Men and women express emotions differently. This is how it happened historically. Girls were given more rights to openly express their feelings, while boys were taught to keep them to themselves. This also manifests itself in adulthood. A girl can openly say that she misses her. These same words spoken by a man can be received with surprise.
A man misses his girlfriend on a business trip
If a guy says he misses you, this may mean he hopes for something more than just seeing each other. Maybe this is a manipulative technique to get something from a woman.
Some terminology
Word interpreters will tell you that the word “bored” has two meanings:
- To be bored means to experience boredom from idleness. Thus, many schoolchildren get bored in lessons where the topic is simply not interesting to them. In this article we will not talk about this, so we read the meaning of the word further.
- To be bored is to languish due to the absence of someone or something. Based on this term, you can be bored due to the absence of a job or a certain person. This term is more suitable to our topic.
Why do you get bored with people?
Boredom is a feeling of emptiness.
Most of all, a person becomes attached to other people, and therefore boredom for a familiar, beloved environment manifests itself most strongly. The presence of the company of like-minded people or relatives is extremely pleasant, it protects against the feeling of loneliness that one has to face when no one close to them is around. Separation causes discomfort and is perceived by the psyche as boredom. This is another version of the feeling of emptiness - when someone you need is not nearby. Also, the presence of other people brings a sense of novelty to life, because all people are different, everyone has their own opinion, way of thinking. Without the opportunity to communicate with other people and exchange thoughts with them, a person feels loneliness and boredom from monotony.
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Do you get bored when you have free time?
This is a very important point. Think about the last time and who you missed. Were you busy at that moment? Or was it just then that you had free time? Have you been unable to occupy yourself with anything? The opinion of psychologists on this matter is twofold.
Some people believe that it is completely normal to not feel bored if you are very busy. For this reason, this group of psychologists refuses to acknowledge the following statement: “not missing a person means not loving him.” Accordingly, if your boyfriend, after a long separation from you, with a smile on his face, says that he did not miss you at all, this does not mean that you should be upset and give him a strong slap in the face for such offensive words. It is believed that you should be happy for your loved one and for his busy life, full of events of a different nature. But why does the second part of psychologists and the whole society think otherwise?
What is the cause of boredom?
The routine of life causes boredom.
The main cause of boredom is habit. This factor unites all types of boredom - both with people and with some places or activities. A person tends to get used to circumstances that remain relevant over a long period of time, and experiences their absence with stress. The disappearance of something familiar and beloved causes unpleasant experiences, the intensity of which depends on how strongly the person was attached to what was lost. They can creep in as light background thoughts if the loss is minor, or haunt for weeks if the significance of what is missing is high.
An interesting fact: the older a person is, the harder it is for him to get used to new circumstances, and therefore, the more he misses the previous state of affairs.
You get bored even when you are very busy with your life
So, the second group believes that being bored means cherishing someone during their absence. It is difficult to imagine that a loving person can calmly endure separation from his loved one and continue to enjoy life. It’s another matter if you started to miss the person already when you were busy with things. The thought that you won't be able to meet your girlfriend or boyfriend tonight as usual haunts you. This is an indicator that you feel uncomfortable without the company of dear people, even if you really know what to do with yourself.
This point of view is more common in society and among the rest of psychologists. But even in this case, there are pitfalls that can tell about your feelings for a person. As Frederic Beigbeder wrote: “Here is the simplest test of falling in love: if, after spending four or five hours without your lover, you begin to miss her, then you are not in love - otherwise ten minutes of separation would be enough to make your life absolutely unbearable.” .
Advice from psychologists
The psychology of men is not as strong as that of women. This nuance answers the question of why they increasingly express or hide their feelings. If you hear from a guy that he is bored and wants to meet as quickly as possible, avoid being rude when communicating. There are tips from psychologists that should be followed:
- Respond only when feelings are truly present;
- If the boredom is not mutual, choose words that will not offend the man. You can simply send an emoticon with a smile if the communication takes place on a social network;
- Recognize when a man is telling the truth and when he just wants to manipulate you;
- Do not give in to your own feelings if you are unsure that the man is telling the truth.
