17 tips from a psychologist on how to forget a loved one whom you still love

“How to forget the person you love?” - both women and men ask this question. Many find it difficult to actually end a relationship and at the same time let go of it emotionally. Psychologist Tatyana Chuvilchikova tells how to do this in seven steps.

When we are in a relationship for a long time, many unifying connections and memories accumulate that cannot be removed from memory forever. The idea of ​​forgetting someone you spent a long time with is absurd in itself. It is impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to experience other, more comfortable emotions and feelings about it.

Yes, not everyone suffers. It also depends on how the relationship ended: whether your partner initiated the breakup, or you yourself decided to break up with your lover. If you yourself decide to end the relationship, it will be easier - because you are aware of the reasons to leave everything in the past. In such situations, it is easier to maintain a sense of self-worth, satisfaction and confidence.

It is impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to experience other, more comfortable emotions and feelings about it.

It is important to survive a breakup, to figure out how to forget your loved one, even if he seems to be “the only one.” You need to let go of painful memories and feelings - love, sometimes anger or resentment.

Five reasons to forget a broken relationship:

1. In order not to transfer remaining feelings to new partners. Do not compare them with the previous one, either for the better or for the worse. This greatly interferes with new relationships.
2. To basically be ready to enter into a new relationship. Sometimes after a breakup we may not want any more relationships, even if we meet worthy partners. Then we choose to be alone for years, which rarely makes us happy.
3. To stop blaming yourself. And endlessly go through the episodes of your quarrels, scroll through ideas in your head about how you should have behaved differently so that the breakup did not happen, what mistakes you should not have made.
4. To restore self-esteem. The thought may creep in that it is impossible to be with you. That no one else will be able to stay in a relationship with you. This attitude can haunt you and pretty much ruin your life.
5. To just stop suffering and wait for your partner to return.

How to get over the person you love? I'll try to help you.

Cut a person out of life as if he no longer exists

As soon as you have a breakup, you should immediately cut the person out of your life.
It's all over, accept it.

The psychologist’s first advice on how to forget a loved one forever will be exactly this. Your past reality does not exist.

Your ex relationship is dead, the person is dead . Start looking at it this way now.

Let go of the past completely.

It’s like you’re being reborn again and starting with a clean slate.

New world, new people.

Remove from life all psychological anchors that evoke memories of your former passion.

What anchors need to be removed from life in detail:

• common music that you spent time listening to together;
• gifts (either hide in the basement or give to friends);
• do not go to those locations and places where you had cool dates together before;
• any forgotten things: be it clothes or a lens from a former passion that was not thrown away earlier (it’s time to throw it away);
• delete shared photos and videos on your computer, phone and other media.

Follow these steps, and you will get rid of restless thoughts about how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t love you, without any conspiracies and other nonsense.

How to forget the guy you love that you talk to all the time

It’s easier to erase from your memory a person who has disappeared from your sight, does not call, does not write. It's much more difficult if you work or study together. Constant meetings will only aggravate the bitterness of parting and pain. Use the following tips:

• Don't act friendly, but don't be aggressive either. There is no need to be too persistently interested in his life, but it is also stupid to turn in the other direction. Be casual. Your colleagues should not know about the strained communication. Nobody needs rumors.
• Don't turn the team against him. If they become interested, briefly say that the affair is over.

Behave calmly, without emotions. Give yourself the opportunity to be independent.

Don't fall into his perception: don't think about what his head is doing

Don’t fall into other people’s perceptions and don’t think about what’s on your ex-partner’s mind!

Otherwise you will fall into the pain of loss.

Do not be interested in the life of your past partner and do not fall into other people's perceptions. What does this mean in detail :

1. You should not care what kind of relationship your ex-partner is in or who he is with now.
2. It doesn't matter whether your ex is suffering or not. At the moment, only your well-being is important.
3. Don’t hang around or stick to your ex’s social media page. Finding out that he is doing better will not make you feel any better.
4. You feel neither better nor worse when hearing rumors or some news about a past person. Absolute and complete indifference!

Implement this principle and no longer need advice from a psychologist on how to forget a person with whom you will never be together.

Parting with a lover

It's good if the relationship ended mutually. But how to survive the pain if only one person wanted it? Anyone who did not plan the breakup experiences warm feelings mixed with the taste of sudden betrayal. This prevents you from fully working, eating, communicating, and taking care of yourself. The ex-partner completely loses himself and psycho-emotional control. Depression, tears, and aggression appear. Often it comes to suicidal thoughts.

