How often in our lives do we feel the need to somehow psychologically influence a person? No, here we are not talking about manipulating people at all, but about, for example, winning over your interlocutor, getting someone to like you, softening someone’s anger or calming them down, finding a common language with work colleagues or business partners and other similar things. things. We are sure that everyone has encountered something similar and will encounter it more than once.
In this article, we hasten to share with you interesting psychological tricks and techniques. Their main value is that they really work and help achieve the desired result. Some of them, of course, resemble manipulative techniques, so we advise you to use them only for good purposes, and not for uncontrolled control of other people.
Ask for a favor
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We're talking about an effect known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. One day, Franklin needed to win the favor of a man who didn’t like him very much. Then Franklin politely asked this man to lend him a rare book and, having received what he wanted, thanked him even more politely. Previously, this person avoided even talking to him, but after this incident they became friends. This story repeats itself over and over again. The point is that someone who has done you a favor once will be more willing to do it again compared to someone who owes you something. The explanation is simple - a person decides that since you are asking him for something, then if necessary, you yourself will respond to his request, so he should do the same as you.
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Sometimes in our lives it happens that we cannot find a common language with someone or find ourselves in a situation where we are embarrassed to ask another person about something.
Almost all people on Earth find themselves in situations where they experience difficulties in communicating. To overcome such a psychological barrier, it is worth mastering the most effective methods of communication.
Most often, friendly communication is hampered by such factors as: lack of confidence in oneself, one’s words or actions, self-absorption in one’s problems, categoricalness, bad mood, self-confidence and banality.
✔ Uncertainty most often gets in the way between interlocutors . Discomfort, lack of correct words, unclear speech - these are signs of psychological uncertainty. If this excessively interferes with a person’s life, career growth, etc., then there is only one way out - turning to a professional psychologist for help.
✔ Self-absorption into one’s own problems repels the interlocutor, because everyone is interested in talking about their own, and not interested in hearing about other people’s problems. Therefore, when choosing topics for conversation, you need to carefully avoid those issues that interest only you. It is better to prepare topics that are interesting to your interlocutor - this way you will be known as an attentive person.
✔ Categoricality is not the best friend in dialogues. Intransigence and rigidity of views, rejection of someone else’s point of view repel the interlocutor. This is acceptable in isolated cases when it is impossible to prove your point of view on some important issue without being categorical. In all other cases, you should be flexible and allow your interlocutor to defend his opinion.
✔ Few people can control their mood , so it is best to admit to your interlocutor that you are not in the best mood. This way you will generate sympathy and condescension.
✔ Self-confidence is similar to swagger. It is worth considering that all people are different, with different education, level of knowledge and worldview, so if you want to be known as an interesting conversationalist, then you need to be loyal to those with whom you communicate.
✔ Trivial topics for conversation evoke one desire - to end the conversation as soon as possible. The conversation should be interesting from beginning to end, the phrase “How are you?” and the answer “Everything is fine” does not provide an opportunity to continue the conversation. It is better to ask the person about his specific plans.
It is important to show your friendly mood when talking - smile, say some kind of compliment, etc. This will win over your interlocutor faster and more accurately than a stream of stock phrases.
♦ Here are techniques with which you can improve relationships with others
1. If the interlocutor’s answer does not suit you - for example, he did not say something, expressed himself unclearly, or lied - there is no need to ask again. Instead, just silently and carefully look into his eyes - this technique simply will not leave him a chance, and he will be forced to continue his thought.
2. If someone is yelling at you, make an effort to remain completely calm and remain calm . The screamer's first reaction is anger, which your behavior will only provoke, but it will subside very quickly, and reaction number two will begin - a feeling of guilt for your defiant and aggressive behavior. Most likely, it will be the screaming one who will ask for forgiveness.
3. If everyone in the company starts laughing at once , then everyone, at the level of instinct, looks at the one who is most attractive to him, with whom he would like to become closer. Therefore, catch your eyes after a successful joke - you will learn a lot of new things.
4. If you know that you will hear criticism from a person (they will make comments or scold), take courage and try to sit or stand next to him - in this case he will soften, and there will be much less negativity coming from him than if you were at a distance.
5. A person associates eating with peace and security, because we do it most often at home, within our own walls. That is why, if you are very worried, chew gum : it will trick your brain into thinking that you are eating, which means you will feel more confident and calm.
