How to increase self-esteem: exercises, techniques, trainings

All people dream of a decent life: living with a loved one, making a career, taking care of children, having true friends. Some people do this by inviting the girl they like on a date, literally working hard at work, and finding time for travel and active recreation with friends. In general, they do everything to achieve their goals.

And others are embarrassed to approach the object of their sympathy, once again remind their boss about themselves, invite friends to a party, etc. And now we are not talking about those who are lazy to do this or do not have clear plans and guidelines for life. People with low self-esteem are doomed to this: they are afraid of rejection, failure, criticism, mistakes. They believe that they are incapable of generating interest and have no talent. For them, dreams remain dreams.

If you belong to this group of people, know that life can be changed for the better. Stop explaining everything by natural shyness, physical disabilities or pathological bad luck. You just need to work hard on yourself. There are various techniques that help increase self-esteem and become a confident, successful person. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how old you are now, you can start at 15 or 55.

Formation of personal self-esteem

The structure of self-esteem formation can be considered as a component of personal development, which includes two components: cognitive and emotional, working in inextricable unity.
The cognitive component reflects the individual’s knowledge about himself to varying degrees of generalization and expression, the emotional component is the attitude towards himself, the so-called accumulating “attitude towards himself.” After all, an individual acquires any knowledge about his own personality only in a social context. Then this knowledge inevitably becomes overgrown with emotions. The formation of a person’s self-esteem occurs under the influence of several interrelated factors, which include communication interaction with the surrounding society, the active activity of the individual, self-observation and self-control. A person, carrying out any form of activity, invariably finds himself in situations in which he is forced to develop his attitude to actions and deeds, behavior in general, evaluate his own skills and abilities to produce something, and demonstrate various aspects of his personality.

There is no specific type of activity that will have a greater or lesser impact on the formation of positive self-esteem. However, we can still conclude that a significant impact on the development of self-esteem (adequate or inadequate) is exerted by activities that become leading at a specific stage of an individual’s life. For example, the conditions for developing self-esteem in children or adolescents lie in educational activities and everything that is interconnected with it. For older individuals, work activity often becomes the main condition for developing adequate self-esteem. However, at the same time, for all individuals the role of a single condition is purely individual. Since professional activities or studies do not always bring satisfaction, they can often even act as a source of stress, negative experiences and uncertainty. Therefore, in order to assert oneself and increase self-confidence, in addition to educational or work activities, there are many other activities, such as hobbies.

An important characteristic of a mature personality is the emergence of differentiated self-esteem. This means that an individual is able to reasonably assess his own potential depending on the field of activity, he can sensibly accept both his strong and weak traits, and is not upset when something is discovered beyond the boundaries of his understanding

The formation of self-esteem plays a vital role in the development of personality. It determines the development of the level of aspirations of the individual, the level of confidence and uncertainty, which affects the success of the individual in life and the self-sufficiency of the individual as a whole. Therefore, the role of self-esteem in the formation of personality is quite difficult to overestimate.

Books to read

Popular psychological literature will tell you how to raise self-esteem. Here are a few books that would be useful for insecure people to read:

  • Boris Litvak. "7 steps to stable self-esteem." Quote from this book: “If you want changes in life, start working with yourself, this work will give amazing results.”
  • Brett Blumenthal. “One habit a week. Change yourself in a year." Increasing self-esteem does not happen with the snap of a finger. The transition to a new level is preceded by a number of minor changes.
  • Robert Anthony. “The main secrets of absolute self-confidence.” The book is written in vivid language and contains simple, effective lessons and exercises for developing willpower and healthy habits.

Types of personality self-esteem in psychology

In psychology, there are three types of self-esteem. The classification is based on the degree to which a person’s self-importance corresponds to objective data. The more realistically a person evaluates himself, the more successful his relationships with people are and the higher his success in all areas of life.

Adequate self-esteem

With this type of self-perception, a person’s assessment coincides with reality. A person soberly realizes his strengths and weaknesses, knows his capabilities and needs, and determines his inner potential.

Such a person is capable of self-criticism and working on mistakes. Weaknesses are eliminated and strong characteristics are cultivated.

Inadequate self-esteem

Distorted self-esteem suggests that a person’s opinion of himself is far from objective. Radical self-perception can be overestimated or underestimated when a person either does not accept himself at all or believes that he has qualities that are not actually inherent in him. Inadequate self-esteem interferes with communication and professional achievement.

Mixed self-esteem

In this case, a person treats himself differently at different periods of his life, sometimes he shows more confidence, sometimes he becomes weak and complex.

