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A person’s complexes are a subjective and distorted opinion about himself, as a result of which he experiences deep emotional stress. As a result of such erroneous thoughts, the quality of life deteriorates significantly. People deprive themselves of the opportunity to enjoy it and acquire signs of childhood shyness. Such conditions appear in early childhood, but can also develop for the first time in adulthood.
Concept
In the psychological dictionary you will find the following definition - this is a group of mental processes formed on the basis of deep factors influencing the development of the psyche.
Speaking about complex people, we assume that they have a distorted idea of themselves and the surrounding reality, which arose in the light of specific experiences. On the foundation of these distortions, a whole system of beliefs is born, which collectively influence the emotional state, perception of the world, and motives for actions.
The root cause of complexes is most often a specific psychological trauma of the past. Once having experienced mental pain, we consciously or unconsciously develop a certain defense mechanism that should protect us from repeating such an unpleasant situation.
Signs
There are several common signs of the appearance of complexes in humans:
- increased concern about one’s behavior;
- close attention to inappropriate actions as a reaction to the actions of other people;
- excessive constraint psychologically and physically when compared with others;
- increased anxiety associated with meeting significant people;
- reactions to various situations and people that are atypical for a balanced individual.
Separately, each of these signs is not significant, but collectively these are symptoms of the manifestation of various complexes or shortcomings that the individual carefully hides from the outside world.
Sources of origin, causes of human complexes: examples
Such attitudes are formed in childhood. Their emergence and development is facilitated, first of all, by the child’s immediate environment. Being children and not yet having highly developed analytical abilities, we, like a sponge, absorb everything that, one way or another, concerns us and put it aside on a subconscious level. After reading the following text, you will most likely remember what from the past could so significantly influence your worldview in the future.
Parents
It is in the family that the foundations of self-esteem are born. The baby catches every remark, reproach, demand, praise or request addressed to him. He completely and completely trusts the opinions and assessments of adults. If you try, you can easily remember the characteristic phrases that you heard addressed to you at a young age. For example, a girl who was often compared with others, singled out from everyone else, and had hopes placed on her, may in the future suffer from the “excellent student” syndrome (we’ll talk about it below).
Consciously or unconsciously, parents always transmit to their child a whole series of guidelines, attitudes based on their plans and expectations, as well as ideas about what is right and what is wrong.
Friends and Society
By interacting with other people, a person forms an opinion about himself. Assessment of the environment becomes especially important during adolescence. The attitude of acquaintances, peers and adults directly affects the subconscious of a teenager. Many failures are perceived painfully by them, and if instead of support they are faced with ridicule or moralizing, in place of these negative emotions a feeling of their own inferiority will arise.
Personal experience
Daily events directly affect the perception of oneself and the world. Complexity is formed along with inadequate self-esteem, when an individual does not understand how to relate to himself and perceive the behavior of others. Often, as a result of certain factors, he feels like a failure and holds this belief for many years.
Guilt
Often, against the backdrop of a constant desire for justice, a person develops a constant feeling of guilt, even regarding those situations that concern him only indirectly. Being only a witness to some unfortunate incident, he begins to reproach himself for not being able to prevent it.
A person suffering from a complex tends to overestimate his capabilities, trying to “jump in over his head.” In most cases, he takes full responsibility and blame upon himself. Probably, in the past he committed some bad deed, which instilled a feeling of guilt for many years, and now the individual is trying with all his might to atone for it. We must try to understand that it is impossible to save everyone and everything.
Consequences of a guilt complex
Without complexes
Is it possible to live without such disorders? There is an opinion that the absence of any psychological restrictions is also a kind of problem.
From the point of view of the average person, uncomplicated people have bright, lively energy, they look confident, act decisively, actively, and do not feel shy or awkward. But in this case, we can talk not about the absence of hidden experiences, but about their small influence on the psyche.
Such a person is characterized by:
- adequate assessment of one’s abilities and capabilities;
- positive perception of oneself and one’s role in society;
- a friendly attitude towards others and the world in general;
- self-confidence;
- possession of a number of one’s own beliefs, opinions, ideas, adherence to principles.
Distinctive features of a complex person
In terms of its significance, this problem occupies a special place in the lives of all people in the world.
Faced with it almost every day, everyone should think about what human complexes are and why it is so important to know about their presence. There is no particular specificity among the signs, but there are still several general manners in behavior. Among them are the following:
- Cowardice
. This trait is inherent in almost all people with the presence of some kind of complex. All of them have a very painful time making important decisions and taking serious actions. This also applies to attending various events and meeting many people. Such people see difficulties in performing each of these actions. They have a hard time trying to pacify their excitement and anxiety. - Stiffness
. This manifestation distinguishes and makes notorious personalities more noticeable than others. This is because their movements are very slow and clumsy. They are almost never in a hurry and show little of their positive or negative emotions. People avoid noisy places and companies, preferring modest, quiet places to live and relax. When communicating, they rarely gesture or express interest. - Excessive excitement
. A rather dubious characteristic at first glance can be seen quite clearly in human behavior. This is most noticeable after he makes a decision on his own. And even when the action has already been completed. The feeling of doubt and the approaching responsibility for it make you constantly nervous. Such a reaction often attracts the attention of others, especially if it is the action of an adult. - Atypical reactions
. The point includes several different behavioral manners. This means that people behave strangely. They may suddenly run away from any events or not answer calls or messages. Their gaze will take on a suspicious appearance with drooping eyelids and pointed facial features. The feeling of fear can also cause expressionless twitching of facial muscles on a person.