The psychology of guys allows them to hide their emotions and mislead women for their specific purposes. If you have reason not to trust your boyfriend, to doubt that he has sincere feelings for you, ignore his messages or words.
What to do if your ex-boyfriend writes that he misses you
Sometimes after two loving people break up, a man wants to get the relationship back. 1-2 months after the breakup, the girl may receive a message from her ex saying that he missed her. What to do in such situations? How to respond to a message?
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There are different situations, so the actions may differ. In such a situation, you can do the following:
- Ignore the message if you no longer want the old relationship;
- Reciprocate if this is actually the case;
- Blame your lover for the breakup if everything happened through his fault;
- Say that you have another loved one, and your ex missed the moment to be happy.
Former relationships don’t just disappear; sooner or later one of the partners will definitely start to get bored, trying to get everything back. If you are expecting such an SMS from your ex-lover and have mutual feelings for him, forget about all the grievances, give him the opportunity to correct his mistakes and improve relationships. Missing a person is one of the main signs that he values you.
What to answer if he asks if I miss you
Men also need to feel reciprocity, to be sure that the girl is also looking forward to meeting him and sharing positive moments with him. As a result, women may wonder how to respond to “I miss you” in order to show their feelings without being too intrusive.
The following are sample responses:
- And me too …
- I am pleased that you think about me;
- I'm also looking forward to our next meeting;
- Don’t be bored, we can meet, go to the movies;
- Thank you for your attention!
The answer options depend solely on what feelings you have for the guy. If you want to show that he is also dear to you, that he misses you for a reason, say so directly. No person understands hints, especially those in love. Only sincere truth and frankness will show your intentions and give you confidence in the future.
Do you miss the person or your feelings?
What does it mean to miss a loved one? Understanding this issue is quite difficult. Think about what would happen if this person were with you. Perhaps you start to miss him when you start doing the things you used to do together? In this case, you miss not exactly this person, but the social role that he played with you.
Do you miss your wife when you realize that you have to cook dinner yourself? In this situation, you must understand that this is more like selfishness on your part, and not like love for your spouse.
The line between love and addiction
Boredom is felt most strongly in the absence of one of the strongest sources of positivity - a loved one. As evidence, we can cite the fact that many people equate boredom with separation precisely within the framework of a love relationship, or a parent-child relationship. In this case, the feeling of emptiness borders on a feeling of anxiety, a desire to immediately find out where the person you are looking for is, what he is doing, what company he is in, who he is with. There is anxiety, a desire to help this person and protect him, take care of him, receiving the same in return.
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It would seem that this is wonderful, but one should not confuse love with addiction. In psychology there is such a concept - dependence on relationships, when any separation, even for a short period of time and for a good reason, is perceived as extremely painful and causes strong negative emotions. This is a pathological feeling that needs to be gotten rid of; it has nothing to do with love.
Miss your ex
After breaking up with partners you once loved, you may realize that you miss these people again. What does it mean to miss a loved one from whom you have long separated (whom you may have abandoned yourself)? If your relationship really reached a dead end before breaking up, then it is unlikely that you really miss the person.
What is it like to miss someone who hurt you? Don't think that your love for him (or her) is still alive and you will only be happy when you are reunited again. It is a trap. It’s better not to even try to step on the same rake twice in anticipation of a new result. In all likelihood, you do not miss the person, but the pleasant memories and feelings that are associated with him. Have you already remembered how this relationship began? About how you first met and stuff like that? In this case, what you miss is not the person, but the emotions that you experienced with him. Stop deceiving yourself.
Synonyms
The best way to understand what “bored” means is to look at verbs that are similar in meaning. In the concept itself, two points should be highlighted:
- There must be an object that evokes certain feelings in us.
- A word is needed that describes this emotional process.
Who or what do you miss? We list the most common objects:
- Friends, parents, other relatives and loved ones.
- Pets.
- Favorite person.
- Homeland, certain places with which fond memories are associated.
- House.
- An activity that, for one reason or another, is not possible to engage in.