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Situations are different. It is important to be able to forget a man and not remember, completely throw him out of your head and start living again. I will help you with this, to do this, sign up for my personal consultation. I will organize the thoughts in my head and find a way out to the long-awaited freedom from love addiction. You will regain peace of mind and self-confidence, life will be filled with new colors and impressions.

Don't blame yourself for the fact that you will never be together again

In such cases, a person's focus can only be occupied by negativity, and it is a mistake to make only oneself the culprit.

Otherwise, negative energy will accumulate in you.

It is not your fault! What happened happened.

No need to scold yourself!

A fine line to keep in mind.

1. It’s cool that you look for your mistakes, analyze your behavior so as not to repeat your mistakes. BUT: find these mistakes and don’t attack or blame yourself!
2. Find mistakes for yourself so as not to repeat them in other new relationships, and not to go back to your previous partner!

You find your mistakes so as not to repeat them with a new partner and never step on the same rake again.

Remember this, and you no longer need to look for answers to questions from psychology about how to forget the person you love quickly and in a short time.

Stages of living through the loss of the illusion that relationships are possible

Negation

We discussed this stage above. This is where you find yourself when you feed on false hope for the continuation of a relationship. You are denying a FACT. The former beloved man has already disappeared from your life. And you don't want to admit it. This stage is absolutely normal. Don't scold yourself! Everyone goes through this. And we will move on to the second stage

Anger, anger. The desire to blame him. And, often myself in what happened

Sometimes at this stage girls (and guys too) come up with all sorts of revenge. Trolling on social networks, damage to his property, intrigue and persecution... All this is the result of acute feelings of the second stage - anger, rage and resentment.

I have already suggested above a way to get rid of these feelings on paper by writing them down and then burning them. This psychological technique works great for our brain. Feelings find a safe, adequate outlet. Their express accommodation takes place. And, at the same time, we did not harm anyone. Thus, we will have nothing to regret in the future.

Bidding stage

This is where nostalgia and doubt can overwhelm us. At this stage, we begin to see our own mistakes in relationships. And we are trying to get our ex back. At the same time, promising to behave differently. To be more flexible, to endure less (or not at all)…

The bidding stage is attempts to write the “correct” SMS to your ex-lover, to meet him by chance. Somehow attract his attention through mutual friends. If at this stage he fell for it and came back, then the relationship can resume. But, if attempts are unsuccessful, the next stage begins.

Depression. Apathy. Reluctance to move

Prostration. Disbelief in love and complete disappointment.

It is at this stage that love songs irritate us. We cannot see happy couples without disgust. We DON'T BELIEVE. We don't believe in love. We don't believe we'll ever meet anyone else.

And we say: “oh, I’m 20 (30, 40, 50..) I’ll never love anyone again. So I’ll be left alone.” The stage of depression is not the last. Because the last one-

Acceptance of the situation that happened

Dawn after a dark, protracted impenetrable night. And, it definitely happens! Believe me.

The desire to live arises, many plans appear. Enjoyment of life appears. Simple things begin to make you happy. Coffee in the morning, birds outside the window. It is at this stage that the real forgetting of the former beloved husband (boyfriend) occurs. The head is filled with new thoughts. Life is Beautiful! And you are ready to move on!

We learn new insights and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again

Lessons are learned through analysis.

Analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible and answering them in writing.

The more questions, the better.

Example.

1. Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner? Answer: myself!
2. Why did this happen, how did you allow this to happen? Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had little idea of ​​the person I wanted to see next to me.
3. What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what do I not allow in a relationship? The answer indicates the exact characteristics of personality, not appearance.
4. What have I learned and learned from past relationships?
5. What mistakes should I not make again with another partner?

Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write your answers to these questions.

This way, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for advice from a psychologist on how to quickly forget your loved one and start a new life.

We have a love addiction

Dependence on the attention of another person can be as obvious as a chemical dependence on substances and conditions. Only instead of liquids and powders - an object of love. Mood and self-esteem depend on its presence. With him I am everything, without him I am nothing. Complete loss of ego and painful attachment. It is not surprising that when they part, the whole world collapses. Ash flies in flakes, and instead of lenses there is cloudy glass. I want to lie on the floor and die crying.

