A person often underestimates his strength in the short term and overestimates it in the long term. The more time an individual spends on achieving a goal, the higher the likelihood of getting what he wants.
Confident man
Self-doubt becomes a frequent obstacle on the way to the goal. It manifests itself at different levels: awareness of one’s desires, actions and analysis of consequences. Only the person who moves towards his goal, despite all obstacles, can get what he wants. How to become a confident man?
Causes
Any effect must have a cause. If a man is unsure of himself, it means that someone inspired him that such behavior is considered normal. Why is a man unsure of himself? Here are the main reasons:
- Parental overprotection. The boy grew up under the strict control of his mother and never made decisions on his own.
- Strict parents. If in childhood a mother scolds a boy for any offense, in adulthood the person will not take the initiative, since he will know that she is punishable.
- Constant criticism. Unfounded criticism from parents and teachers could seriously affect a child's self-esteem, reducing it to zero.
- Narrow social circle. The less a person communicates with people, the less friendly he is. Closed individuals are more likely than others to suffer from low self-esteem.
Causes of self-doubt in men
So, where should you look for the origins of your insecurity?
Upbringing.
Most often, men's lack of self-confidence is precisely the result of upbringing - it comes from childhood. It often forms in preschool age, when parents begin to loudly compare their child with his more skilled peer: “But Petya never gives his mother any trouble!”, “Misha can already count to ten, but you can’t yet!” etc. Such behavior on the part of the father or mother often provides their child with a whole baggage of problems - he gradually develops a loser complex, which he eventually transfers into adolescence, and then into adulthood.
Appearance.
Some men are unhappy with their appearance, and as a result, this develops into serious self-doubt. We can talk about uneven teeth, emerging baldness, body features, or some external defects.
Weak potency.
Weak potency and other problems of a sexual nature are often the cause of self-doubt. The realization that a partner may be seriously dissatisfied unsettles many men.
Goals are too high.
It also happens that a man develops low self-esteem if he sets too high and, at times, simply unattainable goals for himself. Having not achieved the task, he begins to feel dissatisfied, this, of course, lowers his self-confidence.
Attention to appearance
This may surprise some, but insecure men try to look very stylish. A person wants to show his own individuality with his appearance. The person acts like a peacock, which opens its beautiful tail in front of the females.
Men with low self-esteem follow fashion, decorate their bodies with tattoos and have trendy haircuts. External gloss helps them feel important. But behind the outer shell hides an insecure person. A person with high self-esteem will not attach much importance to clothing. He will dress neatly and tastefully, but he will not blindly follow all fashion trends.
Fear of expressing your opinion
The psychology of an insecure man is this: I won’t say anything, no one needs to know what I’m thinking about. Guys with low self-esteem are never the life of the party. They look like gray mice that hide behind the backs of the merry fellows. They often do not have their own opinion. They can think whatever they want, but they will speak out in the way that is customary to do in their society. Such guys will not go against the system and defend their interests. They will accept any development of events, as long as they are not personally touched or forced to change anything or argue with someone.
Sign No. 2: branded watches
Robert Downey Jr.
The main and generally accepted symbol of a man’s wealth is a watch. It is indecent to save on such an accessory, so wealthy men are buying up Swiss watches from Rolex, Tudor, Omega and others en masse. Their cost starts from 150 thousand rubles, but the purchase is worth it - such chronometers will never go out of fashion and will serve for a very long time. And the watch accurately reflects the character of a man.
Find the model that suits you in the STATUS Swiss watch store. Maybe it will be a Breitling with a gold and steel case or a waterproof Longines with a sapphire crystal?
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Closed gestures
The behavior of an insecure man is appropriate. In any society, he will try to isolate himself from people. And since it is not in his power to build physical barriers, the man will fence himself off with gestures.
Taking closed poses, crossing arms and legs, a person will demonstrate uncertainty and tightness with his whole appearance. And if inspiration suddenly hits him and he decides to tell something, then his gestures will be too constrained and angular. The viewer will not be able to notice any broad movements.
How to raise a future man?
Mom loves the child just like that, dad loves him for something. The role of the father in shaping the character of a future man can hardly be overestimated. The image of a strong man with the right to have the last word must be imprinted in the boy’s mind. If a man does not enjoy authority in the family, it is difficult to expect that, as he grows up, the boy will adhere to a different behavior strategy.
In the absence of the father, his role can be replaced by any male authority figure. Grandfather, uncle, teacher or karate section coach... someone is needed from whom the boy can follow an example.
Low self-esteem
It is not surprising that an insecure person will have low self-esteem. He is too modest and shy. He is afraid to talk to a stranger, even if he needs to ask for directions. Low self-esteem does not allow a person to correctly perceive himself and his activities. Such a man will unintentionally belittle his talent and say that he is mediocrity, even if this is not the case at all. And such thoughts will ultimately lead to the fact that a person will not do his job to his full potential.
A hundred for courage
The foundation of low self-esteem, fear of failure and unwillingness to cope with difficulties is laid in childhood. By the age of 30, a man is fully equipped with internal imbalance, if any.
To give imaginary self-confidence, he often resorts to alcohol, games, even drugs. Alternatively, he changes women like broken toothpicks.
If you meet a man who insults, humiliates or “plays” with you, know that he is healing his sick ego at the expense of you.
Closedness
One of the signs of an insecure man is the lack of friends. And if he has comrades, then they are few. People who are insecure cannot communicate normally with others. Strong individuals will use weak ones to achieve their goals. That's why insecure guys think they can't trust anyone. They develop such a policy not only in relation to their peers, but also in relation to the older generation.
A trouble-free person is easy to exploit and will not resent. Over time, under the pressure of society, even the most good-natured, modest guy will turn into a closed individual, gloomy and taciturn.
Trainings and courses
According to statistics, 25-30% of men have high self-esteem. 5% perceive themselves adequately. Everyone else struggles with uncertainty. Therefore, all kinds of trainings are common. Psychologists help men become more confident, increase self-esteem, and love themselves.
The main goal of the training is to teach you to see the positive sides and not notice the shortcomings. After visiting them, you will overcome your dependence on the opinions of others and will enjoy small achievements and life in general.
Thanks to the trainings, a man of any age will learn to accept himself as he is, love his body and character, choose the right circle of friends, and become self-confident.
Doesn't want to take responsibility
A person for whom mom or dad decided everything for him since childhood will not be eager to make decisions on his own. After all, if you take responsibility for your actions, you cannot blame someone for failures. I have to admit that I made the mistake myself.
Boys who grew up under overprotection cannot even admit to themselves that they are capable of making a mistake. After all, my mother said from childhood that her son was smart and capable. And to support this legend, you need to shift the responsibility onto your neighbor. But in case of success, you need to try to win back the laurels of victory for yourself.
Looks up to others
The opinion of another person is very important for an indecisive person. Such people will not compare themselves today with themselves yesterday. They will compare themselves to others. And if a person looks good compared to others, then you need to continue moving in the chosen direction. A person cannot go his own way. After all, the opinions of others are very important, and an insecure man values them very much. Therefore, you need to do things that will definitely please the majority of people nearby. Men with low self-esteem will never be inherently liberal. They will live their whole lives guided by Conservative policies.
Lack of hobbies
Any normal person should be interested in something besides work. Hobbies form passion in a person and help pass away leisure time. Insecure individuals cannot find a worthy occupation for themselves and spend their leisure time watching TV series or playing computer games. Guys with low self-esteem are afraid to take on any endeavor. The fear of being judged and the fear of failure will bind their hands. In his imagination, a man may be a professional tennis player or a professional artist, but in reality he will never develop his abilities until he begins to make efforts to fulfill his dreams.
Is it possible to make an insecure man strong?
One option is yes. If he is ready to change, not at your suggestion, but on his own initiative, looking at himself from the outside. If he is by nature a zero without a wand and he likes it, you will only suffer.
It's like carrying water with a sieve into the pool. I just want to say: “Darling, there are seas and oceans around you. Why are you fooling yourself?”
A decent man does not need to be inspired. Write in the comments if you tried to change your man and what came of it.
You can't put smart thoughts into someone else's head. He had been cultivating this in his brain for years!
Do you notice such traits in your man? Then remember 3 things :
- don't feel sorry for him;
- do not allow yourself to be humiliated;
- don't help financially.
If you love drama and manipulation, then you can practice the game of “who will win.” But, most likely, you will just waste time.
Many girls fight windmills like Don Quixote. Instead of a spear, they take love, motivation, and become a personal coach or psychologist. But as a result, they turn into a woman “see how I can do it myself,” 50/50, mommy.
Lack of friends
People can live normally only when they communicate with others. And if an adult lives without friends, it is worth thinking about his normality. It is difficult for a closed person to make acquaintances, but nevertheless, in your 20-30 years you can find at least one person close in spirit.
Insecure men argue with their friends and significant other all the time. Such individuals complain of constant betrayal and misunderstanding on the part of others. But when such complaints are received on a regular basis, one somehow cannot believe the sincerity of the person’s words.
Jealousy
One of the signs of an insecure man is jealousy. At the beginning of a relationship, a lady may even like this character trait. But over time, any girl, even a sentimental one, gets tired of constant interrogations and suspicions.
A man will demand that a woman spend as much time with him as possible. And it won’t matter to him whether his missus has agreed to spend this day with her friends or whether she would like to go shopping. He will constantly impose his company on her and therefore will be very annoying.
How to deal with low self-esteem if your environment humiliates you
Firstly, if your environment humiliates you, this is the first reason to change it. Yes, you can fight “against everyone” and try to achieve success, but in the current situation this is hardly possible. You need to distance yourself from people who lower your self-esteem.
It is also useful to spend more time with new acquaintances - sign up for some training or courses, start communicating with new people. If you again encounter humiliation from others, then this is a serious reason to analyze what is the true reason for such an attitude. Most likely, you will not be able to do this without the help of a psychologist. Be sure to make an appointment - do not deprive yourself of the chance to improve your life and overcome your own complexes.
Talks about feelings all the time
How does an insecure man behave in a relationship? He quickly confesses his feelings to the girl and will demand confirmation of his love from the lady. The wording of the question will look like this: “Do you love me?” And the lady will respond with a statement so as not to hurt the man’s feelings. But an insecure man will want more. A simple “yes” in response to his question is not enough for him. He can talk for hours about his feelings and find out from his chosen one why she chose him over all other men. A game like this will please the guy and annoy the girl.
Attached to parents
A man who has no friends will spend a lot of time with his family. And there would seem to be nothing wrong with this, if not for the influence that the mother will have on her son.
How does an insecure man behave? He will indulge his mother, who will be his idol, in everything. The opinions of other people, even the girl he loves, will not matter to such a guy. If mom said that you need to change jobs, then it really needs to be done. If mom said that you need to break up with your chosen one, then it’s time to say goodbye to the girl.
How to stop being shy and become decisive
You can get rid of the fear of change and become confident in yourself if you follow a few simple recommendations.
Stop fussing
Vanity and haste are the companions of critical situations that do not happen so often. A confident person is endowed with other qualities: calmness, prudence. He also knows how to cope with stress.
To stop fussing, you need to set aside time to relax every day. This applies to short breaks at work (a couple of minutes) and full sleep. This way you can at least temporarily disconnect from disturbing thoughts and calm down.
Organize yourself
You can't leave any situation to chance. You must always adhere to your plan in everything. A confident man knows what to do after solving another problem
Don't panic if you need to change points in the plan. This is fine. When writing it, provide for a non-standard development of events and an algorithm of actions. Thanks to this, you will be able to avoid stress if something goes wrong.
Set yourself achievable goals
As stated above, low self-esteem and unattainable goals are closely related. The farther the goal is, the more difficult it is to achieve it, the faster you can run out of energy. Therefore, men need to set themselves only feasible tasks. This could be cooking a new recipe, learning a foreign language, skiing or snowboarding and much more.
After completing a task, praise yourself for the work you did. Remember, small goals help you achieve big ones. The result is confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Living someone else's life
A person who is insecure will be afraid of his true desires. He will postpone the implementation of his ideas for a future that will never come. A man will work where he will be paid well for his activities. Moreover, he may not even receive much satisfaction from his work. But he will have a stable income, which is so revered by society.
An insecure man will not have the strength to win the girl he loves. Therefore, he will start a family with an available woman who will reciprocate. Such a life will burden a person, but he will never find the strength to change anything in himself.
How a woman can help
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman - psychology
To help a man become more confident, a woman needs to support and motivate him. It is also necessary to gently point out even his smallest victories. Ideally, he should draw positive conclusions himself.
Man motivated by a woman
In addition, it is important to support his independence. External influence on self-esteem has one drawback - as long as the wife motivates the husband, he is ready for anything. As soon as this impact stops (sooner or later, any woman will stop doing this, especially if it’s hard), then everything returns to normal. Therefore, a woman needs to quickly help her husband develop his own coordinate system.
Serious advice for quickly increasing a man’s self-esteem: criticism should be expressed extremely calmly. No matter how harsh a man may seem, at heart he is very vulnerable. If the wife does not feel the line with criticism, family life may stop altogether. After a breakup, everyone's self-esteem will deteriorate.
Envy
A person who cannot achieve much will be jealous of others. He will also want to buy a new car or a new house. But a low-paid, boring job won’t allow you to buy the things you want. A person who lacks self-confidence will not think about changing his place of service. Indeed, in his picture of the world, stability is the key to success.
How to deal with an insecure man? Don't give him a reason to be jealous. There is no need to remain silent about successes, but you need to talk about them as something completely natural and ordinary. Then the person will not react violently to your words.
Fighting complexes
15 signs of an insecure man were described above. But nothing in life is permanent, and that's good news for guys who want to change themselves. If you work on yourself and your character every day, you can completely rebuild your personality. If a person lacks strength, family and friends can come to the rescue.
How to help a man who lacks self-confidence? Very simple:
- compliment him;
- raise your self-esteem in every possible way;
- admire the activity;
- help me find a hobby;
- help get rid of excessive modesty;
- teach him to follow his gestures and not close himself off from the world.
Ways to increase self-esteem for men
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for men and women
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a man? This is a complex procedure that includes short-term and long-term actions.
Confident man on top of a mountain
Psychologists have worked out a huge number of ways to increase a guy’s self-esteem:
- Meditation. It has long gone beyond religious practices. Its task is to help a person perceive his emotions as a background to which he can react or ignore it. Meditation helps to cope well with fears and not give them the opportunity to dictate a person’s actions.
- Affirmations. Verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, become embedded in the subconscious. They must be formulated in the first person and in the current tense. For example, “I am a confident man.”
- Autogenic training. This is a synthesis of the two previous techniques. First you need to meditate and calm down, then pronounce self-hypnosis formulas or imagine situations in which the practitioner will behave confidently. The picture should have as much detail as possible. Those who have tried autogenic training have already understood how to be a confident man. The famous psychologist, Viktor Frankl, thanks to her, was not only able to maintain self-esteem in a concentration camp, but also help other prisoners do the same.
- Corset of confidence. This is a body position that is associated with confidence. You need to straighten your posture and place your head perpendicular to the floor. You can imagine yourself as a Hollywood actor who plays the role of the most confident person in front of the camera.
- Increasing income. Now there are many opportunities to find a job you will like online. If you find a part-time job on the Internet in parallel with your main job, within a year your self-esteem will be incomparably higher. Nothing is more capable of raising the self-esteem of most men than financial well-being. Although if self-confidence depends only on money, this is a bad sign. You can gain adequate self-esteem only by working through an internal system of criteria, what is good and bad.
- Communication. Proper contacts can also increase a man's self-esteem. Of course, you don’t need to depend on them, but a person can form his own social circle.
Important! The main thing in how to raise a man’s self-esteem is to constantly set goals for yourself and achieve them, despite difficulties. After some time, self-esteem will grow on its own.