We can also talk about a mixed view if we really look at ourselves in terms of some qualities, but inadequately in terms of other characteristics. For example, we confidently achieve success in our profession, but in our personal lives we consider ourselves unworthy of a suitable partner.


Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.

They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):

  • define your mood in one word (color);
  • talk about your positive qualities (who has more);
  • advertise yourself using various means (who is better);
  • find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones);
  • play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.

This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.

During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.

Formation of adequate self-esteem

Self-esteem is one of the most essential conditions determining the transformation of a small individual into a personality. It develops in subjects the need to comply not only with the surrounding individuals and environment, but also with the level of their own personal assessments. Correctly developed adequate self-esteem is not just knowledge of one’s own personality and not the sum of some traits, but a certain attitude towards one’s own personality. It determines the comprehension of personality as a separate stable object.

M. Fennel presented self-esteem as the central link of voluntary self-regulation. In her opinion, it determines the direction and level of activity of the individual, his position in relation to the environment, society, and his own person, and is a mechanism of the most complex psychological nature. It is involved in a mass of interconnections and relationships with the formations of the individual’s psyche and represents an important determinant of all forms of its activity and communication interaction. The initial abilities to evaluate one’s own personality are laid in early childhood, and their formation and improvement occurs throughout the entire life course of the individual.

R. Nemov believed that self-esteem allows an individual to maintain stability regardless of the variability of situations, while providing the individual with the opportunity to remain himself.

The formation of adequate self-esteem of a person is extremely important for interpersonal interactions, establishing relationships with society, for successful communication, and success in a certain type of activity.

And special attention should be paid to the formation of a child’s self-esteem, since all the formations of his personality are just beginning to form, then self-esteem is much easier to influence and change. After all, a baby does not come into the world with a pre-determined attitude towards his own personality and potential.

Just like all other personality traits, his self-esteem develops in the course of upbringing, mastery of activities and interpersonal interaction.

As children grow older, they learn to understand themselves and their own “I”, and evaluate their own qualities. It is this evaluative component of the “I” that is called self-esteem. It represents the core of self-awareness, and the degree of the individual’s claims interconnected with it. The degree of aspiration is understood as the level of difficulty of the goals set by the child for himself.

Self-esteem and the level of a child’s aspirations have a huge impact on emotional well-being, his development, and success in various areas of activity. Nowadays, the impact of a child’s self-esteem on his actions, behavior, actions and interpersonal contacts is becoming increasingly undeniable.

The formation of positive self-esteem in children is primarily influenced by family upbringing and the pedagogical influence of teachers.

It is probably very difficult to overestimate the impact of family upbringing on children's self-esteem. The level of self-esteem depends on the parents - whether it will be adequate or not. For adequate children's self-esteem, constant support from significant adults, the manifestation of sincere care for children and frequent positive assessment of their actions, behavior and deeds are very important. Children should never be humiliated. If a child makes a mistake or does something wrong, you need to explain to him what is wrong and show him how to do it. Try to evaluate his behavior, not his personality characteristics. Don't be afraid to praise your child. You just need to praise correctly - not for the qualities given to him by nature, but for his achievements, victories, no matter how small.

Teachers play an equally important role in developing children’s self-esteem. After all, school-age children spend a significant part of their time within the walls of schools. And educational activity is the main one at this stage of development. Therefore, it is believed that the most important factor determining the adequate formation of a child’s self-esteem is the assessment of teachers. Giving an assessment of the children’s knowledge and skills, the teacher simultaneously assesses their personalities, their potential, abilities and place among others. This is how children perceive teachers’ assessments.

Special cases

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Regardless of the child’s age, parents need to contact a child psychologist and not hide anything from him about parenting methods and problems at school. Don't act on your own. Otherwise, help may be useless.

Working with preschoolers

  1. Don't criticize. Learn to accept your child as he is, with all his shortcomings.
  2. Don't raise your voice, don't scold. Make comments calmly, do not shout.
  3. Hug him more often, kiss him, show him your love, give him compliments, praise him for every little thing.
  4. The child is your own reflection. Do not engage in self-flagellation in front of him.
  5. Don't let him compare himself to others. Explain that every person is good in their own way.
  6. Ask his opinion, ask him to justify it, gently correct his point of view if it goes against generally accepted rules.
  7. Create a cozy atmosphere at home, without quarrels and scandals.
  8. Provide him with enough communication with his peers.
  9. Talk to the kindergarten teachers so that they don’t focus on his mistakes and scold him in front of the whole group.

Increasing the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

We take into account all the recommendations for parents of preschoolers (they remain relevant at this stage of the child’s development) and add a few more.

