Five useful tips on how to give advice. And a mini-competition.

Vacation is over! I even returned a little earlier. The poet's soul couldn't stand it... That is, the blogger :) It's time to get to work! Today is another competition post! Very funny and interesting! The last one, I promise :) I really want to win someday :) Last time it didn’t work out, but I’m a persistent person. But let's not forget one of the Eastern principles of happiness - not to get attached and not to make yourself dependent. Therefore, I promise that in the near future I will “let go” of all competitions and will focus on my direct responsibility and what I love very much - writing this blog about happiness. The topic of the blog will expand a little, but more on that in the next post. And now - five useful tips on how to give advice. Be sure to read and watch to the end. There will be a small competition with a valuable prize :)

Give advice when asked

We must remember that everything we think about is intended primarily for our internal use. The information that we experience and analyze subsequently turns into life experience and makes us wiser.

But when we try to share this information with another person, it is as if we are breaking into his house and starting to make our own rules there. By giving advice, we deprive people of their right to have their own experience. If you still consider it necessary to give a person instructions, then first you need to ask him if he wants to hear it.

“You’ve been dating so much already! You have to either break up or get married."

There are two weaknesses in this advice. On the one hand, if your relationship is wonderful and both are happy with everything, why change anything. The reason for this decision is not important, and you should not make excuses for it.

On the other hand, if the relationship has stopped growing, then perhaps there really is something wrong with it. Only the choice offered is strange. If the thought of getting married has never even crossed your mind, and your partner is not happy with something, getting married is clearly a bad idea. Getting married and having children cannot fix a relationship if it is already broken.

Consider the person's character and worldview

All people perceive information differently and therefore it needs to be presented differently. In other words, you need to speak to everyone in their own language. For example, direct advice from a woman to a man will most likely be met with hostility. Representatives of the stronger sex are quite independent and do not tolerate teaching from women.

If a wife or girlfriend wants to give advice to her man, then this should be done as veiled as possible. For example, if he can’t fix the faucet, you can say: “Listen, I’ve seen a lot of videos on YouTube about how to do it better, and I even tried it myself, but it didn’t work out for me. See if you can figure it out faster.”

If you are convinced that a person has high or low self-esteem, then it is better not to give such people advice at all. In the first case, you may run into aggression, but in the second, you will be knocking on closed doors. Oddly enough, in this situation it is better to ask for advice yourself, and then the person, unwittingly, will show you all the cards.

Introductory procedures

If you violate doctors’ recommendations, you may simply not get results from the procedure. “During any vaccination, it is not recommended to drink alcoholic beverages for the reason that they can affect the functioning of the vaccine itself. Sputnik V is administered twice - revaccination occurs after 21 days. And immunity begins to develop after three weeks. Accordingly, three weeks, or 21 days, should pass after the first vaccination, and the same after the second. That turns out to be exactly 42 days, during which it is recommended not to drink alcohol,” immunologist-allergist Vladimir Bolibok told Rossiyskaya Gazeta. He added that even after vaccination against seasonal flu, it is better to abstain from alcohol for several days. After all, alcohol itself suppresses the immune system.

When planning to get vaccinated against coronavirus, you do not need to follow any special rules. For example, some people believe that it is better not to eat in the morning. The doctor notes that a person can quite calmly follow his usual routine, have breakfast, and exercise. It is better to come to the clinic in a positive mood.

But if a person feels at least some kind of unwell, he should stay at home. Thus, many people experience coronavirus infection without significant symptoms. Director of the Institute of Health Economics at the Higher School of Economics Larisa Popovich believes that before vaccination it is better to do a Covid test to make sure that there is no virus in the body.

Bolibok clarifies that no matter how the disease progresses, it still affects one’s well-being. “If you don’t feel well or have a fever, you need to get treatment first. This is again a standard requirement for any vaccination. Any vaccine is an immunomodulator. When there is an infectious process in the body, there is no need to disrupt it with a vaccine against another antigen. This is illiterate. We need to wait until the body’s immune system defeats the current infection,” he says.

The vaccine should not be given during an exacerbation of a chronic disease. You need to wait 2-4 weeks after the exacerbation has passed. Immunomodulators have the property of provoking hidden foci of inflammation. The coronavirus vaccine is not recommended for pregnant women - it should be remembered that a pregnancy test will not be taken at the clinic, Bolibok emphasizes. He adds that if a person has had a mild form of acute respiratory viral infection, it is enough to wait three days and then get the COVID-19 vaccine.

