Their words often mean nothing and are not worth trusting.
When you promise to do something, do you keep your word? Or are you just trying to calm someone down so that they stop pestering you? Making promises is easy, but much more difficult to keep. For this reason, many people make empty promises and have no intention of putting them into practice.
When you make a promise that you don't want to keep, you are not only deceiving and giving false hope, but you are also deliberately letting down the person to whom you promised something. It's much better to be honest about what you can't do than to get your hopes up and let people down.
If you make enough empty promises, you will develop a reputation as someone who cannot be trusted. In cases where you make a promise and don't keep it, you make people angry and distant from you. At some point, people around you will simply stop believing you.
There are several zodiac signs in the horoscope that are more likely than others to make empty promises and not keep them. The astrology of the personality of these signs explains a lot. If you make a promise to prevent people from giving up on you, then when it turns out that you not only failed to keep your promise, but didn't even try to keep it, you will receive all the hostility you were trying to avoid.
If you think that promises you didn't keep are insignificant and not worth keeping, then this is not so. Even tiny broken promises can be enough to lead to serious consequences. You could lose friends, clients, and even your job because of your lies. To avoid this, it is important to train yourself to keep your word, be honest with those around you, and never promise what you cannot deliver.
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Men who keep their word: how to identify them?
How often do men or women give their word that they will definitely do something, go crazy and fulfill a duty prompted by their heart or circumstances.
Especially often, such vows pour out like a cornucopia during the period of falling in love. But not all oaths and assurances are subsequently implemented. You can often find a type of people, in this case men, because the conversation now is about them, throwing words to the wind without the intention of breaking them or fulfilling them. There are people who, at the moment of giving their word, believe in what they say. They can promise anything and really believe that they can deliver it. But days pass, the fuse goes out and the oaths remain cold words.
Aquarius
Aquarians are friendly and cheerful people, but sometimes show a little selfishness. Representatives of this sign can make a promise only in order to get what they want at the moment. They use promises as currency, and there is no guarantee that an Aquarius will keep their word. They can be good manipulators and are able to justify a given action to themselves as if it was for the greater good.
Sometimes Aquarians behave inconsistently, especially when it comes to promises. If they feel pressured to keep their promise, chances are they won't do it on purpose. Aquarius cannot stand pressure and being confined to boundaries.
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Features of dreamers and empty talkers
In order not to harbor false illusions, you need to be able to understand which men keep their word and which are empty talkers. More often, fruitless promises are made by men and young men of a romantic nature. Poems on dozens of pages, songs about longing and love, walks under the moon and vows are elements of a game that brings pleasure to such a person.
He likes to think and imagine that he is brave and smart, he will definitely get any trophy for his chosen one, but his dreams will still remain dreams. Such people enjoy the fantasy itself, the affirmation of their image in the eyes of others. He does not think about the feelings of other people, which they can hurt with their words. This dreamer needs a fantasy, a chimera, which allows him to feel like a more successful person than he is.
Fish
Pisces, like Libra, have a kind and fair disposition. They literally strive to help anyone who needs support and advice. The problem is that they have a hard time saying no. They agree to everything and make promises left and right. But when the time comes, Pisces are too overwhelmed with their affairs and busy to fulfill even half of the promises they made.
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Pisces are idealists in life, and want to feel like a person who always keeps his word and does not deceive. But reality says otherwise. Only a superman is capable of fulfilling so many promises.
The word is harder than stone
Men who tend to keep their word, on the contrary, are more often practical and silent people. They rarely talk about feelings, do not recognize romantic nonsense and try not to promise anything unnecessary. Those brought up according to the “man said - man did” scheme also try not to give any words, but this does not mean that they do not have any feelings.
In other cases, men try not to promise too much and do only what is feasible, so you shouldn’t believe in blue castles in the sky. Of course, a man is capable of incorrectly assessing his strength and financial capabilities. You shouldn’t label a person a liar if he promised to come and failed to do so, the universe does not revolve around someone’s specific personality and life can throw up unexpected difficulties. But if the promises are constant and something always prevents you from fulfilling it at the last moment, then it’s worth thinking about whether the person is trying to find an excuse not to do it?
