For some reason, it is generally accepted that representatives of the fair sex experience the most severe psychological crises in adolescence and during menopause. Recently, the topic of PMS has been often exploited. But in reality, everything is a little more complicated.
Even the same premenstrual syndrome should be considered not so much a fault as a misfortune for a woman. And besides these hormonal imbalances, the fair half has many more reasons to experience not the best psychological states. A critical look at one’s own life is inherent not only to middle-aged men, and not only representatives of the stronger sex are trying to somehow realize themselves. Women do this too: some more successfully, some less successfully. And for some, their whole life seems to be going downhill. And the time comes to realize this...
Symptoms of the crisis
In women, a midlife crisis often manifests itself with the following symptoms:
- anxiety;
- irritation;
- mood swings;
- conflict;
- desire to live (feeling of pressing deadlines);
- feeling of loneliness;
- loss of vitality;
- pessimistic views about the future;
- feeling of hopelessness;
- dissatisfaction with your education;
- feeling of limited choice of place to work;
- decrease in physical strength and attractiveness;
- contradiction between plans, desires and reality.
Thus, 4 groups of signs can be distinguished:
- emotional (from depression to negativism);
- cognitive (thoughts about divorce, search for the meaning of life, reassessment of views);
- behavioral (conflicts, addictions);
- hormonal or physiological (decreased libido, somatic diseases, menopause).
By category, men and women experience the same symptoms, but depending on gender, their manifestations differ slightly.
Career and self-realization
The age crisis in women, associated with their work activity and self-realization, is very reminiscent of male depression. Constant bustle, running around and a catastrophic lack of time lead to a gloomy mood and cause stress. If you do nothing, depression will not keep you waiting. To avoid this outcome, you need to diversify your leisure time: you can take up dancing or learn to embroider. The activity can be absolutely anything, the main thing is that it should bring pleasure and joy.
Models of crisis behavior
In women during the midlife crisis, 4 behavior patterns are observed.
- Comparison of the effort expended with the result. Typical for those who started building a career early.
- Regrets about unrealized potential. This is typical for those who have forgotten about their career and devoted themselves to their family.
- Life restructuring (new profession and hobbies, sometimes new love).
- Attempts to prolong youth or at least middle age. This is typical for those who got married early or started an independent life early.
Empty nest syndrome
Do you know why one of the most difficult periods in a woman’s life falls during a midlife crisis, and naturally aggravates its course? How could it be otherwise, since many women often see children as the main meaning of their lives. But the chicks, having fledged, fly away into adulthood, leaving the mother alone with her thoughts and feelings.
Most men are not so worried about the separation of their heirs from their homeland. And for a woman, sometimes this becomes a real tragedy.
If the family was based solely on the child and there are no other common affairs with the spouse, then the situation becomes catastrophically dangerous.
After so many years, coming face to face with an aging spouse without common topics of conversation is quite a challenge. And, if the relationship has been cracking for a long time, then during this period the marriage may simply fall apart.
Some women, not wanting to give up, begin to jealously look after their already adult children. But this only leads to new quarrels and scandals. As a result, the woman begins to broadcast negative thoughts like: “I gave them everything, and they... (come up with the continuation yourself).”
Causes of the crisis
The cause of the crisis is the contradiction between plans and desires in significant categories of life and realities (the inability to satisfy an urgent need). Significant categories in middle age for women are:
- family,
- health,
- self confidence,
- spiritual satisfaction,
- Love,
- Liberty,
- individuality,
- development.
Accordingly, a feeling of discomfort in any of these areas or in several can provoke a crisis. For example, awareness of loneliness, spiritual emptiness, personal stagnation, “confinement” at work or within the walls of the house.
However, most often, as researchers note, contradictions arise in the areas of health, family, self-confidence, love, spiritual satisfaction and material well-being (independence). It is worth noting that each category is closely related to the others. For example, failures in love can cause self-doubt. Financial disadvantage - health problems.
The following factors can aggravate the crisis in women:
- real loneliness;
- unemployment or temporary work;
- real depression;
- anticipation of approaching menopause.
Let's look at some possible causes of the women's crisis in more detail.
Professional stagnation
If a woman goes on or returns from maternity leave, a problem such as loss of professional motivation may arise (especially if the profession was chosen incorrectly). That is, a woman becomes so accustomed to the role of a housewife that she no longer wants or cannot work.
Sometimes the situation is aggravated by the specific nature of the profession or the rhythm of life. By this I mean the need for constant professional development, retraining and self-education. That is, a middle-aged woman, and even on maternity leave, can literally find herself “overboard.” Or she will quickly find a younger and more ambitious replacement, albeit with less experience, but open to new learning.
However, as statisticians note, women cope more easily with a crisis associated with professional activity:
- firstly, they are less likely than men to understand that they have chosen the wrong path;
- secondly, by nature they have a wide profile of inclinations, which allows them to find themselves in an alternative type of activity.
