How to become self-confident - a selection of the most effective methods for men and women, boys and girls

Greetings, friends!

Everyone needs self-confidence and self-confidence. It helps you cope with complex tasks and make important decisions. A self-confident person in any situation behaves more calmly and with dignity, arousing the respect and sympathy of others. But a lack of self-confidence leads to serious problems. It is difficult for such people to meet and communicate; it is more difficult for them to improve their personal lives, get a job and move up the career ladder.

An insecure person never takes risks, so he is forced to watch life rush by. If, while reading these lines, you caught yourself thinking that due to self-doubt you periodically miss the chances given by fate, you urgently need to start working on yourself. Today we will look in detail at how to develop self-confidence by following a path consisting of 10 steps. But first, let's find out what confidence is.

What is self confidence

Being a leader, being in the forefront, delighting and inspiring, doing bold things and inspiring trust - all this can be done by confident people.

Confidence is characteristic of actors, politicians, businessmen and all those whom people usually look up to. But there are times when external success does not improve self-esteem.

Feelings of confidence are influenced by:

  • presence or absence of achievements in school and work;
  • complexes;
  • psychological trauma;
  • temperament;
  • stress resistance;
  • appearance;
  • dependence on other people's opinions;
  • health;
  • culture;
  • environment;
  • relationships within family and with friends.

Self-confidence is the ability to correctly assess one’s strengths, not be afraid of life’s difficulties, even in difficult times, see the positive sides and feel self-respect. This is not fearlessness, it is the ability to fight your fear. A confident person is not afraid to take risks; he knows that there is a way out of any situation.

It is important to understand that self-confidence and self-confidence are not the same thing.

The first case is an example of healthy self-esteem, i.e. people know their pros and cons and do not try to underestimate either one or the other. But overly self-confident individuals do not pay attention to shortcomings or do not recognize them at all. However, in any case, you need to strive to develop positive qualities and not turn a blind eye to problems.

When the world ceases to be hostile, and a person does not consider himself a victim, then his abilities are revealed, he shows himself in the best light and achieves his goals.

You can adjust your view of yourself at any age. New thinking will allow you to move forward, change your external and internal world for the better, improve relationships with loved ones and not get stuck in the dark streak of life.

Self-confidence is not a gift that is given to certain people at birth. It can be developed and you need to fight for it - first of all with yourself. And when you have confidence, you need to try to maintain it. In an instant, self-esteem can drop and insecurity can appear. Why does this happen?

Exploring your personality

Before you take action, you should examine yourself. Psychological tests, for example, the Raidas test, can help with this. This technique is intended for people over 18 years of age. It allows you to assess how satisfied you are with your past and current achievements and how they affect your self-esteem.

It is also recommended to take the Eysenck temperament test. Knowing your temperament is very important, since self-esteem largely depends on it. For example, melancholic people tend to doubt their own abilities and be indecisive, while sanguine people actively move towards their goal, even if they often encounter failures. Phlegmatic people more often rationally assess their strengths than representatives of other types of temperament, and choleric people have unstable self-esteem, which can change throughout the day depending on current events.

Causes of insecure behavior

Psychologists advise looking for the root causes of insecurity in childhood memories. The family does not necessarily have to have an authoritarian mother or father who intimidates, punishes or demands a lot from the child. Sometimes it’s enough just to scold him in front of his peers.

Common causes of self-doubt in children:

  • parents do not support or praise for successes, but they always scold for mistakes;
  • mom and dad say: “you won’t succeed,” “don’t even try,” “it’s pointless”;
  • ignore the child's needs and desires;
  • compared with other children;
  • a child experiences bullying at school.

Childhood insecurity and low self-esteem often carry over into adulthood, where the already formed personality behaves indecisively and weak-willed. New sources of loss of self-confidence may include:

  • obsessive anxiety that cannot be controlled;
  • lack of willpower and motivation;
  • non-compliance with the invented ideal;
  • increased emotional sensitivity;
  • flaws in appearance;
  • lack of work, doing something you don’t like, or low wages;
  • unrealized dreams and plans;
  • lack of talents and abilities;
  • fixation on past failures;
  • stress;
  • absence of a partner or recent separation from him;
  • fear in any variations;
  • self-dislike.

Let's look at one of the reasons using a specific example.

In my third year, I found the strength in myself and enrolled in a theater club. At the rehearsal, it seemed to me that everyone was mocking me, images of monsters and monstrosities loomed in my head.

When it was time to join groups, I hid in a corner and thought that none of the guys would offer to join them. My thoughts became darker and darker, I considered myself an ugly person who had no talents or abilities. And in less than a minute I concluded that I hated myself.

And when self-dislike had already eaten me up from the inside, two girls approached with an offer to join them. And then I burst into tears... I just couldn’t stand the internal pressure. After that, I no longer came to rehearsals, quit the activity that I really liked, for which I began to hate myself even more.

