Guilt is one of the most powerful and destructive feelings. It can be justified or unjustified, caused by the wrong style of family education. Guilt typically forms the basis of major addictions, such as alcoholism and many mental disorders.
Stop looking for a scapegoat
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When something in our life goes wrong, we completely involuntarily (and sometimes purposefully!) begin to look for a person in our environment who could be held responsible
for your troubles. Alas, as practice shows, most often such a person is ourselves. Awareness of this fact adds fuel to the fire, inflating the feeling of guilt to unimaginable proportions.
At the same time, many are well aware that the feeling of guilt in itself has no effect on correcting the situation. But it is important not only to realize that it is essentially meaningless. It is important to understand that the world around us is multifaceted
, not linear; a situation that didn’t go the way you would like is influenced not only by you - there are a lot of external factors for which you cannot be responsible.
Psychological discomfort
Due to constant stress, a person gradually develops a state that cannot be called pleasant. It begins to undermine him from the inside, influencing the everyday process of making important decisions.
Psychological discomfort contributes to the fact that the individual has to constantly suppress his interests. When we compromise our own values, we experience fear, resentment, disappointment, and ongoing anxiety.
Analyze the reasons for your feelings of guilt
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Alas, this is a very unpleasant, but inevitable procedure, since it will require from you not only deep introspection, but also, possibly, a reassessment of the situation that has occurred. But only revaluation will allow us to understand
, why exactly do you feel guilty? Understanding why you oppress yourself or simply feeling guilty is not the same thing.
For example, if you realize that you are not paying enough attention to your parents, ask yourself a question - for what reason are you not doing this?
What gave you
such an idea ?
Perhaps your brother or your sister reproaches you for this, or your parents themselves? And now a very important thought - are you really devoting little time to them and what can be done in this situation?
- It is clear that you are an adult who knows better what is more important for your family (if you have a family). It is clear that you have passed the age when it made sense, say, every five minutes
, devoting her in detail to the circumstances of your life. It is clear that you are not ready, as before, to bring your personal life up for discussion at family councils. But you don't have to do this at all!
It is enough to at least sometimes call your family, inquire about their health, drop by for tea, and be more interested in THEIR problems than talking about your own. Believe and verify
- it works and does not require much effort from you (and it relieves guilt very effectively). So it is extremely important to understand what exactly causes you to feel guilty.
Useful materials on the topic
I have prepared a selection of several courses that will help you get rid of guilt and other negative experiences.
Brain fitness
Description. A very unusual course on getting rid of negativity. It's not cheap, but the price is worth it. By purchasing a course, you first of all receive theoretical material, tests and exercises to work with any negative thoughts. After 1-2 weeks, you receive a device by mail for more effective development of the program - a neural interface.
If you look at the guy in the picture, you will just see the neural interface on his head. This little machine analyzes the waves your brain constantly emits. Naturally, depending on the emotions you experience, these waves will be different. From the neural interface, bluetooth information can be uploaded to your personal Wikium account, where it will be analyzed, after which you will receive specific recommendations on how to get out of an oppressive state.
I have never seen such programs on the Internet before. Wikium experts recommend using the neural interface for only 15 minutes a day, although you can do this more often, especially to see the amplitudes of fluctuations in different emotional states.
Authors: practicing psychologists from Wikium.
Cost: 17,990 rub.
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Brain Detoxification
Description. This is a cheap training course that will help you quickly remove all negativity from your head and start living a full life. There are ten lessons with theory, but they are accompanied by many exercises, techniques, tests, tables and diagrams.
Of course, not only guilt is analyzed, but also other emotional experiences. Remember, have you ever had a time when an unpleasant situation or memory just wouldn’t leave your head - you constantly replayed thoughts and images in your mind that oppressed you, and you felt more and more depressed? It is these conditions that an expert teacher will help you get out of. No pills or other medications.
Authors: Victor Shiryaev.
Cost: 990 rub.
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Emotional intellect
Description. We need emotional intelligence not only to better understand the emotions of others and communicate more effectively with them. It also helps to control our own emotions and not give them the opportunity to take over our mind.
There are twenty lessons in this course, they are accompanied by tests, exercises and many, many simulators. According to the teacher, every student who undergoes training here gains a sense of calm, self-confidence, and can easily stop any negative experiences. After completing the first ten lessons, you will notice that you begin to concentrate better on the tasks at hand and fall asleep calmly at night.