It seems to us that this is really the same true love about which we read books and watched films. With this anguish, suffering and pain. But, alas, it is more like a disease.

The phenomenon of love addiction is being studied from all sides, including at the Higher School of Economics. To understand whether your attachment to your ex-partner is a non-chemical addiction, check the boxes where you responded:

• Narrowing the horizon of values. Nothing is important and nothing is valuable except the beloved. Work, family, friends, self-realization are nothing more than the sound of the surf. The strongest wave has already covered and is not letting go.
• Impersonal attitude towards a partner. This is not Masha, Pasha, Sasha, but a generalized object of adoration. The person himself may change, but the painful attachment remains.
• Loss of freedom. You do not determine or control your behavior. One’s own will and values ​​are insignificant compared to the attraction to a partner that destroys everything in its path.
• Loss of meaning in life without relationships. There is nothing higher and more significant than contact with a partner, everything else is zilch and emptiness. Being alone, it’s time to climb the wall and push everyone passing by and those idly interested into the inner hole.
• “Walking in circles” of partings and meetings. Here you are throwing stools at each other, and here you are again writing to each other that two days apart is too much. Then chaotic dates, frantic sex, sensual exhaustion. And together it’s hard, but apart it’s completely impossible.
• Emotional swing. Burning in the flame of feelings is interspersed with apathy, anxiety and melancholy. Now it’s so magical, and then there’s swearing and a break.
• Peak experiences of happiness, euphoria. In those rare moments when the oar is not hitting the ridge, it becomes absolutely wonderful. The entire consciousness is captured by completely mystical experiences. It seems that this is fate, unearthly pleasure and unity of souls. Here you are hugging, and an electric discharge hits your body.
• Filling the deficit, emptiness. Life before meeting my partner was unsettled and somehow humiliatingly disorderly. When light appeared in the window, everything fell into place. It even began to seem like there was no chaos. Here is the vector, here is the horizon.
• Unrealistic expectations. Hopes are placed on the partner as the last chance in life. I want him to stick to you and never, ever leave. Yes, to throw both his work and himself into a cauldron of boiling feelings.

Did you have at least half of these symptoms? Congratulations! This is another reason not to wait for time to heal everything. And there’s no reason to go drink at a bar. But it’s definitely worth changing your maladaptive attachment to something more viable. According to a University of Texas study published in the journal Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology, a strong love connection itself is biologically justified. Therefore, when we talk about love as an addiction, we initially divide it into safer and more perverted. In its painless form, this is a necessary mechanism that allows humanity to take care of each other and their children. Hormones of happiness, pleasure and trust are released near the object of affection. To definitely become attached to the family and not run away anywhere.

But among love addicts this reward mechanism is perverted to the point of impossibility.

Dopamine is released from all the cracks, and you want to press the reward pedal all the way. Literally press it into the floor and jump on it. Resources are depleted, you want to get more and more, but you have already given everything. And no one will tell you where to get it again. Parting with the object of our love addiction, we are doomed to pound and shake violently for more than one spring. Here you can either get treatment or replace one object with another. Otherwise he won't let go.

Don't be lonely: know that you always have an abundance of choice

You must have faith that you will have another person with even more emotional connection and chemistry. Know that you always have an abundance of choice. You can always find a soul mate.

There is no need to look at this as an everyday duty and a need to get a new partner as soon as possible.

Just understand that it is stupid to hold in your head what is no longer there until your death.

Accept change and don't resist it.

Any breakup you experience is a time of powerful growth for you.

Remember this and don’t worry anymore about how to forget the person you still like.

WHY CAN'T I forget my ex? –Method 3

Let's dig deeper. And again, let's be honest with ourselves. Why is it so hard to forget your ex?

In addition to the various feelings that we have for him, the main thing that does not let us forget is HOPE. As our outstanding psychologist M. Litvak said, “hope dies last. But, I would kill her first."

Hope for what?

• Most often, the fact that he “comes to his senses.
• She will understand that I was the best.
• That I loved him better than anyone.
• And that there is no one like me anymore.
• And then, one day, on a gloomy autumn day, he, having suffered, will crawl back.
• By that time he already realizes all his mistakes.
• And, he will change.
• He will crawl back completely different. No, the same, but without all the nasty things he did.”

Approximately this hope lives in the head of a woman (girl) who cannot forget and let go of her ex-man.

But, let's dig even deeper! What is behind this hope? Perhaps your unmet need for recognition? Having not reached the required level of self-love and a sense of one’s own unshakable value?

