How to get rid of selfishness: advice from a psychologist. Selfishness in relationships: how to identify and overcome?

It can be quite difficult to discern an egoist in a person, especially if he is dear to you. Some of us are overly kind, so they will always justify the egoist close to them. But those who use people, pursuing only their own benefit, cling to those who give the slightest slack, not caring at all that they are hurting someone.

Do you want to get rid of selfishness? It's not as simple as it seems at first glance. But you can definitely overcome this negative feeling if you make an effort.

Where does selfishness come from?

Excessive manifestation of selfishness does not allow you to build a relationship with a partner. The manifestation of this quality is that a person puts himself above his beloved and thinks only about his feelings. Selfishness manifests itself constantly. This is not a one-time phenomenon that you can put up with. Selfish people cannot adequately relate to their own personality. All a person’s thoughts are connected with selfish goals that will satisfy his wishes. Such people become greedy and dependent on material values. They do not listen to relatives and can even betray them.

The appearance of a second child

Many parents sooner or later decide to have another child in the family.

What needs to be provided:

• calculate your strength correctly. How much time passes between the birth of the first and second child does not matter. The main thing is that you are ready to give your care and attention to two children at once. But doctors still recommend keeping a period of one and a half to two years between pregnancies so that the woman’s body can recover and prepare for the birth of a new life;
• To avoid jealousy and negative attitudes, prepare your first-born in advance for the birth of a brother or sister. Let him participate with you in choosing toys, furniture and accessories for the newborn;
• Explain to your elder the basic rules of behavior with small children. Tell him that at first his brother will neither walk nor talk, but will only lie in his crib. Then he will learn to crawl and make sounds, and soon he will stand on his feet, and you can already play and walk with him;
• if your firstborn wants to help you with your newborn, don’t refuse him. But don’t make him a nanny either. The eldest, like the youngest child, has the right to childhood;
• immediately stop any attempts at jealousy. Tell your children more often that mom and dad love them equally;
• the famous child psychologist, writer, and also a mother of many children, Ekaterina Burmistrova, advises before the birth of her second child to teach her firstborn three necessary skills: to be able to wait, to express one’s desires in words and to feel the emotional state of an adult.

Reasons for purchasing it

Selfishness comes from human thinking. The desire to constantly elevate oneself appears in childhood. If a child receives too much attention or is deprived of it, he develops a negative attitude towards people. The spoiled teenager was used to having his homework done for him, his room cleaned, and his every whim fulfilled. Having matured, he expects from others what he received from his parents.

If a child did not receive enough attention from his parents, he wants to compensate for this. This manifests itself in elevating oneself over others. A person does not always do this intentionally. His upbringing affected him in such a way that it becomes difficult to change his thinking. He must want it himself.

Selfishness is living with your own mind, following your desires.

Did you know that an egoist is actually a person who wants other people to do as he wants, but at the same time he still cares not only about himself, but also about others, and also takes into account the opinion those around you.
In addition, he himself does not do as others tell him, following only his own desires and goals. And yet, why are such people in the modern world called egoists when making independent decisions and being willing to take responsibility for them? In fact, everything is explained simply. As everyone has long known, people are social creatures who live according to the rules of the society where they were born and live. Thus, the child cannot yet decide for himself how to correctly distribute his life energy and where to direct it, and therefore he has no choice but to rely on the experience and advice of other people (in particular, parents and teachers). But we constantly tell the child that it is necessary to do as adults say, because they are experienced and know better what to do, etc. When the child grows up and can independently decide how and what to do, which differs from the choice of actions more adult environment, then from that moment they begin to say about a person that he is an egoist.

According to scientists, every person has egocentrism, but in some it is too pronounced, while in others it is not. And those who represent the golden mean are characterized by the ability to be responsible for their own actions and live by their own rules, and not by those imposed on them by their relatives.

Parents tell their children to listen to the advice and opinions of their elders and follow them, regardless of what the child himself wants. From childhood we are taught to take examples from others and imitate them, but it is from this moment that many lose the ability to be responsible for their actions and decisions.

Thus, healthy egoism is the ability to decide for yourself and choose the best for yourself, despite all the discontent and indignation of loved ones and relatives. Otherwise, if you completely trust the decisions of other people and when you do not achieve success, then there is a huge chance that you will blame those who advised you to choose this path for your failures. After all, no matter how you look at it, every person knows what will be best for him.

How does selfishness manifest itself in relationships?

To imagine a negative quality, you need to become familiar with how an egoist behaves:

⦁ A person is fixated on his own person. He is only interested in his own problems. All thoughts are related to the analysis of one’s life and the desire to change. To do this, he uses any means, no matter how wrong and unpleasant they are for others. Selfishness is also noticeable in conversations with a partner. The egoist does not want to listen to his partner, help him and support him. He tries to redirect the dialogue to discuss his person.

