How to learn to communicate correctly with people in any situation

Every day, modern man is faced with various problems, of which there are an infinite number, and they await him literally at every turn, one of which is difficulties with communication. This article will just help resolve the question: “How to learn to communicate with people,” and believe me, in fact it’s not that scary, and the people around us are really better than they seem at first glance.

It is with the formation of the psychology of communication that we can begin the countdown of a civilized human society, hence the relevance and importance of this problem. So what's the secret? How to communicate with people in order to be understood correctly?

The ability to communicate with people begins with the ability to interact. Every day, each of us, in one way or another, finding ourselves in different life situations, interacts with the world around us and ourselves is influenced by it. All this is explained by the fact that man is by nature a social being. And life in society requires certain skills.

There has probably come a time in everyone’s life when an obsessive thought was spinning in their head: “I don’t know how to communicate with people.” This is just one of the most common human complexes, and admitting it means admitting to yourself your own weakness. Can a smart person allow himself to be weak? Never, because this would mean that he admitted his own insolvency. But the modern rhythm of life does not allow this. Therefore, this problem is worth solving.

The ability to communicate with people is a skill that takes a long time and is difficult to learn. And in order to successfully resolve this problem in the present situation, you need to seriously understand its origins.

What does the ability to communicate with people give?

Communication with people is already such a well-worn topic that it seems that you can already say about it. Indeed, since the 20s and 30s of the 20th century, many works, books and studies have been written on the psychology of communication. But this topic is inexhaustible and has not yet been fully studied. Society changes, values ​​change, communication changes. We will talk about its benefits and benefits for our loved ones.

Jane Austen once said a wonderful phrase: “The most dull and hackneyed topic can acquire significance with the proper skill of the interlocutor.” So why communicate? What does skillful communication give us?

A person cannot live alone. Even people with mental disorders, such as bipolar disorder or paranoia, cannot go long without exchanging information with themselves or others.

Sociability is not the key to success in life, but it is an important part of it. Why do modern society prefer sociable people? They know how to communicate, find an approach, and solve different problems. There is another side to the coin - when you can’t stop a person at any cost if he gets to the microphone or gets into the spotlight. And this is not the ability to communicate, but talkativeness.

The ability to communicate gives new opportunities, in return you get:

• new and useful acquaintances;
• fame - provided that you get into the camera;
• new knowledge;
• experience;
• new ideas - when communicating with different people, you accept their behavior and then come up with something of your own;
• respect;
• development - at least you learn to express your thoughts;
• learn to form your assessment and worldview, you see the advantages and disadvantages of people and adopt something from them, and deny something.

Learning to communicate is important and necessary in order to somehow connect with a person. So as not to make you sad, but to radiate positivity and energy. After all, it is precisely such interlocutors who are in demand. Well, more on that a little later.

Stories about yourself

When we talk about ourselves, it is important to maintain a balance between stories about successes and failures. When a person talks only about successes, he looks like a braggart. When he only talks about failures, he looks like a loser.

It doesn’t have to be 50/50, but there should be some kind of balance. It is especially valuable when he talks about some embarrassments that are typical for many people. This shows what conclusions you have drawn, and these conclusions can be useful to many people.

The same thing, as a manager, I advise using mistakes made as material for training subordinates. It is also necessary to provide side useful information in a conversation that a person can remember and it will be useful in life.

This is especially important in sales. So, the seller may not sell the product, but he can tell some things that a person will remember, retell to others, and this story will be useful for others.

Psychology of communication with people: rules

To become a good communicator, you need to know how to talk to people correctly. How to become a sociable and interesting person, read the link, and below pay attention to the rules of communication that help build communication.

