Nothing is happening in my life. Why is this and can it be changed?

Greetings, dear readers!

“Nothing works out in life. Everything goes wrong! Not as we would like” – I hear this very often from my clients.

That’s how I decided to title this article. It is part of a series of publications devoted to life crises.

The last note was about the fact that there is no happiness in life. So this is its continuation.

There are many reasons for bad luck and failure in life.

In this article I will describe only 3 of them. This …

  • Wrong chosen path in life
  • Perfectionism and procrastination
  • Negative life script and limiting beliefs

Other reasons for various problems and failures in life will be presented in subsequent publications.

But first, let's define...


How it happens

A common symptom is dissatisfaction with life. With what we have. By what is happening. Often poor mood and health. Anxiety, irritability, depression, poor sleep. The worst option is when a person takes on something, but does not complete it.

Or he just can't do it. It's like someone is plotting. It gets in the way. Puts a spoke in the wheels. Then the person says: “I’m unlucky. I am a loser!".

The second option: something seems to be working out, but somehow it’s crooked or something. Half, with imperfections. With flaws. Then all this stretches out for many months or years. Sometimes there are problems, sometimes something is wrong. And a person always remains dissatisfied with the state of his affairs and with himself. Or even life in general.

Third option: everything seems to be working out. And even as it should! But neither the process nor the result brings joy. A person is tormented by vague and obvious sensations that “everything is going wrong.”

However, with any of the three options, a person often experiences disappointment. He is in constant doubt. He wants to change everything, but doesn't know what. Many people, driven by emotions, in the heat of the moment and out of despair, do rash and thoughtless things. They quit their jobs without finding a new one.

Or, for example, they get divorced, cheat, leave for someone else. But they are wrong. They leave for another city or country. But not very successful. They quit their old job and find a new one. And again unsuccessfully. They begin to explore the dark worlds of drugs and alcohol. Or they fall into the clutches of other addictions. This is already a completely sad chord.

It’s just that you can’t escape from yourself. Some people just give up. Some return to the original and simply live out of habit. Others continue to struggle, but the result is zero. Or it gets worse.

So what's the deal?

3 main reasons why

why is everything askew

  1. Wrong chosen path in life

Or living outside of your purpose. When a person lives contrary to his inclinations and natural gifts. Forgetting about your interests, about your needs. Obviously, this is like someone else's life. That’s why everything falls out of hand and little happens. The person is unsuccessful and dissatisfied with himself and life.

Often such feelings arise even when a person is outwardly quite successful. Achieved a lot. But he is dissatisfied with all this. There is emptiness and dissatisfaction inside.

It seems to him that everything he has achieved, everything he has done is not what is really needed.

And it all starts in childhood. Quite simple and banal. When parents, with good intentions or due to their own pathological inclinations, deprive the child of internal and external independence. Or, on the contrary, they indulge him in everything. Or they don’t care about the child at all. In any case, they make him out to be a neurotic. Then he forgets his inner voice.

Stops relying on himself, but follows the instructions of external authorities. At the same time, by the way, he may think that he is completely free and autonomous in his actions. But this is an illusion. And she is often accompanied by neurosis.

Then youth. Choosing the wrong institute, the wrong specialty and profession. They often go where their parents say. Or following the trends of modern trends and fashion.

Many people make mistakes when choosing a life partner. They choose according to direct prompts from loved ones, often parents. Or according to social stereotypes and behavior patterns. That is, again, relying on someone else's opinion.

This is not the way for you. Here's someone else's life.

  1. Perfectionism and procrastination

It is quite clear that if you try to bring all your undertakings to the ideal, then soon you will not succeed. This applies to both the sphere of relationships and work, career, business and hobbies. It's simple. The perfectionist deep down fears that he will not be able to complete the task.

That is, to do everything perfectly. This fear of failure is what prevents you from moving forward and succeeding. If a perfectionist tries to finish what he started, he is always dissatisfied with the result. And he always thinks that he is a failure, that nothing will work out for him. This is where things start to get out of hand.

Procrastination is usually the flip side of perfectionism. And also the result of low self-esteem, natural laziness, lack of self-confidence, low motivation, fear of success and achievements.

A procrastinator constantly puts off tasks, problem solving, life decisions and choices. Naturally, he doesn’t succeed in anything in life or only half succeeds.

  1. Internal conflicts

This is a confrontation within a person of two or more contradictory attitudes, thoughts, feelings, desires and aspirations. Such internal confusion and confusion.

