Advice from a psychologist on how to learn not to take everything to heart

Sensitive people are very emotional about the problems and troubles they encounter in everyday life. This applies not only to events affecting them personally or loved ones. Even negative news about complete strangers resonates with them, causing a strong sense of empathy.

All people, in one way or another, react to the negative events they encounter. It’s just that one category of people does not pay special attention to this, and the second category plunges headlong into problems, bringing themselves to a state of stress and depression. This hypersensitivity interferes with normal quality of life. A person constantly experiences a feeling of oppression, painfully perceives criticism addressed to him and is offended even by minor remarks.

Psychology explains how to stop taking everything to heart and learn to live a full life. After all, this problem interferes with building relationships both in family life and at work. It is difficult to build a career if the boss does not see strong character and will in his subordinate.

Perceptive people and psychology

The entire journey of life is filled with tense situations. The processes taking their course determine the rhythm of life, the formation of society, and the emerging relationships. Everyone has problems. Throughout life, a person adapts to them. Some manage to cope easily, others cannot cope with the enormous burden.

In psychology, those who take difficult situations to heart are called emotional. Susceptible people quickly change their mood from elation to deep despondency throughout the day. There is heightened sensitivity to stimuli (physical and psychological).

Good-natured people have rich inner content and good imagination. You can always count on them in everyday life. They will provide support even against their own interests. It is important for them to gain the approval of outsiders. Often this trait can play a cruel joke. In life, good is not always repaid with good.

Getting very used to each other, impressionable people suffer heavily and for a long time in their souls over the breakup of relationships. Receptive sensitivity has its origins in heredity. In the future, it is formed by education, upbringing and living conditions. It is possible to be courageous when facing life's adversities if you work on yourself every day.

A bad habit is to take everything to heart.

Often people themselves lower their own self-esteem, losing chances for happiness and success, taking everything that happens to heart. A person becomes sensitive to the words and actions of others. At a moment of doubt, events are depicted in the worst possible scenarios. This habit reduces your efforts to find the secret of happiness and live better to zero.

Someone ignored the question asked, did not notice and did not respond to the greeting, and thoughts and guesses swirled in my head that this was due to a bad attitude. This state not only does not allow you to live better, but also leads to conflicts and creates a tense environment in communication with others.

Resentment and anger, feelings of fear and irritability become constant companions of sensitive people. The anxiety that often arises does not correspond to reality, but causes internal doubts. People are accustomed to living in anticipation of the next stab in the back, not believing in a good attitude towards themselves from the outside.

In real life the picture is not so scary. Most ill-mannered and unrestrained people have nothing against a particular person. Perhaps this is an unrestrained and grumpy interlocutor or someone who likes to constantly say nasty things. You need to learn not to pay attention to it.

Why is this happening?

The habit of taking everything to heart interferes with daily life. People get stuck in unnecessary conversation. You can overcome the habit and move on with your life. People who tend to put all responsibility on their shoulders take everything to heart. They do not understand that the environment perceives them based on their character and upbringing received. These problems are present in those who were subjected to strong criticism in childhood, who were often rejected or condemned in life.

To learn not to take everything to heart, you need to increase self-confidence, develop self-esteem, and stress resistance. Do not allow others to influence your mood and constantly upset you. Such people assert themselves at your expense, taking away your energy. Self-esteem does not depend on mistakes and failures. Put achievements and small victories first.

“I want to be like an elephant if they offend me”

Thoughts - obsessive, viscous - no longer leave your head: “Why did he say that? What did you mean? How can I correct the situation and is it possible to do it?” And now, instead of lightness, you experience an incomprehensible feeling of resentment, some kind of injustice towards yourself. And somehow my heart feels completely uncomfortable.

“Why are you so upset? Don’t take everything to heart,” friends advise.

It's easy to say. Has anyone determined where this “close” is? And why do some have everything very close to their hearts, while others don’t care about everything, as if they were thick-skinned, like elephants? You look at them and think: “And I want to be like an elephant if they offend me or say something unpleasant.” It’s just not clear how to cultivate this “elephantiality” in yourself.

