Unconscious comparison of oneself with other people occurs in the life of every person and this is normal. But endless conscious comparison leads to the fact that we forget about ourselves, about our true desires and waste our time. First you need to analyze why this happens? Why does a person try to be someone, but not himself?
The comparison problem
Comparing yourself to others is not always negative. Provided it is done with the right mindset, it can even inspire and motivate us.
On the other hand, it can be fuel for envy and low self-esteem. Unfortunately, more often than not, these comparisons prevent us from trying something new or taking risks, destroying our self-confidence.
We never give ourselves the slightest chance of winning when we compare ourselves to others because we mentally pit our worst traits against the best traits we think other people have.
This means that we have nothing to gain from comparisons, no value or meaning. However, we can lose many things, including our pride or our drive.
If you're reading this, then comparing yourself to others is probably a major problem for you. If you were to add up the total amount of time you spend thinking about other people's lives rather than your own - which, by the way, is the only life in which you can truly make a difference - you would be shocked at the number of days that you threw it away, absolutely irrevocably.
Don't pretend that the day you succeed will be the day you stop this pattern. There will always be someone or something that you don't have that someone else does. That's life!
“Evil” of the information technology age
The scourge of modernity remains loneliness. Virtual communication has replaced ordinary human intimacy by 90 percent. People distance themselves from reality, finding comfort in the virtual world. They create their own illusory picture of life, sometimes completely different from reality. The statistics are sad:
- Harvard University calculated; According to statistics, in 15 years in the United States alone, 45% of the population will be single.
- 30% of Europeans delay marriage and procreation, preferring to isolate themselves from long-term romantic relationships.
- Some, even being in a relationship and having a family, remain single.
It's logical. It is extremely difficult to maintain self-worth, respect for yourself as a person different from others with your own characteristics, who is no better and no worse than the majority.
Successful, famous, wealthy people flash before our eyes every day:
Actors, Models, Company Owners, Singers, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook Stars, Popular children of rich parents.
Beautiful pictures and videos lead to increased demands on oneself. It begins to seem that EVERYONE around you is beautiful, successful and happy. Everyone except himself. Self-esteem plummets.
Women who watch their ideal appearance on TV screens are especially susceptible to the influence of the media. One gets the impression that there is an ideal of beauty:
- variety of skin, hair, eye colors; high growth;
- slim, with defined muscles,
- girls with a talent for singing; successful athletes, dancers;
- theater and film actresses;
- top models; TV presenters; fashion models from magazine covers.
This ideal is far from the average woman. Many, in pursuit of perfection, begin to undergo plastic surgery, enlarge or reduce various parts of the body, exhaust themselves with diets, and drive themselves to the point of losing consciousness in the gym.
It's hard to accept the fallacy of chasing patterns. However, society values those who are true to style, know how to competently show winning features, and do not become like someone else.
Continuing endless comparisons with girls or guys from the Internet, you can lose control over life.
Comparison is an old problem
People have been comparing themselves to their peers since time immemorial. This is not a modern phenomenon. Theodore Roosevelt himself noted that “comparison is the thief of joy.”
However, in the past, it was not so easy for us to wallow in self-pity. There was no Instagram. While social media is a blessing in many ways, it is also a curse.
None of us are honest on Instagram or any other social media channel we choose. We all model a carefully formed picture of our lives and share the good things. We present photographs taken from a good angle or beautiful holidays that we celebrate.
We're not so eager to share what we look like first thing in the morning or during the endless days we spend trapped in the office listening to bosses complain.
While we're all guilty of this, we often fail to remember that when we see other people running seemingly exciting and glamorous social media channels, they aren't telling the whole story.
We start comparing how things happen for us with how things happen for them, with no idea what the context actually is, and quickly fall into the comparison hole.
As Steve Ferrick so eloquently puts it, it makes us so insecure because “we compare our behind-the-scenes reel to everyone else.”
Think critically
By starting a destructive chain of thoughts about whose grass is greener, we seriously deceive ourselves and go far from rationality. Morningstar behavioral economist Sarah Newcomb conducted 669 in-depth interviews to find out how comparison with others affects our lives.
“You have to realize that when you immerse yourself in someone else's sweet life, you compare it with your boring life,” Newcomb says. “You see the best staged shots, but you think about your dullest everyday life.” Stop and think rationally."
Comparing the brightest episodes of someone else's life with the saddest ones of your own is, at the very least, dishonest and puts you in a defeatist position in advance. Keep this in mind the next time you're lamenting a boring day at the office while looking at the vacation photos of a former colleague who sits at work just as much as you.
How to get rid of the habit of comparing
Even after a lifetime of negatively comparing yourself to others, there are still ways you can disrupt your thought process and change the way you think about things for the better.
It's about trying to change the way your subconscious mind works and the beliefs that dominate it, so that in the end you don't do yourself a disservice by constantly comparing yourself to others.