1. Show sincerity and interest in the interlocutor. Nothing attracts a person more than your genuine interest in his life (provided that the person allows you to have access to this information).
2. Smile more often. A smile is the flag of the ship and communication, relationships and happiness in life. Psychological research confirms this: in order for people to be attracted to you, you need to smile, since smiling people seem more attractive. Radiate positivity, laugh, joke. By the way, you can learn how to make beautiful and witty jokes here.
3. Call by name. Remember that a name for a person is constant sound waves that affect him throughout his life, he gets used to them, and they become the most pleasant to his ears. By calling the name of your interlocutor in communication, you emphasize his individuality and the brightness of his personality.
4. Learn to listen. To establish contact and be heard, first learn to listen to the other person. Attention to his speech is a powerful tool of control and influence. Clarify, ask questions, show emotions, then you will be perceived as a good interlocutor.
5. Talk about his topics. Each person has his own “anchor” - a top topic of conversation. So, if you “grope” it, then consider yourself handsome! Talk about the interests of your interlocutor, and you might learn something new.
6. Show your interlocutor that you are important to him. This must be done sincerely or not at all. Sincerity is the main condition for good communication. Praise your interlocutor honestly and moderately emphasize his good points, otherwise it will smack of flattery.

Establishing a confidence distance

It is necessary to establish a trust distance

To do this, you need to correctly build role relationships. Each of us plays many roles in relation to the other. You can be a neighbor, a friend, a bowler, or a creditor. And to establish a trusting distance, you need to choose those roles where the distance between you and the person is closest for conversation.

From there you can continue to act more easily. In addition, there are many roles in the conversation itself - speaker and listener, doubter and prover, and the like. And you need to move through the conversation so that the distance becomes closer and closer and becomes as close as it is comfortable for both parties.

Repeat the other person's name often, but do not overdo it

Be able to hold back

If we keep our distance well and don’t say something, this motivates the interlocutor to ask questions and close the distance.

The easiest way to bring distance closer is to talk about childhood

Tell your own stories, ask others’ questions. Why does childhood bring us closer together? Because people are a little afraid of each other, even close people - this is normal, there is always a fear of making some mistake, of being offended somewhere, of being misunderstood.

Therefore, if a person is questioned about current events, he is not sure that he did the right thing and he is responsible for his words and deeds. But he is not responsible for his childhood, and therefore fearlessly talks about his childhood. And this lack of fear of communication, after talking about childhood, may continue.

How to learn to communicate with people so that they are drawn to you

Not everyone can be the life of the party. If you're an introvert, for example, you're unlikely to be impressed by the prospect of always being the center of attention. But this does not prevent you from learning to speak beautifully and express your thoughts correctly. To be a sought-after interlocutor, to be respected, to have your opinion taken into account (this is what ALL people want), remember some nuances.

Adviсe

1. Don't be intrusive and don't impose your opinion. Forcible imposition only causes negative emotions. People with such behavior will be treated with caution. Who would want to question their own worldview after your “correct” opinion?!
2. Accept different people. Everyone doesn't have to be like you or think like you. Yes, sometimes it happens! Learn to respect other people's opinions.
3. Study and discover the world. The best way to develop yourself to support any topic of conversation is to read books. When you become known as well-read, erudite and versatile, then many will want to talk to you, to learn something new, just to chat. This is where your finest hour will come, but don’t star too much, but learn to benefit from everything.
4. Develop in your own interests. These are hobbies, places to visit, travel, and so on. This will help you feel at your best in any communication, as you will be able to share your experience, express opinions and assessments (which characterizes you as a mature person with critical thinking).
5. Don't try to please everyone. You won't be nice by force. It is impossible to be nice and good to the whole world. You are not a fluffy polar bear that evokes affection. Even the Dalai Lama, a famous diplomat and spiritual mentor of Buddhists, evokes disgust and contempt among some.
6. Accept yourself. Or fall in love. Self-acceptance, respect for your strengths and the desire to overcome your shortcomings are a winning ticket in any lottery in life... There is nothing more to say.
7. Watch yourself. If you have ambitions to become a leader in a team, I provide a link to an excellent article by Pavel Butor with effective tips that work anytime, anywhere.

With all this, it is important to free yourself from anger and envy - these qualities will ruin even the good motives of your communication. And people feel it well.

Correct non-verbal communication

You can easily find reminders on nonverbal communication. Here I will describe important points that will help you communicate effectively:

• look into the eyes of your interlocutor for no more than 10 seconds; exceeding the time indicates persistence or pressure;
• try to look no lower than your chin, otherwise the interlocutor will think that something is wrong with him;
• watch your facial expressions so as not to show contempt or dissatisfaction during a conversation, even if the interlocutor is unpleasant to you;
• When talking, avoid crossing your arms and legs so that your interlocutor feels your sincerity and not your closedness;
• Gesture smoothly, leave your palms open, this is also an open pose, which indicates that you can be trusted;
• your smile, even in difficult situations, indicates calmness and poise, and many people are drawn to such strong people.

