What should I do if I'm boring? Advice from a psychologist: how to change and transform your life

Even the strongest and happiest couples are not immune from periods when the relationship begins to boil down to the indifferent routine phrase “How was your day?”, and instead of spending time together, the couple each goes into their own corner.

Often on forums dedicated to family relationships you can often read messages on the topic “the guy is bored with me, please advise what can be done.” The current situation does not mean that the couple should necessarily separate and try to find a happy family life somewhere else.

Before you give up on an existing relationship, you should try to understand why this happened and try to make the relationship brighter.

Basic specialist help

Before radically changing your lifestyle, psychologists advise performing an internal introspection, sorting out your desires and preferences, and understanding for yourself what kind of person you are. Subconsciously ask the question: “Why am I boring? Why can’t I be happy with myself in everyday life?” Another misconception is that girls believe that the root of evil lies in their lack of interest, which can manifest itself in awkward, incorrect opinions in communication with others. Self-criticism is useful, but in limited quantities; you shouldn’t flirt with it; tormenting the body with negative thoughts is fraught with long-term illnesses, both psychological and physical. Take yourself apart, not literally, of course, open up your possibilities. Remember that your “boringness” lies precisely in your hidden character; you are afraid to express yourself, to speak out, in order to avoid human condemnation. It is important to understand that you will not be crippled for your opinion and that your opinion has a well-deserved place in this world.

Often irritated

A bored guy is always irritated. He may show a negative reaction in response to the words, actions, and emotions of his partner. Even a girl’s appearance or her facial expressions can cause rejection. This behavior can be explained simply - the young man realizes that he is not spending his time the way he would like. He can understand with his mind that the girl is not to blame for anything, but all the negativity will be directed at her in any case.

The situation gets even worse if the partner begins to show jealousy, demand explanations, and make trouble. This completely drives the guy crazy.

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Knowing your personality

Understanding your individuality is, in fact, an interesting activity, since self-knowledge can lead you into the secluded corners of your heart and amaze you with the unpredictability of the results. The idea that you are a boring girl will leave you completely as you explore your capabilities, talents and preferences. Try to create a list of what you have tried in life, for example, what places you have visited, what cuisine you have tasted, whether you have made rash acts, important decisions that once changed your life. If you are not a ten-year-old child, then the list will be impressive; it is important to simply remember even the little things that are not clearly expressed. Highlight the points that are a priority among the rest, clap your hands for the work done, conclusions about yourself should come naturally, first of all, that you are not hopeless.

Unlocking possibilities, overcoming boundaries

If the thought “I’m boring” is still spinning in your head, despite completing the feats on the list, it’s time to resort to the unknown. Surely, desires have awakened that have not yet been encountered in your modest life: to learn basic sewing techniques, to move a brush on canvas, to make designer stocking dolls, to kick a ball on a football field, to learn the art of makeup. A million examples can be given of how one can develop in various directions if one wishes. As a rule, we build barriers ourselves, but there are no barriers to the beginning of personal development, even at retirement age.

Shock therapy, or unusual circumstances

“So what should I do if I’m boring and don’t notice interesting features in myself, despite the fact that throughout my life I’ve been engaged in different activities?” For such “blind” girls, individual advice is psychological shock therapy. Have you jumped with a parachute, scuba dived, swam with resourceful dolphins or, conversely, with bloodthirsty sharks, staged a fire show, shouted on a crowded street, how happy are you? No? Then what are we waiting for? Go ahead, towards extravagant actions that are not typical for you! Believe me, the sky-high adrenaline will do its significant work, cause a global storm of emotions, pleasant memories that will be enough to share with your loved ones and acquaintances, and there will be something to tell about to unfamiliar friends. You will undoubtedly feel how at this stage of development your individuality is revealed, and then you will want to continue again and again.

Male psychology

The fact that the strong half of humanity perceives a love affair differently is no secret to anyone. Therefore, it is important when quarrels or conflicts arise to adequately approach the search for a compromise and take into account the peculiarities of the male point of view. This does not mean at all that you need to adapt to it. A woman should love and value herself, but at the same time be able to convey her opinion to her partner in the most understandable way for him.

So, among the features of male psychology it is worth highlighting:

  • Not emotionality. The vast majority of men can express their affection in a few words, and this does not mean that they are not overwhelmed with love.
  • Reluctance to admit mistakes. Nobody really wants to admit them, but unlike emotional women, it takes time for men to realize that they are wrong.
  • Fear of serious relationships. The man should be the first to talk about a future together; direct hints unconsciously repel even those who are ready to get married.
  • Understanding only direct, clear instructions. Don't expect vague hints to be fulfilled as expected. Refuse them, express your desires and complaints directly, but delicately.
  • Men's friendship does not stop when a family appears. If married friends are often unavailable, then married and single friends will still meet and spend evenings together. There is no need to be faced with a choice; it is better to find a common language with his social circle.
  • The importance of contact. Long distance relationships rarely have a happy ending. Not only intimacy, but also the ability to see and smell the beloved is necessary to continue the connection. Otherwise, when a more accessible companion appears, the man switches to her.

Men rarely change their habits when a constant companion appears; you should not expect drastic changes.

Professional growth is a consequence of a developing personality

Depressed clients visit psychologists when they think they have a boring job, what to do in this case? The answer is simpler than they think - it’s worth changing the place of your usual location. Deceived by their desires, even in their youth, teenagers place bets on their chosen specialization at an institute, technical school or any other educational institution. The problem lies in unformed views, immaturity of character, lack of experience, which entails the wrong choice of a profession in which it is quite possible to grow into a respectable employee, but at the same time you can actually become unhappy. According to deplorable statistics, 70-80% of people go to jobs they don’t like every day; naturally, most of them are not satisfied with their field of activity and do not achieve any results. Being happy is a multifaceted concept, everyone has their own happiness, but the priority is to find yourself, to find out what you really like. It’s never too late to know yourself, to realize yourself in other areas of life, perhaps your calling is to make children happy, organize special events, and meanwhile you are sitting in the office over dreary documents.

