Relationships with a married man: advice from a psychologist, what a single woman should do, should she date if she loves her, what is the right thing to do from a psychological point of view if she is married

When choosing someone else's husband as a partner, women do not even think about what a relationship with a married man will lead to and how it will affect their psychological state. A forbidden relationship attracts with passion, unpredictability, lack of routine and obligations. Often this format suits girls. But people are not robots. Even freedom-loving people strive for certainty and confidence in the future. This is where the trap slams shut, and the mistress falls into the trap of exhausting love.

You should not appeal to exceptional cases, believing that the negative consequences of a relationship with a married man can be avoided. This delusion forces you to agree to relationships with traitors who play a double game and make the participants in the resulting triangle unhappy. Falling in love clouds the minds of girls. Throwing themselves into the pool headlong, they drown in lies because of a person who does not know how to solve problems within the family. In the struggle for such love, it is worth preparing for the consequences of a relationship with a married man that will arise in the life of a lover.

Why does a married man have relationships outside of marriage?

The psychology of a married man explains that he has a relationship with a free woman by the fact that he is missing something in his marriage. It could be sex, tenderness, or just friendly, warm communication, which you no longer get with your wife. This happens in most cases after many years of living together, passions no longer boil, life has settled down and the man wants new experiences. He lacks affection and warm words; his wife has stopped admiring and praising him, although she previously did this regularly.

In modern families, especially those created under the yoke of obligations (for example, the birth of a child), an agreement is often concluded on the non-interference of spouses in everyone’s personal life. In this case, the spouse’s intrigues are not perceived by the wife as betrayal, and the man does not feel guilty. It will be easier for a woman to date such a person.

However, in traditional families, the spouse will not simply give up her husband. And a man, for the sake of his mistress, will not destroy his family and leave his wife, to whom he has certain obligations. It is worth understanding that such relationships extremely rarely end in divorce and new marriage. For the stronger sex, this is just an affair that provides an outlet and an emotional shake-up. In fact, most people prefer stability, home comfort and warmth.

Benefits of an extramarital affair

Some women deliberately enter into a relationship with a “ringed” man:

For young women pursuing a career and lacking time for family, such relationships can be useful. They will help you gain the necessary experience of communicating with a man.
If you don’t yet want a long-term relationship with a man, this option may be convenient for you: freedom in the presence of a permanent partner for intimacy.
If a man “went to the left” because he was “stuck” by everyday life, a romantic relationship awaits you: flowers, sweets, gifts, restaurants. You will not be burdened with its “maintenance”: cooking, washing, ironing, and so on.
If his problem is sex, you will have it of high quality and variety. With you, he will make up for everything that he lacks in marriage.
Some married women take lovers to assert themselves. This way they not only get a thrill, but also confirm their attractiveness.
There is a lot of drive and novelty in a forbidden relationship. If you lack adrenaline, then this is what you need.

How does psychology explain the union of a free woman with a married man?

On the part of a woman, the psychology of relationships with a married man considers such a union from two points of view:

practical union. A man is considered by a woman as a source of cash injections and she is quite satisfied with an open relationship and meetings from time to time. He is successful, well-groomed, he is only interested in the sexual side of relationships, and he does not ask for anything in return. Self-confident women who do not strive for marriage are usually completely satisfied with this state of affairs. In addition, such an alliance allows you to improve your shaky financial situation;
romantic union. This type of relationship is built on misconceptions. The woman is confident in her exclusivity and firmly believes that the man will leave his wife in the near future. She sincerely believes that with her this man will finally find what he lacks in marriage, that she will be the best wife and is ready to wait for her beloved indefinitely. Usually, insecure women find themselves in this position, believing that there are not enough good men for everyone, and they are ready to endlessly be in the background just to stay with their loved one.

In any case, a woman understands that she is not the main thing in a man’s life, it’s just that in the first case she doesn’t need it.

Is marriage really the highest value?

After meeting with the psychologist, I thought a lot about this. I understand what marriage is. This is a legal act that strengthens the couple’s relationship and moves it to the level of property responsibility. Thus, marriage is more beneficial for the partner who is more interested in maintaining the relationship and the responsibility of the other partner. Can a person love, but not intend to marry? Certainly. When he is happy with the level of freedom, like his partner. Is this okay with me? For the first time I thought of this not as something terrible, but as a normal redistribution of resources. There is a man with his needs, his wife and I, with mine.

