How to increase a woman's self-esteem: 15 effective tips

Most women consider their mistakes to be purely personal, and make excuses for even minor ones. Have you noticed how often women apologize?

Do men say “sorry” as often when they play sports? Do they apologize for every missed moment or mistake? Of course, we can't say for sure, but women probably do it more often. This is not a stereotype, but rather a pattern - women apparently struggle with the tendency to over-apologize. And perhaps this has to do with self-esteem .

We are not born with it. She is fickle. Talking about her won't change anything. Yes, yes, it's all about self-confidence . It is especially difficult for women to cultivate this in themselves. We instinctively focus on everyone but ourselves. Therefore, spending time on self-development is not natural for us.

Girls are often encouraged to be modest, indecisive and unsure of themselves. After all, we shouldn't threaten these guys!

We turn on the TV or read the newspaper and we are bombarded with examples of confident women. They have some kind of arrogance that we don’t think we have. Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Sandra Day O'Connor and Madame Curie are just a few.

So how did these women develop the self-confidence needed to push their limits? How do they not give up, even at the risk of public shame and humiliation? If you were to ask them, their formula for self-confidence would probably consist of the following:

Signs of low self-esteem

Women's self-esteem includes an internal feeling of significance and attractiveness to the opposite sex. If she is full-fledged, the girl easily accepts compliments, gifts, and signs of attention. With a decrease in self-esteem, a feeling of unworthiness of such privileges appears. At the moment of receiving a minimal present or pleasant words addressed to her, the girl blushes and is embarrassed.

Signs of low self-esteem are:

Inability to choose a normal partner. An inner voice literally whispers - there will be no other chance.
Inability to clearly and radically express desires. Women do what others say, follow the lead, not paying attention to their own opinion, because they consider it less valuable and significant.
Constant comparison with others, especially women. In terms of inequality, they occupy absolutely no leading positions on all counts. Girls often think that their friends are more beautiful, smarter, and more successful.
Lack of respect from your inner circle. If a person does not love himself, then others are happy to express dissatisfaction for any reason, be rude, insult.
Fear of being judged by others. Only strong people can not react to barbs and reproaches directed at them. They are completely indifferent to what others think; they live for pleasure.
Passion for self-criticism. They always try to consider the behavior in the situation that happened and find mistakes.
The belief that a man's love and attention must be earned.
Painful reaction to criticism. Any, even reasoned, reproaches lead to hysteria.
Claims about one's own appearance. Girls constantly don’t like their weight, the condition of their skin, hair and nails.

It is impossible to understand how to love yourself and increase self-esteem without analyzing the reasons for their occurrence. Only when a trigger is discovered that provoked the current circumstances, will it be possible to eliminate the problem.

Women with low self-esteem - what kind of men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life because they “know their place.” However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her and does not look at anyone else. And even if she does look, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to measure up. And so he is forgiven a lot - pettiness, rudeness, and sloppiness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.

A woman with low self-esteem is treated negatively not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.

They are especially easy to manipulate by instilling in them a feeling of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a combination of factors, the ability to sensibly assess one’s place in society. Its formation begins in early childhood under the influence of the family. The behavior of the father and mother determines whether the child will become successful or whether he will doubt his own abilities. The cause of trauma, which influences subsequent formation, is constant conversations in an orderly manner, shouting, scandals, comparisons with others. The danger is that the pressure comes from the closest people, direct suggestion occurs. According to a study conducted by University of Denver psychologist Susan Harter, the self-esteem of girls from 12 to 17, who previously felt the support of parents and friends in expressing their point of view, turned out to be higher.

There are three main factors that lead to a decrease in self-esteem:

Failures in childhood. A child who has the makings of a perfectionist by nature does not receive first place in sports or scientific Olympiads. A loser complex is formed when relatives have an additional effect on a labile psyche.
Inability to set goals. The lack of fulfillment of one’s own desires forces a person to be content with little, and then the interest in acting completely fades away.
Atypical appearance. The problem often begins in childhood or adolescence, when classmates and acquaintances reproach the child for freckles, red hair, or wearing glasses. Parents are obliged to teach their child to stop attempts at humiliation. He must understand that for relatives he is the most beautiful; the opinions of strangers should not be taken into account in this matter.

Self-dislike cannot be ignored; it often becomes the cause of serious mental changes. A person who received emotional trauma in childhood will not outgrow it. A girl who perceives herself as ugly, being a woman, will begin to think the same.

