such families acutely feel unnecessary, they develop low self-esteem, a negative attitude towards others, and isolation.
Liberal-permissive style of family education (hypocustody)
With a liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. To assert himself, the child uses whims, demands “Give me!”, “Me!”, “I want!”, and is demonstratively offended. The child does not understand the words “Must!”, “Impossible”, and does not follow the instructions and demands of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead and guide the child.
Liberal parents are caring, attentive, and have close relationships with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express himself, show his abilities, discover his creativity and individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will be taught to distinguish between what is right and wrong. It is difficult for liberal parents to set the boundaries of permitted, acceptable behavior for their children. They often encourage their child's overly relaxed and inappropriate behavior.
How will a child grow up with a permissive style of family education?
As a result, the child grows up to be a selfish, conflicted person who is constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and emotional strong connections with people. At school, such a child may experience frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to giving in, obeying elders, or following laws and rules.
A child raised in an environment of permissiveness is more susceptible to psychological problems, phobias, and depression. Such a child has not learned to control himself and his behavior will have little chance of developing self-esteem. In the future, a child raised by liberal parents will be unable to face life's challenges and will have difficulty interacting socially. Which in turn will lead to the lack of adequate self-esteem and self-esteem. He will conflict with everyone who does not indulge his desires.
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Parental behavior
In simple terms, parental behavior can be divided into 2 options:
- I said so, so it will be so.
- I'm a parent, I'm an adult, so I'm right.
That is, parents do not compromise, forcing the child to fulfill their requirements from start to finish. Their common phrases are: “you must”, “you are an idiot”, “you are obliged”, “you are lazy, stupid, fool”, etc.
As a rule, such parents punish the child for every offense, most often resorting to physical punishment. Any manifestation of initiative is punishable. Desires and requests are not heard and are completely ignored.
Overprotective style of family education
With an overprotective parenting style, parents deprive the child of independence in physical, mental, and social development. They are constantly next to him, solve his problems for him, live in his place. They overly care and patronize him, fearing and worrying about his health. Even when the child becomes an adult, parents continue to take excessive care of him, constantly worrying about him, about his health and well-being.
Overprotection suppresses the initiative, will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, deprives him of independence, fosters obedience, lack of will, and helplessness. With an overprotective parenting style, parents unconsciously inhibit the development of various skills and abilities in the child, the development of perseverance in achieving goals, and hard work.
How will a child grow up with an overprotective style of family education?
The child grows up helpless, infantile, unsure of himself, neurotic, anxious, and tearful. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization.
Children grow up obedient, but at the same time unsure of themselves, their strengths and capabilities, they will always be afraid of doing something wrong, making a mistake.
Some children in adolescence will strive to escape from the excessive control and guardianship of their parents, showing aggression, becoming disobedient and willful.
Overprotection, control, restrictions and prohibitions will develop the child’s ability to be cunning, deceive and secretive. Teenagers will use lies as a means of self-defense against parents who constantly try to control their personal life, which will ultimately lead to alienation from them.
The consequences of an overprotective style of family education are the formation of dependence on others, as well as negative influence from other people. It is overprotection that is to blame for the fact that children grow up to be “mama’s boys.”
Definition of the term
Authoritarian education is a concept of pedagogical actions aimed at the complete and unquestioning submission of the pupil (child, pupil, student) to the educator (parent, nanny, teacher, etc.). This style has both pros and cons.
The concept comes from the Latin word auctoritas - authority, respect, power or influence. The current originated in ancient times.
That is, authoritarian parenting is a method of influence with which an adult completely subjugates a child. It develops lack of initiative in him, suppresses his independence, and prevents the expression of individuality.
Alienated family parenting style
With an alienated style of family upbringing, relationships imply a deep indifference of parents to the child’s personality. Parents “don’t notice” the child and are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. By actively avoiding communication with him, they keep him at a distance from themselves. Children are left to their own devices.
An alienated parenting style is observed more often in dysfunctional families where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs.
How will a child grow up with an alienated style of family education?
Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes the child lonely and deeply unhappy, unsure of himself. He loses the desire to communicate, and may develop aggressiveness towards people.
Teenagers often get into trouble with the law.
Recommendations
- Children need warmth. Don’t be afraid to show warm feelings, talk more often, be interested in the opinion of your interlocutor.
- Distribute family responsibilities. Junior members should have their own assignments.
- It is necessary that the instructions you give look like a proposal, and not a dry order. Any communication must be confidential and emotional.
- The system of prohibitions and punishments is discussed and understood in advance. Any censure is not directed at the individual. A child is never bad. He did wrong, the adult explains why it is wrong.