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How to build a relationship with a married man: advice from a psychologist

Psychologists warn that such relationships cannot be strong. A married man can break off the relationship at any time without any explanation and return to his wife. After all, in an alliance with a free woman, a married man cannot have any obligations to her. However, it happens that a man is truly unhappy in his marriage and divorce is the best way out of the situation for him. If he is in no hurry to make a final decision, you should not rush him into it. Relationships with a married man - advice from a psychologist for a single girl:

you need to try to get closer to your loved one as closely as possible. Men are reluctant to share their secrets with their mistress, but if you force him to trust and open up, success is almost completely guaranteed;
Do not put pressure on him under any circumstances. A man usually looks for an outlet on the side precisely because his wife puts pressure on him. You must be able to listen to your loved one, provide support, and become more than just a lover for him. But also a friend;
do not pull the blanket on yourself; the final solution to various issues should be left to him. This will give a feeling of ease in such a union, and this is exactly what a man needs;
Don’t ring the bell at every corner about the affair that happened. A man must decide to make the relationship public; in this case, he should come out of the shadows and be able to stand up for himself.

By planning meetings with a married man on the advice of a psychologist, a calculating woman has a good chance of winning him back from his wife.

You may not be the first

If he seems to have no real intention of leaving his wife for you, you may not be his first "lover."

As sad as it is, you may not even be the only one, although that would require some serious organizational skills on his part. After all, it’s quite difficult to fit three women into a week. No matter how special he makes you feel, you will never know if you are truly alone or standing in a long line.

Psychology of correct behavior of a free woman with a married man

Even if the chances of taking a man away from the family are small, if the woman behaves correctly, they increase many times over. She must understand that communication with her is not a desire to radically change something in life, but simply a way to relax, unwind and give vent to emotions. Therefore, a man’s decision to leave his wife must be pushed very carefully, so as not to frighten him if he suddenly decides that he is being pressured.

A relationship with a married man, from a psychological point of view, implies a sober assessment by a woman of the current situation. The whole complexity of the relationship lies in the fact that the mistress has no right to demand anything from him. You need to understand that men often engage in extramarital affairs, not because they want to escape family life, but because they are looking for a way to complement it.

Psychologists believe that in order for a man to want to stay with his mistress, she must be able to behave correctly in communication with him:

avoid criticizing his wife. Years lived with his wife will force him to come to her defense, and this does not contribute to strengthening the relationship with his mistress. In addition, by speaking negatively about his missus, the girl questions his initial choice, which on a subconscious level will push him away from his mistress;
do not tell anyone, especially your wife, about the flared-up romance. A wife may well force her husband to leave his mistress by exerting moral pressure and blackmailing him with children;
make it clear to the man as often as possible that he is very important in her life, subtly hinting that he is no longer the head of the family for a long time;
be active sexually, because this is what led to the birth of a relationship.

It often happens that having fallen in love, a girl can no longer imagine life without the person dear to her. By following these simple rules, she will be able to keep a married man near her for a long time. However, a psychologist’s advice will help build a harmonious relationship with a married man only if the woman is fully aware of the place she occupies in a man’s life.

Cheated wives

When a woman finds out that her husband has fallen out of love, she is lost and does not know what to do now. But here it’s worth doing the opposite, that is, you don’t need to get lost. First of all, you should still make sure that a married man has fallen in love, signs of which should appear in his behavior. After all, no matter how the husband tries to hide his feelings for another woman, the wife will still soon feel the changes that are happening to him.

It is known that usually spouses who live together for a long time have perfectly studied each other’s behavior, so they immediately notice any changes in the behavior of their other half. Moreover, when a spouse experiences serious sympathy for another, not only his behavior changes, but also his mood.

If a married man has fallen in love with a married woman, the signs will help determine this. So, there will no longer be any sexual relations between the spouses. He will always find a reason to just sleep. For example, he may say that tomorrow they can pay attention to each other, or that he is very tired, or that his head suddenly begins to hurt.