Autonomy

The first component is autonomy . Usually a girl knows everything about herself: who she is, what she can do, what kind of specialist she is, she knows her desires and goals. And even if the world, friends, colleagues and relatives turn 180 degrees away from her, she is always confident in her position in life. Autonomous self-esteem does not depend on critics, advisers, other people's experience, or any external stimuli.

Examples

Wrong:

Mom, dad, I want to fly to Paris with my friends for the weekend.
Oh no, what are you talking about! This is an unknown country. You will get lost there/your money will be stolen/you will be attacked by aliens.
Well, yes. Then I won't fly to Paris.

Right:

Mom, dad, I'm still flying to Paris. I have great friends. I know the language well, I know how to approach people. I know I can.

Adequacy

How to increase a girl's self-esteem and self-confidence? Your self-esteem must be adequate . You must evaluate yourself the way the world around you evaluates you.

If you dream of singing, but one of your friends told you not to do it, then don’t stop, this is just one opinion. But if a large group of authoritative people who understand music tell you something like this, then you should think about it. There is a possibility that your self-esteem is inadequate. And maybe you need to discover some other talent in yourself.

Although... This didn’t stop Olechka Buzova. And the girl rushes ahead. By the way, she is a good example of high self-esteem. A girl who has raised her importance and is making millions from it.

Never criticize yourself out loud in front of other people. There is a high probability of convincing them of this.

There is such a misconception among people: they think that their self-esteem will increase only when they lose weight, when they receive an Oscar or become a top manager at Gazprom.

It's a delusion. You need to have adequate self-esteem here and now. It grows from within. And only to such people who know their importance, what they ask for comes.‼

Consequences of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem has a direct effect on a person’s destiny, changing it for the worse. Such people do not know how to properly build friendly and loving relationships. They underestimate their strength and do not take advantage of the chances and opportunities provided. Freedom of choice is constantly limited due to the fear of making a mistake or making a rash decision. Everything does not go as destined by fate, along the path of least resistance. Despite her strengths and desires, a woman chooses the easiest path and does not consider it advisable to overcome the difficult one.

Such people cannot live a full life and feel overwhelmed and depressed. All ideas seem unpromising; there is fear that does not allow one to achieve new heights. Women rarely make their own decisions, as they are dependent on the opinions and behavior of others and try to please everyone. The consequence of this behavior is to live life to please others.

Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a unique form of passive aggression Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Someone says: “I don’t want to!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal out loud, and then it sounds: “I can’t, I’m just small and weak.” Not believing in yourself is often just a way to justify one’s own inaction and to place responsibility on others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem can only be cured by action. Action (even through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased confidence in yourself and your abilities. This is the most effective cure for self-dislike.

Accept yourself as you are

Accepting your shortcomings helps increase self-esteem and develop self-confidence. Everyone has imperfections, but they should not be a reason for self-consuming criticism. Any imperfections can be eradicated.

Remember, the brain spends a lot of resources on self-destruction. The main thing is to realize that all the difficulties that arise along the way are surmountable obstacles that must be fought. Achieving goals, even the smallest ones, is the first step towards excellence. Positive changes in life will become obvious from the first days of working on yourself. You don’t have to make any special efforts, just close your eyes to what used to irritate you and learn to fight back against offenders.

Simple techniques to increase self-esteem

Self-esteem can and should be increased. Undoubtedly, you will have to fight hard with yourself, but the game is worth the candle. Adequate self-esteem makes a woman happier, more positive and self-confident. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Find the cause of the problem

Low self-esteem is not determined at the genetic level; its development occurs under the influence of external factors. First of all, you need to determine the root of the problem. Be that as it may, further work on yourself will be much more effective if you visualize the problem of self-doubt.

Stop criticizing yourself

Every person has the right to make a mistake, and there is no need to reproach yourself for any mistake.

By stopping to criticize yourself, you will get several advantages at once:

the energy that was wasted on self-criticism will be released;
you will be able to accept yourself and throw all your strength into achieving your goals;
strong personality traits are activated.

By approaching your failures creatively, you will learn to benefit from them and sometimes turn a mistake to your advantage. In addition to self-criticism, it is very important to be able to respond correctly to criticism from others.

Praise yourself more often

Get into the good habit of praising yourself for small successes. Celebrate each of your victories and analyze what character trait enabled you to achieve this. Thanks to this method, you can acquire adequate self-esteem and develop useful qualities with which you can achieve success.

