How to become a person worthy of respect and love - advice from a psychologist

There comes a time in life when you feel ready to move to the next level and begin to look for suitable ways to develop your personality. You feel that the lessons of the past have served you well, they have made you stronger and wiser.

And even if things are going well in life, you still want to take the next step. Whether it's a career or your personal growth, eventually you would like to move beyond your current limitations.

So, let's assume that you have decided to move to the next level of development, one question remains: how to do it?

In this article, we will offer you eight amazing strategies to help you take a step forward and look at the conditions and ways of personal development.

But first, let's figure out why we need to develop, set goals and achieve them?

Personality in psychology

Let's first understand what it means to be a person in order to avoid confusion on this issue. In the classical sense, personality is a set of properties and characteristics of a person that are acquired by him in the process of living in society and active interaction with other people.

The key word in this concept is “society”. In order to become a person, we just need to be born, but in order to become a person, a little person needs to integrate into the social environment.

In this regard, the question arises: does every person become an individual? The answer is no, not everyone. If a person spent the first years of his life isolated from people, he will no longer be able to become a full-fledged member of society.

Brain structures responsible for higher mental functions, such as speech, thinking, memory, attention, are formed in the first five years of life. This happens by transforming external processes into internal ones. The child hears the speech of adults, begins to copy it, then transfers the speech inside - this is how thinking is formed.

If there is no example to follow, these functions will have nowhere to come from.

A striking example of people without personality are the so-called Mowgli children. These are children who, for some reason, after birth, ended up in a wild environment and were raised by animals. Even when they got to people, these children continued to behave like animals and were never able to socialize.

So if you are able to read these lines, you don’t have to worry - you already have a personality, like 99% of the Earth’s population. What kind of meaning then do people put into the expression “become a person”? You've probably heard it more than once.

The process of becoming a person is touched upon both in philosophy and in fiction. What is meant by it is not so much the formation of higher mental functions, but rather the acquisition by an individual of properties that provide him with a high place in the social hierarchy.

In order for this expression to correspond to its generally accepted meaning, the word “strong” must be added to it. Becoming a strong personality is what people who already have a personality strive for, but they don’t know it. This is what you and I will work on. I will tell you how to strengthen, enhance your personality and make it competitive.

Before moving on to the next block of the article, let me recommend to you one very good project that I found on the Internet six months ago and since then I have been constantly using for personal growth. The name of the project is Wikium. All Wikium materials are aimed at human self-development.

There is a lot of different things on the site, I recommend that you pay attention to three things. The first is exercise equipment. They help develop thinking, imagination, attentiveness, memory and other qualities. The cool thing about the simulators is that they are available to everyone immediately after registration. You don't need to pay money to practice.

The second is webinars. There are few of them yet, this direction is just beginning to develop, but gradually, I think, there will be more and more. Webinars can also be watched for free.

The third is courses. They are already paid, however, the cost is very low - in the range of 1000-3000 rubles for training.

I encourage you to check out the site and subscribe to its updates so you don't miss anything. At the end of the article, I will recommend some of the best courses specifically for those who want to become a more developed person.

Effective steps

When thinking about how to develop yourself as a person, it is necessary to note that you need to take any actions purposefully, in accordance with your internal aspirations. You should not rush and act at random. Only meaningful steps will lead to the goal and allow you to feel like a harmonious person. It is important to learn to take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Advice from psychologists on how to gain self-confidence will be useful to those who are desperate to find a way out of a difficult situation.

What makes a person strong

A strong personality is distinguished from a weak one by the correct settings. Imagine that your personality is a complex electronic device. No matter how useful the functions it has, they will not work properly without the correct settings.

The main personality settings are self-esteem, locus of control and boundaries. Each of them needs serious work.

Adequate self-esteem

Self-esteem is the core of personality. This is a working tool that helps us build harmonious relationships with the world around us and achieve our goals. It is responsible for shaping a person’s self-image.

Good self-esteem is adequate and stable. It generally coincides with the assessment of other people and at the same time reflects differences in perception depending on the context of the situation. For example, for a person who loves you, you are almost a god, but for a stranger, you are an empty place. Self-esteem takes these differences into account and allows you to build the right course of action.

A person with inadequate self-esteem, especially inflated self-esteem, is immediately visible. His whole behavior looks ridiculous. He talks down to those who don’t think anything of him, allows himself too much, tries to command without having any real authority. It is clear that the effectiveness of such communication tends to zero.

Sometimes a person with high self-esteem has glimpses of sober reflection, and he sees the real picture. These glimpses are accompanied by severe stress, and he strives to push his crown back and feed his self-esteem with at least something.