6. An old and proven method used by many students during the exam is to imagine that the teacher is your good and close friend , then it will be much easier to answer, and you will feel calmer. This technique is also effective in other situations. For example, it can be used before an important interview.
7. When meeting a person, express a little more joy towards him : for example, smile sincerely or try to say his name softly and warmly, then over time you will begin to treat him much better, and the joy from the meeting will be sincere.
8. If your work involves people, then you can “force” them to behave more politely and gently : place a mirror behind you so that your interlocutors can see their reflection. As a rule, we always try to look better in the mirror, we smile, but we don’t want to see ourselves as evil and harmful.
9. To win over a person at the first meeting and gain his sympathy , simply determine his eye color at the time of meeting: eye contact is attractive.
10. If you want to attract the attention of a person you like , look closely at the object located directly behind his shoulders. As soon as you realize that you have caught the eye of the object of sympathy on you, quickly look into his eyes and smile slightly - it works flawlessly.
11. In fact, we can control our stress : when you are very worried, feel how you begin to breathe deeper, how your heart beats faster, and try to force yourself to breathe calmer and balance the beat. We really can do this.
12. When setting any requirements or conditions, initially raise the bar . Most likely, the person will not agree to this and will refuse. But on the other hand, he will agree one hundred percent to the real conditions that you offer later: people are inclined to give you less if they previously refused you something more.
13. People are drawn to those who are confident in themselves and their actions , so just show that you know exactly what you are talking about (even if this is not entirely true).
Many people believe that the essence of human communication is only the exchange of information. But it is not so.
The essence of human communication is what kind of feedback (at the level of feelings, emotions) you give in response. What tone and intonation do you use to express your feelings? It could be surprise, calm, sadness, joy, delight, etc.
♦ What is it desirable to know about the principles of communication with other people?
First, during communication you should not feel guilty. Psychologists have discovered that behind the feeling of guilt is the fear of punishment. If you experience fear of punishment, you thereby “open the door” to a person who treats you unkindly. Guilt has a destructive effect on your self-esteem .
Secondly, you should not react to your interlocutor’s anger or irritation with fear or anxiety. It is advisable to learn to defend your psychological boundaries calmly.
Third, there is no need to make excuses, clarify, or explain anything when they find fault with you. It makes more sense to answer kindly and calmly, but formulate the response phrase only in the form of an open question. An open-ended question begins with the words “What? Where? When? Where? What exactly? How exactly? For what purpose?". For example, “What exactly surprises you? "; “What’s wrong?”... When they express complaints or wishes to you, you can say, “I’ll think about what can be done.” With this phrase, you do not allow your interlocutor to associate work with your personality. If you failed to do your job somewhere, this is not a reason to devalue you as a person.
Fourth, it is advisable to learn to speak, at least in a calm tone . Aggressive, hostile speech, full of hatred and resentment makes an unpleasant impression on others. Kindness and the ability to get along with other people are signs of mental well-being.
Our facial expressions are closely related to emotions: we raise our eyebrows when we are moved, we squint our eyes when we cry. And, on the contrary, facial expressions affect the internal state: if right now we make a grimace similar to the one that appears on the face when crying, most likely, tears will begin to roll in on their own ☻.
Use this feature to your advantage: smile! Smile just like that, for no reason, and after just a few seconds this smile will become real and sincere! Based on materials from www.adme.ru, www.psyline.ru, www.vitamarg.com
See also:
How to “come out with honor” from difficult situations
What makes you put off your intentions?
Loser is not about us! 7 reasons to increase your personal effectiveness
Demand more
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This technique is called the "door to the forehead." You need to ask a person to do more than you actually want from him. You can also ask to do something ridiculous. Most likely he will refuse. Soon after, feel free to ask for what you wanted in the first place - the person will feel bad for refusing you the first time, and if you now ask for something reasonable, they will feel obligated to help.
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a type of social influence that focuses on various methods of suggestion that influence the interlocutor through the subconscious. A person who has this knowledge is a subtle psychologist by nature. As a rule, it is typical for him to put on different masks for certain roles and, without much effort, force him to do something that is not typical for his opponent. Such people achieve their goals using certain techniques and know how to influence people.
Call the person by name
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The famous American psychologist Dale Carnegie believes that calling a person by name is incredibly important. A proper name for any person is the most pleasant combination of sounds. It is an essential part of life, so its utterance seems to confirm for a person the fact of his own existence. And this, in turn, makes you feel positive emotions towards the one who pronounces the name. The use of title, social status, or the form of address itself also influences in the same way. If you behave a certain way, you will be treated that way. For example, if you call a person your friend, he will soon feel friendly feelings towards you. And if you want to work for someone, call him boss.
