How to become decisive, courageous and self-confident: advice from a psychologist

We all feel from time to time that the decision-making process is difficult for us. Sometimes we begin to delay making a decision, and sometimes we let everything take its course. Today we will talk about how to avoid this and learn to make meaningful and correct decisions.

I hate making decisions. I always envy those who can say something like this: “I felt like this house was just made for us” or “This was a sign for me to do just that.” It's easy for them.

They don't spend sleepless nights thinking about all the pros and cons, and don't try to find any new details that will help them make a decision. This can be seen as a certain gift: they seem to initially know which decision will be correct.

I want the same.

I have never woken up feeling like I knew which path in life I should take. And in my life there have never been mysterious signs and insights that would show me the right life strategy.

Like most people, I have to make decisions on my own, completely alone, relying only on myself, my thoughts and my experience.

And let's face it - it's not much fun. It's tiring, it's scary because we often lack knowledge about the situation, we can't predict the future, sometimes we can't understand what we really want, or we're simply afraid.

Often because of this we put off making a decision. Sometimes this is really necessary, but more often than not we wait for everything to clear up on its own, but then we begin to re-think the situation and end up doing nothing at all. We feel like we are stuck in one place, as if we are shackled.

So, how to get out of this state? How to gain control over the situation and overcome your fear and uncertainty?

Not all of us are born with determination, just as not all of us are born athletes. I am one of them. But I know how important it is for your health to lead an active lifestyle, so I try to walk half the way to work and take the stairs, rather than taking the elevator where possible. In a similar way, you can create a system of rules that will help you become a more decisive person. My system consists of four main parts.

Love yourself

Insecurity comes from a bad attitude towards yourself. Being overweight, not having the prettiest face, wearing bad clothes - if any of these make you feel like an unsuitable or unworthy guy, then you need to slap yourself in the face a couple of times. If you can solve any of the problems, then solve it as quickly as possible. Yes, you won’t be able to straighten your face, but losing a few kilograms is not a problem. At the same time, there is a clan of men who do not take care of themselves at all, but they are successful with women.

You know those people - they are over 40, their belly reaches to their knees, there is almost no hair on their heads, but they are cheerful and interesting to be with. They accept themselves as they are, which allows them to be desired. What prevents you from doing the same?

Answer yourself the question: what kind of life do you want to live?

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values ​​are. Roy Disney (Walt Disney Company)

Knowing what you want is one of the main things that can help you become decisive. When we work on a project and disagree with team members, we always try to remember our original goal.

You have to figure out what kind of life you want to live; you should clearly define your goal. Take paper and pen and write, write, write until the answer becomes clear to you.

This is what works for me. First, completely vague statements come out (for example: I want to draw. But draw what? I want to write. But write what, for whom?). After everything is ready, put your creation aside and wait three days, and then re-read what you wrote again. If things still haven’t cleared up, give yourself a break for another three days. As a rule, after such a long immersion in the essence of the issue, the desired direction becomes more or less clear to you.

This technique doesn't just apply to life in general. You can also ask yourself what kind of people you want around you, what kind of job you want to get, or what kind of relationships will make you happy.

Realize that you have already seduced a woman3

Experienced men only need one glance to understand how to seduce a girl. Of course, this is also a matter of practice, but even a beginner in love affairs should take signals from a lady. If you don't understand very subtle hints, you can start talking to the girl about sex. The more openly she talks to you, the better. You need to come from afar, after all, the phrase “do you like to fuck?” unlikely to be suitable for such a situation. When you realize that a woman wants you, the level of adrenaline in your blood will decide everything for you.

Holding back fear

Fear of the new holds back, numbs and sometimes even turns into panic attacks. It seems impossible to cope with it, and it will accompany you all your life. But psychologist Eleanor Gordon-Smith not only claims that this is an erroneous thought, but shows by her example that the fear of the new is not only possible, but also necessary to fight.

In her opinion, determination and courage can be developed in yourself in the same way as pumping up muscles. She adheres in her life to the thought expressed by Gordon Livingston, who argued that feelings follow action, and not vice versa.

