How to talk to people correctly and competently - 7 tips from psychology

Knowledge of the rules of etiquette and the level of communication culture are the most important factors influencing the image as a whole. To effectively network, it is important to make any conversation enjoyable for everyone involved. Communication etiquette is conventionally accepted rules that predetermine appropriate statements and actions. A courteous manner of conversation and polite behavior contribute to personal success in all endeavors.

The forgotten skill of communicating with people

The first most important thing is the skill of communicating with people, which has been forgotten in our civilization. Being here and now is what is constantly overlooked. It is very important, extremely important, when a person, for example, drives a car. Because if his thoughts flew away somewhere - boom! Accident. And it’s good if the accident is minor: scratched or something else. What if something serious?

It often happened that I was not present at lectures at the institute: I woke up during the break. It was very difficult to listen to lectures and, in the end, I was finally convinced that sleeping on a pillow was much more comfortable than on hard desks.

Surely you also have examples when someone was not present during communication.

This often happens at school, for example, Sidorov sits and thinks about girls. And then the teacher lifts him up from his seat: “Repeat to me Sidorov, what did I just say?” Ah... But Sidorov cannot repeat it, because in his mind he was at that time on the beach with the girls.

There is also a situation when a person tells something, and the other person is in the clouds somewhere. This can often be observed when a couple walks: a husband and wife, and the woman tells how her day went, that she can buy such and such a locker, and so on. And he said to her: uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...

And if you ask him, “What, dear, did I just tell you?”, he: uh-uh... This is a specific problem in communication. When such a situation occurs, the person is not there. And, accordingly, there simply cannot be communication. Such a bummer.

This is actually the most basic thing.

View and rules of communication with people

The second thing in the rules of communication with people is your gaze, the perception of your interlocutor through the eyes. Just look at each other, note what mood the potential interlocutor is in, or something else. Because this is not enough, just to be here, eyes, they are also intended for something.

One of my friends, at one time he could not communicate looking into the eyes. He kept walking away from it and grumbling while looking at his phone. I don’t know what he was doing on that phone, maybe he was playing tic-tac-toe or naval battle - I didn’t spy.

It was a little strange. But it was simply difficult for him to communicate, so he ran to the phone. And when he finally got out of his gadget, it turned out that he was a cool guy, he was looking at you, and communication went much easier.

When, for example, there is some kind of quarrel, you can see a husband and wife looking in different directions. They don’t look at each other, they don’t want to - it’s hard to communicate. A person who makes you angry doesn’t want to look at him in a painful way.

Not just being here, but also perceiving your interlocutor is important. It’s not for nothing that there are video calls in which you can not only hear the person, but also see them.

Emotions, things that cannot be expressed in words - they are read in a person and it is very, very important for people to see each other. And this also doesn’t just happen sometimes. When a person is angry, or you are embarrassed, or he is so formidable, the boss is so serious... By the way, a person in anger perceives a look as aggression - you need to be more careful here.

Or when there is such a beauty that a person is not even worthy of at all, so he has no right to even look at her. And if he doesn’t look at her, then how can he propose to her? Just like that, he turns away from her and says: “Let’s go to the registry office.” What it is?

This is the second very important rule.

Smile

Sad, gloomy people always repel and cause irritation. Try to smile more and radiate a lot of positivity so that others have the most colorful impression of you. Take this for installation. If your mood is really bad, try to remember pleasant moments in life, your beloved pet, or just listen to cheerful music. Sometimes this really helps a lot, particularly when dealing with older people.

What is the real art of communicating with people?

The third thing is not very simple - this is the real art of communicating with people. And this is important in any conversation - this is a certain sense of tact on the one hand, and on the other hand - an understanding that we are all far from ideal. For example, a wife may know perfectly well what infuriates her significant other. For example: “Ahhh, you never hung up that shelf!”

And he simply has an aversion to these shelves. He knows it himself, and he kicks himself for not hanging her. And she still adds heat, pours salt into the wound. This can drive him into a white heat. And in some cases, she does this on purpose - she makes her husband angry on purpose.

For example, a man during a conversation says something that is unpleasant for a woman. He swears, for example. This is wrong, of course, you should behave like a gentleman with ladies. At the same time, people often do this not intentionally, not at all in order to specifically harm their interlocutor.