Why do you need THIS person to give you back the feeling of life? And then, in our reasoning, we can go even deeper.

To the origins, to the parents. To those parents (or other significant adults when you were a child). Which, due to busyness or lack of understanding of pedagogy (after all, only now everyone knows everything) could not give you this deep, unshakable sense of self-worth.

This unconscious belief in our own worth protects us, like a flu shot, from unrequited love and long-term forgetting of an ex.

If it was not enough, we, like little lost children, will sit and wait. Hope. Completely unconscious! But, at the same time, coming up with various excuses for myself - “oh, what sex it was. Oh, what a wonderful time we had...

But the fact remains. The person is no longer nearby. It's time to take a closer look at yourself: maybe it makes sense to love yourself ? To the point where you don’t need confirmation from the man who left you that you are valuable? Where can you look around and see many other great candidates around you?

Don't blame your old partner and don't hold a grudge against him, remove your bitterness

Some people like to continue texting their exes even a year after a breakup or calling them from time to time.

People hold onto anger and negativity from past relationships, which then manifest themselves and have an effect in the next relationship. Having the same type of thinking in a new relationship, all the old mistakes will be repeated again.

Don't get caught in this vicious, repeating circle.

A fine line. Instead of becoming angry with your partner, it is better to deeply thank him for what happened!

Through hatred, you yourself will maintain an energetic connection with your former lover, cling to him and why in vain give energy to negative thoughts. Do you need it?

We also talk about this in an article on how to protect yourself from energy vampires.

You can easily fall into such hatred. Get rid of it, and thereby remove the worries about how to forget the person who hurt you once.

We still see each other and have sex

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, contact with an ex-partner worsens and complicates adaptation to solo life. But it is precisely those who have taken the situation seriously and still continue to be strongly attached to their former lover. If separation is easily experienced and attachment is not so strong, then friendly contacts without sex, on the contrary, facilitate further adaptation to ordinary life.

The one who is not in so much pain offers to remain friends.

And it’s really more pleasant for him to return to a state of free flight. If feelings still burn and melt, then any subsequent meeting will be destructive. Sex complicates everything (as usual). Continuing to “fuck for old times’ sake,” you can smooth out the breakup, or you can completely collapse. There is no data on this yet, but no one is calling for you to check it with your own example. You can find out how fatal a breakup is for you here.

Realize that nothing is permanent in the world, everything comes and goes.

Look at it from the spiritual side.

• You were born alone and you will die alone. Nothing is eternal.
• Everything is constantly changing. And it is useless to resist change. These are the laws of the universe.
• Don't cling to old emotions and memories.
• Life is like a roller coaster. You're up and down. And that's what makes it interesting.

Accept it and be happy. On our website we also have 15 tips from a psychologist on how to get out of depression on your own.

By realizing this, you will save yourself from the dilemma of how you can forget the person you love very much and blindly.

How to stop loving a married man

You should look at the disadvantages that will appear in the event of a successful development of a romance with an unfree young man:

• Do not hope that he found his happiness and cheated on his wife as an exception. Perhaps, after a while, the same fate awaits you.
• You may believe that such a relationship is not serious, and at any moment switch to another, free guy. In fact, you are simply wasting time and missing the opportunity to have a normal relationship, wasting your energy on an affair, without the confidence that your loved one will ever leave you.
• At first, you will be pleased by the fact that a man chose you over his wife. Your consciousness is fueled by the thought that he is leaving his family and rushing to you. But, lonely holidays, weekends and conversations about his family await you. You will be second and the realization of this will come very quickly.
• With such an affair, you will not be able to enjoy family holidays together, establish small traditions, or feel desired and unique.
• Give other guys a chance to woo you. You don't need someone who has already been used, who has already experienced the joy of marriage or the birth of their first child. The second time his emotions will not be so sincere.

Reconsider the features of your personality, remind yourself of them

There is such an illusion after a breakup that now supposedly “you are not self-sufficient because you don’t have a soulmate.”

It is especially common among girls who are troubled by restless thoughts about how to forget the man they love.

When it's all over, it's time to go back and reconsider your personality.

It is important to remind yourself of them!

You can read more about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem in a new publication on the site.

You need to reconsider the new you who went through this whole journey with your past partner.

Continue to enjoy life while discovering and learning more about yourself.