More touches5

You can’t seduce a girl with just conversations, you need to touch her as often as possible. There is nothing scary or intimidating about touching (unless you grab her chest 2 minutes after meeting her). You can stroke your shoulder without any sexual connotation. Many years ago, very wise men invented dancing. While dancing, you and the lady touch each other, which opens up new horizons for you. No chance to dance? Sit so that you can at least pat the girl on the back. Watch the reaction, and if it seems to you that the girl is already yours, then you will have to use the old trick that many men use.


How to become decisive? You need to learn how to make decisions. It seems easy, but in reality you have to get out of your comfort zone to acquire this character trait.

To become decisive, you first need to change the way you think. You must have your own point of view, not on all issues, but at least on those that somehow concern you. For example, your mother has looked after you all your life and wants you to work as a physicist at a local institute. Have you been interested in playing the guitar since childhood? What position would you take in this situation? Ideally, you would need to think through everything carefully: what the first and second jobs will give. A decisive person will find advantages and disadvantages, weigh everything and make a decision. After all, this is his life, not his mother’s. And if he still understands that he wants to connect his life with music, he will go in this direction. This is the very character trait we are talking about.

Therefore, if you are thinking about how to become a decisive person, then stop being afraid to take responsibility for your actions and learn to think with your own head. This is the only way you can become better.


If you think that all men have a very subtle sense of female nature, then you are deeply mistaken. Most often, determination is manifested in a kiss. A kiss delimits the communication that was before it with a new round of relationships between people. If you see that a girl reacts well to your touch and looks at you without disgust (at least), then just kiss her. Many warriors fell in this war, but the bravest received their reward. Don't think about the consequences, otherwise nothing will work out. Yes, this method does not teach you determination, but it masks its absence.

The question “How to become more decisive?” is very popular, but the answer is very simple. Decisiveness is an important male character trait that is highly valued by women. It is important to understand that determination is closely related to self-confidence. Various complexes and grievances very often go away just because of communication with women, so don’t miss your chance. Each successful act will tempt you to do everything more decisively.

Developing the best character traits in ourselves

So, how to become brave and decisive? What will help us with this?

The simplest thing that can be advised is to always be exactly like that, regardless of the situation. But it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Is it true? When we find ourselves in situations that cause us fear or apprehension, we cannot overcome ourselves and turn on confidence. These character traits are good, but only when they are 100% developed in us. Only then can we use them in all cases.

Instead of sitting at home and thinking about how to become more determined, try to understand yourself and each trait separately.

We call courage the quality that allows us to forget about fear and act in accordance with the plan. For example, our friend is drowning, and we are afraid of water. A brave person will cast aside all fears and help a friend.

Decisiveness is considered to be the most categorical behavior that allows you to achieve what you need. Such people are able to make an informed decision in any situation. What example can we give? If a determined person sets himself the goal of getting a promotion before the end of the year, then he will achieve it. And he will agree to any (correct, in his opinion) action: work 18 hours or go on a hated business trip.

And confident people believe in themselves, they know that they have enough strength to pass all the tests and get what they cherish.

Knowing what courage, determination and confidence are, we can now understand how to instill these qualities in ourselves. It should be noted that if a person has all three character traits, then we can assume that his life will turn out in the best way.

The main principle without which you cannot become an active person!

Some qualities in a person are developed in paradoxical ways. Determination is one of them. To become decisive, you need to act counter-intuitively—you need to make fewer decisions.

Ignorance of this principle has turned many people into failures. Decisions should be made as rarely as possible, preferably once. Decisiveness is a skill that allows you not to return to your decisions.

Let's say you decide to start running in the evenings. After three weeks of running, you already feel great, your head is clearer and your goal has been achieved. The decision to run every day is no longer relevant. Moreover, it started to rain... How would an indecisive person behave? He will make a decision - “enough is enough, I don’t need this anymore!” Error.

What would a determined person do? He will not make any new decisions. Without a second thought, he will put on a windbreaker, sneakers, and a player in his ears and will enjoy the freshness on the street and the vigor of his mind inside.

It is necessary to register it at the subconscious level - you only finished making decisions when you closed it. While you are returning to it, weighing and thinking about whether you are right, you are showing indecision. By changing your mind, you show indecisiveness. By applying different solutions to the same situations, you also show indecisiveness.

