Love. How many feelings and emotions are associated with this simple word. Every person. There are so many people, so many varieties of love in our world. After all, everyone feels and sees it in their own colors and shades, and as a result, not everyone knows how to understand whether you love a person or not? After all, people sometimes cannot describe this feeling in words, cannot draw it in a picture, cannot play a musical instrument, cannot dance... And if someone managed to do this, they showed only a small part of their great feeling.
Crush: phenylethylamine*
This chemical is located in the core of the brain - the amygdala. It promotes the expression of emotions such as sympathy and love attraction.
According to the psychochemical hypothesis of researcher Michael Liebowitz), phenylethylamine is produced in the brain the moment a person meets someone he likes. At the same time, we are overcome by emotions and excitement, the cause of which is precisely phenylethylamine. Note that this theory has not yet been fully confirmed by scientists.
Phenylethylamine is present in chocolate, sweets, and diet drinks. However, the substance is very quickly destroyed and broken down even at the initial stage of digestion. For the state of love, it is phenylethylamine that is secreted by the brain itself, that is, endogenous.
Love symptoms
Symptoms are spoken of in cases where we are talking about painful conditions. Therefore, there will undoubtedly be people who find it offensive to compare falling in love with an illness. But from a chemical and physiological point of view this is exactly the case. WHO added falling in love to the list of health disorders back in 2008. So what will indicate falling in love from a practical point of view? Of those parameters that can be measured, the level of adrenaline that is more than 10 times higher than normal attracts attention. By the way, this amount is three times higher than the level of adrenaline during myocardial infarction. Other manifestations include insomnia, obsessive thoughts about the object of love, increased heart rate, headaches, fluctuations in blood pressure, and stress.
Likes: pheromones
In 1959, entomologists Peter Carlson and Martin Lusher proposed to call pheromones (from the Greek phero - carry and hormao - excite) substances that an animal releases into the environment and which cause certain behavioral reactions in another animal of the same species.
In animals, the power of pheromones is very strong, in particular, it is pheromones that allow males and females to find each other and engage in sexual contact.
Androsterone (or androstenone) is a male sex hormone derived from the hormone testosterone*. It is found in urine and sweat. The smell of this hormone attracts women in the middle of their cycle, but not the rest of the time. Men always find the smell of this hormone repulsive. Scientists believe that this androsterone increases sexual attractiveness and helps attract the opposite sex.
Copulins are hormones similar to androstenone, but only in women. This substance attracts men.
Humans, unlike animals, control their feelings and behavior, so the power of hormones over us is not so strong. Research confirms that participants did not experience romantic feelings or sexual arousal when they inhaled these substances. However, many people continue to believe in the magical properties of pheromones, and the production of perfumes with pheromones has been put into production.
How to know that this is love: the position of psychologists, men and women
How to understand that you are loved? Millions of people ask themselves a similar question. After all, everyone wants to be confident in the future and in their partner. The question is quite complex, and to answer it, you need to consider the opinions of both specialists and ordinary men and women.
Psychologists' opinions on feelings of love and affection
There are many stereotypes in society. For example, from childhood, girls are instilled with the idea that a man should seek her hand and heart, like a fairy-tale knight. And many guys expect unquestioning obedience from girls in relationships - for the stronger sex this is often proof of love.
How to understand that a person really loves you? Psychologists say that all people are different, and the manifestation of feelings is purely individual. A notorious egoist and a compassionate altruist with experience cannot love equally. Character traits leave a serious imprint on manifestations of affection.
So how can you tell if a particular person loves you? Psychologists recommend paying attention to the following points in your partner’s behavior:
- Plans are being made for the future with your participation. Simply sympathy does not give reasons to think about trips, weddings and children. If they regularly make it clear to you that they are looking forward to a future together, then the person is clearly serious. This is love, right?
- Attention and care are shown not only in words. How to understand that you are not being deceived, but truly loved? When a person constantly inquires about your affairs and health, it seems that he is thereby showing serious feelings. Is it really? Of course, everyone appreciates the attention. But is it complemented by real actions? If you are sick, then a loving person will not only ask about your well-being, but will also come with medicine even at one in the morning and cook you chicken broth.