It is not surprising that almost all people who have high self-esteem consider it low. They complain that they cannot love themselves and impose their strong and beautiful image on other people.

Low self-esteem looks completely different. A person is afraid to take a step himself - anxiety and self-doubt haunt him everywhere. He does not feel worthy of respect and love, and because of this he does not get out of frustration. All his abilities and talents remain unrealized.

In order not to fall into these two extremes, you need to develop a healthy, stable and independent self-esteem. Our tips will help you with this.

  • React calmly to criticism and praise

If you fall into euphoria from every compliment said to you, and faint from criticism, your self-esteem is very dependent. Start gradually getting off the needle of other people's approval, do not feed your self-esteem with other people's praise and praises.

You should feel a boost in self-esteem only from real results and achievements. Then you won’t have any sharp downturns. Self-esteem will come to a stable and even state, and you will gain moral stability.

  • Set realistic goals

Your life goals should be achievable. By raising the bar of aspirations, you risk getting bogged down in failures and failures, and for self-esteem this is like death. If small goals don't motivate you, think of them as steps towards bigger ones.

  • Dream less

The habit of constantly having your head in the clouds can be not only harmful, but also dangerous. It disrupts all personality settings and causes disadaptation. The fact is that our brain does not distinguish fictional pictures from real ones. Everyone knows the classic trick with an imaginary lemon.

The ability to abstract from reality and imagine a future result allows us to get energy on credit to achieve a goal. If this mechanism is used to obtain free pleasure and relieve stress, dissociation occurs in the brain, which can subsequently lead to a split personality.

Get rid of the habit of building castles in the air. Try to think as little as possible into the future - concentrate on the current moment.

  • Engage in self-development

To increase self-esteem, it is not necessary to achieve some extraordinary results. It's enough to become a little better every day. Work on yourself, improve in all areas - and your self-esteem will grow and strengthen.

  • Stop comparing yourself to others

It makes no sense to compare yourself with someone - all people develop in different conditions and have an individual set of characteristics. You can only compare yourself today with yourself yesterday.

Internal locus of control

Locus of control is the place in space where you direct your request to solve your personal problem. If you are used to relying on yourself and your resources, then your locus of control is internal. If you think that everyone around you owes you, and you are looking for someone to cuddle with, your locus of control is external.

The position of the locus of control largely determines a person’s success and effectiveness in life. The external locus greatly inhibits the development of personality. While you are looking for a good wizard who will make your dreams come true, and a scapegoat on whom you can blame all your troubles, your energy is flowing into nowhere, and your own resources are degrading.

Unfortunately, the external locus is much more common in women than in men. From childhood, men get used to leaning on themselves and do not look for a neck to perch on. Therefore, they are generally more self-sufficient and independent.

The following tips will help you direct your locus of control inward.

  • Don't chase freebies

Whatever you get without making the slightest effort cannot be fully considered yours. Imagine two people - one won a million rubles in the lottery, and the other earned it through his own labor. Who do you think will be able to manage money more effectively?

As practice shows, the lucky ones, upon whom wealth suddenly falls, very quickly squander everything. And people who have made a fortune with sweat and blood increase it every year. These people already have a positive experience of making money - even in the event of bankruptcy, they will be able to go through this path again.

Everything that a person receives for free prevents his internal resources from developing. Children of rich parents often fall into this trap. When you have millions at your disposal, it is very difficult to start the career of a young specialist with a salary of 20 thousand rubles per month. Therefore, many of them do not worry about their future career at all and lead a frivolous lifestyle.

When you receive something for nothing, treat it as an advance that you still have to work off. Set your goal not to get wealth at any cost, but to learn how to earn it yourself.

  • Become self-reliant

Moral, psychological and material independence is the key to a strong, healthy and integral personality. Only when a person becomes independent does he have a chance to build a successful and happy life. Start doing for yourself what you previously delegated to others. And finally get out from under the care of your parents. From people whom everyone helps, it’s time to turn into those who help themselves.

If the process of transitioning to an independent life causes you difficulties, read our article “How to become independent.”

  • Take responsibility for your life

Stop looking for someone to blame for your failures. While you, for example, sit on political forums and scold the government for your troubles, life passes you by, and you are deprived of the opportunity to get out of this troubles.

Good Boundaries

Personal boundaries are the perception of one’s “I” as separate from the rest of the world. The topic of boundaries in psychology is actively discussed today, but for many people it remains a blind spot. And all because man is a product of social relations, and for millions of years his individual self-awareness has been part of the collective consciousness.