How to get away from negative experiences?

Everyday stress has become a part of life. Having woken up, the person has already prepared himself for the worst. At such moments, psychologists recommend auto-training classes - positive self-hypnosis. There is always a way out of any situation, although it may not always suit you. Control emotions through relaxation. Everyone chooses their own direction:

  • soothing music;
  • sounds of nature;
  • breathing exercises;
  • exercise stress;
  • a walk to your favorite places;
  • describe the condition on paper;
  • take a cold shower.

The psycho-emotional and physical state suffers from stress and irritation. Highly sensitive people become depressed. The first signs of uncharacteristic behavior are noticed by relatives, and assistance falls on their shoulders. The problem is clarified through a properly structured dialogue. Close people become sincere allies. This attitude helps restore confidence and desire to cope with the problem.

The best option would be to work with a psychologist, for example Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

How to stop taking everything to heart?

In this situation, you cannot do without the advice of a competent psychologist. Psychology says that you can learn to live without stress by knowing certain rules. They will help you cope with the surrounding reality. Psychologist's advice:

  1. Perceive all the troubles that have befallen you as a certain stage in life. Negative situations happen to everyone, but over time everything passes. Without plunging into depression, they must be endured steadfastly. See adversity as a life lesson from which you can learn.
  2. An emotional outburst is not a help in solving problems. You need to learn to manage your emotions; they have a negative impact on the body. Finding a way out of this situation is within the power of the person who finds himself in it. From the outside, no one will make an important decision; it will not be possible to hide from problems. The answer to the question: “How important will this be in the future?” will help restore calm. This is how the scale of the problem is determined.
  3. Each person is individual with positive and negative character traits. Everyone has shortcomings. There are no ideal people. In the life of a living person there is always room for mistakes. Trying to become an ideal will lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction with yourself. Psychology recommends thinking less about flaws and looking more for your strengths.
  4. There are energy vampires among those around. Devastation, anger and anxiety appear after talking with them. Psychologists advise minimizing such communication or abandoning it altogether.
  5. Clarify the situation through dialogue with the interlocutor who hurt with words and actions. The main thing is not to attack or defend against it. The human soul, as a complex thing, is impossible to fully understand.
  6. Knowing your pain points well, be able to control yourself, even if the conversation touched and opened an old wound. Everyone has sensitive topics and issues. Some are concerned about the issue of excess weight, others about an unfulfilled career. By anticipating the reaction to certain questions, it becomes possible to control your own emotions.
  7. How to learn not to take everything to heart? Psychology advises to adhere to the rule of 3 times in life. When your interlocutor insults you once, it’s his fault. Perhaps it was a bad day, a bad mood. If offensive words were spoken a second time, then it is the listener’s fault. The third time should be the last. There is no need to communicate with individuals who constantly strive to offend and offend. It's better to be surrounded by positive people. They will have their own shortcomings, but they will not touch the pain points of the interlocutor.
  8. Criticism can be unconstructive and constructive. The first one offends a person. The second action is aimed at resolving the causes of disagreement. It is used to your advantage and benefit. The critic must learn to discriminate. How to stop taking everything to heart? Try to understand the people who criticize. Perhaps it is directed at everyone around him and the person himself suffers from it. It is necessary to take into account the upbringing of the interlocutor and the cultural values ​​​​instilled in him. Some, speaking in a raised voice, consider this to be the norm; for others, a loud voice is a disappointment.

Consequences of emotional overload

It has long been known that taking everything to heart is dangerous to health. Ancient books are replete with stories about compassionate people who were mowed down by an early death because they could not withstand the harshness of the life around them. Modern scientists have studied the phenomenon of high susceptibility and sorted out the consequences.

Nervous disorders

Anyone can get neurosis. Everyone has their own weak point, but vulnerable people are at high risk. If many factors can push you out of your comfort zone, your ability to resist stress becomes as depleted as your nervous system. At the same time, neuroses are often chosen by a person as a way to cope with an avalanche of negativity.

