Hatred is a very difficult feeling to understand, which people often cannot even explain. It seems to them that negative feelings arose out of nowhere, but in fact, such emotions always have their own serious preconditions.
When trying to eliminate hatred towards a person or group of people, many make unforgivable mistakes that only make the problem worse. How can you cope with the negativity in your own heart and gain complete understanding with the world?
Who is a misanthrope
“I hate people” is difficult to admit frankly. It’s much more pleasant to close your eyes to the problem and move on as if nothing strange is happening. But hatred of humanity will constantly grow and one day will become so strong that it will not be possible to cope with it without a specialist.
Everyone has heard the word “misanthrope,” but not everyone knows the definition. This is the name given to people for whom society seems hostile. They shun love and friendship, try to make less contact with others and constantly feel hatred for all living things. They see flaws in everyone they know. Rest assured, even if the misanthrope has the same views as his new interlocutor, he will find something to complain about.
It is difficult for such a person to talk about his emotions. At the same time, he is firmly convinced that everyone around him experiences similar negativity towards each other. Psychologists attribute a similar attitude to the world to Adolf Hitler, Jonathan Swift, Friedrich Nietzsche, Arthur Schopenhauer and other famous people.
The term became popular after the release of Moliere's comedy of the same name. Translated from ancient Greek, “misanthropy” means hatred of people.
Strengthen your character
Remember at least one respected and authoritative person who does not know how to manage his emotions. If the president of a country or the director of a large company were always guided by feelings and not by common sense, then they would not be able to achieve great success among millions of people. Before you commit a stupid act based on negative emotions, try to think about how it will affect your life in the future. If you are trying your best to be a good leader for a group of people, then hating one of them will not bring you any closer to your goal. Rather, on the contrary, you will lose your authority in front of other people in the blink of an eye.
Causes of anger
Where does hatred for the world come from? The reasons are as follows:
- Diffidence. A person with low self-esteem is hurt by the words and actions of others. He is dependent on other people's opinions, but does not know how to accept criticism, so he tries to reduce communication with others to a minimum.
- Envy. The reason lies in the constant comparison of oneself with relatives, friends, acquaintances, and random passers-by. To an envious person, those around him seem prettier, more successful and happier than he himself.
- Responsiveness. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And this is not just a turn of phrase. It happens that a person wishes everyone well and good luck, but in response he unexpectedly receives a knife in the back. After the betrayal, he begins to get angry, accuses the world of injustice and radically changes his approach to life.
- Mistrust and suspicion. If you have been convinced since childhood that your friends are secretly mocking you and waiting for you to miss, then as you get older you begin to be prejudiced even towards new acquaintances.
- Externally imposed stereotypes. Destructive beliefs do not always appear in the family. Any social conflict is accompanied by propaganda, which results in rejection and anger. It is not an individual person who experiences negative emotions, but a whole group of people.
- Unexpected reaction to stress. Overcoming hatred of a rapist or terrorist is not easy. At a moment of crisis, feelings get out of control, and people behave differently than in ordinary life. History knows a tragic incident during the shipwreck of the Admiral Nakhimov. The man, who experienced animal fear from what was happening, killed the woman and child in order to take away some floating object and escape.
- Educational mistakes. Stereotypes and scenarios are imposed in the family . You don't have to look far for an example. Parents broadcast that rich people are vile, it is impossible to earn a fortune honestly. This attitude from childhood sets you up for failure with money in adulthood. You will count pennies, constantly live without money, think with horror about retirement and not know what to do with your hatred of millionaires.
To understand how to overcome hatred of a person, you need to honestly admit to yourself its reasons. Try to remember that unfortunate moment when you began to feel angry. Realize what desires you cannot realize. Think about what to do to correct the situation and remove the accumulated negativity.
He who hates another experiences similar emotions towards himself. The misanthrope follows the successes of his acquaintances, comes to disappointing conclusions about his own worthlessness and begins to quietly get angry at everyone around him.
Instinctive hostility does not exist
— Other people are always mirrors for us. What offends others, what is incredibly popular or incredibly annoying, should be read as a signal that provides information about oneself.
For example, we are terribly annoyed by a colleague who has done nothing wrong to us. Moreover, he may not pay attention to us at all, but we look at him and simply lose our temper. There may be several reasons.
Victoria Markelova, psychologist. Photo from the site vdohnovimir.ru
Negative effects of anger on the body
We have discussed what hatred of a person is and what reasons it may have. But it is also important to understand that negative thoughts towards others destroy a person from within, undermine his mental state and have a bad effect on his health.
Depression, constant loss of strength, suicidal thoughts - all this aggravates the situation. It has been scientifically proven that people who have had their hearts broken are more likely to suffer from heart disease than those who have been able to forgive their offender. Many people prefer to “eat up” stress - this is how excess weight suddenly appears. Others, on the contrary, forget about food and have difficulty stuffing every bite into themselves. The immune system weakens – the body becomes vulnerable to viruses and infections. Efficiency decreases, interest in life disappears, energy flows away. The thoughts of a person who hates everyone become chaotic, confused and heavy. Creativity goes away. Problems begin in all areas, and with every day of inaction they only grow.
How to stop hating your husband?
The popular French writer Frederic Beigbeder wrote that love lasts three years. After many years of marriage, spouses begin to feel burdened by each other and even experience hatred.