A sign that a married man has fallen in love with a young woman is the use of good perfume. Also unexpectedly, the spouse begins to carefully monitor his appearance: he changes his clothing style, can go in for sports and even get a fashionable haircut. But still, the main sign of a man’s love is his phone, which is constantly with him, as if he is afraid to let it go.

Sometimes a spouse, realizing that he is guilty before his former beloved, may avoid any contact with her or, on the contrary, tries to surround her with even greater care.

You can often see women who begin their messages on the Internet with the words: “A married man has fallen in love with me, but I don’t know what to do.” But in an even more incomprehensible situation, a wife finds herself, who is being deceived and she does not know what to do now: remain silent and reconcile, pretending that nothing is happening, or destroy the family and divorce the unfaithful.

It is desirable that the spouses can calmly talk to each other and find out what they both want. According to psychology, it is not difficult to understand that a married man has fallen in love with a married woman; it is more difficult to understand why he needs this. After all, most often this is just a passing hobby, since he received insufficient attention from his wife during this period. If, after all, this is a real feeling, then you should decide how the spouses will continue to live. Maybe it would be better for them to separate after all.

Relationship between a married man and a married woman

Such relationships are easier, because the woman does not need him to leave the family. For him, such relationships are more preferable, because married mistresses are usually undemanding, and in the same way they want to keep the affair a secret. They do not demand expensive gifts, do not insist on breaking up with their wife, they are completely satisfied with the existing state of affairs. Married women break off relations with their lover more simply and easily, without making a drama out of it, without threatening to tell everything to their legal spouse. Therefore, men often look for a mistress among married ladies.

To the question of what to do if you fall in love with a married man and you are married yourself, psychology answers ambiguously. On the one hand, a certain outburst of emotions will benefit a woman, especially if there has been tension in relationships in the family recently. If a woman has a strong character, then psychologists advise enjoying life and enjoying such a union. It is noticed that in most cases such relationships end after 2-3 years, as soon as the novelty wears off and the passion subsides.

On the other hand, married women often feel guilty before their lover's spouse and before their own husband. She begins to experience mental anguish, stress after each meeting, and dissatisfaction with herself. Even after breaking off relations with her lover, she remains depressed and needs psychological help to find peace of mind. Without the provision of qualified assistance, the wife’s torment is eventually noticed by the husband and begins to suspect something.

Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin provides similar assistance. In addition, you can watch many useful videos on his YouTube channel that will help you come to the right decision.

Will he leave his wife?

Mistresses quite often hear stories from their lovers about how they have to suffer and suffer next to unworthy and worthless wives. However, they are in no hurry to leave the family. Why is this happening?

It is convenient for a man to “sit on two chairs.” At home, he is surrounded by the care and attention of his wife, who does not suspect anything or has resigned herself to the situation. The mistress constantly expresses her sympathy for him. He receives emotions, positivity, warmth from her.
“Habit has been given to us from above; it is a substitute for happiness,” asserted the famous classic. At home, everything is familiar and familiar to a man: an established life, family holidays, mutual friends. Here he knows his area of responsibility. Another thing is a new family. Fear of the unknown and laziness prevent him from destroying his comfort zone.
He is a good father and does not leave because of his children, because he truly loves them, values their peace and happiness. He is afraid of hurting them, especially at a time when they so need his care and support.
He does not want to exchange his wife for his mistress, because he does not see the point in it. It is impossible to live as a guest in a family. Living together is always associated with solving problems, which entails a clarification of relationships. The mistress will address him with the same claims and demands that the wife is now making.
A man does not see his mistress as the mistress of the house and the mother of his children. It’s only comfortable to spend your leisure time with her.

Only a small percentage of men leave the family. In order for him to decide to take this step, your love must be strong, strong, real. In reality this is rare. Most often, a man uses his mistress as an outlet, without having the feelings for her that he talks about. If a man sincerely wants to be with a woman, then the presence of children cannot prevent the breakup of the relationship. When there is no mutual understanding between father and mother, constant quarrels traumatize them more than the father's departure. In order to leave, you need to have great courage, inner core and fortitude. They will help you cope with feelings of guilt towards family members. In most cases, it turns out that the man is not ready to make such sacrifices, so such relationships are mostly unpromising. With the appearance of a mistress, divorce in the family is possible if it is initiated by the wife or if even before the start of the affair the marriage was cracking at the seams.