⦁ Unjustified self-confidence. Negative egoism manifests itself in human behavior. He does not perceive the opinions of others, he is confident in his own strengths, mental abilities, beauty and other qualities. He likes to feel like a leader, even if in fact he is not one.

⦁ Rejection of criticism. A person is hostile to criticism and can easily be brought into conflict by pointing out his shortcomings. In relationships, this is connected with everyday life. The egoist may turn out to be wrong, and the partner will give him all the facts, but the person will defend his position to the last. However, in the case of stories about achievements, he is ready to boast about the results, while at the same time embellishing the stories.

⦁ Having learned about the signs of selfishness, you can get rid of manipulation by such a person. He may deliberately insult and lower his partner's self-esteem in order to appear better and make his lover feel worthless.

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⦁ In a relationship, an egoist does not listen to the opinion of his partner. He doesn’t care that a person close to him will suffer from this. In conversations, he tries to assure his interlocutor that his opinion is correct and it is impossible to act differently. So, for example, a man or woman will convince his partner that he is the one who should do all the housework, earn money and give expensive gifts.

Methods to combat egoism

Stopping being selfish is not that difficult. The main thing is the desire to change on both sides.

To do this you need:

• develop masculine and feminine qualities: for a guy - responsibility, masculinity, determination, endurance, for a girl - tenderness, patience, attentiveness;
• learn to listen to each other, accept the other’s point of view;
• show concern for your partner, show signs of attention;
• do things together, participate in events together;
• have heart-to-heart conversations, discuss current news and problems;
• get acquainted with materials on the topic of proper relationship building.

Why is egoism dangerous?

Negative selfishness can harm everyone. Each characteristic leads to its own consequences.

⦁ Self-obsession. He is not interested in his partner's difficulties. He solves only his own problems, demanding maximum support from his lover. As a result, harmony in relationships disappears and a moment of crisis begins. A person wants to get away from an egoist.

⦁ Unjustified self-confidence. A person deliberately begins to lower his partner’s self-esteem and present himself as the leader in the relationship. If the egoist is wrong, and he realizes this, it will be more convenient for him to blame him on his beloved. ⦁ Rejection of criticism. The person will not try to change and please his partner. Criticism brings out the egoist and causes negative emotions. He can be overly angry and aggressive.

“I only have one child”: real parenting experience

Ekaterina Zherebina, the founder of the Consulting Company, entrepreneur, business consultant, and former teacher, shared her story with us. Ekaterina is raising her only daughter Masha, and today she told us why her family did not have a second child and how she managed to cope with childhood egoism and raise a worthy person:

“I approached the decision to have a child very thoroughly.

Behind me was life without a mother from the age of 12, a pedagogical institute, the practice of studying families with difficult children, or, as I called it, studying children “in difficult conditions.” But that’s not about that now. All this was for me an impenetrable fortress on the path to motherhood. The country experienced a serious crisis in 1998. Despite all the difficulties, in August 2000 my wonderful daughter Masha was born. On August 6 she will be 20 years old. I am 47 years old and I have an only child.

Why haven't I given birth to more children? I’ll answer honestly, my own childhood was spent under strict financial restrictions. Many people no longer remember the hungry 80-90s, but I remember them very well. Therefore, I initially prepared myself for conscious, responsible motherhood. I wanted my child to live in abundance, get a good education and do whatever he wanted.

Has she become selfish? Complex issue.

Let's turn to Wikipedia: “Egoism (ancient Greek Εγώ, lat. ego - “I”) is behavior entirely determined by a person’s desire for his own benefit, benefit...”

My personal point of view, as a teacher, is that each of us in a certain context is an egoist. The main thing is to love children. However, I believe that I have helped my daughter grow into a person who is loved by her friends, family, and co-workers. And on August 22 of this year she has a wedding.”

Surely many of you recognized yourself in our heroine. Every parent wants to give their child the maximum, so families often make a conscious choice towards an only child. Later we will return to the story of Ekaterina and her daughter Masha to find out the advice and recommendations of a business mother and teacher. However, let's look at this phenomenon from a psychological point of view and find out what experts think.

Ways to overcome selfishness

You can get rid of selfishness using two methods:

⦁ Independent work on yourself.

⦁ Attending sessions with a psychologist. If a person does not see the problem and considers inappropriate actions to be the norm, it is recommended to immediately make an appointment with a specialist. In other cases, if you want to get rid of selfishness, you can solve the problem yourself and change your thinking and character. Additionally, it is recommended to involve close people and relatives. Their help will be useful.

Reasonable selfishness is good for the family

I would advise reasonable, healthy selfishness to our Russian women who have a family and children.

Women are sometimes so carried away by the idea of ​​family that they completely forget about themselves! Worries about children, about her husband, about order in the house, about dinner on the stove, about work make up 100% of a married woman’s time.

Working through each of these points and combining them together is like a squirrel running in a drum. It is extremely difficult to jump out of this movement; it has sucked in, twisted, and absorbed.

