How to learn to remain calm in any situation: advice from a psychologist

“Calm, only calm” - Carlson’s life motto does not sound childishly wise.

Keeping yourself in control when problems are pouring into your head like a cornucopia is extremely difficult!

In stressful situations, a person resembles a time bomb: a careless word, movement - and an explosion.

Anger and aggression are weapons with a huge damage zone, from which innocent people can suffer. Simply because they fell under the hot hand.

How to stay calm in any situation? Learn to control your emotions and save nerve cells?

Controlling emotions is not a flight to Mars or a nuclear physics problem.

Every person can regulate their internal state. This is especially important if:

  • it is difficult for you to control your behavior;
  • Every little thing gets on your nerves;
  • you often face difficulties and resolve important issues;
  • changes are coming in life;
  • you want to become a reserved and balanced person.

Do I need this?

Holders of certain types of temperament initially possess this skill. It was born with them, and helps to maintain equanimity in all situations throughout life’s journey. We are talking about phlegmatic people who cannot be nervous, these unsinkable cruisers of calm and confidence. But, firstly, there are not so many pure types of temperament in nature, and, secondly, having mastered the techniques of how to learn to remain calm, you can teach this to your family and loved ones.

Those representatives of society should master techniques for regulating their internal state:

  • who find it difficult to control emotions;
  • who avoids difficult questions and difficult situations;
  • to whom every little thing gets on your nerves;
  • who are worried about upcoming difficulties, real or imagined;
  • who dreams of always being a discreet person.

By starting this path, you can radically change your attitude towards yourself and life, make it more comfortable, not get nervous in stressful situations, and begin the path to personal development and managing your health.


The following books will help supplement the psychologist’s advice on how to cope with anxiety and nervousness:

  1. Sarah Devoe “Relax! 100 ways to enjoy life."
  2. John Medina “Age has nothing to do with it. How to make your brain think quickly and remember a lot.”
  3. Gary John Bishop “Worry Less, Live More.”
  4. Ruby Wax “Tame Your Brain!”
  5. Virginie Grimaldi “You will understand when you grow up.”
  6. Dan Katz “The Lizard in Your Head.” Funny comics that will help you better understand yourself and everyone around you.”

There is also a wonderful video from Mikhail Labkovsky that will help you control your emotions:

Why you shouldn't be nervous

Maybe, well, this training on having calmness? Everyone is nervous, and somehow they survive, and some also manage to look great at the same time, build a career, defend dissertations, and start families. However, not everything is so rosy; there are many reasons why you shouldn’t be nervous.

  • If you get nervous, you’ll lose control of the situation, and then whoever wants to take you with their bare hands.
  • If you get nervous, family relationships in all verticals (husband-wife, children-parents, etc.) will suffer.
  • If you get nervous, you will receive something like a boomerang effect from those around you, and your emotion will return to you, only in double the size. Do you need this?
  • If you get nervous, you will get vasospasm, and everything that follows (migraine, atherosclerosis, stroke).
  • If you get nervous, your body will begin to increase production of the hormone cortisol, which destroys brain cells and nitrogenous decomposition of muscles.

Should I scare you further or is that enough? Even one of the above reasons is enough to significantly worsen the quality of life of Homo sapiens (homosapiens). And since he is reasonable, then he needs to learn how to remain calm, be confident, and always remain a person in control of his emotions.

In an Ascending Spiral:

Decision making involves creating intentions and setting goals—all three steps are part of the same neural circuitry and positively impact the prefrontal cortex, reducing anxiety. Decision-making also helps overcome the activity of the striatum (corpus striatum - an anatomical structure of the telencephalon, related to the basal ganglia of the cerebral hemispheres, J.A. ), which usually pushes you towards negative impulses. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world by calming the limbic system.

Learning to be calm

Before you start mastering techniques that allow you to experience and then return this blissful state at will, it is advisable to find a picture that will personify this calmness for you and place it in your immediate environment.

This could be wallpaper on your computer desktop, a wall calendar, a poster on the wall depicting a peaceful landscape, a sleeping child, sunsets and sunrises, a starry sky, in general, anything that will be a symbol of peace for you.

