Self-worth and self-esteem are two fundamentally different approaches to self-perception. The first places emphasis on unconditional recognition of the individual as such. This is respect for a person for being a person. The second has the nature of a tool for comparing people. It is recognition of worth based on place in the social system.
Both principles of perception work in our minds, influencing our ability to enjoy life in different ways.
Attention to yourself
A person who is not sure of his own worth has little understanding of what he really wants. As a result, the torment of choice awaits him everywhere, and it is difficult for him to make a decision. And he often finds himself in the position of Buridan’s donkey, who is left with nothing and dies of hunger, standing in front of two equal piles of hay. Also, a person with low self-esteem poorly understands what he really feels and does not recognize signals coming from the body.
All this means that the first step to realizing your own worth is to learn to recognize your desires. You can start with the simplest thing by asking yourself a few questions:
- what foods do I like;
- what films I like to watch;
- what music to listen to;
- what life events bring joy;
- some, on the contrary, deprive you of strength.
It is also useful in a stressful or unpleasant situation to ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now?” This will help to recognize the causes of negative emotions - fear, aggression, anxiety.
When does transformation begin?
While on the spiritual path, we are usually immersed in new information, and this increases the sensitivity of our perception. But no matter how expanded it may become, we look at everything from a fragment of the mirror of personal 3-dimensionality, until we move on to understanding reality not through mental assessments, but through feelings.
Connecting with your Soul is a breakthrough from mental space. This enriches perception, reveals new sides of oneself, leads to a different quality of life, but... self-esteem does not change significantly.
This happens when consciousness “shifts” in a quantum leap and there is a clear knowledge of Who I Am.
For some this happens instantly, for others it happens gradually. But, one way or another, processes begin that affect the entire psyche: all components of the self-image, the entire set of ideas about oneself. This is a whole system of “I”.
It is called
“Self-Concept”,
and self-esteem is its core.
Managing people, manipulating consciousness, which the media, traditions, religions are aimed at, is the art of interfering with the “I-Concept”. This structure is so sacred that it is far from being studied in depth in psychology. At the same time, it is a direction, a compass
in the spiritual path:
the transformation of a person as a unit of God consciousness occurs when changes are made in the “I-Concept”.
What subconscious traps are holding us back that a spiritual seeker needs to overcome?
Psychologists who dare to touch the depths of the “I-Concept” analyze it in different ways. Let's briefly look at it like this:
- The block of self-identity “I” is “I”
- Block “I am like this”
- Block “Me and Others”
- Self-esteem
Overcompensation
Hypercompensation (Greek hyper - over, compensare - to compensate) is a special type of compensation, as a result of which it is possible to occupy a dominant position in relation to others.
A person who is unsure of his worth often resorts to this method. He wants to provide evidence to the whole world in favor of the fact that he is valuable and good. Often, asthenic workers stay up late studying piles of papers, wanting to please their manager and receive long-awaited praise. But all they achieve is to create new problems for themselves. After all, with all the desire, a melancholic person cannot turn into an energetic choleric person. Mental characteristics must be taken into account when drawing up a work and rest schedule. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses.
A person who does not have a sense of self-worth has practically no personal guidelines. He measures his life not by what is valuable and important to him personally, but by what others expect from him. Whether he will get a “pat on the head” from them or not is another question (in reality, it is almost impossible to please everyone; there will always be a detail for which they can “kick”). The root of all the troubles of those who have chosen the strategy of overcompensation is that the assessment of others becomes his main life guide. But this is a real dead end. After all, others cannot know what is good for a person and what is not. They live by their value system. If it is beneficial for the boss that their employee stays late without additional pay, he will always be in favor; he is unlikely to be concerned about the health of his subordinate.
Definition of the concept
Self-worth is the phenomenon of a person’s complete acceptance of himself, characterized by a sense of his own harmony and integrity, self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.
Why is it needed?
It is much easier for a person who has the intrinsic value of communication and personality to live in this world: he does not become despondent from criticism from the outside, does not try at all costs to prove his point of view, and does not expect anything from others. He is full, confident in himself and his strengths, accepts himself for who he is and is ready to share his inner harmony with loved ones.
System of values
People who are not aware of their value have a very vague value. The first thing to do is to explore what is truly important to you, developing your worldview. Try to determine what is acceptable for you and what is not. Of course, this in no way means that you need to try to teach life to everyone you meet.
Developing your own value system will help you build your spiritual core and find your own support in life. You will be able to understand what to focus on when choosing friends, which wife (or which husband) will suit you, which decisions on the path of life will be correct.