Author: Oleg Kalinichev.
Cost: 990 rub.
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Be sure to check out the free materials that Wikium offers. First of all, webinars. They are held weekly and the topics change periodically. Most often, the topic of the webinar is the human brain, its secrets and features of work. There are also purely psychological topics - on communication, emotions, interaction with other people.
The second interesting thing is free exercise equipment. There are one hundred of them, they are divided into groups according to the skills they develop. Most simulators are aimed at memory and thinking, but there are, for example, an emotional intelligence simulator and other programs on psychological topics. There is no need to pay for anything.
Mental self-regulation from 4Brain
Description . Another high-quality material that will help you calm down and start living a full life, despite the stress and negativity around you. You will undergo training for 5 weeks, the total number of lessons here is 25, the duration of one lesson is only 20-30 minutes.
The authors try to give as little theoretical information as possible and focus on practice. You will practice your skills through games, exercises, and tests. The course contains the most popular and modern techniques from domestic and foreign sources.
You can study from a tablet computer or phone, because the 4Brain interface is well optimized for mobile devices. The summary of materials with test results remains with you after complete completion of the training.
The course is not suitable for those who have been experiencing very deep depression for several months or years. To get out of it, it is better to contact a professional psychotherapist.
Authors : Alena Luneva, Dmitry Radin, Evgeny Buyanov, Kirill Nogales.
Cost : 1,990 rub.
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Keep a Guilt Journal
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If you feel that your life is becoming unbearable due to guilt, start a journal immediately. Every time the sneaky worms called remorse
(and the feeling of guilt presupposes that you have this very conscience!), begin to undermine your thoughts and your soul, record the day, time and, most importantly, the reason for their activity (possibly circumstances).
Re-read your notes a couple of times a week. This is not self-examination at all: it is very important to identify the circumstances that cause a surge of such emotions, and then draw the appropriate conclusions
that will allow such circumstances to be avoided. Perhaps a feeling of guilt consumes you at the moment of communication with a certain person? Draw conclusions, stop meeting with such people (or, if this is not possible, organize a meeting under other circumstances and on your terms).
Learn to rest properly
It is extremely important to be able to rest properly. That's right - it's not about what exactly you do. That's right - it's about how much you can distract yourself from extraneous thoughts by immersing yourself in an atmosphere of relaxation
. Agree, the best vacation ceases to be such if you are constantly thinking about how productively you could spend your time instead of this vacation.
Christian Negroni
Yes, indeed, you cannot run away from yourself, just like from your thoughts. But the secret is to give yourself a proper break. In other words, whenever you start having guilt-ridden thoughts, remind yourself that you are not running away from the problem.
. You just took a time out, a break. Believe me, proper rest will not only relieve accumulated fatigue, but may also suggest a solution to the problem that led to feelings of guilt.
Desire to please in everything
The guilt complex most seriously affects relationships with the outside world. A person ceases to feel capable of great achievements and is afraid to act in accordance with his inner convictions. He unconsciously develops a desire to please everyone. This is done in order not to anger the interlocutor or provoke the development of a quarrel. However, the habit of meeting other people's expectations does no good to anyone. Soon a person loses his individuality and ceases to understand what he needs in life. This is the case when the feeling of guilt can be so overwhelming from within that there is no strength left for active action.
Put your interests above other people's interests
You are the only person in the whole world who can take care of yourself better and more sincerely than everyone else. And if this line of behavior makes you feel guilty
, draw the following analogy: you are rescuing people who are stuck in water, somewhere at a depth. You have only one oxygen mask. What will you do?
You can, of course, give the opportunity to breathe first to those who need salvation. But who will feel better if you go down on your own, depriving yourself of a saving breath of air
? You will not save others, and you will destroy yourself. This advice looks very selfish, but... However, there is no “but” - it is what it is.
Psychosomatics of unforgiveness
The feeling of guilt results in perfectionism, the desire for the ideal. A person puts forward strict demands on himself and forbids making mistakes. And if this happens, he severely punishes himself and experiences extreme stress. Essentially, people with constant guilt live in stress all the time. And this slowly but surely unbalances all body systems and disrupts hormonal balance.
At the other end of guilt there is always resentment. In psychosomatics, unforgiveness is associated with the development of oncology. Low self-esteem, self-pity, the inability to forgive yourself and others - all these are prerequisites for cancer. Until a person lets go of the past and gets rid of grievances, he will live in memories. And his body will devour itself.