The following nervous disorders can be identified that affect people with a labile (susceptible) psyche:

  1. Neurasthenia is depletion of the nervous system. Manifests itself in increased fatigue, weakness, and irritability. There are three degrees of neurasthenia. In the most severe cases, the patient is given disability, as the ability to work is completely lost.
  2. Anxiety disorder. It manifests itself in increased anxiety, restlessness and a desire for isolation. Reasons: low self-esteem and painful perception of any critical comments.
  3. Panic disorder is attacks of inexplicable fear. It occurs as a reaction to a real threat to life or as a consequence of constant nervous tension.
  4. Phobias. They can have any color (fear of the dark, the open, space, snakes, spiders...), but one of the reasons is the overload of the psyche with negative emotions.
  5. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. These are the same phobias, but also with obsessive states. The same thoughts are constantly spinning in my head about something scary and terrible that could happen. To save himself, a person comes up with and performs various actions (compulsions) designed to protect him from a terrible fate.


Depression can be classified as a mental disorder of a hormonal nature. Sometimes people get it because there is not enough sun (serotonin deficiency), something bad happened in life, or simply the hormones went wrong. But for people who, like a sponge, absorb negativity from the world around them, this is a “native” disease.

Today is bad, yesterday is bad, tomorrow will be bad too, and the hormones get tired of fighting. The production of serotonin is suppressed and now it’s not just a bad mood, but a whole serious illness, treatment that will require a lot of time, effort and money.


We cannot ignore such a mental disorder as addiction. Constant stress has to be eaten with delicious food, washed down with alcohol, and hidden among empty Internet communication. There is no real life. There is only existence from “dose” to “dose”.

Food or Internet addiction is easier to bear and causes less harm. But instead of being a way to survive, to cope with negative emotions, they turn into a monster that eats up health and time. Real goals are not set, there are more and more failures. One terrible day you might find yourself a fat, sick loser with no friends or real life.

Psychosomatic illnesses

The cause of psychosomatic disorders is severe emotional experiences that provoke a bodily reaction in the organs and systems of the human body. The mechanism of this phenomenon is not fully understood, but scientists have no doubt that the primary cause is our emotions. The more negative experiences we have, the closer we take the life around us to our hearts, the greater the likelihood that we will get sick on a physical level.

The proven list of psychosomatic diseases is terrifying and amazing:

  1. Cardiac ischemia.
  2. Stage 2 diabetes, obesity.
  3. Bronchial asthma.
  4. Ulcerative colitis.
  5. Neurodermatitis.
  6. Ulcer of the stomach and duodenum.
  7. Rheumatoid arthritis.
  8. Intestinal colic, irritable bowel syndrome.
  9. Chronic pancreatitis.
  10. Infertility.
  11. Dyskinesia of the gallbladder.
  12. Psoriasis and eczema.

A person who takes everything to heart is much more susceptible to psychosomatics than an optimist who is accustomed to seeing good even in bad things. And here there is not even a question of whether we will get sick? The question is: how soon and with what. The type of psychosomatic disease depends on genetic predisposition, the state of the body and the type of negative emotions. Anger is more reflected in the gastrointestinal tract, sadness finds its place in the heart, and fear and a feeling of powerlessness - on the skin.

How not to take all the words of the offender to heart?

Disagreements can deprive even a calm interlocutor of self-control. Sensitive natures have the ability to let grievances pass through themselves, reacting painfully to what is happening. It is difficult for touchy people to live in this world. In this case, psychologists, in order not to constantly suffer, advise:

  1. Take into account not the words you hear, but evaluate their author. Boorish and rude behavior comes from helpless, notorious people. Is there any point in being offended by a weak person?
  2. Pay attention to the target of the offender. Perhaps his unpleasant joke or remark is caused by ordinary envy. In this case, he acts as a provocateur, anticipating a storm of emotions. Sometimes this behavior is a reason to stop communicating.
  3. Publicly uttered insults do not paint the offender. At the moment he is presenting himself in an unattractive light, and adequate people around him perceive it this way. They will not discuss the offended person.
  4. You should not listen to the opinions and criticism of semi-familiar people. Increase self-esteem and not focus on outside conversations.
  5. Keep the situation in your hands. Having heard offensive words from a loved one, let him know that he offended. Perhaps it did not occur to the interlocutor that the statement offended a loved one.

