Every person at a certain period of his life begins to evaluate himself. Self-esteem can change depending on life circumstances, either positively or negatively. When talking about self-esteem, everyone understands what is meant, but it is not always possible to explain it in words. It has quite a few sides and shades: self-image, attitude towards oneself, feelings, etc. Psychologists have always been interested in whether self-esteem affects human behavior, so they thoroughly understood this issue.
Why do you need to believe in yourself?
The attitude of people towards a person depends to a large extent on how he perceives himself. If he is confident in his abilities and has self-respect, others will treat him similarly. When a person does not love himself, it is stupid and unreasonable to expect love from strangers.
As life shows, a person with low self-esteem tries to communicate with similar people. This gives him the illusion of self-affirmation, but in fact, internal uncertainty and dissatisfaction only increases.
Psychologists are confident that a person with stable and positive self-esteem can achieve a lot in life and achieve harmony.
Public opinion
Society dictates what a woman should do and when.
- Too fat - thinner.
- Too thin - dial it.
- If you put on too much makeup, wipe it off.
- You have bruises under your eyes - paint them over.
- Don't be so stupid.
- Don't be smart.
These settings can be listed endlessly. Any attempt to meet social standards leads to low self-esteem.
Moreover, the more a woman tries to “realize herself” and “improve herself,” the lower her self-esteem, although the situation seems opposite to us at first glance. A confident woman does not need to prove anything to anyone. If she does something for herself, then she does not need constant approval from others. Many women suffer, but push themselves to the limit to prove their worth.
Why is low self-esteem dangerous?
Answer to the question: “Does self-esteem influence a person’s behavior?” - definitely positive. There is a direct connection between how a person feels about himself and the quality of his life. People who treat themselves without due respect and consider themselves worthless are sure that their lives are also not worthy of making it better. Sometimes the situation changes if a person begins to make efforts and change his usual way of life. The psyche is designed in such a way that the more a person does, the more he appreciates it.
What does inner self-confidence give?
A person who is confident in himself, has his own position and knows how to defend it. He relies only on himself, although he is not afraid to entrust certain matters to others. A confident person is not afraid of change and always tries to improve his life. Unlike people who are dissatisfied with themselves, he takes responsibility for all his words and actions.
People with positive self-esteem usually have a fairly clear understanding of what they want. Goals and plans are clearly outlined, and the person confidently moves towards their implementation. People who are insecure can rarely describe specifically what they would like to change, and their goals are often incredibly inflated. They fail to achieve them, and their self-esteem drops even lower.
Naturally, high self-esteem will not save you from life’s difficulties and adversities, but it will be much easier to overcome them. A person who is confident in his abilities finds new methods to solve problems and perceives difficulties as a routine. People with low self-esteem prefer to hide from their sorrows. For them, any experience of failure is very painful and unsettles them for a long time. Therefore, they pretend that everything is fine with them and avoid making a decision.
Factors influencing the formation of self-esteem
The reasons for low self-esteem lie in childhood and are influenced by a number of factors.
Social
Even from infancy, the first inclinations of future self-esteem appear. Sometimes children grow up in an environment that does not meet the requirements of pedagogy and psychology. During upbringing in families and educational institutions, little attention is paid to individual and age-related characteristics, and they do not take into account that the child must make his own assessment of the world.
Ideas in society are distorted, so it is impossible to achieve full cultural and social development.
If a person's self-esteem is influenced by the attitude of other people, then his position in society will also influence it. It is assessed not based on the achievements of a particular person, but by looking at the status of the family. Therefore, at a young age, in order to establish one’s own value, it matters what relatives, friends and neighbors think about him.
Personal
In forming an opinion about himself, a person is guided by his own behavior, internal standards and values. The more discrepancies with the standard view of the world, the lower the self-esteem.
Although people evaluate themselves and other people according to the same criteria, they are more strict with themselves. The formation of self-esteem involves internal experiences that others do not have access to.
Serious changes in personality self-esteem are observed in adolescence. Children begin to pay more attention to appearance and listen to the opinions of others. They begin to be critical of themselves, noticing the slightest shortcomings and highlighting their strengths. Age-related characteristics prevent you from adequately assessing yourself and drawing the right conclusions. A self-esteem test for teenagers will help detect problems with self-esteem. Parents and teachers must take measures of psychological influence to prevent the teenager from becoming an insecure and uninitiative person.
