Active listening: techniques and exercises to develop skills

Active listening methods are designed to improve the perception of spoken speech, allow you to correctly grasp the meaning of what is said, position the interlocutor, and build a dialogue according to your own rules. Often used by psychologists in therapy sessions, sales managers or negotiators.

Active listening.

Active listening - what is it?

When talking to someone, we are often not fully mentally involved in the process. Our brain is busy with abstract processes:

• strong emotional experiences;
• thinking about personal problems;
• subjective assessment of the interlocutor.

These are familiar communication scenarios that seem normal. We listen, but we don't hear! This is how a passive approach to contact with people is expressed, becoming the cause of many difficulties. Active listening is the complete opposite of how you normally communicate. This is a process of conscious interaction in which attention is focused on the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. There are no background noises in the head, and no extraneous processes (for example, assessment of appearance).

We are absorbed in the moment here and now, so we direct the conversation in the necessary direction to obtain a lot of useful information. It will not be distorted by our subjective mental filters. In addition, by learning the technique of active listening, you can send signals of interest to your interlocutor. They will become a strong foundation for fruitful relationships in the future.

Active Listening Technique: Basic Principles

No matter how eloquent the speaker may be, we can only get the most from the information presented if we learn to listen correctly. This is precisely the goal of active listening. The main factors contributing to its development:

1. Accepting the interlocutor as he is. It represents careful control of emotions and subjective assessments, which can greatly interfere with understanding what is heard.
2. Make eye contact at eye level. It consists of resisting the temptation to look at foreign objects or the clothes of the interlocutor. It's better to look into your eyes.
3. Asking questions. It represents an appropriate clarification of meaning, serving as confirmation of sincere interest in the subject of conversation.

The technique of active listening is used in psychology. Psychologists describe it as the perception of information “with the whole body.” Active listening has been scientifically proven to help us better understand people's situations. When communicating with clients, specialists use techniques for participating in dialogue that help more accurately determine their condition. Deep immersion, establishing trust, and analyzing the patient’s condition provide effective assistance. These points explain the second name for active listening - empathic.

Hearing and listening are not the same thing

And it's not just a matter of alternation. Think for a moment and answer the following question honestly. How often during, for example, the last month, when talking with a stranger or someone you barely know, did you pay more attention to what he was saying rather than thinking about your next response? So as not to be deceived, move on - try to remember what exactly he told you. In most cases, this will be quite difficult to do due to the underdeveloped habit of not just listening, but actually hearing the interlocutor.

The realities of the information space are such that technology, which is designed to provide more convenient and widespread contact between people, at the same time is sometimes an obstacle to true understanding. And this, by the way, is the basis of effective communication. The ability to listen is the basis for accurately receiving and interpreting incoming messages and interacting with the interlocutor. Today, many top companies even conduct special trainings for their employees, where they teach listening skills. And this is not an imaginary concern or a senseless waste of money, as it might seem at first glance. Developing this skill allows you to better understand clients and build cooperation more productively, avoid common mistakes and work conflicts, and expand the exchange of information, which promotes creative and innovative work.

For example, a staunch follower of the idea that the main thing for creating effective communication within a company is the ability to listen is the famous businessman Richard Branson. The founder of the Virgin Group corporation has repeatedly stated this in numerous interviews and speeches. Research also confirms this: active listeners have more friends and a developed networking system, they are more self-confident and better protected from the negative effects of stress.

Returning to the stated topic, about and “listen,” despite all the similarity of grammatical structures, are two different concepts. The ability to listen, as a quality necessary for anyone who strives for effective communication, includes both. And how to learn this is described below.

Effective Active Listening Techniques

There are many ways to turn passive listening into active listening. In addition to the above basic factors, there are three more techniques that are also worth familiarizing yourself with. They help you quickly understand the process.

Thus, active listening is a technology that almost always includes two components:

• clarifying the true meaning of the conversation;
• displaying signs confirming the value of dialogue.

Feeling his own importance and genuine interest in the conversation, the interlocutor becomes more open. This contributes to fruitful mutually beneficial communication, the establishment of trust, and strong relationships. Such results are valuable in any area of ​​life (communication with family members and friends, cooperation with partners and colleagues).

A powerful enhancer of all active listening techniques and techniques is empathy. People who know how to feel the state of others are able to quickly establish positive contact and use any techniques appropriately and delicately. Therefore, to increase the effectiveness of using the selected techniques (from the list below), it is important to work on the level of empathy.

Let's take a break

After your opponent has finished his story, you should just remain silent for a couple of minutes. Such a pause will allow you to better digest what you heard and separate emotions from the true subject of the conversation. For the person speaking, such a break will allow him to rest a little, remember something important and say it. Often, using this technique helps him open up even deeper after a short break.