It's difficult to learn right away. It will take a long time to work on painful sensitivity.

An effective method to combat the problem

This method is often recommended by psychologists to patients who have a similar problem.

Every time you feel influenced by someone's comment or reaction, write down what you heard on a piece of paper. Write a literal quote. Some you understand what someone is talking about, and some you actually heard.

Writing will allow you to distance yourself from what was said, and it will be easier to change the way you understand those words.

Because it is not so much the words that hurt you, but the content you convey to them. So you don’t need to guess the meaning of the words spoken, you need to think them over carefully and come to the original meaning.

For example, you feel that someone did not give you time to finish. He quickly ended the conversation and said:

“I don’t have time now, I have to go, we’ll talk later.” In this situation, you are moved by the fact that something else is important to this person, and you feel rejected. You think of the words “I don’t have time right now...” as “you are not important to me.”

So, your task is to write the quote “I don’t have time, I have to go” and not write what you mean by it.

Look at this text and say what it says about this person. How else can you understand this statement? How could a stranger who heard this sentence understand it?

“I don’t have time, I have to go,” you can literally understand that this person has something to do. This person doesn't say anything about your importance or your relationship.

You think that for you the concept of time in this situation simply means that you are not important. Yes, of course you understand it that way, but the question is whether this person understands it too. Is there an equal sign for him between “I don’t have time” and “you’re not important”?

Think about yourself now, and what happened before in your relationship? Maybe there's a reason you feel rejected? Is this situation causing you to have doubts about what is happening now, whether it is about this person or something else entirely?

Most often, we expect rejection when we have doubts about our own worth or validity. What appears in your mind is actually meant for the other person's head. It's starting to look like he thinks so. You don't know the other person's thoughts. Any unspoken assessments of those around you are your own self-esteem. Therefore, if you value yourself, others will value you too.

How to learn not to take everything to heart: advice from a psychologist

These tips can help you not take everything to heart, cope with tension and leave negative emotions in the past:

  1. Accept the world around you as it is. It is the person himself who paints the episodes in white and black.
  2. Do not waste energy and strength wasting time on trifles.
  3. Constantly looking for an unfriendly attitude in your interlocutor’s speeches will not lead to good things. Instead of scrolling through your head the words that came out of an evil tongue, it is more useful to engage in self-development, family, and sports.
  4. Learn to love yourself first, and then those around you. Give yourself the right to rest. Everyone’s method of restoring strength is individual. Feelings will suggest the path to emotional inspiration, to choosing what will allow you to relax and unwind.
  5. Don't wait for approval from others. A person with low self-esteem depends on the opinions of others. A self-confident person will evaluate his successes and criticize himself.
  6. Every living person is individual in everything. There is nothing else this unique in the world, and you shouldn’t put yourself within the generally accepted framework. Use the advantages, work out the disadvantages.

How to stop taking everything to heart? Create space between yourself and emotions, control your reactions. This is possible with hard and long-term work on yourself on your own. A competent psychologist will help you change your reaction to events and stimuli.

IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.

The nature of heart vulnerability

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines especially vulnerable people as carriers of the visual vector. Born with enormous emotional amplitude, they have a wonderful, uncontrollable imagination. By nature they are able to react sensitively to everything that happens around them and experience everything that happens to them very deeply.

It is their heart, like no one else’s, that can endlessly love or endlessly fear and worry. It all depends on what emotional states a person is in. People with a visual vector pass everything through their hearts, be it something beautiful or terrible. It will echo emotionally in them, resonate like no other.

Their heart vulnerability is natural, that is, natural. They will never become different - tough, firm, decisive. They simply cannot react “like an elephant” if they say a harsh word.

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