Life depends on your attitude towards yourself. When underestimating one's abilities, a person is prone to passivity, is less popular, constantly seeks confirmation of his own inferiority, and becomes dependent on outside opinions. Such people do not believe compliments and often remain lonely. Diagnosing the problem will help you select methods and technologies to solve it.
Family
Self-esteem is formed in the family.
Psychologists are convinced that the structure of personality is formed during the first five years of life.
At this time, the child feels vulnerable and emotionally attached to the family. Therefore, parents must provide help and understand what consequences are possible if they mistreat their child.
Low self-esteem arises if they demand obedience, teach you to adapt to other people and be neat, and interact with others without conflict. If a child is prohibited from doing many things and his right to his own opinion is not taken into account, then this causes an inadequate assessment. If parents say that he won’t succeed, that he is not educated enough and similar things, then gradually the child will think that this is so, because who knows better than his mother what is right.
Such communication with children, an attempt to put them in a subordinate position leads to psychological breakdown. This destroys the child’s trust; he perceives the world around him with hostility and does not consider himself valuable to it. To raise self-esteem, parents should demand less from their children, and support more and allow them to make their own decisions.
Average self-esteem is formed if parents take a condescending and patronizing position towards the child. They are tolerant of children's behavior, but do not allow them to act and make decisions on their own, as this causes anxiety. The child is prevented from gaining independent experience and opening up outside the home.
Next on the scale is high self-esteem. It appears if the child lives in a close-knit and solidary family, where they support and respect each other. In the child’s eyes, the parents are successful, the mother has a positive attitude towards herself and her husband. In such families, children readily follow the patterns of behavior given to them and feel confident in their abilities. They are not exposed to stress, are friendly, live by the principle of a realistic assessment of themselves, and cultivate strengths and weaknesses.
Children who tend to overestimate their self-esteem only go forward, they set goals and try to achieve them by any means. Those who are accustomed to underestimating their capabilities prefer modest goals and are not confident that they will achieve them.
To avoid low self-esteem syndromes and provide the child with self-confidence, parents must be willing to perceive him as he is, but objectively, without excessive condescension. Discipline should be built on the principles of justice, establish clear and achievable standards of behavior for the child, and provide him with a value system that will allow him to become an individual with reliable guidelines, capable of differentiating successful actions from unsuccessful ones.
In education, you need to use general principles, and not give scattered instructions that are confusing. In the future, this will provide confidence in actions and create favorable conditions for forming an opinion about yourself.
If parents provide external control at the proper level, this will form the ability to control their actions. The social environment for the child will be orderly, and he will feel comfortable in the world and will trust others. This will teach you how to regulate relationships with other individuals.
But when social reinforcement is vague and inconsistent, self-esteem is damaged.
If you outline the images and rules of behavior, this method will allow you to create a self-image in a child. Research shows that already in the early stages of his development, a person learns to understand the difference between himself and other people, understands how desires differ from reality.
Parental demands demonstrate parental concern for well-being. Therefore, if you tell him: “Do whatever you want, just leave me alone,” this shows that he is not worth caring for.
Self-esteem tests help identify its level. Tests are carried out in adolescence, since during this period deviations in personality formation are more pronounced.
Principles of "self"
Self-assessment of activity based on the principle of “self” is also called internalization of other people’s assessments. This is the theory of the mirror self. Such shifts are sustainable and, along with the main self-esteem, those that were not affected by the assessment of society change. When receiving an inflated group assessment, the level of aspiration gradually increases, which goes beyond the limits of qualities considered positive.
More global metamorphoses under the influence of external assessments are observed if a person thinks that all his comrades have this opinion about him. But it is worth remembering that people’s temperament and sensitivity to other people’s opinions differ. There are people who don't care about the opinions of others. But there are also individuals who try to meet the expectations of others and rebuild themselves according to their desires. They are sensitive to negative judgments about themselves.
This indicator determines the degree of development of self-esteem, self-worth and a positive attitude towards one’s “I”. If symptoms of low confidence are identified, you need to figure out how to improve your self-esteem. Many techniques are used for this, so you can choose the right one for each specific case and get rid of the problem.