  1. Find activities for your child in which he is most successful, enroll in clubs and sections.
  2. Motivate him to participate in competitions, relay races, Olympiads, but only in those areas where he can achieve success.
  3. Always be a support and protection for your child if he is right.
  4. Teach him to say “no” to both peers and adults.
  5. Keep him a journal (diary) of his own achievements.
  6. Never compare with your classmates in terms of studies.
  7. If serious learning problems are identified, talk to the teacher about how to improve the child's progress. Do not refuse tutors if necessary.
  8. In the case when he does the wrong thing, do not swear, but give examples from life of what such mistakes are fraught with.
  9. Don't put too high demands on him.

With teenagers

And again, cheat sheets continue to work on how to increase self-esteem in preschool and primary school age, plus we take into account additional advice from psychologists that concerns only teenagers.

  1. No matter how difficult it may be to endure adolescence, you need to be patient and avoid conflicts with a teenager as much as possible.
  2. Learn to respect him and his opinion, which you definitely need to be interested in even in small things, from choosing a toothbrush to decorating the interior of a room.
  3. Teach him to take care of his own appearance, which in adolescence is important for the formation of adequate self-esteem.
  4. Do not allow a teenager to talk about himself in a negative way, humiliate himself, underestimate his own data and successes, compare himself with someone.
  5. Listen to his wishes: if he wants to lose weight, help organize proper nutrition and create a workout plan, and not allow him to drive himself to anorexia.
  6. Cultivate in him tolerance and humanity towards others. Psychologists say that this is one of the most effective methods for increasing a teenager’s self-esteem.
  7. You can teach him auto-training.
  8. Encourage communication with peers, but at the same time monitor his circle of friends in terms of reliability and adequacy.
  9. Introduce a healthy lifestyle: proper nutrition, daily routine, adequate sleep, exercise and the absence of bad habits.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

According to statistics, women are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem than men. They are too critical of their appearance, too keen on self-examination and are capable of turning a tiny fly into a huge elephant.

A few recommendations from psychologists:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Find the strengths in yourself that make you stand out.
  2. Never speak badly about yourself, either alone, much less in front of someone. Stop yourself from even thinking about yourself in a negative way.
  3. Take care of your appearance and health, which are interconnected. Looking well-groomed is half the battle on the road to adequate self-esteem.
  4. Learn to respond correctly to compliments. Not “Come on, I’m ordinary” or “Why are you flattering me,” but “Thank you, it’s very nice.”
  5. If you are constantly humiliated by your boss (husband, boyfriend, father, mother, girlfriend), either learn to fight back or stop communicating. Yes, it’s difficult: quitting your usual job, breaking off a relationship with a loved one, saying “no” to your own parents. But otherwise you will have to endure them all your life.
  6. Find something that gives you pleasure and find time for it at least once a week: shopping, watching your favorite TV series, going to a beauty salon.

The main recommendation for men whose girlfriends or wives have low self-esteem: never compare them with others, give compliments and gifts more often. This is the best psychotherapeutic help in this situation.

Example from practice. A young man came to a psychologist with the problem that his girlfriend had too low self-esteem, and he could not raise it in any way. She had a difficult childhood when her mother left her small children in her care and forced her to work in the market from the age of 12. She never had beautiful things, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, and she wasn’t successful with her classmates. That is, the reasons for self-doubt were obvious.

Work began with a psychologist. The guy taught the girl to dress beautifully, take care of herself, helped her enroll in a correspondence course at a university, gave gifts, and was attentive and gentle. However, even after six months of painstaking work, little has changed. She was still too shy, unsure of her abilities, and still considered herself worthless.

And only then was it possible to find out the main reason why the course of psychological help remained ineffective: the guy reminded the girl almost every day about her unsuccessful childhood. And he did it without malicious intent, he wanted her to see the difference between the past and the present. But in fact, she only aggravated the situation, forcing her to relive those moments of humiliation again and again.

After identifying this error, the couple managed to cope with the problem, the girl blossomed, became a happy wife, realized herself as a good mother, and was even able to make a career.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

It is much more difficult to work with low self-esteem in men. Firstly, most often the reasons go deep into childhood, and they do not strive to advertise them, but carefully hide them, out of shame. Secondly, they themselves are more closed than women, and for psychologists it is trust that plays an important role. Thirdly, persuading them to go to a specialist is a big problem.

What should men do to increase their self-esteem?

  1. Set a realistic goal for yourself, break it down into several tasks and gradually move towards achieving it.
  2. Take every mistake not as a blow of fate, but as a chance to improve and become better.
  3. Workout.
  4. Update your wardrobe.
  5. Find a hobby.
  6. Expand your social circle.
  7. Offer your boss some innovative ideas, give a presentation, or take on a new project with further prospects for career growth.
  8. Help others.
  9. Start a relationship, start a family, become a father.