- A teenager has the right to choose friends and clothes; parents do not interfere in telephone conversations and the choice of music to listen to.
- Forget about old sins, always talk about your current state, explain why you are upset, do not put pressure, do not physically humiliate.
- Love your child, do not hesitate to show this feeling, be sincere, try to take initiative.
Chaotic family parenting style
Some psychologists identify a chaotic style of family education, characterized by the absence of a single consistent approach to raising a child: there are no specific, definite, clear requirements for the child.
A chaotic style arises due to disagreements between parents in the choice of means and methods of education. Conflicts in the family are becoming more and more frequent, parents constantly sort things out among themselves and often in the presence of the child, which leads to neurotic reactions in the child.
Unpredictable actions and reactions of parents deprive the child of a sense of stability, provoke increased uncertainty, impulsiveness, anxiety, aggressiveness, uncontrollability, and social maladjustment.
How will a child grow up with a chaotic parenting style?
The child needs stability and the presence of clear, specific guidelines in assessments and behavior. Parents who use different parenting and communication styles deprive the child of such stability and form an anxious, insecure, impulsive, and in some cases aggressive, uncontrollable personality.
With a chaotic parenting style, the child will not develop self-control and a sense of responsibility for himself and other people. The child will be characterized by immaturity of judgment.
Real examples
The most striking example of a child who received an authoritarian upbringing is Adolf Hitler himself. His father, having retired from the customs service, left unflattering reviews about himself; he is characterized as a very conflicted and arrogant person.
His tyrannical tendencies forced his eldest son, Hitler's brother, to run away from home. Adolf himself graduated with honors from school in Lambach.
After his son escaped, Adolf's father began to drill him, which led Hitler to the same thoughts about escape as his brother, but he did not do it.
However, he channeled his rage and fighting traits into shaping himself as a leader. Already at school he was very different from his classmates, which can be seen even from photographs. And, as one of them said, Hitler was a calm fanatic.
The tyrannical method of education affected the further fate of the German teenager, who later became one of the world's most prominent dictators, destroying millions of human lives.
Another boy who was brought up in this regime was again a German. It was Hans Müller. Despite the fact that he was the only child in the family, his parents kept him under strict discipline. Any violation of the rules was punished physically.
The authoritarian upbringing of the child made him absolutely insecure, lacking initiative, conflict-ridden, with low self-esteem and very hostile. Tendencies towards violence were clearly evident.
On orders from his parents, Hans joined the armed forces of Nazi Germany and the National Socialist Party. At the age of 25, he was accepted into a special unit that was responsible for guarding the Death's Head concentration camps.
When the Soviet army liberated Auschwitz, all the documentation fell into their hands, which described in detail all the atrocities and horrors that G. Müller did to the prisoners.
Democratic style of family education
With a democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help him, take into account his needs and requirements. They express their love and goodwill to the child, and play with him on topics that interest him. Parents allow children to take part in discussions of family problems and take their opinions into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, they demand meaningful behavior from children, they show firmness and consistency in maintaining discipline.
The child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-government and increases confidence in himself and his abilities. Children in such families listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “should”, know how to discipline themselves and build relationships with classmates.
Also, the democratic style of education is characterized by the presence of mutual understanding between parents and children, the manifestation of warm feelings between them, frequent communication and moderate discipline. Parents are attentive to their child, emotionally support him, and create an atmosphere of love and care in the family.
Parents encourage children's independence and personal responsibility in an age-appropriate manner. Parents set rules and standards, boundaries of acceptable behavior and require their child to comply with them.
Mutual understanding between parents and children is achieved through persuasion, discussion, compromise, and arguments. Parents always listen to their child and give the child the opportunity to take responsibility for their actions and actions.
How will a child grow up with a democratic style of family education?
Children grow up as active, inquisitive, independent, full-fledged individuals with a developed sense of self-esteem and responsibility for themselves and those close to them. Children do well in school, are less susceptible to negative peer influence, and are able to get along well and build relationships with people.
The child grows up responsible, independent, competent, self-confident with adequate self-esteem, able to control his desires and, as a rule, achieves great success in life.
Children know that their parents will always be able to listen and help.
Correct, responsible social behavior is formed in a child when parents show justice, care, firmness and discipline.
The democratic style of parenting, according to many psychologists, is the most effective style of family education.
Whichever of the above styles you choose, when raising, take into account the type of temperament of the child.
We have described the main styles of family upbringing, but practice at the Center for Psychological Assistance to Family allows us to identify a number of other types of inadequate attitude of mother to child.