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It is difficult to get out of this situation, but it is possible:
- Put your thoughts in order and try to sort out your feelings. Sometimes a wife still has tender feelings for her husband, but chronic stress at work unsettles her;
- Imagine your lonely existence. If the very thought of your loved one leaving causes pain, you should take care of your love;
- Don't accumulate resentment. Any person can stumble and commit a bad act. Close people are no exception;
- Think about the positive character traits of your husband. Over many years of marriage, we stop noticing the advantages and concentrate on the shortcomings;
- Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. You need to give your man the opportunity to admit his guilt and talk about his claims;
- Avoid emotional and hasty actions. A long-term relationship can be destroyed in an instant.
Types of aggression
The feeling of hatred is expressed differently for everyone. The following types of aggression are known:
- Physical and verbal aggression. This type is used when trying to solve problems with fists, threats and insults.
- Direct and indirect aggression. In the first case, the negative is sent directly to the recipient. In the second, the object is influenced indirectly - through jokes or dirty gossip.
- Internal and external aggression. Anger can be directed both at oneself (internal) and at others (external).
Love and hate
How to cope with hatred of a person with whom you had a close relationship? What to do when time passes, but the unpleasant emotion does not lose its power? There is only one step between the strongest feelings - anger and adoration have a lot in common. The stronger the connection with a person, the deeper the feelings experienced. Passion develops into rage, and a person loses his head from anger and surging emotions. In a moment of hatred, you can lose control of yourself.
A terrible illustration of this example is the story of St. Petersburg State University associate professor Oleg Sokolov, who in the fall of 2021, by his own admission, killed and dismembered his 24-year-old lover Anastasia Yeshchenko.
Projection
Each of us has an ideal image of ourselves, which is very difficult to part with. It’s not for nothing that the Gospel says that “we see a speck in someone else’s eye, but we don’t notice the log in our own.” We don’t want to see shortcomings in ourselves, and the more we don’t like something about ourselves, the more we don’t accept it - this is how psychological defense works.
And when something about another person constantly, inexplicably and greatly irritates us, look inside yourself.
For example, we don’t like ambition in a colleague; it’s possible that we ourselves have it inside, but we just don’t recognize it.
And we project our unconscious onto another - it’s easier to be irritated and angry on another than on ourselves. This is how we relieve tension and neutralize the conflict within ourselves. In general, we are deceiving ourselves.
Particular anger at “our” other people’s shortcomings can be explained precisely by the fact that the poor “irritant” gets it both for himself and for “that guy” - we take out on him the hostility that we cannot turn against ourselves.
Of course, not everything that is unpleasant to us in other people is in ourselves. It’s worth thinking about when irritation is of a high degree and is rationally inexplicable, so to speak, “instinctive.”
Where to start working on yourself
How to deal with hatred? If I don’t want to seek help from a psychologist, will I be able to cope on my own? Such questions arise for everyone who has experienced anger, resentment and disappointment, but decided to work on their mistakes.
The path to yourself begins with honesty. You are reading this article, which means you are looking for answers. First, accept the anger and hatred. It is natural that you do not like everyone - with someone your views on life are diametrically opposed. It is the “carrier” himself who suffers from negative emotions first of all. After you understand the reasons, proceed to action:
- Write down all negative attitudes, replace them with positive ones and read new affirmations every day.
- When you find yourself getting angry, mentally count to 20 and focus on your breathing. This simple technique really works and helps you urgently “reanimate” yourself when you want to lash out at others.
- If you hate and the strength of your emotions is off the charts, you need to try to get rid of the pain. You can express your feelings on paper, and then burn the letter, meet with a friend or talk to a psychologist.
- Try to get to know the person who annoys you better. Understand the reasons why he acted unfairly, ask important questions and listen carefully to the interlocutor. Try to improve relationships and set clear boundaries so that the situation does not repeat itself in the future. Discard all experiences in order to understand the structure of the psyche of the object of hatred, his attitudes and beliefs.
- Stop focusing on your own emotions and invariably expect a catch. It’s better to think about what you are willing to give to others, what knowledge you are able to share. Hatred goes away when a person stops focusing on himself and his own needs.
Psychologists advise to distract yourself and switch to other things, but it’s easy to doubt the effectiveness of this method. Negative experiences will come back with renewed vigor after a while, and it will be even more difficult to overcome them later if you do not competently work with erroneous beliefs from the beginning.
Remember that the world around you is just a mirror in which you yourself are reflected. Strong thoughts attract events, people, and circumstances into life. The deeper the hatred, the more confirmation of disturbing thoughts you will find in the future. Therefore, it is time to break out of this vicious circle. If you stop living by your own needs and satisfying your hunger, then gradually life will begin to improve, and the question of how to get rid of hatred will no longer bother you.
Forgotten problem
Photo from ndtv.com
And finally, the fourth reason for “instinctive hostility” is some kind of repressed trauma.
It happens that a person cannot stand a certain type of people. For example, tall and thin. He cannot stand them to such an extent that he cannot even touch them without disgust - it’s the same as touching an insect. Such things may be tied to some repressed childhood traumas. Maybe an adult, tall, thin uncle approached a little girl at the age of three and scared her with something. In the unconscious part of the psyche, fear remains and is consolidated. Then a person grows up and no longer remembers, but this suppressed, forgotten, repressed, associated with some kind of trauma or unpleasant situation, develops into such hostility.
This can happen not only in childhood, but in adulthood something happens to us, and the psyche works in such a way that we forget it.
If it is very unpleasant, then we convince ourselves that it did not happen.
Nevertheless, the image that traumatized us remains, and we will feel hostility towards it, without understanding why we feel this.