Learn to refuse

Reliability and low self-esteem have a cause-and-effect relationship. It is necessary to learn to refuse individuals who put their own interests above the interests of others. By learning to firmly say “No!”, you will automatically increase your self-esteem. You will begin to respect yourself and learn to defend your boundaries, which is the basis of a harmonious personality. You can even enroll in courses that teach this.

Create a positive environment around yourself

It’s not without reason that psychologists advise avoiding communication with negative people. They are able to notice the most unpleasant little thing and will certainly remind you of it. Try to make sure that there are only positive people around you who see only good things. Of course, it will not always be possible to adhere to this advice, since a family member may turn out to be a transmitter of negativity. In this case, you need to regularly say that you do not want negativity in your relationship. Tell people things they might not like. Under no circumstances should such things be hushed up.

Play sports

You don't have to spend every evening doing grueling workouts in the gym. Make it a habit to go for a walk or exercise every evening. Don't be afraid to spend time doing physical exercise. Every woman who makes it a rule to devote time to jogging will quickly notice that she has surprisingly more free time. The fact is that sports activities give a powerful energy boost, and things get done faster.

Leave your comfort zone

Under the burden of problems, women begin to become dependent on their own weaknesses, which give them a feeling of comfort. Junk food, alcohol, smoking and other ways to console yourself help you close yourself off from external problems in your own cozy world. Only problems accumulate instead of being solved. On a subconscious level, she understands that she has closed herself off from reality, so her self-esteem decreases at the speed of light. And there is only one method that can effectively and quickly improve it - leave your comfort zone and embrace problem solving.

Use Affirmations

In psychology, there are exercises that can increase self-esteem even for a woman who considers herself a complete loser - these are positive affirmations. These are short phrases that contain positive attitudes. They can be found both in audio recordings and in text versions. They need to be listened to, read aloud, learned by heart. Such attitudes need to be remembered in difficult life situations. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Find your strengths and develop them

To increase self-esteem, a girl should identify her strengths. According to the modern VIA classification there are 6 of them:

Wisdom, knowledge. Characteristic of inquisitive people who are able to think broadly. Doing what you love and devoting time to study helps develop quality. Strengths: creativity, originality, inventiveness, ability to think rationally.
Courage. Man is characterized by courage, fearlessness, perseverance, perseverance, and diligence. People need to live their lives to the fullest in order to expend all their energy.
Love, humanity. The main features are kindness and generosity, the ability to show feelings and care. It is necessary to find a worthy partner and value close relationships.
Justice. A person endowed with this quality has a clear civic position and knows how to work independently and in a team. He can increase his self-esteem for free without a psychologist, accumulate enough courage and develop leadership qualities. With a mindset like this, it's easy.
Moderation. It is a strong character trait. Its owners are endowed with the ability to self-regulate, the ability to control emotions, be prudent, and careful. You can easily smooth out any conflict, the main thing is to use all your charm, temperament, and sense of humor.
Transcendence. The strength of people lies in beauty, they know how to appreciate and create beauty. The credo of life should be optimism and positivity.

A person does not have only one strength, which is why psychologists recommend developing everything. Try to find something you love. When performing it, relax your soul and body, fill yourself with a positive charge. Regular practice will build self-confidence. Understand that you will not change on the outside. Appearance is a shell, beauty can be found inside and loved.

Challenge your inner rock star

Albert Einstein said: “We are all geniuses.” But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.”

Each of us is unique . And we all have different skills and inclinations. Someone may be a brilliant musician, but he completely lacks the makings of a cook.

No single quality can fully describe you. Recognize your strengths and use them to boost your confidence and rid yourself of negative thoughts.

Psychotherapist and certified sexologist Christy Overstreet advises asking yourself the following questions: Was there a time in your life when your self-esteem was high? What were you doing at this stage of life? If you find it difficult to recognize your unique qualities on your own, ask a friend to help.

Sometimes it is easier for others to see you than for you to see yourself.

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Change your job if you are constantly criticized

Excessive focus on work leads to serious emotional stress and emotional burnout. A man or woman will not be able to increase their self-esteem under such pressure. The most important thing is that the entire recovery should proceed calmly. If your actions and behavior are always criticized by your boss or colleagues, it’s easier to change the team and position yourself there in a new way. Remember, for your friends you have read a book. The more contacts you have with new people, the faster your confidence develops.

Change your story

Everyone has a certain story that they have created about themselves, which shapes our worldview and self-awareness is based on it. In order to change this story, we must understand where it comes from and where we got the information we tell ourselves.