Attention! Psychosomatic diseases are real disorders in the functioning of organs caused by stress. To completely get rid of the disease, you need to undergo complex therapy: taking medications and consulting a psychologist.
Change your priorities and stop putting your interests above all else
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- This advice is exactly the opposite of the previous one. But this does not mean that you should suffer from contradictions. The purpose of these tips is to relieve YOU of guilt. We do not undertake to discuss the moral side.
And if the feeling of guilt leaves you when you put your interests above the interests of others, then this method is more acceptable for you. If altruism saves you, go for it. It's up to you to decide.
Nobody is saying that looking out for your own interests is bad. There is nothing shameful in this, unless this line of behavior turns into your only position in life
. And this is a completely justified position if, in fact, you have no one else to care about. But what to do if things are different?
What to do if your feeling of guilt is caused precisely by the fact that you devote too much time to yourself, while such behavior turns into trouble for your loved ones?
Then you face a difficult, but necessary (and, most importantly, not impossible!) task - you need to change your life priorities. We will not now analyze the reasons why you did not do this earlier
. But the sooner you understand and feel that taking care of other people (especially if we are talking about your loved ones) is not only necessary, but also capable of bringing satisfaction, the better for you.
Treatment
Working with feelings of guilt includes a set of actions that help to cope not with the situation itself, but to understand the reasons that provoked such a violent reaction to a mistake, adjust the line of behavior and accept one’s nature. Various methods and techniques have been developed for men and women, since their worldview is significantly different. In psychology, a complex of pathological feelings of guilt occurs quite often and is one of the main reasons for the emergence of various phobic disorders.
For men
Men accept everything that happens directly and react just as directly. A man makes a mistake by not understanding the background of the situation. He has an unreasonable feeling of guilt. Guys tend to forget important dates that girls remember. Having forgotten about this event, the guy apologizes, says that he was late, or tries to come up with another cunning escape plan, which causes resentment in his lady. He is completely unaware of his wrongdoing and cannot understand why he should apologize, but the girl’s violent reaction makes him feel devastated, guilty of all his sins.
A man can only get rid of a pathological guilt complex by realizing his mistake. You should seek help from a person who will understand and can explain what’s going on.
It is possible that a man feels that he could have done more for his loved one, but did not do so for a certain reason. Even if the other party does not make accusations, the feeling of guilt does not decrease. It is provoked only by the man’s personal experiences and emotionality. This feeling of guilt requires serious psychocorrection. First, you need to understand the underlying reasons: in childhood, the individual watched the picture of how mom was waiting for dad on long evenings from work, but he was in no hurry. Then you should take into account what he can do to improve the situation in order to feel happy. For depressive conditions, antidepressants or herbal sedatives are prescribed.
For women
The feeling of guilt that arises in a woman is always understandable to her. Usually she does not wait for guilt to eat her, but tries to make amends for her guilt in order to ease her conscience. But women live more by emotions, so more often than not men find themselves in a whirlpool of worries about their misdeeds. Men and women perceive divorce differently. Children remain with their mothers, so a woman often feels guilty before them for not being able to save the marriage, and before society for being left alone, although both partners are to blame for the breakdown of the family. Taken together, all these experiences form a huge inferiority complex.
To get rid of the pathological feeling of guilt after a divorce, a woman needs to try to let go of the feelings on which she constantly concentrates. She should not demand more from herself than she can do. You need to try to take what happened for granted.
There are no people who do not make mistakes in their lives. It is better to concentrate on the positive aspects, remove photographs of your ex-man from your home and continue to build your life separately.
In case of divorce, a woman needs to stop feeling guilty in front of everyone. There is no need to take on all the sins. Try to understand your deep-seated feelings: when did the feeling of guilt first appear and who imposed it on you so tightly. Reconsider your attitude towards yourself. If you cannot get out of the pathological condition on your own, consult a specialist.
Drug therapy
In some cases, it is impossible to do without medications. If there are suicidal tendencies, patients are prescribed tranquilizers, and treatment is carried out in a hospital setting. Sometimes a long course of antidepressants is prescribed.
To calm the nervous system and make it easier to fall asleep, sedatives of plant and synthetic origin are used.
In each individual case, a certain dosage is prescribed, depending on the intensity of the manifestations.