What to do if your husband doesn't keep his promises?
Many are faced with a situation where a man promises something, but as a result does not fulfill, does not keep his promises.
When you know that he may forget something, you can remind him, but when he remembers, but for some reason does not follow through, how to behave? What to do? Can someone share their experience in resolving this problem? A man (like a woman, by the way) makes promises in the following cases.
- When he plans.
- When promises are a means of manipulation.
- When promises are not the desire of the promiser, but the desire of the one to whom it is given.
In the first case, a man may not fulfill his promises because he did not achieve the goal, did not calculate his strength, circumstances arose, priorities changed, etc. But the promise was given consciously precisely with the purpose of fulfilling it.
In the second case, the promise is made not with the goal of fulfilling it, but with the goal of obtaining one’s own benefit. As a rule, the benefit always precedes the time when the promise should have been fulfilled. But often it is not fulfilled, because what was promised was not an independent goal.
For example, a man wants to meet with friends, but his wife is against it, then he resorts to manipulation, knowing what can be manipulated.
M: - I’m going to the bathhouse with friends today.
F: - I also want to relax, and you will leave leaving me with the children.
M: - Okay, today I’m going to the bathhouse with my friends, and tomorrow I promise to stay with the children, and you can meet with your friends.
But tomorrow comes and the promise is not fulfilled and circumstances arise. And they are found because the promise was not the goal of fulfilling it, but the goal of achieving the desired benefit for oneself, in this example, going to the bathhouse with friends.
In the third case, the promise is given as a means of resolving a conflict, a promise in order to satisfy the need of a woman who does not accept another option or needs this promise. At the same time, the man himself, again, promises not in order to follow the promise, but in order to change the situation that has arisen here and now, knowing or subconsciously understanding that the promise is not destined to be fulfilled.
Very often, it is these kinds of promises that women face in relationships, because a woman wants to see a man as he should be in her mind, but as he is not in fact.
For example, a walking man, in order to avoid conflict and moral pressure, makes promises of fidelity again and again. The alcoholic, having sobered up in order to maintain a comfortable environment for him, promises again and again not to drink. A man, by his nature and lifestyle, who is not capable of earning more income, promises again and again in the conflict to find a better-paid job. I.d., there can be a lot of examples, and all these examples of the third option are united by the fact that the promise is not a goal, but a means.
What should a woman do?
Evaluate the promises made by a man to determine whether these promises are the desire of the promisee or the desire of only the one who wants to hear these promises.
Do not allow barter-based promises into relationships: “You give me, and I promise you. ".
Do not demand promises, because if a man calculates his strength and has motivation, he must be the initiator of what is expected of him. As soon as a woman begins to express her desires through “Promise me. “, then you immediately need to be prepared for the fact that your desires may not come true, because these are your desires, and not the desires of a man.
As in work, so in words
It is often difficult to identify a man who does not intend to keep his promises; to do this, you need to know him for some time. A sure sign will be his attitude to work - frequent failure to fulfill his duties, the development of vigorous activity in the last few days and indifference. A responsible person will try to keep his word and not make promises if he understands that he cannot fulfill them.
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What makes people break their promises and how to communicate with them further
“False promises are more annoying than outright refusals,” French lexicographer Pierre Boist once said. Each of us has friends and acquaintances who systematically let others down and do not fulfill their promises. Or maybe you have noticed this behavior in yourself. Optionalism often becomes a character trait, but there are different reasons for it. Therefore, first of all, it is worth finding the source of the problem, and only then looking for a solution.
We at Bright Side looked at some cases of optionality to understand where it came from and what to do if someone’s promises are not worth a penny.
What do you call a person who doesn't keep his word?
What does it mean to “keep your word”?
