How to find the MEANING OF LIFE

What is a sense of life? Surely you have also asked yourself this question. Sooner or later he stands before every person on our planet. And this is not surprising, because we have the ability to think, analyze, evaluate our actions and achievements. At some point, we realize that life is not turning out exactly the way we would like, and this causes us to experience a lot of unpleasant feelings, ranging from emptiness to complete disappointment and hopelessness. This is where the question arises: how to find meaning in life and is it worth looking for?

Life story, or preface

By the way, I understand you, because a couple of months ago I myself was tormented by the problem of comprehension. In my case, the problem was the lack of work that would bring both pleasure and good income. There was a family, there were hobbies, there were beliefs, there were attitudes, but there was no place in the work sphere. That is why it was not that his views on life turned out to be non-standard.

And I gave up, and I didn’t want anything, and I fought with myself. But everything changed when I decided not to deviate from my beliefs and not to break myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses and abilities very well. I knew it would be hard (and it was), but I had to start. In fact, only I believed in myself; others, at best, did not interfere. But my own confidence was enough for me.

And now I can safely say that I feel harmonious and whole. Along with my acquisition of integrity and the meaning of being, other areas began to improve on their own, and most importantly, I feel an endless flow of strength and desire to create. But enough of the lyrics, I think I’ve already inspired you to at least read this article, now in a more general and scientific way.

How to want?

First, admit to yourself that you live in a state where you don’t want anything. It is very important to realize that you are not living the way you would like. The clearer you understand the problem, the clearer the path will be to get out of the hole called “you don’t want anything.”

Read more: How not to be afraid?

The second point is to start wanting slowly, start going through hobbies, hobbies, in order to push yourself away from something. So to speak, build the foundation of your desires.

Think back to your childhood, what you really wanted, but were unable to realize or your parents forbade you to do it. And it caused unfathomable trauma? This is what you wanted as a child, so start doing it.

In childhood, a child has a pure intention and has not yet become overgrown with negative beliefs and judgments about himself. Therefore, what you strongly desired in terms of hobbies as a child is what you need to continue to do. If you wanted to draw as a child, but your parents sent you to football, then still try to realize yourself as an artist or as a hobby.

Well, the simplest thing, in my opinion, is, of course, to turn to “our brother psychologist” since we are focused on solving and eliminating problems related to psychology and other “joys of life.”

The structure and essence of the meaning of life

Despite all the ambiguity of the issue, scientists have been able to identify some stable provisions about the meaning of life, for example, regarding its structure. It is noted that, as a rule, there are several meanings in life: the leader and the subordinates. Based on this principle, the following models of meaning formation are distinguished:

All meanings peacefully coexist or oppose each other.
Subordination of all meanings to one leader.
Change in additional meanings under the influence and growth of the leader.
Inconsistency between the leading and additional principles (that is, the division of the inner world in two).
The leading meaning serves only as a cover for the ever-evolving true meanings.
The breakdown of the main meaning into secondary ones.
There is one leading meaning, but it is interconnected with others and can change.

Thus, the meaning of life is life goals, the means of achieving them (abilities) and the result (information obtained during professional activities, communication and knowledge of the world).

The first conversation about the meaning of life, as a rule, comes in adolescence. Young children can also pronounce this concept, but probably blindly repeating after adults. According to developmental psychology, at this age a child cannot consciously be puzzled by this question.

In adolescence, a person begins to look for the meaning of his life in the present, in youth - to build goals and dream about the future, in maturity - to embody ideas and adjust them taking into account the realities of the existing subjective and objective world.

The meaning of life is based on an individual’s sense of his place in society, his goals and interests, and ideas about the possibility of their implementation. The main characteristics of the meaning of life include:

duality (can be constructive or destructive for the individual);
realism (correspondence of meaning to objective conditions and capabilities of the person himself).

Thus, the meaning of life is an axis that helps a person adhere to a single line, build all his spheres according to one thread. Due to this, the individual perceives his life as a whole, and not by spheres (leisure, family, work), and also perceives himself holistically. For example, if there is inconsistency of meanings, a person can be a sycophant at work and a tyrant at home.