However, there is also confusion in life. When it is not entirely clear what is right. And what not. What is good and what is bad.

Most often this brings great suffering. So strong that it can lead to neuroses and other psychological problems. What happiness and success there is here.

It is worse if such internal conflict is not realized.

A classic example of an internal conflict: “between” I need and “I want”, between what is “forbidden” and what I really want.

Or this example. Difficult experiences during crisis periods of life: between the life you dream about and everyday reality, with its stubborn laws and principles.

A more down-to-earth example. A person has the option to move to another job. They pay more there. There are more prospects there. But the old one has a good team, a calm and familiar atmosphere. So much for the conflict between old and new.

Another example. The girl has a tense relationship with her mother. Mom constantly controls her, constantly sticks her nose into her affairs and personal life. The girl is patient. Her internal conflict unfolds between the rule of respect for the authority of parents and adults (you can’t contradict your mother and swear at her). This is on the one hand. With her other inner nature, aimed at development and freedom.

The life of those who have such conflicts pulsating inside them can hardly be called happy. As a rule, it is also filled with contradictions and conflicts.

Many of my clients say that this is: unsuitable, strange life, life, strange people, wrong job, wrong friends... in general, everything is wrong.

Inside a conflicted person, there seems to be a Saboteur. He is also the Inner Critic at the same time. Another self, so to speak. It is this same Saboteur who puts a spoke in the wheels of a person’s life and success. All the time prevents him from finishing what he started.

The question clearly arises:


Fate: a set of accidents or a conscious choice?

There is an opinion that a person receives his fate in the same way as a player receives cards. There is no logic or meaning in this. It’s just that some people are destined to be rich, beautiful, healthy and successful, while others are destined to be exactly the opposite. And here we cannot help but touch upon the issue of reincarnation. From the perspective of one life, it is truly difficult to explain why one has everything from birth, while the other has nothing. This cannot be explained otherwise than by a coincidence.

But if you look from the perspective of past lives, everything becomes clear. In Buddhism, there are such parable stories as “jatakas” - these are short stories from the Buddha about his past lives and the past lives of his disciples. And there you can clearly see that there are no accidents; the seeds of causes, sown even many incarnations ago, sprout consequences even after hundreds of years.

You can give an example with a movie. Imagine that you went into a cinema where a film is already showing and you see a fragment of it. How much can you understand from the plot of a film if you watch a five-minute clip? Hardly. And in this case, we can truly say that everything that happens to the heroes is an absurd accident. But if you watch the film in its entirety, it often becomes clear why everything happens the way it does. We are, of course, talking about some films with an adequate message, and not just action films where everyone kills everyone without any meaning. It just doesn't happen in life. Everything is much more complicated.

It is important to understand that we live in a mathematically fair world, where everything that happens always has a reason, and this reason is always logical and understandable, if, of course, it is found. The problem is that modern mass media (dis)information forms in us the so-called “clip thinking”, that is, the inability to look at the situation three-dimensionally, tracking certain processes over long time periods.

We are used to assessing the situation from the here and now. Now we are not talking about the popular recommendation to “stay here and now” - we are talking about something a little different. We are talking about analyzing the situation, based on the search for the reasons for what is happening and a full understanding of the consequences of one’s actions. If we learn to look at the situation this way, then we won’t have to talk about any accidents.

Make a to-do list and daily routine

Depressed people are often disorganized and incapable of planning. Answer yourself honestly, how often do you literally write down your to-do list for today? How often do you write down your goals that you want to achieve throughout the week, month, year? Yes, the habit of writing down all your plans and tasks on paper is the lot of well-organized people who rarely suffer from apathy, depression, or lack of desire to do anything.

Organizing your life does not mean squeezing it into a schedule. You yourself are free to choose what to put on this list; no one can force you to do it. But if you don't write down your tasks, your brain is under enormous pressure to keep them in mind throughout the day, constantly. As a result, you will forget something anyway, after which you will experience even more stress and negative emotional stress.

The second factor that is important for every person is to realize or feel the degree of fulfillment of goals and objectives. Often we cannot remember everything because we try to do everything quickly and move on immediately to something else. So cross every completed goal off your list. When you see with your eyes how much you have done throughout the day, month, year, you will feel proud of yourself. If not, you will understand which direction you need to move, which will also be useful.

Reading books will help get rid of apathy

Numerous studies prove that reading is the best antidepressant. During the study, scientists were able to establish that patients under stress, after 6 minutes of reading, were able to relieve their stress level by 67%. No other method could achieve such results.