The following four techniques were proposed by the French psychologist E. Pigani, in order to artificially induce and consolidate a feeling of calm.

“Jar of Honey” - a technique for slowing down movements

You need to choose some routine action that you do every day “automatically,” quickly and without thinking. This could be cleaning the closet, washing dishes, taking a shower, making tea, or any other type of simple activity. Breathing slowly and deeply, you need to slow down your movements as much as possible.

Now attention is directed to every movement, to the feeling of contact with the object being used. To make it more believable, you can imagine yourself immersed in a huge jar of honey, and slow down your movements even more.

The purpose of this exercise is to stop being nervous, quickly recover in stressful situations, and feel your presence “here and now” with all the acuteness.

“Jar of Rice” - a technique for training patience

To do this, you need to count the grains of rice, transferring them from one glass to another. Have you recalculated? Write down how much you got, and then do everything in reverse order. The results, of course, should be the same. If you want to grumble, remember that in a Buddhist monastery you would be forced to number each grain of rice.

“Food Pot” – mindful eating

Attitudes towards food in the times of fast food and convenience foods, frozen desserts and ready-made meals from the supermarket have undergone significant changes compared to the beginning of the last century. However, the human body, both then and now, is able to send a signal of satiety to the brain only 20-30 minutes after the start of the action of digestive juices.

Start your first meal by eating slowly, chewing slowly, and slowly breaking off pieces of the served dish. You need to sit with a straight back and a straight neck, bring cutlery to your mouth slowly, and eat calmly. Signals of satiety will reach the brain on time, less food will be needed, a slim figure will be ensured along with the ability not to get irritated while eating.

“Empty Pot” - a technique for listening to silence

Every week you need to set aside five (just five!) minutes to listen to silence. We turn off all phones, TVs, computers, dim the lights. You need to sit comfortably, without tension, with your hands on your hips. The left hand rests on the right, the thumb of the right hand rests on the left palm, does not press on it, but simply lies there.

With your eyes closed, you need to focus on the sensations at the point where your finger touches your palm. In this position, listen to silence for five minutes. After two months, meetings with silence take place every day. During them you can think about good and evil. The feeling of how to remain calm will be consolidated over time, it can be easily evoked in order not to be nervous and to be balanced in any conflict situation.

Controlling negative emotions

Zen Buddhists believe that every negative emotion is a message that needs to be read and released. They compare negative emotions to fire and water, saying that it is easier to cope with a fire that has just started and a leaky faucet when you immediately begin to fix the problem. As always, this is easier said than done, however, there is technology here that helps put everything in order.

  1. Make a list of the 14 most frequently experienced negative emotions (anxiety, shame, hatred, melancholy, envy, resentment, etc.).
  2. Separate these emotions from your inner self. For example, not “I am jealous,” but “I feel jealous,” not “I am guilty,” but “I feel guilty,” continue according to the pattern.
  3. Remember the most severe attack of anger, its cause, your feelings at the same time, physical sensations. Well, where is this anger now?
  4. Let's return to the list from the first point. Now we need to determine what service each emotion served. “Anxiety helps you be alert.” “Embarrassment helps you adapt to strangers.”
  5. In the future, if you feel an increase in negativity, try to determine how this emotion can be useful. Most likely, now, having realized this, you will no longer become her hostage.

Such an analysis requires some time and desire. This is not such a high price to pay for the opportunity to always be confident and not get irritated in any situation.

Specialist help

Often you need a push to change your life and get out of the rut. And this impetus can be a visit to a specialist. Problems of irritability at the physiological level are considered by neurologists and psychiatrists. Feel free to contact them with your questions. After all, timely prescribed “Novo-Passit” or “Glitsed” will significantly facilitate your perception of the problem situation.

If it comes to the soul and relationships, then it is better to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. These specialists will help you identify the causes of your irritability, work through them and give recommendations on how to reduce nervousness due to your husband’s behavior, calm you down before the wedding, or teach you how not to worry when communicating with strangers.