Social affiliation

Human needs human. After the first two steps of the hierarchy have been completed: the person is well-fed, everything is fine financially, and he is safe, he understands that he is lonely and this weighs on him. He begins to look for a soul mate.

He needs support from others, he needs to know that he is accepted for who he is. He needs companionship, friends, family, love who will accept him as one of their own so that he can be comfortable with them. He needs to know that he belongs to a certain group of people, clan, team, class.

If this need is not satisfied, then the person simply will not be able to live in society, he will experience social maladjustment, and other more serious problems are possible.

Causes of emptiness

Getting lost in the labyrinths of life is not shameful; looking for meaning is not a shame, just like losing it. It seems to you that the whole point is in your passivity and apathy, but it also has roots. External factors of feeling the meaninglessness of life in a broad sense include:

globalization and technologization of society;
abundance of information;
identification of work calling and life calling (read more about this in the article “Is it possible to see the meaning of life in work”);
the collapse of old values and traditions of society without offering a new alternative (reminiscent of the situation in the 90s).

All this causes a person to fear being replaced by robots and technologies; The abundance of information from different sources and of different quality sows uncertainty in one’s own stability; the collapse of values prevents one from building one’s worldview.

Why look for the meaning of life

Life itself is unthinkable without meaning. It may be existence, but it is not life. The meaning of life allows you to:

feel the value of life;
understand your life story;
believe in your own uniqueness;
constantly move, develop.

Those who live meaningful lives take an active position in everything. They interact with the world practically and theoretically. Meaning allows you to live the allotted time fully and as fruitfully as possible. “So that there is no excruciating pain for the years spent aimlessly” is the motto of those who endow their lives with meaning.

Goal setting

“How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything?” - you ask. The answer, apparently, will not please you: set a goal and go towards it with the will.

What is the root of your passivity? Have you recently suffered a trauma or lost someone? Are you in a state of crisis, depression, that is, an unstable and unhealthy psychological state? Then you first need to “remove the splinter”: survive divorce, death, leaving, recover from trauma, get out of depression. To do this, you need to contact a specialist.
Once your condition is stable (or if you are currently healthy, just lazy or uncertain), you need to start working. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Already in the question “how to find...” lies the answer - to search, and not to remain inactive. Go to the goal, through all external and, above all, internal obstacles (your “I don’t want”).
“I don’t want” happens because of a lack of motivation. Why do you lack motivation? Are you satisfied with your current life? I think not, since the question arose. Then imagine the life you want, but be realistic in your plans. Have you imagined yourself, your life, the people around you, your feelings? Do you want that? That's the goal. Your life's purpose is the image of your achievements.

If you cannot yet concentrate your attention on life as a whole, then think about a specific goal that worries you more than others at the moment: work, love, education, health.

Now think about how to achieve the presented image, and what is needed for this. What do you already have? How to get something that doesn't exist? Work on your worldview. As a result, you should have a clear idea of what the universe is, who a person is and how he should live.

Recommendations for every day

Educate yourself. Get a professional diagnosis from a psychologist or take tests yourself to study your characteristics: professional inclinations and interests, abilities, temperament and character, reactions, value orientations. As a result, you should have your complete psychological portrait in your hands so that you clearly understand the possibilities and work plan.
Learn to select, filter, and not take on faith everything you hear.
Be confident in your professional qualities and abilities.
Create your own sustainable value system that includes broad concepts such as helping a stranger, not being indifferent, and more.
Treat yourself and others not as masks or people performing a specific role or function, but as a whole, independent, unique personality.
Take a strong position in relation to society and its global issues. You must have your own vision of any issue (death, life, work).
If you want to see personal meaning in everything you do, then act according to your conscience. Even if it offends someone, but you consider this the only right decision (for example, leaving the relationship), then this is what you need to do.
The meaning of life is always between reality and the desired ideal. Don't try to find the right move, look for what seems important and necessary for you here and now. Don’t be fooled by the stereotype about “stable work like people” if you have the opportunity to build your path in a non-standard modern field (video blogs, copywriting, promoting your ideas and projects).
Don't be fooled by stereotypes. About anything: marriage, work, hobbies, gender characteristics. If something is interesting and meaningful to you, if it satisfies your needs and matches your abilities, then this is the right path.
Try to always follow your values, principles, and interests. Prestige can be achieved in any field if you do it with passion and interest. And in an unloved, but relatively prestigious field, you may not achieve anything.
Develop hard work. Labor is the basis of our life. It permeates every sphere. Work is an expression of the need for respect and self-expression.

