Most likely, it will not be a secret to you that usually self-confident men are much more successful in all areas of life than those who were unable to overcome some fears and complexes. If you belong to the second type, then you should not think that everything is lost - you may well gain self-confidence and set off to conquer cherished heights.
Causes of self-doubt in men
So, where should you look for the origins of your insecurity?
Upbringing.
Most often, men's lack of self-confidence is precisely the result of upbringing - it comes from childhood. It often forms in preschool age, when parents begin to loudly compare their child with his more skilled peer: “But Petya never gives his mother any trouble!”, “Misha can already count to ten, but you can’t yet!” etc. Such behavior on the part of the father or mother often provides their child with a whole baggage of problems - he gradually develops a loser complex, which he eventually transfers into adolescence, and then into adulthood.
Appearance.
Some men are unhappy with their appearance, and as a result, this develops into serious self-doubt. We can talk about uneven teeth, emerging baldness, body features, or some external defects.
Weak potency.
Weak potency and other problems of a sexual nature are often the cause of self-doubt. The realization that a partner may be seriously dissatisfied unsettles many men.
Goals are too high.
It also happens that a man develops low self-esteem if he sets too high and, at times, simply unattainable goals for himself. Having not achieved the task, he begins to feel dissatisfied, this, of course, lowers his self-confidence.
Orthodox view
One of the most important Christian commandments is: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” How to love yourself - even the Bible says to love yourself first, and then your neighbor, as well as yourself. It seems there is nothing simpler - love yourself, your neighbor and everything will work out. Whether you believe in God or not, the wisest book on earth teaches this.
Basically, someone who does not have self-love leads a hermit’s life. He is alone, doomed to emotional and psychological suffering in all areas of life: in marriage, family, team, partnerships.
It would be good for everyone to know how to love themselves and increase their self-esteem, because a person who does not love himself, by definition, is not able to love others and be happy.
An insecure and a confident man - what's the difference?
First, let's determine what an insecure man looks like and how he behaves? Let’s also “take a closer look” at a confident man.
Unsure man
A young man with low self-esteem often approaches everything with a high degree of skepticism, and sometimes even with hostility. It is not easy for him to maintain relationships with fellow students and colleagues, as well as with his partner. Most often, on a subconscious level, they choose similar women, which then, in turn, negatively affects the upbringing of their common children.
Often insecure men have a rather sloppy appearance and generally look unkempt. However, there are also those with low self-esteem who try in every possible way to disguise this feature, and therefore are overly scrupulous about their own appearance.
It is not easy for such people to make friends. Also, conflicts often occur in their family life. When a person feels insecure, he tends to blame others for his failures and mistakes. A man with low self-esteem is most often uncommunicative and withdrawn into himself. He is often subject to other people's opinions and influence.
Confident man
What image of a self-confident man has developed in modern society? Such a man will not allow fear to interfere with his success. It may be about the fear of being rejected, making a mistake, or receiving a new reprimand. All these fears force insecure young people to stay away, but a self-confident representative of the stronger half of humanity understands that living in fear means not taking advantage of the opportunities that life gives. Such cowardice can negatively affect a career, love relationships, friendships, and simply morale. A man who does not suffer from low self-esteem realizes that fear can appear at any moment, but at the same time he knows how to overcome this “enemy.” He will not live only in his own comfort zone - he is no stranger to taking risks and exploring uncharted territories.
He also won't do anything to please anyone. You've probably seen young people who go astray from their intended path in order to satisfy, for example, a girl's whim. A mature man will not do this - if he has chosen a certain path and understands that it can bring good results in the future, he will continue the business. He monitors his health, plays sports, develops, expanding his knowledge in areas that seem interesting or promising to him.
A self-confident man does not look for an “ideal partner”, thereby following the lead of some of his complexes. He initially understands that women, like men, have not only strengths, but also weaknesses, shortcomings, and fears. He allows a woman to be weak and does not require her to live up to his expectations.
What psychologists say
Self-esteem is constantly changing under the influence of current events. It is also affected by the time of day. In the morning, a person is more confident in himself, so it is better to plan complex tasks for this part of the day.
Self-esteem does not always have to be adequate, it must motivate
So how can a man increase his self-esteem and self-confidence? A good technique for restoring self-confidence after unpleasant events is reframing. In simple words, to raise self-esteem you need to look at the situation from a different angle from the position of what benefit or benefit can be derived from it. A positive attitude is directly related to self-esteem.
Thus, it is not difficult for a man to raise his self-esteem. It is enough to learn to take responsibility for your life, learn relaxation techniques and act towards your goals.
How to increase self-confidence
To boost your self-confidence, follow some effective tips.
Don't make a fuss
It is important to avoid fuss and haste - they can only be justified in the most urgent cases, and such situations rarely happen in life. It is necessary to develop resistance to stress. Find time every day to relax and disconnect from all thoughts, at least for a few minutes.