If you still find it difficult to overcome indecisiveness, be sure to read the article “How to love yourself.”


Affirmations are short statements that are recommended to be repeated throughout the day to achieve the desired state of mind. This is not a conspiracy or prayer for self-confidence, but a psychological exercise that directly affects the subconscious.

Affirmations are formulated as follows:

  • choose a statement that resonates with your inner state, or make one up. The statement should consist of several words and be extremely concise, for example: “I believe in myself and achieve everything I want”;
  • write the statement on paper and hang it in a visible place, such as above your office desk or on the refrigerator;
  • Repeat the affirmation to yourself 20-30 times every day. You can do this any time you want.

It is important that the affirmation gives you an inner lift and charges you with a good mood. Soon you will notice that your self-esteem is growing and your achievements are increasing.

Quick ways to gain self-confidence

Gaining confidence and healthy self-esteem is a long process that requires persistence and a desire to change. But what if determination, courage and firmness are needed not today, tomorrow?

There are methods that help you believe in yourself in a short time. Let's go from the easiest (can be applied here and now) to the more complex (will take 2-3 days):

Confidence on a physical level

Portray confidence: shoulders back, head higher, back straighter, proud gait, face expresses calm. Your body should speak for you that you know your worth. Now look in the mirror - this is what a confident person looks like.

And don't forget about the smile! Even if you don’t feel like it, smile anyway, and then you can feel a surge of energy.

Speak measuredly, slowly and always loudly. Don't mumble, but express yourself clearly and clearly. If you feel that you don’t understand the issue and are afraid to say something out of place, try to change the topic of conversation.

New environment, new “me”

Clean your room, or better yet, the entire apartment. Rearrange and replace bedding. Feel how everything is changing for the better.

Are there any gifts left from your exes? In the trash! A little souvenir from the resort where you poisoned yourself? Throw it away and don't regret it!

And after updating your place of residence, change yourself. Get a new haircut, buy clothes in an unusual color, change your perfume, or wear an accessory that is atypical for you.

More entries

Keep a diary and write in it what good things happened during the day. In the evening, develop a plan for tomorrow and implement it on time. Be sure to mark what you accomplished.

Make a list of your achievements. Post the checklist in a visible place and add something new every day. Let it be a small thing: “helped a neighbor carry her bag,” “walked 8 kilometers,” “got up half an hour earlier.”

Praise yourself for each completed point of the plan and for each new achievement.

“Thank you” and “please”

Accept compliments with gratitude. Don't brush them off, don't devalue them, and don't start talking about your shortcomings in response. Smile sincerely and say thank you. Believe that what is said is the truth and not flattery.

Learn not only to accept compliments, but also to give them. Sometimes it's even more difficult. Try to say something kind to a loved one, be sure to be sincere. And you will be pleased too.

Talk to a stranger. Offer your help or ask for help. Even a banal “what time is it” will be enough. During the dialogue, do not lower your head. Look into the eyes of your interlocutor.

Towards positivity through negativity

Draw your fears. What would they look like? In the form of a person, an animal or an incomprehensible substance? What color and size are they? Look carefully at the pictures. What do you feel?

If you are going somewhere and are afraid of the upcoming event, close your eyes and imagine the worst case scenario. What's the worst that could happen?

After such fantasies, fear will gradually begin to go away, everything will seem not so hopeless. Courage and determination will appear. Read more about this topic in the article “How to become brave.”

Old plans

No more hiding your to-do list in the closet. Take the burden of unfulfilled plans off your shoulders.

Have you always wanted to go to your aunt in Saratov? Buy a ticket and go! Have you dreamed of going to a spa? So don't sit still. All in your hands.

Why is it important to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t?

Increasing self-esteem means loving yourself: accepting yourself as you are with all your shortcomings and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from someone who is always doubtful and insecure in that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to present himself favorably to others.

If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals who are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).

If you doubt yourself and blame yourself for every little thing, you are automatically programming yourself for further failures and making decision-making more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others towards you will change.

Signs of low (-) self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem usually exhibits the following qualities:

  • excessive self-criticism and self-dissatisfaction;
  • increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
  • constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
  • pathological jealousy;
  • envy of the success of others;
  • passionate desire to please;
  • hostility towards others;
  • constant defensive position and the need to justify one’s actions;
  • pessimism, negative worldview.

An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws incorrect conclusions. The worse we feel about ourselves, the more negatively those around us treat us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.

Long-term step-by-step instructions on the path to confidence

The previous methods help quickly, but their effect wears off just as quickly. Accept the fact that there is no magic cure for insecurity. To become truly self-confident, you need to work on yourself for a long time. Special instructions will help you with this, and it is equally suitable for both men and women.

