Self-development. This word can be heard more and more often in modern society. And the word “self-development”, as a rule, means such a wide range of activities that people with completely different worldviews, goals, values and capabilities can engage in self-development. The word “self-development” today means everything from pumping up muscles in the gym to very strange religious rituals. What is “self-development”, and most importantly, why do you need to do it at all and how to do it in order to benefit both yourself and others?
In fact, how many people ask themselves the question “Why do you need to engage in self-development?” Self-development is a fashionable trend, and anyone who engages in self-development is a priori considered a self-sufficient person, or aspiring to become one. But one of the main principles of sanity says that before every action we take, we need to ask ourselves why we are doing it and what benefit it will bring.
All living beings (and not only people) in one way or another strive to find happiness and want to avoid suffering. The only difference is that the level and quality of happiness is different for everyone. It’s hard to argue with the fact that the pleasure of delicious (and most often unhealthy) food and the pleasure of creativity or helping other people give us a feeling of happiness. But it is already difficult to agree with the fact that this happiness is of the same quality. Firstly, in the case of tasty and unhealthy food, we get pleasure in combination with harm to health, and secondly, happiness is short-term, and from the point of view of emotions and sensations it is rather flat. So to speak, the happiness of the 2D format. The same cannot be said about the happiness that we get from creativity with some positive message or from helping other people - such happiness benefits everyone around us, and most importantly, it is longer lasting and more emotionally intense. Well, everything is clear with happiness - the higher its quality, the longer it lasts and brings more joy. But what does this have to do with self-development? The most direct.
The further a person moves along the path of self-development, the higher his level of happiness becomes and, importantly, the less his happiness depends on external conditions. In the modern world, self-development most often means development at the physical level, less often at the mental level, and extremely rarely at the spiritual level. No one, of course, calls for inspiration to be inspired by the example of the repentant robber from the famous work of Nekrasov and “to submit the body to torture”, saving the soul. In everything you need to avoid extremes, but the emphasis in self-development only on the bodily level - unfortunately, most often leads to spiritual degradation. And how to determine which path of self-development is harmonious? The main sign that a person is moving in the right direction in terms of self-development is when his happiness becomes less and less dependent on external conditions.
How to stand out from the crowd?
We draw your attention to the fact that if your professional self-development is at the same level as that of your colleagues, then at the right time you will not be able to stand out from the crowd.
Let’s say that in your company no one is late, steals, or skips work, and everyone tries to conscientiously fulfill their direct and indirect responsibilities, in which case such a factor as professional self-development comes first. For some reason, in most cases it is he who remains unattended.
Agree that any commercial organization strives to receive and develop ever-increasing profits, which is very logical. If an employer strives for this, then he subconsciously looks for specialists who will most effectively help in achieving such goals.
It's fashionable and modern
geralt / Pixabay
This is another incentive for development. Imitation and the desire to be in trend are a strong motivation, even if you think that you don’t need any development for free - you are quite developed. This is a great way to stay in the environment you're used to. And, joint visits to something developing with your friends will help support you in this endeavor. In fact, why walk alone if everyone can do it together?
What is self-knowledge and its main stages?
Shopaholism is such a pleasant disease
Successful development - successful career
Let us note that those employees who cope with their current work with varying success and constantly develop themselves professionally work successfully.
Those who are unable to cope with the tasks will be subject to dismissal without much remorse, due to the fact that companies are by no means charities. Another positive side of professional self-development is that such an employee may unexpectedly receive a lucrative offer from the outside, that is, from other organizations. The specialist who outstrips his own company in development, at a certain moment becomes the master of the situation.
What can you learn?
Meanwhile, the process of self-development is very interesting and exciting; as we develop, we constantly learn new facts and meet interesting people. Thanks to the knowledge gained, you can discover new opportunities and skills that you didn’t even know about, as well as improve your existing qualities:
- leadership abilities;
- ability to set goals;
- ability to achieve set goals;
- self confidence;
- self-control;
- responsibility;
- expanding interest and horizons;
This is an incomplete list, but if you carefully re-read it again, you can understand that these are the qualities that successful people possess who build their lives the way they want it.
Where to start self-development
Our life is structured in such a way that each of us sooner or later comes to the understanding and realization that the time has come to change something in ourselves, in our professional life, in our activities.
This raises the question: “Where to start self-development?” Here I would like to quote the words of John Newman, which for some will be key:
“Don't be afraid that your life will end. Be afraid that it will never begin.”
These words make a lot of sense, because in our far from ideal world it is difficult to live without preparation. That's why many of us prefer to just go with the flow.