Work on bugs
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Self-flagellation is not only an extremely unpleasant and useless task, but also an activity that takes up a lot of valuable time. Stop wasting your energy wallowing in your remorse and feeling sorry for yourself. Your time will become much more productive
, if you start working on mistakes. However, this requires a very serious action (if you have not already done it!). It involves admitting your own mistakes.
There can be many examples of such behavior. For example, you planned to spend time with your child, but instead got bogged down in work, forgetting about your promise. Work is of course very important.
. But it is important to set your priorities correctly and learn to keep your promises. Admit your mistake, draw the right conclusions and create a “window” in your work in order to fulfill your promise. The feeling of guilt will go away.
Understanding the reasons
Nothing in our life happens just like that. There are reasons for everything. It is necessary to understand the reasons so as not to remain in such a painful and depressing state for months and years. Perhaps some situation occurred in the past that subsequently influenced the attitude towards oneself. Being guilty of something is quite a serious test.
Not everyone can stand it. It often happens that after a couple breaks up, people experience a certain awkwardness in front of their own children. A complex of guilt towards a child for divorce is a fairly common situation. Some parents are ready to literally shower their child with endless gifts just to compensate for the unpleasant feelings that he or she has experienced. Of course, this is not a way out. Positive changes will begin only after admitting your own mistakes.
Become your own friend and learn to forgive yourself
Learn to look at yourself from the outside, as if abstracting from your own personality. This is very useful so that when you see your mistakes, you learn to forgive yourself. Imagine that you are not you, but your very good friend
(it is not necessary to represent a specific existing friend) who wishes only the best for you. Will your imaginary friend judge you for your mistakes?
Another good way is to imagine that the mistakes you made were made by a real friend whom you value and respect.
. Would you like to experience the same pangs of guilt that he experiences? Are you ready to take on his experiences, or is this too much for you?
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The truth is that when it comes to guilt, we treat ourselves harsher than we would expect from those around us. In other words, we give the other person more room to make a mistake.
than to yourself. Perhaps the time has come to become your own friend, forgiving some of the weaknesses that you are ready to forgive your friends?
After all, situations often arise when we have done everything possible and impossible, but have not achieved success. And the feeling of guilt does not go away... This means that it is time to forgive yourself, as if you had forgiven your friend
. Of course, it will be much easier to do this if you begin to take positive steps towards correcting the situation - asking for forgiveness from those you offended; pay more attention to loved ones; start setting your priorities correctly.
Don't leave the situation that caused you to feel guilty unresolved.
Unfortunately, this advice is not always easy to implement. However, it is better to try to do this than to put off solving the problem indefinitely. And a way can almost always be found if you analyze
current situation. Otherwise, you will constantly live in an atmosphere of understatement, incompleteness, which is very fertile ground for cultivating feelings of guilt.
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But let's give a concrete example.
Let's say you feel guilty because you behaved wrongly towards a certain person (or even a group of people). It could be your friends, parents or someone from a more distant environment - it doesn’t matter at all
. It is important not to keep your feelings to yourself. If you want to apologize, apologize, it won’t hurt you. Your goal is not to save face in this situation, but to get rid of the destructive feeling of guilt.
Decreased self-esteem
A guilt complex necessarily changes your attitude towards yourself. The personality suffers, desires and aspirations begin to be perceived as unimportant and not deserving of special attention. There is a significant decrease in self-esteem. Against the backdrop of strong experiences, a person begins to doubt his own capabilities. Any undertakings seem dubious to him and the prospects are vague. This state can be explained quite logically: when we feel guilty about something, the desire to achieve something and make certain efforts disappears.
Look forward, stop looking back
Usually the feeling of guilt appears for some action that we did (or did not do) in the past. It’s hard to imagine a situation where you would be tormented by a feeling of guilt for something you should do in the future (although it happens!)
. A necessary and effective way to overcome such feelings is to focus on what you want from your life in the future.
It is useful to do the following: set your priorities correctly, focus on short-term and long-term goals. Then make a strategic plan
achieving these goals that will help you achieve what is truly important to you, based on your priorities. Move only forward - this is the only way that allows you not to get bogged down in the past.
Important!
In order to move forward, you need to stop feeling guilty about past
. That is why it is important to follow the previous advice - not to leave unresolved the situation that led to feelings of guilt.
