Family parenting styles, their characteristics, pros and cons

The moment when a child appears in a family is also the moment when parents begin to develop their own parenting style. Despite the fact that in nature there are no identical families, there are only 4 styles of raising children. As a rule, parents adhere to one of them unconsciously, without even suspecting that there is a classification, defining characteristics and behavior patterns. The style of behavior with children can change from year to year, for example, parents often decide to enroll in parenting courses or read several books. And yet, most often the style of family education is formed from the parents’ own understanding of how to raise children, what is good and what is bad.

In fact, the character, behavior, and sometimes even the fate of their child depends on what parenting style parents adhere to. The development of children's personality is greatly influenced by the atmosphere in which they grow up, as well as parental behavior and communication style.

Why and for what purpose to use parenting styles

Parenting styles help establish order in the family and choose a strategy for behavior with the child.
But what definitely won’t work is using one single style. Of course you can try. But does this make sense? Each parenting style has both pros and cons. And why not choose the best of them. One style helps to improve the child’s relationships in society, the other teaches independence. And the choice to use a certain style (or several) of education is obvious. However, parents' opinions may differ. But one or another method must be used. And provided that parents know how to cooperate with each other, this will help to come to a unified approach to education. At the same time, using several types at once, you can find your own unique style, which most often happens. But you need to know the basic styles, their advantages and disadvantages.

Authoritarian style

Relationship

in the family are based on strict discipline and the subordination of children to the will of their parents. There is little love in such families, and much is expected and demanded from children.

Approach to education

aimed at the needs of parents. “The child should be seen, but not heard” is one of the main theses.

Child.

All the energy of the younger member of such a family goes into trying to meet the expectations of the parents. He gets used to obeying demands and grows up lacking initiative. At school, he is afraid of getting low grades, but is not motivated to gain truly solid knowledge, and often uses every opportunity to “get lost in the crowd.” Can become truly seriously interested in a school subject with an individual approach - for example, during classes with a sensitive tutor.

Teenager.

There are two options for developing the scenario. In the first, the child rebels and enters into conflict, becomes aggressive and leaves the parental home at the first opportunity.

Second option:

a timid and insecure teenager continues to obey his parents in everything, but becomes secretive and easily falls under the strong influence of his peers, including bad influence.

Result.

The mechanism of external control, based on feelings of guilt or fear of punishment, is the main deterrent for a person raised in such a family. Once the threat of external punishment is removed, his behavior can become potentially antisocial.

Need a tutor?

Choosing a parenting style

All parents certainly want their children to be self-confident in the future, control their behavior, not avoid new situations and, for the most part, be in a good mood. It will be more difficult in life for those who are uncommunicative, afraid of unfamiliar events, trying to escape from them, while being in a sad mood. This happens in a person who has poor self-control and lacks self-confidence.

That is why psychologists recommend that those parents who strive to raise active, sociable and easily adaptable children maintain a balance between control and democracy in family relationships. Both styles must be used in optimal quantities. At the same time, adults must accept the child, as well as his interests, without trying to change them.

The most favorable method

The democratic type of education is considered the most favorable for the development of the future generation. Children get the opportunity to learn to be independent and at the same time disciplined and responsible. The child has his own responsibilities, but his interests are not infringed.

Adults respect the child’s point of view and take him into account when making important decisions. They are aware of the age-related characteristics of the baby and do not expect anything impossible from him. If necessary, parents justify their own requirements and are always ready to hear the child’s arguments. They do not take away his right to choose and at the same time impose a certain responsibility.

The child does not suffer from excessive guardianship; major conflicts do not occur in such families. Children listen to mom and dad, who explain to them what can and cannot be done.

The democratic style of upbringing in the family is characterized by such a feature as moderation. Kids do not show excessive aggression, but at the same time they have excellent prerequisites for becoming leaders. They are able to control others, but they themselves cannot be manipulated. This approach is also called the authoritative parenting style.

Typically, such children are morally stable, purposeful, open and sociable, they easily adapt to social life. However, it is worth mentioning those traits that are observed only in a small part of the offspring in the families described. This is altruism, sensitivity, empathy.

An authoritative style implies respect for the attitudes of the little person. It is important for parents to learn to be friends with the baby without losing their own authority in his eyes, so that the baby can trust them in the future.

Authoritative style: features, consequences, recommendations

The authoritative style of raising children is one of the most common among modern families. Its essence lies in the fact that both parents and children live according to the same family laws. In families that adhere to such a development system, the elders are more loyal to the younger ones, parents listen to the opinions of their children in various everyday or life situations, everyone has the right to choose and vote. Everyone is always ready to help, there is no misunderstanding or tension in relationships, parents are open and happy to make contact with their children. A feature of the authoritative style is the complete absence of any hierarchy; all members of a small social group are equal to each other.

With an authoritative method of educating the individual, the child develops harmoniously; at a more mature age, his talents and characteristics manifest themselves more clearly than with other models of upbringing, and family ties with elders only become stronger. Children whose parents adhere to this model of upbringing grow up to be independent, sensitive, responsible, able to admit their own mistakes and take responsibility for them. They also clearly understand the essence of the concepts of “punishment” and “reward”; they are not familiar with physical (violent) punishment, but this does not mean that they are spoiled. When raising the next generation, such children will never be encouraged to simply and unnecessarily pampered.

Key characteristics of the authoritative style:

Spaces of freedom increase as the child grows and his behavior improves

They expand as a child can grasp them. Parents pay attention to the normal behavior of children, highlight exceptional ones, ignore minor mistakes, and correct and punish major deviations. The rules and goals are clear. This is a style that implies an appropriate emotional relationship. Parents are confident in themselves and are not afraid to communicate with their children, although they are not susceptible to blackmail. They are consistent, not arbitrary. They have patience.. Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:

Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:

High level of self-esteem and independence.
They have adequate habits.
They make decisions calmly and based on personal criteria.
They are less dependent on the peer group, maintaining a higher level of influence in the family and greater ability to persuade children.
They take the initiative to complete new tasks because they are confident in themselves.
Therefore, they are more creative and innovative people.