Trick #3 - Offer your friends a treat if they're having an argument.
This psychological trick is one of the classic ones. You may not know, but food, especially fatty and sweet foods, has a calming effect on the psyche. Moreover, almost all products and dishes from this category emit a strong smell, which will certainly distract those in conflict from each other.
So, to ease the tension between your friends (during an awkward acquaintance or quarrel), invite them to eat pizza, pasta, ice cream or another product that can be placed in the center of the table. A joint meal will bring your comrades closer together, and without noticing it themselves, they will begin to communicate, abstracting from the initial negativity.
Flatter
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At first glance, the tactic is obvious, but there are some caveats. If your flattery doesn't seem sincere, it will do more harm than good. Researchers have found that people tend to seek cognitive balance by trying to keep their thoughts and feelings aligned. So if you flatter people with high self-esteem and the flattery sounds sincere, they will like you because you will validate their own thoughts. But flattery towards people with low self-esteem can lead to negative feelings because your words contradict their opinion of themselves. Of course, this does not mean that such people should be humiliated - you definitely won’t win their sympathy that way.
Don't criticize
Experts pay a lot of attention to the question of how to influence people and the psychological methods of such influence. However, words can spoil your opinion of yourself, so you should adhere to general rules when communicating with your interlocutor. First, don't criticize your opponent, because no one likes criticism, not even those who call for honesty. Therefore, you should not think that with the help of criticism you will do him a great service. Secondly, you should not argue with your interlocutor until you are blue in the face, even if you are sure that you are right. To avoid leaving yourself and your opponent with unpleasant feelings after a conversation, you need to behave as delicately as possible. The best option in a dispute would be to go to peace.
If you need to correct your interlocutor, you first need to agree with him, then find the strengths in his judgments, use them as a support to assert that he is right. Using this method, you can figure out the most delicate moments and push your opponent to the right train of thought. Thus, in order not to spoil the relationship, but rather to improve it and achieve sympathy from your interlocutor, you need to forget about criticism and argument.
Reflect
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Reflection is also known as mimicry. Many people use this method naturally, without even thinking about what they are doing: they automatically copy other people's behavior, manner of speech and even gestures. But this technique can be used completely consciously. People tend to treat better those who are similar to them. An equally curious fact is that if during a recent conversation someone “reflected” a person’s behavior, then for some time this person will be more pleasant to communicate with other people, even if they had nothing to do with that conversation. The reason is most likely the same as in the case of calling someone by name - the behavior of the interlocutor confirms the very fact of the existence of the person.
We nod our heads
Once you've figured out how to manipulate people with words, don't forget the importance of gestures. For example, nodding during a conversation represents agreement and confirmation of some information, which gives the interlocutor confidence in his words. It has been noted that a listener who does not nod looks less attractive in the eyes of the speaker than one who nods. In addition, a person who nods is the most likely to agree with everything they hear.
Take advantage of your opponent's fatigue
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When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to other people's words, be it a request or a statement. The reason is that fatigue not only affects the body, but also reduces mental energy levels. When you ask a tired person for a favor, you will probably get an answer like “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow” - because at the moment the person does not want to solve any more problems. But the next day the person will most likely fulfill his promise - people, as a rule, try to keep their word, because otherwise they get psychological discomfort.
Give the illusion of choice
There is a psychological trick that provides the illusion of choice. Such tricks are very helpful in everyday life, especially when raising children and grandchildren. For example, there are teachers and educators who use the illusion of choice method. They don’t ask questions: “Well, let’s get started?” Instead, they ask: “Shall we write examples with a pencil or a pen?” Children are so absorbed in the selection process that they forget about their reluctance to solve examples. So in this way you can resolve conflicts, instead of asking “Did you push your classmate?”, ask “Why did you push your classmate?” You will be surprised how this method works on children, sometimes even on adults. You just need to ask the right way.
Offer something that would be difficult to refuse
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This is the opposite technique to point number two. Instead of making a big request right away, try starting small. If a person helps you with something minor, he will be more willing to fulfill a more important request. Scientists have tested this method in relation to marketing. They began to encourage people to express support for the environment and the conservation of the rainforest. Pretty easy request, right? When people completed what was required, they were asked to buy food - all proceeds will be used to preserve these very forests, of course. Most people did this too. However, be careful: you should not first ask for one thing and then immediately ask for something completely different. It is much more effective to wait a day or two.