The nature of indecision is obvious - most people pay more attention to changing circumstances rather than to the chosen system.

As a result, in the short term, their decisions look correct and sometimes absolutely justified, but in the long term, the vector of their actions lines up in a multidirectional curve.

To become a determined person you need to learn to do just two things:

1) Make decisions 2) And not return to them again

One might reasonably think, “What if the decision was made incorrectly? Am I supposed to go in the wrong direction all my life?” Here we must remember that even the worst system is much better than no system. If you are tormented by the question of a possible error, then, firstly, you are again showing indecisiveness, and secondly, you have not set a schedule for re-examining your solution.

When deciding to pursue a particular course of action, you must first decide when you can reconsider that decision. Set a date before which you cannot not only change your mind, but question your previous decision. Those. if you decide to run, you must initially decide - I will run for six months without excuses and doubts, I will enter the regime and only after 6 months I can cancel my decision. As a result, within 6 months you will be in a state of confidence and the correctness of the chosen course.

If you do this, then these six months can be the best six months of your life, because you will live them with confidence. Both results and quality of life will increase tenfold. You will stop being nervous, lazy and even jealous. And only six months later, your decision can be consciously revised, and not canceled by momentary weakness or pressure of circumstances.

When a person becomes truly determined, his life becomes much easier. He stops tormenting himself with doubts and thereby frees up a huge number of brain cells. Now he no longer thinks “Am I capable of achieving my goal?”, now he begins to direct all his thoughts to the question: “How can I achieve my goal?”

I’ll summarize all of the above with a rule: to become a decisive person, you don’t need to make 100% correct decisions, you need to make decisions 100% correctly.

Also read the article on how to make the right choice.

Characteristics of a Brave Person

Courage is characterized as the ability to cope with one's fears and doubts. This is the ability to act contrary. After all, fear is an innate instinct inherent in everyone to varying degrees. Courage is what separates a shy person from a determined one. This is the ability to act where others give up.

"Cheek brings success". This is an important quality of human nature. Everything in the world strives for peace. People shackled by fears prefer not to move, so as not to make things worse. Courage is what motivates you to take action. And actions are life itself. By becoming brave, a person completely changes his reality.

How to be bolder, because this is such a necessary quality? It's not that complicated. It is enough to introduce the desired attitude into your consciousness. This is similar to installing updates on a computer. With a little work on yourself, you will become a new, better version of yourself.

Training exercises to combat indecisiveness in communication

How to develop determination in yourself? There are exercises that will allow you to develop the habit of reacting quickly and adequately in unpredictable situations, which will ultimately lead to the development of firmness and courage, not allowing timidity to take over. They should be done systematically. This is the only way to achieve success and get rid of fear, each time feeling more and more confident. Their essence is to put yourself in situations in which there will be a struggle with an indecisive self. At first it will seem impossible, but over time the fear will begin to recede, and you will feel more confident and see the difference with your former self.

Here are examples of such exercises:

  • come to work or school in an outfit that is completely opposite to your style;
  • dial a random phone number and talk to a stranger;
  • talk to strangers in a public place (at a bus stop, in line, etc.);
  • Get advice about the product from the seller in the store:
  • bargain at the market;
  • meet the guy or girl you like;
  • give a compliment to a stranger;
  • give a speech or sing a song at any event;
  • ask a stranger for help or offer help yourself (hold the door, help carry a bag, etc.).

#3 - Willpower

Willpower is the basis of self-discipline, a high level of superiority over one’s weaknesses, and self-control. Without willpower, it is difficult to lose weight, quit smoking, make progress in sports, studies and other matters. This quality is difficult to develop without motivation.

In childhood, it is enough for a child to promise to buy a toy, and he begins to study subjects intensively, do homework, raise his hands more actively in class, and bring straight A’s from school. In adults, willpower is weaker, but by finding a suitable incentive, you can train it.

How to develop persistence?

To develop quality, you need to constantly force yourself to perform the same actions until the result is achieved. If the goal of developing persistence is mastering a foreign language, force yourself to learn 30 new words every day and repeat thirty from yesterday. Learn new ones, repeat old ones - until foreign words bounce off your teeth.