There is no such thing as a healthy person not wanting anything. Maybe your desires simply do not correspond to someone else's ideas? And who told you that they must comply? Your desires should correspond only to your needs, ideas and natural data, and, of course, to the norms of law and morality. Everything else is your right to freedom.

I repeat again: why don’t you want anything? Have you entered a course that is obviously undesirable (at the direction of your parents or society) and do not see any further prospects in your planned work? Are you already working in an undesirable field (you got a job through an acquaintance, they pay well, “I studied for this”)? Are you in a dependent relationship? Did you give birth to a child because you “have to”? Are you sick with some kind of addiction? Why have you become so indifferent to your life, to yourself? Who are you living for?

Please stop ruining your life and realizing someone else's meaning in life. Unfortunately, I don’t know your specific story. But I know for sure that everything can always be corrected: if not the situation, then your attitude towards it.

However, some psychologists and philosophers believe that life has meaning only when it is connected with other lives, that is, when your activities are useful to the whole society. Thus, we are talking about self-development, about reaching a new moral level. The level where you think about the meaning of your actions for others more than the meaning for yourself. It is also important to remember this: for others, but not to the detriment of yourself.

A little practice

I want to push you to action and take you away from devaluing life. I suggest two exercises. You can repeat it regularly, especially when you “don’t feel like doing anything.”

Imagine that you have 5 years left to live. Have you already come up with some images, values, ideas? I think yes. Probably, all the “later”, “I’ll have time”, “not now” immediately came to mind. And you probably wanted to do it right away? That's what we need to build on. Here are the first meanings for you. Constantly support them, call the genie out of the bottle and act.
Imagine that you are 80. Your friends and family have a party to celebrate this occasion. The hero of the day is invited to give a speech. You are asked to talk about your life. This is where the “magic” begins. What would you like to say to those eyes? How would you like to appear to your guests? Here are your first guidelines for the future, your first goals and meanings.

Unwillingness to live, what to do?

Inaction and when you don’t want anything, a program associated with an unwillingness to live is possible. Of course, you live, or rather exist, but your whole life is decay, constant depression, does this happen to you? Yes, this is another negative program from childhood that drowns all our desire to live and develop.

Or, as an option, all the problems come from your family, and in order to neutralize all problems associated with your family, it is better to go through the Hellinger constellation

✅Guide to changing yourself .pdf

Popular traps

In your search for meaning in life, you can fall into several traps.

Dependent Relationships

This is if you decide to look for yourself in family and love. Perhaps you just imagined a family with a dozen children and are now afraid of not being able to make it in time. This is the other extreme of your current condition. You can not do it this way. You can’t cling to a random passerby, you can’t give birth to children because “you have to.” You need to clearly plan and rationally evaluate every step. Remember the main conditions for realizing the meaning of life: realism, consistency, feasibility.

Workaholism

This is an escape from reality. This is the opposite of laziness. Work cannot replace family, communication with friends, and leisure. It is not safe. Work takes up all your thoughts, and you constantly begin to feel anxious. You cannot help but work, but even while working you are constantly anxious. At the same time, the ability to empathize and establish social contacts decreases. A workaholic does not want to solve interpersonal problems, but you and I remember that life makes sense with global values and interaction with society. Gradually this develops into dissatisfaction with oneself and the question of the meaninglessness of existence arises again.

False meanings, or self-destruction

By which I mean self-destructive behavior (not always conscious). I have heard the phrases “my meaning in life is to waste my life”, “I am a party animal, and this is the meaning of my life”, “self-destruction as the meaning of life”, “searching for the meaning of life through self-destruction”, “the meaning of life is to try everything” ( for some reason the most accessible, dangerous, trivial), “gather a collection of women/men.” These are not meanings. This is a waste of given time and potential. With such attitudes, the re-awareness of meaninglessness usually comes in old age or late adulthood. Against this background, a crisis develops that can end in depression and even suicide.

