7 psychological life hacks that will allow you to better understand people

— How can I understand whether a person sincerely wishes me well, is interested in communication, and treats me well? Or does he want to use me, deceive me, assert himself at my expense? How to learn to understand people so as not to become a victim of your own gullibility or ignorance?

As sad as it is, it happens that, considering a person to be friendly and sincere, we are deceived in him. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone’s manipulation. Or the person we are communicating with suddenly says or does something that was not at all expected from him. And now we don’t know what to do; we feel resentment, bewilderment, and anxiety. It’s not clear why he behaves this way, what’s wrong with him?

I wish I could learn some simple rules in order to find an approach to people and not make mistakes in them.

Life hack No. 1 – determine the norm of human behavior

All people are different. Everyone has individual habits and behavioral characteristics. Some bite their nails, others constantly laugh, and others actively gesticulate.

It is important to determine the norm of an individual’s behavior in order to understand how he behaves in a comfortable environment. Thanks to this, you can eliminate the suspicion that he is nervous.

Important! Active gestures, loud laughter and timid speech are often taken by others as signs of self-doubt. In fact, the above may indicate the specifics of human behavior.

Once you have established a person's behavior norm, it will be much easier to understand when she is nervous or angry. Any subsequent changes in her body language will speak volumes.

Life hack No. 2 – observe and compare

As the ancient sages said, the truth is revealed to those who know how to wait and endure. You should not rush to make an in-depth analysis of those around you without being armed with a certain set of knowledge.

Before making a conclusion about a particular person, observe him. Evaluate how he behaves during communication, what secrets he reveals, how competently he speaks, etc.

Advice! If you want to learn how to see through people, we recommend reading the psychological book “Body Language” by Alan Pease.

Do not rush to leave the interlocutor after the end of the conversation. Evaluate his facial expressions at the moment of farewell. If he breathes out a relieved breath, it's suspicious. Also, do not forget to compare him with others. Analyze the process of his communication not only with you, but also with other people.

Learning to understand people

Let's consider different psychological aspects.

Emotions

To characterize a person in detail, it is necessary to determine the expression of his emotions, which of them are dominant and which are absent altogether.

Emotionality and over-emotionality

It is quite easy to communicate with emotional personalities. They themselves will share their positive and negative emotions and experiences: joy, sadness, anger, tenderness, etc.

This behavior irritates and tires many people, because a person does not calm down until he splashes out his emotions on his interlocutor, whose permission no one asks.

You can listen to such people, but not attach too much importance to the words. If the conversation has become tiresome, interrupt them in a polite manner without offending the other person.

Lack of emotions

An unemotional person has virtually no emotions unless he finds himself in an unusual or extreme situation. Everything that is in his soul remains a secret to those around him.

The expression of the feelings of such people occurs not through emotions, but through thoughts. They are distinguished by their developed intelligence and perfectly analyze any situation.

Of course, at first it’s not very comfortable to be around an unemotional person, but you can improve your relationship with him. Start a dialogue first, push for conversation, ask for advice. Don’t demand any expression of emotion; in the future you will appreciate his well-thought-out and reasoned conclusions.

Read more: 10 ways to develop optimism and overcome pessimism

Positive and negative emotions

Of course, a positive-minded person is an excellent conversationalist who shares his mood with everyone around him. Constantly encourage such people, maintain their positivity, then you will spend the whole day in a good mood.

The presence of negative emotions is repulsive. At the same time, you should not avoid the person. Even if he does not share his experiences, help him unobtrusively, show sympathy and ordinary humanity.

Sthenics and asthenics

Sthenics are more susceptible to active emotions: joy, anger, malice, etc. The expression of their emotions contributes to excitement and tension.

Asthenics are characterized by emotions that lead to the suppression of vigorous activity and a decrease in the energy potential of those around them. These include: melancholy, dejection, melancholy.

Usually, communication between a sthenic and an asthenic causes difficulty.

When communicating with Sthenics, you must be prepared for the active manifestation of their emotions and not interfere with this.

Asthenics should also be treated with tolerance and simply adapt to this character trait.

Mood

It is easy to communicate with people who are always in a good mood. It should be noted that they are not inclined to talk about sad and sorrowful things and will not sincerely sympathize if you encounter difficulties in life.

Don’t try to cheer people up and make them smile. This character trait cannot be adjusted; you just need to get used to it.

It is more difficult to communicate with individuals who are subject to constant mood swings. Try to maintain a leading position in the conversation in order to anticipate the interlocutor’s reaction to what was said.

Explosive character

Emotional outbursts can be both positive and negative. In such situations, the person loses control over emotions.

You shouldn’t be afraid of such people, hide, avoid, and, especially, fawn over them. There is no need to argue, especially with your boss, but only defend your opinion with reason.

Stress

A person who finds himself in a stressful situation and is not coping well with his condition should be tried to calm down.

