10 books on nonverbal communication that will help you find out the true motives of your interlocutor (10 photos)

Author: Nikiforidis

27 October 2021 08:04

Community: Psychology

Tags: Alan Pease Joe Navarro Paul Ekman Henrik Fexeus books nonverbal communication book selections psychology  



If you were missing a book that would help you understand body language, then here is a whole selection of good books. Each of them has its own twist: the subtleties of negotiations, communication with a partner, identifying lies. What interests you?

2Robert Cialdini “Psychology of influence. Inspire, control, defend"

Do you want to hear “yes” in response to your suggestions, requests and comments? Robert Chaldin's book has long become a classic of business and psychological literature. In it, the author shows how hidden mechanisms of influence work and offers specific techniques that increase the likelihood of agreement to the maximum. At the same time, Chaldney teaches you to notice when such techniques are used against you, and explains how to protect your mind from them. The book has been translated into 40 languages ​​and sold more than 3 million copies worldwide.

Quiz: Can you work from home?

3Lillian Glass “Everyone lies. How to detect deception by facial expressions and gestures"

Doctor of Psychology Lillian Glass worked as an expert on the world's largest television channels, giving lectures on body language and lies to employees of various law enforcement agencies, including the FBI. Serves as a forensic consultant, behavioral analyst, and dispute resolution mediator. In her book, Glass shares the quick and easy approach she uses to recognize lies—from “innocent” petty deceptions to shameless lies that can change lives.

Body language and character

Books about body language are written by specialists involved in the study of human behavior, mainly psychologists, body-oriented psychotherapists, NLPers - all of them are experts in the non-verbal manifestation of a person, claiming that body language is associated with the state, feelings at the moment, and some postures and facial expressions are a manifestation of character.

For example, a person is constantly dissatisfied with something, often irritated, his characteristic facial expressions will be: eyebrows drawn together, even a wrinkle forms on the forehead, drooping corners of the lips, a face like a frozen mask - this is how character is imprinted on the face. Demonstrated posture: shoulders down, back bent. A cheerful person - his facial expressions are open: a sincere smile, not stretched “from ear to ear”, but tends to the corners of the eyes. The shoulders are open, the back is straight, the look is kind and even the eyes are smiling.

Woman body language

The general picture of nonverbal language is present in both men and women, manifesting itself in stressful situations; everything here is universal. The language of a woman’s body becomes specific when a representative of the fair sex comes across a man who is attractive to her, and then the body language suggests the revelation of female sexuality. How does this manifest itself:

  • behavior becomes cutesy or flirtatious (not always);
  • sways his hips while walking;
  • crosses his legs – a characteristic pose;
  • shoots eyes;
  • languid look, eyes shining, pupils dilated;
  • plays with an earring in his ear, a shoe on his foot;
  • touches her hair, twirls a strand around her finger;
  • touches casually;
  • slightly exposes parts of the body (raises the sleeve higher, the edge of the skirt);
  • often licks his lips and looks in the mirror.

5Bohr Stanwyck “We are all in time. How lying, cheating and self-deception make us human"

Lying is not always bad, sometimes it is useful, and sometimes it is simply vital. The book contains many examples of “good” deception - in human society and in the wild. The entire history of civilization is permeated with deception. Why has this phenomenon taken root in our society? Why does a lie attract us so much that even a feeling of guilt does not force us to give it up? The book will find answers to these questions. But the main thing is that the author suggests by what signs you can understand that they are lying to you, and by what signs - that you are deceiving yourself.

7Thomas Erickson “There are only idiots around. If it seems so to you, perhaps it doesn’t seem so to you.”

Scandinavian bestseller on communication psychology. It went through four reprints in Sweden. Being a universal master key to the personality of any person, this book is on the desk of almost every Swedish leader, teacher and journalist. Its author, the famous Scandinavian psychologist Thomas Erikson, divides all people into four color types. It describes the logic of behavior, temperament, and value system of representatives of each color. Explains how to find a common language with them, lead projects, resolve conflicts and establish partnerships.

Your own methodology

My aunt always prided herself on her ability to “read” people. Moreover, she is not a psychologist; by education and occupation, she holds a senior position in a bank. She had her own methods, a mixture of intuition and visual analysis of a person’s face.

Surprisingly, the ability to read people like a book has always helped her in life. I think it is thanks to him that she is always surrounded by devoted friends and decent men.

And she accepts people into her department, “reading” their essence from their faces!

If your intuition is not so strong, but you really want to learn to understand the human essence, let's learn this! Where to begin? It is possible and necessary - by using the methods proposed here. We give a few basic ones - this is “reading” people by their faces and studying body language.

8Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins “Turning on the charm using the methods of the secret services”

This book is a guide to communicating with and influencing people from former FBI agent Jack Schafer, who specialized in behavioral analysis, training and recruiting agents. In it, he covers all the necessary techniques that will allow you to win friends and make a good impression. Thanks to this book, you will be able to identify lies - both in personal communication and in online conversations; make a great first impression; use nonverbal cues; understand the behavior of others and see what they really think about you.

"Negotiation. The Complete Course by Gavin Kennedy

A book about negotiating in any situation. This is a fun, accessible and reliable guide to the best work in negotiation training. Using his 25 years of experience as a negotiator and business coach, Kennedy critically examines the most popular negotiation practices, helping the reader adopt the most effective ones. The book talks about how to prepare for an upcoming meeting, how to advantageously present your point of view, how to negotiate and how to make the negotiation process mutually beneficial for all parties involved.