Recommendations from psychologists for a woman/girl on how to increase self-esteem for her husband/boyfriend:

  1. Encourage him in any endeavors, motivate him to take decisive actions and actions.
  2. Enlist the support of his loved ones: talk to friends, parents, colleagues so that you all act together.
  3. Don't nag him, don't insult him, don't humiliate him, don't criticize him.
  4. Praise for any achievements.
  5. Ask, take into account and respect his opinion.
  6. Ask for help with household chores, studying, raising children.

And the most important advice is to love him. A man who has a loving and caring wife waiting at home is more likely to be successful in his career and does not experience problems with self-esteem.

Ways to correct self-esteem

It is imperative to increase self-esteem. It's never too late to learn to love yourself and accept yourself with all your shortcomings. This is a characteristic that can be easily corrected with diligent, targeted practice.

  1. It is advisable to engage in self-development, gain new knowledge, skills and impressions

    . The more the intellect is pumped up and the horizons are broader, the more self-confident a person is. In addition, he becomes an interesting conversationalist and people notice this, are drawn to him, and begin to compliment him.

  2. By the way, about compliments

    . Learn to receive them with the air of an English queen. There is no need to justify yourself with the phrase “You look so good!”, It’s better to answer: “It is what it is!”

  3. You should never overuse excuses

    . A person with good self-esteem is confident in himself, so he is responsible for all his actions and has no need to apologize.

  4. Learn to create a good mood for yourself, smile and praise yourself for any reason.

    . Got up from the couch to wash the floor? “What a great fellow I am!” But if you don’t get up, then you don’t need to scold yourself. Say: “Let my gorgeous legs rest a little.”

  5. Forgive yourself for mistakes, everyone makes them

    . You need to get rid of the feeling of guilt; it is aggression directed against yourself.

As you work to improve your self-image, remove yourself from toxic people who criticize and devalue and let them pour their venom elsewhere. When you love yourself, their opinion will become indifferent to you, or you will be able to respond adequately.


When you watch TV shows about a beautiful life, they plunge you into an even greater abyss of your own complexes. There is a constant comparison of oneself with on-screen characters in favor of the latter. It lowers rather than increases self-esteem. Therefore, while working on yourself, exclude them from your pastime. They have a worthy replacement. Firstly, various trainings, master classes and video trainings in the form of documentaries. Secondly, masterpieces of artistic cinema that motivate rather than destroy self-awareness.


  1. Brian Tracy. Self-esteem. Psychology of success.
  2. Depression and self-esteem. Jacque Fresco. Venus Project.
  3. How to increase self-esteem? 10 proven methods.
  4. Psychology of Personality. Low self-esteem. How to improve low self-esteem.
  5. Self-confidence is the key to victory!


  1. The Pursuit of Happyness.
  2. Always say yes".
  3. Peaceful warrior.
  4. Never give up.
  5. The man who changed everything.

Level of self-esteem

The level of self-esteem depends on the degree to which a person loves himself and compares with other people.


A person with low self-esteem treats himself without much warmth; he is not satisfied with the way his life is shaping up.

In external manifestations such an individual is expressed:

  • frequent self-criticism;
  • regularly occurring feelings of guilt;
  • desire to please other people;
  • fear of doing something wrong.

At the same time, a person’s objective data is good, there is potential, but due to the fear of making a mistake, they are often not realized.


The most undesirable level of self-assessment, which does not allow you to build successful relationships and achieve results.

A person with low self-esteem is identified by the following symptoms:

  • apologies are appropriate and inappropriate;
  • neurotic feeling of guilt;
  • constant justifications for one’s words and actions;
  • lack of initiative due to complete lack of self-confidence.

With low self-esteem, an “imposter complex” is always present. If a person has achieved success, done something well, he will say that this is an accident and he has no merit in it.

His speech is replete with phrases such as: “I’m not sure,” “I can’t, I won’t succeed.” By the way, perfectionism is a manifestation of low and low self-esteem. Everyone knows examples when girls, seemingly with an ideal appearance, which many can only dream of, torture themselves with diets, go under the knife of plastic surgeons and develop severe pathologies.


Having normal self-esteem is a great success for a person! People are fully aware of their pros and cons, take their virtues and sins for granted, and try to correct the latter. A person respects and loves himself.

In external manifestations, such self-perception is expressed as follows:

  • ability to make decisions and take responsibility for them;
  • calm expression of one's opinion;
  • stress resistance;
  • adequate perception of criticism from the outside;
  • realistic expectations.