Step 1. Get rid of negativity

Stop wasting energy on toxic people. If there are individuals next to you who unreasonably criticize everything around them, are always negative, complain but do not solve their problems, are angry with others because of their failures - feel free to say goodbye to them.

Such personalities do not give you room to grow. After every conversation with them, there is a residue in my soul. Let go of the guilt for wanting to say goodbye to a toxic person and think about yourself.

The same applies to everything else: places, habits, things and thoughts. If something prevents you from moving forward, takes away the positive, pulls you into the past - forget about it.

Do you go to a cafe where your loved one left you? Find another place. Do you like to sleep longer? Get out of bed immediately after your alarm goes off. A lot of things that are not needed, but it’s a shame to throw them away? Train yourself to get rid of any three items every week.

Step 2. Fill in the gaps

When you get rid of everything unnecessary, gaps will form in your consciousness. Fill them with good habits.

Start small: return from work by a different route, drink warm water with lemon on an empty stomach in the morning, or walk for half an hour before bed.

Good habits help you stay healthy and energized for many years, so think carefully about which ones you should develop. Start with one, and after a month master another, a third.

Next time you're at a social event, don't hide, try walking up to a stranger and talking. Ask a question, praise the environment, food, or attire of your interlocutor. Day by day, increase the number of phrases and the duration of the conversation.

Try to meet educated, talented individuals from whom you can learn knowledge and experience. Or, on the contrary, look for those whom you yourself can teach something. Your environment should be conducive to your personal growth. Don't forget that you have much more in common with people than you thought, and you shouldn't be afraid of them. Forget about social anxiety!

Set yourself up for positive thinking. Instead of thinking about failure, think through your head about what to do to make your plan a success.

If you have an interview, don’t think “I won’t succeed.” Tell yourself: “I’ll do this, and then they’ll take me, I’ll succeed.”

Step 3. Self-discipline

Self-development and work on yourself takes more than one week. The first two steps can be a difficult hurdle that takes a long time to overcome. At some point, a crisis may come when you no longer want to do anything. This is normal, because change is always difficult. But we must fight this.

Forget phrases such as “I’ll do it later”, “I’ll postpone it until tomorrow”, “it’s too early”. Only here and now. Overcome everyday temptations. Don't forget to reward yourself for perseverance, it gives you impetus for the next step.

Psychologists advise using the “20 minutes a day” rule as a preventive measure against laziness. Its essence is that it is enough to devote 20 minutes a day to any activity in order to see serious results over time.

Oddly enough, to get rid of laziness, sometimes it is useful to do nothing. Adequate rest is the key to efficiency at work.

Setting goals helps fight laziness and develop self-discipline. First, formulate it clearly. No abstract expressions or metaphors! At the same time, you must set realistic deadlines for its implementation.

Make a plan to achieve your goal. For example, your goal is to do 100 squats every day after 3 months. Describe point by point how you will achieve this result. Task No. 1. Do 10 squats for 3 days. Task No. 2. Do 15 squats for a week in a row. And so on for 3 months.

Be sure to write down your goal on paper or electronic media, or better yet, post a reminder note in a visible place.

Don't set many goals at once. It’s better to do one thing, and then move on to the next plan.

Knowing that you can achieve what you want will not only discipline you, but also raise your self-esteem.

Step 4: Environment

The next step is to build relationships. It is important to have only a positive environment nearby: family, friends, people who positively influence you, support you and help you in your endeavors.

Communicate more, try to ask questions and give complete answers, and not get away with monosyllabic phrases. The more often you overcome embarrassment and timidity, the easier it will be to build a dialogue.

To know which way to go, ask for criticism. Listen carefully, do not be offended and do not give up. Don’t focus on the fact that everything is bad, but think about how to correct the shortcomings.

Make sure your criticism is objective and constructive. Just listen to her.

Stand up for your opinion if you think you are right. Always use arguments, not empty phrases. Be prepared to lose an argument and learn from it.

After analyzing the criticism, focus on solving the problem, not on the problem itself. For example, at work, your boss takes anger out on you and verbally humiliates you, which leads to self-doubt. Think about how to fix this problem, and don't feel sorry for yourself.

Step 5. Health and appearance

Beauty and health do not necessarily come with high self-esteem. But a nice appearance and good physical condition definitely won’t hurt.

Sport is the key to success in many areas of life. It helps to improve health, tighten your figure, develop willpower, find like-minded people, improve your well-being, get rid of the blues and depression, as a result of which self-confidence increases.

The choice is huge: football, basketball, swimming, running, table tennis, badminton, figure skating and much more. Perhaps you will find your calling in sports.

A balanced diet can be a good addition. Eat fresh, healthy foods. Drink more fluids, make vegetables and fruits a mandatory part of your diet.