Fear of loneliness
For women, the midlife crisis is more often based on an awareness of loneliness, that is, we are talking about marriage and children. The specificity is that the problem is not in finding your soulmate, but in avoiding loneliness. This includes the thought “I’m 35, and I don’t have a kitten, a child, or a man.” And attempts begin to “jump” into any direction, which often ends in new experiences.
Family
Repeated and late marriage for middle-aged women is dangerous not only because of the crisis of everyday life itself, but also because of identity problems. As psychotherapist Erik Erikson noted, a change of surname can result in an identity crisis, that is, self-determination of belonging.
The birth of a child (first or second and subsequent ones) can also result in disagreements. Between children or child and husband. The basis of every misunderstanding is the “sharing” of a woman’s attention.
Fear of death
For women (as well as men), a crisis based on the fear of old age and death is popular. The realization that a person is no longer growing up, but aging, does not give peace. If at the same time you still don’t like something about yourself, your life, then 2 options for the development of events are possible.
- Endowing hateful characteristics with an object and then removing it from life (“It’s all my fault...”). Oddly enough, it could be a spouse, a loved one, or work. Then a new object is found, which, according to expectations, should restore its former youth. However, over time it becomes clear that you cannot run away from yourself. This is how casual love affairs often arise.
- The second option is to preserve the object, despite the obvious deterioration of the relationship. For women, this is also closely related to family life. “We have children, we’ve been through so much.”
It is worth noting that women prefer the second option.
How to deal with the situation
A difficult period of life requires the ability to relax and find time to rest. Some simple but effective methods include the following:
- Don't isolate yourself.
- Analyze your attitude towards work. If it really has ceased to bring satisfaction, try to find something new.
- Dissatisfaction with the behavior of loved ones should be considered from a different perspective. We must try to understand them, perhaps we should change our behavior, and then everything will work out. The desire to be weak and offended should not be constant. Those around you also need understanding, sympathy, warmth and affection.
- Having recognized the crisis, it is advisable to make efforts to diversify life, set new goals - courses, interest clubs, language learning, master classes. These changes will bring satisfaction and will leave no room for boredom, laziness and self-flagellation.
Life is beautiful, there should be no place for despair . But in order to overcome the natural state associated with the age crisis, a woman should not only reconsider her attitude towards work, loved ones, children, but also follow simple rules:
- balance your diet - include vegetables, fruits, and cereals;
- exclude fatty foods from the diet;
- limit alcohol consumption;
- Be sure to do morning exercises to prevent the appearance of excess weight, and also to get a boost of energy for the whole day.
In order not to leave room for sad thoughts, think less about how to survive a difficult period. It is necessary to communicate more with interesting people, share your experiences and impressions at psychological trainings and seminars.
Interesting facts about midlife crisis in women
I would like to introduce you, dear readers, to some interesting facts that were revealed during a number of psychological experiments and studies.
- Women who grew up with one parent are more susceptible to midlife crises. However, girls from foster families do not have high rates.
- Women with family problems (addictions, loneliness, conflicts, financial problems) have a more difficult time experiencing a midlife crisis.
- The midlife crisis is more pronounced among female team members than among social workers, bosses or organizers.
- Women in crisis are always dissatisfied with their profession.
- For married and unmarried women, the family has the same value, but the importance of education, social life and hobbies is lower for married women.
- Married women value self-development, social activity and communication, individuality, and spiritual growth less highly.
- Married women value material goods more than unmarried women.
- For divorced women, their own prestige is more important.
- One of the main differences between middle-aged women and men at the same stage of life is sexual activity. The peak of female sexuality occurs at 26-30 years old, and the decline begins only after 60.
Forms of manifestation
Nervousness and irritability are far from the only signs of an ongoing crisis. At first glance, this is an ordinary blues, accompanied by a sharp change in mood, dissatisfaction, depression and depression.
Often, this attitude provokes rash actions that lead to discord in the family and the breakdown of strong family relationships. A woman wants to change something in order to free herself from oppressive despondency.
Various methods are used - from changing your hairstyle, shopping, looking for entertainment to drinking alcohol..
Does this give relief? Hardly. Depression doesn't go away.
It would be more prudent to understand the reason for what is happening, find out what it is, familiarize yourself with the reasons, signs of the condition and try to adequately overcome the difficulties associated with it.
Recommendations for overcoming the crisis
First of all, I recommend visiting a specialist. The crisis situation cannot be viewed in general terms. To develop a specific action plan, you need to know all the personality characteristics (for this you need to carry out a series of diagnostics, observation), the causes of the crisis (life history, value orientations) and much more. Man is a unique object of science. There are no uniform instructions for it. This is the beauty (and challenge).
If a visit to a psychologist is not yet possible, then I recommend trying to understand yourself using the following steps.