10Allan Pease “Speak exactly... How to combine the joy of communication and benefit”

Everyone knows how and loves to talk, but choosing the right topic and intonation, clearly formulating and clearly expressing your thoughts, engaging your interlocutor in a confidential conversation, convincing him that you are right is a whole art. The book by the famous expert on communication “technologies” Allan Pease will teach you to separate phrases of formal politeness from the grains of truth and decipher non-verbal signals given by the interlocutor. You will be able to appreciate your partner’s sincerity and correctly interpret his thoughts, and the ability to give compliments and listen carefully will allow you to achieve success not only in your personal life, but will also lift you to the top of your professional career and make you a “master of conversation.”

When you need to understand yourself

First of all, people turn to psychologists to deal with some internal problems and limitations, but the first step can be taken without them. We have collected 5 books in which doctors and researchers teach you to understand and love yourself as the closest person.

More about the book

Vladislav Chubarov


“How to understand why we think one thing, feel another, and act as we always do”

We often don’t understand why we act this way and not otherwise, why we get angry and what kind of feelings we experience. All this can be corrected by awareness - the connection of our thoughts, feelings and actions, internal integrity. Gestalt therapist with 16 years of experience, Vladislav Chubarov, is sure that all the answers lie in the depths of our consciousness, we just need to dive into it.

11Aud Dalsegg, Inge Wesse “On the Hook: How to Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships”

Is a hysterical boss keeping the entire office in fear? Does your best friend make you dance to his tune? Is your loved one a tyrant? Are your parents impossible to please? Does your child blame you for his failures? If you are in constant nervous tension, feel pathetic and worthless, or even feel afraid of those with whom you live or work, then perhaps you have come under the influence of a psychopathic personality. How to resist such people and get out of their masterfully placed networks, preserving yourself and your “I”? This is what the book by Aud Dalsegg and Inger Wesse is about, based on real stories.

5 Signs of an Energy Vampire: Ways to Protect Yourself

14Nikita Nepryakhin “I’m manipulating you”

They constantly try to manipulate us at work, school, at home and among friends, and politicians, the media and sellers even consider this their duty. Thanks to Nikita Nepryakhin's book, you will learn to quickly recognize any manipulator and neutralize his techniques. You will find a deep dive into the motives of manipulators, a detailed classification of their tricks, a large number of cases, examples, experiments and illustrations. As well as a detailed disclosure of manipulations in advertising, marketing, negotiations and sales, exposing politicians and the media.

15Simon George, Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

This book is about manipulators who subtly ingratiate themselves into our trust and take advantage of our affection, kindness and inability to say “no” for their own purposes. Often we do not understand that someone is taking advantage of us unscrupulously, and when we realize this, it is already too late: we are devastated, humiliated and depressed. How to recognize manipulators and not give them the slightest chance? This is exactly what the famous American psychologist George Simon writes about. The classification of manipulative personalities, the way they act, methods of dealing with them - all this is in the book “Who's in Sheep's Clothing?”, which has become a world bestseller.

7 sure signs of a scoundrel man

We thank the publishing houses “Eksmo”, “AST”, “MYF”, “Alpina Publisher”, “Piter”, “Potpourri”, “Book Club “Family Leisure Club”.

Photo: PR, Fotolia.com

Touching the face

Most people touch their face during a conversation. Such gestures might look like:

  • stroking the chin,
  • rubbing the bridge of the nose or eyelid,
  • touching the mouth with a hand or various objects,
  • fingers touching temples,
  • propping your cheek with your palm.

Most often, behind such movements lies a desire to conceal the truth or, on the contrary, distrust of the speaker. It is best to consider such gestures in combination with a person’s facial expressions, since the same touch can have different meanings.

For example:

A gesture such as stroking the chin speaks of making a decision. If the interlocutor uses his thumb, he is confident that he is in complete control of the situation. Nervous rubbing of the lower part of the face with the palm of the hand indicates that the person is not too happy with the proposed option, but an alternative has not yet been found.

Touching the lower lip demonstrates interest in the conversation or interlocutor. In this case, a person can run along the line of the mouth with one finger and actively rub this area. The most spontaneous listeners even pull back or curl their lower lip

Ladies, in order to attract men's attention to themselves, can run over their lips not only with their hand, but also with the tip of their tongue. Many children use gestures on a subconscious level. For example, fingers in the mouth is a gesture that looks quite cute and means that the child feels the need for approval and support from others

However, adults sometimes make similar movements. In their case, such gestures carry the same semantic meaning as in children. Some gestures that express emotions and feelings involve the use of various objects. For example, you should pay attention to the fact that the interlocutor brings the pen to his mouth. If the interlocutor is telling something, it may be a lie. If he listens to you, then with this gesture he expresses distrust. However, such actions may have another reason. Some people chew on a pencil or pen while thinking about a problem. A fairly common position during a conversation is when the hand rests on the cheek or chin. These gestures look approximately the same, but are interpreted differently. If the interlocutor listens attentively, resting his chin on his hand, most likely it is more convenient for him to comprehend what he heard. But when the listener relaxes with his hand on his cheek and his gaze is distracted, most likely he is bored and is looking forward to the end of the conversation. Expressing disbelief in what has been said looks like twisting the earlobe, frequently touching the eyes or the corners of the lips. This is also indicated by the index finger with which the listener props his cheek. By raising the index finger to the temple, a person demonstrates a critical attitude. Perhaps he feels distrust, or is not satisfied with the arguments given, analyzes what he hears, suspecting a catch. Gestures such as rubbing the neck or ear indicate an unwillingness to listen anymore or that the topic is not very pleasant to the interlocutor. In the latter case, the person often takes a closed posture, crossing his legs or arms. He may also clasp his hands, shutting himself out from communication, or stand up abruptly, thereby demonstrating that the conversation is completed.

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