Don't skimp on your appearance. Take care of your skin, hair, and nails.

Pay attention to your clothes. This does not mean that you need to spend exorbitant amounts of money on branded items. Buy quality products, clothes should be neat and fit you well.

It is important that you feel comfortable in your new look.

Step 6. Self-improvement

If you follow the advice and go clearly step by step, then you have already stepped on the path of self-improvement: good habits, discipline, new acquaintances, sports - these are its elements. Continue in the same spirit.

Do something that brings positive emotions. Especially if this activity reveals the strengths of your personality. Be proud of your abilities.

Continue to learn, gain skills and gain experience. Study foreign languages, try yourself in sculpting, drawing and singing, writing and dancing, work on your speech, sign up for acting courses. Yes, whatever your heart desires!

Self-improvement gives you the opportunity not only to develop intellectually, but also to grow in your own eyes.

Step 7: New Horizons

When you get to this step, you can congratulate yourself. You have achieved a lot. All that remains is to consolidate the result.

A confident person is not afraid to take risks, so you shouldn’t be either. Do something that previously seemed like a nightmare to you: dance in the street in front of everyone, write a poem and read it in front of an audience, hug a stranger.

Don't be shy, take action, become a little bolder! Prove to yourself that you can do anything.

Each achievement will strengthen your sense of confidence and self-esteem.

Find motive

Self-confidence is a feeling that is formed through the experience of any achievements. If a person does not know what he wants and does not develop, he cannot be confident in his abilities. A motivated person believes in himself, radiates optimism and confidence.

Therefore, it is important to work with your goals. How to do it? Here are the simple steps:

  • try to realize your true goals. Write on a piece of paper everything you would like to achieve in life, trying not to listen to the voice of your inner critic. At this stage, you can mention any goals: building a house, moving abroad, skydiving, or getting a science degree;
  • Mark in red the goals that are most significant to you and are truly yours, and in green - those that are imposed on you by society. You should work only with those aspirations that are in tune with your personality and resonate in your soul;
  • Choose among the “red” goals those that you would like to achieve in the coming years. It is advisable to leave two or three;
  • write down your main goals in a notebook. Under each, you should create a list of steps that will bring you closer to achieving the desired result. It is important that the goals are achievable in reality, otherwise you risk being disappointed in yourself. The result should be a plan to achieve a goal that motivates and energizes you.

Once you realize your true needs, start taking action. Every day you should take steps that bring you closer to achieving your dreams. Even a small step brings the goal closer. Want to write a book? Make it a habit to write two pages every day. In three months the book will be ready. Do you dream of losing weight? Stop traveling on public transport and buy a machine that you can use for 15 minutes a day. The result will not be noticeable immediately, but sooner or later it will become obvious not only to you, but also to those around you. And it raises your self-esteem. After all, efforts will be rewarded.

When performing this exercise, you must not forget to set a time frame. You must determine when you will achieve your goal: in a week, in a year or in a month. The deadlines can be changed depending on the circumstances, but they must be indicated. Otherwise you won't have the motivation to move forward.

Harmful installations

I talked about what to do to increase confidence, and now let's talk about what not to do.

  • Think about bad things

Let's remember Step 1. We are trying to get rid of negativity, so away with gloomy thoughts!

Very often anxiety comes in the evenings. Instead of burdening yourself with obsessive thoughts, read an interesting book or take a walk before bed.

  • Lock yourself in

There are not only enemies around you. Family and friends can only help you if you allow it. Don't keep everything to yourself, let your neighbors lend their shoulder. Don't be ashamed to appear weak; honesty and openness will benefit you.

  • Be a perfectionist and accept only ideal results

Everyone makes mistakes. Accept that they are inevitable! Confident people can handle this. They take action and solve problems.

  • Use alcohol to maintain confidence

Remember, this is not a solution to the problem! You may feel better for a brief moment, but the next day the experience will return. You need to develop internal strength without using doping.

  • Compare yourself to others

You are you. There is no need to compare your life with someone else's. Better focus on your development. We don't always see things as they really are. People often show only the outer light shell, hiding the dark sides inside.

  • Blame others for your failures

You can name many reasons why things don’t work out for you: people are to blame, circumstances are to blame, or just chance. But only you alone can fix what doesn’t suit you. Even if someone is to blame, it doesn't matter now. Take responsibility for your here and now.

  • Taking out anger on loved ones

For some, the reaction to troubles and failures is expressed in the form of apathy and depression, while for others it is expressed in the form of anger. Negative energy needs to be dumped somewhere, and loved ones often find themselves under attack. Instead of shouting and arguing with your family, you need to be patient, and then talk honestly and openly with them. Tell us what worries you, and perhaps you will come to a solution to the problem together.