Good manners
Good manners are the result of upbringing. It manifests itself externally (compliance with norms and rules of behavior) and internally (moral attitudes and motives, moral choice). There are two levels of child upbringing.
High level
A large stock of moral knowledge (attitude towards oneself, work, another person, society). Coherence of knowledge with beliefs and motives. Unity of beliefs and actions. A single personal worldview. Developed willpower, goal-setting ability. Bringing things to completion despite difficulties. A person is self-confident, positive emotions and feelings prevail.
Low level
Ambiguous ideas about what is moral and what is immoral. Personal motives diverge from social norms of behavior. Moral knowledge and beliefs are inconsistent. Goal setting is “lame”: goals are unrealistic or situational, and are easily destroyed at the slightest difficulty. The person is anxious and unsure of himself, negative emotions and feelings predominate.
Family education styles and their characteristics according to the type of “maternal” attitude towards the child:
Mother's attitude towards her teenage son as a “replacement” husband
The mother demands constant attention and care from the teenager. The mother constantly interferes in her son’s personal life, limits contacts with peers and peers, and strives to be aware of his personal and intimate life. You can often hear dissatisfaction from a mother about the fact that her son seeks to distance himself from her and avoids communication. In a less crude form, the teenager is assigned the role of “head of the family.”
Hyperprotection and symbiosis
The mother has a strong desire to hold on, to tie the child to herself, to limit his independence out of fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future. In psychology, such an attitude is called the “smart Elsa” complex. The mother downplays the child's real capabilities and abilities, which leads to restrictions and maximum control, the desire to do everything for the child in order to protect him from imaginary misfortunes in the future.
Educational control through deprivation of love
This style of parenting is characterized by demonstrating to a child or teenager the attitude “That he is not needed like this, his mother does not love him like this” in the event of any undesirable behavior, disobedience, or insufficient, in the parents’ opinion, school performance, skills and achievements.
Parents, as a rule, do not directly express their dissatisfaction, do not speak it out, or try to explain to the child why he did something wrong. Parents simply stop talking to the child, ignore him, and talk about him in the third person.
In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude of parents towards him gives rise to a powerless feeling of anger and rage, outbursts of aggression. A teenager with such behavior wants to prove his existence, to infiltrate the family “We”. The parent, out of fear of aggression, goes to peace, or through retaliatory aggression (slapping, beating) tries to overcome the wall of alienation he has created.
Hyperthymia is a persistent high mood, cheerfulness, accompanied by personal and professional activity, increased socialization.
In sensitive children or adolescents, such an attitude from parents creates a deep feeling of loneliness and uselessness. In order to regain the love of his parents, the child is forced to limit his own individuality, sacrifice his self-esteem, depriving himself of his own “I”. In this way, parents achieve obedience by devaluing the child’s personality.
Educational control by inducing feelings of guilt
A child who violates a ban is labeled by his parents as “ungrateful”, “causing his beloved mother so much grief”, “betraying parental love”, etc. In the future, the teenager, under the constant fear of being guilty of the problems of his parents, is forced to fetter his own independence and initiative.
Characteristic
The authoritarian style is characterized, as mentioned above, by rigidity. It includes such educational tools as coercion, orders, threats, criticism and other manipulations that can cause feelings of fear, shame and necessarily guilt.
The ultimate goal is obedience. So that he understands how wrong and imperfect he is, unlike his parent.
Accordingly, to feel shame and guilt for this, which will stimulate him to meet the expectations of the people who “love” him. Who believe that he is simply devoid of will and the ability to make decisions. Unable to manage their activities and make choices.
Violence is not only physical, sometimes the most complex, causing deep psychological trauma, is directly moral. To cripple another person, you don’t have to beat him, you can simply deprive him of his will and constantly criticize him.
4.Indifferent
The most catastrophic type of upbringing is lack of demands + ignoring needs
Essentially, these are single children. Parents don’t care about them at all, and they avoid raising them in every possible way. Often these are depressed mothers, or parents who didn’t really want children and are not interested in caring for them. Children irritate them, so they are not interested in their needs, feelings and desires, sometimes they punish, but not with the goal of showing right and wrong behavior, setting boundaries, but because of their own momentary emotions.
Final conclusions
The method of such education can lead to irreversible, harmful consequences for the child. The violence and pressure that parents exert on their child may forever deprive them of a peaceful old age. And, unfortunately, there will be no one to give you a mug of water.
Therefore, when choosing how to raise a child, it is worth maintaining a balance and equally often praising and instilling discipline in him. The child must feel the support and love of his parents, only then will he become a successful and kind person.