Whose voices do we hear?

Sometimes negative thoughts like “You're not like that” or “You're lazy” can be heard in your head so often that you become hostage to them.

To avoid this, start with affirmations. Why do you love yourself? Repeat this mentally every day.

Thomas Boyce, Ph.D., supports the use of affirmations. Research by Boyce and colleagues has shown that regularity in positive statements (for example, writing down as many different positive things about yourself as possible in a minute) can reduce depressive symptoms as measured by self-report using the Beck Depression Inventory. The more positives you have, the higher your level of progress.

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Develop tenacity and perseverance

Tenacity and perseverance are the main strong-willed personal qualities that help achieve heights in different areas of life. The absence of such character traits is reflected in behavior. A person does not achieve results because he immediately thinks about the failure of the idea. He loses money, necessary connections, self-confidence. Then the problem gets worse, it becomes harder for a woman to implement her ideas.

The most important thing is to detect the problem in time and take measures to eliminate it. It is enough to set the smallest goal. For a girl, a desire may be to lose weight. During the week, you will have to tune in to a positive outcome of the event and make every effort to make your desire come true. If you are sure that you can cope with more serious tasks, try it, but psychologists advise starting small so that the action is accompanied by pleasure.

How to learn to value, love and respect yourself

Each person is individual and unique. Each of them has their own perception of the world, which is beautiful in its own way. To raise a woman’s self-esteem, psychologists advise writing down on paper every day what you consider to be the best things about yourself. The list can be supplemented with character traits, professional achievements or attractive appearance features.

It will be useful to ask your loved ones under what circumstances they would ask you for help as a specialist. This will significantly improve your opinion of yourself.

Goals help improve self-esteem

The goal in the desire to love should become a kind of beacon. A person will walk in her direction. Psychologists advise choosing a main goal and identifying intermediate ones that will be on the way to its implementation. Milestones will be an occasion for small joys. By achieving a goal, women gain self-confidence, and this is a concomitant factor for raising self-esteem. This approach will help you begin to appreciate and understand the significance of actions and the possibility of their implementation.

Self-confidence when communicating with men

How to increase self-esteem for a child - what affects self-confidence

If a girl has difficulty communicating with men, then she needs to start taking small steps. For such a woman, every action is a success. Even if she has difficulty finding words, shakes all over and says absurd things, the very fact that she came up is already valuable. You can add it to your achievement diary.

Optimistic girl

Important! Autogenic training is a very effective technique for increasing self-confidence. First, it stabilizes the mind. Secondly, in a state of relaxation, any attitudes are much easier to instill. The state in which a person is during auto-training resembles a light hypnotic trance.

Play sports: watch your figure

How good a person looks depends on how he feels about himself. Regular exercise does not just keep you in shape, it increases self-esteem. A girl who notices how her curves become more attractive will be able to more easily accept her flaws. Grueling hours of training are completely unnecessary. Exercise should be enjoyable, so even simple jogging or evening walks in the park will be useful.

Learn to forgive

Is there someone in your life that you haven't forgiven? Former partner? Family member? You yourself? When we hold on to feelings of bitterness or resentment, we become fixated on the negative.

Schiraldi argues that forgiving yourself and others increases self-esteem. Most likely, this is due to our innate natural love and helps us accept people for who they are. He refers to Buddhist wisdom -

“If I have in any way harmed anyone, knowingly or unknowingly, through my own misconceptions, I ask their forgiveness.

If anyone has caused me any harm, knowingly or unknowingly, due to their own mistakes, I forgive them.

And if there is a situation that I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for it.”

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Don't compare yourself to others

The habit of comparing oneself with other people is always instilled by parents in a child in childhood. As it develops, it is often not eradicated, but is carried into adulthood. Often girls compare themselves with their friend, consider her the luckiest, most beautiful, and smartest.

The habit, according to psychologists, is quite harmful; without working through it, it is impossible to cultivate self-love. A person must understand that all comparisons are absolutely meaningless in life. Each person is unique, holistic, beautiful, smart.

Remember that you are not your circumstances.

Distinguishing between circumstances and who you are is the foundation of self-esteem. Schiraldi believes that recognizing your inner worth and loving your imperfections provide a strong foundation for growth. With this security, one is free to grow with enjoyment rather than fear failure, because failure does not change the core value.

We are all born with limitless potential and we all have the same value. That we are something less is a misconception that we have become accustomed to over time. Therefore, with hard work and self-respect, negative thoughts and beliefs will simply disappear.

Following the steps above is the start of your journey to healthy self-esteem, or as Schiraldi says, “recognizing your self-worth.” After all, it already exists in every person.”

Don't be afraid to see a psychologist

Often women are simply afraid to turn to a psychologist; they believe that a specialist only works with people who have serious disorders. No, the doctor helps to find the trigger that caused the problem. Already during the first session, the causes of uncertainty will be established and methods for its correction will be outlined.

Much in solving the problem depends on the patient himself. He must prepare himself for a frank conversation, be ready to talk about his childhood and youth, and current life circumstances. With coordinated interaction, the outcome of the correction will be successful.

Looking for reasons

Before we tell you how to raise a girl’s self-esteem, it is important to identify the causes of this condition. What led to the fact that you are forced to fight with yourself every day and overpower yourself?

Everything comes from childhood

This is such a hackneyed phrase that many do not pay attention to it and ignore it. Despite all its intrusiveness, in most cases all problems come from childhood.

If you had a happy childhood and you think that your problem definitely does not lie in your family, then just skip this point.

It is impossible to identify one reason for all, so we tried to collect some phrases that could be heard in one interpretation or another from the lips of your relatives:

What a pest you are! You broke the TV/iron/don’t put toys back/don’t clean up after yourself, etc.
Oh, you'll never be able to lose weight! No one in our family has ever lost weight. It's all genes.
Look how well Yegor does it, and you have... hook hands.
Well, what do you have there? Drawing? Yes, some little scribbles, stay. Not up to you now.
There’s no need to go there, don’t even think about it. Pirates will pick you up and take you to the Caribbean!
Well, the standard: “But the son of my mother’s friend is already sitting in the government and making laws. What have you achieved, level 80 elf? But Natasha, Aunt Lyuba’s daughter, has already gotten married, given birth to triplets and has taken out a mortgage on her apartment. Well, it’s true that I’ve already divorced, but that’s not that important.”

All of this can also include hypo- and hyper-custody, when a child runs around on his own or a parent is too protective of his child.

The tomatoes have wilted

Quite often, the reason for low self-esteem is our dearest and closest (once) person. If you start a relationship with an unconscious and unfulfilled person in life, then he will throw out all his mistakes on you.

Your shortcomings bother you because you attach excessive importance to them.

As soon as his fantasies, which he created in his head, do not coincide with reality and with your behavior, he will immediately be dissatisfied. Your partner will label you as something different. This gives rise to a huge number of complexes, because you understand that your dearest person is telling you this.

Have a nice day, everyone

Social networks and #luxurylife are now the main factors that can significantly reduce a person’s self-esteem. You get up in the morning, scroll through your feed and see that yesterday Lyuska said that she couldn’t lend you 1000 rubles because she doesn’t have any money herself.

And today she has already posted photos from Cyprus, where she wishes everyone #GM . And many people who have some merits rate themselves very low.

Factors influencing the formation of one's own self-esteem

Family relationships

Many people know that most complexes follow a person from childhood, and if parents do not notice or even provoke some kind of problem in the child’s self-esteem, then it will probably fully manifest itself in adulthood. If your parents did not give you enough attention and love, but at the same time found the opportunity to criticize and regularly make various demands, then probably now your self-esteem is somewhat low. Also, comparing your child with his friends, in favor of the latter, does not have the best effect. The child gets used to feeling worse than others, and this habit continues into adulthood.

Peer relationships

A very important factor that deserves close attention. If as a child you had any characteristics or talents that were treated with ridicule by your peers, then this is a very serious reason for concern. Due to the disapproving attitude of friends and classmates, it is difficult for a child to accept himself and this feeling of some “wrongness” accompanies him into adulthood. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that if family relationships are good and the child receives an adequate upbringing, then the influence of peers will most likely not affect his future life. If you notice that your children are uncomfortable in the company of their peers, then this is a serious reason to change the environment of your kids, as well as carry out psychological work with them.

First love

Falling in love for the first time - in childhood or adolescence - can also have a big impact on self-esteem. In general, here we can mention relationships with the opposite sex, in general. If a girl was liked by boys, then this would probably have a positive effect on her own self-image. However, if the boys not only did not notice her, but also mocked her, this could negatively affect the formation of female self-esteem. In addition, it also matters what the girl’s first love was - mutual or not. If a crush develops into a romantic relationship, this is a good sign, but if the girl is rejected, this will probably affect her self-esteem.