Get Organized
Make plans, be organized, plan ahead. You must clearly understand where you are now, where you want to be, and what needs to be done to achieve this. Don't let situations take their course, don't leave them to chance.
Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed, and understand that this is normal—don't be afraid of the unexpected. If possible, foresee in advance all possible developments of a particular situation, analyze what is best to do in case of a particular outcome. In this case, “unpleasant surprises” will be minimized
Set yourself achievable goals
Completing the tasks you set for yourself will help you gain self-confidence. They can be very simple or a little more complicated, but the main thing is to initially understand that they are quite achievable. An example would be cooking some interesting dish, mastering snowboarding, attending sports training, and so on. Once you complete a task, reward yourself for it. Don’t forget about your even the smallest achievements - they all become the foundation for building a whole personality.
He is not afraid to defend his opinions and positions
Such a person understands that he will have to compete in the social world and defend his own rights. Many guys in the modern world are used to complaining that they are not respected and their opinions are not listened to, that they are not considered and not taken seriously. But if we dig deeper, to the root of the problem, we understand that this person himself allowed other people to disrespect him. Therefore, every person should be able to defend their opinion and not allow people to “wipe their feet on it.”
How to develop your masculine core
So, what qualities can be characterized as the inner male core?
First of all, we are talking about a clearly structured system of one’s own life priorities. It is also important to distinguish between what is important to you and what is not. A man with an inner core is consistent in his thoughts and actions. He does not depend on other people's opinions and assessments.
How to achieve this
- Determine your main life goals, to which other things in your life will be subordinated. Choose your own mission, which will give direction to the development of your inner core.
- Give a significant place in your life to self-development, remembering that there are no obstacles to this goal, but only excuses. Decide for yourself what exactly you want to learn and take action.
- Devote more time to gaining new knowledge, reading, and acquiring practical skills. It is important to constantly learn something in order to develop and move forward.
- Don’t be afraid to gain your own life experience - this is the foundation for your development.
- Only a man can have an inner core, but not a boy. That is why leave all childhood grievances and complaints in the past, stop blaming your family for today’s and past failures, and start building your own life.
He does not wait, but takes concrete actions
Real men go after what they want. They are like hunters, they will chase the woman they like and will achieve her no matter how hard it is. They will do everything possible to interest a woman and ask her out on a date. A strong man never gives up, even if serious obstacles arise along the way. He may be shy, but he always acts and takes action to achieve his own goals. He doesn't sit back and wait for things to happen naturally, but takes concrete action - that's how a real man behaves.
How to deal with low self-esteem if your environment humiliates you
Firstly, if your environment humiliates you, this is the first reason to change it. Yes, you can fight “against everyone” and try to achieve success, but in the current situation this is hardly possible. You need to distance yourself from people who lower your self-esteem.
It is also useful to spend more time with new acquaintances - sign up for some training or courses, start communicating with new people. If you again encounter humiliation from others, then this is a serious reason to analyze what is the true reason for such an attitude. Most likely, you will not be able to do this without the help of a psychologist. Be sure to make an appointment - do not deprive yourself of the chance to improve your life and overcome your own complexes.
His words and actions complement each other
He knows what he is saying and is always ready to back up his words with actions. If a guy says he is going to call at a certain time, he will definitely call, even if he is very busy. If he plans to pick up the girl at a certain time, you can be sure that the car will be waiting at that time. A real man does exactly what he says and you won't have to ask or remind him multiple times. He will definitely do what he said. Because he is a man of his word, and his own reputation plays a big role for him.
Sign No. 9: a strict coat
David Beckham
In cold weather, many famous actors, politicians and businessmen prefer to wear formal coats made of high-quality fabrics, to which wool, hair and dust do not stick. Fitted styles look presentable if a man’s figure allows him to wear it. In addition, a classic coat immediately makes looks more expensive, even with a suit, even with jeans and a T-shirt.
Work on yourself
There is another important rule that all guys should adhere to - this is to always develop themselves. Develop your body, your mind and consciousness. A strong man always remembers this and works on himself. He knows that there are more important things in life than money and status. That we have a heart and soul that cannot be forgotten. And if he remembers this. If he lives in accordance with his spiritual needs, then he will be happy.
He behaves with dignity
The next sign of how a real man behaves is that he never gets hysterical. Nowadays, it is a big problem to find a man who would behave calmly and with dignity. Unfortunately, now many guys are becoming hysterical. They act like girls, and the girls, in turn, begin to outshine and dominate the boys.
A real man does not get offended, does not whine or complain about problems. He values and listens to other people's opinions. He does not quarrel and does not show anger if problems arise in life, but keeps himself under control even in the most difficult situations.