Jacob Lund
But what to do if you really committed an unseemly act for which you are ashamed, but which cannot be corrected? Yes, and apologizing will not help anything - perhaps there is no one to apologize to
!
In this case, even more so, you should stop telling yourself something like “If only I had acted / acted differently
,” and you should focus on what you are doing now so that something similar does not happen in the future.
Feeling of insignificance
A child's guilt complex often appears in response to the exorbitant demands of his parents. That is why father and mother need to give up the idea of comparing their child with other children. Otherwise, the child will never learn to understand his achievements.
He will somehow cease to feel his worth, so he will strive to please others in everything. The feeling of insignificance has an incredibly destructive effect on the emotional component. As a result, self-esteem falls and the child does not want to make any efforts to achieve any satisfactory results. A guilt complex towards parents can also appear in adulthood if a person has not been able to successfully organize his life. In some cases, people become so focused on despair and hopelessness that they stop noticing the prospects available.
Don't let guilt devalue your achievements
You are gnawing at a feeling of guilt - this means that you are an emotional person who can be influenced by external circumstances. But circumstances are just a background in your life, and guilt arises in your brain
. Simply put, you formulated it, nurtured it and now nurture it day by day. In this case, it is in your power to formulate postulates that will destroy this hateful feeling of guilt.
It looks like self-hypnosis, auto-training. Essentially, it's him and the network. If, for example, you have achieved success, but you feel like you don’t deserve it, formulate the opposite thought and repeat it like a mantra
:
“I deserve it!”
. If feelings of guilt devalue your success, your achievements (even if they are small), repeat these words even more often, not forgetting the difficulties that you have overcome along the way. Don't let guilt devalue your achievements!
Don't keep everything to yourself
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We are rather strange creatures, often expecting from our environment certain actions and actions that seem most appropriate to us. We don't give other people a chance to do differently.
. This is why many of us look at this or that situation rather one-sidedly, not noticing all the facets, all the nuances (or, conversely, exaggerating them).
Let's imagine the following picture: you, while in a company, did something that personally causes you a feeling of strong and deep guilt. Try talking to someone from this company; with someone you trust
, if there is such a person or just with an outside observer. And you may be very surprised when you find out that no one but you thinks about your action!
Perhaps you misunderstood the situation, imagining who knows what. Perhaps you simply incorrectly interpreted someone’s accidentally dropped phrase, someone’s gesture, or look. Discuss it with someone who could see more
. Perhaps it will turn out that all your worries and pangs of conscience are not worth a damn! This is why it is very important not to keep everything to yourself.
Don't let others make you feel guilty
The only person who can control you in this life is yourself. Unfortunately, we often forget about this, allowing ourselves to fall under the manipulative actions of the people around us.
. We are manipulated by friends, our life and business partners, parents, bosses, children. The hardest thing is when you find yourself in the center of such a manipulative web that surrounds you from all sides at once.
Recognizing such manipulation can sometimes be very difficult. But even if you managed to figure out your opponent, it is even more difficult to get out of his influence. The main thing in this matter is not to make a mistake
who exactly is manipulating you. Don't rush to ruin your relationship with your boss or partner by deliberately aggravating the situation. Take a break, give yourself a break, think about everything in a calm environment; If necessary, apologize.
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It's not about whether you're right or wrong! Of course, we often make mistakes, and therefore accusations from those around us can be absolutely justified. But our task is to save you from feeling guilty.
. So try to become the only person who has the right to blame himself for his own mistakes.
Make a list of your positive qualities
By nurturing feelings of guilt, we lower our own self-esteem. Of course, there is no point in attributing to yourself positive qualities that you do not possess. However, it is extremely important to realize that the world is not divided only into black and white
. And even if you have committed some unseemly act (or continue to do it constantly), this does not make you a truly bad person.
Believe me, by mercilessly criticizing yourself day after day, you artificially ignore your positive traits and qualities, focusing on the negative ones. A person who is completely satisfied with himself
(if you want, a person who feels happy) is unlikely to cultivate feelings of guilt. And if it does arise, then a happy person copes with it without making much effort.
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Even if you are far from feeling inner happiness, it is recommended to resort to the old proven method: take a piece of paper and write down all the positive aspects that are characteristic of your nature
. Moreover: every time you feel another attack of guilt, take a piece of paper and write down those features of yourself that you personally like. You can repeat yourself and not be modest!
