Hi all! Lyudmila Redkina is with you. How often do you hate waking up in the morning? Have you ever had a feeling and desire to send everyone to hell? The routine is boring, there is no strength for activity, it constantly makes you sleepy and pulls you towards the refrigerator... And telltale folds appear in interesting places, and the dress or trousers just don’t want to stretch... And everything would be fine, but there is no goal, nothing interests, nothing I’m glad that more and more often the flabby body tends to sit on the sofa watching the TV with chips and Coca-Cola (in the best case). Today we will look for the answer to the problem of many people, how to find a purpose in life, if you don’t want to do anything, what to do to change your life for the better.
What is the difference between a goal and a destination and a dream?
A dream is a cloud of thoughts, it is something vague. Erema lies on the stove, scratches his belly, and thinks, “It would be nice to eat some fish soup.” A dream is a substance without weight and time; you can be a great dreamer, with a rich inner world, but a deeply unhappy person.
Destination is a long journey. What you came into this world for. This is a global concept that brings moral satisfaction. For example, helping people or animals.
Actors, for example, may have a purpose - to make this world a little happier, more smiling, more emotional. Purpose is embedded in us. It is within us, from birth. You can find your purpose by reaching an agreement with your subconscious.
And a goal is a specific, measurable object or action located from the outside - this is a SMART goal (detailed description with examples here). And the task is even smaller. This is a specific action that will lead us to the goal.
It turns out to be such a funnel: a dream is vast, without clear boundaries, a destination is a path that is comfortable to follow. A goal is the end result, while a task is a step towards the goal.
If you don’t want anything, apathy, your soul is turning you back, start by defining your purpose. You may not realize that you are not moving on your own path. You can work with machines, mechanisms, papers (inanimate objects) for a long time and feel sick.
But it turns out that your purpose is to work with people. They changed their field of activity, and that’s it - other emotions began to appear, the sun began to shine brighter. It may be exactly the opposite: a person has been with people all his life, but he is comfortable with mechanisms.
Of course, it would be good to decide on this issue before leaving school, and not go where your parents want or by “inheritance” - your great-grandfather was a doctor, he was a doctor, your father is a doctor and you are heading into medicine. Listen to yourself, your heart. Maybe with cars my soul will open up more.
But if laziness has overcome you and you don’t know how to cope with it, read a separate article.
Life without a goal. Where to go next?
In the stream of loud statements about goals in every person’s life as an obligatory necessity, constant achievements and personal development, modest questions about what a person should do when there is no goal in life are barely audible in a thin voice. It's as simple as that: no goal. Neither global about conquering the world, nor very modest. There is no. Is this really what happens?
Yes, sometimes. And that's quite normal.
For example, a baby has a certain biological development program: at three months he learned to hold his head up, at six months he learned to sit, at nine months he learned to crawl, and by one year he learned to walk...
When physical development ends (at about age 25), nature trusts a person to independently manage his own development. And here a person’s program can be implemented in two main ways. The first way is that a person has an active life position. Such people are always exploring something new, making discoveries, conquering unknown lands. The second way is to replicate known behaviors and behaviors suggested by others. Historically, these were models of behavior accepted in society and dictated by religion.
Thus, there have always been leaders who realize their high ambitions, who know how to set goals and take responsibility, and followers who are ready to follow the leaders and fulfill other people’s goals according to other people’s rules and algorithms.
Today, an active life position, the right to choose and equal opportunities for self-realization are proclaimed as a value, but there are still people who are ready to move the Earth, and people who are driven. And that's okay!
In the global understanding, everything is simple and clear, but how can a specific person figure out what to do and how to live further if there is no goal?
Easy to understand. If a particular person is happy and his life expectations coincide with reality, then his life model is good. And here you can finish reading this text.
Another case is if there is some kind of worm inside that reminds you of inner unhappiness, and doubts creep in about the correctness of the chosen model of behavior. Here, indeed, there is reason to think about what to do if there is no goal.
Let's start with something simple. With life's expectations. Our life expectations are the precursors to our life goals. They are simple and understandable to every person. Even when there are no dreams and global plans to conquer the neighboring galaxy, there are life expectations.
Let's look at the example of a physical state. Ask yourself honestly, how do you expect or want to see yourself, your body (physical form) in twenty years, ten, five?
I am sure that the vast majority want to see themselves in good physical shape: slim and fit, healthy.
Tell me, does your body now meet your expectations?
If you are young, then most likely yes. Because when we are young, life often rewards us with good health.
And with your current lifestyle, will your body in 20 years meet your expectations?
If your physical condition is important to you, then here is your first goal for the next twenty years: meet your birthday (your current age plus twenty) in good physical shape.
Don't you think so globally? Learn! When working with goals, you cannot do without a strategic vision.
Now the next important area is relationships. What are the expectations from life here? What do you want in twenty, ten and five years? What do you have now? Do you have a reason to work? If you want your expectations and reality to coincide, set goals.