Psychologists recommend this model as one of the most suitable for education, because when following the rules of this system, the process of both the development of the child’s personality and the re-education and modeling of discipline in parents occurs, which is also one of the main aspects of raising children. The authoritative parenting style is especially suitable for those parents who are completely lost and do not know how to raise their child.

Strict rules - authoritarian approach

Often parents treat their children with great severity, punishing them for the slightest mistakes. The instructions of the mother and father must be strictly followed. The child's point of view is not taken into account. Children are punished for bad behavior without any explanation.

The dictatorial model of upbringing presupposes extremely strict restrictions on the independence of children and a “cold” attitude towards them. Parents believe that this method will allow them to raise an obedient, responsible and efficient person. However, as a rule, the result does not meet expectations.

Using an authoritarian parenting style often has the following consequences:

Children with a powerful inner core begin to actively rebel, quarrel with their suppressive parents, and strive for independence and freedom at any cost. As teenagers, they often fall into “bad” companies and run away from home, expressing their protest.

A child with a weak character is afraid of his mother and father, and experiences a strong fear of punishment. In the future, such children become unsure of themselves, overly timid, joyless and withdrawn.
Some follow the example of their parents and subsequently create families using a well-known parenting model.

Mom and dad who practice dictatorial style should understand that they cannot put pressure on the baby, they need to allow the child to be independent, then he will be able to express himself better.

Characteristic

The authoritarian style is characterized, as mentioned above, by rigidity. It includes such educational tools as coercion, orders, threats, criticism and other manipulations that can cause feelings of fear, shame and necessarily guilt.

The ultimate goal is obedience. So that he understands how wrong and imperfect he is, unlike his parent.

Accordingly, to feel shame and guilt for this, which will stimulate him to meet the expectations of the people who “love” him. Who believe that he is simply devoid of will and the ability to make decisions. Unable to manage their activities and make choices.

Violence is not only physical, sometimes the most complex, causing deep psychological trauma, is directly moral. To cripple another person, you don’t have to beat him, you can simply deprive him of his will and constantly criticize him.

Authoritarian parenting theory

This style implies a complete dictatorship. The child is kept under very strict control, so to speak, “with a tight rein”, prohibiting almost everything that can bring him joy.

If you imagine the “carrot and stick” method, then in this style of authoritarian education there is no carrot at all, only a stick. In fact, the only thing parents do is punishment, which the child is terribly afraid of.

This method has always caused heated debate among educators, dividing scientists into two camps. In the first, they proved that this brings positive results, developing obedience, integrity and organization in the offspring. The latter, on the contrary, spoke out categorically against the authoritarian type of education, explaining this by the fact that such children grow up with certain mental disorders and a completely suppressed will.

So what can actually be identified as the positive and negative sides of this method?

Good father and mother have good children

A small human being needs parental love, which provides him with life and security. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but also performs a support function and affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel cared for. Sometimes he even forgives shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth and detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others end up in bad company and join the ranks of drug addicts and alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior and balance of character are born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

Studying specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of methods and methods of education are necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding and contact are established if the elders are sincere, only in this way will the child feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that influence the development of the child’s personality.

PRINCIPLES OF INTERACTION

A boss who lets the work process take its course risks “earning” a negative attitude from both the team and senior management.

A liberal management style is usually associated with a manager’s negligent attitude towards work and causes negative associations. For some companies, however, a laissez-faire management style is optimal. This choice of leadership style is most justified when working with teams of people in creative professions: designers, illustrators, and so on. In this case, constant control and strict requirements only interfere with the work process. A liberal manager rarely makes proposals, but also rarely refuses if an employee shows initiative, so many ideas and creative plans can be implemented without hindrance.

To successfully work in a company whose boss has chosen a liberal management style, an employee must have the following professional qualities:

responsibility for assignments,
independence to make decisions,
responsibility and initiative.

The leader of such a team shifts all the rights and responsibilities onto the shoulders of the employees, maximally relieving himself of responsibility for the work process and its results, so you must be ready to take it upon yourself.

In any company, it is extremely important for a manager to understand that effective communication affects absolutely all areas of life. Corporate trainings from the Igroks training center will help you find effective tools for your staff and create excellent relationships within the team between employees

A manager who has chosen a liberal management style will also not help with advice or otherwise interfere in the work process, so employees will have to make independent decisions, relying only on their professional skills and experience. A liberal manager also rarely offers fresh ideas, so if an employee is interested in his professional development and the growth of the company, he will be forced to take initiative, show patience and perseverance. The liberal manager himself must always have a “back-up plan” in case he does not come to the rescue in time and the team cannot cope with the task on its own; in this case, as a manager, he is obliged to think through ways of retreat and minimize the company’s losses.

A liberal leader can also be compared to a conductor, a mediator between his superiors and his subordinates. He waits for instructions from above in order to convey them to the team, showing a minimum of personal initiative. In this regard, he must not only understand the requirements presented well, but also be able to convey them to his subordinates without losing their meaning. It is also useful for a manager who has chosen a liberal management style to be able not to lose face in communication with subordinates, to be able to organize work so that he is not accused of inaction.

Summary of the parent meeting “Family Parenting Styles”

Family parenting styles

Each historical era is characterized by its own parenting styles. It depends on what type of personality society is interested in. Many scientists and teachers have paid great attention to the issue of studying parenting styles in different historical eras. Among them is Ya.A. Komensky, I.G. Pestalozzi, J.J. Russo and others.

Under the style of family education

it is necessary to understand the most characteristic ways of the relationship of parents to the child, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction.