A person who evaluates himself normally lives easily, calmly, harmoniously, she has many friends, and has all the opportunities for a successful personal life. The likelihood of mental and psychosomatic illnesses is low. A person does not gnaw at himself with a feeling of guilt; he realizes mistakes, corrects them and moves on.

High, overpriced

The essence of high and inflated self-esteem is the same - a distorted idea of ​​oneself in the direction of praising advantages and ignoring shortcomings. An inflated self-perception is better for a person than an underestimated one, because it allows one to move forward. But such people have few close friends; they are often left alone.

Characteristics of a person with high self-esteem:

  • narcissism, narcissism;
  • intolerance of any criticism;
  • unshakable confidence in one’s rightness;
  • blaming the failures of others;
  • lack of habit of asking for forgiveness, even if it is to blame;
  • constant competition with colleagues and friends;
  • lack of desire and skills to listen to the opponent.

Such a person is not interested in people, in principle. He often boasts, talks about his successes, and considers himself underestimated. The individual believes that the whole world should revolve around him; he does not ask, but orders.


To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

  • 3 days work with the right leg;
  • 3 days - with the left leg;
  • 3 days - with both legs at once;
  • 3 days - with the right hand;
  • 3 days - with the left hand;
  • 3 days - with both hands at once;
  • 3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

  1. Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
  2. Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
  3. Close eyes.
  4. Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
  5. Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
  6. Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
  7. You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
  8. You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

  1. It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
  2. Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
  3. Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
  4. It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
  5. They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
  6. Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
  7. There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

  • using the future tense in affirmations;
  • use of verb forms “can” and “will”;
  • use of the negative particle “not”;
  • Irregular work with affirmations (not every day);
  • a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another;
  • lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

  1. I am worthy of love and respect.
  2. I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
  3. Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
  4. Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
  5. I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
  6. I am the master of my life.
  7. Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
  8. I can take care of myself.
  9. I am confident in the future.
  10. Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.

Formation of self-esteem of a junior schoolchild

The formation of self-esteem is closely interconnected with the active activity of children, with self-control and self-observation

Various activities, games, communication invariably draw their attention to themselves, put them in circumstances in which they must somehow relate to themselves and evaluate their own abilities, the ability to produce something, obey certain requirements and norms, and demonstrate individual personality traits

Self-esteem is an important and necessary component of the formation of self-awareness, i.e. a person’s comprehension of himself, individual physical strength, intellectual abilities, actions, deeds, motivations and goals of behavior, attitude towards the surrounding society, towards other individuals and himself.

The level of aspirations of children and self-esteem have a huge impact on success in certain types of activities.

Throughout the school year, the self-esteem of a junior schoolchild is formed. A separate situational self-esteem, not associated with a meaningful idea of ​​one’s own personality, appears much earlier than the personal “I-concept”. However, self-esteem becomes more constant and independent of situations only if it is interconnected with the “I-concept,” and meaningful differences between them are not revealed. In the first year of study, the image of one’s “I” increases several times.

For educational activities, a junior schoolchild really needs the ability to competently set goals, manage his behavior, and control himself. And for this you need knowledge about yourself, your potential. The process of developing self-control depends on the degree of formation of self-esteem. Schoolchildren are able to exercise self-control only with the help and guidance of adults or with the participation of peers. Primary school children's ideas about themselves are the basis of self-esteem. Children's self-awareness is realized in educational activities.

Children evaluate themselves during educational activities in two ways. The first is to compare the degree of personal aspirations with the objective consequences of personal activity. The second is in comparing one’s own personality with other individuals. And the higher the degree of claims, the harder it will be to satisfy them. Successes and failures in a certain type of activity significantly affect a person’s assessment of his own skills and abilities in this activity. So, for example, failures generally lower aspirations, while successes, on the contrary, increase them

Comparison is also important. After all, when evaluating himself, the child, voluntarily or involuntarily, tries to compare himself with other children, while he takes into account not only his own successes, but also the entire current social situation

Exploring your skill map

This exercise will allow you to get to know yourself better and understand what strengths you already have and which ones you need to develop in order to achieve your goals.

Make a list of your fundamental attitudes, beliefs and traits. Then - a list of skills and strengths that you have developed throughout your life. List your goals and dreams separately.

Then start forming these points into a tree. You can simply draw it on paper, make an applique, or use a computer. The items on the first list (fundamental beliefs and attitudes) will be the roots and trunk. The second (qualities and skills) - in branches. And goals and dreams are leaves.

What is self-esteem


- this is a person’s level of understanding of himself, his positive and negative qualities, assessment of his personality, part of the self-concept.