But we need to get out. You have to become an egoist woman, an egoist mother.

For yourself and your family.

Ways to get rid of selfishness

Once a person has admitted that there is a problem, they are halfway through the process. Now all that remains is to direct your efforts to change your thinking and try to improve your lifestyle. You need to learn to relate to things around you differently, start developing new habits and develop the ability to treat people with respect.

Below are practical tips that can help you quickly get rid of selfishness.

Developing Empathy

In conversations with interlocutors, you need to gradually get rid of thoughts that are intended to use information for selfish purposes. There is no need to interrupt the person or try to prove to him that he is wrong. It is enough to show sympathy, be happy for him or just listen. This will allow you to develop the ability to adequately conduct dialogues and respect a person’s opinion when he talks.

Fighting excuses

All motives must be justified by good intentions, rather than by greed and self-interest. This includes everyday situations. For example, there is nothing wrong with asking a colleague to finish a report if you need to pick up your child from school. But using other people for personal income is the wrong decision.

Live in the present

Selfishness influences the formation of thoughts about fear of the future or past. It is recommended to live in the present and perceive reality in current moments. Self-interest forces people to make wrong decisions and deceive others in order to satisfy their needs.

Realize the temporality of material things

All material objects are impermanent. The car will break down, things will wear out. You shouldn’t get hung up on the desire to become richer than others and then reproach them. It is more important to develop and help others. This will bring more pleasure than purchasing something material.

Finding an Opportunity to Give

A person becomes much more pleasant if he helped another person. This requires developing the habit of sharing with others. This will allow you not only to get rid of selfishness, but also to reconsider your outlook on life.

Making new acquaintances

The more people you know, the more examples you have to live by. You can study them, learn from them and see how other people relate to things around them. As a result, it turns out that familiar values ​​begin to be replaced by others. Communication will allow you to understand which shortcomings are insignificant and which have a negative impact on society and the individual himself.

Power in Movement

Any Egoist is an External-Material person and is an EVERYMAN and therefore DISHONORABLE, selfish, greedy, proud, proud, ruthless - because he does not feel sorry for anyone except himself. Egoists, as a rule, are greedy, envious and deceitful people who cannot be trusted. These are often difficult people to communicate with, capricious, spoiled by their parents, who extolled their children, indulged them in everything, fulfilling all their whims and wishes. Such people are not capable of true love and self-sacrifice, they consider themselves very smart and capable and are always Right in everything, and all the people around them are always wrong, they are to blame for everything and owe them money. Egoists are not capable of close, trusting relationships with other people, and without close relationships, true love and friendship between people is impossible, which is why all such people do not know how to be friends and are deprived of family happiness and do not even understand this. Because the Egoist always and everywhere thinks only about himself, always acts only according to Calculation, therefore a good family with an egoist will never work out either. You need to know that an Egoist, no matter who he is, a man or a woman, is a Consumer who is used to only Taking and Receiving in life, and really does not like to Give anything or Share anything with people or help someone. An egoist never thinks about his neighbors; he needs them only in order to arrange his life better and more comfortably.

For an egoist, even his own children are a bother and are NOT NEEDED - well, he doesn’t want to take care of anyone, help someone with something, or share with someone. Such selfish people should always live alone, but the trouble is that they are very cunning and you can’t immediately understand what kind of person is next to you, they know how to pretend and play the role of a respectable person, hiding behind beautiful phrases about decency, duty and conscience, about responsibility, but at the same time they themselves do not want to take any responsibility on themselves, for anything. Here is a simple example of how such people usually act: if a selfish person borrows money from someone, then he does not want to give back the borrowed money, because he is borrowing other people’s money, and he always has to give back his own hard-earned money. They say about such people: “if you want to ruin your relationship with a person, lend him money.” Such people do not like to repay their debts, any kind.

Egoists, by their nature, are real Destroyers. If the Egoist creates a family, then he destroys it, in any case, his family will never be happy. If the Egoist is some kind of boss, then you will not envy his subordinates, they will not see justice and self-care, and any enterprise will suffer big losses, because all egoistic bosses, as a rule, are bureaucrats and careerists who do not disdain anything just to strengthen your position, and by any means and means, bribes, theft, to provide for yourself financially. The interests of the state and people are indifferent to them. And so it is always, everywhere and in everything - such people Destroy everything and cause only one Harm.

All Egoists are ordinary PEOPLE. And all Egoists have one thing in common - they are UNGRATEFUL! They believe that all the people around them owe and owe something to them. Egoists always use everyone in order to get something from these people for themselves and thereby improve their personal life, they are always interested in people only for one simple reason, if they can get something from them and take it or achieve something through them - something weighty and serious, as soon as there is nothing to get or take from a person, then immediately this person becomes not interesting to them.