A modern class teacher should know family education styles quite well. This knowledge will allow him to determine how relationships develop in the child’s family, what methods parents use to punish and reward, what moral values the family develops, and how parents relate to the child. In the psychological literature, the following styles of family education are distinguished: permissive, competitive, judicious, helpful, controlling, sympathetic, harmonious.

Family education styles are formed under the influence of objective and subjective factors and genetic characteristics of parents and children. The choice of family education style is influenced by:

types of parental temperaments, their compatibility;

traditions of the families in which the parents themselves were raised; scientific and pedagogical literature that parents read; level of education of parents.

Permissive style of family education

From a very early age, parents provide their child with uncontrolled freedom of action. Adults in such families are very often busy with themselves, their own affairs, friends, and work. They care little about spiritual

the child’s condition, they are indifferent to his needs and demands. And sometimes they simply don’t consider it necessary to pay attention to them.

Parents use punishment and reward methods inconsistently and ineptly. They can punish the child and immediately encourage him, as long as he does not get upset and does not interfere with his parents. The main method of education in such a family is carrot and stick. Parents build their relationship with their child in such a way that they involuntarily cultivate in the child a search for the most beneficial forms of interaction with others, stimulating the manifestation in children of such qualities as servility, flattery, and toadying. Children learn early on the science of profit: profitable people, profitable relationships, beneficial solutions to problems for the family. The child is free to choose forms of behavior in such families, but in the company of other people he is required to formally observe the rules of decency in public. Such children have many secrets that they must keep under seven seals, which means that they must be on guard all the time. As a result of such upbringing, a conformal socio-psychological personality type is formed.

Schoolchildren of the conformist type are often known among children as sneakers, sycophants, suck-ups, and braggarts. They do not know how to sincerely sympathize and empathize, they do not like either mental or physical work, they get tired quickly and try to evade work under any pretext. Such students display self-confidence bordering on rudeness. This begins to be revealed already at primary school age and clearly manifests itself in older ones.

Students of the conforming type are not demanding of themselves, but are demanding of others. They have little interest in the learning process, but they are always ready to demand better grades from teachers. They cannot tolerate any criticism addressed to them; they always have someone to blame. They often become the initiators of conflicts, ignoring everything that happens in the class, subjecting them to sharp criticism, but offering nothing in return. However, we must remember that if something is beneficial for such a child, then he can be very purposeful and proactive.

In raising such children, serious attention should be paid to cooperation with their parents, trying to involve them as much as possible in communicating with their child’s peers, inviting them to meetings with teachers, to class holidays, on hikes, and to involve them in the work of the parent committee.

Competitive parenting style

With a competitive style of family education from an early age, parents look for something outstanding and unusual in the actions of their child. The activity of the child himself is constantly encouraged. Sometimes a child receives encouragement not only of a moral nature, but also of a material nature. Parents constantly compare their child with other children and suffer greatly if this comparison is not in his favor. To reveal their child’s talents, parents give the child the opportunity to try himself in various activities even when the child does not want to. Such diversified development, however, is not at all connected with the interests of the child, but with parental egoism. Parents really want to announce at the right opportunity that the child “is interested in tennis, takes vocal lessons,” etc. This often leads to the child becoming confident in his superiority over other children.

In their educational influence on the child, parents use both methods of encouragement and methods of punishment. However, if the child’s behavior goes against the norms accepted in the family, the subsequent punishment can be not only severe, but also harsh.

In their love for their child, parents sometimes do not pay attention to the human qualities of the child. They put the protection of the child from all claims and attacks from other people, including from the school, in first place, without paying attention to whether their child is right or wrong. Parents do not tolerate those who abuse their child and are not afraid to enter into a conflict situation with them, regardless of whether it is an adult or a child.

As a result of such upbringing, a searching socio-psychological personality type

child.

Students of this type can only achieve “excellent” grades. They try to constantly demonstrate their erudition and abilities, so already in elementary school they find it difficult to communicate with other students. The high activity of these children allows them to achieve significant success early; they actively take on any task in the class, as long as they are noticed and appreciated. According to psychologists, these children can be extremely aggressive if the results of their activities are not appreciated or if something does not work out for them.

In a children's group, such students aspire to leadership and like to command others.

Such children deeply experience their mistakes and failures, they have a very developed will, they are disciplined and proactive. Their characteristic qualities are self-confidence, arrogance, selfishness, exaggeration of their capabilities, indifference to the interests of the team, and focus on demonstrating their capabilities. However, if the family, in joint efforts with teachers, helps such children discover the best that is inherent in them by nature, then they will be able to demonstrate such character qualities as sociability, intelligence, self-confidence, self-control and conscientiousness. Therefore, in educating such students, it is necessary to pay attention to the formation of a critical understanding of their actions in various situations, a culture of communication with adults and peers, and the development of the ability to listen and hear not only themselves, but also other people.

The role of the teacher in helping such a family is that he must teach parents to see the strengths and weaknesses of their child, respond to them adequately and correct them in a timely manner.

Reasonable family parenting style

From early childhood, parents provide their child with freedom of action, giving him the opportunity to gain personal experience through his own trial and error. Osh excludes shouting and reproaches from its pedagogical arsenal. The child’s parents believe that his activity should find a natural outlet. In raising a child, they do not use coercive measures and physical punishment, believing that the child can choose an activity to his liking, and they only have the right to give him a recommendation or advice.

Parents and children develop warm and kind relationships. The child, along with adults, takes part in family councils and resolves family situations. Parents make sure that the child’s dignity is never belittled either by strangers or relatives.

As a result of this style of family education, a sensitive socio-psychological personality type is formed.

Parents of such children enthusiastically take part in the life of the children's group. Children from an early age learn to treat the older generation of their family with respect, because this is what their parents do. If in such a family a child commits a bad act, then the parents are in no hurry to punish. They give the child the opportunity to think about what he has done and realize his wrongdoing. Parents help the child understand the problem from the position of another person involved in a conflict situation.