Meditation: the power of love

This method will help you come to your senses and distance yourself from existing problems and worries. Love is a bright and vibrant feeling; there is no need to drive it away because of an absurd situation with a person. Use meditation to receive the flow of the power of love:

1. Take some time for yourself. Be alone. Turn on soft lights or dim the bright lights somehow to create a comfortable environment.
2. Sit comfortably so that nothing distracts you.
3. Close your eyes, relax. Reflect on where your love is and how it flows to you.
4. Without opening your eyes, imagine how your body is saturated with the warmth and light that comes from you. Mentally direct the light towards a loved one or beloved animal.
5. If you have done everything correctly, you will feel lightness and a desire to do good. A pleasant energy of warmth and comfort emanates from you; you accumulated it during meditation.

Repeating the process will help get rid of negativity. Your soul will once again be filled with positive energy and love for life and others.

Girls, to make it easier to let go of a person, you need to banish thoughts about the past from your head, gain willpower and wisdom. The sooner you take the necessary step towards a new life, the faster you will get rid of the burden of old feelings.

Tell us in the comments what method helped you let go of a person?

Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs

We attract who we are.

You must realize that you can attract a better partner.

But the paradox is that people themselves do not want to be with the best partner!

Why does this happen to people?

Because after a long relationship a person has taught himself : “I love my soulmate. I don’t want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us.”

Track these habits in yourself and get rid of them.

People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget a person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.

Conspiracy to forget your ex forever - Method 7

This is a template, you will insert your data

So-and-so (Name).. You have the following repulsive characteristics. I saw these features with my own eyes. And, “people don’t change.” You will always be like this. Next is a list of what really repulsed you about him. Important! Write this list down on paper. Moreover, preferably in a grotesque , that is, exaggerated form. The list of its shortcomings should be maximum . Reading this list, you must absolutely understand that you simply don’t need such a person!

This conspiracy needs to be written, you can print it out and hang it in a visible place. Your eyes, your brain should see that you are not interested in such a person!

That your life is filled with more interesting things than suffering for this defective comrade. And, even if you need to forget your beloved husband and have children , then this conspiracy will help you in this case too!

Don't look for a new partner out of revenge or to make your old one jealous.

• Don't fall into the trap of your ego! Don't have these low petty selfish motives.
• It is a grave mistake to find new partners only for the purpose of asserting yourself in the eyes of your ex!
• Otherwise, with such actions you will only strengthen the thought in your mind: “She/he is the only one.”
• And then all your selfish actions in order to cause jealousy or out of revenge are a big reaction to your ex-partner.
• Let it all go and enjoy a completely new partner and share your passion with each other.
• Have the perception “Now your ex is a random passerby” and there is no point in thinking about him.

Keep these principles in mind to help you close your questions about how to forget the person you love and see every day.

How to help a friend forget another person

If you see a loved one suffering from unrequited love, show unobtrusive participation. Of course, there is no need to convince him that his ex is a negative character.

Invite him for a walk, to the cinema, offer to go to another city for the weekend or sign up for courses together. Or ask for help by coming up with a serious reason. If he wants to participate, he will distribute his thoughts and spend time on another activity.

Don't make the following common mistakes that don't solve your problem:

What does NOT solve problems after a breakup:

1. Alcohol, any substances, random connections of meaning and benefit are zero.
2. Attempts to travel or move are all attempts to run away from the problem and pretend that it doesn’t exist. It’s like a soldier was shot in the leg, and he went out on a forced march to run a kilometer and pretends that everything is great for him.
3. Bringing up negative qualities in your ex and negative things in past relationships is another piece of absurd advice! Following him, you still think about him! You will spend a lot of energy on these thoughts; negativity takes a lot of energy.
4. Thinking about some other person is the most useless advice. This is tantamount to advice not to think about the pink elephant that still pops up in your head. Not thinking is also an action, which also consumes energy.

Better re

How to erase unrequited love from your memory

“You can’t be nice by force” – you don’t immediately understand the deep meaning and truthfulness of this phrase. Refuse to act on emotions and rash actions that will show you not in the best light.

Ask a question

Don’t be under the illusion that your chosen one will suddenly remember you. Don’t look for dates with him and don’t sort things out. He doesn't care, but you're ruining your nerves.

Don't spy on the details of its existence. Do not plot and do not weave intrigues. This will not help you get your loved one back. There is also no need to cry over lost love. Find time for more interesting things.