Egoists CONSIDER their relatives and friends, their friends and comrades as owed and obligated to them in everything, but they do not consider themselves obligated to help their relatives, spouses or friends if they have any difficult problems, Egoists DO NOT WANT to take care of their children or about old, sick and infirm parents. Such people always and everywhere, including in their own family, live only for themselves, because it’s not for nothing that they say about Egoists - that they need all the best and they always have more than everyone else...

Here is a typical example. There was one seemingly happy and fairly wealthy family, a large apartment, a car, a garage, a decent dacha, a beautiful wife, a distinguished husband and also held a high position, they had three children. And they would have lived and lived, and probably they would have lived well together all their lives, but an unforeseen misfortune happened, one day a wife came to her dacha to harvest apples, climbed up a tree, but the branch under her broke off and she she fell down, right onto the trunk of an apple tree that had been cut down earlier, right on a stump, and broke her tailbone, severely damaged her spine, and paralyzed her lower body and both legs. And in an instant she turned from a beautiful, young, blooming woman into a disabled person of the first group, who cannot do anything and requires constant care and help. And that’s when the second transformation happened, this time it happened to her beloved and attentive husband. While the wife was young, beautiful and healthy, everything was fine, the husband loved his wife, was proud of her beauty, it was not a shame to show her to his family and friends, but then this unexpected disaster happened and everything fell into place. As soon as the husband realized that his wife had now become disabled for the rest of her life, and that now this heavy burden had fallen on his shoulders, the loving and attentive husband immediately rebelled; he was not at all happy with the fact that now he alone had to tinker with his sick and immobile wife, and also three children, they also need constant care, and also housekeeping, but you never know how much housework to do at home, every woman knows that there is a lot, a lot. He felt sorry for himself, he felt sorry for wasting his precious life on the hassle of caring for his sick wife and his children. Previously, his wife managed everything, but now it fell to him to do it himself. His position as a boss did not allow him to leave her and leave the wife of a disabled man, and the Authority of an outwardly decent and respected man was afraid of negative public opinion, because his own Reputation and Career could suffer, but he no longer needed such a wife. And so this selfish man began to pour out all his anger every day on an unhappy, sick woman, his own wife and the mother of his three children. He hated her more and more every day and growled at her in impotent rage: “When you die, the ugly thing has attached itself to my neck!” And he swears at her, not ashamed of his children, with choice obscenities. A terrible fate befell this woman. This is how all Egoists always behave in life, especially when, through someone else’s fault, their plans collapse and their lives are darkened - they then turn into ordinary Beasts, and are ready to tear apart everyone who can prevent them from living well.

There are so many seemingly prosperous and happy families; as long as the spouses are young and healthy, everything is fine with them. But as soon as something happens, the egoists immediately show their rotten insides. There are many examples when a man becomes disabled at work or in a car accident, or loses his legs or arms, or suddenly loses his sight, or is paralyzed, and then his young and beautiful wife leaves him and finds another healthy man, because she does not want hers. also sacrifice a very precious personal life for a frail disabled person - Egoists are all the same, that men and women are the same breed.

The litmus test for Egoists is money, high position and fame, which, especially in our time, bring considerable income, and money for any Egoist is everything; first of all, it is a great opportunity to live comfortably. If we look and analyze today's marriage advertisements, we will see that the vast majority of marriage advertisements are united by one common theme; in almost all advertisements, many people write that they would like to meet a person, first of all, who is financially secure, with an apartment, a car, and only then, everything else - egoists, as it were, people SELL themselves and at the same time put forward a Price and conditions that suit them. The point in today's advertisements is not that people want to meet a worthy, honest and kind person, a good family man, no, most people today need money, apartments and cars, and normal human relationships, kindness, love and loyalty are secondary, not important .

All this says only one thing: in our time, people have become Selfish, proud and obsessed with money, people are overwhelmed by greed and passion for profit, people are ready to do anything for money, they sell everything, including themselves and their Conscience, for "Mamon" - for money. Many people, both men and women, prefer to marry only for the sake of rich and wealthy people. It is very important for them how wealthy the parents of the future spouses are, their social status and connections, as well as the new opportunities that may open up for them in terms of, for example, a personal career. The parents of such young people also take it very seriously that their children meet and create their families only with the children of wealthy and wealthy parents. A person from a simple, poor family, even if he is a good person, is not accepted by such rich families, and if this happens, and suddenly against their will a family is created with such a “starved person,” as they say, then peace and good relatives There will never be a relationship; on the contrary, they will do everything to ruin this family.