The Sputnik V vaccine, according to Bolibok, is very reliable. At the same time, he recalls that not a single vaccine in the world can protect a person from contact with infection. But it will become the armor that will protect against the disease. “Vaccination is an element of social behavior, a respectful attitude towards one’s health and the health of others. When a person is vaccinated, his immune system recognizes the presence of coronavirus in the body and fights back. 19 times out of 20 you won't get sick. In one case out of 20, you will get sick, but in a very mild form - the same ARVI without lung damage,” explains the doctor.

He also said that today the most common consequences of a coronavirus infection are associated with changes in blood pressure. According to the doctor, we are talking about vasculitis - inflammation of the inner lining of blood vessels. They lead to the fact that inflammatory cells remain around small vessels even after the main inflammation has ended. Over time, such cells provoke the growth of collagen - the vessels become less elastic. Because of this, blood pressure increases, which can lead to serious consequences.

Meanwhile

An article appeared in the British scientific journal Nature that the first serious mutation of the coronavirus has been discovered, against which antibodies are powerless. Previously, scientists believed that mutations do not change the basic properties of the virus. Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center researchers found that some of the mutations affected a protein segment called the receptor-binding domain (RBD). Through it, the virus enters cells. One of the mutations managed to hide the virus from all the antibodies that fight the infection. And some managed to “escape” one of the three antibodies.

Rospotrebnadzor explains that the presence of antibodies does not always mean immunity to COVID-19. “Many tests used today detect antibodies to the nucleocapsid protein N, which is a marker of previous infection (but not the presence of immune protection). Other antibodies have a protective (neutralizing) function - IgG to the S-protein (spike protein), or more precisely, to its receptor-binding domain (RBD). It is tests to determine IgG to the S-protein that make it possible to judge the presence of protective immunity,” Mikhail Lebedev, a leading expert at the Center for Molecular Diagnostics CMD of the Central Research Institute of Epidemiology of Rospotrebnadzor, explained to RG.

Prepared by Olga Ignatova, Tatyana Karabut

Be friendly and polite

Imagine yourself in the place of your interlocutor: how would you like to be given advice? Transfer this model to your own behavior. Maintain a calm, friendly tone, do not reproach or blame the person for anything. Show that you sincerely want to help him. If he refuses to accept your advice, respect his refusal. After all, it is his life and he has the right to make mistakes.

Try to give advice face to face. If you start instructing a person in public, you will humiliate him. He may begin to develop a complex, and harbor hostility towards you. Sometimes the best advice is a gift with which you hint to the person what he is missing. For example, instead of blaming the daughter-in-law for bad cooking, it is better for the mother-in-law to give her a new frying pan.

“At your age, it’s time to get married and have children.”

The recipient of the message may be 20 or 40 years old, but the meaning is the same: his life path does not correspond to the generally accepted one. The average scenario looks like this: get an education, find a job, get married, give birth to your first child in a year or two, then think about the second. Little things like you just haven't met the right person don't interest anyone. If you met, but did not put a stamp in your passport, this is regarded as a life tragedy. And if you are already married, but don’t want to reproduce, it’s even worse.

When the socially acceptable scenario is on one side of the scale, and personal happiness is on the other, it is better to think about yourself.

There is no reason to rush into the first relationship you come across, just so as not to disappoint anyone. People in general are getting married later and later Demographic Yearbook of Russia - 2021. In the modern world, the chances of finding love are high at any age, including due to the expansion of geography and search channels. And even if all the good options are now taken, many of them will soon get divorced - so says When is it time for couples? Modern family in graphs and figures statistics.

With children everything is a little different. 40, of course, is the new 20, but fertility works the same way. Women's Delayed child-bearing ability to conceive begins to rapidly deteriorate after 37 years, men's Fertility and the Aging Male - after 40 and a little slower. Therefore, if you are postponing childbearing until later, you need to pay attention to examinations. But at any age, the decision to have a child must be meaningful, otherwise instead of one happy person, you risk getting several unhappy ones.

Adjustment for subjectivity

We all have different heredity, habits and outlook on life. Even if a person has a similar situation, he still lives it in his own way. Our experiences have helped us get through difficult times, but our patterns of behavior and thinking may not work for other people. Each case must be considered individually and, based on this, advice must be given.

When giving instructions to your interlocutor, do not present this information as undeniable truth. Just share your experience and say: “I had such and such, but you can do it your own way, because no one knows how it will be better.”