- Respect and loyalty are common signs of love. If they love you, they not only try to get attention at any cost, but also show respect. Your opinion is valued and taken into account, not insulted and sometimes tolerated. Loyalty is an integral part of deep feeling. Otherwise, why do you need love at all, when you can switch to someone else at any moment?
Each person has his own idea of love. How do you understand that someone has fallen in love with you? Pay attention to your actions and caring attitude, and listen to your heart. The superficial tinsel of compliments, gifts and loud words is a wrapper. Your job is to discern the essence of a person and his true intentions.
Peculiarities of behavior of guys in love
Men and women are very different not only in physiology, but also in their behavior when in love. For the fair sex, some male actions are often inexplicable. Any girl, especially an inexperienced one, wants to know for sure how to understand whether a person loves you or not. Guys cannot completely hide their emotions, so the following signs will help reveal their feelings:
- A man often spends time with you. Guys are drawn like a magnet to the object of love, so their long absence from him is simply impossible. If a man appears nearby under any pretext, justifying himself as a coincidence, then most likely he is truly in love with you. Show him signs of attention and wait for a frank confession.
- The guy is not afraid of meeting his parents. How to understand that he is in love? A man who is serious about you will not be afraid to meet the most dear people in your life. If a guy does not have deep feelings, then there is simply no need for him to burden himself with meeting his parents.
- He's clearly taking the initiative. A man asks you out on a date not once a week, but every day. Gives flowers with enviable regularity, despite being ignored. The guy is ready to pursue you at any cost. This perseverance is an indicator of a serious attitude and love.
Such signs distinguish real feelings from fleeting sympathy. Even young girls should pay attention to them if they are puzzled by the question of how to find out that a boy has fallen in love with you. Love can happen at almost any age, and people become real men from birth.
How to understand that a girl is in love?
Women are quite cunning creatures and can easily hide their feelings. It is more difficult for them to take the initiative, because in society it is accepted that the man makes the first step. To determine a woman’s heartfelt affection, you need to take a very careful look at the girl’s behavior. So, how to understand whether this beauty loves you or not:
- She shows concern. Women are designed in such a way that they long to warm a loved one under their wing. This is how nature intended it. So don’t be surprised when suddenly one of your colleagues treats you to a delicious home-cooked lunch.
- The girl trusts secrets and asks for help. How to understand that a woman has fallen in love with you? She treats you like a close person, and that’s why she expresses her sorrows to the fullest. When a girl loves, she begins to automatically trust her chosen one and see in him support and support.
- She takes into account your preferences. A truly loving lady will find out everything about you and take this information into account in further communication. Don’t be surprised if suddenly tomorrow you find yourself in front of that much-desired latest model DVR or some other dream gift. Also, a woman will not wear trousers if you prefer girls in skirts and dresses, and will not douse herself in perfume if you have allergies.
Many men are puzzled by the question: “How can I understand that she loves me?” But point-blank they don’t notice almost direct hints from the woman. Try to take a closer look at your chosen one and analyze the communication again. Maybe you don’t notice the obvious signs of a woman’s falling in love?
Mood: serotonin*
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter - one of the substances that is a chemical transmitter of impulses between nerve cells in the human brain.
This substance increases muscle tone and increases physical activity. Serotonin improves mood, and its deficiency causes depression.
Serotonin production is promoted by carbohydrate foods such as bread, bananas, chocolate, table sugar or fructose. This indirectly confirms the prevailing assertion in society that people with a sweet tooth, as well as overweight people, are kinder than thin people.
Signs to Rely on with Caution
1. The time you spent with your partner is the best of the day. Depends on how things go with the rest. It’s good if you are happy with your life and your partner only makes it even better. It’s bad if you don’t like everything, and communication with him is only outlet. It's time to get on with your life.