Children in such families grow up inquisitive and active. Already in elementary school, they are well aware of the world around them and are independent, they know how to work without prodding, and they have developed cognitive motivation. When working with such children, teachers should know that these students cannot be bored in class, they need to be active all the time, and an authoritarian management style cannot be applied to them.

Helpful family parenting style

In the process of a precautionary style of family education, an infantile socio-psychological personality type is formed.

One of the reasons for the precautionary style of family education may be the child’s illness from early childhood, and the second may be the parents’ character traits. As a result of the fact that the child is often sick, parents become extremely suspicious and react painfully to any manifestation of his ill health. Parents do not leave their child without attention and care for a minute. A child in such a family is practically deprived of active activity; the parents themselves determine what may be interesting to him, they themselves are the initiators of children’s games, and they themselves regulate his behavior.

From early childhood, parents try to protect their child from any kind of punishment. Very often in such families every whim of the child is satisfied. Parents do everything possible and impossible for their child so that he does not experience any difficulties, especially if they themselves have experienced them in their lives.

Educators should know that parents who use this parenting style are willing to cooperate with those teachers who support them in all endeavors and sympathize with them. Parents pay little attention to the education of moral values.

The teacher should pay special attention to the mental activity of such students. Already in elementary school, they have problems related to educational activities. Their way of thinking is from objective activity to abstraction, and not vice versa. Theoretical analysis causes great difficulties for such children. They perceive educational material much faster if it is presented to the student in the form of a visual image or example.

When communicating with peers, such students are often indifferent, love to gossip and can betray their friend if it is beneficial for them. Such children do not want to work at all, which leads to poor academic performance. They are easily involved in various companies, do not pretend to be leaders, they are not self-critical, and they blame others for their failures. The main distinguishing features of such children are lack of independence and inability to make decisions. They are often passive and irresponsible. However, when they are offered an interesting and unusual activity, their indifference and phlegmatism disappear.

The class teacher of such students must seriously work with the family and create a culture among parents of adequate perception of their own child. Parents need individual consultations with a psychologist, they need to participate in parental effectiveness trainings jointly with their child. An active exchange of views on educational issues, in which parents of other students in the class participate, is very useful.

Controlling family parenting style

In the process of a controlling style of family education, an anxious socio-psychological personality type is formed.

The following reasons contribute to this:

The child is brought up in an orphanage or grows up in a family of guardians, and they treat him harshly.
The child is without his parents for a long time.
The parents themselves were brought up in families in which children were treated quite harshly, and they automatically transferred the parental family’s upbringing style to their own family.
Parents consider the opinions of other people about their children to be significant and consider it the main one in controlling their children.

In such families, the child’s freedom is strictly regulated and controlled. Parents dictate to the child what he should wear, who to be friends with, they themselves determine the child’s daily routine. Younger schoolchildren take this quite calmly, but older students protest against this attitude.

Parents quite actively use methods of punishment. This

manifests itself in a commanding tone, shouting, and physical punishment. Often in such families, children are deprived of parental affection, warmth, praise and support.

Parents do not consider it necessary to listen to the opinion of their child, considering it stupid and inappropriate, adhering to the principle “The egg does not teach the chicken.” They sometimes punish their child demonstratively in order to show the degree of their superiority. Parents dream that their child will grow up to be a highly moral person. But since parents are always dissatisfied with their child’s behavior, children grow up insecure and do not know where and how to behave.

Such children are well aware of their weaknesses; they are completely deprived of the opportunity to demonstrate and emphasize their best sides. Such students have problems in their studies. Their mental activity is devoid of independence, they are afraid of making a mistake. They have very high levels of anxiety.

Outwardly, these guys are different from other students. They are gloomy, suspicious, prone to entering into conflict situations, very indecisive, withdrawn, but they value friendship and are ready to do anything for the sake of friendship. Due to the fact that children feel cruelty towards themselves at home, they become rude and merciless towards other people. They practically do not accept comments and criticism addressed to them. As soon as an adult begins to lecture them, it causes an inappropriate reaction: a smile instead of tears.

The teacher should know that schoolchildren with an anxious socio-psychological personality type are characterized by the manifestation of the following qualities: hot temper, suspicion, caution, low self-esteem, self-doubt, negative attitude towards criticism, lack of initiative. Among the positive qualities we can note: conscientiousness, the desire to help loved ones, the desire to protect them.

Compassionate parenting style

A compassionate style of family education forms an introverted socio-psychological personality type.

The condition for the formation of this style is the lack of material wealth in the family, poor living conditions, lack of spiritual closeness among family members, and the absence of one of the parents in the family. In such families, the child is left to his own devices from early childhood. The lack of interesting gaming material leads to the fact that the child in his games loses the labor operations performed by his parents. The child spends quite a lot of time with his parents, observing their lives. This leads to the child being included early in adult life and working life, actively helping his parents. Such children feel very sorry for their parents because they have to work hard. However, the npi child becomes very focused on the family and its life. He becomes inactive and lacking initiative, his horizons are narrowed. Once in a children's group, such a child behaves warily, looks closely at the people around him for a long time, and does not want to talk about himself and his family. In such families there is no need to use methods of reward and punishment. Children in this environment grow up quite early, they see and understand the difficulties that exist in the family, and the joys that their family lives with. The needs of children in such families are met to the best of their parents’ ability. Children understand this because parents do everything for their children, but within the limits of reason and their capabilities. This suggests that parents love their child, but never spoil him. They understand that the parent’s task is to teach the child to live in the real world, struggling with difficulties and rejoicing in every victory, albeit small, but achieved through hard work. In such families, they try to protect the child from their experiences and sorrows and do not talk about problems at work. Children see and understand everything well, and try to provide support to their parents.

Parents in such families are always grateful to teachers for reasonable help and support in raising their child. And the teacher can always rely on them in his activities; such parents are very happy to be part of the parent committee and support the school and teachers in all their endeavors.