Every person has a need to realize himself in something. Hence the often painful search for one’s purpose.
Ask yourself a question, what do you want to succeed in, what business? How to conquer the world?
If you have no ideas, the question may be more modest: in what craft do you want to achieve excellence? What are you ready to do with maximum effort, time and other resources?
Surely, there is such an activity, the results of which bring so much joy and inspiration that you never have to regret the time spent.
If so, what professional heights would you like to achieve?
It's time to set goals again.
And the last area is financial independence.
How many sources of income do you have? If any one of them runs out, will the quality of life change? How much money is needed for your financial condition to remain consistently stable no matter the changes in your life circumstances? How to achieve such a state?
All the questions asked now concerned only the necessary minimum, which will allow you to choose freedom of action, and not think every minute “about your daily bread.”
If sound calculations and reality do not coincide, if there is an abyss between what is desired and reality, there is again a reason to set goals.
In general, in the most general understanding, there are four important areas for every person: physical condition, relationships, self-realization, financial independence . They are like table legs, providing stability to the table and giving a person a feeling of life harmony and happiness.
Want more? A few more questions to ask yourself, and new goals.
Algorithm to help you
Compare your expectations of life in the future with reality and set your life goals. I am sure that now you will have them.
If you have become the happy owner of your life goals, you will also be interested in reading:
Is it worth it to engage in self-organization or how can I understand if I know how to manage myself?
How to set and achieve goals
Secrets of good planning or how to create a self-development plan
Elena Vetshtein.
PS Based on your comments, I decided to make a small addition to this article.
So, there are people who have never set any goals, and yet they are happy, they don’t care about anything, they feel so good. We talked about them earlier in this article. There is another category of people. These are those who are not happy with the current situation, although they often set goals, but either do it crookedly, or are lazy and, as a result, do not achieve their goals.
If you have read the material, then you know that the prototype of our goals are our desires. Goals grow from a desire, a dream, a strong “I want.”
But what should we do when we don’t understand our desires, we think that they don’t exist, we don’t believe that we can achieve something in life? All these situations have nothing to do with goal setting. As a rule, other mechanisms are affected here, ranging from depressive states to more complex causes. These reasons are solvable. But they are resolved in therapy - they are worked through with your psychologist. They are difficult to solve independently using materials from articles or other publications.
PPS From January 8 to January 15, 2021, a new marathon on planning and organizing morning time “How to make a good morning” starts. This is a new program. I create it for those who spend every morning in hustle and bustle, are often late for work, meetings, and whose mornings always go topsy-turvy.
I made a pre-registration form to understand how interested my subscribers and site readers are in such a marathon. The cost of participation will be 3300 rubles. But pre-registration will not ask you for any payment. I need the pre-registration form to understand the demand for the marathon. I will give everyone who registers using the form a 30% discount on the marathon when its sales start two weeks before the start.
Want to register for the marathon? Leave your contact here and I will contact you!
You can find out more about other programs here
TO LEARN MORE
Elena Vetshtein
We are drowning in whining, trifles and someone else's principles
Why do you care so much about someone’s behavior, what difference does it make what people think about us, how competently someone you don’t know and don’t want to know writes.
What percentage of your time and energy is filled with unnecessary reactions to all sorts of crap? Following rules invented by someone?? 90? 100? Do the math.
We drown in our own whining and self-pity. For what?? If you're tired of your job, stop going to it every day and whining - quit that job to hell. If your joints hurt, stop eating salt, change your diet, and take care of your health. If you were abandoned and you poor thing is depressed - look in the mirror, maybe there was a reason for that and it’s time to kick your fat ass and go to the gym, don’t crawl out of it until your form is perfect?
Send your depression to hell, get carried away with yourself and your life, cry not from grief, but from the beauty of the world and muscle pain after physical exertion..
Any whining is a reluctance to act.
What needs to be done to regain the desire to live
How to regain interest in life? The advice of psychologists boils down to the fact that you need to learn to accept the world around you as it is, and treat yourself in the same way, perceive yourself as real in this world and begin to respect. Be grateful for all the events that happen in your life.
When a person has lost interest in life, what to do? Everything is very simple, in fact, life responds to what a person does in it, and all events do not happen by chance. To start living and enjoying what is happening, you just need to be a person with a capital H, believe in yourself and not commit immoral acts.
In order for the desire to live to appear, a person must be completely satisfied with himself and everything that he does. Of course, it is difficult to imagine a person who will be satisfied with everything that happens, but who is not successful. But many people believe that success is money. Everything is much simpler, a successful person is one who realizes himself and loves his type of activity. There are people who do not have much wealth, but consider themselves successful and enjoy life.
Success does not mean having an expensive house, car, yacht. All these are just little things in life compared to when a person was able to realize himself. A successful person always returns home with great joy and is glad to meet people close to him. Such people know what their meaning in life is, they have clearly defined goals that they strive for.