Exercises

Communicating with people who irritate you requires more effort. Therefore, start learning this at home, sitting on a comfortable sofa. I present several exercises that will help you fight back impudent people, communicate with a stranger without embarrassment or fear, and also gain experience in communication on any topic.

1. Talk to a chair – try to talk to an inanimate object, such as a chair, every day. If you smile, it’s in vain. Talking to a chair is not as easy as you think. This is an analogue of training, try to start a conversation with the latest news, constantly changing topics, but stay on each topic for at least 5 minutes. You will learn to express your thoughts coherently.
2. Stranger Plan – Set a plan for yourself: start a conversation with 5 strangers every day. Topics can be varied: start a conversation about the quality of the product with the seller, help your grandmother carry bags and talk about prices, and others.
3. Memory and attention are the basis of effective communication. Train your memory by remembering various little things: what the passer-by was wearing, what you had for breakfast yesterday, how last weekend went, what color the eyes of the last 5 people with whom you had a conversation.
4. Compliments - a successful person will not go to great lengths for words. Develop accuracy of phrases and approach to people with the help of compliments. Make it a rule to compliment 5 different people every day.
5. Transformation is an exercise to increase self-esteem in communication. Imagine your favorite hero or actor, singer, his gait, facial expressions, words (preferably without swearing). And try to copy your idol in every interaction. This way you will gradually develop your own communication style.

Stage 1. Development of communication skills

First of all, you need to start developing communication skills and building self-confidence. What should you do for this?

Smile and don't be afraid to joke

If this article had to be boiled down to one single piece of advice, this would be it. Oh, how pleasant the interlocutors are who can make a great joke and make you smile - be it work colleagues, friends, or even just casual acquaintances. This rule works everywhere without exception - make a person smile and he will treat you much better.

Now an important point: if it seems to you that you don’t know how to joke at all, then believe me, this will come with time, you just have to start. The main thing is that you understand that a sense of humor is the strongest weapon for creating an easy and trusting environment. Over time, you will notice that there are reasons for jokes always and everywhere, you just need to try to notice them and not miss them! It’s also worth saying that making other people smile or laugh is a great way to increase self-esteem and create a great mood.

The main thing is to remember 2 simple rules: don’t joke about people, and joke about yourself very carefully. Otherwise, there is a reason for a joke everywhere - in school, work, in events around, and even in problems.

Give compliments

How long has it been since you last paid attention to the positive changes in people around you? If it’s been a long time, then correct it urgently. A compliment is not only a great way to give others positive emotions, but also a good reason to start a conversation on a pleasant note.

The main thing to remember is that a compliment should emphasize something that the person has worked hard on. For example, I lost weight, got a beautiful hairstyle, bought a nice suit. In addition, the compliment must be sincere, which means you must like this change. And one more thing: the compliment should be as light and simple as possible , for example: “Hello! Nice dress! (don't forget to smile). Sometimes this is enough to put a person in a great mood for the whole day.

Show interest

There is nothing difficult to ask a colleague: “How did you get to work today?” or “How was your weekend?” Of course, the interest must be sincere. After allowing the interlocutor to speak, ask a small clarifying question, showing interest. You will notice how pleasant it is for him and gain invaluable communication experience.

By the way, many consider the question: “How are you?” banal, and they try to avoid it. However, everything depends on the message with which this question is asked. If the interest is sincere, then even this simple question will be absolutely appropriate.

Learn to listen

Most people in communication strive to convey their own thoughts. Not everyone is able to listen and hear their interlocutor. However, if you really want to become more sociable, learn not to interrupt, listen to the end of a sentence , and think about what is said before responding. And never consider your loved ones to be those who must be burdened with all your problems.

Use body language

Facial expressions, the position of arms and legs, the direction and movement of the gaze - our interlocutor involuntarily notices all this. Nonverbal signals can tell a lot even to a person who has never been interested in them. For example, constantly looking at your phone will make the other person think that you are bored.