Self-perception is inextricably linked to the degree of self-love. The more a person loves himself, the more adequate and higher his self-esteem.

Personal self-esteem is a very significant indicator and influences how a person’s life will turn out. Confidence in your merits, faith in your own strengths allows you to achieve success. On the contrary, humiliation, feelings of guilt and shame, and unjustified shyness prevent internal needs from manifesting and being realized. Basic self-esteem is formed in childhood, but this is a category that can change over time and is subject to correction.

Freeing yourself from guilt and fear

For several days, write down all the fears and sources of guilt that haunt you. Then highlight those that are repeated especially often. Maybe you feel guilty because you skip going to the gym, or because you keep forgetting to call your relatives. Or you are afraid that you will not be able to achieve some goal.

Select one item from the selected ones and write a permit for yourself. For example: “I have the right to miss a workout,” “I have the right to be forgetful,” or “I have the right to fail.”

Place this resolution where you will see it often: on your monitor, refrigerator, or next to your bed. The next time you feel overwhelmed by fear or guilt, look at the note and you will feel better.

Self-Esteem Functions

The description and content of the functions of personality self-esteem, as a basic concept in psychology, are given in the table.

StimulatingMotivates a person to take actions that can increase self-esteem.
Post forecastBlocks actions that may affect self-esteem.
RegulatoryEnsures that the individual accepts tasks and makes decisions.
EmotionalAllows a person to satisfy needs and enjoy life.
ProtectiveForms personality stability.
ControllingProvides self-control during a person’s performance of tasks and actions.
DevelopmentalMotivates for self-development and improvement.

Levels of personality self-esteem

In addition to the periods of formation of personal self-esteem, there are levels in psychology. There are three of them:

Low – this level is considered a problem in psychology. It is formed under the influence of parents in childhood. Such people are characterized by indecision, dependence on the opinions of other people, a desire to avoid responsibility and shift it onto the shoulders of others, excessive demands, and envy.

This is “distorted” egoism - the individual is so immersed in his own failures that he does not notice what is happening around him and does not pay attention to the problems of his loved ones. Average or "normal". This level is found in those who are self-confident and are aware and adequately evaluate their negative and positive qualities.

People with a similar “mindset” are proactive and adapt well to any conditions established by society. Tall is characteristic of the successful and influential. If an individual has significant achievements in any area, then with a high probability a similar mechanism is triggered. However, there are many cases of unreasonably high assessment of one’s actions and achievements, when self-esteem is much “more extensive” than the quantity and quality of real actions.

In addition to levels, psychology distinguishes types of assessment - adequate and inadequate. The first correctly interprets the actions and characteristics of the individual. A person is able to really look at himself from the outside and set achievable goals. In the case of an inadequate appearance, the individual forms an incorrect idea of ​​himself - he either underestimates or overestimates the existing “level”. Correction of such deviations is impossible without the use of special tests and techniques. They will help determine what the real picture is and whether it is worth working with a psychologist.

High self-esteem and self-confidence are an important factor in achieving success.

Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for achieving success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that selfishness is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.

In fact, the lack of love and respect for one’s own personality is what gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly valued by others: their opinions are listened to, people strive to communicate and cooperate with them. Having learned to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of high (+) self-esteem

People with healthy, high self-esteem have the following benefits:

  • accept their physical appearance as it is;
  • self-confident;
  • are not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
  • calmly accept criticism and compliments;
  • know how to communicate, do not experience shyness when communicating with strangers;
  • respect the opinions of others, but also value their own view of things;
  • take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
  • develop harmoniously;
  • achieve success in their endeavors.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are the same necessary factors for achieving success and happiness as sun and water for a plant: without them, personal growth is impossible. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.

Formation of personal self-esteem

This process (and the result, i.e. self-esteem and level of aspirations) is influenced by 2 factors - the attitude of relatives and friends and awareness of one’s own actions. The latter does not appear spontaneously - it is developed through interaction with other people. Relatives and educators should teach children to control their actions, to coordinate their own “wants” with the desires of others.

A feature of the process is that in each age period accompanying activities play a large role. For example, younger schoolchildren devote a significant part of their time to studying - the decisive factor here will be grades and entries in the diary.