Please clarify

Sometimes the interlocutor misses many important and interesting details in his story. Showing attention to them is a great way to emphasize the value of the information coming from him and his sincere interest in it. Also, this technique of active listening will help avoid omissions and strengthen trusting relationships, forming a complete picture in your imagination on the topic of the conversation.

Developing the idea

Sometimes a person deviates from the essence of the conversation or cannot find the exact words to continue the topic. In this case, the technique of active listening to develop the main idea of ​​​​the conversation will be an excellent assistant. It is necessary to return the speaker to the main thread of the dialogue and delicately develop it with him.

Rapport

This technique involves “attaching” to an opponent through various “channels”: intonation, speech, breathing.

Intonation

The same phrases, spoken with different tones, can convey different meanings. Using this technique, people express certain emotions and states, so it is important to monitor not only what you express, but also how you do it. When establishing contact with a person, this method of identifying with him gives an incredible result. With proper intonation, you can achieve the impression of complete understanding and similarity, which, of course, encourages further interaction.

Represents the speed of speaking, as well as the duration of pauses and hesitations. If you speak too quickly, this indicates internal tension, as well as excitement. If your remarks, on the contrary, are slow and sluggish, this reflects some apathy. However, this speed or slowness also depends on the type of temperament of the individual.

Breath

Breathing mirroring allows you to be on the same “plane” with your interlocutor, and then adjust it to the emotional wave you need. For example, if your friend is irritated and breathes quickly, you can first establish contact by feeling the frequency of the change in inhalation and exhalation and adjusting to it. And after the interaction occurs, try to rebuild it to other emotions, gradually starting to breathe more calmly.

Active Listening Techniques

Active listening techniques are different from techniques. They are based on the development of the skill of understanding the meaning of a conversation deeper than words convey. It was mentioned above that the ability to empathize plays a huge role in the successful implementation of active listening and argumentation techniques. It is this that underlies modern methods, manifesting itself at three basic levels:

1. Empathy. It consists in the manifestation of the same emotions that possess the opponent. For example, when he cries, the listener also has tears in his eyes.
2. Sympathy. It manifests itself in the form of an offer to help the interlocutor when he finds himself in a difficult situation.
3. Sympathy. Represents a persistent favorable, friendly attitude towards the speaker.

Using methods is a way to penetrate into the inner world of another person, when the conversation is not limited to words. It becomes capacious and informative, but also requires great psycho-emotional costs. Although they fully pay off in the subsequent formation of strong, trusting relationships.

The basic methods of active listening were formulated by the leader and creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rance Rogers. They are as follows:

1. Sincere, deep participation in the inner world of the speaking person.
2. Open expression of feelings.
3. Lack of characteristic roles limited to formal actions.
4. Stable fulfillment of obligations towards the interlocutor.

A special place is given to empathic silence. This method involves no comments to allow the other person to speak from the heart. But silence is accompanied by nonverbal signals that make the interlocutor feel interested in his situation and the person as a whole. They include head shakes, gestures, and facial expressions appropriately used in the communication process.

Exercises to develop active listening skills

To develop this useful skill, pair training is used. One of the participants plays the role of the listener, and the second - the speaker. Then they change places. On average, the duration of the exercises is 30-45 minutes. During this time, the following stages are implemented:

1. During the first 5 minutes, one of the interlocutors talks about personal difficulties, indicating the probable reasons for their occurrence. The partner interacts with him using active listening techniques.
2. A couple of minutes after the first stage are allotted to the speaker’s statements about what specifically in the listener’s behavior helped or hindered him from opening up in the conversation.
3. After this 5 minutes, the person speaking continues to share his thoughts. Now let’s talk about what character traits help him cope with the mentioned difficulties. His partner's task is to continue to use active listening, taking into account the errors identified in the second stage.
4. For the next 5 minutes, the listener summarizes what was understood from the previous two stories of the speaking partner. He only nods to indicate agreement with him or vice versa. When incorrect interpretations are identified, the former listener corrects them in such a way that the interlocutor agrees with him.

The end of the first round of lessons comes after the speaker from the pair can accurately formulate what exactly he was understood correctly, and where there was an erroneous interpretation. After this, the partners change roles.

Reviews and comments

Do you know how to listen to your interlocutor? And is this necessary in general, because if a person wants to convey some information, he will do everything possible to do this. Share your thoughts.

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Examples of active listening in practice

Examples of the use of active listening techniques are everywhere. At work, they are reflected in the form of improved relationships with the team. In the family they help overcome periods of crisis and conflict. Moreover, in any interaction, active listening manifests itself in two planes - non-verbal and verbal. The first involves facial expressions and gestures that make the contact deeper. In the second, these are phrases correctly constructed in accordance with the chosen technique. For example:

1. “What exactly do you mean?”
2. “I understand you perfectly!”
3. “This is really interesting!”