Psychology of communication - how to learn to talk to people correctly

The psychology of communication with people is a branch of psychology that studies the characteristics of types of communication, determining the basic rules that contribute to the success of the interviewer. It is also aimed at eliminating difficulties in dialogue and fear of communicating with people.

One of the basic rules of communication is not only speech. The emotional tone of the conversation is also considered important. Learning to be a good conversationalist is very simple; you just need to understand the principles and rules on which the psychology of communicating with people is based.

Communication is one of the main social functions of society.

Classification of communication:

  • Friendly.
  • Intimate.
  • Business.

Communication is contact between people for the purpose of exchanging information and experience to conduct joint activities.

The art of communication is one of the main and significant life experiences that people should have. This does not depend on social status, place of work or lifestyle, because the psychology of communicating with people is present in any conversation. Facial expression, gestures, facial expressions and intonation indirectly affect the interlocutor during a conversation.

It is much easier for a person who knows the basic principles of communication to present the necessary information in the right direction, achieve certain results and achieve success in communicating with people.

Features of communication psychology

And at 30, and at 50, and at 92, a person communicates daily with his own kind. The psychology of communication occupies an important place in the theory and practice of communication. This section of science tells you how to communicate with people and how to become an interesting conversationalist. The following aspects are taken into account:

  • Peculiarities of thinking of communication participants;
  • Temperament and personality traits of the two interlocutors;
  • Their interests;
  • The feelings that communication participants have for each other (liking, strong emotional attachment, neutral attitude, sharp rejection).

In each individual case, an individual approach to the interlocutor is required. Communication methods that are effective with one person will be completely useless with another.

A professional psychologist will teach you how to find an approach to strangers and unfamiliar people


Effective communication is based on knowledge of human psychology and perception . An interlocutor who has mastered the skills of effective communication will be in a more advantageous position; it will be easier for him to achieve his goal in communication than an interlocutor who is unfamiliar with these concepts.

Ideally, communication is productive , it is beneficial for both partners and leads to their interaction, strengthening contacts and mutual trust. However, it should not contradict the basic principles of effective communication.

Types of communication

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Communication with people is a process in which two or more participants are actively involved. Experts distinguish the following types of communication:

  • Verbal (conversation using words, phrases and sentences in a native or foreign language);
  • Non-verbal (body language);
  • Written speech;
  • Language of signs and symbols.

When we talk about live communication, we usually mean the first type of communication – the actual speech act. However, in practice, verbal conversation cannot exist without gestures and signs, so these three types (with the exception of written speech) should be considered together. The main problem of modern society is that written speech is increasingly replacing live conversation, and the Russian written language, in turn, is gradually becoming simpler (especially in social networks and telephone SMS messages). Because of this, it is sometimes very difficult for a person to describe in literate words, that is, to verbally express his feelings, feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This leads to mutual misunderstanding.

You can also talk in sign language

Elements of successful communication

American sociologist G. D. Laswell proposed the following elements of effective communication:

  1. The sender is the person who transmits this or that information.
  2. The message is the information itself that needs to be conveyed to the addressee.
  3. Channel - the way a message is sent - verbally, non-verbally (gestures, facial expressions, posture), using written expression.
  4. The recipient is the person who receives the message.
  5. Acknowledgment is a signal given by the recipient indicating that he has accepted the message.

How to learn to talk to people

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Many books have been written about how to communicate with people. Such literature is always in great demand among the public of any gender and age.

You can learn how to learn to communicate with people from various manuals and practical guides. The basic rules of successful communication are extremely simple; anyone interested in this topic can understand them. In order to become an ideal interlocutor, you must:

  • Become a normal listener, that is, begin to show genuine interest in your partner’s personality;
  • Learn to sympathize with other people's problems and rejoice with another person. By the way, the second is much more difficult than the first;
  • Competently express your feelings using literary Russian;
  • Know what exactly the interlocutor wants to hear, and give him what he expects from the conversation, teach your partner something interesting and important.

To communicate well, you need to have a sense of tact, avoid a tense tone during a conversation, and be able not to notice the mistakes and weaknesses of another person. You should also show maximum delicacy when discussing topics that are unpleasant for your interlocutor or, if possible, not touch on these issues at all. The main thing is to figure out which issues are “sick” for your partner.

Experts say that someone who is cheerful, friendly, does not complain about their troubles and does not teach others how to live is more endearing. On the contrary, a person with the highest intellectual level will never be able to become a good conversationalist if he constantly lectures others and behaves like a bore.