What feelings do these objects evoke in a person when we use the concept of “bored”? We list the main synonyms:
- to be sad;
- yearn;
- sadden;
- languish;
- mourn;
- languish;
- recall.
We deliberately do not use the word “love,” although in the minds of many it is the main source of what we miss.
Missing your past self
There is another possibility as to why you might miss your ex. Perhaps you don’t really remember what the person himself was like at the beginning of your relationship or you simply don’t try to remember this. But you remember very well what you were like. Undoubtedly, young, happy, beautiful, successful. And you feel like you were only like that because you were in that relationship.
Be that as it may, you unconsciously draw a parallel between your past image and the closest person who was with you at that moment in your life. Realize that you can be anything you want to be, no matter who the people are around you.
Now, perhaps, you know what it means to miss a person and why you begin to experience such feelings. We wish you good luck and pleasant relationships with others!
More about emotional addiction
Close people are communicating vessels that influence each other. One person's mood has deteriorated, and the other one begins to feel sad. If the husband is worried, anxiety settles in the heart of his wife. However, even relatives living together cannot always be in the same state of mind.
Some are more irritated, others are tired of communication or relationships in general. These negative manifestations are immediately transmitted to a partner or household members. They begin to make extreme efforts to bring their loved one out of his state, and then they themselves begin to get nervous and lose their temper.
This strains a person who feels enormous responsibility for what is happening. But he cannot constantly show empathy, entertain loved ones and give them only positive emotions. And if they begin to suffer, then we are talking about emotional dependence. Which is bad for both sides. It is quite possible that a person will decide to leave such a relationship, and then the partner will have to be bored alone.
As a rule, the most severe suffering will be experienced by people who are not independent, who need outside control and guidance, and by problematic and socially immature individuals. Those who cannot live without the dope of love and attention. What synonym can be found for this phenomenon? To be bored means to be emotionally dependent on other people or things.
conclusions
If a man says that he misses you, this either means that he really misses you, or he simply benefits from your being around, for example, to satisfy a sexual need. Therefore, do not take this word literally, try to understand what motivates the guy. Your further reaction will depend on this.
Remember that a man who cares about you will prove his attitude through actions, and not just bombard you with messages and calls. Don't take my word for it if you don't want to be deceived.
Filling the void
When someone close or loved one leaves, people feel discomfort, a contradictory feeling of incompleteness and brokenness appears. In such cases, you should not bother with the pathological “I miss” the one who left, you need to make your own day as busy as possible.
Start simple - with your hobby. Devote a few hours to what you love. Then read a book by your favorite writer, don’t forget about a walk with your best friends, go to the premiere of a new film.
It’s not for nothing that our great-grandfathers said that any problem can be cured with work. Take on several additional projects, take part in organizing an event, attend an exhibition in the evening, and devote the weekend to charity.
You can also find useful activities at home: rearrange things, hang wallpaper, learn a new recipe. If you wanted to lose extra pounds or go on a trip, now is the time.
The more ideas for active pastime, the better, the faster you can get rid of obsessive thoughts. And over time, you won’t even notice how longing and boredom will turn into pleasant nostalgia.
What to answer a man to the phrase “I miss you” in VKontakte or SMS correspondence
Girls are romantic, focused on emotional communication, tender words, compliments, confessions. It seems obvious to them that the guy wants to say about feelings.
Replying “Me too,” the ladies exchange emotion with him. Men are pragmatic, their brains and psyches are tuned to achieving real, specific goals. Having read the response confession, they will accept it as a green light signal for intimacy. They can ring the doorbell in an hour or two, counting on passionate caresses that turn into a night of love.
What does it mean if a man during a live conversation says that he misses you?
At the moment of real communication, the boyfriend’s phrase means a desire for speedy solitude. Guys are designed this way, the level of testosterone in the male body is 20 times higher than the female threshold, naturally the libido is stronger.
Afterwards, he will happily lie down hugging, stroke his beloved, talk and do everything else dear to a woman’s heart. Most men measure the level of “boredom” by the degree of lust for their beloved. They get offended if she doesn’t support the initiative (she’s sick, she’s busy with work).