Features of female socialization and self-esteem

Patriarchal attitudes are still strong in our society. That is, the male gender is considered a priority and such qualities as courage, bravery, and the ability to quickly make decisions in a difficult situation are attributed to it. Women are dictated to be weak, submissive, and passive. How to restore self-confidence to a woman in such conditions? After all, society itself seems to insist that one should be timid, fearful and indecisive.

The first thing you should do is explore your own personality. Numerous psychological tests and personality questionnaires can help with this. Thanks to them, you can learn much more about yourself and realize that there are no inherently male and female mental qualities. The second step is to evaluate existing achievements. Work, education, work invested in raising children, creative success: all this should raise self-esteem.

You can do a simple self-confidence exercise. You should take a piece of paper and write down all your successes and achievements that seem significant. It is advisable to have at least 10 points. You need to write everything that comes to mind: from graduating from a prestigious university to the ability to cross-stitch or knit. This list can be supplemented and changed at your discretion. But it is important that it is always in front of your eyes. He will regularly remind you that a woman has enough strength and abilities to achieve her goals.

On the second sheet you need to write what achievements the woman would like to make in the future. The list should also be hung in a visible place so that you are better aware of your goals and remember to take steps to implement them. This simple exercise will help you simultaneously keep in mind the goals you need to achieve and remember your resources, that is, your potential and abilities.

List of books for healthy self-esteem

To make the most of gaining self-confidence, I recommend reading literature on this topic.


  1. Jill Hasson, Sue Hadfield. Gain self-confidence. What does it mean to be assertive? A tutorial for those who want to become self-confident. On the pages of the book you will find examples, tests and practical exercises.
  2. John Kehoe. The subconscious can do anything. Work based on the results of research about the human subconscious from the writer and personal growth coach John Kehoe. You will learn how to formulate and visualize your goals, how to increase your self-esteem and be happy no matter what.
  3. Boris Mikhailovich Litvak. 7 steps to stable self-esteem. Literary training. After reading, everyone will be able to better understand themselves and control their thoughts.
  4. Pavel Alekseevich Fedorenko, Ilya Kachai. Self confidence. How to get rid of shyness, indecision and increase self-esteem. A practical guide for people suffering from social phobia. The therapy is based on the principles of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy.
  5. James Rapson, Craig English. Praise me. How to stop depending on other people's opinions and gain self-confidence. Seven practices from the authors of the book to change a person’s thinking, after which he begins to believe in himself and finds harmony.
  6. Anastasia Zaloga. Self-love. 50 ways to increase self-esteem. After 8 years of working with clients, the practicing psychologist decided to tell others how to gain a sense of confidence and pride in themselves.
  7. Robert Anthony. The main secrets of absolute self-confidence. The main idea of ​​the book: “After changing yourself and your inner world, you will be able to influence your life.”
  8. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. Self confidence. How to increase self-esteem, overcome fears and doubts. The author argues that uncertainty is an impetus for self-improvement and a better life. The book describes how to work your way from the bottom to the top and increase self-esteem.
  9. Rob Young. Self confidence. The ability to control your life. Psychologist Rob Young describes techniques that help you take control of any situation. After reading, you will be able to get from life what you always wanted.
  10. Andrew Matthews. Live easy. Australian psychologist Andrew Matthews wrote about how to look at the world in a new way and become a happy person. In addition, the book is filled with funny illustrations for a better understanding of the material.

Printed books.

  1. Oksana Sergeeva. How to awaken self-confidence. 50 simple rules. The author claims that each of us has self-confidence, we just need to activate it. The book helps to “awaken” inner confidence and make it work for yourself.
  2. Robert Kelsey. Confidence code. How can a smart person become self-confident? The author of the book describes his own experience and research in the field of psychology. He will tell you what confidence is and where it begins.
  3. Brett Blumenthal, Daniel Shea. One habit per week for the whole family. We increase confidence, strengthen relationships, take care of health. The book describes step-by-step recommendations for strengthening your own confidence, confidence in relationships and achieving harmony within the family.
  4. Maria Nosova. I'm sure. I'm sure. The author is a practicing psychologist, YouTube vlogger. Her book is a collection of techniques aimed at overcoming difficulties in communicating with unfamiliar people, gaining confidence and learning how to respond to stressful and emotionally unstable situations.
  5. Brian Tracy. The power of self-confidence. The author draws on his experience interacting with five million entrepreneurs, businessmen and other successful people from sixty countries. Brian Tracy is confident that readers will be able to be more confident in their actions and take risks without difficulty.
  6. Leil Lowndes. Goodbye shyness! A practical guide to overcoming shyness and developing self-confidence. In the book, you will read about how to talk to people, how to get rid of signs of shyness, and how to come to terms with past failures.
  7. Les Giblin. How to gain confidence and strength in communicating with people. This literary work is intended for those who want, but cannot make friends, who seek to influence the behavior of others and convince them that they are right.
  8. Rosabeth Kanter. Confidence. How cycles of victories and defeats begin and end. The book has an easy style, it is quick to read, the essence is clearly presented and is accessible to a wide range of readers. The author tells how to achieve success in all areas of life.
  9. Florence Binet. My little notebook. Developing self-confidence. Self-instruction manual for parents and their children. From the book you will learn how to help your child feel confident and comfortable.
  10. Dale Carnegie. How to build confidence and influence people when speaking in public. The book contains 3 works by the author. On the pages you will find a lot of useful psychological advice, life stories and quotes from famous successful people.