Respect and sincere interest in the interlocutor are the main conditions for a successful conversation


Speech communication will be successful if the following conditions are met:

  1. The content of the speech should correspond as much as possible to the purpose of communication , not contain elements that are not related to the topic under discussion, and be concise and adequate.
  2. The speech must be grammatically correct and accurately reflect the message that needs to be conveyed to the interlocutor.
  3. The presentation of thoughts should be logical and consistent . A well-structured narrative structure contributes to its successful perception by the listener.

Where to start learning competent and correct speech

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Psychology has known for a long time how to talk to people correctly. To do this, you need to have well-delivered and maximally understandable speech, clear diction, vivid imaginative thinking and a high level of intelligence. To speak correctly, clearly, competently, it is recommended:

  • Develop good diction every day with the help of any tongue twisters and light articulation exercises. If the patient has serious problems, you can contact a speech therapist. These competent specialists, with extensive experience, successfully work not only with children, but also with adults, in a group and individually;
  • Read as much as possible, especially classical literature and books by Soviet writers, as well as the most common children's fairy tales. Such reading develops vocabulary and teaches figurative speech, as a result a person ceases to be shy;
  • Listen to the speeches of famous speakers as often as possible: politicians, actors, television presenters. While listening, you should note the speaker’s strengths and take note of the techniques with which he holds the audience’s attention for a long time;
  • Talk not only with family and close friends, but also with strangers. For example, the simplest way is to approach a person and ask him for the exact time, then start a conversation on any topic, perhaps ask for advice. This training is very effective, especially for overly calm and silent people.

Also, to develop competent speech, you should remember the good old tradition of writing paper letters. Formulating thoughts in writing helps develop oral speech, making it coherent and logical.

To learn to speak correctly, you need to listen to good speakers as often as possible.


To achieve effective communication, its elements must meet the following criteria:

  1. The sender must choose the optimal channel for transmitting information - verbally or in writing, correctly determine the intonation with which the message will be transmitted, or turn to non-verbal methods.
  2. Information must be clearly, completely and understandably presented to the recipient.
  3. The recipient must confirm that he accepted and understood the information transmitted to him.

Only if these three criteria are met can communication be considered successful.

What to do if you're embarrassed

Not everyone knows how to learn to talk to people confidently and clearly. In the psychology of communicating with people, there is the concept of “stiffness” - physical and mental tension during a conversation due to an unreasonable fear of seeming funny, ridiculous or awkward. Statistics say that 70% of the world's population is affected by this syndrome. In developed countries, shyness is more common and more pronounced than in developing countries. It often accompanies bipolar disorder, but is also typical for completely healthy people.

There are several methods to overcome excessive shyness:

  • Unconditionally accept your own temperament and tolerate your shortcomings;
  • See in every person not an enemy, but a friend, learn to trust, respect and be friends;
  • Sincerely reach out to others;
  • Find some interesting talent and try to demonstrate it in public more often (for example, singing, dancing or telling jokes). This will help introverted boys and girls overcome shyness and at the same time increase self-esteem;
  • Communicate with real people more than on the Internet;
  • Believe in your own success and love yourself.

Psychologists say that shyness is often caused by comparing oneself with others. In this case, you should explore your talents more often, then there will simply be no reason to be shy. If you still fail to overcome shyness, an introvert should not lose heart. In society, shyness is generally considered a sign of modesty, and a modest person is always treated well, even if he does not know how to speak competently and beautifully.

To stop being shy and become successful, you can artificially create situations that require the ability to behave boldly. Such short practical lessons are a good way to overcome shyness. For example, you can voluntarily take on the role of toastmaster at a New Year's party or give a beautiful impromptu speech at the birthday of a leader who is celebrating an anniversary. This will help you master the art of communication and forget about excessive modesty.

Discussing your favorite topic will help you cope with shyness

Attention! In order to relax during a conversation, a shy person can offer the interlocutor a topic for discussion in which he is well versed. Talking about your favorite activity will help you overcome shyness, feel important, and gain the necessary confidence.