How to get rid of complexes
First of all, if you want to eliminate psychological problems, you need to be determined to seriously work on yourself. It will be associated with a change in attitude towards one’s person, the development of an integral self-perception.
You can get to know your “I” better, learn about your true capabilities and see limiting beliefs by signing up for my consultation. After talking, we will create your personal development path.
What else to do
Ask yourself questions like:
1. What can I do well? How does this activity benefit me? How can I spread this to people?
A favorite activity is an opportunity not only to escape from internal experiences, but also a way to see your strengths. It can be a completely simple hobby, but it evokes positive emotions in you. Something in which you feel strong, confident. Be sure to find the answer. Don’t hide behind the barrier “I don’t know”, “I don’t have that”. Think carefully and make a list of things you enjoy doing. Let it be reading, making tea - something insignificant in a global sense, but very valuable to you.
2. Why do I compare myself to others?
Really, for what? Humanity is replete with rich, successful, beautiful, famous people. There will always be someone better than you. By spending time drawing parallels between your life and someone else's, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to enjoy the present and see opportunities for future growth.
3. Why don’t I believe in myself now?
Try to remind yourself that your uncertainty and constraint are not related to your current assessment of you as a person, but to events from the past. Remember a phrase you often heard from your parents or friends as a child. Perhaps you have simply become a hostage to the subconscious and cannot adequately evaluate yourself.
The one who does nothing makes no mistakes. Even if you get a negative experience again, this is a reason not to close yourself off, but to work on correcting existing shortcomings. This is the only way development happens. If you cannot answer these questions on your own, do not be afraid to seek help from a professional. Working with complexes is a deep, complex process that involves eliminating paradigms that have been developing over the years. It is absolutely normal if you cannot cope with such psychological problems on your own. Finding them and wanting to solve them is half the battle!
Ways to fight
When a person has no complexes or they have little effect on the psychological state, then the personality:
- has objective self-esteem;
- expects positive attitude from other people and from the entire outside world;
- positively perceives his personality in the environment.
Complexes interfere with a full life, in most cases it is necessary to get rid of them, and it does not matter whether they are physical or psychological.
First of all, you need to acknowledge the problem. This is already half of her solution; many people do not admit that they have this or that complex or very carefully hide them even from close people.
It is very important to be able to love yourself. When a person finds positive qualities and advantages in his appearance, he begins to love himself a little. You can also turn shortcomings into individual characteristics of your character, which also has a positive effect on self-esteem.
You can disguise what you personally think are ugly parts of the body or highlight them in an interesting way. This mainly concerns appearance: a person can create experiments with images, show imagination and add something very interesting to his appearance. Basic self-care, beautiful and appropriate clothes and makeup make a woman truly attractive, raise her self-esteem and increase her self-love.
You should objectively evaluate your personality and try to determine what are disadvantages and what are advantages.
And also, don’t think that if you’re not perfect, then there’s no need to take care of yourself. Sometimes a person with an interesting appearance is more popular than an ordinary man or woman.
A big misconception would be to only care about appearance. In addition to physical attributes, each person has natural charm, charm, mystery and intelligence. This data is no less important than beautiful clothes and a fashionable haircut.
Own inferiority
These people feel they are not as successful/beautiful/charming as others. In their own opinion, they do not live up to the standards accepted in society. This complex can arise both in childhood and in adulthood. People with such a complex speak about themselves in a self-deprecating tone and perceive praise addressed to them as ridicule.
A person suffering from this complex is unsure of himself, is very dependent on the opinions of others, cannot defend his opinion, and is unable to speak publicly. If we are talking about a woman, such behavior is caused by dissatisfaction with her appearance. She tries to be inconspicuous, speaks quietly, dresses gloomily and grey. A child with such a problem does poorly at school, does not communicate with peers, and is antisocial.
Usually such people neglect their needs, limit themselves in everything, thinking that they are so imperfect and insignificant that it is not worth taking on the task, they will not achieve success anyway.
An inferiority complex in women is manifested by trying not to stand out
Cinderella and Peter Pan
The basis for the formation of these syndromes is insufficient faith in one’s own strength. Has a close connection with infantilism.
- The “followers” of Peter Pan are most often men who do not want to grow up. They avoid responsibility, are reluctant to make decisions, do not make plans and live for today. Any hint of having a family and children causes them horror. Mostly they live with their parents until the maximum possible time. They criticize the structure of society, secretly hoping that one day success will unexpectedly fall on them.
- Women, mostly young ones, suffer from the Cinderella complex. They are looking for their patron in this huge and hostile world, who would protect them from adversity. This happens from the fear of loneliness, the desire to hide. These are the girls who were pampered in childhood and kept in hothouse conditions, or those who were sorely lacking in attention.