It is necessary to correct personal problems, since subsequently the person will limit communication with others and protect himself from emotions. He will become a lonely hermit, which, combined with uncertainty and the belief in his own uselessness, will turn life into a real hell.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
Harmony and mental health
When studying how self-esteem affects health, it is necessary to understand that in order for a person to achieve psychological comfort, he must trust himself. It will not be possible to form this feeling if self-esteem is very low and there is no self-respect. Then the person will behave inconsistently and break the promises he made to himself.
People with low self-esteem often go to extremes: they either completely ignore their own experiences and succumb to the influence of others, or give in to their emotions completely, not paying attention to the signals of the mind.
We are what we think about ourselves
In conclusion, I would like to emphasize how important it is to become aware of how you treat yourself . Because we achieve exactly what we consider acceptable for ourselves. Accordingly, if we think badly about ourselves, then we will not allow good things for ourselves. After all, this is not about me, it’s good for others, but bad for me. Aggressive husband, disobedient children, hard work with little salary.
The reverse principle works in the same way. I am capable, I can do a lot, so I will probably achieve what I want to achieve and who I want to be. A happy family, friends who love me, a great boss at work - I deserve it. In general, you should learn to praise yourself and at the same time correctly formulate your desires.
You deserve to be happy, so be happy! June was with you.
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How does self-esteem affect relationships with people?
The influence of self-esteem on a person’s behavior in society should not be underestimated. Your attitude towards yourself is also reflected in your relationships with others. A person who values and respects himself does not associate his actions and actions with the opinions of other people. He calmly accepts disagreements and is not afraid of disapproval. In conflict situations, he does not lose respect either for himself or for those whose opinions differ from his own.
Does self-esteem influence human behavior? Psychologists insist that independence and internal freedom make it possible to independently navigate one’s behavior, make decisions and take responsibility for them. Such a person does not try to create a fictitious image just to earn approval.
Lack of self-confidence makes people seek approval from others. They think that this way they will be in demand and will be appreciated. But it is impossible to develop self-respect at the expense of others. This is achieved by internal work, which is not related to the actions and opinions of others.
The process of forming self-esteem
The beginning of self-awareness as an individual begins in childhood. The child learns to understand the essence of comparisons, and self-esteem develops. Parents should be careful when speaking about their children's progress; telling them that others are doing better is not motivating.
A teenager should not think that his loved ones love him only if he surpasses his peers. He needs support and faith. But praising does not help to form adequate self-esteem. If adults raised a child on praise, then after puberty he will not develop and eradicate shortcomings.
Excessive amounts of compliments and flattery contribute to the fact that in adulthood a person will be unsociable. This behavior is the result of a combination of parental actions and harsh reality.
Problems with self-esteem arise under the influence of the environment, financial situation, and education. The development of low confidence occurs in school. If in adolescence a person was bullied in an educational institution, he will struggle with complexes and phobias all his life.
Self-doubt is aggravated by comparing your financial situation with successful people. But self-esteem is an indicator that does not remain for life, but is constantly changing.
Protection from conviction
When thinking about whether self-esteem influences a person’s behavior, it is worth noting that people with low self-esteem react very painfully to any criticism and disapproval. They try in every possible way to protect themselves from condemnation. Experts identify four main methods of removal.
- Accusation. If this method is used, a person constantly looks for someone to blame and, naturally, finds one. He finds fault with little things and is always dissatisfied with everything.
- Ingratiation. In this case, an insecure person is ready to do literally anything for others just to be satisfied with him. He never argues and always waits for instructions.
- Calculation. By choosing this path, people completely block their emotions and never show what they feel. They speak in a monotone voice and their words are often abstract.
- Suspension. A person never reacts to what others do. He talks on neutral topics and does not answer questions. With his entire appearance, the person demonstrates that he does not hear anything, and in general he is not here.
All these types may have different variations, but the goal is the same: to protect yourself from attacks and criticism.
Low self-esteem and human behavior
Such people always consider others smarter, happier and more successful than themselves. They usually perceive criticism quite painfully, blaming only themselves for all problems.