Awareness of your worth
This is a very important acquisition that should not be underestimated. Guilt especially torments those who, for some reason, do not know how to value themselves. In constant worry, we lose a large amount of creative energy, which could be useful for something good. If you are used to living in criticism and simply do not know how to restructure your thinking, you will have to try. Try to look at the problem from a different perspective.
Believe me, you do not have to meet all the expectations of others. The main thing is to find an opportunity to live your life, to realize your own desires and aspirations. After all, it’s still impossible to keep up with other people’s demands. So is it worth torturing yourself with needless suffering?
Know your strengths and weaknesses
This point quite logically follows the previous one, since only after realizing your positive qualities can you realize your strengths and weaknesses. Why is this necessary?
No matter how hard we try to ensure that no one declares us guilty, in real life conditions this is difficult to achieve. Moreover: these accusations may be completely justified, which is fertile ground for the emergence of feelings of guilt.
In order not to give feelings of guilt a single chance, you need to clearly understand which things you can do better, and which ones you are not so good at or can’t do at all. Perhaps there won’t be many qualities
that evoke positive emotions in you personally. But they certainly exist. Perhaps not everything you do can be called right, which is why, in fact, the feeling of guilt arises. But you can't do everything badly!
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For example, you blame yourself for not following healthy eating rules for yourself. But you probably prepare healthy and tasty food for your child! You're not romantic enough
and therefore do not give your partner the gestures of attention that he/she expects? But you provide her/him with maximum support in housekeeping, which is difficult to overestimate.
There are many such examples. It is important to be clearly aware of your strengths and weaknesses, if only so that every time you feel guilty about doing something wrong
, you could give yourself even more evidence from a list of things you regularly do right.
Why are we given troubles and misfortunes?
Most people don't draw any conclusions until they get a good slap in the face from life! Why? Yes, because it is much easier to leave everything as is. People continue to do what they were doing until they run into a blank wall. Only then will something slowly begin to dawn on them.
Let's take relationships, for example. When does a person begin to understand that his partner is dear to him? That's right when he loses it. When the marriage is on the verge of collapse, and family life has fallen apart.
What about health? When do we think about health? Right. For us it’s like: “Until the thunder strikes, the man will not cross himself.”
Until the doctor says: “Urgently change your lifestyle, otherwise you will definitely die!” That's when we get motivated!
It just so happens that we begin to become smarter only by receiving such lessons. That’s when most of us say to ourselves: “Enough, I’m fed up with these problems, I’m tired of being at everyone’s beck and call, I’m tired of being mediocre. We need to decide something, we need to set goals.”
Successes also make us happy, but for some reason sometimes they don’t motivate us much. But “failure” is still a painful thing and therefore is a good science for the future. It is this that sometimes gives a “magic kick-start” to the future, after which, looking back, we understand that if it had not been for this “catastrophe” in the past, you would not have achieved such success in the future.
For example:
Maria was abandoned by her friend Dan. She plunged into the abyss of despair, locked herself in the bedroom, and cried at night for a week.
But gradually, she removes negative thoughts from her head, begins to communicate with friends, and learns to love herself. Moves to another job, meets new people, new interests appear.
After just six months, he is a different person, happier and more confident, with good self-esteem. She looks at the “tragedy” that losing Dan seemed like to her and sees that it was the best thing that ever happened to her.
Or
Nikolai was kicked out of work. He began to look for another place, but could not get a job. He decided to open his own small business. For the first time in his life, he became his own boss, and began to do what his soul had been drawn to all this time. Of course, he still had some problems in his life, but he gained meaning in life, he became independent, and all this is because of the so-called “tragedy” in life.
Some of you will say: “So what, life turns out to be a series of painful disasters?”
Not necessary. The Universe constantly helps us move in the right direction, giving us small hints. If we do not pay attention to her prompts, she begins to stimulate us with a club. Spiritual growth is much more difficult when you resist this process.
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Don't deny yourself little weaknesses
The constant daily struggle with guilt is a battle for life and death. This means that life in such a regime is damn exhausting even for the healthiest organism.
. Often we ourselves become opponents of our own personality, fighting with our own “I”, punishing ourselves for our actions, which plays into the hands of our feelings of guilt.
We forget that we are just people, prone to making certain mistakes, having our own little weaknesses. So don't be too hard on yourself. War is war
, and you can afford a glass of red wine during this period (especially since it will relieve stress and improve your heart rate). You can eat a bar of chocolate, which will make you feel a little happier.