Often this happens because he did not think that this might be unpleasant to his interlocutor. He’s a man, he knows things about himself, but not so much about others, he can’t get into his head. Therefore, it happens that you step on someone else’s sore spot - not knowing what you are doing.

In such a situation, it is highly recommended to count to 10, and then tell him: “Vasya, please, don’t swear.” This may work a little better than a tantrum.

This rule is to count to 10 - it is definitely good. However, not everyone will succeed without training, because people are different, situations are different: someone yells, screams, stamps their feet, someone whines, cries, another lies down, recovering from drinking.

And this is not the most serious thing. So there are different situations when the communication that another person gives you simply infuriates him. To be a person who can withstand serious loads, there are special trainings. They require time and effort, and you need to know where they are carried out.

And if you don’t have such an opportunity to pump yourself up properly, then try to count to 10. It won't always work out, especially at first. But water wears away stones. This will come back to you in that people will appreciate you. Very, very strong. Because you don’t immediately yell, don’t be rude, but explain in a human way what’s what. Don't blame him.

“Vasya, swearing in the company of men is the right thing to do. If you don’t swear, they will look at you as if you’re not a man. And now we have a date, evening, romance. And I want to hear pleasant, gentle, beautiful words from you.”

And he can really hear you. After all, you are not teaching him to live, but simply explaining him in a human way. You talk about your callus, and at the same time you do not step on his callus. After all, this guy, and any of us, really likes making mistakes and being wrong.

This applies to diseased calluses.

How to talk to people with your ears - the psychology of listening

The next important thing in any communication is delivery. Getting your message across to people. It often happens that a person says something indistinctly or not loudly enough - he simply cannot be heard.

This has probably happened to you when the connection on the phone is bad and it starts to irritate. The person can’t hear well; he has to repeat the same thing several times. He asks you to come to the window, and you have been standing at the window for so long, you even went out onto the balcony to make out what he was drilling there. Yes, I’m already at the window, on the other side! Raise your own... 5th point!

Messages are not being received. And as a result, relationships deteriorate, even love can suddenly become shipwrecked if one of the lovers does not convey something important to the other in time. To prevent this from happening, you need to try to convey your idea to your interlocutor.

Convey to him clearly, loudly enough. And such things as emotions: you don’t always need to say something rudely, for example. At the same time, different emotions are needed in a given situation. There really are no bad emotions, but emotions should be used appropriately. Just like the volume of your voice: sometimes you need to yell for a person to hear you.

Somehow, a friend and I began to conflict, but the common intention was to work together, and therefore we talked through some sensitive moments, it turned out that no one wanted to put a noose around the other’s neck and friendship was restored. It even somehow became warmer with this person.

On this wave, I began to tell him some story from my childhood. And as soon as I started telling it, my soul, as they say, just turned around... And he banged: he suddenly had an urgent need to go somewhere - I have to go, I’m running away.

Only I began to open my soul. When you understand that you are important to him, that the common cause is valuable for both, and on this basis, goodwill and trust naturally increase. You begin to unfold, to open up... And he cuts it off.

It is communicating something to others and listening to the other person.

Kinds

Communication can be divided into two types:

• verbal;
• non-verbal.

Verbal communication is carried out using words and can be divided into written and oral. Any form of verbal communication uses language. Language is understood as a system of signs and ways of combining them into one word, then into one sentence or thought. Any language is heterogeneous; it can be divided into literary and non-literary. The literary form of a language is a model with established norms and rules.

The basis of verbal communication is speech situations. They can be divided into:

• speaking - the use of language to convey information;
• listening – perception of information in understandable language;
• writing - transferring speech into written form;
• reading – reproducing text in a familiar language from paper.

Nonverbal communication is more difficult to perceive, but by understanding its basics, you can better understand your interlocutor and see his true attitude and feelings. If we consider the means of nonverbal communication, then it can include any external manifestations of emotions during a conversation.

Gestures are movements of the hands and head. This method of transmitting information between people is recognized as the most ancient of all existing ones. In modern realities, they are trying to create a generally accepted dictionary of gestures, but in each country gestures have a different historical meaning. Therefore, when communicating, it is best to find out in advance about the meaning of your favorite gestures.