Another good way to develop general perseverance is achieved through grueling sports. The sport can be any, but in general terms let’s consider running.

Set a goal: a 10 km marathon. Try to reach the end point in 1 day. Through sweat, weakness, fatigue, run 10 km without stopping. Increase your mileage every day and reach the finish line. If you learn to persistently get things done from start to finish in a short time, luck will always be on your side. She loves persistent people!

How to quickly gain determination: 5 effective tips

Tip 1. Imagine what you will lose if you don’t do what you have planned. If you can’t decide on something, imagine the consequences of the decision you make, feel the taste of a successful outcome. Then think about the situation as if you had abandoned your plan.

Feel the bitterness of loss and the luck slipping out of your sight. Now pull yourself together and do what you have in mind!

Tip 2. Set a specific goal. Without a specific goal setting, you are unlikely to ever achieve results. So at this stage, think carefully about what you really want to achieve?

By the way, your goal should be cherished and sound nothing less than “I CAN DO ANYTHING!”

If you just reflect and think, why not, nothing will come of it! You must passionately want something with all your heart and firmly believe in the success of the event.

If everyone around you doubts your success, stop sharing your plans for the future with them.

Tip 3. One hundred percent faith in success And although this advice partially repeats the previous one, it would not hurt to repeat it.

Know that if you do not believe in the success of your event, then you will never become decisive.

Tip 4: Let go of fear. Remember, fear will always pull you back. Therefore, at this stage, learn to fight your fear and look it in the eyes. Or you can use your fear to your advantage.

Tip 5 . Take the first step Have you noticed how easy it is to do something if it has already been started? But how difficult it was to start this business!

Knowing this simple truth, use it constantly. Even if you are afraid or embarrassed, tell yourself that it’s only scary at the beginning and boldly take the first step.

Read the article “How to understand what I want.”

Useful advice from psychologists

Courage is a quality that needs to be developed and constantly maintained, no matter how hard it may be. To go through this difficult path, you should adhere to the following recommendations:

  1. Get ready to work productively on yourself. Achieving the final goal without the right psychological attitude will be very problematic.
  2. Believe in yourself. You need to stop paying attention to other people's opinions and listen to the advice of strangers. You need to learn a lesson from past mistakes and no longer dwell on past failures.
  3. Don't avoid your fears. If a person is afraid to fly on an airplane, one should not ignore flights, but, on the contrary, one should strive to use the services of air carriers as often as possible. After some time, the fear will begin to weaken and then disappear altogether.
  4. Learn to lose. There is nothing wrong with a person admitting and accepting his defeat. This time he was out of work, but next time fortune will definitely smile on him.
  5. Expand your social circle. Establishing contacts with other people eliminates complexes and fears. A sociable person is always associated with courage.
  6. Don't be afraid to take risks. A person who never takes risks, as a rule, lives a boring and monotonous life. Strengthening character and courage often occurs when actions associated with increased production of adrenaline are performed. Extreme activities such as rock climbing and surfing are suitable for this purpose.
  7. Don't put things off for a long time. Nothing kills motivation more than endless promises of doing something next time. You need to act here and now, otherwise there may not be another chance to realize what you have planned in life. A brave person realizes his desires as soon as the opportunity looms before him.
  8. Praise yourself. Any action that results in victory over fear should be rewarded.
  9. Change your image. Confident people are not afraid of change. This applies not only to appearance, but also to life views.

It must be remembered that fear is a normal reaction to the surrounding reality, without which the human race could not survive. Being a daredevil who is not afraid to find himself in the midst of danger may be exciting, but it is extremely risky. Courage that does not go beyond common sense will help you become better and fill gray everyday life with bright colors.

Level of self-confidence

It is not surprising that the most determined people have more adequate self-esteem. Conversely, people who lack self-confidence may have difficulty making a choice.

To better cope with decision making, you need to respect yourself, trust yourself. Remember your successes and believe that you are the one who can make the best decision. It is you who know best all the life circumstances of your own reality, so another person cannot give more suitable advice than the one you give yourself.

You should not put someone else's opinion above your own when making a decision. Yes, you can consult with an expert in a particular field in order to have maximum information and better understand the subject of your choice. But the decision that will change your life for the better is always yours.

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