Results

Thus, we can say that the meaning of life is not an abstract philosophical phenomenon (although, of course, one can rant on this topic for a long time) and it is not an unanswered question.

The meaning of life is the concept of life of a particular person. A set of his personal provisions, rules, beliefs, values. This is all supported by internal personal psychological characteristics and external conditions, the concept of society.
The meaning of life includes goals for the future, but begins with the present, and even the past makes its contribution to changes in the semantic orientations of the individual. The first semantic questions and guidelines appear in adolescence (searching for oneself in the present, without focusing on the future), in adolescence a person makes plans for the future, in adulthood he implements them (if necessary, adjusting them according to real possibilities), in old age he evaluates, measures your success.
The meaning of life is your perception and understanding of life and yourself, the awareness of ownership of your life and the codependence of the meaning of life and your actions. That’s why you don’t want anything right now because there’s no point.

Do you know that it is passivity that people most often regret in old age, when they begin to evaluate their life, that is, their achievements? I would like to quote the Soviet psychologist and philosopher Sergei Leonidovich Rubinstein: “My attitude towards my own death is determined by two circumstances: firstly, how complete, and not cut short, my life will be by the time of death, how complete it will be at least to some extent.” plan, and, secondly, to what extent I did not abandon, abandon, or leave to the mercy of fate those people who need me.”

That is, you need to be active and active, to endow each step with meaning, and highly significant. The meaning of life is a changeable element. Finding it is not enough, you need to constantly implement it. As goals (meanings) are achieved, based on them, find a continuation - new meanings.

Among the main meanings we can name the meaning:

to be loved;
be happy;
be educated;
to be a successful specialist;
helping people and more.

Note that each of these meanings is subjective. Each person has his own idea of love, education, and happiness. I don’t know what you put into this goal, but I know that any main meaning (goal) can be divided into auxiliary meanings (tasks), which are quite achievable if they are real.

Thus, to find the meaning of life, you need to recognize your own resources and develop a concept for managing them. Get to know yourself, develop, plan your life, be active. Live, don't exist!

Aesthetic need

At the penultimate level of Maslow's pyramid is the aesthetic need.

It is expressed in the aesthetics of designing the space around a person, that is, the need to satisfy the sense of beauty. It includes: fine arts, music, travel, theaters, museums, etc.

Sometimes even this stage can eclipse all others.

People who are deprived of these aesthetic pleasures and who are immersed in a world of ugly things, as well as ill-mannered, rude people, simply begin to get sick. And the only cure can only be immersion in the world of beauty and aesthetics.

Literature on the topic

Lyubov Kholov “The Road to Vocation.” The book is based on real events, stories, people, but written in the style of a fictional novel. This is the story of one person who, despite the opinions of other people and other problems, seeks and finds himself.
Fyodor Papayani "The Meaning of Life". The work presents various scientific points of view on what the meaning of life is (and from the perspective of different sciences); The author's personal experience of searching for the meaning of life is described. It’s about worldview, and about ideas, and about values, and about attitudes. A lot of material is presented on the topic of worldview, which, in my opinion, is where one should begin the search for the meaning of life.
Vladislav Terekhovich “Formula of meaning. A Study of Opinions about the Meaning of Human Existence.” The author analyzes in detail all existing theories of the meaning of life (from the standpoint of pros and cons), analyzes established opinions about the meaning of life, analyzes individual areas by category, for example, meaning in pleasure, in self-realization, and so on, and ultimately offers his own formula sense. I think it will be useful for you to read several overview opinions about what the meaning of life is and how to find it.

Advice from psychologists

Many people, in their search for the meaning of life, are embarrassed to turn to specialists with this question. And completely in vain. This is a common practice in the West. Perhaps this is why you can rarely meet a person there who would engage in soul-searching and look for his own path of destiny, ignoring the advice of professionals. There a person looks for a psychologist and with his help finds answers to all internal questions. Indeed, otherwise, when a person cannot find the very meaning of life for a long time, he is overcome by apathy and boredom, he may be overcome by suicidal thoughts, and alcohol and various drugs become the solution. That’s why it’s so important to listen to experienced specialists, and as practice shows, their advice really helps you discover a completely new truth.