The book is the best invention of mankind. Thanks to reading, you can improve your cognitive abilities, increase your resistance to stress, and reduce anxiety. Books from some publishers have a motivating message, they contain real experience that you can use absolutely free in your life.

After such books, many become more energetic, as they change their attitude towards what is happening. If they previously thought that it was their life that had failed, that they had problems, then looking at life through the eyes of the reader, and experiencing literally every line, they understand that everything that happens, although not trifles, is definitely not a disaster, and it is worth living further, appreciating every minute, every moment.

Get moderate exercise

Scientists have noticed a very strong relationship between depression, apathy, lack of desire to do anything and physical inactivity, that is, an inactive lifestyle. It is quite rare to find a depressed athlete. Today's sedentary lifestyle, which has become the fate of most office workers, as well as students, entails many negative consequences. Among the most dangerous are hormonal imbalances, negative effects on the cardiovascular system, musculoskeletal system, and central nervous system.

One study found that just 15 minutes of running or walking reduced depression rates by 26%. In general, any exercise can reduce stress and depression. During sports, the brain is actively fed with oxygen, the pressure that provokes attacks of fear, increased fatigue, and drowsiness is relieved.

Physical exercise reduces the level of cortisol in the blood, which accumulates during stress, lack of sleep and excess sleep. It can cause mood swings, feelings of sadness, fear and anxiety. Therefore, regular exercise in various physical activities is simply necessary when you absolutely don’t want to do anything. The safest and most beneficial types of physical activity were:

  • Fast walk;
  • A ride on the bicycle;
  • Swimming.

Why you don’t want to do anything: the main reasons?

Before you improve your psycho-emotional state, as well as get rid of your reluctance to do anything, it is important to find the reason that causes this condition. To do this, you need to do a little self-test. Among the most common reasons that cause such feelings may be the following:

  • Chronic stress;
  • Lack of vitamins and minerals;
  • Hormonal disbalance;
  • Apathy;
  • Depression;
  • Emotional burnout;
  • Procrastination;
  • Chronic fatigue;
  • The presence of foci of disease in the body.

Next, we will consider in detail tips on how to get out of this state without medications, based on many years of experience of psychologists. Try to apply all the tips, as one method will not be enough.

Watch your vitamins

Loss of strength, emotional fatigue, lack of desire to do anything, constant drowsiness may also indicate that there is a deficiency of vitamins and minerals in the body. This factor most often manifests itself in the winter-spring period, when the percentage of plant foods is reduced significantly. Which vitamins affect our condition most acutely:

  • Retinol (A). Responsible for maintaining mucous membranes in a healthy state, preventing allergic reactions caused by fungi, bacteria, viruses. Strengthens cell membranes, making it more difficult for other microorganisms to penetrate them.
  • Vitamin D. Responsible for good mood, vigor and mental balance. Produced in the body as a result of skin contact with sunlight. In winter, almost every person without taking dietary supplements is in deficiency, which, of course, affects mood and can cause apathy, a feeling of laziness, fatigue, and lack of motivation.
  • Thiamine (B1). Responsible for youth and the ability of brain cells to renew themselves sufficiently, can stimulate energy production and have a beneficial effect on the nervous system.
  • Inositol (B8). Stimulates energy production in the body, normalizes blood flow, which allows the brain to be nourished and maintain a healthy emotional state.
  • Biotin (H). An auxiliary component for the absorption of protein, which is very important for energy production. The vitamin also controls blood glucose levels.
  • Ascorbic acid (C). Vitamin C deficiency can cause disruption of the nervous system, provoke apathy, and then depression. Participates in the normalization of energy production.
  • Pyridoxine ( B6) . Involved in the formation of serotonin, the hormone of happiness and joy. With its deficiency, production can slow down, which leads to a disruption in the perception of the environment. The things you once loved are now indifferent. Relieves nervous tension, improves memory and brain function.
  • Folacin ( B9). An important microcomponent for the nervous system, its deficiency can cause increased anxiety, a feeling of fear, memory and brain function deteriorate.
  • Vitamin B11 . Responsible for normalizing the psycho-emotional state, preventing disruption of the brain, memory departments, and heart muscles. If there is a deficiency, a feeling of anxiety may occur.

If you don't want anything, try simple things

We are all familiar with the expression: “appetite comes with eating.” This is also true when it comes to getting work done and becoming part of your daily routine. Start doing small tasks, do them very well, better than you usually do, so that you yourself enjoy it.