For example, there was one family. One young and beautiful woman married a man, a rich businessman. She married him for convenience, she liked him, but still a rich and prosperous life, without worries and troubles, was much more important, sweeter and more attractive to her than anything else, and if her husband had not been a wealthy man, she would not have married him. They began to live well, since the wife did not have any special reasons to download her rights to her husband, everything she wanted, she got and received, and therefore they lived quite peacefully and calmly, her husband even believed that he had a good and understanding his wife, and most importantly, she loves him, of which he had no doubt. But one unpleasant circumstance happened: this businessman was simply scammed by his business partners for a very large sum of money, which happens quite often these days and no one is immune from this. The businessman immediately found himself in a very difficult situation and in order to pay off his creditors he had to sell everything he had, including an elite apartment with a car, and even got into new debts, and most importantly, he now understood that he would never be able to get back on his feet again. That’s how his wife one day went from being a rich and wealthy lady to suddenly becoming a beggar, and also realized that that’s it, her husband would never rise again from now on, which means a hard life awaited her. And where did it all go, now the once affectionate and caring little wife was no longer recognizable, she suddenly changed dramatically, lost all interest in her husband, became cold and indifferent to him, and now she remembered all his shortcomings, she began to literally to saw and gnaw at his words because he deprived her of a calm and prosperous life, because she was mistaken in him. In the end, she left him for another, richer and more prosperous person. Egoists never forgive anyone for the loss of their Well-being.

This is how all arranged marriages usually end, while everything is fine, such families live among themselves very well, but as soon as any misfortune happens and where has everything gone, and now the once friendly and loving spouses are ready to tear each other apart , endless quarrels and scandals begin, full of mutual hatred and malice, and all because they created their family, if they honestly admit to themselves - by calculation, without any love, and what kind of love can such people have who are most in the world they love themselves, money and well-being, and are ready to do anything for this.

God does not bless either egoists or families created by CALCULATION, because they are built not on love and trust in each other, but on LIES and pretense, on selfishness and BENEFIT. Therefore, such families are initially false, unstable and cannot be happy, even if people live together all their lives - they do not have the Blessing of God, which means there is no love and trust between people. It’s no secret that many rich husbands are quite happy with this kind of life, since it frees their hands, they understand well that their wife depends on their wealth, and therefore, no matter how they behave, she will endure and remain silent, so they allow themselves a wild life and have mistresses on the side.

People who CREATE their families - according to CALCULATION - are usually DISHONEST, selfish, greedy and deceitful, many are NOT faithful to their spouses, and often cheat on them. And to whom can egoists remain faithful - if their spouses are INDIFFERENT and DO NOT NEED them? And then, how can God Bless such people and their families and their children who were created - without true love? Therefore, families created by calculation are never happy. The market has NO place in the family!

Everything - TROUBLES in the family always HAPPEN only because of PRIDE, because of the selfish concern of spouses only for themselves, because of our INDIFFERENCE and INATNTION to the PROBLEMS and needs of loved ones, because of Selfishness, GREED and Dishonesty of our loved ones. How many destroyed families, how many orphaned children are left behind by selfish people. That's how important this problem is for our country. After all, the more friendly families there are in our country, the stronger the state itself, the more real, honest, hardworking and responsible people in it, on whom the state actually rests.

You need to understand a simple truth: all normal people are Spiritual people and therefore always feel and understand each other and are drawn to their own kind, that is, to those who understand them well and treat them with human respect. At the same time, it is always very uncomfortable and unpleasant for a simple, honest person to communicate with proud, selfish people from whom the coldness of indifference, arrogance and contempt emanates, therefore simple people purely instinctively shun and bypass Egoists, try to communicate with them less, do not respect them, but simply tolerate them for various reasons. That is why simple people are incompatible with proud people, and what kind of friendship and communication can there be between honest and bad people, what kind of friendship can there be between a wolf and a sheep, is the same here.

Egoists are very UNGRATEFUL people who do not respect and DO NOT APPRECIATE Other people’s work, Attention and Care, on the contrary, they believe that everyone around them owes and is obliged to them, they only know how to TAKE and do not like to share anything and give nothing of themselves.

For example, in a family. If the husband is a proud person, then of course he considers himself better than everyone else and requires increased attention and care. And if they do something for others or give something, it is always with calculation and benefit for themselves, they never do anything just like that, they are too greedy and selfish for that. Therefore, in a family, the wife of such an Egoist must and must do everything around the house alone: ​​cook food, wash, clean the house, do laundry, raise their children, but most importantly, take care of him himself. All the best to them and sometimes Egoists reach the point of banal tyranny and despotism. But most importantly, the Egoist does not love anyone, he is not capable of love, affection, sincerity and justice, he is not capable of selflessly helping and caring for other people from the heart. Therefore, the wife will never receive gratitude, understanding and help from such a husband; everything falls on her alone. Therefore, the situation and atmosphere in such a family is always tense and difficult. There cannot be love there, but swearing, quarrels, nagging and insults are always welcome. Children growing up in such a difficult, cold atmosphere are not distinguished by obedience and good upbringing, because the bad example of an egoist is always before their eyes. And God does not bless proud, selfish parents with kind and good children, so anything can happen. Also, if in a family the wife is a proud person, beautiful and smart, and also the daughter of rich parents, then there are also big problems. If the husband is a simple and honest person, but not rich, then such a wife simply sucks the strength out of him like a vampire. She is always dissatisfied with everything, everything is not enough for her, if she does anything around the house, and sits with the child, she presents it all as a great feat of work, only for some reason they forgot to award her with an order. She always nags her husband for this and that, you can never please her, she doesn’t like everything. Many husbands often tolerate such wives only because of the children; some of them start drinking and sometimes abandon such smart beauties and leave them.