2. You put your partner's interests above everything else. It’s good if you really care about his desires and needs and pay attention to them without destroying yourself. It's bad if you sacrifice your needs or evaluate yourself only by your ability to make your partner happy.
Your anxiety levels are significantly reduced
The feeling is similar to that which occurs after an excessive amount of alcohol - oxytocin is produced in your body, it reduces your ability to restrain yourself, making you a more confident and open person. Oxytocin is called the "love hormone" and is released through skin-to-skin contact and causes your brain to experience more intense love. Scientists have found that this hormone acts on the brain in the same way as alcohol. It can significantly reduce a person’s anxiety. It is not surprising that in different languages of the world there is an expression “intoxicated with love” - it has very real reasons. At the early stage of a relationship, this state can be very useful; it helps you relax and trust your chosen one.
Several ways to understand if you are in love
Of course, we would need some kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.
Method No. 1. Test
Can't understand your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:
- Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, do you want to wish him pleasant dreams?
- Are you trying to make him happy?
- Do you feel good and calm next to your chosen one?
- When you think about him, smile, blush and get excited?
- Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
- Do you consider him the best man (woman)
- You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
- Does being separated from him for a long time worry you?
If you answered a confident “yes” to all the questions, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. If you feel unsure about the answers, it’s worth thinking about it. Remember that the test should be taken in your normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.
Method number 2. Pros and cons
A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. This way you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.
Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one made of? Advantages or disadvantages? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good attitude towards your partner.
Method number 3. Meditation
It is more comfortable to sit in a soft chair, on a carpet that is pleasant to your body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. It is easier to enter a “trance” by focusing on your own breathing.
Having calmed down and detached yourself from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you want to come up, kiss, hug, or run away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of your loved one appears.
Method number 4. “He is no more”
Quite a cruel, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (no need to get hung up on this idea). Or perhaps you've never dated at all. What are you thinking about? Are such representations comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of a thing or person when we no longer possess it. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.
Losing your own identity
In many ways, psychological frustration after a breakup is due to the fact that during the relationship we integrate a partner into our identity. Many people look at themselves through the eyes of a lover and borrow his vision for self-identification and for building a picture of the future. Taking one of the main elements out of this picture causes us to experience a feeling of destruction of the self-image and a loss of control over our lives and confusion.
Often we grieve not so much for a specific person, but for the picture of our “self” that he allowed us to build. Awareness of this fact helps to shift the focus to working on your condition.
The question “who am I?” - a normal existential question for singles and married people, polyamorous people, young people and old people. Its complexity forces us to look for an answer - in activism, creativity or philosophy. It just sounds louder in moments of crisis.
Use this moment to reflect on what you expect from life and who you want to become. Otherwise you will fall in love again, and there will be no time for existentialism.
How long does falling in love last?
Based on experiments in which people of different sexes and ages took part, it can be determined with a high degree of probability that the duration of the entire cycle of reactions characteristic of falling in love almost always falls within a period of 3.5 to 4 years. This is also confirmed by the statistics of divorces, most of which occur before a couple has crossed the five-year mark of family life.
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You may experience sweaty palms, increased heart rate, and flushed skin.
The body produces hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine, which have a stimulating effect, so you may experience a range of symptoms similar to those experienced when faced with a challenging task, such as speaking in front of a large audience. According to experts, the feeling of falling in love can lead to a physical feeling of lack of something and a desire to focus all your attention on a specific person. However, thanks to the oxytocin described above, such concentration does not cause discomfort at all. On the contrary, a person is happy from the excitement that overwhelms him.
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On what basis do we choose the object of our love?
As a rule, this is a combination of physiological and psychological factors. But at the very first stage, the chemistry of love comes into play again. In the nose of every person there is a gland that secretes pheromones: copulin in women and androstenol in men. There is also a special vomeronasal organ, or Jacobson's fossa, which is designed to perceive pheromones. But we choose the person whose genetic code is most different from ours. This is extremely important information, because the combination of unrelated genes produces healthier offspring, which has been confirmed by numerous studies in this area.