Expert help

Sergey Litan

Psychologist, psychoanalyst, researcher

Ask a Question

Hello, my name is Sergey. I am an expert in the field of psychology and psychoanalysis. I work by passion and love my job. I specialize in depression and anxiety. Over 20 years of practice, I have helped hundreds of people get their results: get out of depression, regain joy in life, put their inner state in order, get rid of fears, phobias and panic attacks. Years of research have allowed me to find the most effective “tools” for solving almost any situation and life scenario.

Tell me about your problem and I will help you.

For every stress there is... an anti-stress

If you want to assess the level of stress in your life, you can use the “social conformity scale” of American psychologists T. Holmes and R. Rahe, who rated every event in the life of an average person on a 100-point scale. In first place there is the death of a spouse (100 points), and in last place are New Year's holidays (12 points) and minor violation of the law (11 points).

The sum of points is used to calculate the level of stress and (attention!) the risk of getting sick. We don’t need such problems - to help ourselves and not get irritated, we will do “Anti-stress” exercises.

Let's pretend

The exercise is effective at any level of stress. You need to feign calmness, this creates a feeling of relaxation, and after a few minutes real calm comes. Here you need to be a bit of an actor, convince yourself that you are playing the role of a calm person. The secret here is that our subconscious always takes everything at face value - by believing you, it influenced the external state.

Smile and yawn

Every psychology textbook gives an example of how, when smiling, 42 facial muscles send a signal to the nervous system, triggering the process of regulating breathing, releasing muscle tension, and releasing “happiness hormones.” It works even with a forced, forced smile, and instantly. The same effect is produced by a wide yawn, which prevents irritation and brings relaxation.

Let's understand the world around us

The best remedy for increasing stress is to maintain contact with your own Self. To achieve this, you need to observe what is happening as if from the outside, to act somewhat detached. You must not lose attention and control over the situation; tell yourself all your actions. When you leave the house, say to yourself: “I am leaving the house.” When you wash the dishes, say to yourself: “I am washing the dishes.” When you turn on your computer, say to yourself, “I’m turning on the computer.”

Do you think this is too primitive? But “everything ingenious is simple,” you just need to try and make sure of the effectiveness of simple tips that will help you always be confident in your peace of mind and not get irritated over trifles.

Online courses

I also offer you effective courses that contain simple techniques for controlling your emotions in difficult situations and will help you learn to control tense situations.

Video course How to get rid of fear once and for all - these are effective lessons that highlight the causes of fear and techniques for defeating it. Cost – 990 rub. The course will help:

  • find out what awaits you when you get rid of anxiety;
  • get to know the mistakes that cause anxiety;
  • recognize the difference between a natural reaction to danger and disturbing anxiety;
  • Find out how to get rid of anxiety forever.

The author of the course is Denis Shvetsov, an expert on human psychology and emotional state.

“Anti-Fear” First Aid Kit – here you will find information about simple techniques for getting rid of fear, which can be applied at any time. Cost – 292 rubles.

The course helps you learn:

  • how to cope with anxiety;
  • how to get rid of phobias;
  • methods of dealing with anxiety;
  • proper breathing techniques for recovery.

The author of the course is Alexander Zhurakovsky, a specialist in working with complex emotional states.

Master class 15 ways to get rid of fears - here you are given effective methods of dealing with fears.

You will learn:

  • effective techniques for dealing with anxiety;
  • ways to restore peace and tranquility;
  • methods of getting rid of the fear of the unknown;
  • reasons for fears.

The author of the master class is Alexander Zhurakovsky.

Cost – 949 rubles. There are discounts.

The Brain Detoxification course from Vikium is 10 lessons for a complete “brain rewiring”.

The course will help:

  • clear the mind;
  • learn to concentrate on what is important;
  • reduce tension levels;
  • sleep and rest better;
  • get rid of toxic thoughts.

The author of the course is Viktor Shiryaev, an expert in developmental psychology and integral philosophy.

Cost – 1,490 rubles.

The video course How to quickly cope with fear and anxiety provides simple and effective techniques for the complete restoration of the nervous system.

Cost – 800 rub.

You will learn how to:

  • eliminate anxiety as soon as it appears;
  • eliminate life traumas;
  • think positively.

The author of the course is Sergey Davidenko, a specialist in getting rid of anxiety and fear.

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