Confidence Exercise: Acting

Self-confidence exercises may seem strange, but they really work. Often psychologists use an exercise called “Transformation”.

Surely you have met a person in your life who is confident in himself and has achieved great success. This could be a friend of yours, a book hero, a famous businessman, or any public figure. Choose someone who you would like to be like, who also seems to you to be truly successful and has high self-esteem.

Remember how this person talks, how he holds his head, how he walks. Try to transform into him for a while, copying his manner of behavior and speech. Perform simple household tasks, such as mopping the floors, as the person you choose would do. Remember how you felt at the same time, how your reincarnation affected the results of your activities.

Try stepping into this role in situations where you need confidence, such as when you want to talk to your boss about a promotion. Surely people will begin to react to you differently, and you will feel that your self-esteem has become higher. Gradually, you will learn to behave and look confident, such behavior will become natural for you.

How to become confident: long-term methods

What can you do to make self-confidence fundamental? A longer and more regular set of actions will be required. Here are some ideas.

Hang in your room a portrait of someone who is definitely not characterized by self-doubt. This could be an actor or TV presenter, a famous public figure, a character in a book, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague. The main thing is a worthy role model that you want to strive for. And remember: even those who seem extremely confident in themselves are characterized by doubts and moments of weakness. The task is not to avoid such moments completely, but to learn to cope with them.

Get a pet. It often helps to become big, strong, omnipotent and irreplaceable for someone. It is not necessary to start with a huge Rottweiler, which requires a special character from the owner - a small hamster or kitten is enough to start with. You will begin to watch your pet grow, and along with it, your self-confidence as an experienced and caring owner will begin to grow.

Keep a diary of your achievements. Every evening, write down three positive events that happened during the day. Have you decided to do something that you have been putting off for a long time? Have you completed an important stage of work? Record this every evening.

Those who use this method note the following advantages:

  • clearly shows personal progress;
  • motivates you to new feats - so that in the evening you have something to write down with a feeling of satisfaction;
  • disciplines. Knowing that in the evening you need to report to someone - even to your own diary - keeps you on your toes;
  • Regularly re-reading your achievements lifts your spirits and allows you to become self-confident.

Communicate often. With close friends, co-workers or neighbors - start a conversation, maintain communication. Speak first and answer not in monosyllables, but in detail. People who are insecure can find it difficult to both speak and respond. But the more willingly they overcome shyness, the easier it is for them to make new attempts.

Reward yourself. Did you successfully give a presentation at work or talk to your manager about a salary increase? Did you smile at someone you’ve liked for a long time? Have a conversation with an acquaintance whom you usually just say hello to? These are already huge achievements! They deserve to be celebrated. Buy yourself a small present or go to a cafe or cinema. You deserve it.

Learn and gain experience. We are not talking about advanced training courses now, although they are important. Learn from the people around you, adopt useful traits, draw conclusions from different life situations. Sometimes people make mistakes because they are faced with an unfamiliar situation and, out of surprise, are unable to react correctly. There is nothing wrong with this if you use such mistakes as experience for the future.

Do what you're afraid of. Jumping with a parachute if you are afraid of heights is too strong a remedy; such shock therapy is suitable for few people. But looking at the city from at least the sixth floor or taking a ride on the Ferris wheel is something that will help you become more self-confident. Gradually overcoming your fears strengthens both willpower and self-esteem.

Think about what you are afraid of and analyze: what exactly is frightening and overwhelming? Are you afraid of losing ground under your feet, afraid of the unknown, or maybe you are too worried about the opinions of others? Regularly put yourself in situations like this, on the edge of the proverbial comfort zone. Think of it as a kind of simulator for self-confidence: at first it will seem difficult, but then it will grow and strengthen just like muscles in the gym.

How to be confident in yourself: various psychological tricks

Above we talked about rational methods that can be understood by reason. What do experts in psychological techniques offer? There are several specific methods that nevertheless work.