This way of thinking develops in them:
- timidity;
- excessive uncertainty;
- phobias;
- feelings of inferiority;
- inertia.
Low self-esteem is sometimes formed due to subjective factors. Temperament or intense nervous activity affects the perception of one’s “I”.
Along with these personality traits, a person's appearance also changes. A gloomy face, lowered head, stoop and hesitant gait prevent others from perceiving him adequately. They see only anger in him and do not want to make contact. As a result, the individual is isolated from society and plunged into the elements of loneliness.
What will help improve self-esteem?
The level of self-esteem influences all a person’s actions, but it can be raised through internal work. Self-respect should not depend on the opinions of others. The more a person takes care of himself and his life, the higher his self-esteem. Caring can take different directions.
You need to be sensitive to your own emotions; you cannot completely ignore them. Then internal discomfort increases, and achieving harmony will be very difficult. It is useful to ask yourself questions about what feelings are being experienced at the moment, what reaction to what is happening, and what is the assessment of your own reaction. They will help you understand and understand what causes an inner feeling of pride, and what, on the contrary, causes uncertainty and self-condemnation.
Factors influencing the development of self-esteem also include one’s own attitude towards other people. When a person accepts others as they are and behaves towards them honestly and sincerely, he begins to respect himself more and be proud of himself.
What is the difference between female self-esteem and male self-esteem?
Women's self-esteem is significantly different from men's. A woman is constantly suppressed by society, imposing many standards that must either be met or tolerated by others.
A man forms his self-esteem thanks to his parents. For example, attention from the opposite sex, sports victories, and promotions on the career ladder have a positive impact on self-esteem. A woman can experience all of the above in her life, but her self-esteem will be much lower than that of a man.
Let's figure out what 5 factors influence women's self-esteem.
What lowers self-esteem?
Psychologists identify the main mistakes that reduce self-esteem and prevent a person from appreciating himself.
- Self-pity. A person who constantly remembers his failures feels unhappy and feels helpless because he can no longer change anything. People who are unable to manage their own lives often feel sorry for themselves. They surrender to the mercy of those around them and watch from the side how they themselves “float” with the flow. A person who is accustomed to feeling sorry for himself allows himself to be criticized, offended and hurt.
- Accusations and complaints. It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to take responsibility. It is much more convenient for him to blame someone else for his own failures. By belittling others, he rises and rehabilitates himself in his own eyes. Often a person blames others for his weaknesses and endows them with qualities that he does not like in himself.
- The habit of considering oneself a hopeless person. Aspects of self-esteem that influence people's behavior include analyzing one's own shortcomings. A negative attitude towards oneself also manifests itself externally: constrained movements, lowered head, dull eyes. A person with high self-esteem is physically relaxed and calm.
How to save your life
If parents and close people of the pupil often scolded for any mistakes, were unfair, pushed away or did not pay enough attention, then they thereby cultivated a low level of self-esteem . After all, no matter what you do, everything is wrong. Confidence in failure appears.
The effect is especially enhanced if it was not the action that was evaluated, but the person himself, for example, “you are incompetent,” “you are unable to do this well,” etc. Usually, the parents of such a child themselves suffer from self-dislike .
It is not difficult to imagine how the life of an “unlucky” person will turn out. The instinct of self-preservation will force him to avoid any situations whose outcome is unclear. Therefore, all social contacts, professional connections, and personal values will be distorted by an internal negative attitude toward failure.
Of course, I am now presenting extreme options. But there are many such examples
in life . Fear of learning and, as a result, bad grades, anxiety before a new job - lack of growth, fear of the opposite sex - lack of healthy relationships, lack of confidence in oneself, in one’s abilities. If these emotions and sensations accompany you constantly and you are not a teenager, then you should think about your own level of self-esteem.
For an adult with adequate self-perception, these may be one-time manifestations caused by hormonal levels, physical health, or a period of crisis. They will not affect academic success, establishing contacts with people, or developing professional interests.
A person with a negative attitude towards his own person has a life that is subordinated to states of fear, anxiety, and apprehension. It's like a trap from which it is difficult to get out, but it is possible. Remember, Munchausen had enough of his own hair!
