Every person has encountered this feeling at least once in their life. But for some reason, some experienced a rather painful state of depression and alienation, blaming their own loneliness for all the troubles. Others, on the contrary, experienced emotional uplift. How can the same condition cause such opposite reactions? Let's figure it out!
In today's digital world, where everyone is focused only on their own self, it can be easy to feel lonely. The illusion of visible communication is so ephemeral that it can easily dissolve at any second. And in real life, loneliness, for various reasons, sometimes completely independent of you, may well become your companion. It’s up to you to decide whether to be happy or sad about this fact.
Why men's loneliness is perceived differently
Loneliness is like the smell of a poisonous plant: it is pleasant, but intoxicating and over time becomes destructive for the strongest people. © Friedrich Spielhagen
Women, leading psychologists and men of different ages and social status explain the reasons for male loneliness in different ways. If guys can cite the need to study a lot and build a career, lack of time for acquaintances and meetings, then men in adulthood look for an excuse in the fact that they failed to meet true love. Some position their loneliness as freedom, the absence of any duties and responsibilities. They attribute these concepts to the advantages of male loneliness.
The overwhelming majority of representatives of the stronger sex want to have a stable relationship, an established life, and children at the age of thirty. In their opinion, they can already build their entire future career, a program for their implementation, while being family members. It doesn’t even matter to them whether their marriage will be official, or whether they will simply live together with their chosen ones. The main thing is that men are conscious of the fact that having a family is a must, and they should choose a reliable life partner.
However, the number of young men who have not started a family by the age of thirty is growing every year. They begin to understand that the older they get, the fewer opportunities they have to organize their lives. Very often, men refer to their own shyness, excessive modesty, or even timidity in front of women. They find advantages in this situation, because they have time and energy for professional growth. Thus, young men reassure themselves and focus on prioritizing social status and achieving material well-being.
Inadequate self-esteem
Failures in communication often lead to low self-esteem. It is laid down from early childhood and consolidated in adolescence. Didn't grow fast enough, was weak, too thin or too fat, the shortest in the class or long and awkward. Parents' jokes and classmates' ridicule about these temporary shortcomings lead to the formation of inferiority complexes that inhibit the development of communication with peers. Often such complex young men have difficulty meeting and building relationships with girls. Low self-esteem hinders communication, and uncertainty in behavior repels women. After all, there is a stereotype that the initiative for dating and relationships, as well as invitations to marriage, should come from a man.
Inflated self-esteem also does not contribute to the development of favorable relationships between people. But what kind of woman would want to be next to a man who is categorical in his judgments, considers himself better than others and expects only admiration and a positive assessment of his skills and actions. And their demands on their chosen ones are too high. Any criticism or doubt about their abilities leads to conflict. Selfishness manifests itself in everything, and there are few women who want to babysit them. People with inadequate assessments are difficult to communicate with, so it is not surprising that some of them become lonely over time.
Living alone as a man: an accident or a pattern
Single men increase their self-esteem, become confident, and then strive to maintain their position, the main advantage of which they consider freedom. It’s rare that anyone can say “stop” to themselves and think that it’s time to switch from a career to starting a family. Male loneliness becomes familiar to them and, in their opinion, a natural state.
Successful people who do not strive to fight their loneliness do not conform to generally accepted norms, and become objects of gossip and gossip. They have no need to change their habits, and some of them even consider themselves happy people, which causes bewilderment among others. They perceive them as antisocial individuals and treat them with pity.
If a man is already over thirty, and has never been married or had a permanent long-term relationship, the fairer sex around him thinks that he is “something different.” It doesn’t occur to them that perhaps he was stressed due to his first unsuccessful experience in organizing his personal life. It could be betrayal, disrespect, or the desire to be in charge. Most likely, such men need psychological release, a new acquaintance that will make them forget about past troubles.
Male loneliness, based on the fear of failure in relationships, can end in a meeting with someone who will change the entire world around him and make him look at it with a completely different look. The person will forget about his past, and the desire to live for the sake of his beloved will return to him.
It’s another matter if male loneliness is a source of pride, an integral part of the implementation of a program where the goal is material well-being multiplied by absolute freedom. Such a person cannot be convinced that his ideas and concepts are untenable, and that family life will bring positive changes and moods into his life.
Many women, without meaning to, scare men away with excessively high demands.