Psychology: Endless self-development and thirst for perfection - why it’s time to stop
Why constant self-improvement will lead us to the grave and how to catch the moment when you need to stop and realize that it’s time to get out of the race and start living, says Gestalt therapist Anna Solunina
Latte is a drink with a catch. First, you skim off a little milk foam, and then, stirring the entire contents, drink. Even if it's made with third-rate espresso, you won't feel it. Everyone knows: the main thing in a latte is the foam. Our culture incredibly values “foam”: showing success and achievements, constantly developing, becoming an increasingly better version of yourself. The main thing is not to stop. “Meet the sunrise on the move,” says the advertising slogan of some SUV. Even car makers know that you don't have time to contemplate nature. You are obliged to grow personally, increase financial flows, change jobs if it does not develop you, otherwise you are left behind. Our culture has laid down standards for appearance, and now it is encroaching on internal guidelines. Homo sapiens, never doubting, open to all winds, self-confident and results-oriented, is the image to which one must strive to become happier. But where's the catch?
Grandiose Me
The idea of “improving yourself” 24 hours a day is spreading like a pandemic, fueling the illusion of the body’s unlimited capabilities. I often come across speed reading courses in my Facebook feed. I know that there are applications that allow you to “accelerate” to five thousand words per minute. Some master class promises a boost of energy for chronic lack of sleep - all this for the sake of a successful business (it seems that quality sleep is no longer in fashion). And the gurus of the “newest” psychotechnologies talk about “internal reserves,” assuring that you can become more effective every quarter of the year. The excitement is fueled by the idea that in two clicks you can become not just more productive, but more ideal and perfect. Who cares about modest victories? It's old fashioned. “Either brilliantly and quickly, or not at all” - the call is heard at every step.
This motto is the same “foam”. Be carefull. “Quick practices” for attracting money or a husband can be quite inspiring at the beginning. But if you ignore the gradual movement forward, you can pay a very high price - a feeling of worthlessness and a bad mood during a period of stagnation. Failures or simply current difficulties become “triggers”, and then – hello, depression (in fact, such depression is often a “cover” from the more unsightly truth: the inability to accept oneself as an ordinary mortal, with all the giblets).
For many, the thought of their own imperfection is so difficult that they flirt with themselves as “ideal” - as if they could replace themselves with another person one morning. Some people succeed in this self-deception: even children know how easy it is to create the appearance of a “beautiful, prosperous life” on social networks. It is known that your neighbor’s Instagram is always better. And as you give in to ruthless perfectionism, constantly raising the bar, you become overwhelmed with dissatisfaction and envy. These feelings are so painful that they encourage you to “clean up” your image even more (or even completely isolate yourself from contacts). That's why when you fight for perfection, you always lose.
Playing God
Today everyone is looking for a formula for happiness. And here everything is upside down. For some, self-development is inevitably associated with happiness; for others, “personal growth” is synonymous with “spirituality.” And this is captivating. It is difficult for some to ignore a seminar on awakening internal energies, just as it was difficult for a medieval matron to skip Sunday service. This whole industry of endless improvement does not bring you closer to God (or, if you prefer, another transcendental entity). Its goal is that very “foam”: you should not stop in the pursuit of improvements (which often gives rise to a feeling of superiority over others).
Of course, you have every right to a happy relationship and financial well-being. Just remember: material appetites lie outside the spiritual planes. All the major religions of the world have been saying this for thousands of years. By being honest with yourself that you are going into coaching in hopes of improving mundane things like getting a promotion or building your image, you are inoculated against excessive self-importance. In terms of human happiness, there are also complete disappointments. A feeling of emptiness, shame, complete ignorance of oneself and depression is what is in the air when I hear stories about yet another unfulfilled “perfect self” project.
Who am I?
Quick removal of the “scum” does not imply a true strengthening of self-esteem. I know many women attend events with diligent regularity where they are encouraged to “love themselves” (or “find” their feminine essence). Many people really lack love. Can not argue. Only people usually go to weekend training not for “self-love” (whatever that means), but for the love - attention, admiration, acceptance and approval - of others. For a couple of days or weeks, these infusions of good attitude from the participants and presenters are usually enough. And if you crave praise, like a beer drinker on a hot afternoon, you will willingly go to these “hot spots.” Staying at home, without trying to get another “doping”, is sometimes the best thing you can do for self-esteem that is limping on both legs.
I think that we need to slow down in terms of active self-help. Webinars and books on self-development offer techniques, famously using the terms “transformation”, “removing blocks” or even “quanta”. “Scientific” is confusing. Those who like to delve into themselves often have difficulty getting out into the real world. You can take the “10 steps to your dream job” course, but to really get into the top successful, you will have to compete (for many this is terribly scary), look for new forms of interaction with others and expand your ideas about yourself. This cannot be learned by contemplating your essence alone in front of a monitor.