Life hack No. 3 – don’t forget about the context of social relationships

William Shakespeare once said: “All the world is a stage, and the people in it are actors.” Each person, being in society, plays a certain role. Understanding the context of social relationships requires deep psychological analysis.

The first thing you should pay attention to is whether your interlocutor is copying your posture. Remember, we subconsciously “mirror” the people we like. If the person you are talking to turns away, turns his feet toward the exit, or leans his body back, this indicates that he is not interested in you.

Important! If you feel deep sympathy for a person, think about whether this is due to the fact that he is copying your poses and gestures.

Features of the approach to different types of people

So, as we found out, each person has his own psychological aspects. How to understand people with this information? Find an approach to everyone.

People without emotions

As mentioned above, their emotions appear exclusively in critical situations. In other cases, they skillfully hide sympathy, love, and hostility.

An unemotional person sees the world differently than we do. He evaluates it through the prism of thoughts and logical reasoning, rather than emotions. Therefore, when talking with them, ask them to tell about their impressions. Just don't expect colorful arguments. Remember that the answer will consist of dry facts and arguments.

People with a negative attitude

A person filled with negativity is usually embittered. He is dissatisfied with his life and surroundings, and even conflicts with family members.

The ability to understand people in this case will help you not to avoid such individuals, but to sincerely help them cope with stress. Find out what upsets him so much. Do this as tactfully as possible, so as not to pry into your soul without asking. If the interlocutor answers, you managed to find an approach to him.

People with positive and negative emotional background

In most cases they depend on the mood. If it is good, communication goes smoothly. Otherwise you will experience discomfort.

Remember that such individuals are easy to piss off. Any, even the most insignificant little thing can instantly change their mood from good to bad. Therefore, be proactive. What does it mean? Let's say you need to tell a person some bad news. Don't delay, do it right at the beginning of the conversation. If you do this at the end, the interlocutor will be left with a residue from the entire conversation as a whole. And maybe from you too.

People with explosive temperaments

An emotional outburst sometimes leads to extremely unpleasant consequences. Remember how many times people have committed serious crimes in a state of passion. Keeping this fact in mind, show politeness and friendliness when dealing with explosive people, even in cases where it does not bring you any pleasure. If this is your boss, be tactful, efficient and punctual. But don't fawn or flatter. Always have your own opinion.

Life hack No. 4 – pay attention to a person’s appearance

There is a popular expression: “You can’t judge a candy by its wrapper.” This is only partly true. The choice of clothing is an indicator not only of a person’s mood, but also of a person’s intentions.

A few important points:

1. Wearing clothes in muted colors (gray, blue, beige, white-gray) is an indicator of shyness. Probably, a person who prefers such colors is afraid to stand out. He is uninitiative, takes any criticism hard, is vulnerable and impressionable.
2. Bright red, black, light purple business suits are chosen by temperamental and bright people. They always behave politely and tactfully with others. Great listeners.
3. People who prefer to wear comfortable clothes without fear of compromising their style (tracksuit, wide shirt with jeans) are real rebels. They care little about what reaction they produce in society. Stubborn and uncompromising.

Also, when analyzing a person’s clothing, pay attention to its neatness and quality. If your interlocutor looks like a brand new person, this is a good indicator that he is ready for the meeting. Well, if he appeared before you in a wrinkled suit, and even with dirty shoes, then the conclusion suggests itself.

Adaptation skills

Neurosis is a disorder of adaptation. Young children begin to stutter, roll their eyes, and pee when drastic changes have occurred in their lives that they have not been able to adapt to. Adults also have neuroses, they crawl out of their heads in the form of rabid cockroaches and begin to gnaw and trample relationships with others.

You can be friends with such a person, but you must be prepared that unpleasant surprises will become commonplace. Such relationships will distract you more than help you.

The simplest signal of a violation of a person’s adaptation skills may be his (or more often her) inability to quickly change plans: “Well, I was already determined to do this, and now this happened...”.

Do you want a problematic relationship? Let a person with impaired adaptation skills come closer to you. As long as he survives

in your life, you will get the fullest from him.

By the way, a question for men: “Do you know the trick when a girl suddenly changes her plans in order to attract you to her?” She plays the role of a capricious bitch, it infuriates you, but at the same time you are attracted to her. Why? Because this is how she demonstrates her significance in a relationship - one, and high adaptation skills - two, which your subconscious reads as a sign of health.

Life hack No. 5 – assessing facial expressions

A person’s face often reveals emotions; they are difficult to hide. This can be used to "read" people!

The first thing you should pay attention to when contacting a person is his forehead, or rather, the wrinkles on it. People who try to prove to others that they are right often raise their eyebrows, which causes small horizontal wrinkles to form on their face.

Important! People with pronounced horizontal folds on their foreheads have spent their lives trying to be heard.

How to understand that your interlocutor likes you by facial expressions? Very simple. Firstly, small dimples will form on his cheeks from a slight smile. Secondly, the interlocutor's head will be slightly tilted to the side. Well, thirdly, he will periodically nod as a sign of agreement or approval.