The family tries to be an example of moral behavior for the child. Despite the mistakes that the child may make, the parents stop communicating with the child kindly. For this reason, children also do not like large gatherings and tend to get home quickly after school.

Children of the introverted type are extremely observant, they have a rich inner world, they are organized and responsible, but they are shy, bashful, cautious, even insecure, and do not like to be seen. Such children are efficient.

The peculiarity of these children is that they often underestimate their abilities, but, having set a goal for themselves, they always achieve their goal, despite any difficulties. They always respect moral standards and older people.

The teacher should know that such students have a hard time withstanding criticism directed at themselves and their family, especially if they are unfair. Of all the personality types presented, this type is the most strong-willed. Such children steadfastly endure all the hardships of life and do not try to blame anyone for them. These children are characterized by the following character traits: sensitivity and attentiveness, truthfulness and honesty, politeness and balance. They are distinguished by patience, diligence, self-criticism, and strong will.

Harmonious family education style

The essence of a harmonious parenting style is already in the name itself. A harmonious parenting style forms a harmonious personality type.

In such families, a child is always desired, and parents, long before his birth, think about what kind of person they want to raise and educate. A child is born, raised and grows in a warm and friendly atmosphere. Parents in such families pay great attention to the formation of traditions and customs of their family, which they strictly adhere to.

Children of this parenting style show their prudence and motivate their actions at an early age. Parents require their children to be aware of their actions and actions. They themselves act towards the child motivated and consciously.

Already in elementary school, such children show sensitivity to their peers and an attentive attitude to the requests of adults. A characteristic feature of these children is that they always tell the truth, and if for some reason they want to hide it, they will never let it slip. Such children know how to make true friends, are always frank and truthful when communicating with friends, openly share their problems, and do not hide their true feelings. In all lessons they try to be active, express themselves, and bring something new to the lesson. The studies of such children are characterized by high diligence and responsibility. They are not afraid of any activity. They have very developed self-esteem. Children are not afraid to take their word and keep it. They do not try to resolve a conflict situation from a position of strength.

Such students develop a sense of self-control and strong-willed qualities early on. These students are characterized by the following qualities: balance, intolerance to the shortcomings and ugly actions of other people, truthfulness, sincerity and politeness, reality in assessing their capabilities, self-criticism and perseverance in achieving goals. Such students are distinguished by obedience and compliance, responsibility and self-control, awareness of the dependence of each person on other people.

Of course, it cannot be said that the analyzed styles of raising a child in a family are strictly regulated and the child absolutely corresponds to one of the characteristics described above. However, much of what has been said will help the class teacher build the education process much more efficiently and expediently, avoid mistakes and failures in educational work, predict the mistakes of parents in family education and try to help them overcome them.

Knowledge of family education styles can significantly influence the organization of the class teacher’s work with the children’s team, help create situations of success for many students and overcome problems in the development of some children.

What parenting styles are used by parents?

As you know, experts distinguish four styles of parenting:

authoritarian style (characterized by excessively strict control on the part of parents, suppression of the child’s initiative and will);
democratic style (characterized by a partnership with the child, division of powers, trust and soft control);
permissive style (characterized by non-interference in the child’s affairs, excessive freedom and lack of control on the part of parents);
chaotic style (characterized by the absence of a clear line of parental behavior, unsystematic and inappropriate actions in relation to one situation).

It is believed that the best parenting style is democratic. But it's not that simple. After all, a child is not a robot with a given program, a child is a small personality with his own needs, characteristics and requests, so it is impossible to use only one style. Each child needs an individual approach.

Chaotic and indifferent style

In the case of a chaotic style, parents have different opinions regarding the parenting model. Each family member has their own point of view and considers it the only correct one. Often the mother experiences emotional swings.

In such situations, children become uncontrollable and do not take into account parental demands. They suffer from imbalance and do not feel protected. They want to somehow organize the world around them. As adults, they are usually characterized by irresponsibility and childishness.

An indifferent approach to education assumes the absence of any control on the part of adults. The same goes for the relationships themselves. Parents do not interact with their children in any way, do not engage with them.

Either they work too much or they don't care what their children turn out to be. Everyone is busy with their own personal problems. This behavior causes the development of a negative self-esteem in the child, who feels unimportant and useless.

More parenting styles:

Chaotic

It is also called “inconsistent”. This style is characterized by the absence of a unified approach to education. Such an educational style can be formed due to: parents’ lack of experience, uncertainty, and inconsistency in the actions of adults.

All this leads to uncontrollable emotional reactions - swearing, screaming, crying, unreasonable punishments that do not correspond to the situation of “lisping” with a child. As a result, the child becomes uncontrollable and emotionally vulnerable.

In this case, one of the basic needs of the individual is neglected - the need for clear boundaries, rules, stability and orderliness in the surrounding world. In a child, this situation alternately causes anger, irritation, anxiety, and guilt, which often leads to social maladjustment.

In this parenting style, children explore the world around them under the protection of their parents. Parents believe that children need to be told about what they need and can explore. They are responsible for protecting their child in his learning process. This method focuses on creativity, empathy and responsibility.

Recommendations for parents: Parents should learn to control their actions. This principle of education is not bad if it has at least some boundaries. It is still worth using some methods in education. This will make the task easier for parents and make the child’s childhood calm.

Ignoring

In this case, this style is called indifferent. There is generally no control on the part of parents, as well as the relationship itself. Adults do not pay any attention to their children at all, do not engage or communicate with them. And there are no restrictions. This attitude on the part of the parents arises due to the fact that they are hostile towards their children. All this comes from their psychological trauma.

Recommendations for parents: Parents of this type of upbringing, or rather relationship, need to try to realize that their child is not to blame, and even more so, does not deserve such an attitude towards himself, despite the fact that bad things happened in the parents’ lives. This is your new life, try to give your baby what you missed so much in childhood.