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You can just buy popcorn, lock yourself in your apartment and watch some good movie. Don't deny yourself these little pleasures! Even if you are self-flagellating because you are obese
, you can sometimes please yourself with small excesses without worrying at least at this moment about excess weight. Understand: there is only one life, it flows quickly, so there is less and less time for small joys.
Individual aspirations
In order for the result to ultimately be positive, you need to know what you should move towards in life. Your individual aspirations should be as clear as possible. Some people suffer from not knowing where to direct their efforts. This is a big mistake. To free yourself from the oppressive feeling of guilt, it is worth delving into the process of self-realization. By constantly looking for new opportunities, you will not miss your chance. Respect your desires and try to follow them.
Do good deeds
If there is no room for good deeds in your life, then is it worth complaining that you are being eaten up by your own feelings of guilt? But once you think about the fact that you need to do something further with this destructive feeling
, then you are ready to take action, right? And the only way to act in this case is to start doing plausible actions.
You shouldn’t think too much about motivation, compare your bad and good deeds, or count the number of both. Just do good deeds and remember them when you feel guilty
. Believe me, there are a huge number of people in this world who need your good deeds. And they don't care about your motives - they just need help and will be grateful for it.
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The easiest way is to engage in charity. And even if you are not a rich person at all, there are probably few things at home that can be donated to a nursing home or orphanage; yes, just help a lonely neighbor of retirement age
! Start helping, realizing the fact that there are people who will find it extremely difficult to survive in this world without you personally; people who struggle not with guilt, but with hunger, cold, and disease.
Impact on the human psyche
People with mental illness are often unfamiliar with feelings of guilt. They simply cannot experience this emotion. Therefore, its presence is characteristic of individuals with a healthy psyche.
When shame and guilt occur, a person usually experiences:
- fear;
- irritation towards oneself;
- cardiopalmus;
- muscle tension;
- desire to hide.
From a constant feeling of guilt, a person develops a negative attitude towards himself, and the following happens:
- A person believes that he is to blame for everything, and therefore allows others to freely invade his personal space.
- The individual unconsciously strives for punishment. The consequence of this may be the loss of money or expensive things, he may “accidentally” get into an accident or be seriously injured. Such a person subconsciously plays the role of a victim and easily succumbs to the manipulation of others. Manipulators can easily control it.
- The person is completely inactive, not trying to defend his point of view. He believes that he is worthy only of negative attitude.
- A person constantly compares himself with the people around him.
- He cannot build meaningful relationships and become happy.
- A person loses self-confidence and becomes apathetic.
All this devastates a person, takes away his strength and energy. In addition to negative emotions and self-deprecation, a constant feeling of guilt is harmful to health, provoking the development of cancer, chronic fatigue, and back pain.
Nevertheless, the feeling of guilt teaches a person to distinguish bad from good and to empathize with others. Having committed an offense, he understands that he has neglected moral values. The feeling of guilt helps him not to repeat such bad actions in the future and apologize to people for what he has done, offering them help.
Realize there are things you can't control
Do you know how some experts assess the desire to keep everything and everyone under control? As a sign of severe neurosis caused by a variety of reasons. And unless you are a dictator in power
in some country, then controlling everything is just an obsessive thought, a utopia that feeds your feeling of guilt, perhaps caused precisely by the fact that it is simply impossible to control everything.
It is very important to realize as quickly as possible that you are just one person in a huge world who is not able to cope with all its difficulties and problems. It's not bad and it's not good - it's a given
. This does not mean at all that you should give up and stop fighting and resolving issues. Just do what you have to do, be yourself, while realizing that you physically cannot be responsible for every little problem and situation you encounter in your life.
Why Excessive Guilt Occurs
There can be a lot of reasons, but all of them, as a rule, are psychological in nature. Here are just a few examples:
1. Excessive guilt can be a symptom of clinical depression.
2. Guilt may be related to childhood trauma or PTSD. Traumatic guilt takes many forms: from “survivor’s guilt” (occurs in those who escaped disasters) to blaming oneself for having a “better” fate (may appear in people who have relatives or loved ones with physical, mental or spiritual problems).
3. Guilt can be a consequence of low self-esteem, which is often formed under the influence of toxic parents.
Whatever the reasons, unhealthy feelings of guilt can and should be fought.