If you have lost interest in life, what is the simplest thing you can do? Even some of the world's leading psychologists advise not to lose your sense of humor in any, even the most difficult situation. And sometimes you can laugh at yourself.
Signs of Depression
If you have no interest in life, what should you do? How can you tell if a person is depressed? Psychologists define it according to the following characteristics:
- A person ceases to be pleased with any events that previously caused positive emotions. Apathy, sadness, guilt and despondency appear.
- The person no longer sees a way out of the current situation.
- Interest in sexual life is lost and physical activity decreases. Sleep became short, and interest in food was lost.
- Self-confidence completely disappears, and the person begins to avoid other people. In some cases, suicidal thoughts appear.
- People can no longer control their feelings and emotions.
It is quite difficult to get out of such a state, but it is possible, and in such a situation it would be useful to seek help from a psychologist.
How to regain interest in life? Some recommendations
If you lose interest in life, what should you do? There are some rules for those who have lost interest in life, they will help regain it.
You need to completely change your schedule. This could be a change in the route a person takes to work. Perhaps it is worth abandoning the transport he is following, or getting off a little earlier than his stop and then continuing on foot. Many people find it helpful to listen to their favorite music while traveling and on their way to work. This helps strengthen the nervous system.
How to regain interest in life? Advice from a psychologist: you need to start experimenting and stop being afraid of new things in your life. It is also important to stop eating the same foods. Change your hairstyle if it hasn’t changed for a long time, update your wardrobe. You need to start enjoying all kinds of innovations.
It would be a good idea to update the interior of your home; you may even have to throw away some old things and buy new ones. Adding new colors to the interior of the apartment also helps.
You will need to become a little selfish and get rid of those responsibilities that were familiar and took up a lot of time, but were not necessary. You need to start loving yourself and stop listening to someone, learn to believe in yourself. Enjoy any small positive events in your life.
Introduce good habits
We are not born with good habits, we acquire them. And somehow it turns out that successful people have approximately the same habits, while whiners and losers have approximately the same habits.
It would be foolish not to use this fact!
We take our habits of losers (whining, alcohol, etc.) and replace them with the habits of successful people:
- Take care of your health: running, nutrition, various sports and activities.
- Don’t worry about the opinions of other people, especially strangers and even close people, when you know for sure that you are doing something useful.
- Appreciate time - it’s not days that pass, but your LIFE that passes. Down the drain. There is no need to waste precious time on all sorts of crap, but spend it only on the things we need! Be able to brush aside and say No to unnecessary things.
- Saying “Yes.” Take it and do it! Don't be stupid. - We can think for a long time, weigh, find excuses - this is the habit of a loser. We replace it with the habit of Taking and Doing. And we will think later, in the process.
How to stop blocking feelings
There are 2 options for advice from psychologists on how to regain interest in life and stop blocking feelings.
First: you need to try to look inside yourself, to understand what emotions you want to hide from others and yourself. Next, you need to accept them completely, feel them, experience them and simply let them go.
This is best done in childhood. A child can freely, without hesitation, cry if someone has offended him, and immediately forget about everything and start playing, doing his favorite thing. This way children easily let go of negative emotions.
It is much more difficult for an adult. He needs to find a place where no one will see him. Calm down and understand what emotions bother him most. When he has dealt with this, he needs to accept them, feel them completely, and in this way he can reset the negative emotions. Negative feelings will no longer be blocked, and it will become much easier.
The second option: a person needs to seek help from a psychotherapist.
Sensory channel of perception: sensations and feelings
A person receives most of the information thanks to his feelings, and he closes them, if something goes wrong, instantly. This often happens when he is faced with insurmountable obstacles, such as fear, resentment, love suffering. Life becomes uninteresting because its taste is lost. It has a direct connection with the perception of any smells, tastes, and tactile sensations are also of great importance.
People often resort to the simplest way to turn off such a channel of perception - smoking. You can also dull your feelings by closing yourself off; computer games and the Internet allow you to escape from reality into another world. Today, when technology has developed to a high level, this happens very often.
Walk into fear
What are you afraid of? My favorite exercise is to do something every day that is scary or scary to do. Ask for food in a line with homeless people, climb another tower illegally, go surfing (I love surfing, but I’m still wildly afraid of the waves), meet someone on the street, take a helicopter pilot course, etc.
Every day, overcoming fear a little bit helps in important moments - when you need to do something really cool and very scary.
Important: what we fear most is most often what we really need!
Vision is a visual channel of perception
Thanks to vision, people have the ability to see, distinguish a large number of shades, and notice everything that happens around them. As people age, their vision deteriorates, but not because they lose the ability to see. Scientists conducted many experiments and were able to prove that it can be 100% even in old age.
Visual perception of the surrounding reality depends on how ready a person is to notice and accept everything that surrounds him. Any offense, manifestation of anger and irritation “closes people’s eyes.” Diseases associated with vision loss or deterioration occur because people do not like everything they see in their lives. In children, such diseases arise because they do not want to see what is happening in their families.