Intuitive

It means that when it comes to parenting, you are likely to follow your intuition or outlook on life. Using this style, parents try to raise their children the same way they once raised themselves. They try to follow the same logic and rules that were applied to them in childhood. Very often this option brings the best results, especially if the parents were raised with dignity at one time. There is no point in worrying about your child not getting something. Most likely, the baby, on the contrary, will grow up to be a very well-mannered, balanced child. Because maternal intuition is very strong.

Recommendations for parents: sometimes you shouldn’t rely on intuition alone. It's better to have an idea of what methods exist. But whether to use them or not is up to everyone.

Positive

This method involves the use of common sense based on strong family foundations and principles. At the same time, children grow up in a loving, warm, supportive, caring and positive atmosphere based on respect and trust. Parents develop their child's worldview and build their child's self-confidence to prepare them for life's unexpected circumstances.

Advice for Parents: A parent's role is to guide and inspire their children to believe in themselves, to control their own destiny and not to follow someone else's tune. It is believed that with this style of parenting, children have the best prospects for developing a positive mental attitude, good character traits, productive life skills, positive self-esteem and a happy and prosperous life.

Sometimes the relationship between parenting style and behavior can be very weak. And sometimes it's the other way around. However, it still exists and sometimes it is very useful to use educational methods in the family. The main thing to remember is that there is no ideal parenting style that will help you give your child everything that he and you dream of. But the child’s future depends only on you, so learn to analyze your behavior and what would be appropriate in any situation.

This is interesting

Finally, we have come to the most successful style of family education, thanks to which harmonious, independent people who are not isolated from society grow up. Authoritative parenting is balanced, parent and child accept and understand each other. To some extent, this type of parenting is similar to the liberal one, but there is one significant difference: raising children is not left to chance, but takes place under sensitive but unobtrusive control.

An authoritative style of family education implies that the child is an independent and original person. The family communicates with children, imposes moderate disciplinary demands, provides love and support, sets expectations, but does not force them to achieve goals.

Adhering to this style of family education, parents strive to talk with children, explain requirements, discuss problems and omissions. To avoid coercion, adults give logical, reasonable arguments and defend their rightness.

What are the consequences of raising a child with authority in a family?

If a child was lucky enough to grow up in a family where an authoritative parenting style was used for children, most likely he is an independent person who knows how to make decisions and is not afraid of responsibility for his actions. He is distinguished by his ability to set goals and strive for them, is not afraid to take initiative, and builds relationships with the people around him based on respect and mutual understanding. He knows what a compromise is and how to find it, and also, having his own opinion, accepts the opinions of the people around him.

If your parenting style is democratic, we won't give you advice. You already show miracles of understanding your child, adequately assess his capabilities, and play an active, positive role in his life.

Minuses

Since the child’s freedom is elevated to an absolute level, and his needs and desires are always satisfied, such children are very spoiled. And if inside the family with its attitudes this can somehow be solved, then outside - in kindergarten, school - personal freedom turns out to be a not very pleasant side for both those around them and the children themselves.
The absence of any prohibitions can ultimately play a cruel joke on the child. Solid rules for kids are like beacons by which they navigate; they must be immediately identified. Children raised in a liberal style do not understand that freedom is, first of all, responsibility; they do not know how to be demanding of themselves, and they themselves suffer from this. Such children are emotionally unstable and, when faced with prohibitions, can respond with aggression, hysterics, and sometimes become depressed from the “imperfection of the world.”
The conviction that “everyone is obliged to accept and love me” is crushed by severe disappointment. Demanding exclusive treatment, children face harsh opposition and experience difficulties in communication.
Growing up, a boy or girl turns out to be infantile, irresponsible, and completely unadapted to the realities of life. They think that solving their problems is the job of others. Often such young people cannot complete their education and in adulthood still live with their parents (which is not always fun for the latter, since the invasion of their personal space by grown-up children does not cause delight).
Natural disobedience, which arises from the lack of boundaries and punishments, becomes a subject of trade. Does it bother Dad that I play catch while he's working? Let him give you some candy. Moreover, over time, the stakes grow, and sweets are no longer enough.
Confidence in one's own uniqueness gives rise to inflated expectations from life for the most ordinary actions. For example, a child may think like this: after all, I go to these boring lessons every day, for this alone I should be given an A. As adults, such people will expect a promotion for simply going to work every day, and a diamond ring for cooking.

Overprotection

The overprotective type of parenting is characterized by the position of adults “the child is small, so you have to do everything instead of him.” This attitude towards a child often occurs in families where the baby has been expected for too long or the pregnancy has been difficult. Parents have invested so much in waiting that they cannot afford for anything to happen to their child. Therefore, they indulge all the child’s whims and blow away specks of dust from him.

Infantility and capriciousness, when the child is used to everything being decided and presented for him;
Irresponsibility: decisions are made by adults, which means they are responsible;
Inability to take care of yourself: cleaning, washing, ironing;
Inability to compassion: the child is accustomed to taking into account only his interests, and not others;
Inability to accept alternatives and hear refusal.

It is difficult for a person overprotected by his parents to live independently, build relationships and make career breakthroughs, since he lacks coping skills, determination, and self-confidence.

First of all, understand that a child is a person who will sooner or later be left without you. The task of adults is to make every effort to teach him to cope with his life on his own.
Distribute responsibilities: each family member must do something around the house, including your child. This creates responsibility and removes the question of the child’s exclusive position in the family.
Let's give them the opportunity to do things on their own that are age-appropriate: make the bed, collect toys, do homework, or go to the store. It is independent actions that build self-confidence and the desire to do more;
Don't control every step. The child himself must learn to draw up action algorithms and be responsible for them.

Get busy with your life. Overprotection occurs due to the absence of an adult’s own life. Show interest in something other than your child. This way you will give him more freedom and fill yourself with something exciting. This way you will teach him to love himself.