Relationships with a married man: commentary from a psychologist

Psychologists say that the union of a free woman and a married man has no future. A man takes a mistress if he has difficult family relationships, but he does not intend to destroy the marriage. He has sex with his mistress, relieves emotional stress, but this is still not love.

Women are more emotional by nature and often fall in love with their sexual partners. They begin to be jealous of their lover’s legal wife and persistently demand a divorce. As soon as this happens, the union is destroyed, because when taking a mistress, a man is not looking for love. He does not need scandals, reproaches, demands - this is enough for him in the family, and he prefers to find a new mistress.

You should understand: if a husband cheats on his wife, he can just as easily change one mistress for another.

Negative aspects of the “three-player game”

It's difficult to share the man you love with another woman. A burning feeling of jealousy incinerates you from the inside, causing a lot of suffering and pain.
Dates only at your home or in deserted places, lack of opportunity to spend an evening in the company of mutual friends for fear of being declassified. This can keep you in constant tension.
You spend holidays, including New Year and your birthday, alone or, at best, in the company of girlfriends. If he comes, it won't be for long.
The interests of his family are always more important to him than you. With a phone call, he is ready to run there across the city at any time of the day.
You cannot count on his care and support. This is the prerogative of the family. For you – sex and a little communication.
Forget the expression “stable, promising relationship.” Your romance could end at any moment. He already has stability and perspective. So why would he complicate things and start over?

Consequences of a relationship with a married man: advice from a psychologist

This relationship can develop in three directions:

A man's sincere feeling flares up, and he leaves his wife, creating a marriage with his mistress. This outcome is unlikely and accounts for about 10% of cases.
Having played enough, he leaves his mistress and returns to his wife, choosing stability and family comfort. This happens in most cases - 65% of men return to their wife.
Uncertain relationships drag on for a long period, even years. As a result, the wife finds out that her husband has a mistress, and the relationship ends.

As a result, only 10 girls out of 100 can hope for a successful development of relationships for them and the conclusion of a long-awaited marriage with their loved one.

The saddest outcome for such a relationship can be between a married woman and a married man. Even if both halves have let go of their partners and a new couple has formed, people do not always stay together. It turns out that they are not able to live together. The union breaks up, and the legal spouses refuse to forgive - as a result, four deeply unhappy people.

When communicating with a married man, psychology advises not to cross certain lines and as soon as something more than sexual attraction begins to arise, immediately end the relationship.

The danger of double treason

Mutual infidelity increases the risk of discovery. Lovers who dream of keeping their romance a secret are forced to hide, meet in remote places, and be afraid to meet acquaintances. This adds additional stress to meetings.

If one of the deceived spouses finds out about the betrayal, then keeping the secret from the second family will be much more difficult. Lovers can look at a casual romance differently: for one, family is not important, the other perceives betrayal as a temporary affair and values the relationship with the official spouse. A married woman, even from the point of view of modern free views, risks her reputation more than a man. She will be condemned for double treason: deceiving her own husband and taking a stranger along for the ride.

How to break off a relationship with a married man you love?

Women experience a breakup with a loved one more emotionally. They become depressed, experience apathy, and intensely reject reality, not wanting to accept the breakup as reality. After all, the result of such a relationship in which a mistress falls in love with a man is that she always sees herself next to him. And when he returns to his wife, she feels betrayed, abandoned, she doesn’t want to live anymore. There are even attempts at suicide or insanity.

To prevent this from happening, you need to be able to break up so that this process is as painless as possible.

How to survive a breakup with a married man - advice from a psychologist:

You need to break it sharply, without delaying. Try to forget about its existence, get rid of contacts, eliminate all, even fleeting, intersections;
force yourself to come to terms with the separation, to understand that it was inevitable;
try not to hate the wife of your former lover and not look for reasons to take revenge on her;
make new friends, change your established lifestyle. A good way to do this is to go on vacation.