- Take your time with active actions, give preference to mental operations and studying the situation. Accept the current situation. Divide the overall task (problem) into subtasks. Select the main and real ones (those that you can complete).
- Don’t neglect outside support: friends, children, spouse, literature.
- Be active (education, work, communication with people who are interesting and significant to you).
- Try to change your attitude towards the current situation, accept yourself and it.
- Write down the advantages of the new position.
Remember that midlife crisis is a subjective concept. It’s not a fact that every woman will encounter it. But probably everyone has heard about him. That is, there may be a fact of contrition.
Enjoy your new stage of life! You are wise, experienced, beautiful. Your natural inclinations and potential have not gone away; on the contrary, they are supported by a huge knowledge base and practice.
Stabilization
A successful exit from a crisis involves reformatting a person’s consciousness towards an adequate real understanding of life and its limitations. Maintaining a harmonious family and relationships becomes a priority, while one's own selfishness is relegated to the background .
A woman who has emerged from a crisis with a breakthrough in personal growth realizes how important it is to enjoy what you have, without paying much attention to things that are likely to remain unattainable. Thus, there is a tendency towards satisfaction with one’s own position and place in life.
All this marks the onset of a period of stability, an age of wisdom and understanding of life priorities . For many women, the process of renewal, launched with the onset of the crisis, ultimately leads to a calm and happy life.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
External changes
Women react very painfully to any external manifestations of their age. A new wrinkle or gray hair can ruin their mood for a long time. The natural changes that occur in the body are difficult to correct, so women fall into despair.
Those women who are accustomed to being the center of male attention and arousing admiration react especially acutely to age-related changes. And they have no choice but to learn to be attractive at both 40 and 60 years old. To achieve this, youth outfits and makeup will not be enough. You need to radiate inner confidence in your irresistibility and love yourself at any age. There is no need to compete with girls of 20 years old, sometimes an experienced woman looks much sexier.
Turning point at 50 years
The crisis of 50 years in women may manifest itself a little differently than at 30-40 years old. The woman has already gotten used to her new body, has come to terms with the fact that age-related changes are inevitable, and has accepted menopause as a given. Experts call this period “new identity.” According to statistics, at this age a woman can cheat on her husband or commit another act that can ruin her life. To avoid trouble, you must always remember that a momentary stupidity is not worth erasing all your achievements. You need to learn to enjoy what you have and strive for the best without destroying your past.
Why is he coming?
The euphoria of youth, when it seems that you are immortal and the whole world can submit to you - you just need to try hard or be a little luckier than others, gradually declines, giving way to a sober outlook on life .
When summing up personal results, it turns out:
- Strength is no longer restored so quickly, and the appearance insists on more attention from the owner . A bow - like in childhood, lipstick and clean hair - like in youth, and even a stylish outfit is no longer enough. If you want to look good, be kind enough to follow a daily routine, adjust your diet taking into account beneficial microelements, use masks, paints and the services of spa workers. And don’t forget about fitness.
- There are excellent career achievements, most likely, there are problems in your personal life - a few exceptions . She devoted most of her adult life to her family - by the age of 40 this no longer seems like a great feat, and ahead of her is the feeling of being useless to her children - they have grown up, to her husband - there are so many young girls around, hunting for mature men with good incomes.
- The mirror treacherously “slips in” a picture with wrinkles . Libra does not want to connive and contemptuously issues confirmation that Sunday get-togethers with girlfriends in a pizzeria, a pastry shop - there was just one pie - were not in vain.
- For girlfriends, “the grass is greener on the lawn . Some go abroad for work every month, some have a child at Harvard, others have opened their second or tenth company. There are thousands of options where your achievements look really or artificially pathetic.
- Examples from the environment where familiar middle-aged ladies not only stopped receiving compliments from other men, but also lost attractiveness in the eyes of their own halves . Pity for them gradually eats away the path of fear in one’s own soul - a little more and the same fate is in store.
As a result, it turns out that you have been running and striving somewhere all your life, and the result is nothing but sadness. And there are 3-4 decades left ahead of life, or even less. And you will have to live through them far from the same amount of strength that was given initially.
In other words, there is a reassessment of values, typical of a person who has been developing and accumulating life experience for decades.
The old “shell” is pressing on the new worldview, since it is going through a stage of emergency expansion , and this process is always painful. It was the wise Kaa who said that shedding is always difficult.
Effect of hormones
A woman must realize that now she is on the threshold of a new life, so all horizons are open to her; it is enough to find her way. People often waste time building castles in the air.
At this age, women experience hormonal changes, which naturally lead to sudden mood changes. There is no need to give in to emotions and invent problems for yourself that actually do not exist. Women tend to exaggerate and hype themselves up. But this will not lead to anything good, it will only provoke new stress. There is no need to compare yourself with others and friends; it is important to work on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself.