But if the interlocutor smiles, but there are no wrinkles on his face, this is a sign of false joy. This “forced smile” may indicate disorientation or stress.

Another important point: if the interlocutor constantly squints while looking into your eyes, he probably does not trust or expresses contempt.

You can understand that a person is experiencing a strong emotion when he is next to you by looking at his pupils. If they are greatly expanded, he is clearly interested in you, and if they are narrowed, on the contrary. Of course, pupil size analysis is not always effective. It is recommended to carry it out in rooms with dim lighting.

Also, when analyzing a person’s eyes, do not forget to pay attention to the movement of his pupils. If they "wander" it indicates that he is feeling uncomfortable.

Note! An interlocutor who avoids direct eye contact with you is most likely lying or does not trust you.

Motivating people

Every human action is driven by certain motives, knowing which you can understand about a person:

1. Wealth. Such people are only interested in material values; they look for profit in everything. Talking about money and earnings is their favorite topic.
2. Public acceptance. For such people, the main thing is to attract attention by any means.
3. Getting pleasure from your activities. The person is not interested in money, but is busy only with his own business, which he is very passionate about. Such people often achieve success in their field and easily make contact.
4. Feelings of envy. In front of envious people, it is better not to brag or discuss other people. Try to praise them more and talk about their successes.
5. Fear and shame. People who are constantly afraid of disgrace or other situations, as a rule, are not of interest to others. They will constantly be in their experiences.
6. Laziness. Lazy people strive for stability and try to waste their energy as little as possible. Their choice is friends who do not need help. Such a person may be pleasant to talk to, but you should not count on him in difficult times.
7. Be different from those around you. Such people usually communicate with original and non-standard personalities, like themselves. You can make friends with them by talking about something interesting, trendy, or unusual.
8. Self-development. Communication with people who are engaged in self-development is not difficult. They are ready to listen to their interlocutor and share their accumulated knowledge. At the same time, they will stop making contact if you become uninteresting.

All of the listed personality characteristics are basic, but far from exhaustive. To better understand other people, you need to study psychology in more detail.

Read more: 20 tips on how to develop grit and strength of character

Check out the book by Doctor of Psychological Sciences A.P. Egides. “How to understand people”, where you can study the psychological classification of personality.

Also, there are TV series that will teach you to better understand people. The most famous of them: “Gravity”, “Patients”, “Necessary Cruelty”, “Consciousness”.

Life hack No. 6 – analyzing a person’s behavior in a group

Humans are social creatures and tend to form groups. When in a group, they usually communicate with those they sympathize with. People say: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.” A very wise expression that can be used for "social reading".

Pay attention to the peculiarities of the interaction of the person you are interested in with other people.

Important points:

1. People who talk constantly and boast are self-centered and touchy.
2. Individuals who speak quietly, do not stand out from the group, are shy and self-critical. Such people are often hardworking and attentive to detail.
3. People with a trembling voice are very excited.

How to communicate with toxic people

There is a certain category of negative personalities with whom you need to be as careful as possible:

1. “Energy vampires”, after communicating with whom a person feels broken and empty. Try to promptly identify such people in your environment and not succumb to manipulation.
2. Parasites who try to use others for their own selfish purposes. You can communicate with them, but you should not help, because there is no gratitude or payment for their work.
3. People with an unbalanced psyche. Constant disruptions that no one expects should raise alarm bells. Talk to the person about his behavior. If such conversations do not lead to the desired results, only a doctor can help.
4. Aggressive personalities. It is better to stay away from such people, because they are prone to fights and physical violence.
5. Manipulators. It is better to immediately tell the manipulator that you know about his character trait or try not to succumb to manipulation.
6. Immoral individuals for whom there are no social and legal norms. Try to minimize communication with them.
7. Weak personalities are characterized by shyness, touchiness, vulnerability, timidity, and anxiety. You should not indulge their weaknesses, so as not to become a “wish granter.” You need to compensate for your refusals by helping a person solve his problems independently.
8. Egoists love only their own person. You can communicate with them in two ways: tell the truth or constantly flatter.

Read more: How to change your character for the better

The main thing is to know that there are people in your environment who pose a certain danger. Then it becomes possible to minimize their negative impact.

Life hack No. 7 – analyze speech

The founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, argued that a person speaks about what he thinks about subconsciously. In other words, we often utter words and expressions that describe our true desires or experiences, albeit suppressed ones. Use this valuable information when analyzing your interlocutor's speech.

Examples of how words convey a person’s true thoughts:

1. “They pay me 25 thousand rubles” - a person is inclined to rely on circumstances. He does not consider himself an important link in the chain of events. Driven by nature.
2. “I earn 25 thousand rubles” - always bears responsibility for his words and actions. I am convinced that each person is responsible for his own happiness.
3. “My salary is 25 thousand rubles” - a consistent, down-to-earth person. Never crosses the line, very logical and pragmatic.

Do you think it is possible for a person to hide their true feelings, intentions and who they are? Share your opinion in the comments.