Methods of psychological influence on people in social advertising: examples
Commercial advertising differs from social advertising; its main goal is the slogan “Buy!” Social advertising has other goals:
- Awareness;
- Achieving target behavior;
- Formation of approved submissions;
- Assimilation of information;
- Recommendation of behavior models.
To have a psychological impact on people, social advertising must have such a concept as emotionality . That is, advertising should evoke emotions. These emotions can be both negative and positive. Positive emotions, for example, encourage a person to follow an example, to act one way and not another. Negative ones, on the contrary, lead a person to the realization that there is no need to do this.
Important: A person’s emotional memory is the strongest. Even if a person is not affected by advertising settings, he will still remember it if it is emotional. However, if the advertisement does not contain strong emotions, it will not attract the viewer's attention.
Social videos where the main characters are children, people with disabilities, and the elderly have a special emotional effect.
We offer an example of social advertising with a strong psychological impact in the video at the end of the article.
Now you know what techniques and methods of psychological influence on people are available. You can try to apply them in practice, it is much more interesting than reading theory.
Know how to listen
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Telling someone that they are wrong is not the best way to win someone over. The effect will most likely be the opposite. There is another way to express disagreement without making an enemy. For example, listen to what your interlocutor says and try to understand how he feels and why. Then you will find something in common in your seemingly opposing opinions and can use this to explain your position. Express your agreement first - this way the person will be more attentive to your subsequent words.
The power of compliments
Every person loves to be praised. But what to hide, sometimes even open flattery is pleasant. And, by the way, there is nothing shameful in this. This is considered one of the psychological methods. How to influence people with this knowledge? It is flattery that can be turned into a powerful weapon in the fight for the success of negotiations, if used correctly. One of the main principles of flattery is honesty, so it is important to speak openly and sincerely, otherwise it can only cause hostility and rejection, since falsehood always catches the eye. In order to speak beautifully about a person, it is important to know his opinion about himself, and it will also not be superfluous to understand the psychology of people. You should not say out loud what your interlocutor may not like. In addition, it is not recommended to flatter a person who has low self-esteem, as he may take it with hostility.
Repeat after your interlocutor
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One of the most effective ways to win someone over and show that you really understand them is to paraphrase what they say. Say the same thing, only in your own words. This technique is also known as reflective listening. This is what psychotherapists often do - people tell them more about themselves, and an almost friendly relationship is built between the doctor and the patient. This technique is easy to use when talking with friends. Formulate the phrase they just said as a question - this way you will show that you listened carefully and understood the person, and he will be more comfortable with you. He will also listen to your opinion more because you have already made it clear that you care about him.
Exercises to practice communication skills
Communication skills need to be constantly trained. This is the only way you will learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.
If your shyness and timidity do not allow you to even approach a stranger, then you should seek advice from a psychologist. The following exercises will help you practice your communication skills.
Conversation with furniture
Every day tell your table, chair or indoor flower about how your day went, what interesting things happened. Try to hold back your fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.
This exercise will help you express your thoughts coherently, logically and competently, not get confused in them, and also adjust your facial expressions and gestures. If you can’t have a conversation with furniture, then a pet would be an even better listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always willingly listen to the stories of its owner.
Monologue in front of the mirror
Go to the mirror and start saying out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, consistently developing them to create an interesting story.
This exercise will help you understand how you look from the outside during a conversation, learn how to write coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 – 3 times a week.
Retelling
Surely you have a favorite blog or site that you read every day - for example, the “In Your Home” blog. This will be very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very long, then retell it gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.
This exercise develops the skill of thinking and speaking at the same time. Thanks to it, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve good results, you need to exercise daily.
Development of someone else's thought
The exercise begins by turning on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.
This training develops mental flexibility and teaches you to find non-standard solutions. Exercise 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.
5 strangers
The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Train yourself to start a casual conversation with five strangers every day. Not less! These could be random passers-by, from whom you can ask the time or clarify the route, a consultant in a store, to whom you turn for advice on choosing a product... In general, there should be no problems with finding strangers. They surround us literally everywhere. You just need to leave the house.
To practice your speaking technique, I recommend you watch this interesting video:
