Material independence
Material independence begins with fully meeting your needs using only your own finances. You can become independent only when you have enough money. Therefore, first you need to find a job so as not to depend financially on your parents or other relatives.
When you are employed and understand that your salary is enough for everything you need and even more, you need to get your own home. If you don’t have enough money for a separate apartment, then renting a home is suitable for you. This could be a house, apartment or room. In this case, you need to decide this taking into account your income. It is worth remembering that the path to an independent and independent life is very difficult and not everyone can complete it. After all, not everyone can immediately find a well-paid job that will satisfy and please them. You may first have to take a temporary position in order to have at least some income. You need to be prepared for the fact that at first there will not be enough money for everything you need. Therefore, you will have to save money. Often parents, worried about their child, offer help. There is no need to give it up, especially at first you will need it.
However, you should not abuse the financial assistance of your parents. You can only take a small amount if you see that your money is not enough for the essentials.
Formation of independence in a child 1-5 years old - characteristics of age and tasks of parents
In the development of such personality traits as independence, the 2nd and 3rd years of life are among the most important. Right now, the phrase “I myself!” should appear on the child’s list of favorites.
Don't bother him. There is no need to panic or be nervous either.
Just give the child the opportunity to develop and mature, and be there to protect the child from possible risks during his first independent activities.
- Broke a plate while carrying it to the sink? No problem, buy a new one. Did you wet the windowsill while watering the flowers? Give him a rag and let him learn to clean up the water. Want to wash your scarf yourself? Let him wash it, then (quietly, of course, so as not to hurt your child’s pride) wash it again.
- Any initiative at this age is commendable. Encourage her and praise your child.
- Allow your child more time to get ready, dress, put away toys and other activities. Don't rush him or make him nervous. A child cannot perform certain actions with the same speed and dexterity as you - he is just learning.
- Be patient. In the coming years, you will follow your little one and clean up (in every sense) the consequences of his initiative. But without initiative there is no development of independence, so humble yourself and help the child.
- Be a personal example for your child in everything - in personal hygiene, in maintaining order in the house, in politeness and decency.
How to plan finances?
To learn how to overcome financial difficulties, you need to properly distribute your income. When you receive money, immediately set aside the required amount for rent and utility bills. If you need to buy some clothes or shoes, set aside extra money. Then distribute the remaining funds for groceries until your next paycheck. You need to learn to purchase only the necessary things, save and be able to distribute your income. Only those who have gone through it know how to become independent, and almost anyone can say that it is not so easy and takes time.
Why are we dependent?
There are several reasons for lack of independence. The first of them is education. Very often it is parents who limit our choices, citing the fact that they themselves can take care of their children. But such excessive care does not allow the little person to make his own choice in life, which is why his own self suffers.
The second is personality traits. A person himself may be shy and timid due to his weak nervous system. Behavior is also directly influenced by temperament, which divides people into decisive and indecisive.
And the third thing that defines a person as dependent is the attractiveness of the very position of dependent behavior, when it is more convenient for him to remain on the sidelines than to make an important decision.
How to become self-sufficient
Being self-sufficient means not only having financial independence, but also not being dependent on society as a whole. How to become independent is clear to many, but to become self-sufficient, you also need to make some efforts. First, you need to eliminate any financial dependence, and then emotional dependence. Try to make sure that you do not have debts to anyone, pay them off if you have any. Learn to solve money problems without borrowing even small amounts from anyone. After all, debt in itself means that you are dependent on someone and you have an obligation to this person. It is also necessary to always trust only your own opinion and not take into account what others say about you.
When a person is independent of other people’s opinions, it is easier to decide what he really needs and what he wants. You should not be afraid of loneliness, since self-sufficiency does not imply that you should become an outcast in society and not communicate with anyone. You need to be in harmony with yourself, then it will be easier for you to solve important issues, since you will have time to think about them. You also need to take into account that if you decide to become a more independent person, then now in any life situations you will have to trust your own feelings.
Raising an independent child 8-12 years old - overcoming crises
Now your child has become almost a teenager.
12 years is the line beyond which strong crushes begin (more serious than in kindergarten and first grade), the first hysterics, absenteeism from school, and even, perhaps, attempts to run away from home, because “parents don’t understand and are tired of it.” .
Don't pester the child. Let him grow up in peace.
Remember yourself as a teenager - and give your child a breath of freedom.
- You need to remain sensitive and loyal to the child’s new behavior, to growing up, to himself . But this does not mean that the child should be freed from chores and responsibilities. Understanding your responsibilities and responsibility is independence.
- Adjust your requirements system. The teenager does not want to go to bed at 8-9 pm. And if the word “cleaning” makes your child shake, find other responsibilities for him. Compromise is your lifesaver.
- Are there threes in the diary? Be patient - and don’t even think about drawing contour maps and drawings for competitions for your child at night, or writing essays - let him do everything himself.
- Be correct : the words thrown at you now will be remembered for the rest of your life. Calmness is your salvation. Meditate, count to a hundred, throw darts at the wall, but the child should see in you only the support, love and calmness of a Tibetan monk.
- Give more assignments and tasks in which the child can prove himself.
- Place your child in a section, send him to Artek for the summer , teach him to use a credit card and cash.
- Start learning to let your child go from you. Slowly leave him alone for a while. Travel on business more often. Learn to go to the cinema or cafe without your child. A few more years, and the child himself will begin to run away from you due to age and his own interests. To avoid excruciating pain and shame for yourself later, start gradually letting go now. Just don’t get carried away too much - the child has not moved away from you yet, and still needs attention, affection and a goodnight kiss.
How self-sufficiency affects life
Independence does not at all oblige you to be lonely and detached from society. Just like most people, you must have relatives, friends and family. You need to understand that independence only implies that now you will not need anyone’s financial help, the advice of others, and you will be able to make decisions on important issues yourself. Don't show your independence around your friends. There is no need to brag about this. After all, your independence is not an achievement to be proud of. You are changing your lifestyle for yourself, and not so that you have something to brag about to others. Even if you can now provide for yourself financially, do not forget that your parents also have a direct connection to this. Do not develop selfishness in yourself, remember about your relatives and help them.
Qualities of an independent person
Everyone dreams of being independent, but few people understand what it is. Some believe that this is the right to do what you want and not obey anyone, and this is true, but they forget that at the same time they will have to bear responsibility for their choices, decisions and actions. An independent person provides himself with everything he needs on his own and only rarely asks for help, knowing that someday his support will be needed.
You have to pay a price for freedom of choice, which should not be forgotten by those who are tired of obeying their parents or their significant other in everything. If you make your own decisions, then there will be no one to blame for the result. The one who realizes all the consequences of the choice made will be able to become independent, no matter how difficult it may be, but the one who decided to try, but did not think through the consequences, is doomed to collapse.
It is impossible to change if subconsciously you are absolutely not ready for this and do not want to become an adult who someday will definitely make a mistake and will be forced to bear responsibility, often also experiencing a feeling of guilt.
Before you take the first step, remember that in order for everything to work out, you don’t have to blame yourself for not being as successful and independent as others. Everyone has his own path. Some parents did not pay attention to her at all, and she was forced to become independent in order to survive, while others were crushed by attention. This is influenced by both temperament and the nervous system, for some it is strong and strong, and the person himself is active and courageous, while others still need to work on themselves to get rid of fears and doubts.
Often, lack of independence is also due to the fact that it is much more convenient and easier for people to survive. They feel good when everything is decided for them, explaining what and how to do. True, this position is too precarious, since such a dependent person simply will not survive in a difficult life situation. For him, any problem will become insurmountable. You need to remember this when you have children growing up. They cannot be surrounded by total control and care, otherwise they are doomed to grow up as insecure and completely dependent people who are frightened by the slightest deviation from their life plan. Life is too unpredictable to hope that everything will be exactly as planned, and that there will always be people with you who will come to your aid in any situation. Sooner or later it may happen that help will not come from outside, and you will only have to help yourself.
Photo: how to become independent
Try to understand what contributed to the fact that you did not grow up as independent as you would like. If the problem is with your parents, then stop consulting them with or without reason. From now on, make any decisions yourself. It doesn't matter whether you are confident in the result or not. Come what may. Study the available information on the Internet, but don’t delay too much, and do it. Otherwise, you will continue to hope that your parents will tell you the answer, and wandering around the Internet for too long in search of the right answer will make any changes pointless.
Start changing in small ways. Don't strive for big things right away. The habit of being independent is important in any business. When you go shopping, don’t take your friends with you, don’t ask the sellers, buy it yourself. And when you return home, don’t rush to your friends or spouse for approval. You should like the thing, period. There is no need to report or show anything to anyone. Don't expect comments from others. You like it... You are satisfied. That's how it should be.
Buy groceries and household items in the same way. The only exception may be the purchase of an expensive item, since without consultation it is easy to offend your loved one. He will decide that you don't care about his opinion. But when he buys on his own without asking your opinion, tell him that you would now like him to consult with you. Don't blame him for inattention, he's just used to the fact that you don't participate in serious decisions, but rely on him. Explain that now you want to learn to be independent and you will need his help.
Consider getting a pet. In shelters for homeless animals, unhappy dogs and cats are always waiting for their owners. And there are no less of them on the street. Taking care of our little brothers, walking with them, feeding them, paying attention to their health, their needs, especially since they themselves cannot voice them, will teach them to make decisions independently, and quickly. Nothing builds self-confidence and self-confidence more than taking responsibility for others and helping them in a timely manner.
But if you’re not sure you can handle it, it’s better to just come to local animal shelters for a walk and feed the animals, help with fundraising and sterilization. Helping those in need has a beneficial effect on our self-esteem and gives us confidence in our abilities and in the correctness of the decisions we have made. When a person is confident in himself, he very quickly learns to be independent.
Don't protect yourself from others!
Many people, having achieved any success, forget about their friends or stop communicating with them. But it's not right.
Instead of protecting yourself from the company of people who have not yet achieved any results, give them advice from personal experience on how to become independent. Many men and women who have become quite independent have problems with personal relationships. After all, they begin to look for mates just like them.
Unfortunately, these people don’t come across very often. It will be very difficult for two independent and self-sufficient individuals to live together and have a relationship. Because in a family, someone has to take care of the other. And when making any decision, someone will have to give in, which is unusual for an independent person.
Most people strive for independence, but do not know how to become independent without a high-paying position. However, everything lies not only in material support, but also depends on the character of the person. Some are brought up in such an environment that they do not even have the thought of independence. They are ready to live at the expense of others all the time. First they depend on their parents, then on their husband or wife, and then they shift everything to their children. Sometimes excessive care leads to the fact that a person is not able to independently succeed in life and is constantly waiting for help from others.
Providing freedom of action
First of all, you need to make sure that the child has the opportunity to be independent. This should be expressed as:
- permission to choose clothes, books, toys, films, etc.;
- independent planning of free time without imposing activities that are uninteresting to the child, but preferable for an adult;
- the presence of permanent assigned duties (taking out the trash, cleaning your room, etc.);
- freedom to choose a course of action, for example, to go to school by tram rather than by bus; wash the plates first and then the mugs;
- the ability to organize personal space at will (things in the child’s room are arranged the way he likes; soft toys are sitting on the bed; posters are hanging on the walls, etc.);
- managing pocket money.
That is, control on the part of parents should be reasonable and leave children freedom of action.
If you want to be self sufficient...
Some people say: “We will help everyone become independent.” But I would like to say that any person can become like this, the main thing is to have the desire. What is needed for independence and self-sufficiency?
- Find a job to have financial independence.
- Choose the appropriate option for independent living (purchasing your own home, renting an apartment or room).
- Get rid of dependence on others, have your own opinion.
- Learn to solve your problems yourself without resorting to the help of others.
- Rely completely on your own strength.