“The main thing in a relationship is patience. Just be patient"

Even if people are literally made for each other, they sometimes have contradictions. They quarrel, make arguments, look for options that suit both, and wait out difficult periods together. The word “patience” can be applied with a stretch only to the latter, and even then we are talking more about the situation, and not about the partner and his behavior.

If the ability to steadfastly endure pain, troubles, sorrows, misfortunes is the main thing in your relationship, then this is a bad relationship. Don't think that everyone around you lives the same way. By leaving everything as it is and not daring to break up, you yourself are prolonging the agony.

Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

Let the other person just talk

Often people do not need advice so much as the opportunity to share their pain and “cry into their vest.” This is especially true for women. First, listen to your interlocutor completely, let him express his feelings. Try to understand his problem and evaluate it impartially. If a person turns to you for advice, it means he trusts you.

But even if he showed a desire to speak out to you, this does not mean that he needs your instructions. Most likely, he just wants to pour out his soul to his friend without hearing reproaches and teachings after him.

* * *

When you mentor someone, consider whether they need your advice and how they can apply it. Often people who talk about their bad experiences clip the other person's wings instead of supporting them. Therefore, give advice only when you are sure that you can help someone solve their problem.

How to make key decisions in your personal life?

To contents

There are two approaches to help you make the right choice: logical and intuitive. In the first case, you need to carefully consider all the options and consequences. Using this approach, you can think through the pros and cons, and analyze the likely benefits and losses of potential options.

It is possible to rely on logic when all the initial information is available and the consequences can be predicted. Typically, the approach is used when the likelihood of risks is high and the results of decision-making are determinable, for example, in business.

The following scheme can be used:

But there are situations when it is almost impossible to imagine how events will develop in the future. There is no previous experience and no opportunity to obtain and analyze information from other sources. And you need to make a choice quickly. In such a situation, there is only one thing left to do - listen to your intuition.

You can also use effective psychological techniques to make a decision.

"Glass of water"

The method of American parapsychologist Jose Silva is typically intuitive, and, despite its non-standard nature, it works:

1. In the evening, before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water.
2. Holding it in both palms, we close our eyes and concentrate on the problem that worries us.
3. We clearly formulate the issue that needs to be resolved.
4. Slowly, we drink half a glass, repeating in our thoughts something like this: “This is all that is necessary to make the right decision.”
5. We place the glass with the rest of the water next to the bed and go to bed.
6. The next morning, when we wake up, we first drink water and thank the subconscious for the right choice.

A good idea on how to deal with the problem will come immediately after waking up or throughout the day.

"Expanding Options"

Often a person is “stuck” on making one decision: “YES or NO”, “Do or NOT do.” Focusing on this, he does not take other options into account. In a simple example it looks like this. A person is debating whether to buy his dream car on credit or continue using public transport. An alternative to traveling by bus is to purchase an inexpensive car without a loan.

"Good advice"

The human psyche is like this: we easily give the right advice to our acquaintances, but in a similar situation we ourselves act unreasonably. This is due to the fact that when we think about the choice of another person, we notice only the most significant. But when it comes to ourselves, we obsess over the little things. To free yourself from the influence of insignificant things, when making a decision, you need to think about what you would recommend to a friend in a similar situation.

"Delay"

If you can't make a choice, take a break. When the brain is excited and overloaded with information, it is difficult to make the right decision. To avoid the consequences of a wrong choice, take a break, calm down, and once again analyze the pros and cons. There are not too many situations in everyday life that require immediate resolution - don’t be afraid to give yourself a reprieve.

“Never ask for help, it shows your weakness.”

If you are a person and not a robot, sometimes you can't handle things. And in such a situation, it is normal to ask for help and accept it. Especially if the success of the common task depends on the result of your actions. For example, if you miss a deadline and it hurts a work project, it is better to involve your colleagues than to let everyone down.

Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

Quick formulation

#1 Practice (the fastest and 100% way)

Just as a muscle increases with loads, so does the speed of formulation increase with practice. And if a muscle can still be pumped up with a magic powder or an injection, then this is no longer possible. This means you will have to make an effort.

But there is a secret - boring practice will only harm us . Studying dictionaries, saving newspaper clippings and standing idle in front of a mirror will only discourage the desire to develop yourself. Therefore, you need to take on only what will be interesting. And you can try the following:

• Take any word and give it a definition For example, when you are standing and washing the dishes, there is nothing special to do, both hands are busy and all you can do is think. This is the time to practice.
  Oh, spoon! A spoon is a voluminous, one-sided convex object endowed with the ability to send food into the mouth. Plate. A plate is a flat material body of a round shape that serves as a reservoir of food for a person. And so on in the same way.