The well-established expression “keep your word” has long been included in everyday verbal usage. The word is a tool for expressing our thoughts. We describe desires, preferences, designate priorities, the boundaries of our personal space. Consequently, the word reflects ourselves, the word is the essence of man.
To keep one's word means to correspond to what has been said, that is, to combine the outer form with the inner. A holistic personality is a harmonious personality, and a person a priori strives for harmony.
We just forget
You seriously promise yourself to meditate in the morning. But then, because of your haste, you forget about your decision. And you remember only in the middle of the day, when you no longer have time. The next morning it happens all over again, you become disappointed in yourself and decide not to try again.
But how are you supposed to remember that the time has come? Where will you be and what will you be doing when you need to meditate or exercise? Leave a reminder sticker visible so it stands out to you. Put a reminder on your phone and computer. If the matter is truly important to you, it is worth the effort.
Before you promise
Before you promise anything, you should think about whether it will be possible to fulfill what you promised? Will it be necessary to live in ri later or will just a little effort be enough? Let's think about it. When a person says that he promises something, obligatory fulfillment is automatically implied. And, accordingly, the other person will count on him. And in this case, neglect will play a negative role, disrupting relationships between people. Therefore, before making promises, you need to decide whether they fall into the category of achievable ones or those that you cannot fulfill.
We are changing the terms of the contract
You're ready to start, but suddenly you feel uncomfortable or tempted to put it off. You immediately set new conditions for yourself: “I’ll do everything, but in 5 minutes, and first I’ll check my email,” “I’m tired today, I’d better rest, and I’ll do everything tomorrow.” These are just excuses.
The habit of changing the terms of your contract with yourself is one of the most harmful when you are trying to develop self-discipline and self-confidence.
Make an action plan in advance: the night before, at the beginning of the week or month. Don't make a decision just before taking action; you'll want to put it off. Instead, promise yourself that you can change the conditions in a week or month.
There are too many obstacles in our way
For example, you want to eat healthy and even made a plan for yourself. But then morning comes, you are in a hurry and want to eat. To prepare a salad, you need to cut vegetables and wash dishes, but making a sandwich is much faster. And similar obstacles arise on the way to any goal. Overcoming them when we are tired or in a hurry is especially difficult. If you have to drive 20 minutes to the gym and clean your room first before meditating, you will probably give up.
Identify what might be stopping you and remove those obstacles from your path. Prepare everything you need in advance. Prepare a healthy meal on Sunday so you can only reheat it on weekdays. Break out your yoga mat and workout clothes so you can change after work and get right into your workout.
This promise
If a difficult promise has already been made, then let's see what can be done. The option “break into pieces, but get it done” is undoubtedly interesting, but not viable. This promise must be kept, but if the situation develops in such a way that it will not be possible to fulfill it, it is better to explain this immediately. Because the more time passes, the more the other person expects to be fulfilled. Moreover, if the matter is urgent, an agreement without implementation can cause a conflict.
They don't respect you
People who do not keep their word not only discredit and denigrate themselves, but are also brazenly rude to those who asked them for a favor. They don't respect you enough to drop everything and bust their ass for help. Self-esteem is what suffers as a result of these insinuations. So I would like to ask these people: is laziness really so charming as to spoil your good name and offend people? How much do you, you bastard, disrespect me, that instead of the promised consultation, you ignore and avoid me?
We give in to temptations out of habit
Temptations surround us from all sides: you are about to go on a diet, and you are treated to chocolate cake, you wanted to go to bed early, and there is an interesting program on TV. But in fact, temptation is just a type of discomfort, and we give in to it out of habit.
Take temptation as a signal letting you know it's time for you to work out. Are you on a diet, and when visiting you are offered sweets? Give it up and take the opportunity to be alone with the discomfort without trying to get rid of it. Feel the pleasure and pride of not giving in to temptation.
Extracurricular lessons
To better understand the problem, try the following:
Describe situations in which you tend to break promises. Take ones that are different in meaning, but typical for you, that is, occurring regularly.
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After this, try to remember similar incidents from childhood and describe them too. At the same time, remember who exactly made demands on you.
Do this exercise 2-3 times a week while simultaneously working through current situations. This will help you figure out exactly how you do it and start acting differently.
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- about the author
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Andrey Petrakov
This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Who to look up to?
Here's a little about strong people. The author of Utopia, Thomas More, did not approve of the behavior of King Henry VIII, his break with Catherine of Aragon for the sake of marrying Anne Boleyn, and in general his violent, loving disposition. Unlike the bloodthirsty princes with the knighthood, he refused to swear an oath to the king as the new Supreme Head of the Church, for which he was accused of treason and separated from his own head.
This is an example of how important reputation is to a person. It would seem that you are a venerable, influential and respected husband of the sovereign, already old, already rich. That you should bend your knees, especially since gout has not seized your joints. But the man was afraid of being branded two-faced. It probably seems absurd to compare such a lump as Thomas More with your acquaintance, who helped you with the design of your website for free, although he promised to help you while drunk. Or with another friend who woke you up at 8 am with his appearance - a week and a half ago you mentioned that you needed to break some kind of wall, and he promised to help. Only you forgot about it, and he arrived with a hammer drill and is waiting for instructions. What they have in common is loyalty to their word and a basic concept of honor. Look up to them if you want to be a man that your friends admire.
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It's better to refuse
When they do this to you, you feel discouraged, like Lebowski after diving into the toilet. The caustic, unpleasant feeling that you have been deceived once again is no less upsetting than when, as a child, for your birthday, instead of a bicycle, you are given a fucking book with pencils. How could it be otherwise, you gave them freedom of action - you are not an overseer or a master, and they are not your serfs. But they neglect this freedom too much. Perhaps there is a good reason that prevented them from agreeing/preparing/doing/helping, but not over and over again. After this, like it or not, respect will be lost. Even if a person has become a victim of absent-mindedness.
Realize it's a problem
First, to change your behavior, you need to recognize that it is a problem. People who have it may not understand how irritating this behavior can be to others and may not see sufficient reason for the enormous level of irritation that others can heap on them. After all, to them it often seems like an almost childish trick. It is important to realize that this time the consequences may be more serious than being put in a corner. Relationships at work and at home can be seriously damaged.
So, first, you need to understand that a person is doing this and admit it.
Say no!" manipulation of obligations!
Why do we need this?
First, let's define what this expression means?
The ability to keep your word is if you promise something to another person, then, despite the difficulties, disadvantages, etc., you will fulfill your obligation.
Why do we need this? Because if you don’t waste your words, others will trust you. After all, it is impossible to trust a person who deceives or does not take promises seriously. If they trust, then they will recognize and respect. In fact, people you can rely on are very few in our world, and they are especially valuable in the business world. Accordingly, your self-esteem will grow, and any relationship will develop successfully.
You will be healthier because the level of stress that the body experiences while being caught off guard by a lie may seem insignificant because a person gets used to it, but it is very destructive and keeps the nervous system in constant tone.
If you have good self-esteem and trusting relationships with partners, it will be much easier for you to realize your needs and ambitions, especially if you enlist the support of people as reliable as you. And they will be reliable, because in your environment they will act in the same way as you, so as not to lose your favor.
Keeping your word will make the process of achieving success much easier. And in general, your sense of self will change when you feel the importance of your words - you will feel your importance, your value and significance for yourself, for others and in general in this world. Now are you convinced that not only the military man is obliged to answer for his words, but also each of us, regardless of gender and age?
We are disappointed in ourselves
When we fail or don't live up to our expectations, we become disillusioned with ourselves and give up halfway through.
There's nothing wrong with mistakes. Learn from what happened and start over.
And when you notice that your mistake is causing you pain and suffering, remember self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up, treat failure as an opportunity to thank yourself for your efforts and learn something new.