Excessive guardianship is a sign of an adult’s lack of self-love. We unconsciously do for others what we lack. Think about it and start taking care of yourself: make yourself happy, engage in hobbies, go on vacation, go on a diet, go to the movies. This will allow parents to live an interesting life and not turn their child into an infantile with whom no one wants to communicate.

Providing freedom and supervision

Authoritative parents ensure that their children get the freedom they need, but also monitor their situation. They do not allow their children complete freedom, since complete freedom may allow them to be derailed from their goals or distract them, however, for minor decisions and some actions, they give a certain degree of dependence.

For example - Your child wants to go to a party with his friends. You ask him about the meeting location, what time he will be back, and whether drinks will be involved (since you wouldn't allow an underage child to drink). If you feel something is unusual, ask his older siblings or one of your family members or your neighbors to keep an eye on him while he is away.

And who is to blame?

Parents, according to Eberhard, owe much of their fear of strictness to psychologists and psychiatrists, who described in color and paint how strict upbringing cripples children.

For example, John Bowlby's theory of attachment is not in doubt, but many take it almost to the point of absurdity. And parents are afraid to send their child to a nursery early, so as not to injure them.

But you are unlikely to have met a child who was more attached to the teacher than to the mother (we do not take into account dysfunctional families).

Photo source: lamp.im

Disadvantages of authoritarian parenting

Lack of individuality. As a child, a person lives the life of his authoritarian parents, and not his own. Growing up, he knows nothing about himself: what he is like, what he wants, what he dreams about and what he is interested in. With an authoritarian style of work as a teacher, there is no individuality in the classroom: all children are practically the same, with similar thinking and views, as well as a fear of expressing themselves.

Low self-esteem. A person who is constantly criticized and shamed usually does not grow up with a good opinion of himself.

It is important for a child to be told from childhood that he is good and loved, then everything will be fine with self-esteem.

Deviant behavior. Girls from authoritarian families often grow up shy and timid

The situation with boys is different: they rebel, defending their right to an independent life. This often results in aggressive behavior, addiction to bad habits, theft, and self-harming behavior.

Dependence on the opinions and behavior of other people. The child is constantly afraid of doing something wrong: saying, dressing, deciding, choosing. Because he is worried that he will be judged, as they do in the family. As a result, he cannot express himself, communicate confidently and calmly with other people, especially with those older than him. He often does not have his own point of view, because he was not allowed to do so at home, and becomes a conformist: he accepts the views that those around him currently accept. So he can easily fall under the influence of destructive teenagers, afraid to express his opinion.

Not being able to say the word “no”. In the family, no one listens to the child; he is not allowed to refuse anything. Growing up, a person often has to stand up for himself. But a child from an authoritarian family cannot do this. Therefore, various problems arise: from the inability to refuse to work extra time without pay to your boss and getting married without love, to taking drugs just because you couldn’t say “no.”

Lack of initiative. An ideal performer grows up who is ready to do whatever he is told. But in the modern world, in order to live successfully, it is important for a person to be noticed; sometimes it is necessary to take the initiative.

Neuroses and mental illnesses. A person who grew up under constant psychological pressure has practically no opportunity to grow up mentally and neurotically healthy.

My recommendations as a parent and psychologist

Strive for a democratic style of education. In any situation, try to hear yourself and your child, learn to negotiate with him and discuss family matters. Even if he is still young, give him the opportunity to make age-appropriate decisions.
Give the right to choose whenever possible.
Set healthy boundaries: “hitting guys and calling them ugly names,” “no one should push you.”
When expressing dissatisfaction with your baby, direct it to the action, and not to the child himself. Not “you’re a whiner,” but “I really hate it when someone whines.”
Assign responsibilities in the family to the child in accordance with his age: water the flower, feed the cat. Let him get used to being responsible for his own affairs from an early age.
Give your child more freedom, even if you are worried about him. Try not to tell your child phrases like: “you won’t cope,” “you won’t succeed anyway,” “you’ll fall.” It is better to support and talk about your faith in him and his strength.
Explain to the child everything that interests him. Sometimes very unexpected questions are asked, in this case you can take a time out, but then be sure to discuss them in an accessible language.
Do not use physical punishment under any circumstances and try to raise your voice as rarely as possible. These actions create fear in the baby and also demonstrate the powerlessness of the parents in front of his behavior.
Spend as much time as possible in a cozy, warm atmosphere: read books together, hug, watch your favorite films and cartoons, walk and do creative work together.
Try to maintain friendly relations in any situation, so that the child knows that no matter what happens, his parents will always support and understand him.

Family influence

What are the features of raising children at home? They are directly dependent on many factors. If we consider the ideal option, then mom and dad, brothers and sisters, as well as loving grandparents should be near the baby. The process of raising children in a large, friendly family leads to the fact that they certainly grow up to be self-confident people, capable of solving assigned tasks and adhering to traditional spiritual values.

However, life often makes its own adjustments. One of the peculiarities of raising children in single-parent families is the lack of male influence. This is an extremely negative factor. It is worth noting that the father’s role in raising a child is quite high.

His presence is important not only for boys, but also for girls. A mother in a single-parent family needs to provide her child with an example of positive male images

In addition, the baby must have the opportunity to observe and communicate with his grandfather, uncle or older brother.

Sometimes a preschooler has both parents, but no brothers or sisters are expected to be born. These families have their own characteristics of raising a child. The main common mistake parents make in this case is excessive care and guardianship over their child. An only child often grows up to be an infantile person with inflated self-esteem. Subsequently, it becomes difficult for such a person to establish normal relationships with his peers, spouse and work colleagues. Parents raising an only child in the family should remember these dangers. To prevent narcissism and selfishness from becoming the main character traits, psychologists recommend creating certain conditions for raising children.