Here are some recommendations to help you choose the right vector for finding your destination:

first you need to understand your true interests and preferences in life, and start devoting most of your free time to them;
sometimes it’s worth getting to know yourself again and defining your new goals and life priorities, which may differ from those previously set;
some people could use some self-confidence and self-esteem;
life should be perceived as a gift that does not require any justifications, or any explanations or reports on the work done;
You should not focus on your close circle or your idols, since each person has his own meaning in life;
try to live for another, without demanding anything in return;
learn to get your own needs met;
never stop focusing on your own internal development.

All these tips help build a logical chain of actions that will ultimately contribute to a person discovering his true meaning in life. You need to start with your own perception of this world and with those little things that surround and create personal space. By learning to live your life with some gratitude, a person will begin to see the meaning of his existence in every day and moment. And don’t ignore the help of specialists. The help of a psychologist can be timely support that will only guide the person on the right path.

Sometimes a person complains about the inability to find his meaning in life. Here experts note that this may be associated with certain mental disorders and diseases. Therefore, in a situation where a person cannot find his purpose and is tormented by this realization, ordinary advice will not help. Here you will need to spend a long time working with a psychologist and, possibly, taking medications and sedatives.

Aphorisms for the occasion - for the sake of thought

The beauty of aphorisms is that each person interprets them in his own way. I offer you several popular sayings of great people about the meaning of life. Perhaps this will be a “magic kick” for you. Well, take a little break from the previous “overload”.

A. Ananyev: “The goal of life cannot consist only of the promised eternal bliss; the golden gates of heaven awaiting us, to which only we should turn our thoughts and deeds, is wonderful; but there is, that is, there must certainly be something else... that brings satisfaction not in the mythical future, but today, here on earth. The purpose of life is the desire for immortality (even just name); The meaning of life is the choice of path (and actions) to achieve a goal.”
Aristotle: “What is the meaning of life? Serve others and do good. Every person individually and everyone together has, one might say, a certain goal, in pursuit of which they choose one thing and avoid another... Happiness is the goal of life.”
V. Belinsky: “Without a goal there is no activity, without interests there is no goal, and without activity there is no life.”
W. James: “Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact come true.”
P. Coelho: “Life is a mystery that you must be able to accept and not torment yourself with the constant question: “What is the meaning of my life?” It’s better to fill your life with meaning and things that are important to you.”
B. Pascal: “The past and present are our means, only the future is our goal.”
P. Tkachev: “The life goal of each individual is to preserve and maintain his individuality.”
T. Wilder: “Life has no other meaning than the one we give it.”
O. Wilde: “The purpose of life is self-expression. To manifest our essence in its entirety - that’s what we live for.”

Self acceptance

If at a certain period you do not see the meaning of life, it is important to accept yourself. It is important to accept your physical and moral weakness, the fact that now it is often or even always bad, but this does not devalue personal qualities and does not affect the love of those close to a depressed person.

Now such a person needs help, but this stage is temporary and will certainly pass one day. Recommendations for relieving the condition and rules of struggle:

Drawing up a rescue plan. It is important to remember that “if you are alone, you are not a threat” (“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”).
Movement against and through force, but movement. While a person is weakened, simple exercises that help the body produce serotonin (“the happiness hormone”) are quite enough. You need to force yourself and get up. Despite difficulties, pain and unbearability. One day this experience will be remembered as very valuable.
The more often you manage to overcome yourself, the more dopamine the brain produces and the more pleasure appears.
We need to remember what a person loved before. Reading, swimming or walking near the railway are all important to do again. In spite of the lack of desire, energy and joy. After a while everything returns to normal.
Defining the boundaries of possibilities. The main task is to recover. Overloading yourself is contraindicated.
Time to rest. You will need it after every task, even the simplest one. And after the break you need to continue moving.
Protection from stress and conflict situations.
You cannot reproach and scold yourself. If a person feels worse and is unable to complete the task, he should try again when it becomes easier.