Try to draw your fears. What color, shape, who or what do they look like? Look into their eyes, get to know them. They will become less scary

Create an anchor. Remember a situation in your life that is full of confidence and stability. Imagine yourself in this state, remembering every detail - those present, events, weather and lighting, sounds, smells... And then, when a solid picture is formed, make some strong, confident gesture that will be an anchor to this state: a clenched fist, any a movement symbolizing success and victory, or a short and strong phrase - for example, “Just do it!”

Or better yet, a gesture and a phrase at the same time. Perform this ritual as soon as you need it and feed your anchor - add new energetic situations to the picture of success.

Create an image of your ideal self. When in doubt, imagine what this person would do. Would she really give up? You are not ideal, and you do not have to always act like this fictional character. But comparison with the standard will help you quickly realize that it is not objective reasons that interfere, but exclusively internal doubts.

Simulate the situation you are afraid of and bring it to the point of absurdity. You need to leave work early tomorrow and will have to ask your colleague to switch shifts. You are hesitant: you think that he will definitely refuse, and will also complain to the manager. Now imagine what will happen if you still ask him? What will he do?

The colleague will certainly be outraged to the core. He will bring a huge angry Rottweiler to work, who will fiercely protect his personal space. He will publish it in newspapers and show the story on television. He will report to the police and demand a special forces unit... Imagine everything you can imagine until it becomes funny: of course, such terrible consequences will not happen, in the worst case, the colleague will simply refuse.

Change long-standing habits. Have you decided to become a different, confident person who approaches life differently? What else does this person do differently? Find one of your habits and change it. Of course, you shouldn’t change useful skills that have taken a long time to develop, such as morning exercises. But try doing it with music, or in another place in the apartment, or not in the morning, but in the evening. Or go to a new place for lunch, change your usual route, switch to an unfamiliar style of music.

How to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways

How to increase self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to make yourself believe in your own abilities, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.

Method 1. Change your environment and communicate with successful people

Since man is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem with the help of other people? It’s very simple – you need to change your environment.

I already wrote above that communicating with uninitiated, sluggish and lazy people without ambitions and desires for change is a direct path to decreased self-esteem and lack of motivation in life.

If you radically change your social circle and start communicating with successful, purposeful, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel yourself changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities without which it is impossible to achieve success will return to you.

By communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to value individuality (including your own), begin to think differently about your personal time, find a goal and begin to achieve success on your own.

Method 2. Attending events, trainings, seminars

In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held where specialists teach everyone to gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem.

Experts in applied psychology will be able to turn a timid, indecisive individual into a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person in a few months: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and desire for change.

There are many competent books that talk in detail, with examples and explanations, about the need for self-love and respect: if you want changes, familiarizing yourself with such literature will be very productive.

I recommend reading the following books: Brian Tracy “Self-Esteem”, Sharon Wegshida-Cruz “How Much Are You Worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself."

The books “The Charm of Femininity” by Helen Andelin and “Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay will be especially relevant for increasing female self-esteem.

It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentaries and feature films that help increase self-esteem.

Method 3. Leaving the “comfort zone” - performing unusual actions

A person’s desire to escape from problems into a personal comfort zone is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, and savoring your own powerlessness. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is unusual for us.

At first it may seem that outside your comfort zone there is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then you will understand that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been before.

Staying in familiar conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are accustomed to it. By learning to leave your comfort zone and still remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and shape your new image.

You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a gym membership, go jogging, yoga, and meditation.

Set a goal - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet the girl you like tonight. Don’t be afraid if you don’t succeed the first time – but new sensations and increased self-esteem are guaranteed.

Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism

By stopping self-flagellation, blaming yourself and “eating” for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in your personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:

  1. Release enormous amounts of energy. You will not lose your attention to self-criticism, and there will be time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
  2. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of ​​happiness;
  3. Learn to see the positive traits of your personality . Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find your strengths and work on developing them.

In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using them as life experience.

Method 5. Playing sports and leading a healthy lifestyle

In the course of experiments conducted by European scientists, it was found that one of the simplest and most effective ways to increase self-esteem is to engage in sports, physical exercise, or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.

A healthy body is a container for a healthy spirit and correct thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy to lift, with an untrained body, to make decisions and act independently.

Having started playing sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, increasing self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minor, the process of training itself is important.

The more actively you exercise, the better you begin to feel about yourself.

Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. There is a completely scientific explanation for this phenomenon: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamine - neurotransmitters responsible for reward (in bypass they are sometimes called “joy hormones”).

Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.

Method 6. Listening to affirmations

Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own consciousness. In psychology, affirmations are understood as short verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, create a positive attitude in a person’s subconscious. In the future, this attitude contributes to changing character and personality traits towards improvement.

Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which forces a person to accept them as a given and think accordingly. If our subconscious considers us self-confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become so.

Typical examples of affirmations for increasing self-esteem: “I am the master of my life,” “I can have everything I want,” “I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and effortlessly.” These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.