Our ancestors were accustomed to perceiving themselves as part of something larger - a community, clan, tribe, and people from their immediate environment as literally a continuation of themselves. Such close unity ensured better survival, and therefore was consolidated by evolution.

The communal system is a thing of the distant past, and its echoes still reach us from the depths of the subconscious. People continue to project their thoughts and feelings onto others, often live in merging with their loved ones and do not want to accept the fact of their existential loneliness.

Understanding one’s separateness, both physically and psychologically, spiritually, today provides a serious evolutionary advantage. By learning to see your boundaries, you will be able to spend energy effectively, build harmonious relationships with people, gain resilience and get rid of fears and phobias.

  • Outline your territory

To understand where the borders lie, you need to separate your territory from someone else’s. Your territory is where you are the rightful owner and have all the controls. For example, your body is your territory, you control it alone. Your property, which is documented to you, is also located within your borders. If someone encroaches on it, the law will protect you.

It is much more difficult to determine where your psychological territory ends. I will give you theses that will bring you closer to understanding this important issue.

  1. The thoughts, feelings, and actions of other people are outside your boundaries; it is useless to try to influence them directly.
  2. Plans and goals that involve the will of others are also outside your boundaries. You can plan a vacation with your loved one as much as you want, but if he doesn’t want to go, you will be left with nothing.
  3. Your territory in relationships with other people is determined by your value and significance to them. For example, for your parents you will always be a dear and beloved person, so you can afford a lot: come to the house without an invitation, ask for money, pour out your problems.
  4. Studying, self-development, working on your own resources are within your borders. Moreover, this allows you to gradually increase your territory, so the main forces should be directed there.

To better understand the topic of boundaries, watch the video.

  • Learn to keep your attention within your boundaries

Mental energy, which we feel as an urge to action, motivation, vitality - all this is controlled by our attention. By directing it beyond the boundaries, we drain energy into the void. You can, for example, be angry and complain about the weather as much as you like, but it will not change.

Attention needs to be directed to where you can do something yourself and get results. For example, you are tired of living in a mess, you gathered your strength and did some spring cleaning. It seems that you have wasted energy because you feel tired and lacking in strength.

In fact, the brain, having received a positive result and assessing your activity as successful, will release more energy to you next time. This is how energy is accumulated and personality is upgraded. A strong personality is a person with a high supply of energy.

By the way, having learned to effectively manage their attention, people get rid of many phobias. They stop feeding their fears, and they disappear by themselves.

Setting a goal

Before you make any attempts to understand your own essence, you need to understand where you want to go. Setting a goal is important. You must clearly understand what is important and meaningful to you. If you have a specific task in front of you, it becomes easier to achieve the desired result. Anyone who knows how to set a goal, as a rule, does not suffer from unfulfilled intentions. Remember that the Universe always strives to give you exactly what you truly want.

It is only important to believe in your dream, to achieve with all your might what your heart desires. And when we have no idea what will make us happy, we can stagnate in one place for years, but never get off the ground. Personal growth always involves a thorny path, which in any case becomes not so easy.

Forming your opinion

How often do we see people who are forced to adapt to the opinion of the majority! They cannot allow themselves to be themselves, because they are constantly afraid of the judgment of others. In this case, one can only feel sorry for the person, because he still does not dare to be himself, to defend individual interests. If you want to know how to develop yourself as a person, you need to be prepared to do a little work. Learn to defend your own opinion and express your individual position as clearly as possible. Without a doubt, this skill will come in handy when you have to defend your interests. There is nothing wrong with holding your own point of view and being able to defend it. Forming your opinion, as a rule, occurs gradually. It is impossible in one day to change your position so much that you stop thinking about what is happening.

Les Hewitt, A Life of Purpose: Key Skills to Achieve Your Goals

Anyone who wants to become a happy person should read this text. In most cases, people live their lives aimlessly, sometimes without thinking about why certain things happen to them. The author helps us understand what a great responsibility is placed on our shoulders. Not everyone has the readiness to seriously engage in their own lives. Some people are very willing to shift their responsibility onto the shoulders of others. You can't do that. Les Hewitt shows how important it is to remain an integral person and to be able to appreciate your own individuality.

Constant communication

Locking yourself in does not lead to anything good. This is a long-known truth, which is actually difficult to disagree with. If we focus too much on our problems, they increase in size. It seems that any attempts will inevitably end in failure and therefore there is no point in even trying to fix anything. Loneliness inevitably aggravates existing difficulties in relationships and does not allow us to understand what is really happening. Only constant communication can release a large supply of positive energy, which is so necessary to begin qualitative changes in life. By interacting with the people around us, we inevitably develop, enrich our inner world, make it brighter and more beautiful. Don't shy away from interesting interactions with others. Communication in most cases is beneficial and helps to understand ourselves.

Dan Waldschmidt, “Be the best version of yourself. How ordinary people become extraordinary"

A must-read book for those who strive for high achievement. It is not surprising to have doubts before taking action. After all, they require enormous dedication from us, acceptance of responsibility, and the ability to trust our own choices. Valuing yourself means striving to reveal your existing abilities, and not to hush them up. Being the best version of yourself should be understood as the ability to constructively use all opportunities for your self-development. After reading this book, you will understand which path you should take to achieve the desired result.

Brian Tracy, "Get Out of Your Comfort Zone"

When thinking about how to develop yourself as a person, you must be prepared to do something new for yourself. This is a necessary condition for self-development, which many often conveniently forget about. For obvious reasons, you will experience significant discomfort, even fear. Starting to do something is always strange, sometimes dangerous.

You need to understand that this is a completely normal condition. To overcome your own doubts, you will have to persistently pursue your goal, without fear of looking somehow abnormal. Leaving your comfort zone is a purposeful overcoming of emerging difficulties, no matter how terrible they may seem at first.

Books for motivation

Personal growth is impossible without accepting and assimilating new useful information. We only begin to change when we know which direction we should move. And most creative thoughts can be found in special books on self-improvement and personal growth. It is worth noting that you need to read them regularly, and not from time to time. These texts are useful because they encourage you to start taking care of yourself, to change your own idea of ​​the world for the better. The following books are definitely worthy of your attention.

Completion of trainings

Today, there is no shortage of such effective programs. You can choose to your taste, even combine many different trainings. Useful skills must be trained, because they will not appear by themselves. Only in this case the result obtained will truly please you. Completing special training helps you begin to appreciate your personality. As they say, respect yourself, respect others. In this case, the individual takes a big step forward and reveals his inner essence. There is nothing shameful or unacceptable in working with your problems and trying to solve them in every possible way. The situation is much worse when an individual withdraws into himself and does not want to take responsibility for what is happening. Self-improvement always involves quite intense internal work.

Ability to cope with problems

Unfortunately, in life we ​​are faced with not only joys, but also sorrows, disappointments, and various anxieties. There is no escape from this, just as you cannot completely isolate yourself from life. Sometimes it seems that trials lurk literally at every step. The ability to cope with problems means that at the right time you need to not get confused and take a bold step that will make you feel strong and self-sufficient. If you are thinking about how to develop a strong personality, it is definitely worth starting with learning not to be afraid of the difficulties that arise.

The fact is that any failures only strengthen us, while victories alone relax us and force us to build certain expectations. Try different methods, make mistakes and learn again, but don’t be idle! Remember that the power of personality is revealed gradually. You just need to have a conscious desire to try to change something in your life.

Soul and body must go together

We have a developed stereotype that there are two extreme points - a frail and helpless nerd, and a jock athlete who does not know the multiplication table. This is fundamentally wrong. No, of course there are some that confirm stereotypes. But still, I am sure that every normal person should maintain a balance in this regard. I must say, I didn’t come to this right away. Previously, I also thought that physical work was harmful for knowledge workers. But it turned out to be the opposite. Several years ago I felt a serious advantage and any, even fairly simple physical efforts were difficult. On the other hand, I often had a headache in the evenings, and when I woke up in the morning, after sleeping for 8-10 hours, I got up already tired. This is precisely due to the lack of physical activity. Besides, let's face it. We don’t do exercises not because of high moral principles, but 99% of the time because of simple laziness, justifying ourselves with some nonsense: oh, the weather is bad, I won’t go to training; oh, I went to bed late yesterday, I won’t do exercises today; oh, I'm late... By justifying ourselves, we undermine our spirit and self-discipline. So, if you're a super nerd, it's time to start running in the morning. At the same time, you can listen to an audiobook if you are worried about wasted time.


One of the most amazing phenomena can be considered human psychology. How to develop your personality without giving up on long-awaited intentions? Self-knowledge is a very important and effective component. Only by knowing yourself can you become truly happy. By delving into the origins of one’s own experiences, a person often comprehends a truth that is impossible to know in any other way. In most cases, self-knowledge helps to more easily adapt to any conflict situation and outline ways out of the crisis. If people were more eager to understand their own essence, there would be fewer broken destinies and unhappy lives. It is effective to begin self-knowledge by checking your own desires. Learn to look at your own world from different angles. If you are thinking about how a person can become an individual, there is some benefit to this.


Self-esteem certainly plays a big role in a person’s self-knowledge. This is the only way we open up to ourselves and the world around us. The feeling of self-sufficiency incredibly protects a person from all sorts of adversity and constant disappointments. There is a feeling of emotional “armor” that cannot be penetrated by anything. When you feel self-sufficient, you begin to truly understand your worth. And in this case, be sure that you will not allow anyone to offend you.

Self-esteem increases dramatically, self-confidence strengthens. It is then that all those amazing discoveries with which this world is so rich occur. Having learned to fully accept his own essence, a person independently resolves intrapersonal conflict. Admittedly, this takes a lot of effort and always indicates a strong will. There is no greater achievement in life than gaining a sense of self-sufficiency. It is hardly possible for anyone to confuse such a person or lead him down the wrong road. It becomes difficult to even offend him, because the individual knows his own worth.

What you can do for self-development: skills

  1. Meditation. This is the practice of contemplation, which occurs through concentration of attention on a specific subject. It is a fairly simple and at the same time difficult skill for many individuals. But it is not the action that is of interest, but its result: the person becomes calmer, the degree of awareness increases, and a deep knowledge of oneself and the events taking place around occurs.
  2. Time management. This is about organizing time and increasing productivity. It's easy to waste your day if you don't have a clear plan on how to effectively complete your tasks. The process will help improve punctuality and professionalism.
  3. Clothing style. Good taste in appearance ensures that the first impression when meeting people will be excellent. This is necessary to find a partner for a love relationship, meetings with a future employer or clients.
  4. Optimism. Positive thoughts and a view of reality are a huge source of internal energy. This is where you need to start, but how to educate yourself is a secondary question.
  5. Healthy eating. Eating healthy food will improve your well-being and give you strength. There is no need to go on a strict diet. Just include vegetables and fruits in your diet and try to eat less junk food.
  6. Reading books. Literature is a storehouse of knowledge that you can absorb if you devote enough time to the lesson.
  7. Ignoring toxic people. We are strongly influenced by our environment. Wherever we are, there will always be negative people who generously share their negativity. This makes you give up, so try to limit communication with such acquaintances.

Meditation practice

Today it is gaining great popularity even among ordinary people who have never been interested in esotericism before. This is because many people want to make their lives as meaningful as possible and make independent decisions. People are gradually thinking about the need for personal growth, they want to be as useful as possible, and fully realize their potential. Resorting to spiritual practice for this becomes very effective.

Meditation should be done regularly, only then will it be beneficial. As a result of systematic breathing exercises, physical health is strengthened, emotional balance is restored, and self-confidence grows. There are many meditation practices. Each person can choose the one he likes best. It is only important to practice regularly to train the skill of self-knowledge.

Positive thinking

A very important point that, unfortunately, is often forgotten. Being able to think constructively is very important for personal growth. Self-improvement begins with conscious reflection. Positive thinking can release a large amount of creative energy, so necessary for individual self-realization. When we look at any events from a positive point of view, we learn to notice the beauty that fills every moment of life. In most cases, it will take a lot of time before an individual learns to see something good in everything that surrounds him. But an already formed skill can bring a lot of pleasant impressions.

Unlocking abilities

Self-improvement is a long process, sometimes seeming difficult and endless. Everyone has certain talents, but not everyone takes it upon themselves to recognize them. To do this, you need to give up the habit of pleasing others and take responsibility for the final result. It is very difficult to stop being afraid of ridicule and condemnation when something doesn’t work out. Only the most responsible decide to continue the path to themselves and agree to slowly overcome difficulties. By deliberately unleashing your abilities, you can achieve amazing results. Our talents certainly need attention and development. You need to not just recognize your existing abilities, but actually spend time on effective self-realization. The more effort you make, the better. We can only act consciously when we know our strengths.


A successful person always knows how to keep himself under control. He will not allow himself to lash out at others over trifles and ruin the mood of everyone around him. If you decide to engage in personal growth, then you should start forming such a useful habit. In fact, it never hurts to be polite. Developed politeness helps you concentrate on the task at hand and not be distracted by extraneous stimuli. In addition, it is much more comfortable to communicate with friends in a friendly atmosphere. If you are also thinking about how to start developing yourself as a person, you must first learn how to treat others correctly. This is not always easy to do, but you have to try. People are usually drawn to those who have a positive attitude, know how to make the right impression, and do not forget to give a pleasant speech. Growing above yourself means reconsidering your attitude towards life in time, finding something pleasant for yourself.

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