If even a vacation trip and new acquaintances do not help you forget your loved one, it is worth looking at him from a different point of view. With sound reasoning, men have mistresses because they are trying to avoid solving problems in the family. After all, it is much easier to limit communication with your wife than to find ways to solve problems in the family. And as soon as problems begin to arise in communication with his mistress, he will also run away from them, finding himself a new passion.

The main reasons for cheating

Women often wonder whether a married man can fall in love with another. Usually a man in love behaves just like a boy and, trying to find entertainment on the side, forgets about his wife. If this happens, then it could be one of these reasons:

Sexual dissatisfaction.
Tired of everyday life and constancy. A man wants to get new emotions, impressions and change his everyday life a little.
If the wife does not understand her husband.
Real sympathy for another woman.
New thrills are required.
The new lady of his heart increases his self-esteem.

Therefore, a wife who wants to save the marriage should understand what ultimately caused her husband’s infidelity, and then try to eliminate all these shortcomings.

Is it worth dating a married man: advice from a psychologist

Relationship psychology views a relationship with a married man as an unequal alliance between a man and a woman. Psychologists warn that a woman will sooner or later realize the following simple truths:

he does not plan to build his future with her, he has a common future with his wife;
you will always have to hide;
if he lies to his wife, it is quite possible that he lies to her;
he lives a full life, she does not;
It is unlikely that he respects her, otherwise he would not have put him in the humiliating position of a mistress;
he himself, in essence, being a criminal, makes her his accomplice;
time passes, but the situation does not change.

If a woman is happy with everything and does not want to live together, then such a union will not harm anyone, especially if the man has an open relationship with his wife.

If a woman wants to build a family with a man, then she should not delay the separation: he is unlikely to leave his wife. And if he left, then sooner or later he will leave her.

To the question of whether it is necessary to date a married man, psychology does not give a clear answer. Such a union has both its pros and cons. Everyone must decide for themselves whether they are ready or not for such a relationship.

Why do women like other people's husbands?

The reason for adultery on the part of a woman is the dissatisfaction of the need for an emotional connection. The need to do housework, raise children, and often work takes a significant part of a woman’s energy and time. Various pleasures become inaccessible, the woman feels left out of life. Especially if the husband behaves coldly, distantly, and does not offer help. Comparing her married life with the families of other women, the dissatisfied spouse decides that she might have better luck with someone else's successful husband.

By dating another man, a woman receives the necessary moral and sexual satisfaction. You can simply have fun with someone else’s husband, without thinking about everyday life, raising children and other things that overshadow a romantic relationship. The presence of a loved one with a legal spouse makes the relationship piquant. A woman feels like a winner, having taken some of the male attention from her wife and achieved reciprocity on his part.

How not to fall in love with a married man?

Victims of a failed union often turn to psychologists and say: I love a married man, what should I do? Psychologist's advice:

If a man himself did not leave the family, it means that he does not intend to destroy the marriage. You need to find the strength to break off such relationships, since they will inevitably reach a dead end.
Falling in love is often mistaken for love. Things won't look any better for a while, so that you have the opportunity to cool down a little and sort out your feelings.
You need to understand that by taking a loved one away from his wife, the family is destroyed and children suffer. Most representatives of the stronger sex take this hard, the consciousness of their guilt weighs heavily. And a dull irritation, and even hatred, begins to awaken towards the new wife. You need to be prepared for such a development of events.

Having looked at the situation in this way, many find the strength to leave their husband to their wife and not destroy their marriage.

Emotions, pure emotions

Until that moment, it seemed to me that everything was going well, that I began to understand myself. And suddenly she exclaimed:

“I can’t destroy someone else’s family!”

The psychologist looked at me gently and asked again:

- And what do you gain and what do you lose? Does the well-being and fate of this family depend on you?

I spent the next 10 minutes thinking about it intensely. I already realized that I need to make a decision based on my answers. With this, the first meeting came to an end. The psychologist told me:

— Finally, I would like to add that we are responsible for what happens to us. This means that we allow, accept or consciously take a certain step. And that’s it, there is no other person’s opinion here. Have a heart-to-heart talk with yourself, honestly answer the questions you wrote down earlier.