Here are some exercises you can try and some things to focus on that will help change the way you perceive comparisons.
Compare yourself to yourself and notice your successes
Make yourself your measure of success. Keep a diary or make lists of your accomplishments. With their help, you can track whether you have progressed towards your goals and how much time remains until they are realized. When your focus is on your own life, there is no time to compare yourself to others.
For example, a week ago you thought that handmade jewelry was difficult for you. And yesterday we learned how to make a garland and a spruce wreath ourselves, and decorated our house for the holiday ourselves. This is your small victory, write it down in your diary. And continue to celebrate such merits.
It’s easy to track your achievements in a simple tablet on paper
Give yourself credit where credit is due
Sure, comparisons might confuse you here and there, but there's a lot to celebrate.
No matter who you are or what you do, you are unique, special, and have an amazing set of gifts.
You have achieved incredible things in your life. Make a list of what you have achieved, no matter how tangible or intangible it may be, and use it as motivation.
If you need to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself today with your past self and be amazed at how far you have come.
Carefully! Toxic people provoke you to envy them!
And one more warning from “Beautiful and Successful” - sometimes they provoke you to envy. This is a powerful tool of manipulation that is truly difficult to resist. So if someone constantly brags to you, perhaps this person wants you to stop valuing yourself and “increase” their value and influence over you.
Website www.sympaty.net – Beautiful and Successful. Author: Daria Blinova. The article was checked by a special psychologist Olga Yuryevna Gryzlova. More information about the site's authors
Focus on the things and people that matter
We tend to compare ourselves to people we don't know very well and whose lives we only get glimpses of on social media.
Stop giving these people so much attention and influencing your thoughts and life so much. Instead, focus on your close friends and family; be more present in your interactions with them.
Get out there, exercise, read, or sign up for that class you've been meaning to start. The busier you are, the less time you'll have to worry about what everyone else is doing.
Treat yourself. Eat foods that nourish you and take time to relax. Treating yourself with respect will increase your self-esteem.
Why is this harmful?
A few examples from life.
The girl Irina was always dissatisfied with her weight and constantly compared herself with her friend Nastya, because she was slimmer than her. Irina decided to lose 5 kg in six months by summer. She bought a gym membership and went there regularly.
In addition, I adjusted my diet and followed a diet. Six months later, with tears in her eyes, Irina told Nastya about how disappointed and offended she was because she had lost only 1 kg. The girl was very upset by what she thought was an insignificant result and stopped going to the gym. Irina devalued her result, which was visible to the naked eye.
A married couple divorced only because the husband constantly compared himself and his wife. She had an apartment in which they lived and good support from relatives, but he did not have this. Constant comparison haunted me and grew into envy. The husband initiated the divorce.
Negative consequences that comparisons lead to:
- Devastation of the inner world.
- A waste of time and energy.
- Self-doubt is growing.
- Self-esteem decreases.
- Concentrating on your negative sides.
- Apathy and depression may occur.
- Disagreements with other people.
- Disappointment in yourself and your abilities.
- They hinder self-realization.
- A feeling of inferiority appears.
- Guilt.
- Envy appears.
- Living someone else's life.
- Emotional instability arises.
- Dissatisfaction with yourself.
When you catch yourself making comparisons, ask...
Conquering comparisons is a process that takes time. You can't just stop in one day. When you find yourself looking at others with envy, ask the following questions:
It's important for me? Do you really want what this person has? Expensive car? Dear wedding? Hike around the world? Why do you need this?
Where am I going? Will this fit your life plan? Your friends may be out every night, but if you're saving for the long term, remind yourself of your focus when you feel jealous.
How far have I come? Remind yourself of the list of successes you wrote down. Wish everyone else luck, acknowledge that their successes don't make yours any less worthy, and keep plowing your furrow.
- 10 reasons why you should love and accept yourself
Remember that social media posts do not always reflect reality.
If we see a perfect picture on the screen, we rarely understand how much effort and time the author could have spent on it. Perhaps everything we see in the photo is just a lot of thoughtful work and this perfect frame does not reflect real life at all. Some bloggers talk about this openly.
For example, blogger Katya Slyadneva runs her own Instagram blog, writes on her Telegram channel about finds from the world of cosmetics “Beauty for 300” and always talks about herself frankly. But at the same time she reports: her life is completely different and different from the screen one.
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A post shared by Kate Slyadneva (@ultrakatrin)
Lifestyle blogger Alexis also shares her experiences with subscribers. She is tired of chasing popularity, constantly making beautiful content and wants to be real and sincere. And for this a person needs to rest.
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A post shared by Alexis Blozhenka (@alexis_zhiza)
Popular DJ, musician and one of the hosts of the show “Girlfriends” Karina Istomina often shares both the light and dark sides of her life. She sees a therapist and struggles with depressive episodes. Just imagine how difficult it is to write such posts under model photos.
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A post shared by Karina Istomina (@diamond_april)