This process includes 4 stages:

  1. From birth to one and a half years - in psychology it is also called procedural-situational. The child does not see the connection between his own actions and characteristics. There is a tendency for bias in assessment, since this is based on external performance results. The latter are often determined not by the child’s actual capabilities, but by simple chance. The child acquires a sense of trust in the world and a positive attitude towards the world.
  2. From one and a half to 3-4 years - the stage is called qualitative-situational. Self-awareness occurs, a sense of autonomy/dependence on the adult’s reactions to one’s own actions develops. A connection is established between quality and action.
  3. 4 – 6 years – scientific name – qualitatively conservative. The stage is typical for the child to develop an understanding of what kind of person he will become. Depending on the situation in the family, the girl/boy develops a feeling of initiative or a feeling of guilt - the most powerful negative impact is exerted by strict control and the presentation of many demands.
  4. 6 – 14 years or qualitative-dynamic period. Self-analysis becomes objective, but at the same time it is dynamic. A sense of hard work develops. The danger is the inability or inability to perform certain tasks - this contributes to a lower self-esteem.

All four periods are interconnected. Each of them arises on the foundation of the previous one. Earlier levels build up later ones - this is what explains the complex nature of their functioning.

Formation of student self-esteem

Subjective self-esteem has a significant impact on the effectiveness of various types of activities and the development of an individual’s personality in all periods of its formation. Adequate self-esteem gives an individual self-confidence, helps to correctly set goals and successfully achieve them in various areas of life, gives the necessary personal qualities, such as initiative, activity, enterprise, activity, and the ability to adapt.

At a certain age stage, the development of self-esteem is predominantly influenced by the type of activity that is leading during this period. The leading activity of primary school students is educational activity. The formation of the baby’s self-esteem mainly depends on how it goes. The success of educational activities is directly related to his success in learning and academic performance.

The formation of students' self-esteem is the main new development of personality. The assessment activities of teachers are the basis for developing self-esteem in children studying in primary school. The development of student self-esteem continues to develop when the teacher shows a positive attitude towards students, believes in their capabilities, and demonstrates a desire to help them learn. And the methodological side of the development of adequate self-esteem comes down to the use in educational activities, mainly, of subjective standards, which create precedents for students’ reflective assessment of their actions.

To develop adequate self-esteem in younger schoolchildren, a teacher must use various mechanisms and methods. The main way is feedback. All looks, gestures, words, movements, and intonations directed to the baby are feedback. It must be taken into account that the child absorbs and appropriates such feedback. With their help, he forms his self-esteem. And if the feedback has a positive direction, then it will ensure the development of a high level of self-esteem and, conversely, if it has a negative direction, it will ensure the development of a low level.

Create a daily intention

Once you've figured out what habits and attitudes you'd like to adopt or change, it's helpful to create daily intentions. To do this, it is enough to choose an aspiration in the morning that will bring you closer to the desired result. For example: “Love myself, even if I’m lazy”, “Be more patient with yourself and others”, “Don’t be afraid of change” and so on.

Once you have chosen an intention, write it down somewhere and re-read it throughout the day. Over time, you will develop the desired qualities in yourself.

What influences the formation of self-esteem

Self-esteem is developed in a person from early childhood.

  • It matters how parents show their love for their child
    . If love is unconditional and does not depend on good behavior, such a child will grow up with normal or high self-esteem. When he understands that he will be loved only for something (put away toys, got an excellent mark, took out the trash), then in adulthood the person will believe that he cannot be loved just like that, and a good attitude must be earned.
  • The attitude of parents towards the successes and failures of the child plays a big role
    . Parents’ value judgments such as “You can handle this”, “Such a smart kid will definitely do it” have a positive role in the formation of self-esteem.

Accordingly, statements in the spirit of: “They don’t ask you”, “You understand a lot”, “Well, as always, you are armless” for many years lay in a person the attitude that he is “bad”, good for nothing, stupid, incompetent, etc.

Self-esteem can decline already in adulthood. For example, a person tries to build a career, works a lot, improves his qualifications, but career growth does not occur. The individual begins to doubt his abilities. If self-esteem was initially normal, the reason for the failure will be found. Low self-esteem can drop even lower.

Women are often deliberately devalued by men with whom they are in intimate relationships. A complex partner deliberately humiliates his wife or girlfriend in order to be able to impose his will on her. The woman begins to be perplexed and analyze what is wrong with her. If her parents instill self-respect and love, then the girl will break up with a toxic partner; if not, she will suffer and prove her need to an unsuitable man.

Exploring your history

Comparing ourselves with others is in our nature. Social media has made this task easier: people post the best things in their lives, and it can often feel like your reality is much duller.

To get rid of this feeling, it is useful to write your story. This can be done on paper or digitally. Starting from the day you were born, remember and write down the important moments in your life. Those that are dear to you personally, and not those that would impress other people.

Maybe your first slow dance was a real event for you, or you remember your acquaintance with the work of your favorite writer. Add in difficult decisions - these are also important milestones. For example, leaving an unloved job or moving.