The impact of characteristic changes on personal life

A woman’s heart is created for love, affection, passionate relationships; for the sake of their loved one, girls are able to change, adapt, become better in all their manifestations in order to please their precious chosen one. There are not isolated cases when a girl at an appointment with a psychologist shares something unpleasant: “The other day I was on a date, everything seemed to be going well, but at the end of the evening the guy said that I was boring, and it’s unlikely that anything serious would work out between us.” " Agree, it really affects self-esteem and makes you think about your own behavior. Females, by their strategic nature, are able to think through topics for conversation, seemingly relaxed gestures, and an attractive image before going to meet a man. But this is not enough to win the proper attention of a man; it is quite possible to confuse the tactics of behavior with a specific chosen one, because you do not know what exactly this handsome man wants. So that at the end of a promising evening you don’t sit with a questioning look: “Am I boring?” It is necessary throughout the entire period of conscious age to develop in all directions, to learn sciences that are not familiar to you, but interesting in their significance, to touch upon “male” topics: cars, fishing, sports, weapons, hunting. All-round development, even in small quantities, is useful for communicating with the opposite sex; interest only in female beauty and sex appeal is unlikely to last for a long time.

He Loses Comparisons: 9 Signs You're Bored in This Relationship

If this happens more than once a week, it is a very alarming sign.

You don't answer his calls, although you always have your phone with you

You just don’t want to hear his voice again.

He says that yesterday he was sitting with friends and joked so much that the whole room laughed. And you answer that he made a clown of himself.

You compare him to others

And you say it out loud, especially if the comparison is not in his favor.

You don't like his touch

In some cases, you simply jump away from him, causing confusion.

You don't like his interests

For example, he suggests going to his favorite restaurant, and you roll your eyes and say that you haven’t eaten steak in ages. Even worse, you don't want to eat around him at all.

You spend more time at work

Of course, this is better than going to a bar and looking for adventure there, but it’s worth thinking about why you don’t want to return home.

Don't want to discuss future plans

Vacations, weddings, children - all the things that you may have already discussed are now of no interest to you.

You tell him openly that you're tired.

And this is perhaps the most important indicator that your relationship needs a burst of fresh air. Or, alas, they have outlived their usefulness.

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It's time to turn your inner world upside down

It is commendable when a person wants to change completely and completely, give up bad habits, change his style, create a certain creative image, even if not understandable to everyone, and at the same time attract immediate interest in his individuality, stop being boring and tedious. Extravagance is welcomed in such cases when you fundamentally want to change your life, change your type of activity, change your manner of communication, or show shocking expressions of feelings. The most important aspect is self-confidence, self-confidence, decisiveness in actions. Don’t be afraid to show dissatisfaction or, on the contrary, admiration; they will hear you, therefore, they will notice and will be obliged to listen in the future if you do not slow down your persistence in certain circumstances. The banal phrase “everything is in your hands” has a direct place in the life of any person, even the most inconspicuous and quiet one, who is also capable of turning the world upside down.

Nonverbal signs of sympathy

During acquaintance, first dates, unconscious actions and behavior will say more about feelings than words and promises. The ability to correctly read poses and glances will allow you to accurately determine your partner’s intentions. Of course, there is always a risk of stumbling upon a true womanizer, an expert in psychology, skillfully mastering and controlling non-verbal techniques. But even they will not risk intoxicating the one who, instead of putting on rose-colored glasses, filters the incoming fluids.

A man truly in love tries in every possible way to get closer to the girl, his body and gaze are turned to her, he tries to present himself in the best possible way, straightening his hair, straightening his shoulders. As the conversation continues, he listens attentively, is not distracted by random interlocutors, tries to casually touch his hand or straighten his hair. He notices changes in behavior, asks about hobbies, offers help, introduces friends. He does not put on a performance filled with sugary compliments, and does not forget the little things said.

Each person has his own temperament, some are lost in the presence of the object of love, others, on the contrary, try to bring themselves into the spotlight. But those who pursue only the goal of getting what they want are betrayed by forcing the development of dialogue, lack of concentration and placing emphasis exclusively in the chosen direction.

A fast path to a fulfilling life

If you decide to change, you are not going to stop at any difficulties, improve, develop, become attractive to most people, take a worthy position in society, then it is time to take several steps towards realizing hidden opportunities, talents and desires. Psychologists provide a modest list of sequential steps for self-improvement:

  1. Stop telling yourself, “I'm boring.” Otherwise, you won’t be in an optimistic mood. It is known that lack of self-confidence gives rise to passivity and self-confidence in life.
  2. Look “into yourself” with the help of a mirror, study every feature of your face, the depth of your eyes, the thoughtfulness of your gaze, look for what you don’t notice in others and identify features that are unique to you. Love yourself, understand that you are not like you, and this is an individuality.
  3. A lot of trainings, both individual and group, are carried out in modern society, which has ceased to be wild and is well accepted by people; moreover, attendance at trainings on personal growth is increasing every year. When studying courses on adaptation to life circumstances and personality development, it is easy to find new friends with whom you will also find common interests and topics for conversation.
  4. Do not focus on the opinions of others, this can lead you into a stupor in life at a crucial moment of decision-making; be without a doubt confident in your own abilities and unshakable energy.
  5. It is worth choosing interesting areas of activity in which focus will not fade, but will only gain momentum in full force, thus really transforming from a boring scientist into an unpredictable showman. Reveal yourself, learn and believe only in your own strength.
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