Helpful advice

Read these phrases into the microphone, record a track of several minutes from them and listen to them in your free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.

Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements

A diary of your own victories and achievements will help teenagers, men and women, to raise their self-esteem.

Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). A success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and allow you to increase your own effectiveness many times over.

Every day, write down any victories you have, no matter how small.


  • I took my grandmother across the road;
  • I wanted to eat junk food, but I restrained myself;
  • Woke up and went to bed on time (according to plan);
  • Gave a gift to my beloved (beloved);
  • Earned 10% more than the previous month;

All these “little things” relate to your personal successes, be sure to include them in your success diary and read it regularly.

If you write down only 5 simple things a day, then this will already be 150 of your achievements per month!

Not so little for one month, would you agree?!

One of our articles was written about how to become rich and successful from scratch, and keeping a success diary can be the first step towards this.

Low self-esteem - 5 main reasons

There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly influence our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic characteristics, external data, social status, and marital status. Below we look at the 5 most common reasons for low self-esteem.

Reason 1. Improper upbringing in the family

Our attitude towards ourselves directly depends on proper upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but, on the contrary, scolded us and constantly compared us with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no basis on which faith in our abilities will be based.

A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one’s own words and actions is influenced by parents’ criticism of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even as an adult, a person who was constantly criticized in childhood subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.

Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from doubts and lack of self-confidence.

The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise your child several times for a correctly completed school task or a carefully drawn drawing, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.

Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for a child: it is there that all future characteristics of an adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, uncertainty, and other negative qualities are a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.

Self-esteem is usually higher among only children and those who were born first. Other children often develop a “little brother complex,” when parents constantly compare the younger child with the older one.

An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm and in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has unquestionable authority.

Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood

No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A strong traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and decreased self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for their parents' divorce or their frequent quarrels: in the future, the feeling of guilt is transformed into constant doubts and an inability to make a decision.

In childhood, completely harmless events take on cosmic proportions. For example, having taken second rather than first place in a competition, an adult athlete will sigh and continue training with redoubled force, while a child may receive psychological trauma for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.

What fuels low self-esteem in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule of peers, careless remarks from adults (parents first of all). As a result, the teenager develops the opinion that he is bad, unlucky, inferior, and a false sense of guilt appears for his actions.

Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life

If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make volitional efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, following standard philistine imperatives - this is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich; he is passive at his core.

Often people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and striving for changes. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but completely absent.

Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then shifts all these problems onto his family when he gets married.

Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is just as necessary for a man and a woman, that is, an adult, to increase self-esteem as it is for a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes unless an adult himself makes an effort for this.

Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment

If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual anabiosis, you are unlikely to have a desire for internal transformation.

High self-esteem and ambition appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are accustomed to living in the shadows, without showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.

If you notice that everyone around you is pathologically accustomed to complaining about life, gossiping, judging others and overly philosophizing for no reason, you should think about whether you are on the same path with these people?

After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential.

If you feel that this tendency is taking place, change this environment or at least limit communication with him.

It is best to communicate with people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to earn money. We have already written before on the topic of how to make money, we recommend that you read this article.

Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health

Low self-esteem often occurs in children with defects in appearance or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly towards such a child, he can be significantly influenced by the social environment - first of all, the opinion of peers.

A typical example is overweight children who are given offensive nicknames in kindergarten or school. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically guaranteed if appropriate measures are not taken.

In this case, you should try to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is not possible, then you need to begin to develop other qualities that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.


If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to developing his abilities and talents, this disadvantage can be turned into an advantage.

Perhaps he will show an ability for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.

In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that “healthy” people can only dream of.

The most striking example of this is Nick Vujicic , a world-famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born without arms and legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.

But, thanks to his willpower and desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.

Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can reach unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that now your condition may not be the best.

We have already written here about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.

How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips

And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others;
  2. Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
  3. Communicate with positive people;
  4. Do what you enjoy;
  5. Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique individual with enormous potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing your self-esteem is one way to realize your full potential.

Dependence on public opinion is a factor that destroys personality: we overcome self-doubt

Public opinion can ruin our lives if we give it too much importance.

Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinions of others is a big mistake.

Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If, when performing any actions, you think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.

Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.

How to become more self-confident - practical exercises

To develop self-confidence, I recommend doing the following 2 exercises:

  1. "You're your own clown." Preparation: You dress ridiculously, for example, in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go outside, go into stores, generally behave as if this is your everyday appearance. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, your psychological threshold for critical perception of you by others will decrease;
  2. "Speaker for Life" Try to speak publicly as often as possible. If at work your boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event, or go on a business trip with an important report, take the initiative and take on these functions yourself. If you have a fear of public speaking, then ways to overcome it have already been described in this article.

Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause as much stress as before. Remember, the best way to get rid of fear is to do what you are afraid of!

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