  With the help of such tomfoolery, the brain forms clichés (template phrases) and then uses them for conversation. He doesn’t have to formulate it - you’ve already done it in advance - he just has to remember and put it into words.

• Read aloud If you read at least a few pages a day, then you can read one page out loud. In this case, the brain will not only see, but also hear beautiful speech. Here again the memory works, forming templates.
• Start keeping a diary or blog
  Reading is good, but putting your thoughts on paper is even better. You kind of set limits for yourself: if in your head you could change, turn over and delete sentences, then on paper you only have one attempt.

  You make the same attempt when speaking, so this exercise is as close to reality as possible.

• Speak out your actions
  Imagine yourself as the host of a cooking show when you are preparing a sandwich, or as a driving instructor when you are driving a car. The more you talk and develop speech patterns, the easier it will be for you to express your thoughts later.
• Don't be afraid of discussions
  In a dispute, not only truth is born, but also the ability to express one’s point of view. It's like chess: you analyze your opponent, attack his arguments, make your own - in general, it's a good workout.

  Agree that training with a living person is much better than training with a punching bag (in our case, with entries in a diary). Try to take advantage of any situation, so do not miss the opportunity to participate in an argument.

#2 Wisdom of all wise men

2 ears – 1 mouth. Listen more - talk less. Speak without thinking - shoot without aiming.

All these aphorisms boil down to one thing: before you say anything, you need to listen carefully and think through your speech. It's simple math: the less you say, the less likely you are to say something stupid. The more you listen, the better you will be able to think through your thoughts. [adsense1] After thinking and taking time, you will be fully armed:

• Are you prepared for your interlocutor’s questions?
• You don’t engage in chatter, but convey information briefly and to the point
• You express your thoughts consistently and it is easier for you to convince a person

In order to do all this, you need to formulate a talking point in your head - determine what you want to say. Then, gradually coat them with sugar - arguments, justifications and answers to possible questions. And in the end, express your thoughts without further ado, explaining and illustrating if necessary.

#3 Cheat sheet

In some situations, thoughts don't fit on their own, so you need to have a plan B. That is, when you feel that you have lost the thread or lost the topic, you need to smoothly jump off the conversation or switch to an abstract subject.

For this you will need prepared phrases. You can come up with them yourself, or you can take them from the list below:

• “Phew, I’ve worked so hard that my head is a mess. Let me tell you later...” (To be honest, you are talking nonsense)
• “Well, here’s the story, I don’t remember everything. You’d better tell me how Vovka is doing” (Switch to the interlocutor, and then ask questions)
• “Oh, look what a car drove by, I heard it.....” (Quickly switch to surrounding objects to return and summarize)
• “Okay, it’s all empty. Let's talk about business..." (Reduce everything to stupidity and focus on another topic)

These are the simplest and most versatile options. To evade the conversation less noticeably, you can come up with versions for your environment.

“Why do you need to go to a psychologist? Just find something to do."

Mental health has long remained a taboo topic because it casts a shadow on a person. It seems that if you go to a specialist who treats your head, everyone will think you are crazy. Although there are many diseases, disorders, borderline states and simply the consequences of trauma (sometimes inflicted by the same parents), which in no way prevent a person from being an adequate and worthy member of society. But they greatly worsen his quality of life.

Meanwhile, devaluing problems only prevents them from being solved. For example, people with depression are often advised to “just take a break,” find a hobby, or get it together, because many have it worse. Although this condition requires pills and long work with a psychologist to at least learn how to get out of bed every morning.

Being sick is unpleasant, but normal. You are not ashamed to go to the emergency room if you have a broken leg. Don’t delay visiting a specialist if you feel the need.

Do your parents give you similar advice? Which ones irritate you the most? Share in the comments.

How to make your speech beautiful

First of all, in your quest to learn how to speak correctly, you need a responsible approach and a clearly developed strategy. It will also be useful for you to follow several rules in the process of improving your speech:

• Eliminate parasitic words from circulation.
• Read fiction.
• Constantly enrich your speech with new words.
• Deal with diction or pronunciation defects.
• Listen to beautiful and correct speech.
• Retell what you read or heard.
• Avoid tautologies. Highlight the main thing.
• Develop memory
• Dealing with public fear

These tips seem simple, but only constant adherence to them will lead to the desired result. You can deliver a speech without outside help, all you need is self-control and discipline.