So, do you recognize in yourself a complete Egoist, or at least the qualities of an Egoist? An egoist is a person who never THINKS or cares about anyone except himself and his own skin. It is high time for all people to UNDERSTAND that all egoists are INDIFFERENT towards all people, including their family and friends. An egoist is a GREEDY, Stingy and calculating person, one who considers himself BETTER and smarter than everyone else.

An egoist believes that everyone around him owes and owes something - but he himself owes nothing to anyone! He doesn’t think about anyone and doesn’t care about anyone, he doesn’t feel sorry for anyone except himself. An egoist is one who created a family of convenience, because all Egoists want to get well and financially secure and live for their own pleasure without worries and hassle. An egoist is a person who drinks away his entire salary and behaves arrogantly and rudely in his family. An egoist is one who has placed all household chores and worries on the shoulders of his wife. An egoist is someone who has forgotten about his parents, his grandparents, his brothers and sisters, his old, lonely, sick and infirm relatives and does not help them in any way. An egoist is one who is always dissatisfied with everything and blames others for all sins, but considers himself good. An egoist is a person who always thinks and cares only about his own Well-being, and does not care about other people.

The terrible thing is the disastrous, BAD moral state of a person - to be an Egoist. Watch carefully both yourself and your loved ones and GET RID OFF immediately - from the Selfish qualities of your character and behavior - while God TOlerates you and HOPES in you that you CAN CORRECT and become a normal, kind and honest person - otherwise EXPECT big trouble!

The Lord usually CORRECTS all Egoists - the Philistines - with grave misfortunes, illnesses and sorrows, and the most insane and stubborn in the sin of Egoism - PERISH, and their souls go to Hell for eternal torment!

Selfish spouses know how to skillfully MANIPULATE their neighbors in order to get their way and usually use open blackmail to achieve this.

Types of domestic TORMENTORS:

"Dictator". – Blackmails her spouse with anger and aggression. For a “dictator,” the main thing in a relationship is complete power over his neighbor. Only his personal interests come first; he seeks to fulfill his demands in all possible ways.

How to recognize him: He may pretend to be balanced and loving. But if his other half tries to insist on his own, then his anger will immediately burst out. The following statements are typical for dictators: Choose: either me, or your friends, or parents; If you don't change, I will stop loving you; If you leave me, you will never see your children again; If you don't do what I tell you, I will leave you. Dictators often resort to assault, after which they ask for forgiveness and swear that this will not happen again. There are both men and women dictators.

If you are definitely convinced that your spouse is a dictator, let him calmly understand that it is IMPOSSIBLE to treat you so rudely and humiliatingly. You can forgive once, twice, three times, but after some time you yourself will get TIRED, why do you need such a life? We are all human and no one has the right to offend and humiliate their neighbors. Therefore, either he stops commanding and growling at you - or the family collapses. There is no third.

“Iceberg” - This type of egoist PUNISHES his spouse who does not fulfill his wishes - with icy alienation. “Iceberg” exploits her spouse’s need for love and communication. By his behavior, he shows that it is the other spouse who is to blame for what is happening. How to recognize him: He can withdraw into himself for long hours or several days and remain proudly silent, rejecting any attempts to reconcile, talk and understand the situation, until his spouse gives in to his demands. Because of this, there is a tense, oppressive silence in the house; it is difficult to live with such cunning, cruel, and most importantly, indifferent, selfish people. Icebergs are more common among women.

If this situation begins to repeat itself constantly, stop communicating with such a person, be patient, do whatever you do and don’t notice him, stop even talking to him and looking in his direction. As soon as you stop noticing this person, after a while he himself will begin to reconcile. Make peace, but as soon as he starts doing the old thing again, repeat this technique, this has a sobering effect on the “icebergs”, after some time you will wean him off doing this.

"Suicide". – Will make it clear that if his wishes are not fulfilled, he may get sick, become depressed, stop going to work or doing anything around the house, stop eating, sleeping or taking medications, start drinking, get poisoned, throw himself in front of a car, or under a train, or jump out of a window.

How to recognize him: “If you leave me, I will commit suicide” is his typical threat. Always plays on a sense of responsibility or his pity. “Suicides” are also more common among women. When you are blackmailed with suicide, do not pay any attention to it. Tell this person that you see no reason for such bad behavior, and that by doing this, this person greatly offends you and gets on your nerves. Also tell him that if he always behaves like this, then there is no point in living with him anymore.

Stop communicating with him and calming and persuading this person. Surrender to the will of God and if there is somewhere to go, then go. Pray to God that God Himself will calm and enlighten this person. If he doesn’t come to his senses, break up, and let him do what he wants. The most interesting thing is that such people only scare their loved ones that they will commit suicide, but they themselves do not do it.