Self-identity block: “I” is “I”
Why does the search for an answer to the question “Who am I” usually last for many years? Because of our strong identification of ourselves with the image that the mind has created. The destruction of these ideas is a shaking of the foundation on which we stand, the death of what we consider ourselves to be. And to prevent this from happening, we are tightly locked into a trap - supposedly protection: we identify ourselves with the assessments that our mind gives.
This is how the mechanism of the false “I” is born
- the ego,
which keeps us in the 3-dimensional mental world. This is the separation of oneself from the Creator, the perception of Life as a battle for survival, the fear of not having something, and having acquired something, of losing it; a struggle of extremes, all kinds of confrontations.
All this strengthens the ego in the “I” block.
And so we are designed that every second consciousness turns off for a moment in order to confirm that I am me, this subject,
it is the body and self-image. And on this self-identity, on this something taken for granted, a huge amount of psychological effort and energy is spent.
What gives you a sense of self-worth
Self-worth is a person’s ability to accept and respect himself, regardless of what mistakes he has made or what successes he has (not) achieved. One who has this quality loves himself regardless of all conditions and reservations.
When a person with low self-esteem learns to accept himself, to rejoice simply in the fact that he exists in this world, he finds inner peace. Stress and tension gradually go away, and in return there is a desire to pursue your interests and hobbies. If you take your time and periodically allow yourself to feel this state of total self-acceptance, ways out of situations that previously seemed hopeless will appear. It becomes easier to concentrate on your needs - finally go to the doctor or to the gym, discuss an important topic with your loved one, relieve yourself a little from work.
Self-esteem structure
The self-esteem of a man and a woman consists of several components.
Cognitive component
Self-esteem in psychology includes a cognitive component. These are a person’s beliefs, his way of navigating the world, his breadth of judgment, and his ability to express an opinion about himself. With the help of this component, a person displays what he knows about himself.
Emotional component
This term denotes the emotions that a person experiences towards evaluative characteristics and feelings about this. This component reflects the individual's attitude towards himself.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
By assessing one’s own skills and qualities, a person combines both components of self-esteem; it is impossible to separate them from each other. A person gains individual knowledge about himself during communication with others, then emotions appear depending on how much this communication means for the individual.
Each person's components are formed differently. Psychologists say that they can be developed by:
- High level. The child forms an opinion about himself based on his real qualities.
- Average The average level is characterized by a tendency to inconsistent manifestations of realistic self-esteem. A person is guided in this by the opinions of others, analyzes specific facts and situations.
- Low. This condition is accompanied by an inadequate assessment of the individual’s abilities.
Unstable parameters of self-esteem lead to disruption of self-government and deterioration of self-control.
Self-esteem is formed between the ages of 5 and 9 years. First she is influenced by her parents, later by teachers at school. But in later life, being under the influence of society, the desire for the better, current events, and the attitudes of others, she may fluctuate.
This is noticeable in communication processes; a person cannot establish contact with others and often provokes conflicts.
Self-criticism and getting rid of uncertainty
In the process of gaining a sense of self-worth, sometimes a twinge of irrational fear can come in - what if I become lazy and complacent and can’t achieve anything with this approach? It’s much easier to beat yourself up, forcing you to do more and more (even if work has not been fun for a long time). However, such self-sabotage is only evidence of what exactly were the expectations from a person in childhood, in his parental family.
By the way, those who cope with self-doubt begin to seem very “uncomfortable” to the people around them. The person who has learned to value himself, to listen to his desires and needs, will no longer fly at the first call to babysit a friend’s child, or stay until midnight to write an annual report. He will be able to answer with dignity: “Thank you, but no.” This will be his reaction to other people’s goals that are trying to impose on him from the outside.
The famous psychologist Virginia Satir wrote that a person who knows how to accept and love himself creates a very special atmosphere of warmth and compassion around himself. He feels important and valuable, knowing that he is making a meaningful contribution to the world with his presence. The psychologist emphasizes that such people are not ashamed to ask others if they need something. But in a difficult situation, they are able to make decisions on their own - those that seem right to them correspond to their philosophy of life.
Realizing his own self-worth, a person gets the opportunity to value others. He lives by the rules that he sets himself. And which do not contradict his inner experiences, feelings, values. At the same time, a confident person does not follow emotions. He knows how to choose.
Exercises that can help you increase your self-worth
- Forgiveness. This is the simplest exercise. Take a notebook or notepad and write: “I forgive myself for...” Continue this phrase ten times. Start listing all the things that make you angry or sad about yourself. No matter how terrible your shortcomings may seem to you, you deserve to be fully accepted. After about a week, the pronoun “I” can be replaced with the names of those people who cause anger or irritation. Try to find the positives in people you don't like. In addition to the fact that this way you can quickly learn to objectively assess reality, this way you can more easily and quickly learn to find positive aspects in life. Psychologists advise doing this exercise every day for 1-1.5 months.