WHY DO MOST ADVICE TURN OUT HARMFUL?

Oh yes, for many reasons!

• Often, we simply run into someone else's territory so as not to deal with our own. We shift our attention away from what we should actually be doing, overestimating the importance of the other person's situation to us. And all this in order not to notice how we are doing nonsense, instead of doing something useful to solve our own problems. It seems that we are busy with something very important and in general are altruists to the core, instead of our daily needs we save someone else...

• We see echoes of our situation in the situation of another person, we project and, it seems, solve our problem without changing anything in reality.

• We take on a piece of responsibility for the decision another person makes. Even if he asks for it and, even more so, if he doesn’t ask for it, we take away his resource for growth and development, not allowing him to independently go through the path prepared for him. By the way, the situation is completely different with paid expert consultations. Contacting a specialist is an independent step that brings a person closer to solving his problem.

• We do not have complete information, so any advice may turn out to be inappropriate, and may lead a person who is not too confident in his own opinion further from the right decision. In addition, we are all very different, we have different tastes and visions, different values, so we advise based on the picture of the world, which may not coincide with the picture of the world of another person.

• Criticism, which many consider also a form of advice, can hurt so much that a person completely stops doing what he was doing, what gave him joy and promised amazing prospects. The degree of sensitivity is different for everyone, my students in the courses, for example, are very afraid to go out to the world with their thoughts and ideas on their own blog, because they are afraid that a stranger, Vasya, will think differently about them and say it out loud. Don’t be “Vasya”, don’t clip the wings of fledgling birds!

“Why move? Stay. Needed where was born"

Parents may be discouraged from moving for various reasons. For example, they are sincerely convinced that you will settle down better in your current place: in your Moscow you will be a line worker, but here you will soon head a department, “only Uncle Pasha will retire.” Or they don't believe in your abilities. Or they are simply worried that they will be bored, but do not know how to correctly express their feelings.

But if you understand that you are ready to look for your happiness elsewhere, start preparing the ground. Life is too short to set your own limits.

It is worth remembering: moving is not an easy adventure. There are people who take off spontaneously and achieve dizzying success. But it’s better to prepare and calculate everything: assess the chances of finding a job, save money for the first time and at the same time figure out what to do if nothing works out.

“Are you buying your own toys again? It's time to grow up"

It is naive to say that age is a social construct that does not solve anything. You may be 20 at heart, but if your joints are already 40, they will remind you of it. Nevertheless, a very strange practice characteristic of the older generation is to give up living and start living almost immediately after 30.

At any age, you can radically change your image and life priorities, recolor your hair and apartment, acquire an extravagant hobby, or go on a trip around the world.

And entertainment and impractical purchases certainly have nothing to do with the date on the passport - unless, of course, they are made after paying all the obligatory bills, and not instead. A person with a full collection of figurines from a fantasy series can be much more responsible and smarter than his peer with an “adult” hobby.

Give the right compliments

Compliments are a very powerful tool if used correctly. The correct way to use compliments is to make them about something the person is proud of. Eg:

• If the person is in good shape and it is obvious that he spends a lot of time in the gym, compliment him on his figure.
• If a person is successful in their career, compliment their creativity, business acumen, or intelligence.

Don't compliment people's qualities unless they have achieved it themselves. Don't tell a beautiful girl that she is beautiful. She already knows that.

Reading and reading again

An effective way to develop speech in adults and children is reading. You don't need to read everything. Classic literature or special books on speech development are perfect.

We can recommend such works as “The Living and the Dead Word” by Nora Gal, “From Adam’s Apple to the Apple of Discord” by Vadim Khrapp and “Alive as Life” by Korney Chukovsky.

There is a lot of worthy literature on the Internet, reading which will help you improve your speech and expand your vocabulary.

Retelling what you read can increase efficiency. Just ask someone to monitor how correctly and consistently you present the text.

As you read, you will come across interesting quotes. We recommend writing down the ones you especially like in a notebook so that you can re-read them and remember them from time to time.

In addition to books, social networks are also teeming with clever phrases and excerpts from books. It doesn’t matter where the quotes come from, it’s much more important to remember them.

In the right situation, your brain will tell you who is worth quoting. Such a sudden coloration of speech can turn your words into a real masterpiece of oratory.