Smile often and learn to move correctly to demonstrate friendliness. Perhaps self-doubt is preventing you from becoming more sociable. Adopting a comfortable, open posture can help you overcome fear and doubt, so keep experimenting with your body language. At the same time, you will master another important skill - learn to read the mood of your interlocutor by his facial expressions and movements. And one more thing: do not cross your arms while talking - this position is closed and repulsive.

Become an interesting conversationalist

People with a good sense of humor who can easily carry on conversations on any topic are valued in any company. You don't have to be a highly educated intellectual to become a good conversationalist. It is enough to lead an active life , regularly read popular books, watch new movies being released, and take an interest in current events. If possible, then also travel.

Contact by name

Do you remember the names of all your work colleagues? If not, then it’s time to learn and start calling people by name. As Dale Carnegie said, what people love most is to hear the sound of their name. So give them this chance, and believe me, your relationships with people will begin to improve. Start mentioning the name even then. when you just say hello.

Well, dear reader, we are done with the first part. If you follow these seemingly simple tips, your communication skills will increase many times over. And we move on to the second stage.

Books

Competent communication is now at a premium. Already from school, children absorb applications on smartphones faster than communication skills, or even basic expression of their thoughts. Therefore, in our technological age, it is important not to forget to read books. Use a selection of useful books:

1. Mark Goulston “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation technique.”
2. Philip Zimbardo “How to overcome shyness.”
3. Jack Schafer “We turn on the charm according to the methods of the secret services.”
4. James Borg “Secrets of Communication. The magic of words."
5. Dale Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
6. Robert Cialdini “Psychology of influence”.
7. Larry King: How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.

How to learn to talk to people with the help of training

To learn how to get along with people, you can undergo special training.

The online intensive “Effective Communication” is suitable for:

1. Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers.
2. For those who work with clients, middle managers, and freelancers.
3. To everyone who is involved in raising children.
4. Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.

The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev, an expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

You will learn:

1. Communicate with closed people.
2. Coping with daily problems involving other people.
3. Influence your environment and much more.

The course lasts 1 month and contains 33 video lectures, 26 exercises, 6 tests + webinars with emotional intelligence experts.

The training consists of 4 blocks:

1. Emotions. Basics.
2. Emotional stability and emotional flexibility.
3. Social efficiency.
4. Building harmonious relationships.

How it goes:

1. You are watching video lectures.
2. Then you complete independent tasks to reinforce the material.
3. Participate in webinars and discuss difficult issues.
4. Take tests on the material you have studied.
5. You complete the intensive course and receive a certificate.

The cost of completing it independently is 1,040 rubles, with a curator – 2,370 rubles.

They will refund your money if you decide within 7 days that the course is not suitable for you.

Literature on the topic

1. If you are interested in astrology and believe in the power of the zodiac signs, then I advise you to purchase the book by I. O. Rodin and T. M. Pimenova “How to communicate with this or that zodiac sign in order to always win?” In the book, each sign is sorted into thematic blocks: description of the sign itself (general characteristics, behavior at home and at work, habits and leisure, characteristics of children, men and women); interaction tactics in a positive way (how to get a subordinate to work, establish contact with a boss, build personal relationships, behave in everyday life and in bed) and in a negative way (how to provoke and win a scandal, get a divorce, get around a colleague); compatibility with other signs. I’ll say right away that I don’t welcome a block of negative recommendations, but anything can happen in life. Maybe you will find it useful.
2. For other readers, to broaden their horizons and improve their communication skills, I advise you to read the work of O. G. Ridetzkaya “Psychology of Communication: A Reader.” It presents very extensive material for the theory and practice of communication. The features of communications based on character accentuations are analyzed.
3. I also recommend that you read the book by T. A. Tarasova “The Art of Communication: for those who want to learn how to communicate skillfully: a workbook.” This is material for practice: self-knowledge and self-correction. The phenomenon of communication is divided into blocks, for example, “acquaintance”, “oratory”. Tests to determine personal qualities, practical exercises, and recommendations are given.
4. Another practical guide to improving communication skills and developing the ability to constructively influence people is B. Burg’s book “From Opponents to Allies.” This is popular science literature that describes in detail each principle of successful interaction.