Facial expressions are the movement of facial muscles. The main information for the interlocutor during communication is carried by the lips and eyebrows. Separately, it is worth considering eye contact as part of facial expressions. Visual contacts also carry a certain meaning:

• Business look - in this case, you look at your partner’s forehead, this helps create a more serious atmosphere.
• The social gaze is directed into the triangle between the eyes and mouth. This helps to defuse the situation and make it more friendly.
• An intimate look is most often directed at the neck or chest. If such a look is mutual, this indicates a high interest in each other.
• A sideways glance is most often seen as a sign of hostility or disdain.

Pantomime - movements of the whole body. This includes posture, posture and gait.

When communicating while walking, all interlocutors should use the same walking pace, preferably the same gait.

How to Effectively Communicate with People You Can't Shut Up

If your interlocutor talks incessantly, then it becomes completely unclear how you can effectively communicate with such a person. There is a serious desire to use rope and tape...

This situation especially often arises when a person tells you something not for the first time. And at a certain point it becomes simply unbearable to listen to. Well, once I listened, well, twice in the end it all went well. But why the hell is he telling me this for the 10th time!?!

Has this happened to you?

And it happens that you tell another person something, but it’s not clear whether he listened to you or not - he doesn’t say anything in response. In situations like this, when you wanted to tell someone else something, but he simply didn’t let you know that he heard you. In such situations, you want to say it again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

In the end, a person can simply go crazy because you’ve been telling him the same thing 100 times already. To prevent this from happening, he would simply say: “Dude, I heard you.” And sometimes it is enough to say: “I see.”

And the person magically realizes that he was heard. And he won't bother you with it anymore.

Sometimes it is difficult for the speaker to understand that he has conveyed his thought to you, and he needs to repeat it much more powerfully: louder, brighter, longer - to explain that he conveyed it to you. You may even have to use some interesting words from the local dialect.

It is important to confirm to the person that his message, his thought, was conveyed to you. He understands that he was heard. He really was heard and he no longer wants to repeat it to you. That's it, the message has arrived. It is done. And it doesn't bother him anymore.

This concerns such an important thing as confirmation.

Nudge conversation with the question “Tell me...”

In the previous paragraph, we said that you need to “put on a doctor’s robe and listen,” but how can you get your interlocutor to talk? Questions serve these purposes. A good question implies a good answer. A bad question leads to a bad answer.

I remember when I started my career as a real estate agent, I often asked people questions formulated as follows: “Why are you selling an apartment?”, “Why is this price?” To which I received the standard short answers: “I need money!” and “So that there is enough money!” In such a situation, it was very difficult to maintain a conversation; short answers did not provide an opportunity to engage and draw the person into dialogue.

A little later, I wised up and changed the wording of the questions: “Tell me, what circumstances led you to the decision to put your apartment up for sale?”, “Tell me, what factors did you take into account when evaluating the apartment?” After such questions, I always received a detailed answer, which flowed into a confidential conversation. And trust was my goal.

I then adapted the phrase "Tell me..." for everyday situations, and it also works great when the goal is to get a quiet person to talk. And we remember: the more he talks, the more sympathy he feels for us. Try it.

Ability to communicate with shy people or when the interlocutor finds it difficult to speak

Another important skill is to communicate with people, for example, shy people. Some things are hard to say, certain topics are hard to communicate on. For example, it can be difficult to tell a girl that you love her.

Or, for example, it’s difficult to admit to something that you did wrong. Or it may just be difficult to explain certain things to another person; it’s not entirely comfortable to discuss them. Situations require help.

How to do this? In one office this technique was called the “Uh-huh Method.” You encourage the person to continue the conversation, you pull the string and the person, in the end, tells you everything, expresses everything that was difficult for him to tell you.

As a result, he feels relieved and you feel understanding about the situation. Often this resolves various kinds of problems, a great understanding of each other, trust, and true friendship arises. It is very valuable that the communication is completely completed, so that the person tells everything completely.

And you help him by saying: uh-huh, yes, continue, and what next... - you pull the string when he begins to experience difficulties, when he begins to slip. And then, when he has fully expressed himself, you confirm to him: “I understand you.” Thus, you confirm to him that everything he told you really reached you.

Often a person doesn’t even need to know your opinion regarding all this; he doesn’t need your advice at all. It often happens that you tell about your situation in business or family and they immediately begin to advise you, teach you, and share their opinions.