  1. Effective communication in conflict. Returning from the army to his parents' house, the son spent the day surrounded by relatives, after which in the evening he got ready to visit close friends. Looking around at the mirror, he heard his father’s demanding voice: “You must be home at 10 pm.” Without stopping what he was doing, the son calmly said: “Forget it, dad. This is already in the past." Conciseness, confidence and calmness in this case were the best way out of a brewing conflict situation, since these are the qualities that are inherent in a mature, independent man.
  2. Effective communication with children . A very indicative scene from the movie “Gentlemen of Fortune”, when the teacher addresses children who do not want to have breakfast: “Children, breakfast is canceled for today, because we are flying on a rocket to Mars, so take the space spoons in your hands and have a good meal, because We’ll only be back on Earth around lunchtime.”

Adjusting to the children's wishes and subsequent rejection of persuasion, which children are prejudiced against, allowed them to switch their attention and look at the situation from a different perspective.

Common Mistakes

Excessive intrusiveness, like isolation, can alienate a partner

During a face-to-face or online conversation, even the most sociable participants in communication often make mistakes. Here are the most common ones:

  • Lack of non-verbal contact with the interlocutor (talking without looking into the other person’s eyes);
  • A voice that is too quiet, weak or, conversely, very loud and harsh;
  • The manner of “bombarding” a person with various questions (even small and innocent ones) and demanding an answer to each of them;
  • Manipulation of people;
  • Endless stories about yourself, especially about various illnesses and other problems, can quickly scare off even the most patient listener.

Also, a mistake is made by someone who insists on talking if the interlocutor is feeling sad (melancholy, upset) and clearly does not want to continue the conversation. Psychologists say: the more a person imposes his society on others (even relatives) in a given situation, the more rejection he causes.

You should not talk about people who are absent at the moment, even if you want to say something good about them. The list of inappropriate topics for conversation also includes family and love relationships, age issues, work and wages, and relationships with superiors. However, if the interlocutor wants to discuss these particular issues, he should be listened to carefully without giving specific answers.

It is not recommended to use a large number of professional terms or foreign words that are incomprehensible to other participants in communication. Such an interlocutor risks looking in the eyes of others as a person who has a very high opinion of himself and his mental abilities. Jargon and slang are also prohibited; preference should be given to neutral colloquial vocabulary. Of course, under no circumstances should you utter swear words (swear words), especially towards someone. This is a very important rule of conduct. The one who swears is unlikely to be able to get his interlocutor to talk.

Attention! During a conversation, it is recommended to remain at some distance from the interlocutor. Failure to maintain distance may be regarded by a partner as a manifestation of aggression. It's okay to gesticulate moderately, but you shouldn't take another person's hand or slap them on the shoulder.

In order to learn to get along easily with others and feel comfortable in any company, it is necessary, first of all, to part with complexes. The main thing is self-confidence and clear, competent speech. Textbooks help a lot - manuals on the art of communication. It may not be possible to achieve the desired results right away, but it is definitely worth making the effort. Effective communication is the key to success in your career and personal life.


What are the factors that contribute to effective communication? the successful outcome of communication :

  1. A favorable environment in which the conversation takes place . For example, if a situation that implies intimacy, confidentiality of communication, makes it possible for those communicating not to be heard by others, this will contribute to a confidential conversation.
  2. Compatible psychological characteristics of the participants in the conversation .
    This includes the gender, age, character and temperament of the participants. As a rule, communication is more successful among people of close age; also, certain types of people by character and temperament interact better with each other.
  3. Same social status. Interaction will be more successful with people belonging to the same social class.
  4. A trusting atmosphere in the team, its cohesion. For example, with established benevolent norms of behavior in a team, professional interaction will be an order of magnitude more effective than in a team in which everyone is accustomed to protecting only their own interests.
  5. Common goals and motives among interacting people. If the situation involves achieving a common goal, as a rule, mutual understanding is established between partners much faster, leading to successful communication.

What are the factors that reduce the effectiveness of communication? These factors significantly reduce the positive outcome of communication :

  1. The situation is inappropriate to the topic being discussed. For example, when trying to discuss a confidential conversation in a public place, the recipient—the person to whom the message is addressed—will avoid the discussion.
  2. Different social status. Communication barriers often arise between people belonging to different social classes.
    It is determined by internal prerequisites about one’s belonging to another class, a feeling of one’s superiority or, conversely, inferiority.
  3. Disunity in the team. The effectiveness of business communication will significantly decrease if, according to established norms in a team, everyone must protect their own interests - even with the awareness that this will negatively affect the solution of professional problems.
  4. Various goals. With the initial desire to achieve different goals, especially if it is impossible to achieve a compromise that satisfies all parties, the effectiveness of communication decreases.
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