"Destitute." – Exploits the spiritual generosity of his neighbor, his desire to help and care. He talks at length about his difficult lot, expecting that another person will solve all his problems for him. This is what criminals and simply scammers often do when they meet women, playing on their feelings of pity and compassion. Such people blame their loved one for their failures, reproach them for misunderstanding and lack of sympathy. And they beg to give him one more small chance. “Disadvantaged” are characteristic mainly of men.

How to recognize him: This is what men often do who seduce women, arousing pity in them. They talk about how lonely they are and how a certain woman once broke their heart, and since then they have not been able to love. The disadvantaged are found among creative individuals - unrecognized artists, musicians and writers who consider themselves geniuses, and everyone around them is envious.

Through all such deceitful, cunning, rude and bad people, God TEACHES people TO UNDERSTAND people, learn to understand them, so as NOT TO MAKE A MISTAKE in them and thereby NOT RUIN their lives. Good, normal people DO NOT behave like this and do not act like this.

Author: Artyom Stupnikov.

Self-development

For a greater understanding of the phenomenon of selfishness, it is recommended to read the following books:

⦁ Svetlana Baranova “Egoism as a destructive component of the human being.”

⦁ Radhanatha Swami “Journey Home. Autobiography of an American Yogi.

⦁ Amy Banks and Lee Hirschman “On the Same Wavelength.”

⦁ William Ury “Make an agreement with yourself... and other worthy opponents.”

⦁ Daniel Goleman “Emotional Intelligence.”

Healthy selfishness for the sake of your husband

How important is it to your husband to have a perfectly tidy home and dinner worthy of a five Michelin star restaurant? If you put it on the scale, on the one hand: a house sparkling with cleanliness, a multi-course dinner and at the same time a tired, unkempt wife in a dressing gown, because she:

1. didn’t have time to change clothes because she didn’t have time for herself,
2. because she prepared all this and
3. then I washed the kitchen after all this... Blah blah blah...

And on the other hand: a house of average cleanliness, a modest dinner from semi-finished products, but a cheerful, flirting wife with twisted curls on her head, in a flirty apron that was not made for cooking?

What will your husband like best?

I have a strong suspicion that he will choose the second option. Of course, family hygiene is important to a man, and the path to his heart was once paved through those same five dishes for dinner. But a man does not live by bread alone! And hardly anyone can exaggerate the importance of sex for men. Therefore, a flirty apron “not for cooking” will win over steamed cutlets!

Cutlets are the prose of life. And a rested wife, full of life, is the very romance that disappears somewhere in marriage. We know where she goes - the wife is busy maintaining hygiene at home and working on a new dinner recipe, but is not at all interested in her own tired face in the mirror.

This is where the advice creeps in: “Be selfish, turn on healthy selfishness.” And not for your own sake, but for the sake of preserving love and marriage.

Reduce the speed of your housekeeping and get rid of perfectionism in the matter of cleanliness. Clean the house not to the “A+” level, but to the “B” level. This is also a good assessment. But spend the freed hours on a bath with foam and salts, on sleep, on beauty.

Everyone knows that a tired woman has low libido. Rest and boost it. You and your husband need this.

Your husband will be grateful to you for such selfishness much more than for all the starched tablecloths and polished forks.

WHAT SOFTWARE

Relationships between a man and a woman after falling in love, what comes next

– how to make a couple’s relationship perfect

1. The stage of “unjustified expectations”.

The couple encounters difficulties due to the fact that the ideal image that they prescribed for each other turned out to be completely imperfect. Disappointment in your partner sets in. Many couples fail the strength test at this stage and break up. Psychologists advise trying to find a compromise during this period.

1. The stage of “accepting each other.”

There is an acceptance of the partner for who he is, with all his shortcomings. And also adjusting their behavior to each other’s personal characteristics.

1. The stage of harmonization in relationships.

The highest stage of relationship development, which only a few couples reach. It is characterized by the fact that no one is trying to change anyone anymore. Compromises have been found. There is agreement in joint affairs, there is personal freedom for each of the partners.

So, men and women are different - this is fact number one! Going through all the stages of relationship development is a difficult path and not every couple can handle it - fact number two! However, we are created for each other and achieving harmony in relationships is the life goal of each partner.

How to tame your prince

So, a handsome prince has appeared on your horizon. Is it time to open the next chapter in the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman, which is dedicated to how to win a man?

How to tame your man

Intuitively clear: first of all, you need to ensure that the chosen one chooses you from many other candidates

How to catch his attention, how to throw a lasso? Yes, a man “loves with his eyes,” but you need to have a sense of proportion

Too provocatively erotic clothing, emphasized sexuality in behavior, too bright makeup - this is a signal to a man that you are available and do not expect anything serious from the relationship.