And you haven’t even fully told what happened there yet. You don’t need any advice, you just need to talk it out. You just want to tell the other person about it. That’s why there are such troubles when a person tells something to another, speaks out, and then they start teaching him, or they don’t even listen to him at all.

As a result, it is difficult for a person to talk about certain things. He just had a lot of problems with it and now it’s become difficult to do it. Therefore, we have to help and pull these things out of him.

And so he gave it all to you: phew! He's fucking cool about it. And you feel like a real master of communication. But that’s all: you just listened to him, you just helped him speak out a little.

Listening is the ability of a true friend.

Etiquette for women

Well-groomed appearance, rich and cultured speech, goodwill, good manners, elegance and style, sophisticated manners, the ability to restrain excessive emotionality, posture, gait, charm and intelligence - these are the main distinguishing features of a real lady. In order to develop these qualities in yourself, you need to know the basics of etiquette for women:

• skillfully emphasize the advantages and hide the flaws of your figure with the help of clothes, do not blindly chase fashion;
• When choosing a wardrobe, we always take into account the format of the event; clothing must match the situation;
• makeup can be used for daytime or evening, you shouldn’t try on the “smoky eye” look for morning lectures - it looks vulgar;
• the aroma of your perfume enchants those around you, and does not suffocate you;
• You can fix your makeup and comb your hair only in the restroom;
• loud laughter, excessive gesticulation, strongly expressed facial expressions do not make a girl beautiful;
• swear words and curses should never escape the lips of representatives of the fair sex;
• punctuality is a rare gift for women; remember, being late for a meeting by more than 15 minutes is bad manners;
• the ability to conduct a conversation, maintain a conversation on various topics, and be open to communication;
• gait and posture are an important contribution to the overall image of a woman.

How to succeed in communicating with people - the secret way

And for starters, another secret way to help you achieve success in communicating with people. You need to understand that people are not always in good shape. Even the best of us find ourselves in situations where we need a little management.

So you buy tangerines from a southerner, and he says: “Listen, it turned out to be 2 kilos - 150 rubles in total.” You give him 1000, he takes it, gives you tangerines and begins to tell you that his grandmother really likes to eat these tangerines: “You won’t believe it, you won’t believe it, the most delicious tangerines.”

You tell him: “Well, okay, then give me the change.” He says to you: “Yes, yes, I’ll give it to you now, listen: grandma, my grandma, she’s very smart and she never tires of repeating that the tangerine is the most valuable fruit!”

And you tell him: “Still, dear, I understand you about your grandmother. But please give me some change.” In the end, surrender finally comes to you. That is, sometimes some management of the conversation is required to achieve results.

It happens that a person needs such control when he lacks attention - he jumps from one thing to another. And it also happens that it is not profitable for him or he wants to make more money on you. Or for some other reason, he tries to deliberately move away from this topic.

In both of these cases, you can, with the help of competent communication, bring the process to the result you need.

Correct behavior in the company of business people

Generally accepted business etiquette represents rules that are designed to coordinate relationships between colleagues, management, business partners, etc.

The formation of business relationships is influenced not only by etiquette, since it regulates only external behavior. A person needs to be cultured and have high moral principles in order to implement all the norms of business etiquette.

The foundations of business relationships were formed at the beginning of the 20th century. and remained unchanged:

• respect and compliance with laws;
• honor and justice;
• respect for private property rights;
• keeping promises;
• spending commensurate with income;
• healthy competition based on compliance with laws.

Important rules of business relations:

1. Responsibility and honesty help in forming long-term and effective relationships between partners and colleagues.
2. Diligence - a committed person inspires respect and trust, which contributes to more effective interaction.
3. Subordination – serves as a tool in the process of regulating business relations between superiors and subordinates.
4. Love for their profession, dedication to the company - such people are valued in the team, and management trusts them.
5. A friendly attitude towards your colleagues and business partners.
6. Competence – avoiding mistakes and meeting deadlines for completing tasks.
7. Punctuality – you should arrive at business meetings strictly on time.
8. Competitiveness – the presence of knowledge and skills, thanks to which an employee can apply for a position, having a competitive advantage over other applicants.
9. A neat appearance – the way a person looks can tell others a lot. Therefore, you should pay attention to your image.
10. Feedback – building trusting relationships between employees in an organization is key: corporate culture influences the work of the team, increasing or decreasing its effectiveness.