They insist that there should be a strong man next to them, who is able to provide for them and protect them from everyday adversities. But if their chosen ones have a vulnerable sense of self-esteem, they may understand that they cannot cope with such a mission, and withdraw into themselves. After all, not every man can take on the financial side. To do this, he needs to earn a lot in order to feel like a real master of the situation.
Male loneliness may also be the reason that a man was very critical of the choice of his half, and was always looking for some shortcomings in women. Some seemed immodest and overly liberated to him, others - bad housewives, and others did not suit their appearance. As a result, such men conclude that there is no, and cannot be, a worthy chosen one, and they begin to get used to bachelor life. It never occurs to them that the reason for this situation is their difficult character, pickiness or selfishness.
Communication problems
The ability to communicate is a lucky gift that few people receive from birth. Men, due to the peculiarities of the organization of their brain, experience difficulties in mastering words and, accordingly, in communication.
How many troubles happen in a man’s life because of his inability to communicate with women. The problem of communication is the main one and cannot be solved for many of them. How to meet the girl you like, how to inspire sympathy, trust and a desire to continue acquaintance and start a relationship? The lack of communication skills, which are determined both by the conditions of upbringing in the family and by temperament (type of nervous activity) and character, becomes an insurmountable barrier in relationships with women. After all, they love sociable and confident men.
How a man can prepare himself for changes in life
To rethink his attitude towards his personal life, a man should take a blank sheet of paper and write on it the advantages of male loneliness, its negative aspects, and directions for further action.
- The idea that a person should come to terms with his loneliness is untenable. He cannot, and should not, be alone, and all the “calming” theories about self-sufficiency are not confirmed by anything. This is a manifestation of escapism; instead of finding the right solutions, a person moves away from the problem, withdrawing even more into himself.
- Changing your condition means gaining faith in yourself and your strength. You cannot justify failures in your personal life by lack of masculinity, the necessary financial condition or gentleness of character. You should be determined to take decisive and courageous actions, otherwise you will never be able to overcome loneliness.
- When changing yourself for the better, you should not choose a path that will lead to the development of aggression, anger, and even cruelty. After all, being a man does not mean behaving like a wild male. This is an extreme that should be avoided. It is much preferable to become fearless, but at the same time noble and restrained, purposeful. You need to get rid of the negativity received as a result of previous failures, and not transfer it to new pages of life. All relationships should start from scratch.
- If a man positions himself as weak, soft and compliant, and does not want to change anything about himself, it is worth reconsidering the approach to choosing his soul mate. After all, you can meet strong and self-sufficient women who prefer to have just such partners. Loneliness will be over, and the rest of the development of the relationship will depend on the two of you.
- Those representatives of the stronger sex who are afraid to be around more successful women should set the goal of achieving career and professional growth, which will put both on the same level. This is a rather productive approach that will serve as an additional incentive for a man’s development.
Significant other
A person attracts the people he deserves. And this is not some kind of prophecy, but a real fact. A person always chooses his environment from a type that he considers attractive. Male loneliness is an indicator of bad choices. But if a person does not change, then over and over again he will step on the same rake. You've probably noticed that most men choose girls of the same type. And this applies not only to appearance. For example, some are attracted to a bitchy character, while others are attracted to reverence and obedience. Some people like bright girls, while others prefer modest ones. It is worth remembering that if you make the same choice all the time, there is no point in expecting different results. If a man got burned by a girl who preferred an open relationship, then there is no point in taking the same rake. It is better to look for a lady who will want to start a family, and not a person who is eager to go out and get a lot of new experiences. Always be conscious when choosing a girl. A lady should be attractive not only on the outside, but also on the inside. You need to pay attention to the interests and values of the lady. If they match yours, consider that you have made the right choice. But in relationships, not everything is so simple. It's not enough to just find the right person. You need to be able to maintain love and make concessions.
How men escape loneliness
Men's loneliness forces them to seek salvation in communication with friends, in sports activities, in clubs and organizations. A person strives to find solace, to feel needed, to find recognition.
With such approaches, solving the problem can only be postponed, because this is only a temporary solution that will not change the situation as a whole. A person will remain lonely both in a circle of like-minded people, in the gym, and at home. Male loneliness will be within himself, and he will not be able to hide from it. The worst scenario could be excessive indulgence in alcohol, casual relationships and dubious companies. A person risks falling into the abyss, and he should come to his senses and reconsider his behavior.
Sooner or later, all friends will start families. Interest clubs will become unattractive, and meetings for intimate relationships with frivolous women will exhaust all mental resources. If we also don’t forget that the years are passing, then in five or six years it will be very difficult, almost impossible, to catch up.