Refer to this chronology every time you start to feel like nothing interesting is happening in your life. You will see that you have been through a lot and this will increase your self-esteem.

Methods and tests for personality self-esteem

Many techniques are used to diagnose self-assessment. Let's highlight the main ones:

  • Dembo-Rubinstein technique. Three settings are significant in it: realism, height, stability. During diagnosis, the subject determines his condition using selectable scales, taking into account some nuances. The research is simple to perform: a table is drawn on a regular sheet, each of its columns is one of the properties, and its position is the content of the property at the moment. At the bottom are the values ​​that the subject is trying to get rid of, at the top are those that he wants to possess. This test must be performed in combination with a subsequent interview.
  • Budassi personality self-assessment technique. It analyzes the parameter quantitatively and reveals its adequacy. Based on self-assessment. It is carried out by 2 possible methods - it requires comparing ideas with actual indicators or with other people.
  • Cattell test. This questionnaire is the most common diagnostic method that analyzes individual psychological traits. The purpose of the study is to discover 16 personality factors.
  • Leary test. Based on the diagnosis of value judgments in relation to oneself and loved ones, the description of the ideal “I”. Consists of 128 statements revealing 8 types of relationships.
  • Test for the study of G. Eysenck's states. Relevant when identifying traits of aggressiveness, frustration, and rigidity in behavior. Information is presented briefly. The list indicates conditions that may be typical or, on the contrary, not characteristic of the subject.



One of the most famous and adapted diagnostic methods is Dembo-Rubinstein. It was developed in 1962 by T. V. Dembo (American psychologist), and then supplemented in 1970 by S. Ya. Rubinstein (Soviet psychologist).

The psychologist sequentially draws vertical lines on a piece of paper, announcing that these are scales of happiness, character, intelligence and health. The person is given the task of marking himself on them. After that, he is asked to show where, in his opinion, happy people are located on these columns. It is not difficult to guess that those who have low self-esteem put themselves under them; above them - those who are overestimated; somewhere nearby - who has it adequately.

Rubinstein, using a modification of the De Greefe test, supplemented this diagnosis with a children's version. When working with the mind scale, schoolchildren are asked to compare themselves with the teacher and classmates, etc.

Zang scale

The purpose of the technique is to identify the level of self-assessment of anxiety. It was developed by psychotherapist W. Zang at Duke University (North Carolina, USA). The self-esteem scale consists of 20 statements to which you need to give monosyllabic answers:

  • rarely;
  • Sometimes;
  • often;
  • Often.

Before filling out the questionnaire, you are warned that answers must be given based on your own condition over the last 5-6 days.

Next, the psychologist sums up the points and gets the result:

  • up to 44 - normal / corresponds to adequate self-esteem;
  • 45-59 - mild or moderate anxiety / self-esteem requires adjustment, can be either overestimated or underestimated;
  • 60-74 - pronounced or severe anxiety / low self-esteem;
  • 75-80 - extremely severe anxiety disorder / critically low self-esteem, requiring serious intervention from a specialist.

The Zang scale (abbreviated as ZARS - Zung Anxiety Rating Scale) allows you to determine a person’s self-esteem, and not just the degree of his anxiety.

Self-assessment sheets

They are actively used by teachers, together with school psychologists, or administrators. They allow you to identify how students/workers evaluate themselves in the classroom/workplace. Regular tracking of results allows you to determine a person’s level of self-esteem.

Sample self-assessment sheet for a primary school student:

For high school students:

Employees are usually asked to rate on a ten-point scale such indicators as:

  • volume of work tasks completed;
  • the quality of their implementation;
  • competence;
  • independence;
  • desire for self-development and professional development;
  • punctuality, discipline;
  • thrift;
  • reliability;
  • relationships with colleagues;
  • relations with superiors;
  • innovative activity, creativity, creative potential;
  • social work.

Full-time psychologists work with the results of such diagnostic sheets. In clinical and advanced cases, they provide all possible assistance or refer to a more experienced and professional specialist.

Diagnostics is not limited to these methods; there are many more of them. But most often it is test questionnaires (Leary, Rosenberg, Eysenck, Budassi, Cattell, Schur and others) that are used.

Warning. Numerous online tests do not give an accurate idea of ​​the level of self-esteem for various reasons: unknown authorship, inappropriate environment and condition (a psychologist prepares for such a diagnosis), brief and unprofessional interpretation of the results, disposable and entertaining nature. So, if you are interested in this topic, either go for a consultation with a specialized specialist, or look for the author’s famous questionnaires.

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