At the same time, it is important that such children always have communication with a group of peers. But it is worth keeping in mind that the best way to avoid the development of narcissism and selfishness is the birth of a brother or sister

There are a lot of problems in raising children in a family. After all, the features of this process are changeable and sometimes simply unpredictable. The fact is that throughout life, various circumstances, the financial capabilities of the family and the health of its members change.

At the same time, it is important for parents to use practical pedagogy and find an individual approach to their child. This will help overcome the difficulties of upbringing

But at the same time, we should not forget that the behavior of parents and their attitudes aimed at the child makes a significant contribution to the formation of the growing personality. This type of influence is called parenting style. Let's look at this in more detail.

Liberal model: characteristics

Freedom. Adults adhere to the slogan: “Freedom is everything.” Therefore, they take absolutely no part in raising their child. He has no restrictions. He does what he wants. The main thing is to be happy. Only such absolute freedom is more reminiscent of permissiveness, which leads to anarchy.
Equality. There is no pressure or manifestation of power, each family member is in the same conditions. Everyone is equal to each other.
Lack of control. The baby gets the experience he needs. Therefore, if he wants to learn something, he must come to this decision himself and figure out how he can gain knowledge and skills. That is, there is no control over his actions. He climbed somewhere, which means he needs to satisfy his curiosity and no one will interfere with this process. Therefore, this style of parenting is also called permissive.
Lack of support. Are there any difficulties or problems? Decide for yourself, gain experience. No one will fuss and correct other people's mistakes.
Adoption. Adults do not place any hopes on their child. They accept him as he is. Do you want to be a cleaner, and not like dad, a business manager? Well, please, it’s your right, since you see your calling in this profession.
Confidence. You can discuss any topic without fear of being scolded or denied information on any issue. Again, thanks to acceptance, he may seem imperfect, with a lot of shortcomings, but at the same time he will still remain a beloved son or daughter. Without experiencing rejection or devaluation, which inspires a lot of trust.

Liberal style

Liberal (or indulgent) parents give their children too much freedom and do not hold them accountable for their actions. Typically, in such families, children have the rights of adults, but few responsibilities. No norms of behavior are imposed on the child; balanced independent decisions and self-control are not required or expected from him. Liberal parents play a leading role in the relationship with the child; they do not adhere to traditional methods of education, do not show strictness and try to avoid any confrontation and conflicts. Therefore, indulging parents raise dependent, emotionally immature (infantile) children who behave poorly and are responsible for their actions. Liberal parents are usually overprotective of their children, always open to communication with them, and are often perceived by the child not as parents, but as friends.

Parents who practice a liberal parenting style value their child highly, consider his weaknesses excusable, trust the child’s opinion, and are not inclined to prohibitions, restrictions and control.

Main characteristics of the style

Liberal parents:

do not impose any rules and norms of behavior on the child;
the rules of conduct they establish are often inconsistent;
show care (often excessively) about the child and openly demonstrate love for him;
often act more like friends than parents;
may try to “bribe” the child with toys and gifts to behave well.

Consequences

Children of liberal parents:

characterized by a lack of self-discipline;
sometimes they lack social skills;
can be selfish and demanding of others;
often lack self-confidence due to a lack of boundaries and guidance.

Liberal parenting style: pros and cons

A recent study found that permissive parenting styles increased the likelihood of underage drinking and drug use; Teenagers raised in liberal environments are three times more likely to become alcoholics than their peers. Research also points to a strong relationship between permissive parenting styles and poor school performance, as parents show little interest in their children's education and do not engage in discussions with them about various topics. Other negative consequences include sleep disturbances and a lack of security.

Unmet psychological needs result in children not being able to fully participate in society, which impedes their social development, self-esteem and positive self-esteem.

The influence of parenting style on the formation of a child’s personality

Parenting style largely determines a person's destiny. First of all, it influences the nature of relationships in the family and forms the first stereotypes - concepts that a person will rely on throughout his life.

In the future, parenting style can affect other things:

independence and responsibility;
self-esteem and future implementation;
school performance, desire to achieve;
attitude towards people and the opposite sex.

Liberal style of pedagogical communication

The liberal style of a teacher has many similarities with the liberal upbringing of a child, since the goal in both cases is the same - the development of certain traits.

This style does not involve familiarity, distance must be maintained, this is a mandatory rule. But the liberal style of the teacher implies respect for the student, the absence of condescension and disdain.

The result of the liberal style of pedagogical activity is the formation in the student of respect for himself and, as a result, for others, as well as an understanding of his responsibility and the significance of the decisions made.

The advantages of a liberal communication style are always respect and perception of a person as an equal, seeing in him potential and the ability to think and make decisions independently.

This statement is true in relation to leadership, teaching, raising children and any interpersonal relationships.

Nurturing style

Relationship

in the family are built on the desire to protect the child from all problems. Parents are always there, always helping, always worried that something will happen to the child.

Approach to education

represents overprotection caused by fear of loneliness or unhappiness. In fact, the choice of this style speaks of an obsessive need for psychological protection, first of all, of the parent himself, and not of the child.

Child

, accustomed to excessive care, can become obedient, diligent, “a gift for parents.” However, behind the external ideal picture there is often hidden self-doubt and fear of making mistakes.

Such children may have difficulty adapting to the first grade and worry excessively if something doesn’t work out, for example, mathematics. They often need serious preparation for school with a tutor or speech therapist.

Teenager

continues to need the usual care and protection, which gradually suppresses his will, energy and cognitive activity, develops obedience, lack of will and helplessness, and inhibits the development of perseverance in achieving goals and hard work. The child does not have time to master the necessary skills and abilities in a timely manner. Overprotection can also turn into another extreme: aggression and self-will in response to control.

Result.

A protective parenting style leads, on the one hand, to an excessive exaggeration of one’s own importance, and on the other, to the formation of anxiety, helplessness, and delayed social maturity in a person.

Here are some tips to help teach your child independence.