A person cannot be alone. He still needs a companion with whom he would share all his joys and sorrows, on whose support he could count in any situation. Therefore, there is no reason to cling to male loneliness; it has never brought happiness to anyone, no matter how those who are proud of their imaginary freedom and apparent independence try to convince him of this.
Life goals
Any person should know where he is going. If a guy has no plans, his future will seem very murky to him. And this fact will depress a person. Male loneliness after 30 years occurs among insolvent men who have no idea why they came into this world. A person who learns something new every day and strives to realize his plans will be passionate about life. Loneliness will not accompany such a person. A person who communicates with several dozen people every day can easily find a soul mate.
If you still don’t have a purpose in life, then it’s time to find one. Sit down and write down everything you've ever wanted to do. Remember all your dreams - both big and small. You'll take them apart later. If you already know exactly what you want to become, then don’t put off implementing your plan for too long. Enroll in relevant courses that will give you the necessary skills to achieve your goal. And small dreams can become vacation plans. Don't be afraid to take risks and do crazy things. They will help you gain the necessary experience and become an interesting person.
Reasons for male loneliness
Psychologists have written many monographs and dissertations about the causes of male loneliness. Most experts tend to distinguish two groups of single men:
- The first group includes those who remain lonely due to their personal characteristics;
- The second group is people with spiritual characteristics who cannot step over their prejudices.
Every person strives to avoid stressful situations. For many people, new acquaintances bring a number of experiences, doubts, and require significant mental strength. Relationships involve communication, and the man has to talk about himself, about his past life. He will tremblingly await the assessment of his chosen one, because she may not like something in his words.
If he gets a low rating, he will have a desire to avoid new meetings, and the man will conclude that all relationships with the opposite sex will end for him in the same way. It is easier for him to remain alone than to make an attempt to improve his level and still normalize his personal life.
Men can be shy and indecisive by nature, and these qualities are perceived by women as weakness. They treat them with a degree of condescension, thereby exacerbating their desire to never look for new acquaintances. If this happens in adolescence, this psychological trauma can remain for life. The person will become afraid of relationships and will avoid them even in adulthood.
There is a type of man who cannot get rid of psychological dependence and emotional attachment to his mother. They inevitably compare all the women they meet with her, and reject them if they find nothing in common. In their minds, a mother is a model for a future wife, and they are not going to change this position. It will be almost impossible for them to find their chosen one with this approach.
Mother's influence
There are two sides to this issue. So why are men lonely? Many mothers are doing their part. In this case, men either idealize women too much, equating them with their mother. Or they burn with hatred towards them.
Such a man will not be able to live without his mother’s support, without her management. He also depends on her opinion; her word is law for him.
There is another extreme - hatred of the mother, a negative attitude towards her. But on both sides there was inadequate satisfaction of psychological needs from childhood, which means that the mother paid either too much attention to the man or too little. Therefore, such men underestimate the women who surround them.
Loneliness and the development of a single man
And in solitude there are divine beautiful duties, and to perform them quietly is better than to have wealth. © Joseph Haydn
Many men believe that loneliness is an integral component of spiritual growth, a chance to achieve self-sufficiency. They are not distracted by dates, much less responsibilities, from the goals they have set for themselves. Moreover, emotional breakdowns and worries rob them of the strength and time necessary to implement their programs.
If a person believes that all relationships are burdensome for him, and he sees himself only in work, scientific activity or sports, there is no point in dissuading him of this. After all, this way of life is his choice, to which each of us has the right.
The development of a single man is an issue that is hotly debated. Some believe that results can only be achieved with the support of loved ones, while others are confident that one should begin to build the foundation of a family only when the main goals are achieved.
There is no single and correct solution here, because history knows examples when loved ones played the role of inspiring muses, without whom great people would not have been able to create their brilliant works. At the same time, there were situations when, due to unfulfilled relationships, some lost interest both in their creativity and in their whole life.
Lack of knowledge of female psychology
Interest in human psychology has increased in recent decades, but not among men. They live by old patriarchal ideas about women or myths generated by oral male creativity. They do not understand women, and therefore do not know how to deal with them, and do not want to take into account the fact that there are psychobiological differences between the sexes. Similarity does not mean sameness. It is easier for them to be alone, immersed in the virtual world of the Internet, than to strain themselves while seducing a girl. What is this? The elementary laziness of young people to build normal relationships with representatives of the opposite sex.