So in our case, you can help yourself by turning to specialists, or at the cost of natural perseverance and determination. If you are ready for the second option, read my article “ How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem .”
Showing insecurity
Two main criteria for their behavior will help identify people with low self-esteem.
- Reaction to criticism. Insecure people are very sensitive to even constructive criticism, and take all comments personally. Low self-esteem does not allow a person to adequately assess the situation, admit and correct his own mistakes.
- Use of masks. People who put on various masks consider themselves worse than everyone else and try to play someone else's role. Thinking about the question: “Low self-esteem and its impact on a person’s life,” they try to hide their true feelings and demonstrate self-confidence. This can be expressed through boasting, loud laughter, or familiarity.
Effective methods to increase self-esteem
The most important step on the path to self-improvement is to recognize that there is a problem. Often a person disguises it behind other feelings and deliberately avoids resolving the issue. As soon as awareness comes, you can safely move on to the following methods of increasing self-confidence:
- Keep a diary of achievements. This step does not require any serious financial or time expenditure. It's simple: at the end of each day, take 10-15 minutes to write down your small and big victories that happened to you today. Maybe you read a book or finally got up an hour earlier than usual? You can always find a reason to praise. This will help you develop a positive mindset every day and focus your vision on personal success. It is important to re-read your notes daily.
- Change your environment. Evaluate those with whom you communicate most often. If there are negative people in your circle, refuse to interact with them. More often you are in the company of positive and successful people who are confident and have a positive attitude towards you.
- Play sports. The best way to distract yourself and clear your thoughts of negativity is physical exercise. In addition, if low self-esteem is associated with external data, sports will help you get in shape. By the way, during sports, our body produces the hormone of happiness - dopamine.
- Give up self-criticism and soul-searching. You won’t be able to increase your self-esteem if you constantly scold yourself for something or constantly express dissatisfaction with your appearance and abilities. Praise yourself more often and think positive thoughts.
- Avoid comparisons. Each of you is a unique person with your own individual set of qualities, strengths and weaknesses. Remember that there will always be those who have achieved greater results than you. In this case, it is worth taking an example from them, and not engaging in self-flagellation. Better yet, compare yourself today with yourself yesterday, and track your growth by recording your achievements in the diary we talked about above.
- Listen and say affirmations. Affirmation is a positive judgment that creates the right psychological attitude. These are our statements and beliefs, thoughts, feelings and desires that we want to have right now. It is important to formulate affirmations in the present tense. For example: “I have a prestigious and highly paid job”, “I am beautiful and healthy”, “I am a happy person”.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Yes, many people have heard about this method, but not everyone decides to do it, because it’s so comfortable and safe to be in your “shell.” Face your problem. Do you feel insecure when you are in a new company? Visit crowded places and events more often and be the first to start a conversation. Our online program “Best Communication Techniques” will be an excellent assistant for you, where you will learn how to interact more effectively with people thanks to interesting communication techniques. You just have to take a step and you will understand that everything is not as scary as it seemed at first glance.
- Attend trainings. There are many different training activities aimed at increasing self-esteem and gaining self-confidence, so all you have to do is choose the one that’s right for you. If you are not yet ready to take the training, watch a movie or read a book on a current topic.
- Forgive yourself. Uncertainty is often a consequence of feeling guilty about oneself. None of us are immune from mistakes, and it is important to be able to forgive ourselves for them. Write yourself a note and tell in it about your feelings, emotions, thoughts, problems, failures, and be sure to forgive yourself in writing for everything for which you feel guilty.
- Meditate. Meditation helps you completely relax physically and let go of your thoughts. There are many different techniques aimed at getting rid of self-resentment and achieving peace.
Self-confidence is not an innate quality, but rather formed in the process of life. Your main task on the path to healthy self-esteem is to love yourself, learn to believe in your own strength, which is only possible through daily work on yourself and your thoughts.
Do what you love, do not deny yourself small and big joys, always think about the good and then everything will work out!
Good luck!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP
- Formation of self-awareness
- Formation of self-esteem in children
- Formation of correct self-esteem
- Conditions for character formation
- Overcoming impostor syndrome
- The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence
- Three masks of pathological narcissism
- Self-criticism
- Psychological picture
Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation
