Every day a person is faced with the fact that his activities and actions are evaluated by others . As a child, parents and educators evaluate his actions: “You did well!” or “You can’t do that!” Then his progress is assessed by teachers at school: “If I had put in a little more effort, I would have given him an A!” Based on the assessment of others, a person develops an idea of himself, which includes a set of personal characteristics and a general assessment of himself as a representative of society. The idea of one’s own significance and importance, the ability to see one’s strengths and weaknesses in psychology is called self-esteem.
Is high self-esteem good or bad?
Inflated self-esteem
Every manifestation of human qualities has its own advantages and disadvantages. So a person with high self-esteem wins something.
So, among the advantages of such behavior is that he has enough confidence to do things that someone who is not confident in himself will not do. He is not afraid to express his own opinion and defend it.
Perhaps thanks to this, a person will achieve success faster. After all, self-confidence is so high that there can definitely be no mistakes. More often than not, having the right attitude does half the job. A person’s high self-esteem can lead him to success.
However, such people also have certain disadvantages that can cause a lot of problems:
- Difficulties in society . It is difficult to communicate with such people because they treat everyone with disdain. Sooner or later everyone will get tired of this.
- Difficulties in relationships . Again, it's a matter of neglect. Such people are also called narcissists. If you cannot tolerate all the attacks of such a person, then it is better not to get close to him. He is used to having love given to him, but he himself does not give anything to anyone.
- Failures . If you do not take circumstances into account, but only satisfy your own ambitions, then in the end you may end up with nothing.
As you can see, there will be more disadvantages in such a character than advantages. Those who have adequate self-esteem most often achieve success.
Confident people attract others
When you exude confidence, you attract other people. Your partner finds you increasingly attractive and may want to make certain commitments, realizing how interesting you are to other people.
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Signs of a person with high self-esteem - how to recognize?
Signs of inflated self-esteem
When a person has too high an opinion of himself, this in any case manifests itself in his behavior. In this case, everything manifests itself in behavior with others. If self-confidence is at the highest level, then problems often arise during communication. Ultimately, the person may end up lonely.
So, a person’s inflated self-esteem has some signs:
- A person believes that he is always right. He gives any arguments in his favor, but they have no effect on the person himself. Moreover, he may even accuse you that you yourself are to blame for everything, but not him.
- For him there is only one point of view and rest assured that it is definitely not yours. A person denies any other opinions on certain issues and considers them incorrect. Even if it turns out wrong in the end.
- Another sign is that he always tries to have the last word. He is confident that only he can draw conclusions and determine the course of events.
- Such a person does not know how to ask for forgiveness. In general, of course, this is understandable, because he always believes that he is right. It simply cannot be any other way.
- Having high self-esteem, a person blames everyone except himself for his own failures. If something doesn’t work out for him, then it’s not his fault, but someone else’s. But if he achieves success together with someone, then this is his personal merit.
- He believes that no one else can be called the best except him. Especially in relationships. He will always consider himself the best lover, husband, etc., even if this is far from the case.
- He strives to be the first in everything and not make mistakes.
Levels of self-esteem
- He always expresses his opinion even if he is not asked about it. He thinks that his thoughts are of interest to everyone on absolutely every issue.
- Often says “I” rather than “We” or someone else.
- With any failure, he becomes irritated and lost. It is very easy to throw him off course.
- He takes other people's criticism with hostility. He considers someone else's opinion to be incorrect and even disrespectful to himself.
- He is not able to soberly take into account all the risks. Often self-confident people take on difficult tasks that are beyond their strength and are fraught with danger.
- They are afraid of looking helpless and weak. Such manifestations are unusual for them, because they can harm the overall image.
- Too selfish.
- For them, personal interests will always be a priority.
- Always talks a lot and doesn't listen to anyone. He believes that his stories are much more interesting and important.
- In every little thing, he teaches others how to do it correctly and, again, do not forget that for him only his opinion is correct.
- Often an arrogant tone appears in conversation.
What it is
People who think only about themselves have always evoked not very pleasant feelings among others. What is egoism? Selfishness is when a person puts his own interests above the interests of the people around him. He believes that achieving his goals is most important. Psychologists call such egoism “primitive.” And more intelligent, well-mannered people understand perfectly well that sometimes you need to listen to the opinions of others.
Reasonable egoism is when a person, when achieving his goals, also takes into account the interests of others. A person understands that he can satisfy his ambitions only if he benefits society. Of course, a reasonable egoist also wants to achieve his goals, but the ways to achieve them differ in wisdom.
Reasonable egoists understand that they need to have a sense of proportion and that not all methods are suitable for satisfying their ambitions. Such a person is distinguished by an ethical attitude towards others, respect for their opinions, lack of aggression and a willingness to cooperate with other people.
How to communicate with a person with high self-esteem?
How to communicate with a person with high self-esteem?
As we have already said, when a person has inflated self-esteem, it will be very difficult to live with him. Surely you have met such individuals who are always too self-confident, speak only to themselves and never listen to others, and in general, only themselves are important to them, and they do not pay attention to the feelings of others.
Some people simply stop communicating with them, but this is not always possible. In this case, you can reduce the harm from communicating with a person with high self-esteem.
Psychologists recommend the following:
- Don't be fooled by provocations . Often such people manipulate others and, I must say, they do it very well. The main thing you must remember is that during communication he will definitely make you out to be the aggressor, blame you for his own failures and make you doubt the correctness of your judgment. People with high self-esteem really like this technique called gaslighting. This means that with their words they seem to undermine the picture of reality. You can often hear phrases from them: “Are you crazy?”, “This didn’t happen and couldn’t happen!”, “It seemed to you,” “Of course I behaved like that, you’re crazy,” and so on. Always assess the situation objectively and do not fall for these provocations.
- Don't take the blame for their own mistakes . In general, of course, it’s better not to let narcissistic people into your life at all. But if this happens, then simply say “No” to their complaints and don’t even start making excuses or explaining anything. If you are too afraid of ruining the relationship, you will have to remain silent or agree. There is no point in arguing here. You can break through their defense a couple of times, but it will certainly come back to haunt you.
- Don't feed their ego . Such people simply need someone to praise them. If you do not want to communicate with such a person, then just stop praising him. He himself will lose interest in you.
- Destroy projections . It is unlikely that the moment will ever come when a person with high self-esteem admits his guilt. Most often, he begins to build projections, that is, a defense in order to shift the blame for his own character onto another. For example, if a girl doesn’t have enough attention, she will most likely call the man intrusive during a quarrel so that he feels guilty. You can overcome this technique if you stop showing compassion and say that it is not he who is intrusive. At the same time, you should not insult anyone or speak rudely.
- Don't take my word for it . Always be careful with such a person. Never do your part of a promise until he has done his. Otherwise, you will not be able to achieve anything, because he has already received his, and your feelings are not important to him.
How to deal with a narcissistic person?
- Don't trust anything personal . It may seem like they aren't listening to you, but that's not true. They remember all the most offensive things and will definitely use it if something happens. By the way, they will definitely tell you all your secrets. They won't even think that it's not worth telling. Moreover, they will never sympathize. Your revelations are not interesting to them. They will listen first and then continue talking to themselves.
- Don't try to re-educate . This is impossible. Of course, you want to put a stubborn person in his place, but negativity only gives him strength. This way he will be even more confident that he is right in everything. And you will only waste your nerves.
A person’s high self-esteem is an internal idea of himself, just like low self-esteem. It shows your attitude towards the world and society as a whole.
When self-esteem is too high, it means that a person does not see himself as he is. He invents an image for himself. Moreover, he incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and idealizes himself too much. He thinks that he is the smartest and most sensible, and also handsome and successful. Accordingly, if he sets a goal for himself, he will definitely achieve it, even despite his family and friends who may get in the way. But often such people hide fear and uncertainty inside, and narcissism is a defensive reaction from everyone.
What you brag about... I would be ashamed of it
- You need to love yourself. But not to the detriment of others. I just want to shout about it!
- Sometimes you just want to punch another arrogant beauty in the face. But I'm a lady, I can't.
- I hope that everything in this world is very changeable, and I will never meet you again.
- I feel sorry for talented people with low self-esteem. If only someone would lower it for all the arrogant people out there. At least for a little bit...
- Persistent people are always lucky. But this makes the people around us unlucky.
- Arrogance is what makes others depressed. But who really cares?
- Yes, I'm better than you. At least because I don’t force my opinion on anyone.
- Good for you for knowing your worth. But it’s suspicious how often you voice it...
- I'm ready to compete, and even fight. But I can't understand why I have to prove anything to arrogant people.
- It would be better if you just stayed by my side in difficult times, and didn’t promise me a mountain of everything!
- If you see in correspondence that a person is arrogant, run away from him. Moreover, don’t start dating.
- I'm sad that your arrogance, dear, prevents us from being a normal, adequate couple.
- Remember, baby, once and for all: it is self-confidence that attracts, and arrogance that repels.
- It seems to you that you are somehow better than me. Maybe yes. But I won't let you hurt me!
- Look at you. How are you not disgusted with yourself? Who needs you anyway, so arrogant?
- I'm just sorry I wasted so much time on you. And so... Be whatever you want.
- You pretend to be such an imposing wooden chair. But in fact, it’s a very ordinary stool.
- I thought you were arrogant, but in reality you're just jealous. Hmmm, that's how it happens.
- Arrogant classmates annoy me. Kind of successful. I barely recognized them on the street, and it would be better not to recognize them at all :D.
- I would love to repay you in kind. But, thank God, I changed my mind in time.
- I thought for a long time why you didn’t appreciate me. Then I realized that you just turned your nose up a lot, and I calmed down.
- If someone makes a joke about your figure, don't be shy about making a joke about their brain, or at least their tact.
- The main thing is that you, bunny, remain your ideal. Thank God, I have already made my conclusions.
- Dear girls, please increase your self-esteem. This will save you a lot of assholes in the future.
How to get rid of high self-esteem: advice from a psychologist
Unfortunately, when a person’s overestimated self-esteem prevails, he can hardly be called happy. After all, he loses contact with the real world and lives in some fictitious place of his own. Well, if you don’t attach importance to reality, then you shouldn’t be surprised that problems arise.
How to fix self-esteem?
So, if you want to make your life better and achieve what you want, it is important to understand how you can generally improve the situation.
Psychologists advise dealing with high self-esteem in the following ways:
Learn to hear others
You must realize that everyone is a unique person. Until you learn to appreciate this, no one will accept you. It is difficult and sometimes even impossible to communicate with someone who has his own priorities in life. Only people who exhibit victim behavior can accept this. So you should not act as you would not want to be treated. Learn self-control.
Show you care
Everyone has their own dreams, desires and needs. What you like should not be liked by others. Here you can never find who is right or wrong. Caring should be based on the person's needs, not yours. This will show that you notice him.
One interesting example is a mother who is overprotective of her son. Although he lives separately, she constantly comes to him, brings food and things that he does not need. He is mortally offended by all attempts at resistance and, of course, this affects his health. It turns out that mom seems to care, but too much, and doesn’t even allow her to breathe.
This is also how those who find themselves next to a person with high self-esteem feel. Only at the same time he also uses directiveness, as if claiming that he knows better what you need.
Therefore, the interests of those you care about must be taken into account.
Be wrong
How to lower self-esteem?
In this case, it means that everyone has the right to make mistakes and no one is perfect. It will be hard, but remember that sometimes losing is even better. No matter how difficult it may be for you, admit that you are not perfection and this sets you apart.
It's hard to live next to a person who is perfect in everything. Of course, this doesn’t happen, but you think differently. You don't want to be alone, do you? Therefore, you must be aware of your mistakes and accept, and also not shift responsibility to others.
Stop flaunting your assets
There is no need to specifically show off your strengths. People will definitely notice them. If you often brag and focus only on yourself, then you will not achieve anything except disgust and disappointment. They definitely won't love you. Well, if you also belittle others at this moment, then you are also guaranteed aggression.
Love yourself
Despite the fact that people with high self-esteem look like narcissists, they do not love themselves. They think differently, but they do it somehow “clumsily.”
Anyone who values himself will not tell everyone about his qualities so that they will be noticed. He doesn't care about outside assessments. Learn to be silent and take action. They will definitely be appreciated.
Self-criticism
If you have any failures or problems, then do not place responsibility on others. Think about what you yourself did that led to this result. There is no need to blame yourself, but it would be worth learning from mistakes and drawing conclusions.
Rivalry
If you are trying to seem better than others, then think about whether you need it? Understand that you must overcome your own limitations, and not assert yourself at the expense of others.
Of course, competition provides good motivation, but you only need to do it when there is a need. Competition just for the sake of competition doesn't look good. This leads you into a trap and deprives you of the joy of victory.
If you decide that you have high self-esteem and want to overcome it, then do not be afraid to contact your loved ones. They will help you correct your behavior and tell you what exactly you are doing wrong. Just be prepared for criticism, and you will also have to look at things realistically.
Your beliefs determine your condition
What story have you been telling yourself about why you do or don't feel confident? What would you believe to tell yourself all this? What happens if you start telling yourself the truth? What will it cost you if you don't stop lying to yourself? Your self-esteem is formed from your beliefs. If you want to become an attractive and confident person, you must change your beliefs and start feeling good about yourself.
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Causes
Self-esteem is a component of character. Partially it is laid before birth, transmitted with genes from the mother and father. The other part is developed during life under the influence of upbringing and environment.
The reasons for low self-esteem are similar: improper upbringing, reproaches from teachers, appearance that does not meet recognized standards of beauty.
Upbringing
Self-esteem changes during adolescence, and the foundations are formed in early childhood, thanks to the adequate attitude of adults towards the child.
Teenagers with inflated egos grow up in overprotective families. If relatives always emphasize the uniqueness of the child, they cultivate narcissism in him.
Focus on both achievements and mistakes. This way the child will learn to realistically assess his potential and will avoid such mistakes in the future.
Unreasonable positive attitude of teachers and teachers
Teachers tend to find favorites. This will not necessarily be the smartest student. Appearance, sweet smile, manner of conversation - a teacher who does not know a student well is captivated by these qualities.
The student considers himself chosen. In the future, narcissism is expressed more strongly and goes beyond the walls of the educational institution.
Lack of self-testing
Having adequate self-esteem throughout life can lead to becoming a “narcissist” at an older age. This happens when a person suddenly fulfills his own dreams.
He easily enters and graduates from university and finds a prestigious job without any problems. There is confidence in your uniqueness and outstanding abilities. It inflates your ego. And when failure occurs, it is perceived as a personal insult and injustice.
Appearance
People with model appearance tend to consider themselves superior to others. This is especially evident among women. A woman's self-esteem is largely determined by her appearance.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
It is easier for such ladies to get a job and find a partner. Not testing your abilities further increases your self-esteem.
Financial security
When a person does not need anything and gets everything he needs without difficulty thanks to finances, self-esteem goes through the roof. The more money, the easier it is to achieve your goal, the stronger your pride.
Having a rare natural talent
A rare talent increases the distance between a person and others. Such an individual considers himself different from others. If at first this is visible only in the sphere of activity of a narcissistic person, over time, inflated self-esteem determines all actions and decisions.