Often, dissatisfaction and reluctance to perform one's work and household duties can be the reason for their careless performance. If this approach is observed in all areas of your life, it can cause dissatisfaction not only among others, but also among yourself. You don't feel like you're doing anything worthwhile or worthwhile. Analyze how professional you are in your work, identify your weaknesses and work hard on them. Only with this approach will you feel satisfaction from your work.

Another biggest mistake is doing everything at once. As a result, it turns out that you will not do anything, at least qualitatively. Learn to concentrate on one thing at specific periods of time. This is how our brain works, it can only think about one thought, so everything else will be only at the subconscious level. This approach will help you do more useful things, and you will do it with quality, which will delight you. You will be able to reveal your abilities to the fullest.

They don't handle adversity well

© Wikimedia

“Sun without rain creates a desert” - Arabic proverb.

Once upon a time there was a shepherd boy named David. He was not a warrior. And he wasn't big. He looked at the giant and said: “I will knock you down and then cut off your head.”

And that's exactly what he did.

It's much the same with problems: they are only as big as we allow them to seem so, and they are only as strong as our weakness allows them to be. Losers don't understand this; they give up too quickly, simply because things aren't the way they want them to be. They want roses without thorns, children without birth pains and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but they hate adversity.

Overcoming challenges not only brings us closer to our goals, but also transforms us into someone we could not previously imagine.

Don’t give in to your own fears, don’t be afraid to enter uncharted territory, leave your “comfort zone” and challenge yourself. In desperate situations, courage is born. Otherwise, you will simply never know how strong you are.

Proper nutrition can help cope with emotional disorders

According to doctors, poor quality nutrition significantly affects the nervous system, and as a result, the emotional state. A car runs well and regularly on high-quality fuel, the same can be attributed to our complex human mechanism. What if your usual diet is rich in harmful substances, such as carcinogens, cholesterol, preservatives, dyes, artificial additives. What reaction should we expect from our body? Of course, this will be stressful for him, which will also affect our emotions.

In contrast, think about if you regularly eat plant foods rich in vitamins and minerals, and drink clean water in sufficient quantities. Every day you will feel vigor and a surge of strength, and as a result, the desire to spend this energy, receive benefit and pleasure from it. You don’t want to do anything, often because of a poor diet that includes unhealthy foods.

On the other hand, one of the symptoms of gastrointestinal dysfunction is increased anxiety and even panic attacks. In other situations it may be depression, loss of mood, loss of strength.

Thyroid gland dysfunction can also be due to poor nutrition. And this provokes a number of unpleasant symptoms, including loss of strength, loss of mood, motivation, and desire to do something.

Therefore, it is important to understand which foods should be excluded from the diet, and which ones should be given preference.

To feel the first results, try giving up the following for at least 2 weeks:

  • Alcohol, even in small quantities;
  • Coffee;
  • Chocolate.

These products are depressants and often increase irritability, anxiety, and increase the level of the stress hormone cortisol.

  • If you eat a lot of sweets, reduce the amount to a minimum. Sugar suppresses the immune system. Replace at this time with natural sugars from fruits and dried fruits.
  • Eat 2 fresh fruits or vegetables every day. Try to diversify this diet to get as many different vitamins and components as possible.
  • Dress salads with oil, not mayonnaise. Any vegetable oil is suitable for this, but it is also better to combine them. The healthiest oils are considered to be flaxseed, sesame, and olive. Buy only cold-pressed oils.
  • Replace potatoes with cereals. Cereals contain many healthy carbohydrates, vitamins, and proteins. Give preference to buckwheat, brown rice, oatmeal.
  • Avoid fried foods. It contains many carcinogens that negatively affect the gastrointestinal tract, nervous, and cardiovascular systems. Eat more boiled, baked, steamed food.
  • Replace meat with fish. Fish is a healthier product than meat, especially marine varieties. They contain a lot of vitamins A, B, D, fatty amino acids, dietary white meat, which cannot be injected with steroids and other substances, as happens with chicken meat.

When should you see a doctor?

According to statistics, psycho-emotional health problems are the second most common. If the above tips did not help you or you are simply unable to follow them. Then you need to seek help from a specialist. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed – this is a disease like any other. A visit to a psychotherapist will help you identify the real cause of your discomfort, as well as find effective solutions. It is important to be honest during therapy sessions. Withholding any information at this stage will only hurt you in the long run, so feel free to discuss all your thoughts and feelings.

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