Yes, a man “loves with his eyes,” but you need to have a sense of proportion. Too provocatively erotic clothing, emphasized sexuality in behavior, too bright makeup - this is a signal to a man that you are available and do not expect anything serious from the relationship.

Alas, no one is perfect, and not all women have a figure close to the cherished model parameters, but here the difference in the perception of the world between men and women begins to work

A man will pay attention to both your legs and your chest, but he will still evaluate you not by details, but by the whole image, by the way you carry yourself, how you know how to present yourself, hide your flaws and emphasize your strengths. And, of course, an irresistible weapon is a mysterious, feminine smile

Relatively speaking, Julia Roberts' smile can be valued higher than Pamela Andersen's breasts.

An irresistible weapon is a mysterious, feminine smile

So, you attracted his attention, he liked you, but counting on the development of the first sympathy into something serious due to only external data is naive. This only works in the scenarios of “Cinderella wants to marry an oligarch” or “a young kept woman is looking for a rich lover,” but even in this case it is known that relationships built solely on sex are not long-lasting

In order to conquer a man on a mental level, you must show interest in his personality and his interests. Use Carnegie's technique - talk to him about himself. Try to be sincere, because falsehood is immediately felt. But, under no circumstances, do not cross the boundaries of his personal space, do not show unnecessary curiosity - men do not tolerate this.

The phrase “there must be some kind of mystery in a woman” has already set teeth on edge, but no one has yet canceled this postulate. Mystery is an integral part of femininity. Don’t rush to open up completely and dump all your secrets on your chosen one. Keep the intrigue, try on different images. Let him really solve you like a riddle, but also give him a chance to solve it! The main thing is to maintain his emotional involvement in this process.

Mystery is an integral part of femininity

Never show haste, do not immediately take the initiative into your own hands - let the man mature. The man is slow-witted. Even if he is madly in love, it takes him longer to realize this fact than a woman.

A big step towards failure is to immediately make it clear that your ultimate goal is the registry office and the stamp in your passport. Men value freedom and parting with it is extremely painful.

Do not forget that by nature a man is born a hunter. If he is too lethargic, indifferent, soft-hearted, if he does not see in you his “prey” that he must certainly get, then do you need such a man?

Avoid cliches of the past, such as “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Nowadays, your culinary talents may not at first impress a man who is used to eating in cafes and restaurants.

Don’t rush a man, don’t immediately take the initiative into your own hands - let the man mature

In the same way, old recipes like “no sex on the first date” or “bed after the registry office” have lost their relevance. Everything here is very subtle and individual. Nobody has canceled such a poetic concept as love at first sight. If two people immediately feel that they are literally made for each other, everything between them can happen much faster.

Interesting: We identify the causes of low self-esteem and get rid of them

How a man chooses his wife

A beloved woman is a social status, the last step before marriage. Most men take marriage very seriously. Starting a family is a responsible step; even after several years of relationship, it is difficult for a man to decide to propose.

In his future life partner, a man is looking for:

• willingness to take on certain household responsibilities;
• soft, stable character, ability to negotiate;
• love for children;
• respect for your partner;
• desire for stability;
• ability to maintain a conversation;
• similarity of temperaments.

In order to quickly receive the long-awaited proposal, a woman needs to match her lover’s ideas about an ideal wife as much as possible. But often a man refuses to directly indicate preferences; a woman has to guess her expectations through trial and error. In order not to spoil the relationship with excessive importunity, psychologists advise observing his relationship with his mother. She is the ideal woman of most men; he looks for her traits in the girl he loves, enduring love and reverent attitude. The mother's opinion can be decisive. We can confidently say: the favor of the future mother-in-law is a guarantee of a quick marriage.

What types of egoism are there?

Unhealthy (irrational) egoism can be classified into the following types:

• Narcissism. Such a person loves exclusively himself. He considers himself perfect, having no flaws and doing only the right things. He is characterized by arrogance and narcissism, he is able to admire himself in the mirror for a long time and receives great pleasure from the admiration of others, considering this the only expected reaction to his person. Narcissists are characterized by the realization of only their desires, they are not capable of selfless acts, and they are also not distinguished by the ability to empathize. They do not know how to love; in relationships they allow themselves to be loved, believing that by doing so they are gifting their chosen one.

• Inflated egoism. This type of egoism is characterized by a tendency to manipulate others and a sense of possessiveness. This type of egoist will not take into account the interests of others. He lives with the firm belief that everyone around him is obliged to satisfy his whims. An inflated egoist agrees to show benevolence only when it is required to achieve his goal.
• Egocentrism. This type refers to the highest degree of egoism, since it includes the fixation of all life positions exclusively on one’s own personality. Psychologists classify egocentrism as a character trait rather than a behavioral flaw. Egocentrics are known for excessive suspiciousness, which can take the form of paranoia. They are not alien to self-criticism and the ability to admit mistakes made. But the need for approval and encouragement from others is alien to them.