Another must have for self-development is to find your “I”. There is an opinion that our “I” is hiding somewhere inside and in order to meet this essence, we must certainly retire, sending society away - for example, go a thousand kilometers from home to “places of power”. I don't mind traveling. But what if you discover that the main “place of power” in your life is a routine job that gives you the opportunity to rent a house and visit pubs on a Saturday night? Comprehension of the world intuitively, relying on some sixth senses, is another slippery slope that leads into the world of fantasies and false ideas about oneself. You can only know yourself around other people. For example, when my engineer husband tries to explain a transmission or engine braking, I accept my incompetence in the matter, regardless of what my intuition thinks about all this mechanics. I definitely understand something about myself at this moment.
From heaven to earth
Now the trend is to reveal the secrets of the universe. And when people say on every corner that you control the events of the universe, it’s hard not to catch the virus of arrogance. According to my observations, followers of this philosophy often become callous and even aggressive towards others. Taking the view that “life has everything” makes it easy to lose compassion for those who are experiencing hardship. “Everything you need is around you. Otherwise, it’s your own fault that you don’t have what you want,” they say. This approach seems to ignore the important contexts of life (the current state of affairs and personal experience), reducing everything to a matter of motivation and “belief in yourself.” Of course, psychologists will agree: taking responsibility for your life is important. It is equally important to come to terms with a reality that is beyond our influence, accepting the limits of existence and physiology.
It’s a paradox, but by thinking in this way, people become less happy and more isolated from each other. It is difficult to be an ordinary person when the secret of divine abundance has already been whispered to you. In this paradigm there is no place for everyday limitations and powerlessness (those who have been to a psychologist’s office know how difficult it is sometimes to accept one’s own helplessness in difficult situations). The bitter awareness of a number of “givens” allows you to move on without getting stuck on your imperfections. By the way, artists and writers had a good understanding of these data. Perhaps the best educational mission you could undertake on a day off is to buy tickets to an art museum and leave the universe alone.
Positive direction
Many are so keen on positive psychology, trying to visualize a bright future at least once a day, that they begin to look not like grown men and women, but like naive children in short pants and dresses. Any problems should supposedly inspire, and a serious illness, loss or unemployment should definitely teach something. Perhaps you are not “charged” enough to be positive and that’s why you are attacked by colds? The classification of psychosomatic diseases is indeed expanding every year. But chances are you just need a warmer coat. There are a lot of stories around “How I survived cancer and became happier,” but few people share experiences like “How, during a terrible crisis, I opened a business and went to hell.”
Call me a mothball grumbler from psychology (I tried to ignore the cold for a long time, exposing my bare ankles to the frost, but this winter I surrendered to the mercy of warm socks), but it seems that we are undeservedly retiring the phrases “stay on your feet” and “keep your sanity " And then I think about coffee again. Recently in a cafe I saw a man who ordered ristretto with medium roast grains, and I thought: “It seems that he is not chasing new trends. Who definitely doesn’t need a lavender cappuccino with caramel!” I understand that it’s not easy to resist when everyone promises you the sweetest and most whipped foam on the planet. In an age when everyone is pushing you to expand in all directions, the best thing you can do for your peace of mind is to remember that you are not infinite. “Constant work on yourself and improvement” are more suitable for the propaganda slogans of a dictator, but are of little use as a recipe for happiness for ordinary people.
Changing ourselves
As for “preparation,” this is something we need to do independently and additionally.
It's no secret that the process of changing yourself can take a lot of time. But the more you learn, analyze, find, the more interesting life becomes, wouldn’t you agree? Where to start self-development? If you have a desire to change, decide what you want to achieve? What peaks? What kind of income? Also, don’t forget to take a closer look at your talents and your strengths.
Note that every person has them.
Recommended ways to develop yourself
Now we bring to your attention some of the most effective ways to improve your qualities:
- Get up as early as possible, do exercises or jogging. Try making a daily plan of things to do. Strive to become a disciplined person. In your free time, engage in sports or spiritual development, that is, an activity that gives you pleasure. Don't get angry at people and don't expect more from them than they can. Treat yourself as a successful and wise person. Open up new horizons and learn languages. Don't allow yourself to feel fear and guilt. Maintain a healthy diet and be grateful.
Joy of the body
Don’t forget that development is a process in which the final recipient is our consciousness, and it is this consciousness that already transmits satisfaction from what we were able to do, from what happened, from the fact that we now carry a little more in our luggage. So, don’t forget about physical development. Our body is as full a participant in acquiring knowledge as our consciousness. Moreover, our sensation, our feeling of pleasure flows through the body. So, developing your body, encouraging it with training will be very appropriate, and this development should be perceived no less, and perhaps even more valuable, than acquiring disembodied knowledge.
Learn to relax. Freedom of thought - freedom of spirit - freedom of body.