- Praise. You shouldn't spend a day without praising yourself. Let it be even the smallest thing - for example, a fed stray dog, or a bargain purchase. Some people like to make excuses - they say, I can’t praise myself to no avail, I haven’t done anything good. However, this is false modesty. This is largely a property of a lazy mind, the inability to find good in the world and in oneself. Therefore, you need to learn to praise yourself on a regular basis.
- Searching for the positive. In many ways, this exercise is similar to the previous ones. Its meaning is that you need to learn to find positive things in the outside world. During each day, you need to discover several times more positive moments for yourself than unpleasant ones - from the lack of a line at the store to good weather. For those who are depressed, psychologists recommend collecting at least 15 positive moments every day.
- Psychological work with your “shadow”. “Shadow” is a concept that was first introduced by C. G. Jung. It includes those things that a person most strives to deny: “I would never say/act like that in my life.” The moment you say these words, notice how much emotional energy is hidden behind them. To complete the exercise, you need to write down in the form of a list everything that causes irritation, anger, and rejection in other people. Try to create a complete image, write a letter on his behalf. What would this image like to change in the world around him, what does he want to achieve, what does he dream about? Think about how easy it is for this character to exist as “The Shadow.”
- "The good and the bad." This exercise continues the previous one. It also helps to become more objective in assessing reality, to learn to perceive it without judgment. First you need to choose those qualities and life events that cause you rejection and protest. You can start with minor ones, gradually approaching larger ones. Then you need to find three reasons why these qualities are really bad; and three proofs that they can be useful to a person. Try to imagine situations in which these characteristics could be beneficial. And also those in which these qualities are better replaced by others, more adequate to reality. Then you need to do the same with events - give three arguments in favor of the fact that they are bad, and three arguments in favor of their acceptability and necessity.
Bye everyone. Best regards, Vyacheslav.
Self-Esteem Functions
In psychology, self-esteem is considered an important component of personality, which has a number of functions.
Regulatory
Ensures that a person performs tasks and makes decisions.
It evaluates, provides protection, and stimulates the achievement of goals.
Protective
It allows the individual to become independent and develop relative stability.
Developmental
A person strives to improve his skills and abilities and is constantly developing.
Reflective
Self-esteem shows a person’s awareness of his actions and traits.
Emotional
Provides a feeling of satisfaction with one's life, qualities and characteristics.
Adaptive
Self-esteem will allow a person to adapt to society and the world around him.
Prognostic
Thanks to this function, human activity is regulated at the beginning of his activity.
Corrective
Allows you to provide control during life.
Retrospective
A person evaluates his behavior and work at the final stage of his journey.
Motivating
It encourages a person to act in order to achieve approval and receive positive self-esteem reactions in the form of satisfaction, pride in oneself, self-esteem, and improved self-perception.
Terminal
If certain actions provoke criticism and develop a person's feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, in this situation he stops his activities.
Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .
Self-awareness is stable and retains its characteristics regardless of the influence of external stimuli.
Self-confidence and personality perception depend on what aspirations a person has and how reality matches them.
The face as it was before birth
Once upon a time, the sixth Patriarch of Zen gave his famous advice to a student: stop praying and meditating and see what his face looks like at that moment. He had it like this before he was born, and even before the birth of his parents.
They say this led the young monk to enlightenment.
While on the spiritual path, at some point, unexpectedly, something inside breaks through the boundaries of the body. And you suddenly feel like a pure, transparent, boundless being. There is no sensation of the body, no thoughts, but there is a primordial “face” devoid of all features, which the Zen Master spoke about. It cannot be described or characterized in any way, it is NOTHING. And the most amazing thing is that this NOTHING paradoxically, miraculously fills
you with Peace and Bliss. This experience is a real shock.
Of course, this is a gift from Heaven, and it is the answer to our uncompromising, unwavering aspiration to know Who we Are. And then this state automatically returns when thinking is turned off and consciousness is at the point of the present.
Now in “I – Concept” there is a block “I”
really affected: I have a body, personality, thoughts and emotions, but I am SOMETHING completely different. It's a different feeling.
However, to feel THIS does not mean to BECOME IT: consciousness cannot instantly change self-identity. He needs time to get used to new things, and this process goes differently for everyone.
And then it turns out that we don’t even need to renounce the mental “I”: it simply doesn’t exist, and we identified ourselves with the illusion. And now the being who has always existed has awakened, and he has a different self - I-Am.
Try not to lose the sense of Self, penetrate into its depths. Reflect whether your words and actions come from it or from the ego.
